sanctuary
by airali
Summary: it's not easy to loose the one you love. but when someone new comes along should you give yourself another chance with love? even more so, should you give yourself a chance when you know you may endager his life? love isnt meant to be easy.
1. starting over

**so here is the summary **

**_edward lost bella while she gave birth to nessie, nessie died too, now edward is filled with pain and suffering to the point where he wont talk to anyone. he is only alive because he promised bella he would stay alive. 100 years later alex potter is a witch (sister of the boy wizard we love) she just lost the love of her life cedric. she goes to forks and who does she find? will they help each other rebuild their worlds or will they keep themselves in their own pain? _**

* * *

Starting over

"Melody?" I heard cedric's voice calling I instantly turned at the sound of his voice. I was in a forest surrounded by trees the sky was a bloody red color it seemed like it was on fire the woods looked…sad. Though everything was quiet, in my eyes-in my world- there was chaos all around.

There he was at the edge of that forest nothing was behind him but darkness. He was just like I remembered him. My everything.

He began walking towards me. His walk was painfully slow. It seemed that with every step he took a million years passed by. I began to run towards him. I had only taken a few steps when I fell over something. My heart turned cold as I took in what I saw. I had tripped over a body. Cedric was laying there on the forest floor. Pale, cold….unmoving…lifeless…

I saw a pair of feet standing right in front of cedric's body I looked up and saw cedric looking down at his body his face unreadable

"Cedric?" I whispered. His eyes turned cold as he looked at me.

"Why did you kill me?" he said his eyes full of hatred for me.

I woke up screaming and crying.

It changed.

The dream changed it wasn't the same as every night. No longer did I find myself in that horrible graveyard were I kept seeing that night cedric get killed. I can't say I was thankful though because this nightmare was much worse. I knew how true his words were. I couldn't blame him for what he said. He spoke the truth and I deserved what he said and the pain that was accompanied with it. He was dead… dead… because of me…

I remembered that night only too well. I remembered everything, the maze, the graveyard. I remembered asking him to take the cup with me and my brother. One request was all it took to take him to his death. If I hadn't asked him for that he would be alive….

"Melody?" My brother, harry, called from the doors before he opened it. He, Hermione and Ron hurried inside. Harry leaped onto the bed and took me in his arms as I cried. It was routine now this happened everytime I went to sleep now.

"Shhh shhh melody it's alright. It's just a dream. Its over" said harry soothingly as he hugged me. I hid my face in his chest and sobbed. Hermione patted my back

"It changed" I whispered

"What?"

"He asked me why I killed him" I cried harder

"You didn't kill him melody" said Hermione gently

"I did too. If I hadn't asked him to take the cup with me he would still be alive."

"Must we go over this everyday" I heard Ron saying followed by a slap and an "ow"

They weren't going to leave me alone. That much I knew. So that's were acting comes in.

"Im sorry guys…I was scared, I just…" I was lost for words. I noticed it was noon. I hadn't had much sleep the night before so I had taken a nap

"It's alright mels we understand" said harry still holding me.

It was all quiet for a while. There was only the sound of my quiet sobs. After some time I sighed and broke away from my brothers grasp

"What time is it?" I asked

"Its one o'clock" replied harry he looked thoughtful, his brilliant green eyes troubled. "Are you hungry?" he asked

"Yes" I lied. I do that a lot nowadays. I got better at lying over the summer. It's not something im proud of but its something that comes in handy sometimes. I feel like it's required of me in order to not make those around me worry about me.

"You woke up just in time for lunch" said Ron "which is good because I was not willing to wait for you to wake up" I managed a small smile when he said.

"We'll leave you to get dressed" said Hermione they all got up from the bed and left

I quickly grabbed my clothes and went to the bathroom to change out of my p.j's

I looked at my reflection in the mirror. The face staring at me from the mirror was a face I had gotten used to over the summer. it was the new Alexandra melody potter

I am a metamorphmagus (I can change appearance at will), a witch, half vampire, and an idiot, a monster a bastard, etc.

Harry is my fraternal twin. We had lost our parents when we were one year old. They were murdered by a dark wizard named lord voldemort. He perished when he attempted to kill us but failed. Many think he died. Mental people if you tell me because he sure as hell was not dead. He came back to power a couple of months ago, now he wants to kill my brother and I. heaven knows why.

Two months ago to be exact. He came back two months ago. Harry and I witnessed it. We almost didn't make it out of that graveyard alive.

But I know one person who didn't make it out alive. In that same year I fell in love…his name was Cedric diggory he was seventeen. In his seventh year in Hogwarts. That year there was a tournament in school, into which harry and I were forced to participate. Cedric and these two other students from different schools participated as well, unlike harry and I they volunteered for this. We all got through the first two tasks all right. It was the third task that shattered my life. Harry Cedric and I fell into a trap that took us away from Hogwarts to a graveyard. Cedric was murdered there. It was the night that voldemort came back.

Why was it my fault? It's simple. I asked him to take the cup that would take us to the graveyard with me and harry. Of course I couldn't have known that was what was going to happen. I thought that by touching that dammned cup the third task would have ended. Just as professor Dumbledore had said. At that time though, somehow I knew that it would not be that easy. I had that strange feeling that we weren't going somewhere safe. That feeling scared me; I didn't want to take that cup all alone. So I asked harry and cedric to take it with me. Had I not asked him to take it with me he would still be alive…

It was easy to see in my face that I haven't been right since that day

My blood red hair was no longer red. Instead it was a deep black. It wasn't set in to a spiky disarray** (imagine it like Alice's only more unruly) **Instead it was long and straight. My eyes weren't that strange shade of green anymore they were coal black and lifeless. I was paler than I usually was. I was very skinny almost unhealthy like. Ive always been small and skinny, though. There were dark circles around my eyes, due to the lack of sleep. Looking at myself in the mirror I saw that I was nowhere near resembling what I used to look like. There were no traces of my mother or my father in me. I used to look a lot like my mom and I had inherited my dad's unruly hair or the strands of black hair on my head. No longer did I look like myself. I was a stranger. I wasn't the happy girl I used to be anymore. Now I kept to myself a lot and when I didn't it was only for the sake of the others.

What pained me the most was to know that I would have to live without cedric for along time. I am a half vampire; I was attacked last year by one. It was more of a surprise to me rather than to be horrified. Wizards believe that vampires became extinct, that our kind had killed them all. No wizard has seen one for centuries and if they have they don't know how to tell them apart for no one knows what they look like. Not even I remember the face of my attacker. Which is truly odd because I gained some of their abilities. First of all I was stuck at 14. I became gifted with memories. Anything that had to do with memories I could do it. So it was odd because you'd think that having that ability I would be able to remember what happened that night. But I don't all I remember is waking up at the hospital wing. No one knew of what I was only Harry and Dumbledore. I liked it that way.

I looked at myself for another second then began changing my clothes. It was time to put on a happy face for everyone that was downstairs. I knew I wouldn't fool them though. But it was still nice when they played along.

I walked down the staircase of grimmauld place, my godfather's home. Though I got to say that the man despises the house. This is where I was spending the rest of the summer.

I walked into the kitchen and walked towards the long table and took a seat next to harry and Sirius, my godfather.

"How did you sleep?" asked Sirius brightly

"With my eyes closed" everyone laughed and then I shrugged "fine I guess" I told him I managed a small smile at him.

I took a look at everyone else. The weasleys were there along with some members form the order; Tonks, frank parker, and mad eye moody. Hermione was there too.

"Here you go" said Mrs. Weasley to all of us, while placing a large dish with sandwiches in the middle of the table. We all took one and in Ron's case three.

"How are you feeling dear?" asked Mrs. Weasley

"I'm good Mrs. Weasley, thank you" I said politely

With that we all went back to eating in silence. After a few minutes I looked up from my barely touched sandwich and noticed everyone staring at me.

"What'd I do?" I asked frowning. I don't think ive done anything bad lately.

"Nothing you should be worried about Mel" said harry smiling

"Then why is everyone staring"

"Alex we have a… proposition for you…" said Sirius.

"All right" I said signaling for him to go on, but Frankie was the one that talked

"We've been thinking –and Dumbledore agreed- that it would be good for you if you came to stay at my house this year" he talked slowly, allowing me to take it all in and even like that I reacted too slow.

"Huh?" I said

"We thought maybe you'd like to get away from Hogwarts you know…because of…." He didn't need to finish that sentence for me to understand what he was talking about.

"Where?"

"Forks Washington" he replied calmly

"What about my studies" I couldn't afford to stop studying at the moment.

"I'll help you keep up with your studies over at forks and you will be going to forks to keep your mind busy. I thought you would like that

This is exactly what I had wanted, an escape from Hogwarts and its students. If I went back I wouldn't have been able to bear it. There were too may memories if _him_ there. I was grateful for this option I was being offered.

"I would really like that Frankie" his name is frank but it is a nickname I had given him when I met him. He was young, id say about twenty-three.

"Were leaving Sunday before harry and the rest leave for Hogwarts. Keep in mind that you might have to go to Hogwarts a couple of times and will have to go to take your O.W.L's" he paused for a second "and you will be going to high school Monday" he added

"High school?"

"Yes… I think we could put you in 11th grade. That wouldn't be bad"

"What's the story for the muggles?" asked harry

"She's my little sister, melody parker" he said simply

I was speechless. I couldn't believe it. It all seemed like a cruel joke. I half expected them to start laughing and saying "gotcha".

Also, a long time ago I would have never dreamed of leaving Hogwarts it had been like my home. But now it wasn't home anymore not without _him_ no it was merely a stranger's home to me. Nothing seemed right without _him_

"Well then...with that said I have to leave" said Frankie getting up "It seems I have a room to prepare. Your leaving on Sunday, alright Alex?" he looked at me everyone had a different name for me. Alex, melody, Mel.

*sigh*

"Yes" I answered. I seriously didn't deserve this much.

"Thank you for lunch molly" said Frankie

"Nice having you around frank" she answered

He said goodbye to everyone then headed to the fireplace. He took out a small bag from his cloak. He took out some white powder from the bag and tossed it into the fireplace, emerald flames burst in the fireplace. He was about to walk in when I spoke

"Frankie?" he turned when I called him I got up then walked towards him and hugged him. "Thanks" I whispered.

"My pleasure Alex" he said patting my back. I released him and he leaned down to kiss my cheek, then he walked into the emerald flames, and yelled "forks!" and like that in a blink of an eye he was gone. I wouldn't be seeing him till Sunday.

"Are you happy Mel?" harry asked me that night. He Ron and Hermione and I were in Hermione's and my room.

"Do you want the truth or the lie?" I said looking out the window at the sky.

"Truth would be better in this case" he replied. I took a deep breath. Truth it is then.

"No…. relieved yes….but I don't think I'll ever really be happy again. It's difficult to explain." My tone ended the conversation. Harry didn't press for more, I think he understood me the best…he knew me the best.

"I think we should all go to sleep now" said Hermione. The boys got up said goodnight to us and departed for their bedroom

As we got into ours beds Hermione told me from her bed "I'll miss you melody."

"I will too Hermione, all of you"

"Hogwarts won't be the same without you"

"Hogwarts isn't the same without him" I whispered just loud enough for her to hear. She didn't respond

I faced the window and wondered whether if by some miracle I would find a way to die in forks….no I promised myself that I would wait. That I would wait until I avenged cedric's death. I can't leave this place before that…. Not yet….

* * *

Sunday came by fast. I was the first to be up that day seeing as how I couldn't sleep the previous night.

There was a lot of commotion that morning resulting in a couple of accidents. For example Fred accidentally tripped me and I fell down the stairs.

I would be leaving first. I was going to travel through the floo network. Then harry, Hermione, Ron, Fred, George, and Ginny, would be escorted to kings cross station to take the Hogwarts express

Sirius was in a pretty bad mood. It didn't take a genius to figure that out. I understood that he didn't want to be alone in this house of hell with only Kreacher the house elf for company. Heck I would be in a bad mood too if I was in his place. Kreacher isn't the best type of company, unless you enjoyed being insulted.

All of my stuff had already been taken to Frankie's place, the only thing left was me.

Everyone gathered around the fireplace to say goodbye to me.

I had never been so far away from my brother, harry, I would miss him alot, along with the rest. I hugged everyone goodbye and stopped right in front of harry. He smiled sadly and hugged him tightly

"Ive never been so far away from you" I whispered

"I wouldn't let you go if I knew it wouldn't be good for you Mel. I hope this does help you" he said

_Don't get your hopes up _

"I'll write to you" I said

"You better" he smiled and i rolled my eyes at him

I turned and walked into the green flames in the fireplace I took one last look at them all before yelling "Forks!" the flames instantly engulfed me. I was spinning very fast as I spinned I caught glimpses of other wizarding rooms. They were out of sight before I could look properly. After some minutes I began to slow down. I must be close. Then I came to a stop in the fireplace of a living room I had never seen. I stumbled out of the fireplace, my head still spinning.

"Dizzy?" said a voice and I turned to the sound of it. Frankie was coming out from a door to the left side of the living room.

"Maybe" I said, he chuckled, then he walked towards me and gave me a hug

"Welcome to your new home, Alex" he let go of me allowing me to take a good look at the room we were in.

It was spacious. The walls were white and the couches were a light beige color. Behind me there was a flat screen on top of the fireplace. To the left side of the room there was a door and then to the other side of the room there was a staircase.

"Come on I'll show you around" he said and I followed him in to the door at the left

"So this is the kitchen and I must say I spend a lot of time here" he said and I laughed with some effort.

The kitchen was pretty big. The top of the counters was white granite. The walls were white as well the table was big enough for five. There was a silver brand new stove. Behind the table there were French doors that opened up to the garden. It was big and full of trees and bushes. Like a mini forest. there were no gates or fences instead the garden opened up to the forest. there was perfect view of the forest.

"Wow" was all I could say. I loved the garden. We went out to the living room again and headed to the second floor

"You have good taste" I commented and he chuckled. What is it with people and laughing at me?

"Thanks, I try" he said. We walked through the hall and he showed me the bathroom then told me that I didn't want to see the mess in his room. He showed where the laundry room was. Then he led me to my room.

"I wasn't sure on what you liked but I tried" he said to me apologetically

"Its alright as long as it has a bed" I answered. He smiled and opened the door. It was pretty big. The walls were painted blue and green. The bed was big…that wasn't good I would get lost in that bed. I'm not the biggest person around; I was 5'0. The comforter was light blue. There was a light green carpet covering the floor. A white desk sat next to two French doors that opened to a balcony and had a view of the garden. The desk held a laptop, a lamp and some notebooks including my Hogwarts schoolbooks were there. At the foot of the bed was my bag of clothes. To the other side of the room was a close full length mirrors. I had my own bathroom. On a corner of the room sat an acoustic guitar.

"Thank you" I whispered to Frankie. This was more than I deserved

"So you like it?" he asked and I nodded. There was an awkward silence after, and then he broke it. "I am glad, I'll leave you alone then" he said guessing what I wanted. I was grateful to him for having said that. He quietly left the room. I then silently collapsed to the floor and hugged myself as the tears began to run down my cheeks and I drowned in my pain again. All was silent.

This was it. I wasn't going back to Hogwarts. It was a new beginning…well almost…

Surely I wouldn't find anything interesting in this town. But I wasn't expecting that. Nor did I care for I was dead set on only one future, one path, one road… the only road I wanted was the one with cedric at the end of it.

I kept crying for the rest of the day I didn't even go down for dinner. I apologized to Frankie for that. Well I tried because he wouldn't let me apologize. I remember falling asleep around two in the morning, only to fall into that same dream where cedric asked me why I killed him. I woke up at five in the morning then decided I wouldn't be able to get any more sleep. So I got up to get ready to school, though it was still too early. Once I was dressed I decided that it would be nice to look the way I used to. It took me some time to get it right but I finally got it. Once I came out of the bathroom my hair was very close to that deep shocking red color it had once been. My eyes, too, were close to the same shade of green they used to be. It was the best I could do. Still try as I may I looked nothing like the girl I had once been. Still I guess I tried. When it was an acceptable time to go downstairs I headed for the kitchen. Frankie was having breakfast.

The story for the muggles would be that he was my older brother and he owned a store in Port Angeles. In reality he worked at the ministry of magic.

"Morning" I said when I walked into the kitchen.

"How did you sleep?" he asked. _Ah the question of the day. _As if he hadn't heard my screaming last night. I gotta say he is a good actor.

"Good" I lied unnecessarily; we both knew that I was lying.

"Excited?" he asked

_Pshh as if_

"More like indifferent"

"Well that's good to hear" he said and I smiled

"You look nice" he commented "I have to go… you should get some breakfast. Oh and we will have to talk about your ride for school. Do you mind walking today?"

"Nah walking is healthy" I shrugged he smiled and then headed to the living room. I heard him shout "ministry of magic" and then there was silence. I just sat there looking out the window without thinking. Just looking....

Once it was acceptable for me to leave I headed out for school. I was lucky that it wasn't raining.

It didn't take me long to find the school… naturally… in a town this small…

I don't know much about high school seeing as how ive never really been in high school but, surely it wouldn't look like this…

In my opinion it didn't look like a highschool, it was more like many red brick buildings joined together.

I was pretty early. Not many cars were n the parking lot. Without further ado I headed to the main office.

In there was a middle aged woman she looked up from what she was doing her eyes widened slightly and she cleared her throat.

"How may I help you?" she said sweetly

"Uhm I'm melody po- parker" I quickly corrected myself. "I'm new here"

"Oh, of course." She said, and then started looking through some files.

"Uhm Alexandra?" she asked looking at a form in her hand

"Oh right that's my first name." hmmm Frankie must have registered me with my first name…great.

She then gave me my schedule and a map of the school. She started to explain some thing to which I pretended to listen to.

When she was done I got out and saw that more people had now arrived. It was cold as hell outside.

I walked to my first class trying to figure out were it was first of all. Then out of nowhere was by my side. He long shaggy brown hair and black eyes. He was all smiles and I nodded in acknowledgement to him. Oh but he didn't let it go

"You're the new girl, Alexandra right?" how did these people know my name. This was a freaky town so far,

"Alex" I muttered

"I'm Jason, how you doing so far in forks high school?" were people so overly friendly here? I didn't mind it's just that I didn't like to talk much to new people anymore. In another time maybe, but that old me was long gone.

"uhm I wouldn't mind some help to my Spanish class" I said I figured it would be much easier to get there like this

"You came to the right person" he said then motioned for me to follow

He tried to make some conversation but I always ended it woth my answers.

We finally arrived my Spanish class and I went to introduce myself to the teacher and get the slip of paper signed.

And the day pretty much went like that. In every class there was always someone who volunteered to lead me to the next classroom. Some teachers made me introduce myself to the class. Which was not interesting. It didn't take a genius to know that my muggles life was boring.

At lunch time a girl asked me to sit with her friends and I said yes without thinking. I later regretted it when I found out she was gifted with talking nonstop. He name was Erika. I wasn't hungry so I only bought a water bottle.

"Aren't you going to eat anything" asked Erika. I glanced at her tray of food and my stomach churned. I shook my head.

"Nah" I responded and we headed to her table

"Hey everyone this is Alex parker the new girl" she introduced me. How lovely I'm labeled as _the new girl_

"Hey" I muttered and instantly the girls began bombarding me with questions.

"You guys maybe we shouldn't as too many questions at once" said Erika

I looked away trying to make them stop their attempts to make conversation with me. I focused on the cracks running through the plaster in the far corner of the cafeteria. I began imagining patterns in them that were not there. I sighed.

Then something caught my eye. I looked at the closes table to the place that I had been watching. A group of kids were just sitting down. There were five of them.

Surely these kids (if you could even call them kids) couldn't be muggles or maybe not even human. They were all painfully beautiful no description would do them justice.

There were two girls. A tall blond with a beautiful figure, that's as much as could be said there were no more words that could be said. Her beauty was beyond words.

The other girl was short. We looked to be around the same height. Her hair was black, and cropped short it pointed in every direction in a halo of disarray. It framed her small face nicely. Her features were all small and delicate…pixie like. She was very thin. She somehow resembled me. I think it had something to do with the hair and height.

There were three boys. One of them seemed too big for his own good. He was very muscular and had short curly hair nevertheless there was something that didn't seem so menacing. But not much ever seemed menacing to me so maybe that was the reason.

The other one was tall too and lean. Muscular but not as much as the first. His hair was honey blonde. He frowned but I could not imagine why.

The last was lanky he seemed to be the youngest one. He wasn't as bulky as the other nor as muscular. He had untidy bronze hair and he looked miserable if you ask me. And I couldn't blame him high school wasn't interesting at all.

But what they all had in common was that they were all too beautiful to be real. They all had very dark eyes and where pale in the extreme. I thought it didn't get any paler than me but apparently I was wrong. They were all quiet but I noticed that now and then the small girl tried to make small conversation with the bronze haired one but he would answer and the conversation ended.

"Oh so you noticed the Cullen's" said a girl that was sitting across from me. She had curly black hair and a round face.

"Who are you?" was the first thing that I could think of saying

She looked offended but then let it go "my name is Samantha" she said in a voice full of authority.

"Oh… the Cullen's you said" I was a bit curious for this family. This surprised me. I had not had curiosity for anything in so long. It was a big change for me because I was awfully curious and that usually got me into a lot of trouble along with harry.

"Yes" she rolled her eyes at me"the family over there" she motioned with her head towards them and then began telling me all the gossip on them.

I learned that they had moved here a couple of months ago from god knows where. I didn't pay attention to that part. They were all juniors. The two blondes were twins. And all of them were adopted by Dr. Cullen and his wife. After all that I stopped listening. I couldn't pay attention anymore so I just stared at her and nodded like an idiot pretending to listen. Instead I drowned in my own thoughts.

Like I said before they looked anything but muggles. You have to admit they weren't your average muggles. The girls actually reminded me of the veela we had seen in the quidditch world cup the previous summer. The only difference was that the two girls in this cafeteria were more beautiful.

The lunch bell rung and I jumped at the sound of it. I heard some girls giggle. I headed to my history class accompanied by this girl name Penelope. She was really quiet for which I was grateful. The Cullen's were out of my mind. I wasn't interested enough apparently.

After the history I got this boy to show me to my biology and he did so gladly. I ignored him all of the way. Once I was in the room I went to introduce to my new teacher and get the slip signed. He showed me my seat and I sat down the seat beside me was empty. I decided I should probably start writing a letter to harry or he would worry so I decided to do that until class started I heard when the seat next to me was silently pulled back but no one ever sat down. Confused I looked up and my eyes met a pair of cold black eyes.

It was one of the Cullen's. The one with the bronze hair, Edward was his name I think. He looked down at me and his expression showed many emotions at once. There was horror, anger, confusion, hate and pain in his features. It seemed as if many things were running through his head all at the same time. Then he glided away hurriedly out of the classroom just as the bell rang signaling the beginning of class. I stared at the door were he had walked out very curious now. That was all I thought about throughout the rest of the class.

Once the bell rung I was the first one out of the classroom and ran to the main office. I was desperate to go back to frankies house. I walked into the office placed the slip on the front desk and ran out without giving the receptionist an opportunity to talk.

It still wasn't raining so it was a pretty lucky weather for me. I ran out to the parking lot and stopped abruptly when I saw a car heading towards me. It stopped abruptly and I looked at the driver that almost ran me over. Once again I looked into the cold black eyes of Edward Cullen. His brothers were inside the car and they were staring from Edward to me with worried glances. Edward looked like he had become stone completely immobile. I looked back at him curiously. I tilted my head to the side like a curious child.

I began hearing the honking of the cars that were behind Edward's car.

"Shit" I muttered as I began running again.

I ran nonstop. I didn't know why I was running but it made me feel free. For once in a long time I felt careless and light. I reached the house in ten minutes and I collapsed on the front porch. Now that I had stopped running I felt all the weight crashing down on me and I felt like I was suffocating, Drowning in pain again. Tears began to spill from my eyes….

How much longer would I go on like this?...

I've never felt so alone in my entire life…

* * *

**So what do you guys think?**

**I liked it better than my previous story **

**If you like this story don't be lazy and keep your thoughts to yourself. **

**In mot Edward so I don't know what you are thinking of it unless you tell me **

**Please review **

**-kairi cullen **


	2. to the end

Edwards's point of view

I looked down helplessly as my life was slipping away. She looked at me through blood shot eyes. She was dying and it was too late for me to do anything. She was dying and so was the monster in her.

"Edwa-"she gasped and I held her tighter to my body as my body shook with my dry sobs and desesperation. I tried to hush her and she shook her head. "Promise m-me yo-you will li-liv-live" she took long breaths.

At the time I never really registered anything of that in my mind so I answered her without realizing what I was agreeing to.

"Anything for you Bella" I whispered fully knowing that I would not dare speak her name once she left me

"prom-"

"I promise" I cut her off to keep her from talking again.

I smile spread in her lips and she began shaking as I heard her bones breaking and blood seeped through my shirt I held on to her tighter as if this would jeep her alive. She began screaming and thrashing wildly. She was in pain.

As much as it tortured me to see her in pain I was beyond panicking when I felt her calming down.

"Bella, Bella," I didn't hear a thing and I shook her "don't leave me" I wasn't sure how it was that I was talking. The words just came out of my mouth

"I need you. Don't go. Don't leave me alone." I sobbed and shook her still no sound. She wasn't dead…she couldn't be… the girl I had fought for so hard couldn't just leave me like this. No she wasn't dead. But something was awfully amiss.

_There is no sound coming from her _

The sound that was the most beautiful sound to me was gone. Her heartbeat was gone along with her. They were both deserting me. Letting me plunge deeper into darkness… Uncaring…

"I'm scared Bella" I whispered to her….


	3. one more day gone an eternity to go

100 years later 

Alice's Pov

It has been a hundred years and nobody has ever truly healed from that loss we had. Eventually we began talking to each other trying to brighten up moods. Eventually we were all able to put aside that past and not think about it.

The only one who wasn't able to do that was Edward. He changed so much when Bella died. He no longer talked to anyone unless it was truly necessary. He hunted alone and never went too far away. We have never seen him laugh and when he smiles it is clear that he is making a great deal of effort. He doesn't do anything anymore. He's doesn't even play piano or listen to music anymore. All he does is just sit in his room and do nothing. We are all worried for him and try to talk to him but he just… he's empty… he's not Edward anymore. Bella took him with her the day she died.

And we all want him back…

Carlisle's pov 

We all miss and still grieve for Edward. Nothing has ever been the same. The house is always sad and depressing even when we try to lighten up the room. How can we try to be happy when we know that Edward is in so much pain? No one knows what to do. Esme is so sad for him all the time. In the end we all are.

He stopped going to school since she died. Only 20 years ago we convince him to go back.

Then one year ago we somehow managed to convince him to come back to forks. It was very painful for him and us but he's endured it.

We know that the only reason for why he is still living with all of us is because he is afraid to be alone. He is afraid on breaking his promise to Bella. He knows that we will help him keep his promise….

Edwards pov 

100 years

100 years I have been alone. 100 years since _she _died. 100 years since my life ended with hers.

And here I am 100 years later. The place where it all started. On the house where she spent her last moments. The town where my real life began. And the town where it ended…

And today is one more days to endure and an eternity to go…

* * *

My brothers and sisters filed into my new Audi A6 sedan. I went to the driver's side and Alice went on the passenger's side. After a few moments of quiet Alice tensed. I listened to her mind and saw that a lot of people were talking about someone new to the school. I couldn't see the person though.

"I didn't know the new girl was coming today" said Alice casually.

"So you knew someone knew would be arriving?" I asked

"It wasn't difficult to figure out everyone has been talking about that in school" she said it as if it were obvious. I had ceased to pay any type of attention to any human's problems or conversations. In my mind they didn't exist.

"The parker girl right?" said Rosalie interested

Couldn't it have been a boy? This was somehow familiar and I didn't like it.

"Yes but I can't see her" responded Alice. Everything became quiet again, soon enough though we were at the schools parking lot.

"Maybe shell be on one of our classes, she's a junior too" said Alice. This time we were all playing juniors.

* * *

We all headed to our classes and they droned on like any other day. I couldn't help but be aware that everyone's conversations and thoughts seemed to be on the new girl. Never once did I see her for myself or through the minds of the students. Today I seemed to be in more pain than usual and that was because this day was too familiar.

Eventually lunch came…

I met up with the rest of my family and we all walked together to the cafeteria. I blocked out everyone's thoughts and looked straight at our lunch table as I made my way there. I didn't want to look. I didn't know why but I didn't want to see this girls face.

I was tense all through lunch never letting my eyes or my mind stray.

It was finally time for my next class everything went alright yet something seemed off.

And then it was time to go to my last class.

I headed off to biology in a rush wanting school to finish as soon as possible I entered the room and was about to sit down when something brought me back

There was an awfully good smell right beside me. It hit me hard and unexpectedly my mouth pooled with venom and I worked hard to swallow it. I was afraid to move an inch. For moving would surely give me away.

No _no __**no **__**NO!**_

Not again please not again. I can't do this again. I looked down at the creature that hell surely had sent to finally kill me.

Only one thing kept me from killing her. For I had already decided on doing so.

She was beautiful…

She looked at me with a beautiful pair of eyes like emeralds framed by extremely long and dark eyelashes. Her eyes held so many emotions. Confusion, to start of with, innocence, pain, and sadness, if I'm not mistaken. Her hair was very short and it was similar to Alice's except her was a fiery red and there were strands of black in it. She had a thin face that still held traces of a child in them. She had full red lips and was extremely pale. She was small I could tell and extremely thin. Very frail it was easy to notice that, but you had to look closely to realize that she didn't look healthy. The look in her eyes said it all.

Without thinking I turned around and left the room. I wasn't going to resist if I stayed there. I had no such control. I would never have that much control. It was harder than the last time and it smelled better much, much better.

I got into my car and when I did a string of growls and profanities escaped my mouth.

Why? That was the question that summarized all my others. I didn't allow myself to think of her face again. She was lucky, I had been completely resolved on killing her but I received shock at what I saw. It was hard to believe that this girl was human at all. How could she be?

I couldn't go back to school. That was all I knew. I would not go back to school. I would try to convince my family that we have to move. And that would be the end of it. Best to end it now while I can, than later when it would surely end badly. I was so shaken by this and so shocked that I was so impatient.

I got out and went into the woods to hunt but nothing quenched the thirst for her smell was still engraved in all of me. I came back just as people were beginning to go out of their classes. Not even three minutes later my family was hurriedly making their way to my car. I hurried across the parking lot to meet them.

"Edward" Alice said urgently "what happened what did you do?"

"I didn't do anything, you would have seen that" a said bitterly and I got into the drivers side and they all quickly got in. I needed to leave before I saw her. I didn't have much control and I do not think anything would stop me this time.

"I can't go back to school" I said angrily as I started the car. I revved it out of the parking

"Edward you cant do that" said Emmett "Edward she's just a human" I looked at him

"I'M GOING TO KILL HER!"

"Edward!" cried Alice just as I turned and put my foot on the break

She looked at the car that had almost runned her over. She had been running and hadn't paid attention to the cars. When she saw my car she stopped. I would have killed her if I hadn't sopped.

For a fraction of a second everything became still. Her eyes followed into the car and looked at the people in it. I was frozen already tensed and silently growling. Jasper tried to calm me down but nothing would work now. Her eyes finally rested in me. And the look that was in them could not belong to those of a teenage girl. The emotion in them was indescribable and it wasn't something easily forgotten. She looked on verge of tears. There was such desesperation in her gaze… it was as if she had committed murder. There was one more thing I her face…curiosity? As if to prove my suspicions she tilted her head to the side like a curious child.

The line of cars that had formed before me began honking and that seemed to bring her out of her trance. She turned and muttered "shit" and began running. I shook my head and drove out of the parking lot.

"Edward?" asked Alice tentatively I didn't answer

She put her hand on mine "let me drive" she said soothingly and I nodded we got out of the car and I met her in the front of the car I couldn't take it anymore. I collapsed to the floor, I began sobbing, this was all too much for me. I felt more alone, more helpless, more vulnerable than ever.

Alice got on her knees and embraced me. I hugged her tightly and sobbed into her shoulder.

"Why did she make me promise?" I whispered

"Maybe she thought that you could do so much better" she whispered.

The others came around to the front of the car and joined Alice and me.

"Like what Alice? Killing an innocent girl?" my tone was harsh

"But you don't want to kill her" said Emmett

"I don't know what it is I want anymore" I whispered

I reality I knew perfectly well what I wanted. I wanted her dead. I wanted to kill her. It wasn't only the monster in me, but also my whole being that wanted to kill her. I wanted that girl dead and I wanted to b e the one to kill her. I wanted to be the one to taste her blood. I did not want to meet her. I wanted to kill her for causing me this pain. I wanted to kill her for existing. I wanted to kill her for coming to live here. I wanted to kill her for making me remember that first day.

"Edward…" Rosalie hesitated "you can do it… your strong enough"

"You don't understand her smell is worse it too overwhelming. I would have killed her if I stayed. I didn't even have the control to make it through one lousy hour like last time. I can't do it, I'm not that strong"

"Edward we have to go" said jasper

"We can talk about this with Carlisle and Esme once were home" Alice suggested. I got up and headed to the passengers side as Alice got in the drivers side.

We were there in a matter of minutes. Carlisle was home his shift was at night.

"Carlisle" called Alice "we need to talk"

* * *

We all sat at the dinner table there was silence for a moment before Carlisle broke it.

"What's going on?"

I was the one to talk "I can't go back to school"

"Why not?" said Esme worried. I was beyond a wreck right now so I understood why I might be worrying my mother further that I do on a daily basis.

"Today at school a new student arrived. And…" I covered my face with my hand as I kept talking "she had last period in my class…she sits next to me. I'm going to kill her if I have to go anywhere near her."

"Edward… we know this is hard for you its only too familiar to last time-" Carlisle hesitated " but-"

"No Carlisle you don't understand! Her smell I won't resist and I won't think it twice because I have already decided to kill her. It's not only the hunger, I want her dead, I don't want he to be alive"

"She's hasn't done anything to you" said Emmett quietly

"It doesn't matter I don't care what she has or hasn't done to me. I just want her dead and I really don't even know why. The only reason why I want to stay away from school now is that _she_ wouldn't have wanted me to do this. He would have wanted me to resist it."

No one had a response to this. Then finally Carlisle seemed to get one.

"If that is the situation Edward…then I guess we have to respect that. And if you're really sure that you won't stop next time then… its safer for all of us if you stop going to school."

I didn't want to listen to anyone's thoughts I just wanted to block it all out. I was slightly ashamed of what my family must think of me. I knew they were disappointed in me, Carlisle specially.

"Thank you Carlisle" I said then got up and left the room. The rest of the day everything was quiet.

At midnight Alice paid me a visit to my room.

She sat at my bed and we were both quite. After many minutes she broke the silence.

"She lives with her brother" she began "her parents died"

I had no reply for this

"She loves music by what I saw in my vision… she plays guitar-"

"Alice… why are you telling me this?" I asked impatiently

"I want you to see her more as someone normal. Like any other human maybe that will keep you from killing her. She has a life Edward, a life you want to take from her. You gave Bella a chanc-"

"Don't compare her to Bella" I hissed "she isn't anything like Bella she is no one"

She ignored me "if you gave Bella a chance to live then you should give her a chance too"

"For what _she_ died because of me anyway" I closed my eyes as the pain overtook me.

"Give her a chance but keep your distance Edward. Keep going about your business like any other day. Make her just another unimportant human"

I said nothing. She was right, there was no doubt about that but I didn't want to reason with her. I was too stubborn for that. Nevertheless she was right.

Truth be told, I was really afraid of going back and killing her. It's not what _she_ would have wanted. I was afraid about how similar the situation was and I was in great pain now.

"Her name is Alex" Alice whispered as she walked out the door.

When she was gone I succumbed to the pain and darkness...

* * *

**what do you think?**

**i swear i tried my hardest to make this chapter sound like it was edwards thoughts **

**dont kill me if i didnt get it right im supposed to meet with a friend on saturday **

**and i have to clean my dogs crap and my mom wotn be happy if i suddenly die **

**please review **

**its not hard to push a few keys trust me**

**-kairi**


	4. wake up when september ends

Alex's pov 

I cried nonstop on the steps of the front porch. It was all so liberating and whatever it is I had been feeling all day long at school today, was leaving me now with every single tear I spilled.

The only thing that made me aware that time had passed was when I felt two warm arms embrace me.

"I think I forgot to give you the key" Frankie whispered apologetically. He was still wearing his traveling cloak so obviously he had just come.

I gave a strained laugh "I forgot all about that I kind of just broke down when I arrived and this is as far as I was able to make it" I croaked hugging him.

"That doesn't make me feel as guilty" he said, suddenly the ground beneath me disappeared and I didn't protest as Frankie carried me inside. I was too weak to protest. Besides the way he held me made me feel like a child and that is what I yearned to be. A child, there problems are never this big, children have it so easy, it makes me jealous sometimes.

"Pretty heavy huh?" I joked, if anything I got lighter these past few months. I wasn't even heavy to start off with.

"Humor me" he said chuckling

We got to my room and he laid me on the bed and that's the last I remember. All the crying had tired me.

I should have known however that, as tire as I might have been I wouldn't be able to get a decent nights sleep. I woke up at eleven pm due to my nightmares.

"Do I need a repeat of this every fucking night" I muttered angrily as I got off the bed and headed to the bathroom to take a shower.

Of course I needed a repeat of it. I needed to feel that pain every night because I deserved that and much more.

I put on my sweats and a long sleeved shirt. I looked into the mirror and that I was back to having black hair and black eyes. I sighed and then headed out to my room. I took the guitar and strummed it. It was in tune, I headed outside to the small balcony the rail was made of stone so I sat on it. My feet dangled, I gave the guitar a few more strums until I created a tune.

The rest was easy it was just a matter of singing out my thoughts and that wasn't a challenge. I knew exactly what I was thinking.

**(Sorry guys I'm not that creative so lets just pretend that this song is originally made by her remember this is fan fiction)**

_Love of mine _

_Someday you will die _

_But I'll be close behind _

_I'll follow you into the dark_

_No blinding lights _

_Or tunnels to gates of white _

_Just our hands clasped so tight_

_Waiting for the hint of a spark _

_If heaven and hell decide _

_They both are satisfied _

_Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs _

_If there's no one beside you _

_When your soul embarks _

_Then I'll follow you into the dark _

_In catholic school _

_As vicious as roman rule _

_I got my knuckles bruised _

_By a lady in black _

_And I held my tongue _

_As she told me son _

_Fear is the heart of love _

_So I never went back _

_If heaven and hell decide _

_That they both are satisfied _

_Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs _

_If there's no one beside you _

_When your soul embarks _

_Then I'll follow you into the dark _

_You and me _

_Have seen everything to see _

_From Bangkok to Calgary _

_And the soles of your shoes _

_Are all worn down _

_The time for sleep is now _

_But it's nothing to cry about _

_'Cause we'll hold each other soon _

_In the blackest of rooms _

_If heaven and hell decide _

_That they both are satisfied _

_Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs _

_If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks _

_Then I'll follow you into the dark_

_Then I'll follow you into the dark_

I gave the guitar one more strum and then looked up at the sky. It would probably rain later on. It was cold outside, but what was cold to me? It didn't make any difference, nothing made a difference in my life because I didn't have a life.

I was so tempted to go back and visit my memories with _him_ but I was scared of the consequences I would have to pay later on.

"Give me sometime ced and then I'll follow you" I said looking at the woods

It began raining as I said this and I quickly got in to the room. I decided to finish the letter I had started in my biology class. Once I was done I ran out of things to do and that made me mad. I looked at the ceiling till it was time to get ready for school.

* * *

It would definitely become a routine changing my hair from black to red every day and my eyes from black t o green.

I walked into the kitchen and Frankie was there eating a p.b and j sandwich.

"Morning" I muttered as I got some cereal.

"Morning" he answered

We sat in silence for a few minutes. Then I pulled out the letter from my bag.

"Frankie?" I began

"Yeah?"

"Could you do me a favor?"

"Sure" he was curious. That much was easy to tell.

"Could you get an owl to send this to Hogwarts for me?" I said handing him the letter

"Oh yeah…maybe I should get you an owl" I said more to himself than to me

"Its all right" I said he ignored this… I think.

"Tonight I start giving you classes, Alex, don't forget" oh yeah

"All right"

"And this weekend we are looking for a car for you"

"Frankie I know I'm not going to school right now but that doesn't mean I can go around spending the money in gringotts. Harry has to keep going to school you know?"

"I know I'm buying it" he said

"No you're not. You've done enough by letting me stay here"

"Alex if you're going to protest then be quiet" he said grinning

"Besides I can't drive yet I'm only fifteen"

"But everyone thinks you are sixteen and it won't be hard to get you a driver's license that says your seventeen"

"I don't know how to drive"

"You're not getting out of this one Alex. Being a muggle born paid off, I'll teach you"

"Damn you're good" I muttered and he laughed

"Now hurry I'm taking you to school today, it's raining "I dumped my untouched cereal to the sink and Frankie frowned.

He led me outside to the garage it was bigger in the inside than it looked in the outside and there was no doubt magic was behind all of this. He led me to the only car in there it was a black Honda fit.

We got inside and he started the car. Once we were out on the road I decided to talk.

"So your muggle born?"

"Yes, did you not know that?"

"No not really"

"Not surprised"

"Then don't ask" he laughed and I faked a smile.

Ah, if only we could all be like him, so happy.

"I never did ask you how was first day of school?" he said interested

"Okay I guess you know nothing big. People were much too friendly" that's the only thing that bothered me. Then I remembered my biology class.

"Do you know the Cullen's?"

He shook his head

"I'm pretty new here myself Alex"

"Oh"

"Why do you ask?"

"There's something odd about them, it's hard to believe their muggles"

"Like wizards?"

"No they just don't look like muggle that's all. And one of them he's in my biology class he acted all weird when he saw me. He didn't even sit down he came in saw me then walked out"

"Do you think they know about you?"

"Come on Frankie be realistic" he chuckled at that. We had already arrived he parked and I gathered my bag

"Oh well ill just have to endure the awkwardness" I said as I opened the door of the car

"Well good luck with that then"

"I'll need it"

"I know"

"So do I walk home or what?"

"No I'll pick you up I'll make sure you stay dry, I don't want you to shrink"

"You're killing me Frankie" I said sarcastically

"Be off now"

"Later then" I stepped out of the car and put up my hood.

I quickly made my way to the school. School droned on and I don't know how it is that I didn't notice that I had some classes with the other Cullen's. I had Spanish with Emmett. And Alice was in my trigonometry class.

I spent all lunch trying to listen to Erika and failing. She didn't seem to notice she was more like talking to herself though, maybe she wasn't so bad.

I dint give Edward Cullen much thought. It was only till biology class had started that I noticed he wasn't there. I found it very normal for me to not to notice something so obvious I never payed much attention anymore so it didn't surprise me that I hadn't noticed he wasn't there.

What was his problem?

That was the only thought I gave him…

He didn't go to school for the rest of the week…

* * *

That weekend Frankie introduced me to my new driver's license and my new car. It was a new silver Volvo s40 I loved it. On Sunday we both had a long day, he taught me how to drive the car it turned out fairly easy. I only crashed it two times and it only made a minor dent. Frankie fixed it with his wand and it was good as new.

It was the best day I've had in so long. And that is saying something; I liked it because I didn't think of any of my problems. It maintained me occupied, of course there's always a consequence because that night I didn't sleep for shit. And the next day was worst than the past few days.

On Tuesday I received a letter from harry, they were all doing somewhat good. The new defense against the dark arts teacher was Dolores umbridge that old thing that was at our hearing. Already I didn't like her though I found it funny how harry got in detention the first day of school, then I was angered when I found out the reason.

I wrote to him constantly telling him that nothing interesting was going on here, which was true. Over there however there were many things going on.

I found out how umbridge was not letting them use magic in her classes. Then how she became the high inquisitor and all that crap and now felt very important and all. Then came the news of Sturgis podmore a member of the order of the phoenix that was caught trying to go through a door at the ministry of magic and getting arrested. I first found out in the _daily prophet_ I asked about it to Frankie but he didn't say much. Just that he couldn't talk about it. I couldn't really talk about it with harry either because the letters might be intercepted so we couldn't talk about anything o do with the order.

Then Ron had become keeper for the Gryffindor quidditch tem and harry had taken my place as seeker. Ron needed practice but I'm sure everything will turn out fine. I also talked to Sirius for a bit. He went and visited and he was kind of sad when he had to leave. I didn't have much to say but I enjoyed his company all the same.

In that first month I also went for the weekend to be evaluated. I did well in all my classes. Frankie was a good teacher. Unfortunately I couldn't keep my mouth shut and landed myself in detention with umbridge. I argued with her over something I said and she wouldn't have that. So that Saturday I joined her in her scary kitten filled office and had my hand split open while I wrote lines and had my blood be used as ink. It wasn't pleasant and I would have to do it the next time I went…and the next…and the next …

I would go once a moth so yeah…

Then I don't know how it was but Hermione told us in that weekend that we needed a real teacher that would teach us to defend ourselves, And specially now with the whole voldemort situation. Then she thought that harry and I would be perfect for the job. We argued with her but in the end told her we'd think about it. If we did decide to do it I would try and help every time I went.

It was just as hard as I thought it would be, being back at Hogwarts. I was more gloomy than usual. I got paler and barely ate in those two days. It was maybe even harder than I had expected it. I didn't sleep at all I probably scared many people I looked like the walking dead. It affected me more than it should have and it wasn't ignored the next day at school.

* * *

"You look like hell Alex" commented Erika at lunch

"Thanks I love hearing that" I said sarcastically but the annoyance and irritation was evident in my face and tone.

She said nothing to this. I wasn't in my best mood. My visit to Hogwarts made me more depressed and more irritable with these muggles.

"What's wrong al?" asked Jason

The nerve of this kid and my name is short enough without him giving me a nickname.

I glared at him and he dropped it.

"Hmm" said Melissa (another friend I guess you can call her) "Edward Cullen is back…why would he have left for a whole month?"

So I've been here for a month? Damn it seemed an eternity to me.

Great he's back

"He's back" squealed Erika

"Lovely" I muttered sarcastically.

For the rest of lunch I stabbed my pizza and drowned it in soda.

History passed by in a blur

I walked to biology in a rush wanting the day to end as soon as possible. I did that everyday but never did I forget that time was not my friend.

I walked into class, took out my notebook, textbook, pen, and began writing everything that came to my head in my notebook. After some seconds I heard someone clear there throats silently and only then did I realize that I wasn't sitting alone.

I looked to my left and up and was met by hard gold colored eyes. He had a pained face but still managed to look stunning

I looked back to my notebook and continued writing but he wouldn't let it go.

"Hello" he said in an attractive voice. I looked at him. He attempted to give a kind smile…I think…he didn't succeed "I'm Edward Cullen" he continued with effort.

"Melody potter" I said, he gave me a confused look and after a few seconds I realized my big mistake.

"I- I mean…Alex po- parker" damn "Alex parker" I clarified, "I- it… it's nothing" I looked away hoping he would drop it.

He did

We didn't talk for the rest of class. Only when we were instructed to do so did we talk. And it was just about biology. I was too absorbed in my own problems to give a care on what he did.

Though he never seemed to move

I jumped at the sound of the bell. Then I got up to gather my things when I noticed that the chair next to me was already empty.

Like I usually did everyday I I ran towards my car. It kept people from catching up to me and talking to me.

I headed towards my car so fast that I didn't have time to stop when a car door opened and I crashed into it. The force of the crash made me tumble to the floor. My head hit against the hard concrete.

"Oww shit" I muttered my rubbing my head.

"I'm sorry" muttered an attractive low voice.

Well just my luck

I looked up and saw Edward who's was trying hard not to laugh. As funny as he may have thought it was he remained tense.

He gave me his hand to help me up. I ignored it and got up on my own, my head was throbbing and I could almost feel a lump growing. I know I was being rude but I was already irritable enough and crashing into his car door wasn't making it any better. I have to admit it must have looked funny.

"Are you all right?" he asked

"Does crashing into car doors seem alright to you?" I all but barked at him.

No answer

I groaned, "Well I'm standing right? So I'm fine"

Only then did I realize that I had been heading to the passengers side of the car. And that is why I crashed…

"Are you sure" I glared at him and he nodded understanding I wouldn't answer that.

"I'll take it as a yes" he muttered

I started to walk away

"What's her problem" he muttered

I turned around. The tears I had held back all weekend long now threatening to spill.

"You wouldn't understand" I hissed

He seemed surprised that I had heard him but he still answered.

"I've got greater problems?" he said dangerously.

A growl escaped my lips. I couldn't help it but I kind of got it into my system after I was turned into a half vampire. He looked taken aback by he sound that protruded from me. Then his eyes widened and I had no idea why. It was my cue to leave.

"How did you-"he didn't finish or I didn't let him because I hurried to the other side of the car and got into the passengers side quickly. One glance at the rearview mirror and I realized why he looked so shocked. Not only had I growled but my eyes were a striking red.

Oh my ********

This is not good, not good at all.

Now I definitely don't want to get on his bad side. Just to be safe that he might not tell. Then of course no one would believe him.

I lowered the passenger window and called out his name.

"Edward" he slowly made his way towards the car

I closed my eyes as he leaned down to look at me.

"What" he snapped, can't say I don't deserve that

"I'm sorry for being rude" the words weren't convincing for I wasn't sorry at all.

He didn't say anything

"Can you move so I can leave?" I said trying to sound polite.

I opened my eyes just one bit to check if he had moved. But he was still there staring at me as if I caused him pain.

"I really don't want to run you over, it's the last thing I need." He moved back and I pulled away, heading to Frankie's house.

What took me over the edge?

The fact that Edward thought he could understand my problems, the fact that he thought that he had greater problems than I did. Well what does he know? A stupid rich boy that's never had to work for anything, who doesn't know anything about life. Sure he lost his family but he was adopted by someone that at least loves him. He hasn't lost someone so special to him that he's wanted to kill himself. He doesn't know what it's like to be me!

Now what could he know about life! He hasn't experienced it like I have

These thoughts raged inside of me and it became to much. I had to pull over because everything started swimming out of view as my eyes pooled with tears. I began crying and the tears streamed down my cheeks. I rested my head on the wheel of the car.

Someone tapped on my window I looked up and saw Edward.

"You again? Go away" I growled, not giving a care anymore. He wouldn't let it go he tapped on my window again. I hissed but lowered the automatic window.

"Do you need help going home?" Are you serious?

"No I need you to go away!" I sobbed

I should have locked the doors

My door was suddenly opened and I was pulled out of the car. It was done without effort. I was so light now.

"Leave me alone" I whispered

"Sorry but not in the state you at" said a different voice, though it was still equally attractive.

He steered me to the other side of the car and got me into the passenger's seat and put on my seatbelt.

My eyes were closed but I heard the quiet purr of my car as it was brought to life. I rested my head against the window and then opened my eyes. I looked out the window; we were going much faster than I would have dared to go.

"So do you usually break down like this?" said the voice, he made the question sound so casual. I turned and saw Emmett at the wheel of the car.

I nodded and sobbed quietly. The tears were starting to stop but they would run out again once I was alone.

"I'm Emmett" he said

"Alex"

"So don't you get tired of crying?"

"Do you think I like crying?"

"I just don't think a girl like you should cry, its not fair"

"Nothing in life is right"

"Strong words-true- but strong all the same not many people your age think that way"

"_My_ age" how old was _he _then?

"And mines" he amended. That sounds more like it.

"That's because they don't know what life is really like"

"And you do?"

No answer

We arrived to the house and he began pulling into the garage.

"I won't ask how you knew where I live"

He laughed

"And I won't tell you that this is a pretty small town."

"True"

I didn't feel any better but right now the smart thing to do was to pretend.

Someone opened my door and unbuckled me. I got my schoolbag and stepped outside. It was Edward.

"Sweet ride" said Emmett eyeing Frankie's black Honda fit.

"It's my brothers" I said

"He's not working today" asked Edward he sounded curious

"No" I lied

They looked at each other doubtfully both frowning

"Thanks" I said to the both of them

"Will you be fine" his tone made it sound like he could care less. Why couldn't other people sound like that when they asked me the same question?

"Yeah" I headed to the garage door I stopped and turned to look at them. They hadn't moved they were staring at each other as if they were trying to silently communicate with each other. They noticed me watching them and they instantly followed me out.

It was beginning to rain outside. I noticed their Audi parked on the curve of the sidewalk.

"You got a nice ride yourself" I commented trying to sound casual. I was desperate to go into the house.

"Its Edwards" said Emmett I nodded. I looked up just as a white owl flew to the back of the house. It was Hedwig I was sure of it.

"Well thanks, again for…helping me"

"See you" said Emmett and Edward shot him an angry look

"Yeah" I said I headed to the house and quickly got in. I ran to my room as soon as I closed the font door

I entered the room and sure enough Hedwig was outside pecking the French doors. I opened one door and she flew into the room. She wasn't carrying anything.

Well what brings you over here precious" I murmured as she settled herself on my shoulder. I stroked her head as she nibbled affectionately on my ear.

"Fighting with harry?"

She hooted sadly

"Don't worry, he'll come around. Give him a rest the boy's got a lot on his plate right now?"

She hooted agreeing

I knew I couldn't escape the tears or the pain that began to slowly engulf me.

Hedwig gave me company while I broke down again. She was the best company ever. You see, she never talked-naturally- not even hoot. She just sat on my shoulder and rubbed her feathery head against my cheek soothingly.

I didn't eat anything that day. And Frankie didn't try to make me eat, for which I was grateful.

Hedwig stayed awake with me till I cried myself to sleep. She woke me up early in the morning nibbled on my ear and left. She had to go make amend \s with harry.

My night had been horrible and I was exhausted.

I didn't go to school that day. Seeing as how I didn't do homework I might as well stay

What would await me on Wednesday?

* * *

**kay so im glad i just finished this chapter.**

**uhm so yeah** **please review **

**tell me if you have any questions kay **

**and yes hope you enjoyed this chapter **

**-kairi**


	5. bring the pain

Edwards's pov

Once Alex was in her house Emmett and I rushed into the car.

"How'd it go?" asked Alice

"There's something wrong with that girl" said Emmett

"Why would she lie and say that her brother was there when clearly he was not" said jasper, so he noticed

"And why would her brother leave his car and not be there at the house?" said Rosalie

"Whatever this is I can tell you that this girl is not human and she is definitely hiding something" I said as we arrived to the house.

"Tell us once were inside" said Alice, I nodded.

We all headed to the house and were there in less than a second. Esme and Carlisle, sensing we needed to talk, were already at the dining room seated.

We all took our seats.

"So what happened today?" asked Carlisle

"It was much harder than the last time but I barely just managed" I said

_Barely _I heard Alice thoughts say _do you have any idea how many times I saw you killing her?_

"Yes she's alive" said Emmett in an annoyed tone "but what happened Edward? What makes you think she's not human?" everyone's head automatically turned to stare at me

"I have enough reasons to think that not only is she inhuman but she is hiding something though I don't think it is any of our business what she is hiding" they all nodded. "today I came across her in the parking lot and well the words that we spoke to each other were not pleasant…" esme looked at me worriedly and I shook my head, of course I didn't let anything slip.

"Something I said really angered her and…she growled at me it was inhuman. No human would have been able to make a sound like that and her eyes- her eyes- Emmett did you see what color her eyes were?"

Emmett seemed a bit confused. "they were black" he said it as though it was obvious.

"Her eyes are green" murmured Alice

"Yeah and when I talked to her- when she got mad- her eyes turned red I saw it"

"But how can that be?" Said Carlisle

"Well knowing that I think Edward is right that girl is not human" said Rosalie rarely did she agree with me but then again I had barely talked to her especially this past century

"Should we be worried?" said Esme

"Well they've been here for a month and everything seems to be fine…" he seemed to be deep in thought

_They seem calm enough _he thought

"if we see that something is amiss then I guess we should intrude, only if we see something that might point towards them though… otherwise I think maybe we should leave them alone and not intrude upon their lives" everyone looked at him and we all nodded we all agreed with him but I saw curiosity in Alice's mind as well as Emmett's and I myself was very curious, though I knew I shouldn't be. Being curious was taking a bad step but I didn't think any of it at the moment

"Anything else we should know Edward?" asked Carlisle

"Nothing that should matter Carlisle" I assured him

* * *

That night I went hunting and Alice accompanied me.

"So what are you thinking?" said Alice as I finished my third deer.

"I'm not thinking much Alice" I walked over to her and leaned against a tree.

"Yeah you are"

"I'm thinking what she could possibly be hiding"

"Yeah that's been running around in my head too lately"

"Trust me I know" she grinned at me

"There's something you didn't tell Carlisle" she guessed

"Its scary how you know me so well Alice. Should I worry?"

"not at all well I wouldn't be worried" I tried to chuckle. I wasn't successful however.

She noticed, "So what was it you didn't tell him" she asked changing the conversation

"It's not much. It's just that when she introduced herself she said her name was melody potter, and then she corrected herself and said her name was Alex parker. "

"why didn't you tell Carlisle"

I shrugged "I didn't think it important"

"but it does draw some attention" she added and I nodded "I noticed something too" she said

"what?"

"there are some periods where her future just gets lost, then it appears much later, sometimes it disappears for hours.

"Eavesdropping Alice?" she stuck out her tounge at me

"Call it whatever you like but you have to admit that it is weird Edward"

"It is do you think she is something like a werewolves" I said remembering the werewolves from la push. How you couldn't see their future

"I don't think so because I never could see the werewolves and with her I can see her but her future just goes missing sometimes. Besides she looks much to weak to be a werewolf"

"Could she possibly be hanging out with a werewolf or something of sorts?"

"I don't know" she said thoughtfully

"Well keep looking out for her future and try and see if there is a pattern to her disappearances. Does it happen often?"

"Almost everyday not to day though" an image of Alex crying in the darkness of her room passed through Alice's mind

"She's not doing very well is she?" I asked and she shook her head

"I just don't understand what could have possibly happened to her that is making her react like this and Edward you haven't seen that girl the past few months but everyday she seems worse well emotionally at the least. Today was what really scared me though"

"I know what you mean she looked worse than the first time I saw her."

"Edward she seems like living death. I kind of keep expecting her to drop dead at anytime. A human can't go through such depression, it kills them eventually"

"Yeah it does I don't even think it is possible for a human to experience such pain. I've never seen any human in such pain that is so evident in her eyes.

"the look in her eyes scares me… they are dead and hold no emotion but at the same time there's something in them I cant quite say what it is but it scares me a lot"

Oh no I cant do this I cant become too interested in this whole situation. It not right

"We shouldn't be worrying over her own problems Alice its none of our business"

_Oh Edward you try to be so cold… _her tone was disapproving

"Just forget what we just talked about Alice"

* * *

The next day she wasn't at school

An image of Alex curled into a very small ball on the corner of her room passed through my head and I glared at Alice

_She's not getting any better did I tell you that on the weekend I couldn't see her future at all?_

I ignored her completely

* * *

On Wednesday she was back and she looked very slightly better.

She wouldn't speak to anyone and she ate alone.

It was just as hard as that first day to sit next to her in biology. I was well aware of her but she seemed to be unaware of any of her surroundings. Her face was blank and she didn't move at all throughout the whole class. It was such and eerie sight that no one not even the teacher tried to break her out of her trance.

We never spoke. Not much had changed though. As curious as I might be about this creature I still hated her and I still wanted to kill her. Her smell still made my throat burn and I was still in much pain. I was still cold and careless on what happened to me and I still missed _her_ and grieved her.

Alice kept looking out for her future but I refused to listen to whatever she had to say about Alex.

* * *

The months passed and I noticed that once a month she would leave early on Friday and come back on Monday looking worse than when she left. She looked so bad to the point that her skin no longer was pale but it began to get a very light tint of grey. Her bones were very noticeable and she wouldn't eat at all.

But nothing changed for me. Nothing really happened until December….

* * *

**its short i know but theres not much that edward does in the next few months **

**he remains sulky and grieving for bella **

**on alex's side though there are many things to tell **

**mostly from the wizarding world **

**i will say this though there will be more alex and edward after the winter break **

**you guys remember what happens in winter break in harry potter and the order of the phoenix right?**

**please review**

**im open to sugestions**

**-kairi **


	6. numb

* * *

Alex's pov

I was back at school on Wednesday and everything went as if none of the incidents from Monday ha ever happened neither Emmett or Edward or any of the Cullen's talked to me and didn't try to talk to them I had already said my thanks.

I felt slightly better but I wasn't in the mood for muggle interaction. I wouldn't talk to anyone and I ate alone. No one bothered me.

There wasn't much going on at forks the next few months. I can't say the same for Hogwarts. I couldn't talk much to harry about things from the order or about voldemort through a letter. We had reason to believe umbridge was intercepting harry's mail to read it. We suspected this because Hedwig had been attacked once. So they began to fill me in on everything when I went for my evaluations. I had to go more often now to get prepared for my O.W.L's, so I began to go two weekends a moth and missed two Fridays of school a month, so I left for Hogwarts for three days.

Harry and I had agreed to the defense against the dark arts lessons. I would help out whenever I could.

When we went to hogsmeade to talk with the group of students that were interested I ended up breaking down when cedric was mentioned by one of the students and harry, Ron, Fred, and George told off the idiot that talked about him.

dobby (one of the house elf's from Hogwarts) had found the great place to practice. It was called the room of requirement and it was absolutely perfect and impossible for us to be caught. Someone, however, had informed umbridge what we planned to do, so with the power of the almighty high inquisitor, the thing banned all student clubs, organizations, meetings, etc. and whoever didn't obey would be expelled.

We also found out –the hard way- that umbridge was keeping check of all the Hogwarts fires. She almost caught Sirius while he talked to harry through the fire.

Hagrid had come back he told us that he went to go meet the giants and try to convince them to be on our side , however it seemed like the death eaters had gotten to them first. Now Hagrid was severely bruised and it made him look quite scary in my opinion.

Then professor Trelawney had been put on probation by umbridge and from what I saw and heard while I was there she was not taking it well. She came up with even more gruesome predictions on how I would die along with harry. You could almost say she hated us, well it seemed like it. But Trelawney being put on probation made us afraid that Hagrid would be the next. That thing hates half breeds and no doubt she would try to get him kicked out.

I also attended to the first quidditch game of the year which was with Gryffindor against Slytherin. Poor Ron it didn't go well for him but I think that was just because of the nerves. Gryffindor won it was a good game and I got to give up to my brother, harry was an excellent seeker. I had gone down to the field to meet up with the team and congratulate them instead I ended up in detention for the rest of the year. Malfoy was talking shit about my mother when I went down and that set off my temper. I hexed him and then gave him a black eye. Harry and George contributed in the jinxing though. And they got pulled out of the team along with Fred and I was put on detention once a month with umbridge. Now the words on the back of my hand would never fade.

There was also something that had been bothering me. Every time I would go to sleep I would be disturbed with dreams of me being in a long hall and there was a door at the very end of hat hall, every time I was near enough to open it the dream would change and I was back in my nightmares of cedric shortly followed with my waking up screaming.

My scar continually bothered me too.

* * *

It was now Monday on the last week before winter break. I had come back form Hogwarts the day before, and I wasn't all too good.

"Morning Frankie" I said as I say him coming out of his own room

He took one look at me "maybe not so good" he said suggestively. i shrugged my thin shoulders indifferently. I was exhausted but I had not been able to bring myself to sleep last night I looked like a walking corpse.

"Do you want to go to school?" he said, did I look bad enough to not look good enough to go to school? Am I even making sense anymore?

"No I'll be fine"

"Come on" he said and he bent his knees so I could clib onto his back. I lightly put my arms around his neck and he made sure my legs were securely wrapped around his waist. Then he walked us down the stairs to the kitchen.

Once in the kitchen I slid of his back onto my feet and got some cereal then sat down.

I was silent as Frankie ate while I played with my cereal.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he began

"You have no idea what it feels like having to go back to Hogwarts every month" I whispered I could barely talk

"No I don't" he paused "but I can see what it does to you"

I ducked my head

"Nothing goes unnoticed by you huh?" I muttered

He gave a low chuckle

"Not much. Its easy to see how bad it is for you, every time you come back you look worse than when you left"

I looked at the clock on the wall.

"We have to go" I announced not meeting his eyes

We both got up

"you might want to do something about you eyes"

"Huh?"

"They are violet"

"Oh right… thanks"

We walked together to the living room

"I might be a little late home" he informed me as I looked for my keys

"Right"

"Will, you be all right?"

"I won't burn down the house if that is what you're worried about"

He laughed

"Alex?"

"Huh?" I turned to look at him. Not knowing where had put my keys this time. Last time they were in the fridge.

He took my keys from the coffee table.

"Here are your keys" he tossed them to me and I catched them

"Thanks" I muttered

"I'll see you later then"

"Bye"

I got my bag and was closing the door just as a green light filled the room.

I arrived school and had a hard time finding a space. It was odd, it was full but there was still ten minutes left before school started.

I finally found a spot and in next to Edwards Audi.

I left the music on. One of my pieces was next and I began to think on the lyrics for that piece. I sang them out hoping I would forget the headache that was killing me.

**(Song originally by savage garden title I don't know you anymore)**

_I would like to visit you for a while _

_Get away and out of this city_

_Maybe I shouldn't have called _

_But someone had to be the first to break_

_We can go sit on your porch relax _

_Talk about anything it don't matter _

_I'll be courageous if you can pretend that you've forgiven me _

_Cause a don't know you anymore _

_I don't recognize this place _

_The picture frames have changed_

_And so has your name _

_We don't talk much anymore _

_We keep running from the pain _

_But what I wouldn't give to see your face again _

_Springtime in the city_

_Always such relief from the winter breeze_

_The snow is more lonely than cold if you know what I mean _

_Everyone's got an agenda _

_Don't stop keep that chin up you'll be alright _

_Can you believe what a year it's been _

_Are you still the same? _

_Has your pinion changed? _

_Cause I don't know you anymore_

_I don't recognize this place_

_The picture frames have changed and so has your name_

_We don't talk much anymore _

_We keep running from these sentences _

_But what I wouldn't give to see your face again _

_I know I let you down again and again _

_I know I never really treated you right _

_I've paid the price I'm still paying for it everyday_

_So maybe I shouldn't have called _

_Was it too soon to tell what the hell it doesn't really matter? _

_How do redefine something that never really had a name _

_Has your opinion changed? _

_Cause I don't know you anymore _

_I don't recognize this place _

_The picture frames have changed and so has your name _

_We don't talk much anymore _

_We keep running from the pain _

_But what I wouldn't give to see your face again _

_I see your face _

_I see your face _

The song drifted to its end and I put my fingertips to my temples. My headache seemed to only get bigger.

It wouldn't go away. I put my head back against the headrest and pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingertips while looking at the ceiling.

After some time I looked at the clock in the dashboard. Class started in five minutes. I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. I looked to my left and saw Edward in his car staring straight ahead into the woods.

He turned to look at me as if I had called him, but there was no expression in his eyes and his face gave nothing away.

I got out of my car and headed for the school

I was vaguely aware of him following me...

* * *

I went to my classes as usual. But the damn headache never left me.

I didn't bother with the lunch line that day. What for? I wasn't going to eat anything anyway. I sat alone I wasn't in the mood for interactions with anyone. But apparently Jason wasn't having that. U was writing down rubbish in my notebook and I heard someone take a seat across from me.i looke up to see him grinning at me.

"Can I help you?" I said my voice expressing my monotony

"Yes you can" he said. I looked at him waiting for him to talk. He didn't

"Go on?"

"Are you busy Saturday night?" no good mother fucker **(pardon the language)**

"Yes I will be and I will be busy every weekend as far as I'm concerned"

"Oh well then I was wondering if maybe tomorrow night-"

"No"

"But you don't know what I was-"

"You don't have to tell me I know what you are going to say and answer is no so run along now"

"Why won't you go out with anybody?" he said frustrated

Somewhere deep inside of me I was writhing in pain more than usual, I was just too numb now to acknowledge it, still it was there.

"It's none of your business why I don't date Jason so leave before I get mad"

"Why did you get dumped by your last boyfriend? Is that why you are so miserable?"

"Fuck off" I muttered my voice cracking at the end

"Just tell me why?"

"My last relationship did not end well you jackass" I pushed my notebook towards his lunch tray and it his lunch fell on his lap. The pizza and milk staining his pants.

"Fuck Alex" he said as I put my notebook in my bag. I looked up and straight ahead as I got up and I saw Edward looking at me. His eyes seemed like they were trying to solve a mystery they looked deep in thought. I turned on my heel and headed out of the cafeteria.

I spent the rest of the lunch period looking over my happier memories, the ones with cedric in them. I didn't care about the hell I would pay for later on I was so used to the pain I never enjoyed it but I learned to pretend to be its friend. And in any case I deserved the pain. I was paying for being alive while he was not and that was the one reason that made me explore those memories again.

_Cedric and I were at the very edge of hogsmeade sitting on a huge rock. _

"_You know what I like about you?" he said as we watched the snow fall_

"_No…is there anything to like about me?" I said doubtfully and he laughed _

"_Of course there is" he said _

"_What do you like about me then?" _

"_You are reckless" I looked at him with a confused look "it's like you like to get in trouble and you are such a free soul"_

"_Yeah well you learn to befriend trouble after sometime besides what life without the trouble"_

"_You are weird" _

"_And yet here you sit with me talking to me" I pushed him of the rock and he fell on his back to the cold snow _

"_Did I mention you were brutal?" _

"_Oh but I knew that" I said kneeling next to him he stayed on the snow _

"_You know what I like about you?" I said _

"_What" _

"…_everything…" he sat up and looked into my eyes. I looked into his gray eyes in turn. _

"_You look so innocent" he said and he leaned into me and I was nervous. Unintentionally I leaned back quickly and fell onto the snow he fell on top of me. He laughed _

"_You definitely are innocent" _

"_Only sometimes" I said playfully _

_He stroked my cheek, they were pink with the cold and so was my nose. I closed my eyes at his touch and then I felt something soft and ice\y grazing my lips. This was all new to me I didn't know what to do but the feeling inside of me was the most wonderful feeling inside of me that it guided me. I pressed my lips to his and he slowly opened his mouth and I followed. He held all his weight on his arms and I pit my hands on his face pulling it closer to me then I felt his tongue slowly and hesitantly slip into my mouth I felt the tip of it touch my tongue, it was pure bliss, I was gone and I didn't know were I went when why or how. The feeling of our tongues against each others was indescribable because it was the kind of feeling that makes you hurt on the stomach but not in the bad type of way. He smiled against me and slowly pulled his mouth away and kissed my lips a few more times. _

"_I think I love you" I whispered in his ear and he chuckled_

"_I know I love you" he whispered back and he rolled of me onto his side. _

_We sat there looking at each other for a long time touching each others faces and memorizing them. We didn't have to talk about it to know that we would be spending the rest of our lives together._

"_I'm so stupid" I murmured against his fingers that were on my lips _

"_Why?" _

"_For bonding with the enemy" he laughed. But it sounded nervous. I had just reminded us both that the first ask was coming this Monday in two days_

"_Then lets be stupid together" _

"_I like the sound of that" _

"_But come on, your brother will kill me if I get you back sick" _

"_I'm sick with love" I said. Let's see what he ha to say to that _

"_You're so cheesy" _

"_Only on Saturdays" he chuckled. _

"_I like your hair" i added,he looked at me confused _

"_I like its color" it was a light brown and it was disheveled _

"_I forgot to mention you were also random" _

"_You get used to it after a while" _

_He looked at me _

"_Never did I once think I would fall for you. You are so full of surprises I must be under your spell" _

"_Vice versa" _

_He laughed and pressed his lips to mine once more…_

Why do the good things always come to an end?

Like right now I was having a good time and now its time to get back to class.

I headed to history and was lost in my hell again ten times worse now. I wasn't kidding when I said I would have hell to pay.

Biology wasn't any better I hardly paid attention to anything the only thing tht really alerted me was the bell. I quickly gathered my things desperate to drown myself in more memories.

"What are you?" said someone next to me I turned and saw Edward looking at me from his seat.

"But you see I could ask you the same thing and you wouldn't answer me either would you?" I muttered in a low voice

He grimaced but didn't answer

"That's what I thought" I said and with that I walked out of the classroom.

* * *

"Any news?" I asked Frankie as I helped him make dinner.

"no not really" he answered "how was school?"

I looked at him "well what can I say school was school"

He laughed "I understand what you mean"

"yeah you better"

* * *

That night I actually ate something just to put on a show for Frankie. I might as well try and make someone happy why make the both of us miserable?

* * *

_I was sliding on the floor under the cool smooth floor turning her and there in the hallway. Tasting the air with my tongue when I smelled a man I could see him. He was fast asleep. There was someone at my side too, it was harry except he wasn't really there. He was like an illusion, of no importance. The man began to stir. Ui rose of the floor and attacked before he was fully awake. I sunk my fangs deep into him one twice and again for the third time….Mr. weasley? _

I woke up turning and screaming. I rolled over and my face connected with the floor, I heard a nasty crunch that in any other case would have worried me.

"Frank-"I gasped taking in large gulps of air and then screamed as loud as I could "FRANKIE!"

It only took him seconds to come barging into the room. He found me in a corner of the room shaking and sweating my stomach lurching.

"What's going on Alex" he said shaking me I looked at him

"You have to help him- he's dying he's in trouble help him-"

"Help who Alex?" his voice was urgent

"Mr. Weasley" I whispered. It took him a few seconds for him to react.

"Why what happened"

"IT'S NOT THE TIME TO AKS ME HE IS DYING RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE TO HELP HIM!" then it was too much I turned away and puked out all of the contents in my stomach. I had to choose this day to please some one and eat

Frankie held my hair while I threw up. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and sat up again. I was panting and shaking I was panicked. Did I attack him?

"I need you to tell me what you saw to be able to help him" Frankie said his voice full of urgency.

"I was dreaming of something and then the dream changed and I saw Mr. Weasley I think he was guarding something and then a giant snake attacked him and there was blood everywhere and…and…" there wasn't anything else left to say

He didn't say anything he just took his wand and then a silver eagle shot out of his wand the eagle turned to us and Frankie spoke

"Tell Dumbledore that Alex just had a dream-"

"It wasn't a dream" I started but he hushed me

"Arthur weasley is in trouble" he continued the eagle nodded its head and then took off.

"Hurry" I whispered Frankie looked at me and he took hi wand once more

"let me fix your nose it looks broken" he pointed it at me I closed my eues

"_Episkey" _I heard him mutter. My nose felt very hot and then it felt very close. I touched it and it seemed to be fixed.

He then proceeded to cleaning up my face from the blood that had been running down my nose. Once he had cleaned of the mess I did on the floor he carried me downstairs were we silently waited to hear from Dumbledore.

Then a silver phoenix came into the room stopping right before us it opened its mouth and spoke in Dumbledore's calm voice

"Send her to grimmauld place" it said and then it vanished

"Guess that means your having an early start on your winter break" he said getting up.

* * *

**you know i barely noticed that i have not said once that neither twiligt nor harry potter belong to me **

**do here it goes **

**neither twilight nor harry potter belong to me**

**so please review... i would like to thank to raeb 2008 that person is my favorite so far for giving a nice and long review **

**do you feel up to the challenge **

**so if i get five reviews i promise that i will give the five lucky people a chance to recommend their story in here. **

**so just give me your review then the story you want to recommend and if i get five or more revies i will recommend those stories **

**thanks**

**-airali **


	7. i dont care

Edwards's pov 

The months passed and each day was as monotonous as the last. Not that I expected much, what was I to expect from life?

* * *

It was now Monday on the week before winter break.

I parked the car in the school parking lot

"You're not coming with us?" said Alice when I turned off the engine

"No I want to be alone" I said she nodded and they all silently left the car. I tuned out all the thoughts of different people just leaving me with my own. I let my thoughts drift not paying attention to any of them.

It was times like these when I wondered. Why did I keep my promise to Bella?

I heard a car pull up next to mine but I didn't move. A few minutes later I began to hear music I could hear the piano it was followed by the loveliest voice I had ever heard. It was sweet and attractive it had hints and traces of the voice of a child yet it managed to sound even sweeter than melting honey better than soft velvet it was a voice not even a vampire could ever have.

_I would like to visit you for a while _

_Get away and out of this city _

Everything around me began to blur

_Maybe I shouldn't have called but someone had to be the first to break _

Everything around me was a swirl of colors

Then everything came back into focus but I wasn't in my car let alone forks.

It was too sunny, my skin sparkled but I tried to ignore that.

I took a look at my surroundings far away I could see mountains. I was in a park it seemed. There were teenagers everywhere talking to one another, Sitting in groups on the ground. I turned around and some distance away I could see a massive castle teenagers came in and out of it all laughing and enjoying each others company. Before I could see anymore I heard a shriek behind me and I spun around. Someone noticed me…what have I done?

I was wrong I turned and saw a great lake and a girl was coming out of the water her clothes dripping.

"cedric you- you…you whopper!" the girl said pretending to be mad he voice was more beautiful than the chime of bell. She looked familiar…

A boy with light brown disheveled hair and gray eyes laughed. He looked to be around 16 or 17 his features were all sharp and well defined. He walked to the girl and helped her out of the water.

"Whopper? Is that all you could think of?"

"no I can think of many more but one they are too mean and two they are not school appropriate" she said making face

"And when has that ever stopped you?"

She lightly punched him in the arm

"What does whopper mean anyway?"

"It means big so you're a whopper jerk for pushing me into the water"

"And can you blame me for not being able to help myself?"

"You just taking advantage of my size big headed twit"

"I didn't think it was that big" they were walking towards me and only then did I notice that no one was noticing me. Like I did not even exist.

"Oh its not " she said before she ran past me towards a tree. She took hold of the lowest branch and pulled herself up she went up a bit more then settled on a branch.

Then I recognized her. She looked so different, that couldn't be her could it? She was the complete opposite…

Alex?

This girl looked nothing like Alex and yet she looked a lot like her. She had red hair in a halo of casual disarray. Her hair was redder than Alex's it was the color of blood. Her eyes were even more mesmerizing than Alex's not only were they greener but they were alive and full of excitement, love, happiness, the list goes on. There was a glint in the corner of her eyes and they were wide and alert. Her skin too was different it was not longer that pale almost gray tint; it was still pale but much healthier looking. There were spots of pink on them and her lips were red. She was still skinny but there is a difference between healthy skinny and unhealthy skinny like Alex.

This girl looked healthy; evidence was she was happily climbing trees with the agility of a monkey. She looked to be thirteen or fourteen fifteen at the very least. Much like Alex, but that couldn't be Alex could it? A person doesn't change so much in and so drastically in such a short amount of time.

The boy walked towards the tree and looked up.

"Remember when you got stuck up there last month?" he asked looking up

"Don't remind me I'm still traumatized I was up here for a long time"

"Yet you don't learn."

"Of course I learned now I only climb trees when you're here"

"I feel more like a baby sitter than you're boyfriend"

"You don't mean that"

"No besides i like taking care of you, you put me in te weirdest situations" He chuckled as put up his arms and she dropped into his arms she put her on her feet

"I don't think it's healthy to be so light melody"

"Well I'm still climbing so I don't think I should worry right now" she wrapped her arms around his neck and jumped he caught her and kissed her…

Everything blurred once more and then the scene rearranged itself and I was in a hallway lit by candles on the walls.

I heard footsteps coming my way and I looked at where the sound was coming from. it was the same girl and the same boy they ran hand in had their faces pure terror. I easily followed as they ran knowing by now that they couldn't see me. They ran into a room full of desks it looked like a classroom if I was not mistaken. They closed the door quickly but silently and held their breaths listening for something.

"Criminals" I heard an unpleasant voice say "they are here somewhere and then they will be in big trouble"

_Nasty kids if we were back in my time they would be well disciplined ill get them…_ the man was furious he began thinking up a whole string of profanities. Then he ran off.

The boy and girl let their breaths out. The boy clutching his side and the girl slid down the wall cracking up. He put a hand to her mouth to muffle her laughs.

"Shut it Mel he might hear us"

She calmed down "oh my god I haven't had this much fun in a long time"

"That scared the bejesus out of me" he said slumping next to her

"So you've never gone out from your common room at night?" she asked snuggling next to him he put an arm around her shoulders

"Never had a reason to"

"I see"

"But I see what you mean about what's life without a risk"

"You are officially living life my love" she murmured

"No I started living life the fist time you kissed me"

"And there is more to come" she said searching for his lips until they met.

Now seeing the both of them I felt more alone than ever…

The scene blurred then rearranged itself once more. I was in a room there were chairs and table everywhere and a couch. books were scattered here and there along with what looked like parchment.

I stood before a fireplace which was empty

"Alex?" I heard a male voice call I looked to see who the voice belonged to. It was a boy around fourteen years of age. He had untidy jet black hair and a pale complexion he also had the exact same shade of green eyes as the other girl had. His eyes though were sad pained and worried.

_There's not much I can say to make her feel better but I feel so useless…_

I followed his gaze and my eyes fell upon a girl she hugged her knees to her chest and was sobbing tears stained her beautiful face and her eyes seemed to be burning with pain.

How can a human hold so much pain and still live?

"Alex?" called the boy again taking a step towards her

"Go away" she whispered her voice was hoarse as if she hadn't talked in days.

"you can talk to me when you need to you know?"

she didn't answer she just looked at the empty fireplace.

He left the room.

I sat down next to her she was different yet recognizable. Her hair wasn't spiky and short anymore. It was now long and straight and a deep black. Her eyes weren't green anymore but coal black dead and lifeless. Like a corpses gaze they don't really look at anything that's in front of them.

"what happened to you?" I whispered, she didn't move…

Everything blurred and I was once again sitting in my car.

I sensed someone looking at me and I looked to my right.

There she was. Looking just as bad as I remembered her. Her beautiful inexpressive eyes looking at me.

I looked back.

What was she? Who was she? What happened to her? What did she hide? Did anyone harm her? What is her problem?

All were unanswered questions but little did I know that somewhere in the very back of my mind I was I was determined to find out.

She got out of her car. I glanced at the clock on the dashboard. Class was bout to start. I Got my school bag and slung it over my shoulder, I stepped out of the car and into the rain and i followed her into the school.

Should I try to talk to her about this?

I felt like I had to tell her about this, I actually got a glance at her mind today well her memories, but then that would give me away. Then I remembered this wasn't any of my business. I shouldn't be troubling my "life" any further with some human's emotional problems.

I headed to my first class were I had time to think of everything that I had seen. Know I was definitely and ultimately positive that she wasn't a normal human she was hiding something, but what? Was she aware that at I saw those memories? There was also something that I thought about briefly how is it that her hair color and eyes changed to black I doubted it had anything to do with hair dye and contacts. Why is she lying about her name?

Never had I had so many questions in my entire existence. I kept thinking all of these questions and more over my head for the next classes until lunch came.

* * *

"You look spaced out Edward" commented Emmett sitting down with his tray of food.

"Good to know you notice things em" I muttered, jasper chuckled. Alice gave me a look that told me that she wanted to know what I had found out. Sure enough that's where her thoughts were at.

I saw as Alex walked in to the cafeteria not bothering to join the lunch line. instead she walked straight to an empty table and began writing on a notebook

_It's not the same as last time, the way he looks at her is not like last time it is all just mere curiosity…_ Alice thought

_It feels different it is not the same feeling as Bella. He doesn't care about this human like he did before he even realized he loved Bella_ … jaspers voice was the one that really stuck out to me. Of course this wasn't like with Bella. With Bella it was much more different. She was different and this girl no matter how abnormal she was to me she was just another human. It would never e the same again the only one for me was long gone. Was my family expecting me to fall for this girl? Well they would be disappointed.

I watched as Jason McClenny sat on her table and attempted to ask her out his head full off vile thoughts that angered me. The fact that I could care less about this girl didn't mean that it was okay for anyone to have such ungentlemanly thoughts about her, or any other female in this room.

Watching her turn down that boy made another question sprout in me

Was she like this because of the boy in her memories? Did he do something to her? Did he leave her? Why did she come here?

I knew that her parents had died but no one knew where she lived before or why she came here. Could the boy have something to do with that?

I saw her standing up after she dumped the idiot's tray onto him. Her eyes met mines briefly. There was something in them but it was all hidden behind that inexpressive stare.

Then she stormed out of the cafeteria, I waited a few minutes and then followed her outside. I followed her overwhelming scent that made my throat burn as if acid was being poured on it only the pain was a million time stronger. I found her in her car she was string straight ahead into the woods her tiny feeble hands clutching the steering wheel. It looked as if she griped it any harder her bones would shatter.

I went into the woods and stalked her from behind a tree were I was sure she was not able to see me or any one else for that matter.

Watching her from here made me realize that while I looked at her memories or whatever it was that I saw never once was I able to smell her or anyone for that matter.

I stalked her all lunch period but she never relaxed, she never moved, she never blinked she just stared off into the woods. Her expression was similar to Alice's when she was having a vision and that made me wonder, was she remembering something?

What was she thinking? What was she seeing? More importantly what was she?

It was almost time to go to next period when she came back to life, I guess you can say. She looked around and then quietly sighed in disappointment. Then she got out of the car and headed to her class.

I headed to my class thinking on many things. It had been a long time ago since I had actually thought anything at all.

Sometime during my Spanish class I reminded myself to stay out of her business. But suddenly that seemed like a hard thing to do. My curiosity was too powerful for me to resist. Besides the worst that could happen was that I would kill her and that didn't mean much too me at the moment. So why back off.

I was in biology when she walked in. it was routine now, she would sit down without acknowledging me or I her. Like neither of us existed to each other.

I noticed she was more fidgety than usual. It was unusual for her she was always so still. Today she kept glancing ant the clock and huffing in frustration. It was entertaining to see her like this. She looked like a small child being deprived of watching their favorite TV show.

What was she waiting for?

So many questions I had about this creature. Questions that I would try my hardest to find an answer to, but could no be positive about it.

As soon as the bell rung she jumped off her seat and began gathering her books.

What would her answer be to me if I asked her a really direct question? I knew she wouldn't answer but how about I measure her reaction?

She turned to leave and I decided I wouldn't lose anything with asking.

"What are you?" I said loud enough for only her to hear. My voice was careful and guarded. Then I realized how stupid I was for asking her this. It wouldn't only bring attention to me and that is the last thing I wanted to have this creature suspecting something about me.

She slowly turned to me her expression questioning me

"but you see" she said in a low voice so that no one else heard "I could ask you the same thing and you wouldn't answer me either would you?"

I grimaced but didn't say anything. Of course I wouldn't tell her what I was.

The only way she might ever know what I was if she was inches from death at my own hands. Still even then I probably would not tell her. If I was to kill her i don't think I would take the time to explain.

"That's what I thought" she said bitterly then turned on her heel and left the now half empty classroom.

So she suspected something of me? What if she found out? Well maybe Rosalie wouldn't object to killing her.

I waited for my family inside my car lost in my thoughts.

"so" said Emmett's booming voice from beside me I looked at him sitting on the passengers seat "find out anything spooky about the girl?"

"I've never seen a human sit still for so long" I began

"Huh?" he asked looking at me.

"She just sat there in her car the rest of lunch period never moving."

"That is odd for a human" came jaspers voice from the backseat

"When did you get in here?" I said calmly

"You're killing me Edward" said Emmett chuckling as Rosalie and alice got inside the car.

"Had fun at lunch?" asked Rosalie her tone indicating that I was a fool and her thought saying the same thing

"I kept my mind busy" I shrugged indifferently. I headed towards our home and everyone was engage into their conversations. Rosalie and Alice busied themselves with talks of going on a shopping trip to Seattle. While jasper and Emmett busied themselves talking about some videogames.

Esme greeted us as usual when we got home

"Anything new today?" she asked and everyone said no and I shrugged.

I headed up to my room to do my homework. I finished it all in a matter of minutes and then I was left with nothing to do. For the first time in who knows how many years I decided to listen to some music. I listened to music until Carlisle got home at about ten.

* * *

_Edward would you go hunting with me…it looks like you need it_ Alice informed me. it was true my eyes were darkening in color.

And so we headed into the woods to find something to hunt.

_So _she began as we ran through the forest _anything new you found out about her_?

"I wish you would just stay out of her life Alice." I said warily

_Oh so I'm the one that needs to lay off yet you are the one that is stalking her?_

Okay that was true.

"Never mind Alice" I said stopping to smell the air

It was about two hours later or that we were still hunting when Alice snapped her head up from the deer she had been drinking off of. She tensed and her eyes glazed over. I looked into her mind as she saw her vision

I saw alex and her brother sitting in their living room she was in her night clothes and looking severely shaken and terrified. I'd never seen her like this

"Guess that means your having an early start on your winter break" said her brother as he got up.

The vision ended and Alice looked at me with a questioning look in her eyes. Right there I surrendered and told her everything.

* * *

She was very interested and she wanted to find out why it was that she couldn't see Alex's future at times.

"I will leave it up to you to find out Edward and I expect you to tell me everything that is important" she told me as we ran back to the house

"Alice what are you my mother?" she shot me a dirty look

"Can you see anything In her future right now?" I asked she tried to but there was nothing to see her future was gone.

"I hate it when things like these happens I rely to much on my ability"

She wasn't there the next day or the rest of the week. On Wednesday Alice and I went to her house but no one was there. Her brother was working we assumed and she was gone who knows where. We didn't go inside to see if we found anything because that was just wrong.

We went into winter break and my mood didn't get any better. I noticed that when o thought of the mysteries around Alex I was able to almost forget my pain. At least something good came out of all of this. That girl might actually work to my advantage. This discovery made me yearn for the start of school.

Alice and I spent considerable amounts of time going over everything about that girl but we never made much progress. As soon as school started I ws determined to find an answer to my questions and keep from rising any questions about me into her. Alice warned that if I even tried to kill that girl I would have her and jasper to answer to not only that but I knew that Carlisle and Esme would be disappointed in me if I did kill her. Slowly I began finding my shame.

Now it was the first day back at school. We lefty early to the school and waited in the car until more students came. Then I saw her Volvo coming into the parking lot…

* * *

**okay so for someone who is half asleep i thought i did okay **

**so reviews people **

**in fanfiction world reviews are like money so make me rich **

**the offer i made in the last chapter is still available **

**so tell me what you think what you liked what you didnt like some constructive criticsm anything**

**if you dont then you are a whopper jerk**

**lol**

**-airali**

**P.S: again i forgot disclaimer **

**i dont own twilight or harry potter and i dont see the point of saying this it is quite obvious that i dont own any of it people **

**P.S #2: if you dont understand what happened when edward saw alex's memories then let me explain **

**in the first chapter i believe i said that when she was bitten she got that werird abilitie to go back to her memories and see them all over again **

**that is what happened except she didnt realize what it was that she was doing so she let edward see those memories without even realizing she was thinking about them at all **

**you could say she let her guard down and showed edward her memories **

**hope it makes sense **


	8. people are strange

Melody's pov 

I got up from the couch and ran up the stairs to change out of my pajamas. When I was changed and I had brushed my teeth I ran down the stairs.

Frankie was just getting the fire ready. The emerald flames were bright and alive.

"You know what to do right?" asked Frankie as he helped me into the fire

"Yeah"

"I'll go ever during break to see how things are going so I'll be seeing you there" he said

"All right"

He gave me an encouraging smile and stepped away from the fire

"Grimmauld place!" I shouted and instantly the flames devoured me.

After some time of spinning around I started to slow down until I was able to see the kitchen of grimmauld place. I came to a complete stop and stumbled out side. Sirius got up from the table were he had been sitting and engulfed me in a hug before I made sure my head wasn't dizzy anymore.

"How's it going squirt" he told jovially. He let go of me and I waited a moment to get my mind straight from all the spinning.

"Not so good right now…are you alone?" I asked looking around

"Well I'm the only human…kreacher and buckbeak are here too"

"Right"

As if he had been called kreacher walked into the room he bowed to Sirius and muttered something about the depressed brat being back towards my direction.

"Hello kreacher" I said bitterly and he began to mutter more things

Sirius was about to say something to him and I cut him off

"Leave him I guess you could call it amusing" I said

There was a loud crack beside me that caused me to jump back and trip over a chair then fall. I fell just as other five people fell to the floor a large old kettle fell to the ground making much noise.

"Back again" said kreacher in his nasty voice "the blood traitor brats, is it true their fathers dying?"

"OUT!" roared Sirius

I quickly got up as all of them did the same. It was harry, Ron, Fred, George, and Ginny. I hurried to harry and hugged him knocking the air out of him in the progress.

"Did you see it?" I whispered frantically and he nodded.

"What's going on?" interrupted Sirius.

Both harry and I explained what had happened though we didn't say that we had watched it all happen from the snake's point of view. Then Fred, George and Ginny began that they wanted to go to st. mungos to see their dad. Sirius then argued that they couldn't go right now. They were furious.

In the end we all waited to hear for some news quietly. I couldn't bring myself to sit down and I couldn't walk back and forth because that would make the others more nervous. The tension in the room was unbearable.

What if it was too late? What of he dies? Why am I such a pessimist? What if I was the one that had attacked him? What if he died because of me?

Finally after what seemed ages, Mrs. Weasley arrived she had just comed back from st. mungos she said Mr. Weasley would be alright hearing those words just caused me to slump down the wall. Harry hurried over to me to help me up.

"Breakfast!" said Sirius happily. "where's that accursed house elf? Kreacher! KREACHER!"

Kreacher did not come

"Oh forget it then. So it's breakfast for –let's see- eight…bacon and eggs, I think, and some tea, and toast-"

Harry and I hurried over to help him I was nest to harry watching him take down some plates when Mrs. Weasley took them away from hi hands and brought us both into a hug.

"I don't know what would have happened if it hadn't been for you two" she said in a muffled voice "they might not have found Arthur for hours, and then it would have been too late, but thanks to the both of you he is alive and Dumbledore has been able to think up a good cover story for Arthur being where her was, you have no idea what trouble he would have been in otherwise, look at poor Sturgis…"

Then we talked to Sirius privately about the whole snake situation but Sirius said that if something had been wrong Dumbledore would have told us. It wasn't comforting at all

* * *

Harry and I were the only ones that did not fall asleep. Everyone else slept for the most of the morning. There was no way I was going to sleep what if I attacked someone else while I slept? But then again how is that both harry and I had been the snake? Did the both of us attack Mr. Weasley?

Whoever had done it I wouldn't take risks. I wasn't even tired anyways. I sat on my bed my arms wrapped around my legs my mind re living my old memories.

Everything around me blurred and suddenly I was in a forest. I saw a big group of people and I looked to my right and there I was. I was talking to Hermione

We were in a forest on our way to the quidditch world cup.

"_Everyone" said Mr. Weasley "this is Amos diggory" we all said hi to him then someone fell from a tree right in between Hermione and I. I jumped back and fell with a small thump. _

_I heard roars of laughter coming from Fred George and Ron_

"_Sorry didn't mean to startle you" said a kind voice I looked up and my eyes met with a pair of kind gray eyes_

"_Well you did" I said chuckling he helped me up and then introduced himself. Everyone said hi back except for Fred and George. They were still bitter that they had won the quidditch game last year. Even though we all knew that it really wasn't cedric's fault that I fell of my broom. _

_We continued walking_

"_Fred and George are still mad at me huh?" he said matching my pace _

"_Don't mind them they're sore losers" right then a stick hit me at the back of my head and Fred and George were suddenly deep in conversation _

"_Nasty nooga's" I muttered and cedric laughed _

"_I don't see what's so funny" I said indignantly looking up he was very good looking with tousled light brown hair. With faint spots of red in his cheeks. And high cheekbones and a strong jaw. _

"_Sorry but what did you say?" _

"_Nasty nooga" _

"_What does that mean?" _

"_Do I look like someone that would know? It's the first word that came to my mind"_

"_Do you do that often?" _

"_Yeah you get used to it"_

_We talked the rest of the way…_

Everything around me blurred and I was back in grimmauld place

"_What are you?" _

The words came back into my mind I could almost hear Edwards voice again.

So did that mean he suspected I wasn't a muggle? So much for pretending I was.

This was bad. I couldn't give him any reason to suspect him and yet I did. No one else suspected anything but him, and he was the person _I _suspected was something that was far from human. Maybe that is why he noticed many different things about me. My question was, what the hell was he? Should I try to find out?

Being the awfully curious person that I was it was so tempting to figure out this mystery. But I also had to think of the fact that I couldn't let him find out what _I _was so the best idea was to probably stay away… but dammit nothing has ever grabbed my attention so much in so long as the Cullen's have. And that curiosity began only now that I had been thinking about them. I've never really thought about them at all….

That same day we went to st. mungos to visit Mr. Weasley. He would be alright and that was such a good thing to hear and see.

There was something that scared harry and I a lot. We were eavesdropping along with the twins Ron and Ginny on the conversation of mad-eye, tonks, lupin, and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. Could voldemort really be possessing harry and I?

* * *

I was in the room harry was staying at with Ron. It was only him and me in that room. He was pacing and I sat on his bed.

"What if he is using us to get information on the order?" I said

"I'm thinking the same" he seemed frustrated.

"We leave" I said as calmly as I could manage

"Where?" he said but neither of us answered we knew exactly where we would go to keep everyone safe. The thought of going back to privet drive to the dursleys was sickening. But if that's what it took to make everyone safe then I wouldn't argue. They wont be too happy when we turn up at the house way before we are supposed to come back…

I helped harry pick up all his stuff and then I would go to get mines.

"Running away are you?" came phineas nigellus voice from his portrait

"not running away, no" said harry as I helped him drag his trunk

"I thought" said phineas nigellus "that to belong in Gryffindor house you were supposed to be _brave_? It looks to me as if you both would have been better off in my own house. We slytherins are brave, yes, but not stupid. For instance given the choice, we will always choose to save our own necks"

"sounds to me like you are just-" I was cut off by harry

"its not our own neck we are saving"

"oh I see, this is not a cowardly flight- you are being_ noble_"

His tone is getting on my last nerves.

We ignored him

"I have a message for you from albus Dumbledore" he called lazily.

We instantly turned around

"what is it?" asked harry

"stay where you are"

"we haven't moved!" I said angrily "what is the damned message!"

"I have just given it to you, dolt" he said " Dumbledore says '_stay were you are'" _

"why?" said harry eagerly "why does he want us to stay? What did he say?"

"nothing whatsoever"

What the heck!

"so that's it, is it?" I growled "_stay there? _That's all anyone could tell us after we got attacked by all those dementors too!"

"just to stay put while the grown ups sort it out harry and Alex!" harry interrupted "we wont bother telling you anything, though, because your tiny little brains might not be able to cope with it!"

"you know,"said phineas nigellus louder "this is precisely why I _loathed _being a teacher! Young people are so infernally convinced that they are has it not occurred to you…"

I stopped listening put my hands over my ears and sat on the floor with my knees to my chest….

I lost track of time and suddenly I was walking down that empty corridor again getting closer to the black door reached it. But I could not open it…there was something that I wanted so badly and it was in there. But my scar was prickling a lot making me start losing my temper…

Ron woke us up to tell us dinner was ready if we wanted to go down and eat.

The next day everyone was putting up Christmas decorations and never had I seen Sirius so happy. You could hear him walking down the corridors singing Christmas carols.

I wouldn't leave harrys side he was the only company I wanted at the moment.

That same day Hermione came and she proved to us that we weren't being possessed and that brought relief to us.

Everyone was content for the break. I tried my hardest to try and join the group. Everyone seemed happy that I was trying. Still most of the time they would find me in my room looking out the window. I spent a great deal of time back in those memories. I had an excuse for going back to those memories. As long as I lived in the past I was somehow happy but if I came back to the present everything was unbearable. It was like a drug.

on Christmas I woke up with a stack of presents at the foot of my bed. I looked though them as Hermione and Ginny looked through their own. Their was one more parsel left and I grabbed it to open it. I read the card.

I know how much you fought over this picture and it is time it was returned to you. He would have wanted you to have it back I hope you like his present this year it formed a great part of his life. Take care of yourself sweety

-Ava diggory

There was a knot in my throat and my hands trembled as I opened the parcel. I opened the box and I saw a picture.

It was us at the Yule ball. There he was in his black dress robes he was holding me to him I was wearing silver robes and was smiling up at him then we turned to the camera and waved happily.

I remember how much we fought over who would get to keep that picture. In the end he won. There was something else in the box it was his wand. I had made sure to bring back his wand along with his body from the graveyard. A strangled sob escaped my mouth. Ginny and Hermione walked towards me. I gave them the not to read and then showed them what they had given me. Hermione and Ginny hugged me and cried for me. I couldn't cry I was too perplexed and crying didn't seem enough.

"We miss him too" whispered Hermione "we had gotten do used to him…"

I nodded as more dry sobs escaped me.

Even though the house was full with people I had never felt so alone in my life. I replayed that Christmas with him over and over. Memorizing his face in that day. And how he attacked me with snowballs. The day of the Yule ball it was such a memorable night.

* * *

The time for us to leave came nearer and each day Sirius seemed in a worst mood. On the day before our return I found out that we would be sent to a different type of hell than the one I was in at the moment.

Dumbledore wanted harry and I to take occlumency lessons. To block our minds to voldemort. Yeah that was all good. What wasn't good was that our accursed teacher would be snape. So I would have to go to Hogwarts once a week now and the first lesson was Monday. I would have to use the floo network directly to snape's office so no one would see me.

Mr. Weasley was back from the hospital that very same day for which everyone was happy

I left the next day back to forks were Frankie happily awaited me.

"How's it going munchkin" he said pulling me in for a hug.

"It's good" I replied he had been continually going to grimmauld place during the break and he spent Christmas there

"Ready for school tomorrow?"

"Just hope I didn't fall behind too much"

* * *

I was up early as usual the next day though I stayed in my bed a long time just staring at the picture of cedric and I. it was now in a frame in my bedside table. His wand was there too right next to mines. I stared at it for so long that when I looked at my alarm clock it was already late for me. I quickly got up and began the hair and eye color changing process then threw on the first thing I found. I ran downstairs and into the kitchen not bothering to get breakfast that I wouldn't eat.

"Slept in?" said Frankie reminding me that he was there.

"Not exactly" I said looking for my keys.

"What are you looking for" he said as I opened the fridge door to look for them.

"My keys" I said moving on to the oven

"Why would you look for them in the kitchen?"

"It is where I find them the most"

Frankie took out his wand and pointed it at the living room.

"_Accio keys" _the keys came zooming into the kitchen and he caught them.

"Remember that next time" he said tossing them to me

"Okay, bye Frankie!" I said running out the door

For once I didn't mind my fear for going too fast. And in turn I arrived with time to spare. I found a parking space and got out.

I walked to my first class were Erika cornered me.

"Where were you the last week of school" she demanded good thing I didn't talk to her much or It would have been much worse

"Family issues" I responded automatically then she questioned me about how my break was and how was Christmas.

All day long I was bombarded with questions about where I was what I did etc. for someone who barely talks to anyone I sure was well known.

I walked into biology pretty early. I took my usual seat and did my normal routine except now I didn't want time to pass I was dreading having to go to Hogwarts to meet snape.

"Hi" said a voice next to me that made me jump I turned to look at the owner of that voice. Why was Edward talking to me? This was not routine. I wasn't mad at him or anything it's just that we both subconsciously avoided each other.

"Uhm hi" I said then went back to my notebook.

"Why weren't you here the last week?"

I groaned

"How many times will I have to repeat myself?"

"I can't answer that"

"I had….family issues"

"Aunts and uncles?" He asked.

"Yeah I guess"

"Everything all right?"

"Yeah everything turned out just fine"

"Then I trust you had a nice Christmas?"

If lonely is you definition of a good Christmas then yes

"Yeah it was fine and yours?"

He shrugged "it was alright"

"That's good"

He sighed frustrated

"will I ever know?"

What is he ranting about now?

"Know what?"

"What you are"

"I'm a female human"

He laughed

"I mean it"

"What makes you think that I'm something other than a human?" i challenged

"I could ask you the same thing and would you answer me?"

"You're different"

"So are you"

"This is the longest conversation I have ever had with you"

"Want to keep it going?"

"I call for a change of topic"

He stared at me

"What?"

"I like this game"

"The keep- the –conversation-going- game?"

"Yes"

"To bad it has to come to an end" I pointed to the teacher who was settling down the class.

He chuckled then turned his attention to the teacher.

He wasn't so bad it was easy to talk to him he showed no expression on his face and there was something comforting in that. It seemed like he didn't look too deeply into the conversation which I think is good and even if that's not true I like to content myself with thinking of it that way.

Class droned on and I groaned when I heard the bell ring.

"Something bothering you?"

"Yes the thought of going home"

He looked confused. So much for not showing emotion.

"Its complicated"

I walked out of the classroom then.

This guy is strange why is he suddenly so talkative? Well a girl can never really understand a guy especially one she doesn't know at all. People are so strange I walked out the school and into the rain them into my car. I drove to the house cursing snape beforehand.

* * *

**okay so once again what do you think**

**i think that went well but its up to you guys **

**so tell me about it **

**-airali**


	9. decode

Edwards's pov

Everyone cornered her to ask where she had been that last week of school before the break. And every time she seemed to get even more irritated. Nevertheless it never stopped anyone from approaching her and asking.

When I walked into biology she was in her seat already, writing as usual. And that brought another question what is she always writing?

I was determined to find out what she was. I haven't had anything to do for over a hundred years and this mystery kept me from the pain for an amount of time.

If she was just as stubborn as me it would be useless and even if she wasn't as stubborn as me she would put up a fight. She won't give in so easily and that is why I liked it. A challenge that was guaranteed to give me something to do for the following months.

I walked to her trying to be as friendly as I could, while taking a deep ready and preparing myself for the torment of her blood.

"Hi" I said taking a seat. She jumped when she heard me and looked at me with those dead eyes of her

"Uhm hi" she said then turned back to her notebook. Can she be any more emotionless? This girl might as well be dead.

"Why weren't you here the last week of school?" I said trying to start a conversation.

She groaned

"How many times will I have to repeat myself?"

"I can't answer that" I said trying to sound sympathetic

"I had… family issues" she responded

"Aunts and uncles?" surely she didn't mean her parents I thought they were dead?

"Yeah I guess" guess?

"Everything alright?" I said trying to sound interested. My throat was on fire and it was hard to keep my mind away from the thirst.

"Yeah everything turned out just fine" she muttered

"Then I trust you had a nice Christmas"

She slipped for a brief second; I saw a look of pain cross her features. Then that carefully composed expressionless mask of hers was back on.

"Yeah it was fine and yours?" she said in a small voice. I decided to ignore that lie.

"It was alight" I answered truthfully. It wasn't really eventful and boring for the most part.

"That's good" she mi9ght be hiding her emotions behind the mask but she couldn't hide the tones that colored her answers. Her tone told me that she wanted this conversation to end. But I would not give up so easily. No matter how much of a hell was going on in my throat at the moment. I was strong I could do this or else I now I would have started it in the first place.

What is going through her head?

I sighed frustrated

"Will I ever know?" I said, speaking my mind to her and wishing she would do the same.

"Know what?" there were ancient traces of a smile playing around her lips. But there is a difference between trying not to laugh and not being able to laugh.

Alex was not able to laugh.

"What you are?" I explained

"I'm a female human"

I laughed uncomfortably fighting to keep those urges hidden inside of me. There was truth in her words and I hadn't been specific enough. I will admit she is good at distractions. But I am better on not falling for them.

"I mean it"

"What makes you think I'm something other a human?" her voice now dripping with monotony.

"I could ask you the same thing and would you answer me?" I said. She instantly seemed to remember our last encounter because she pursed her lips. Just a small change in her features.

"You're different "she answered unfortunately it wasn't a good enough answer.

"So are you" I pointed out.

"This is the longest conversation I have ever had with you" another attempt at sidetracking me. I gave in to it this time for her sake.

"Want to keep going?" I silently hoped she didn't I had to stop smelling her.

"I call for a change in topic" she is random unlike so many. This really is the longest conversation I've ever heard her have with anyone.

"What?" I blinked. How long did I stare?

"I like this game" I said as calmly as I could she didn't notice anything odd so I must be ding a good job. It gave me a better image of the type of girl she was except she was a foreign type of girl to me. I had never met anyone like her. She was too different from every one else.

"The keep-the-conversation-going-game?"

How creative

"Yes"

"Too bad has to come to an end"

There was a light hint of regret in that sentence. She pointed to the teacher that was about to start class.

I chuckled and turned my attention to the teacher. Thankful for the end of the conversation and just holding my breath.

For so long I had thought of this girl as an animal, like worthless filth. Never have I hated anyone so much in all my existence as I had hated her. Now the hate evaporated in the blink of an eye, as soon as I talked to her. Without even noticing it, I saw her as a human. I resented her in a way, for the similarities between her and Bella. But if I thought about it was only their mind that they had in common because even in smell they didn't compare. Alex's smell was by far the best thing I had ever smelled but I just couldn't say what she smelled like it was foreign to me like her, it wasn't floral or anything else. No smell could compare I don't think there was anything close to similar to this smell. To end it Bella and Alex were two completely different people.

With every word she had spoken a new question came to my mind. I had never been so full of questions. What is it that was hurting her so much? Most importantly what was she? Every time I began to make questions they always ended with the same one. What was she? It almost made me mad not knowing. And the fact that she would not give in give in so easily frustrated me further. But I wouldn't give in either.

The bell rung and I heard a quiet groan beside me.

"Something bothering you?" I asked slowly gathering my books.

"yes the thought of going home" she replied putting her books in her bag

Why would she not want to go home?

"Its complicated" she said automatically and then walked away and out the door. I remained there lost in my own thoughts.

"Mr. Cullen?" Said Mr. Williams "is there a problem?"

"No" I answered politely then grabbed my bag and walked out of the classroom at a normal human pace.

How mysterious this girl is. So many questions I had. I walked out into the parking lot and toward my car. My siblings were already in the car when I got in.

"We were thinking on ditching you Edward but you have the keys" said Emmett fro the backseat. I didn't answer I was looking through my rearview mirror were I could see Alex in her car. She had her forehead resting on the steering wheel and I could hear her inhaling and exhaling loudly. Was she okay?

Then as if she was trying to prove to me that she was okay she raised her head. She took deep breaths.

"Its okay melody…just be strong and don't let him tell you shit. Land yourself in detention if you have to but don't take any of the shit he tells you. Still try not to land yourself in detention if you can help it" she took more deep breaths and exhaled "that hell cannot be worse than the hell you are living that is for sure" and with that she started her car. I watched as she pulled out of her space and out the parking lot.

What could possibly be making her so anxious?

I watched the road where she had disappeared and I couldn't help it as a smile tugged at the corners of my mouth.

"You know we can stay here as long as you want" said Emmett his voice full of sarcasm. I turned on the car and got out of the parking lot. All the way home everyone's minds were filled with hope… hope that change was just on the horizon and that I was getting closer to the horizon. What a little gesture like that can do to many people.

I didn't know if change was coming but I didn't think much of it either. …

* * *

later on that day, I sat on my desk chair finishing up an essay for English class when I heard Alice's thoughts

"Come in Alice" I said before she was actually at the door. Suddenly in just two seconds she was by my side.

_How's it going _she asked without bothering to talk

"Same as usual" I said not looking away from the screen my fingers barely hitting the keys but typing impossibly fast, for a human anyway.

"And in school" she said tentatively

"it was…different" I said stopping now to see what she wanted. Whatever it was she wasn't thinking about it. Hiding it from me.

_Found anything about her? _What is she getting at?

"Quite the contrary I just got more questions"

She chuckled

_You'll find out in due time_

"I hope so… it gives me something to do" I paused "if you want me to go to the mall with you because Rosalie wont go, save your breath and thoughts because the answer id no"

She stuck out her tongue at me

_I can't see her future _

I instantly knew whom she was talking about and she now had my full attention I looked at her eyes frustrated. She hasn't been in this situation in a long time and she's always hated not being able to see things.

So that's what she came to talk to about.

"nothing?" I asked

She shook her head _her future it was just…gone out of nowhere I thought it might interest you. _

What is it that she does that makes her future disappear?

_Were going to her house_ Alice stated I didn't react to that I knew I was going to her house I had already decided it naturally Alice would have seen it once I decided and I knew she wanted to come and find out why she couldn't see Alex's future…naturally she would tag along….

* * *

we were there in a matter of minutes.I parked the car just around the corner so that the car wouldn't be seen by Alex if she happened to be there. The forest was right next to her house. Alice and I quickly hid at the edge of the forest were we could see two men through the French doors of the kitchen; they were sitting in the kitchen table drinking from mugs.

"What do you think he is doing with them now?" Asked one of them. I assume he was Alex's brother. They didn't look anything alike but he seemed to be the younger of the two men. I don't think Alex's brother was too old. He had dark brown hair that went just below his ear.

"I don't know but he better not be giving them a hard time" threatened the other man. He had long black hair and eyes and a gaunt face. He was thin. They were both wearing black robes.

Robes?

"I don't like the sound of snape teaching them occlumency" said the younger one "we both know they have a short temper when it comes to snape. Specially Alex who doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut"

I was instantly alert at the mention of her name

"I don't think she can help it" said the other one I instantly noticed his british accent.

"Exactly gives him a perfect reason to land her in detention and harry as well he has trouble to keeping his mouth shut too"

"like his father" said the black haired man proudly.

Who is harry? What are they talking about?

"Harry has lily's nature though, as much as he may look like his James" said the youngest one

_Alex has her father's nature on the other hand _the black haired man thought.

"Frank?" said the black haired man.

"Yeah" said frank as he took a gulp from his mug

"How has alex been doing… I know she just came back yesterday but how did she seem to you"

Frank sighed "not much progress at all…she hasn't cried much but she hasn't talked much to me either" he looked at the ceiling "guess we'll just have to wait and see…"

"yeah I didn't see her much during the break she kept to herself much like the summer but when I did I saw how hard she tried to seem alright. It wasn't doing her any good she seemed worse it hurt to watch her like that but no one know s what to do or how to help"

Listening to this man talk about her made me realize how truly bad her situation was.

"Sirius, she's empty. It scares me the she won't get any better, because I don't know what she will be capable of if she suddenly can't cope with the pain."

Franks words scared me but I wasn't sure why

"Alex is strong" said the man I take to be Sirius. But in his mind he feared the same thing.

"Even the strongest person has a weakness this is hers. If no one helps her she is going to break and she won't be able to take that pain, Sirius-"

"But how do we help her, no one knows how to help her-"

"Because none of us are the right person to help"

But what could possibly be hurting her? Her parents death? That boy from her memory?

That boy….

They were lost in their thoughts but none of their thoughts answered any of my questions.

"time might be the right help" said Sirius

"harry hasn't looked so well either" said frank

"hes worried about alex mostly and the situation at Hogwarts doesn't help either theres a lot on his plate at the moment" said Sirius

So this harry was close to alex?

They both drank from their mugs

Sirius glanced at the clock "I have to go mad eye will arrive at grimmauld place soon to bring some news to me" they both got up from their chairs

"All right but come back soon Alex will be delighted to see you she should be coming"

"Shame I can't stay longer but I want to hear how the lessons are going so I will come soon"

_Tanya_ I heard Alice think. I turned to see her eyes glazed over. She was having a vision. Tanya and her family were coming over at the house in less than _five minutes. _

_Maybe we should be there to greet her Edward_ Alice thought I agreed but I didn't want to leave now. Not after hearing that Alex would be back soon. And Alice still couldn't see her future.

_You can come back some other time you've heard enough to keep your head going till the next time _she ran to the car and ,I took one more look at the house they weren't there anymore they had moved onm to the living room. I sighed the Denali's chose the perfect time to come. I shouldn't be thinking like that they are family.

I ran to my car as well Alice was already there. It was silent in the car for the whole ride I was lost in my thoughts and new questions while alice was getting more frustrated by the minute at not being able to Alex's future. You'd think that after so many years she would have learned to just live with that flaw. Then again she didn't encounter that problem too often….

* * *

The Denali's had arrived just minutes before we arrived.

Everyone was gathered in the living room. Some seated in the couches others equally as comfortable standing up.

"Tanya!" chirped Alice running over to greet her. We hadn't seen each other since so long and the last time our family's saw each other I wasn't at my best. Bella had just died. Despite the time everyone looked exactly the same as the last time new saw each other. All of us unchanging it was the life we were forced to live.

I greeted everyone as welcoming as I could manage but the effort was clear in my actions. Pain was slowly overtaking me thinking of that last time and how I had felt.

"how have you been edward" said Tanya putting a delicate hand on my shoulder once I had pulled away from her hug.

"I would be lying if I said I have been well Tanya" I replied becoming uncomfortable at her touch. Trying to block out her thoughts however was resulting interesting. I didn't judge her I knew she meant well and she wasn't used to rejection but it did give me some irritation that she still wouldn't let it go…

They all talked about what they had been up to then I realized I had nothing to tell I hadn't done anything since her death. My past seemed as if had been a very long day, and today was a new day. Completely different from the last. My past had been the same day after day. I knew what had made it change its course and I was somehow thankful for that.

I thought about what I had heard today at Alex's house. Where had she been? who was that other man?

What if frank was right and she did something stupid. Could her pain really be so much to motivate her to do something bad? I was worried and I desperately wanted to know more about her to know what was causing so much pain. But why was I so interested in the life of this girl I couldn't know.

* * *

They were planning to stay for a week and they all welcomed them. Alex had come about half an hour after Alice and I had left her house. Alice had a vision of her enraged while her brother listened to her ranting calmly. I had never seen that girl show any emotion for so long. It was always a bank expression at school. As mad as she may have been it made her look like she wasn't that empty at all.

I went to school the next day alone. The rest had wanted to stay with Tanya and her family. I went because I wanted to see if I could decipher something about this girl but I had no such luck.

I continued talking to Alex during biology during the next days and I couldn't help but realize how my existence had changed. As much pain as I was in, it was all forgotten when I was thinking about the many mysteries of Alex. Her mysteries were something safe to think about, something that wouldn't pain me any further and that could make me forget my problems and pains at the moment. They were my sanctuary. And I would never be able to thank her enough for that.

She on the other hand remained the same. She would talk back to me but her responses were always short and to the point. It would frustrate me from time to time. It want fair that each day I had to sit next to her and be assaulted by her intoxicating and maddening smell, plus not being able to read her mind and her short and monotonous answers. Yet somehow she never managed to bore me, she only sprouted more questions in my mind that would keep me thinking in my head for ages. I didn't know what gave her so much pain and I wanted to help her but I needed to know what it was that was causing her all of this pain. But I had absentmindedly promised myself that I would figure this out.

* * *

**hmmm i do believe my vocabulary is getting broader if i may say so myself. the dictionary really isnt that bad you find the funniest words in there**

**please review **

**fyi all of the chapter titles are titles of songs that inspired me while writing the chapters so you should check out those songs if ever you have the chance **

**thank you to those reading give me motivation to keep writing please **

**-airali**


	10. like a stone

* * *

Alex's pov

"I hope he goes to the deepest pits of hell!" I screamed as I paced back and forth in front of the chimney.

I had just come back from my first occlumency lesson. It was the most –well no not the most- but it went badly. Especially when snape is the damned teacher! I think he got a kick out if it though.

"You don't really mean that" said Frankie calmly. He sat on the couch and watched me pace back and forth. It made me want to hurl something at the wall –the wall not Frankie.

"How would you know?" I bellowed but he remained perfectly calm.

"What did he do?"

"hah" I said in a high pitched town "well he only told us to rid ourselves from emotion and thought, while he attempted to penetrate our minds, that's all the instruction he gave and then he did this thing with his wand were he was able to see all of our memories as we saw them being replayed in our heads"

He grimaced probably imagining what I must have seen in those memories.

"What ticks me off the most is that he didn't tell us how to do it or anything"

"Alex I think that is because it's basically all mental, I don't think he can give much instruction on that"

Okay I see what he means.

"okay well maybe so, still its not…nice… having to see all those memories all over again then I don't know how many times I fell to the ground due to the memories" exactly how and what caused me to fall I do not know but I knew that suddenly I was on my knees.

My knees hurt right now, I had a massive headache and to top it all of with my horrendous lessons I now had to attend to a detention with snape for my next evaluation. Two detentions to go to how lovely anyone wanna go for three?

"To top it all off I ended up with a damned detention"

"What did you do" his tone indicated that he was not surprised. I'm that predictable huh?

"Well excuse me if I can't stand to be insulted" I said sarcastically "but as always his lovely comments threw me off the edge and I couldn't help but talk back. Now harry and I both have detention"

"Just as Sirius and I thought" he said

"Sirius was here?"

"Yes he left not long ago, and we talked about how you would probably come announcing that you and harry got a detention"

"Oh that's nice" I said not meaning it, he knew that.

There was silence

"Thanks for hearing me out" I said feeling a little bad about my rant. It wasn't nice to scram at him.

"I would have heard you all the way up my room anyway" he joked but we both knew it was true

I glanced at the clock, it read 7:30, I sighed

"We having classes today?" I asked

"Of course were having classes, you're not getting off so easily"

I looked at the fireplace, no longer pacing

"I'll go easy on you" he said "do you think a pill or something might make the pain go away?"

"It's worth a try" I said.

It was 10:30 when we finished working. A record time for me, I really was an easy learner…

* * *

I followed cedric through the woods. Every now and then he turned and beckoned me with his hand to hurry up, and I did. But no matter how much I hurried up to catch up with him I could never reach him. He disappeared through some bushes and I quickly followed him only to find myself in an empty meadow.

It was perfectly round the trees bordering it, nothing else could be seen beyond the trees nothing but darkness. Yet it seemed as if someone watched from beyond those trees. The day was grey but some bits of sun rays escaped the clouds. Casting a grayish light on the meadow. It was all green and gray. The grass was long and gently swayed to the rhythm of the wind. The meadow should have been comforting but it couldn't be because I was desperately searching for the one that led me here.

"Cedric?" I called out. My voice echoed throughout the meadow. The meadow however was empty.

I was alone

But how is it that there was a response then?

"Change" said a voice that I knew only to well. Cedric's voice rung throughout the entire meadow.

"Cedric?" I called louder. Still there was no one there. And even then I couldn't shake of the feeling that someone was watching.

"Its coming" his voice echoed throughout the meadow again then it slowly began to fade

No don't go…

I woke with a start, gasping in my haste I fell from the bed bringing the sheets down on me.

If the bed is so damn big then how is it that I sleep at the very edge of it?

Cursing I got up and sat on the edge of the bed. I looked around the room half expecting someone to be there, I didn't know why though, it was empty though. The silence cutting through me like a knife, as if it knew I was all alone now. I couldn't bear it, so much silence began to scare me, I took out my iPod from its dock and put on the headphones I laid down on the bed pulling up the covers all the way up to my chin. The blaring noise of the music lulling me to sleep.

What did that mean "change is coming?"…

* * *

January passed by painfully slow; I didn't know what I was waiting for though. Highlights of the month had been that there had been a massive break out from Azkaban. It was in the _daily prophet _and naturally it was suspected that Sirius was behind it all. No good idiots it's not that hard accept that voldemort is back. Seriously what is wrong with these people? Bloody mental freak's that's what they are. In other news Hagrid is now on probation. I swear to god that I don't have nails anymore. I've chewed them all off in my nervousness. We are all nervous. That is to say harry Ron Hermione and I, I guess Ginny too. Our lessons with snape really hadn't progressed. We still couldn't close our minds. And my scar seemed to hurt a lot more since my lessons with snape. Harry said it was the same with him.

In school someone wouldn't give up on making me talk. Edward and I had continued talking to each other. Well he did most of the talk, my answers tended to be boring short and to the point. It was a miracle that he still talked to me. It was a nice distraction sometimes though.

* * *

It was now the first day of February now to be exact.

I parked in front of Edward's car. It was the first empty parking I saw. It wasn't until I stepped out of my Volvo that I realized that he was leaning against his silver Audi. His siblings were talking amongst themselves in his car.

I was beginning to leave when a voice made me turn around.

"No good morning, Alex?" said Edward I turned around to face him he smiled at me. Before we started talking I don't recall him ever smiling. Who knows what was wrong with him. I have to admit he had an alluring smile. Still there were moments in which I could detect traces of sadness and pain, and I knew that no matter how much he pretended he was not okay.

"Good morning Alex?" I said uncertainly. He chuckled, just as his siblings stepped out of the car.

"Hi Alex" said the small one

"Alice right?" I asked she smiled and nodded, "hi Alice" I said

"This is jasper" she said taking the arm of the tall blonde guy.

"Hey jasper" I said, he smiled and nodded in acknowledgement

"I'm Emmett" said the other one, the big one.

"Howdy Emmett" I said

"This is Rosalie" he said putting an arm around the blonde girls shoulder.

"hello Rosalie" I said she smiled at me and greeted me in return.

They were all truly mesmerizing. The most beautiful people I ha ever seen, Edward included. They were dazzling you could say, and it wouldn't be considered an exaggeration.

"Well I'm off to class… see you all around" I turned and headed to the school just as it began to rain.

When lunch came I walked into the cafeteria and went to my usual place. No one tried to talk to me anymore. None except Edward in biology. I was a couple of feet away from my usual table when I saw that somebody was already there. Edward was sitting there a tray of food in front of him. He looked at it, lost in thought. I walked towards the table and stood right across from him. He slowly looked up sensing my presence.

"Did you get table confused?" I asked he shook his head.

"No I didn't see your name on it" he told me politely. I sat down and took out a notebook and pencil. His eyes never left me it was a bit irritating. I scribbled my name on top of the table.

"happy?" I said

"would you really make me go away?" he asked innocently, he was good.

"no but I will go away if you keep looking at me for so long" I said. I don't think I really meant it though.

"I'm sorry for using my eyes then" he sounded like he meant it, though he was being sarcastic.

I looked down and began writing in my notebook

"What are you always writing down in there anyway" he said a hint of frustration in his voice.

Without looking up I tore off a page from my notebook and handed it to him. He read what I had written fairly quickly. It surprised me considering I had a very ugly and complicated handwriting.

"So you write songs?" He asked, still looking at what I had written. I particularly liked that work.

"Sure if that's what you want to call it" I said looking up at him.

"Do you play an instrument?" he said

"Guitar"

"That's nice"

"You?" I asked

"Piano" well that's something you don't hear everyday.

"Cool"

"I could teach you sometime if you wanted to" he offered

I shrugged and went back to my writing.

"You can keep it if you want" I informed him. It was all in my mind anyway.

"Thanks…aren't you going to eat?" he asked

"Are you?" i asked. He smiled flashing his white teeth at me. He had a really alluring smile. No words to describe him, can't argue with that.

Still…

He shook his head

"Neither am I" I answered his question. I looked down at my notebook again and kept writing while he picked his food with long pale fingers. There was no need for us to talk, we were both deep in our thoughts.

The bell rung and we both stood up at the same time.

"I'll se you in class" he said I nodded and we left the room together but parted different ways once we were in the hall. History was boring as ever, why do we need to know where every single one of the fifty states is located. I don't even know half the damn states, it's mental.

* * *

Edward was about to walk into the biology classroom when I arrived as well.

"Hey" he said

"Hey yourself" we walked into the classroom and took our seats at the very back.

"So how's it going?" he began.

"Why do you talk to me?" I asked abruptly it was a thought that had been going around in my head for sometime now

He gave me a quizzical look.

"Well-"he began "I don't know you always seem so lonely an-"

"I don't need your pity" I said irritated. I looked away from him.

"I'm not doing it out of pity" he said his voice sounding amused. I still didn't look at him.

"You're a good company" he said, seriously who is he trying to kid?

I slowly turned my head towards him

"Elaborate" I said it almost sounded like and order. He smiled hearing my tone.

"Well it's complicated…your good company, easy to talk to and be around"

"Could this have anything to do with the fact that I barely talk at all?"

"I really don't know" he said truthfully

I looked at him and huffed, frustrated by the short answer.

"Any reason for asking?" he asked

"Just wondering why anyone would even try to put up with me" I said grudgingly

"Why wouldn't they?" he challenged

"Everyone's got their reasons"

"Example "

" get of my jock" I huffed and he laughed at my choice of words.

I turned to pay attention to the teacher…

* * *

"Frankie?" I said going into the kitchen

"Yup?"

"Do you mind if I take a flight in the forest?"

"Will you come back?" he joked but I knew that underneath the joke the question was real.

"Yeah…I just feel like going for a ride in the air" my feet were itching to be in the air.

He gave me a doubtful look

Does he really think I would leave? Or go do something stupid?

After a long moment he sighed and looked away from the dinner he was preparing on the stove and he looked at me.

"All right just don't come back too late"

"I won't runaway" I assured him feeling worse than usual, did people really loose so much trust in me?

"I know…where would you go?" he joked. He had a point…

I ran to my room and found my firebolt in my closet. Then I dashed out of the house and towards the forest. As soon as I reached the edge of it I was off into the air.

Sadly I didn't get the feeling I expected to hear.

I expected to forget all my worries, all my emotions but the feeling of adrenaline. I just expected to forget everything going on in my life. But only now was I really beginning to understand just how hard it was to forget pain.

I didn't stop though. I was afraid that the pain would only get worse if I stopped.

I couldn't depend on my memories anymore. If I kept going any longer soon I wouldn't be able to tell reality apart form memories.

And I couldn't get lost in those memories just yet. I still had unfinished business in this place I couldn't mess this up…

After sometime I thought it was safe to stop. I left my broom on the ground and looked around. Though the forest all seemed the same I was pretty sure I could find my way back.

I sunk to the ground leaning my back against a tree trunk. I hugged my knees to my chest and took deep breaths.

Very little time passed when I heard something running. I looked up, the sound was distant. It was probably an animal or something, I was very deep in the woods so it wasn't surprising that I would come a cross any animals.

What was odd was that I had barely heard it running when I heard a light thud as if something fell and at the same time the running stopped.

I stood up and headed to where the sound had come from I walked through a bush that was blocking the way ripping my jeans in the process, yet I barely made any noise.

I never would forget what I saw…

A doe was on the ground unmoving. Hovering over it was a man, though I couldn't see his face i recognized that bronze hair, and his pale hands gripping the doe. They were pale, paler than a corpse.

_Vampire…_

As all of these things processed in my mind he looked up and smelled the air. Slowly sensing danger I pulled out my wand from the pockets on the back of my jeans. He noticed the movement and his eyes wet from that soft gold to a hungry black.

"_Protego" _it was barely more than whisper but it did the job.

At the same time that I muttered the incantation he charged towards me. His movement was too fast for me to follow one moment he was crouching over the doe, the next he crashed into the invisible barrier. The force of the crash throwing him back. A deafening crack interrupting the calm quiet of the forest.

He was up before I could even blink and I was rooted to the spot but I couldn't bring myself to be scared. I wasn't scared…

He growled in my direction, they were loud and animalistic growls.

Is this the real Edward?

He began pacing rather quickly from side to side looking as if he got madder by the minute. Every time he turned around to pace to the other side he would…claw or something similar, at the invisible barrier.

"Edward?" I said slowly and carefully. Would he answer me?

My question was quickly answered.

He stopped and turned his ravenous eyes in my direction. Murder written all over them.

He panted as if he had just runned a long way and then he immediately stopped breathing. He had stopped pacing. His expression went from hungry to pain then it seemed as if he had been hit by realization, lastly it turned horrified.

"Alex" he choked out. He still tried not to breathe, though it was obvious it was turning difficult. He still looked dangerous but he seemed to be a bit more in control of himself seeming more human than a few minutes ago.

Immediately I looked at his hard cold eyes. So many emotions displayed in those eyes how was that possible?

How is it possible that I could recognize all of them?

There was pain, curiosity, denial, horror, fear, confusion…a very slight trace of…joy?

"Go away" he growled. Would he kill me if I the barrier is put down? Would it hurt to die this way? Does it matter if it hurts?

No it doesn't…

Before I could actually do any move to remove the barrier, Edwards's loud roar brought me back to my senses.

Not today Alex

"I'm sorry" I murmured

And I was sorry. Sorry for whatever I had just caused. Sorry for complicating his life just now.

I turned away, but in the moment I saw him turn I saw him drop to the ground and begin shaking. As much as I wanted to turn around and help him I knew that now wasn't the time to look back…

* * *

Vampire…it was someone like him that made me into what I was. Being a half vampire never affected me much though, my life didn't change, I didn't change.

Why couldn't I remember the attack…

I lay on my bedroom floor with my cheek against the floor. It was nice and cool and calming even if my cheek was now numb. I barely paid attention to that

Never I had I paid so much attention to Edward Cullen as I am now. Before, even though he seemed too different to be human, I had seen him as just another ignorant human. Things had changed; I think all I had really needed was some kind of proof that he really was not muggle, or human for that matter. Now I could help but notice that one similarity between us. We were both hiding what we really were. He always was an interesting person never did express the interest though, I am too guarded around people now, I don't trust myself anymore. Now he just seemed even more interesting.

Shit

He knows

What the heck will I do about that? Talk to him?

Yes

"Alex?" Frankie called

Shit

Do I tell him?

No

"Come in" I mumbled loud enough for him to hear, though maybe my words hadn't been understandable.

I heard the door open and I heard his footsteps then his feet came into view right in front of me. I looked at them for a long time

"Yes?" I finally said not looking away from hi shoes.

"What are you doing down there?" he said then he kneeled on the floor I looked up at him.

"Not much…how may I help you?"

"Are you all right? You seemed kinda odd when you came back from the forest". He glanced at my torn jeans "did you fall?" he said trying to keep from laughing

"nah I just decided to do some tree climbing, it was fun… I thought I _was_ odd"

"Well odder than usual" he amended.

"Oh well I'm fine" the tone of our voices made it sound like we were talking about the weather or something.

"Sure" he scoffed not believing me but accepting the answer. He ruffled my hair then got up and left the room. Everything went quiet

"Sure" I repeated I after a while mocking him.

Would Edward be at school tomorrow? I'm telling you his family was absent a lot.

I couldn't sleep that night though I do believe I might have dozed off now and then.

* * *

"did you sleep last night melody?" said Frankie while we had breakfast I had a really bad stomachache and was barely eating, maybe one or two cornflakes in the least.

"yes, no, maybe, etc." I said he just stared at me. "maybe" I added for his benefit. He sighed and I joined him.

"look I tried but…I have a lot on my mind"

He looked at me with no expression whatsoever on his face.

"No joke" I added

"Just get some sleep today" he said getting up

"What do you think school is for?" I muttered and he turned towards me

"Kidding" I said raising my hands as if I was being arrested.

He kissed the top of my head then left I heard him leave after a few moments.

I went outside to the backyard and walked around, my stomachache diasappearing as soon as i left the kitchen. I would have stayed longer but, one, it began to rain, which wouldn't have mattered had it not been for the fact that, two, I had to go to school.

I got into my Volvo and drove to the school the rain coming down harder. Music blasted from the speakers of the car I didn't want there to be silence because that would just get me thinking to much and I would crash. I just kept my mind on the lyrics and the road it was that simple.

Yet I couldn't help but notice just how green this town was. You'd think I would have noticed all of this earlier.

I parked my car next to an old Altima. I decided I would wait till biology to talk to him. And when exactly did I decide this? When I was driving my car. So my method of the loud music did not work for shit.

I half expected him to tell me that he didn't remember such event happening and that in time I would figure out I had just imagined it. But I knew luck wasn't my friend so I tried to not raise my spirits.

The classes were so slow It made me really mad. I forgot time wasn't my friend either.

Lunch came but there wasn't anything unusual about it. It was just like any other day. The Cullen's never did glance my way but when I looked away I could feel the stares.

* * *

I walked to biology in a rush but his chair was empty. I took my seat but got up almost instantly.

My scar began burning suddenly. I clapped my hand to my forehead. It was burning. I couldn't be in the classroom right now it isn't safe I don't know what I could do if I stayed….

I got my bag flung it across my shoulder and ran towards the door I ignored my teachers questions of where I was going. I still held my hand to my forehead. And I dashed to the exit, but I knocked into something solid and cold they took my shoulders to keep me from falling backwards. I looked up and saw Edward with a worried expression.

The pain was building up

"Sorry, excuse me" I said gritting my teeth in pain.

"Alex where are you going?" he said worried.

"Move" I said anger taking over me. Voldemort was angry. I shoved him both my hands and he moved away to let me pass. I walked as fast as I could down the hall. As soon as I turned at a corner I broke into a run.

I reached my car in minutes. I got in but I didn't turn on the engine, the pain was blinding me I rested my head against the steering wheel. And bit my sweater sleeve to keep from screaming out.

Everything was going dark and I was slipping away. Somewhere far in the distance I heard someone call my name and the dark took over the world as the pain slowly became less...

* * *

**well there you have it **

**i thought it was time for them to reaveal themselves to each other **

**im already writing edwards pov in the situation and i am almost doen writing it i just need to type it after that. **

**please review **

**-airali**


	11. breathless

**okay you guys i havent updated in a while so you desrved this nice long chapter**

**it was 40 pages i think i outdid myself **

**and i just got a beta today cuz i really need one lol **

**but i just had to put up this chapter i couldnt contain myelf so it may have many errors **

**enjoy**

* * *

Edwards's pov

Once again I was doing my least favorite activity

Hunting

Still it was necessary, the thing is that it was now more necessary than ever. I went hunting every two days now because I wouldn't take any chances around Alex. Still it wouldn't matter how full of blood I was once I was close to her.

Today's conversation was still going around in my head but I was trying to not remember it, I really did need to hunt right now.

I was deep in the forest now and I had made sure there weren't any stray humans around. I took in a deep breath tasking in all the forest and giving in to my sense in the process.

There was a deer not to far from here, not very appetizing but it would do. I shifted my body onto a crouch then followed the scent at full speed.

I was very close now. I slowed down and saw that it was a small doe. She was drinking from a spring. I approached the doe, her head shot up. Her big eyes looking everywhere for the unknown danger.

She can feel my presence.

Then she takes off and starts running. I ran after it at a slow pace (well for a vampire). I easily pounced on her and she fell to the ground. I effortlessly pinned her to the ground as she struggled under me.

It was no use

I placed my hands on her neck and with a simple twist of my wrist I snapped its neck, the doe moved no longer.

I brought my lips to her throat; I opened my mouth against its skin and dug my teeth deep into her skin. I began to feel the warm flow of that red liquid I was condemned to drink for eternity. I could feel the blood soak my lips and I began to drink feeling how the fire in my throat gradually lessened.

Until I raised my head acknowledging a new scent.

The blood I wanted.

The blood I would kill for.

I whipped my head in the direction of that agonizing scent. But I barely noticed the girl that was standing before me. in my eyes there was no girl there.

There was only my prey

The thirst became overpowering and then the fire ripped through my throat like a million knives. It was so much that the fire seemed to take over my whole body. The flow of venom in my mouth…

That fire gave me the impulse to spring at her.

In that one second I forgot everything I couldn't even remember who I was nothing mattered, nothing except the blood of this creature touching my clod lips.

I was inches away from her, just as she was inches closer to death. I was inches away from the water that promised to put out the fire within me, and just as I was about to fall upon her something hard hit me and the force of it threw me back. But I was up as soon as I touched the ground. A string of growls and roars erupting from my mouth.

I looked towards her; there was nothing in front of her, nothing that could have protected her from my attack. There was nothing with sufficient force to keep me from reaching her.

And yet something _was _stopping me from getting at her

I was close to her in a flash, right in front. I began pacing back and forth desperate to get at her. I could feel the madness taking over me, her scent still taunting me and making me deranged.

The animal inside me taking more of me with every breath I took

I paced back and forth clawing at the invisible barrier between us every time I turned around to walk to the other side. The growls did not secede…

_Stop Edward _said the voice in the back of my head a voice of reason that I thought I had lost the moment I catched her scent. But I wasn't there anymore the monster inside of me had taken over me. I didn't know were Edward was anymore, nor did I care.

"Edward" a calm voice called to me. It was a lovely sound but it was as if I was hearing it coming from a long tunnel. I focused on the voice as best as I could I seemed to be able to find some part of myself.

I was aware that I had stopped pacing by now and I was breathing heavily, it was a big mistake for that only increased the fire. I immediately stopped breathing.

She stood right in front of me; she was dangerously close considering the state in which I was.

She looked at me through expressionless black eyes. I noticed a wooden stick that she held in her right arm.

_Edward control yourself you can't hurt her_

Of course I can I need her blood and I'm going to get it.

_Think about your family your going to disappoint them!_

It doesn't matter nothing matters anymore

_Think what it will do to you!_ The voice was turning urgent

It will only bring joy to me the pain in my throat will be quenched.

_YOU LOVE HER!_

That last sentence made me resurface.

No… I couldn't- how did- but- NO!

Not again

I didn't love her… I couldn't…I wouldn't…

The horror took over me. This cant be happening again!

No it's not happening…

What is she doing here!?

"Alex" I managed to say though it sounded like I was choking. There were so many emotions running through me but the most that seemed to be the one buried more deep inside me seemed to be the one that I hated the most.

Joy?

Why did is she doing to me? Why did she come here tonight?

I was furious at her so that I couldn't escape the glare I gave her.

"Go away" I growled. I was starting to loose that little self control I had.

She seemed like she was debating something, before she could protest a loud and furious growl left my mouth and that seemed to bring some sense back into her.

She turned hesitantly and then walked away. I began shaking; she was leaving…her blood….

How I longed for that blood now as she left I only wanted it more.

I collapsed to the ground and put my face in my hands in shame. I was so weak I almost slipped today.

And no I did not love her. It was only Bella whom could ever have such an effect on me.

But Bella is gone

I couldn't get my thoughts straight. Darkness fell all around the forest in what seemed like a blink of an eye to me.

I felt a hand on my shoulder

_Edward_ said Alice's quiet mental voice

"I almost killed her" I whispered without looking up. Felt her sit beside me

"What happened?" she asked

_I saw your future disappear I thought maybe you were with her or something and then I saw you here and you wouldn't go home…I was worried_ she sounded anxious

"I was…hunting and…she came" just telling her made me more ashamed and disgusted with myself.

"Edward" gasped Alice.

Almost immediately she looked into the future and there I saw her. Alex was on the floor one cheek pressed against the floor and murmuring words now and then.

"You'd still be here" she sung quietly.

"Oh I thought…" Alice trailed off

"No…" and then I remembered

That barrier, Alex was there unafraid, that stick in her hand…

"Alice I think I know what she is"

_Go on _she encouraged

"I think…witch?"

"What?" said a confused Alice

"Alice I was going to kill her" I said desperately "that was the only thing it my mind there was no other way around I would have killed her but… Alice _I _didn't stop…_she _stopped me"

_I'm not following you Edward_

"When I saw her she was holding this wooden stick in her hand and…when I tried to attack her I crashed into something…invisible…right here" I stood up and ran to indicate her just the place where the barrier had been, there was nothing there anymore.

"I think…maybe just maybe… a witch…" I trailed off

_Do witches exist?_

"But if they didn't how do you explain that thing that stopped me from killing her?" I said she seemed to accept that

"I think maybe we should talk to the rest" she said

"Maybe Carlisle knows" I said, she nodded then he took my hand and we started running

My mind was racing with everything that had happened today, so much that I had forgotten –in that short time – that one thought that had comed to me in Alex's presence. It also helped that I knew I didn't love her so that it didn't bother me much.

Soon enough we were home and Alice and I dashed inside the house calling everyone to the dining room which was never used for its original purpose.

Everyone took their rightful seats and I took mines next to Carlisle and an empty chair beside me.

"What is going on" said Carlisle in his mellow voice

"Edward" Alice called indicating for me to talk

I took a deep unnecessary breath "today while I was hunting…Alex saw me"

Rosalie stood up furious

"Great Edward you're starting to grow into the habit aren't you!?"

"Rose" said Emmett standing up and trying to calm her

"No! Edward you're going down that same path again and then you will ruin this family! What the hell-"

"Rosalie" said Carlisle in a warning tone. She looked at him "lets let Edward finish with this and please keep calm" she huffed but obeyed she sat down again and glared at me.

"Edward" said Esme worriedly I looked at my mother her expression matched her tone

"You didn't kill her did you?" that made me more ashamed of myself, my family actually was insecure about me and they had reason enough to be.

"No…miraculously I didn't…which brings me back to what I was saying… I tried to kill her… I was going to but…she stopped me" everyone became confused both in expression and mind.

"What do you mean Edward?" said Carlisle

"Carlisle do witches exist?" I asked ignoring his question for now.

"Yes they do…I've never met one though we have to stay away from them"

"Why?" asked Emmett everyone was ow attentive upon hearing Carlisle say that witches did exist. Curiosity filled the air.

"I learned about them while I lived with the volturi their kind and ours don't mix. Centuries ago when the world was much much young- by what the volturi told me- there were many disputes between wizards an vampires we were a threat to each other and in time these differences drove our kind and theirs into war. Though we were stronger and faster the fight was equal because of their magic. The volturi realized that if the war kept going we would destroy each other so vampires went into hiding out of wizard's sight and they believe us to be extinct. While we know that they exist but don't really know when we come across one. It's for the best"

"So why do you think she is a witch Edward?" said jasper bringing us back to the present

"Because I was so close to killing her I _was_ going to kill her but something stopped me it was like…an invisible barrier and I couldn't even touch her. Then when I came back to my senses I saw her holding a stick in her hand now that could mean nothing but the fact that she somehow stopped me makes me think that maybe she is something along those lines"

"Also" said Alice as we all looked at her "there are those times when her future it just disappears I cant see anything concerning her. It happens frequently sometimes for the whole day, and she is absent at least one Friday every month followed by the disappearance of her future during the weekends"

"So then that's why you can't see her future" I said as it all made sense "its like with the wolves you couldn't see their future either"

"Okay" interrupted Emmett "say maybe you guys are right and she is a witch but where does that leave the fact that she knows what we are"

"Lets think about it" added Rosalie in a reasonable voice she was obviously calm now but her thoughts enraged me.

"Lets not go there again Rosalie" I hissed at her

"no Edward listen, this time it is different its not like Bella when there was that big possibilitie that they wouldn't believe her if she had decided to talk, this is different, Edward what if this girl _does _decide to talk they are going to believe her and then there will be hell to pay for. I hope everyone sees the sense in here we cannot by any means let this one live we can't take such chances."

Yes she was right about this but it was unfair for Alex and that wouldn't happen.

"Rosalie" I said gritting my teeth "I see what you mean but it is not fair for her first of all we don't know if she will tell or not-"

"See there you go again like last time Edward what are you falling for her too?"

That was low even for Rosalie, how could she think that, I would never find myself in a situation like that again

_What if he is _Rosalie thought suddenly

As if on cue everyone's thoughts became similar.

_Holy shit he's falling for her _Emmett thought amused

_Makes sense she has gotten him out of his zombie trance somewhat _thought jasper

_Maybe this is a second chance for him _thought Carlisle

_My son he has another chance at happiness with this girl she is what we have been waiting for a hundred years _thought Esme being truly happy for the first time in a century

_Edward it's going to happen maybe it already is but-_

"Enough!" I growled at them. I blocked their thoughts "I will not go down the same road and no one will ever take Bella's place! That girl will never mean so much to me she doesn't mean anything to me" how could they ever think that I would have another chance that I would find someone else when I had given myself completely to Bella?

"Edward" said Alice in a calm voice "think about it, you say she doesn't mean a thing to you yet she was the person that brought a smile back to your face Edward she is the reason for why you are not as depressed the reason for why you actually talk a bit to your family"

I shook my head. It wasn't true

"Edward" spoke Esme "no one can ever take Bella's place and you know that but maybe just maybe this girl might make you happy again-"

"No Esme she wont please just stop, I don't want to talk about this please don't even think about it. It will never happen"

"All right then son we won't trouble you on that matter any longer" said Carlisle and I was grateful for that.

"Okay fine so if you don't and won't love her then why do you want t keep her alive you don't have to be the one to kill her you know"

"Rosalie listen we cannot do that" said Carlisle "its not right if Bella was spared then why not Alex"

"Because Alex is much more dangerous than Bella" hissed Rosalie

"Rosalie is right" said jasper of course he would be thinking of his wife's safety first.

"I see their point" said Emmett thoughtfully

"Please just…" I couldn't let them kill her and right now I was afraid that I might actually loose this discussion. "Let me talk to her tomorrow and after that we can decide just please don't do anything to her just now please"

"We won't touch her Edward" Alice assured me and I believed her.

_Well who knows maybe she turns out to be good for him _said Rosalie

Keep dreaming

I nodded

"Was she scared?" asked jasper

"No she was too calm" even Bella would have been afraid had she been _that _close to death

"But what could she have been doing so deep in the woods?" asked Esme

"Who knows" I answered

"It's settled then" said Carlisle "Edward try to convince her not to say anything I'm afraid this isn't like last time where we could have left. If we leave it won't stop her from talking and that could greatly alter both her world and ours"

"and what if she is going to say something?" said Esme, Carlisle looked at her and once again as I had done many times I was filled with awe at the love between them it was so full of emotion. Time seemed to only make the feeling bigger.

They had had a happy…forever…

Carlisle sighed

_Then we can't put so many under such peril_

"I can't see any other way around it. As much as I hate to say this, one live gone is better than millions of lives gone"

I knew this would be his final decision yet it filled me with despair. I had to convince her not to say anything I couldn't let her die…

Carlisle left to get ready for his shift in the hospital. Everyone returned to their days activities and I ran all the way to Portland and just walked around aimlessly.

I was annoyed at my family's thoughts when I left

They half expected me to go to the Alex's house tonight to watch her. But I had no reason to want to go to her house there was nothing to pull me to her at the moment sure she had intrigued me somehow before but her secret was out now. There was still the matter that there was something wrong with her attitude but I tried to not pay any more attention to her.

I was going to try to keep my distance from her just because I would not grow fond of her in any way. Things had changed again it enraged me that they could think that one day that girl could form part of the family in Bella's place that would not happen.

The next day was tense my siblings were worried about what would happen; they were ready to take action if she refused to keep silence. Well it was jasper Rosalie and Emmett. Alice couldn't see what would happen but she was worried for Alex and truth be told so was I.

Yeah I didn't want to be near her anymore but still I didn't want her to be killed at our hands. So it worried me what her decision would be.

Lunch would have been that best time to approach her but I didn't want it to be just yet. I waited till biology all the time she didn't seem to notice us though I knew she did. She went on with the usual.

The air around my siblings was tense I felt bad for jasper right there not only was he tense but the feeling was only bigger with the others emotions.

I was just leaving my last class and heading to biology. I was really anxious, I was almost running.

I was walking into the classroom acting as calm as I could when someone bumped into me and their body threatened to fall back. I grabbed her by her shoulders as I realized who she was. Alex had a hand on her forehead as if her head was hurting and she grimaced in pain. Her eyes were pitch black.

"Sorry, excuse me" she grunted

"Alex where are you going?" I said worry coloring my tone. What was wrong with her?

"Move" she half shouted shoving me I moved out of the way, her scent was so strong.

She fast walked as soon as I soon as I moved out of her way. I heard her running as soon as she turned around the corner.

Should I go after her?

As if on cue Alice's thoughts answered me.

_Go Edward she's going to need your help_

Almost reluctantly, I followed after her.

I followed her intoxicating scent to the parking lot and all the way to her car there she was passed out in the car she had her forehead pressed against the steering wheel.

"Alex?" I said running over to her, feeling impatient with the slow speed.

The only thing that indicated that she was still alive was her heartbeat

What do I do? Do I take her to Carlisle?

_She's going to wake up soon but take her to the nurse_ Alice instructed me.

Very carefully I took Alex into my arms she seemed so frail I was afraid I would hurt her. I could feel her bones and had I been human, they would have dug into my skin and hurt. I hurried to the main office holding my breath. it was freezing cold outside and beginning to rain and she only wore a thin navy blue sweater.

Soon enough I was inside the main office.

"Mrs. Patterson" I called her and she looked up from her paperwork. Her eyes widened at the sight before her.

_Oh dear what happened?_ She thought

"she fainted in her car" I explained. yes it might have sounded somewhat suspicious but I could care less I just wanted her to be alright and away from my body I didn't want her scent to make me do something stupid.

With a pang I realized that this scene was all too familiar and I didn't like it. The only thing was different was that a hundred years ago the girl in my arms had been half conscious and i had loved her.

"Right" said Mrs. Patterson and she hurried over to the nurse's room she opened the door for me and I hurriedly set Alex in the cot.

"What happened to her?" asked the nurse

"She fainted in her car" I said without taking my eyes of Alex.

Please let her be alright

The nurse checked her temperature

_Dear lord this girl is freezing cold. _

"We'll wait a bit and see if she wakes up do you know if she has eaten anything" she asked

"No she hasn't" I responded but she never eats so she couldn't have fainted because she didn't eat.

"Teens now a days" said the nurse disapprovingly "they come up with the craziest ways to loose weight" I doubt that's the reason for why she does not eat anything.

"You can go to class" the nurse told me, but there wasn't any way that I would leave unless I new she was alright

"No I want to make sure she is fine" I said with a note of finality on my voice. She argued no further.

She went into her office and I sat in a chair nearby. I stopped breathing then and watched Alex. Her expression was pained and her heartbeat uneven.

I still needed to talk to her about that situation and we would talk today…

Is she ill?

Maybe I _should_ take her with Carlisle

She began stirring and that broke me out of my trance. Her eyes fluttered open to reveal icy blue eyes. She groaned and rubbed her forehead where she had a thin lightning bolt shaped scar. I slowly got up and walked towards her not wanting to scare her.

Would she be scared after what she saw last night?

"Hey" I said quietly she flinched when she heard me. She turned her head towards me.

"What happened" she said her voice showing exhaustion.

"You fainted in your car"

"Then how in Merlin's pants did-" then it seemed to click to her that I had brought her here. "Oh" she finished. I smiled at her

"The nurse will be coming in shortly" I announced "you might want to do something about your eyes their blue.

I frown appeared in her face. Almost instantly the nurse came bustling in to check up on Alex. Alex set her gaze on the floor.

"Oh your awake" said the nurse, "good good… now what happened?"

"Uhm" said Alex quietly. This would be interesting. "I got a bit dizzy, and then I passed out"

"Did you eat?" said the nurse

Ever so slowly Alex turned her eyes towards me, scrutinizing my expression. Then she let out a frustrated sigh and told the truth.

"No I didn't eat anything" she admitted. Good thing she knows when no to lie. She hung her red head in shame like a little kid when they are told to go to their room for being bad.

"Well that's why you fainted" the nurse scolded her. "I'll get you some food right now" Alex frowned at the floor and then she glared at it. It was my cue to step in.

"Actually" I began and the nurse turned towards me. "I was thinking she should go home she must be tired out by the fainting. Don't worry I'll make sure she eats something but I also think she needs some rest" there, the nurse couldn't argue with me, the girl looked like the living dead. Her eyes were sunken and she was all bones. Extraordinary how she still manages to look…exquisite….

"I would like to go home" said Alex raising her hand as if she were volunteering for something

"I will make sure she eats" I promised the nurse once again seeing in her mind that she was worried for Alex's bad diet. I gave the nurse a reassuring smile and that seemed to convince her. But she gave me a long stare…the type of stares that make you feel awkward

Her thoughts didn't help

"Right" she said then as she fluttered her eyelashes "all right then" she turned to Alex "now you go home and you eat something then you get some good sleep alright? Heaven knows you need it"

I had to suppress a laugh

"Right" muttered Alex as she jumped of the cot.

"Now you go tell Mrs. Patterson that you're leaving" she said patting Alex's shoulder.

I followed after Alex. I talked to her in a low voice

"I'll tell Mrs. Patterson" I told her without looking back she nodded and stood by the door

I walked over to the receptionist

"Mrs. Patterson?" I said using a smooth voice. She jumped slightly, startled.

_Oh my…concentrate Gertrude concentrate_

"Yes dear?" she said in a shaky voice

"Alex doesn't feel well I want to take her home so could you excuse us from biology?" I said politely and friendly

"All right I'll take care of it then" she said

"Thank you" I said she didn't trust herself to speak so she nodded

_Ridiculous Gertrude he's just a boy _

Only not really

"Hope you feel better Alex" she called over to Alex. Alex seemed to break out of a trance and looked at Mrs. Patterson confused. Then she seemed to decide to just go along with it.

"Yeah…. I'll try" she said then she walked out the door and I followed after her.

It was drizzling outside but the rain would become heavier. I easily kept pace with her and we both headed towards her car. Before we even reached the car she stopped and turned to me with a raised eyebrow.

"May I help you" she said in a formal tone. I smiled at her, her expression didn't change.

"No but I promised I would take you home and make sure you were alright" I responded. She should get out of the rain it was getting heavier…that would only increase the force of her scent...

"Yeah well I'm not leaving my car" she said, and this time she put her hands on her tiny hips.

"You don't have to I'll drive you to your house in your car"

"Then how-" she began, but I cut her off

"Don't worry, bottom part is your going to get home safely and so will your car."

She didn't argue. She merely turned on her heel and began jumping into the puddles of water, making her way to her car while doing so; she resembled a little girl so much.

We both stopped at the driver's side of the car. Now it was my turn to raise an eyebrow at her.

"I'm driving" I said firmly. She looked at me for some time "Alex hurry and give me the key you're getting drenched"

"So" she said but she put her hand into her sweater pockets and took out the key with the remote. She held it in the air then dropped it and I caught it before it fell into a puddle.

"The question is what you would have done if the remote had fallen into the water" I said and she smiled

"Something told me you would have catched it" she said then she walked over to the passengers side and climbed in.

The ride to her house was silent and the air tense. Not only that but the air was literally agonizing. I seemed to be getting a bit used to her scent though and that made me proud of myself. It was harder than last time, but finding out that I was just a bit more used to this scent made me a bit stronger.

"Park here" she instructed me pointing to her driveway "I'll ask Frankie to put in the garage later." I did as she said and then tuned off the car.

We were silent. I took deep breaths of her scent trying to make myself get used to the scent, trying to overcome the burning.

"Well thanks for bringing me now I am leaving" she made to get out but I grabbed the hood of her wet sweater and gently pulled her back.

"Not yet and you know it" I said and she sighed and turned around again.

"Okay…what?" she said crossing her arms across her chest

"You know what I want to talk about" I said

"_Is _there anything to talk about? I mean yeah sure I'm a witch you're a vampire. There you go its confirmed now what else do you want?"

I stared ahead looking at the garage door. "Have you told anyone?" I said in a rough voice

"Do you really think I'm an idiot?" she snapped she wasn't making things easier.

She sighed again "I'm sorry…about…everything for being such a git" I smiled at her choice of words. Was she bipolar or something?

"It's alright" I said.

"Tell me something?" she said as we both stared straight ahead of us.

"Okay" I said curiously

"I thought vampires drank human blood"

"Most of us do, but we don't have to…we wont die of starvation you know? But it's hard to resist if we are thirsty. My family…we chose to drink animal blood because…." How could I say this? "We don't want to be…monsters"

Being a monster was not something I could help however.

And just like that I began to explain everything about vampires to her. With Bella it had been different…I had been hesitant to tell her. I had been scared that I might scare her. It wasn't the case with Alex however; I had that feeling that she wouldn't be scared; after all she was familiar with the….unusual…right?

She seemed engrossed in everything I said. She made questions now and then, never had I heard her talk so much and I had never seen her show so much emotion. It was like I had broken through some of her barriers just in this small amount of time. This girl was so interesting.

But through all of this it was frustrating that I couldn't hear her thoughts, I wanted to hear all of her questions and I wanted to see what she really thought of us.

But what was more frustrating and painful was that damn scent. It assaulted me, it was as if it was pointing to me with a gun, one false move and it would shoot. One slip and I could kill her.

We fell into silence just after I had told her how we didn't age and I had told her old I was. She was thoughtful but seemed to get sadder as the seconds passed.

I had so many questions to ask her too but I decided to answer hers first. I didn't want to tell her anything about my past however and she, thankfully, didn't ask.

She looked up at the sky and then at the clock on the dashboard.

"You know I did promise to make sure you ate something" I reminded her. As much as her scent hurt I wanted to make sure she did eat.

For just a fraction of a second I saw the faint traces of a real smile. Usually her smiles seemed forced and though this one was brief I could see it wasn't forced.

"Yeah you did…do you want to come in?" she asked "that way you can make sure I do eat" she added sarcastically.

"Not a bad idea" I said I opened the door and relaxed a bit when I could smell and feel the fresh air. I took as much of it as I could. I got out before her and ran at vampire speed towards her side and opened the door for her. She jumped when she saw me.

"Don't do that" she said a she stepped out of the car.

"Do what?"

"Scare me like that did you know its bad for the heart" she said in a playfully reproaching tone. She seemed to be loosening up a little, she seemed more alive. Oddly enough it made me…. happy….to see her like this….

We went into her house and my mouth almost dropped to the floor. The house was too big. The house looked so small from the outside, and inside it was just about the size of _my_ house.

"I'm guessing you like it" said Alex eyeing me as she removed her wet sweater to reveal a plain black t-shirt. It was a nice contrast with her pale skin.

"Yes you guys have good taste…it's only you and your brother right?"

"Yeah…my brother was the decorator actually, so he's the one with the good taste." She said shrugging. She led me to the kitchen just like the living room it was bigger than you would expect it to be.

"How is it that it is so big?" I said more to myself than her.

"Did you miss the part were I said I was a witch?" she said rolling her eyes.

She then began to look through the cupboards.

"I just wish I was actually hungry" she muttered impatiently.

"Yeah that would make eating easier" I said and she made a weird noise that indicated that she didn't think it was funny.

She then settled for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She sat on a kitchen counter munching on that gross excuse for food. I sat on the kitchen at a safer distance from her smell.

"So" she said after swallowing "is that everything about vampires?"

"Yes I believe I told you everything" I said

"And your whole family are vampires"

"Yes but we are not actually related" she nodded in understating then she hoped off the counter.

"Can you wait a second I'm going to change, my shirt is still kind of wet" she said.

"Go on ahead" I said gesturing with my hand for her to go. She ran out of the kitchen and I heard her hurry up the stairs.

I knew she wouldn't say anything now, and that made me breathe more easily. Still I needed to hear her promise that she wouldn't say anything or my family would be mad at me.

Alex really was an intriguing person even more now than before. Because before it had been those mysteries around her that intrigued me. Now I knew she was a witch but I still didn't know why she was the she was….so cold and hollow.

And just today discovered a different side of her one that wasn't as hollow, it was a brighter side. It only intrigued me more and invited me into her.

I wanted to get to know her. I wanted to get closer to her…..

No Edward, it's not right…can't you see what's happening your falling into all those holes.

I don't love her and I can't get close to her because that just wouldn't do any good to any of us. The conversations and everything just had to end, after this I would not talk to her anymore. No matter what became of me I would not talk to her anymore.

If I wasn't interested in being close to her in any way why did those thoughts hurt?

"Okay" Alex said breaking me out of my thoughts.

She resumed her seat on the counter; she wore a grey v neck blouse that fit her loosely. She was skeletal.

The room was then filled with silence. Both of us lost in our own thoughts.

I just needed her to promise me that she wouldn't say anything and then I would be on my way.

"You know" she said breaking the silence. I held my breath; I had to get out now her scent was getting to me. I hadn't told her that one small part, I didn't tell her what her scent did to me. It didn't matter anymore; I wouldn't be talking with her again after this.

"Yes?" I said carefully breathing in and out, guarded.

"Last night when you almost killed me"

I winced when she said this; it wasn't something I wanted her to talk about.

"I couldn't bring myself to be scared though I knew I should"

"You didn't seem scared" I agreed with her "if I may ask…what were you thinking when that happened?" there had been this part where she seemed like she was considering something, what had she been thinking?

"I was thinking well considering whether I should let you kill me or not" my head shot up in her direction and for some time I forgot my thirst.

"What" I gasped, if I had a heartbeat I probably would have gotten a heart attack or something.

She shrugged

"Death doesn't sound so bad" she said indifferently

"You don't know what you're saying" I said my voice was hard. I was angry how could she even think of such a thing?

"And you do" she challenged.

"Why would you even consider that Alex?" i said ignoring her question

She shrugged

"We live in a sad world" she said

How true her words were.

"Yes but it is also a beautiful world, you have so much ahead of you Alex, why would you want to throw that away?"

"I'm not throwing anything away" she whispered "there's nothing left for me here"

"Alex" I said hesitantly "what happened to you?" what was her reason for thinking that she had no future? Why did she want to die?

She was hesitant, she wouldn't tell me. I would never know…

Just then we heard a knock on the door.

_Hey bro come on time to go_ Emmett's thoughts shouted at me.

"That's Emmett" I said as we got up

"How did you know?" she asked and I tapped my head

"Right" she said

I made to get out of the kitchen, the burning in my throat had made me aware of its presence but a warm small hand grabbed my arm. I turned around and my eyes were met by Alex's pleading ones.

"Edward" she whispered "you wont stop being my friend will you? You'll still talk to me wont you?" her voice was urgent, scared, and pleading.

Her expression….she seemed so vulnerable…..so helpless.

_I wouldn't dream of it love _

That one simple thought made me realize so many things, it made me see so many things, it was a new world than the one I had been living in for so long. Though I had no change in body temperature I was filled with warmness. Though there was no sun outside the whole world seemed to be shining and my heart felt….alive. It wasn't beating but it still felt alive.

As I looked into her big black eyes I knew that I couldn't leave her. It wouldn't do neither of us any good.

_Because none of us are the right person to help _

I remembered franks words from that night. Maybe I wasn't necessarily the one to help her but I would definitely try, I wouldn't give up on her.

"I'll never leave you Alex" I said.

Her face broke out into a big smile, and in my eyes it was the biggest and brightest smile I had ever seen, that smile meant the world to me. And it made me happy to see that I was able to make her smile. I wasn't hurting her I was helping her.

She took two steps forward and engulfed me into a hug. The proximity caught me off guard and I didn't dare move. She looked up and it made me sad to see that her smile had been replaced by a frown.

"I'm sorry" she said letting go.

"Don't be…it caught me off guard and….you have a very nice scent" I said apologetically. "I'll explain some other time" I promised.

_I know you're having a moment but hurry up boy _Emmett's mental voice roared.

"Come on my brother's getting impatient" I said jokingly and her smile was back. We walked towards the door and I opened it to see a smirking Emmett.

"Hello Edward and Alex, you guys ditching?" he said raising his eyebrows in fake shock.

"What's it to you Emmett" responded Alex. I smiled she was really friendly when she wanted to be.

"I like you" said Emmett approvingly.

"Good to know" she said. We both looked at my Audi Alice jasper and Rosalie were in it.

_What did she say Edward? _

I turned to Alex "so I'll see you tomorrow?" I said

"Yes" she said

"sooo" began Emmett "witch huh?"

Alex looked at me I gave her an apologetic look

"It's hard to keep secrets in the family" I explained

"Right" she said "but I can count on you guys to keep my secret right? All of you guys?"

"Yes you can" I promised "and can we count on you to not say anything to anyone?"

"Yes you can" she promised I couldn't doubt her voice was full of sincerity and truth.

"Cool" said Emmett "now if you excuse us we need to get going"

"Bye Alex" I said I didn't want to go home but her brother would be getting home soon I assumed.

"Bye guys" she said.

Emmett and I walked down the porch steps. I got into the back seat of the car, jasper was driving. As soon as I got into the car he was able to feel my feelings, they were so strong, and suddenly he smirked.

"Interesting day Edward?" he said a smile in his voice.

"You have no idea" I said.

"Told you so" Alice said.

"About time I saw you happy" said Rosalie smiling as well.

As we left I caught a glimpse of Alex, she wasn't smiling anymore her face was expressionless once again and her hair wasn't short and red, it was long straight and deep black.

I was going to her room tonight without a doubt…..

* * *

**okay so now it gets good i daresay **

**remember in fanfiction reviews are like money **

**lol**

**also i just wrote a new story **

**it is called a lifetime in a week **

**so check it out if you guys have time **

**-airali **


	12. its cold tonight

**Alex's pov **

"Edward" I whispered as I pulled him to face me. Watching him turn his back to me overwhelmed me with such pain. I couldn't understand it but I didn't pay much attention to the confusion. I couldn't let go of him just yet I needed to have his friendship for if I didn't I would most definitely lose my sanity.

"You won't stop being my friend will you? You'll still be my friend wont you?" Some instinct, I believe, told me that he understood me better than anyone else. He was exactly what I needed someone that could understand what I was going through. someone that would have patience with me and never give up on me. That was the kind of friend I needed, that was the kind of friend Edward was.

He seemed surprised by my question. He looked at me for a long time like he was thinking many things over at the same time. After a bit his expression softened and I felt myself breathe again.

"I'll never leave you alex" he promised I couldn't quite understand what had changed in his expression but it was something that made me feel…safe…safe from myself. For the first time since cedric died I was able to smile effortlessly. It was a real smile and it felt somehow…liberating…

I'm sure he noticed that too because his face broke out into a lovely crooked smile…it was…dazzling…I'm positive I had never seen him smile like that, it was beautiful. This was the closest I could possibly get to being happy so I couldn't help it when I wrapped my arms around him. It felt like hugging a stone but he felt warm and smelled amazing. It was unlike anything I had ever smelled.

I felt him stiffen in my arms, and I became afraid that I might have done something to upset him. maybe I went out of line by the gesture. I looked up at him and saw that he was turning his head far away from me but his eyes were still looking in my direction.

He wasn't breathing.

"I'm sorry" I said as I let go of him. He seemed to loosen up once I had let go of him.

"don't be" he said apologetically "it caught me off guard…and you have a very nice scent... I'll explain some other time" he said giving me an apologetic smile. That sentence brought a sense of relief to me. He was planning to talk to me again then.

"Come on my brothers getting impatient" he said grinning, I smiled at him. But just how impatient was his brother?

We walked to the door and Edward opened it to reveal a grinning Emmett.

Oh yeah he looked impatient.

"hello Edward and alex, you guys ditching?" Emmett said as his eyes widened in fake shock.

"What's it to you Emmett" I said grinning back. It had been a while since I had actually felt somewhat happy.

"I like you" he responded approvingly.

"Good to know" I said, and then I turned my attention to Edwards Audi. Jasper Alice and Rosalie were in it. Both Rosalie and jasper seemed tense. Alice on the other hand seemed perfectly calm.

"so" said Edward breaking me out of my thoughts " I'll see you tomorrow" he said.

"yes" I said nodding.

"sooo" interrupted Emmett "witch huh?" he said.

Way to keep the secret Edward.

I turned to Edward and he gave an apologetic look.

"It's hard to keep secrets in the family" he explained. Well I guess I can understand that. I just shudder to think of the trouble I'm going to be in if anyone finds out that someone found out that I'm a witch.

"Right" I said. Wait why should anyone find out that the Cullen's know? This is just between them and me. "but I can count on you guys to keep my secret right? All of you guys?"

"Yes you can" Edward assured me "and can we count on you not to say anything to anyone?" he asked.

"Yes you can" I promised him.

"Cool" said Emmett "now if you excuse us we need to get going"

I felt my stomach hurt when he said this. I really didn't want Edward to leave just yet. God knows what stupidities I can do.

"Bye alex" Edward said and the words hurt though I knew I would see him tomorrow.

"Bye guys" I said as calmly a I could manage.

Then they both turned around and gracefully walked down the porch steps. Sooner than possible they were already getting into the car.

I felt my hair grow longer and I saw it get darker. Dread filled me then that familiar depression came back full force. As their car left I turned and went inside the house. I walked to my room and laid down on the bed looking at the picture on my bedside table. It was hard to believe that the girl in that picture had once been me. Though I knew I had once been very happy I felt like I couldn't quite remember what it had felt like. The two people that gazed at each other in that picture seemed to be from another world one that wasn't as dark as the hole I was living in. a world i didnt belong to, one that i didnt deserve.

It could have been hours that passed. I wouldn't know, I only know that all the while I was looking at the picture and wishing so bad that I could be dead. I didn't even trust myself to move an inch for fear that moving would make me do something...something i would regret. after all it wasnt my time yet.

"Alex?" I heard Frankie call me.

"Up here" I answered loud enough for him to hear me, a few minutes later he was knocking on my door.

"Come in" I grunted.

"how are you?" he asked as he came to sit next to me on the bed.

"Fine" I muttered.

"How was your day?" he asked.

"Meh" I said without looking away from the picture.

"Well if it was that good then you deserve a day of lessons" he joked

"Fabulous" I said as I got up and followed him to the back yard so we could begin the days lessons…

**Edwards pov**

I was laying on my bed listening to some music. Something I did very often, but in my head is where I was drowning in thoughts.

I hadn't been this happy in a hundred years and neither had my family.

Was this wrong?

It had to be wrong after all how many times had I told Bella that t she would be the only woman in my life.

Though I was happy I also felt grief for my deceased wife. I wasn't sure what to do because I still loved Bella no matter what. She would always be something special to me. But I needed Alex; I couldn't imagine a life without her anymore.

Was I betraying Bella?

"Edward" called esme breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Come in" I murmured without moving. Suddenly she was sitting next to me.

"How are you doing" she said softly as she stroked my hair.

"I'm so lost mom" I whispered.

"I can only imagine sweetheart" she murmured I closed my eyes as she continued to stroke my hair softly.

We were in silence for a while. I didn't want to invade de her thoughts so I just focused in my own thoughts.

"There is a reason for why bella asked you not to kill yourself you know?" she said suddenly.

"Is there?" I whispered.

"Maybe she knew that you had more ahead of you."

I had nothing to say to that.

"Do what you think is right" she said "but I know Bella would have understood Edward. Bella would have wanted you to be happy. She wouldn't have asked you to stay alive unless she had known that someday you would be happy again. She would have wanted this for you" with that my mother stood up and gave me a light kiss on the cheek.

"I love you my son" she whispered in my ear "and I want you to be happy. Choose what makes _you_ happy Edward" she said and then she was out of the room.

She was right. Bella would have wanted me to be happy. She would understand that I need Alex so much, without her I would surely die. I couldn't live without her, I needed her so desperately. She was like my lifeline, I didn't know if she returned the feelings, I don't think she does but I would keep her as a friend if I had to. I just needed her in my life, I loved her with such a force that I didn't know I had it in me. Though I loved Bella deeply…it was different with Alex. I think that what made it different was that I had been so depressed for so long for the loss of my wife that when I met Alex I had so desperately wanted to relieve myself of that pain. Alex helped me through it she healed the cuts and I needed her now more than ever.

I know understood Bella's feelings toward Jacob.

I got up from my bed in a flash and was at the living room in a second

"What's up bro?" said Emmett looking away from the TV screen

"I'm going out" I informed all of them. I saw as a slow smile spread on Esme's lips.

_I knew you would do the right thing son _she thought and I knew that now she was truly happy. I didn't know if this was the right thing but I didn't want to think about that at the moment. Right now there was someone I wanted to see so badly.

"Say hi to alex for me" Emmett said chuckling "though she is probably asleep by now what time is it?" I didn't stay any longer. I was itching to see her, I hadn't done this in so long and truth be told I loved the feeling. I loved knowing that soon I would be watching the new reason for my existence, sleep. I was slowly realizing how much I really loved her, it still seemed so unreal, she seemed unreal all of a sudden.

I ran as fast as my legs could carry me to her house. It was relatively close to my home, so I was there in four minutes, running of course. I went around to the back of the house where their yard was. If you could call it a yard it looked more like a small forest.

I really wasn't sure which was he room but decided to first make sure I was in control of myself, for I knew that what I was doing was risky. My presence put her in danger; I knew that, so I had to be very careful.

I turned my head to the direction of one of the windows on the second floor, and I sniffed the air. I could smell her scent but it wasn't very strong. I turned my head to the other direction and upon smelling the air I was met with her intoxicating sweet scent. The smell was stronger on that side. I quickly climbed the tree that was conveniently situated right next to a balcony. Once I had climbed on the balcony I was sure that this was her room. Her scent was the strongest here. I looked through one of the French doors of the balcony and I saw a small bundle curled up on the far left side of the bed.

Hoping that the door wasn't closed I turned the door handle. The door opened smoothly and without a sound. This was much easier than the first time I did this. Before entering the warm room I made sure I was still in perfect control of myself. Then I entered the room and slowly and quietly closed the door behind me.

And there she was.

I could hear her slow even breathing. I could see the slow movement of her breathing under the sheets. I could smell her scent in every inch of the room. I was well aware that not only was this dangerous but it wasn't moraly correct. I should be repulsed by my actions yet I couldn't bring myself to do so. The only feeling inside of me was satisfaction, because I could see her and be close to her.

Her room was big and tidy. Her desk was the only thing that was disorganized. There were big books filling it and what seemed like parchment and ink bottles on it. I got closer to the desk to read the tittles of her books. One of them read _the standard book of spells grade 5 _another one read _defensive magical theory_. I wasnt able to read the rest since they were all opened. A laptop was on top of all the books, closed and turned off. I went to the other side of the room to look at what was on the shelves on t he wall. There were a couple other books and some cd's along with and expensive cd player and an ihome.

I studied her room taking in all of my surroundings. Then my eyes fell upon the tiny lump on the big bed. She turned around and readjusted herself into a fetal position. The moonlight hit her face and it made her look ghostly, almost translucent.

She truly was beautiful, though her features were gaunt; it had no effect upon her beauty. She wasn't sleeping peacefully. She had a frown that seemed like it was etched into her skin. There was a movement next to her that caught my attention. I looked at her bedside table and saw two wooden sticks resting side by side. But that was not the source that caught my attention. It was the picture that rested in a picture frame. Only it wasn't you're average picture. The two people in it were _moving. _

Without thinking I walked closer towards the picture, closer to Alex…

I took the picture frame in my hand and examined the _picture_. There were two people in it and I had seen both of them before. One of them was Alex, though I still couldn't really believe it was her. She seemed so distinct from the Alex that I knew. She was happy and even more beautiful than she is now, if that's even possible. If Rosalie was a beauty, then she was nothing compared to Alex.

She was wearing silver robes and looked like she was glowing with happiness. She was still very thin but not skeletal, she looked healthy. Her features weren't gaunt, but happy. Her eyes were…they looked so green that it seemed like they were glowing. They were beautifully framed by her thick, dark, eyelashes. There were still dark shadows under her eyes but they only made her green eyes look more amazing. Her hair was blood red, redder than she had it now.

Holding her was the boy I had seen in, what I believe was one of her memories. He was tall and clad in black robes. He had sharp features, high cheekbones and gray eyes. with light brown tousled hair. He was good looking and seemed to be about seventeen years old. He held Alex by her waist and they were both looking at each other. Then they turned towards the camera and waved in my direction both smiling hugely. It wasn't hard to see that t they were both deeply in love with each other. By the way they looked at each other….

it was the couple of perfection.

Then the boy leaned down towards her and placed his lips on hers, as she wrapped her arms around his neck. I couldn't help but feel the jealousy that I felt. I wanted so bad to make her happy, just like he was doing. i wanted to be the one holding her. the one she looked at so adoringly.I wanted her to be mine and no one else's.

I looked at the sleeping Alex. Her frown had disappeared and she seemed very calm and relaxed. Her hair wasn't the short spiky red hair I was used to. It was long straight and black.

Quietly I put the picture frame down on the bedside table and then I turned and without thinking I leaned towards her and stroked her cheekbone.

Everything around me dissolved, then. It all became a blur and nothing seemed clear. Then after some seconds everything seemed to settle down again. But I wasn't in Alex's room anymore. I was in a forest. It all seemed grey and cold.

Then I saw two figures. One of them was sitting on the ground, leaning against a tree. The other figure was sitting on the lap of the other figure. It was hard to see, even for me, there was so much fog.

I walked closer to the two figures. I knew that they wouldn't see me. This was just like the last time.

They came into view and I realized who it was. The person sitting on the floor was the boy from the picture the boy from her other memories. The figure sitting on his lap was alex. He cradled her in her arms as if she were a child, while she hid her face in his chest and quietly sobbed.

"I miss you so much" she whispered.

"I know beautiful" he murmured. He wrapped his arms around her tightly.

"Why did you leave me?" she whispered in between sobs. It hurt to see her like this, she seemed so broken. I felt so useless just standing there.

He didn't answer

I was too busy looking at Alex to see that there was something different. But I followed Alex's gaze as she looked up at him.

Except that wasn't him anymore.

It was me.

As soon as she saw that it was me holding her she gasped and jumped back, falling to the ground.

"Don't be afraid" purred the other me.

She was dreaming all of this…

"You're not Cedric" she whispered. Her face twisted into a mask of pure agony.

Then everything around me blurred and after a few seconds I was back in her room.

I saw her stir and I quickly went back into the shadows of her room where she would not see me, and held my breath.

She woke up gasping, and she was sitting in a flash. She was sweating, I noticed, and her breath came out in short uneven gasps.

She closed her eyes and covered her ears; she stayed like that for some time. It was then that I noticed that it had begun raining.

The thunder seemed to bring her back from her thoughts. Her eyes snapped open and she looked out the doors and looked at the rain.

Slowly she got out of her bed and walked over to the French doors.

If I had been in pain when I saw her sobbing into Cedric's chest then it was nothing compared to how I felt when she said that I wasn't him. Her expression had been accusing, like she blamed me for her pain. Could a dead heart break? It felt like mine would.

for the first time in my existence i wished i could be him instead of me.

"It's raining Cedric" she whispered, never tearing her eyes away from the rain.

Ever so slowly s he opened the door and walked out to the balcony and into the rainy night.

I wanted her to be happy, I wanted to help her get rid of those feelings she carried with her. But suddenly I inquired myself. _Could she be fixed?_

Would she ever be happy?

I love her but I can't think of her ever being with me. I knew the feelings weren't mutual. She could never see me as someone worthy of love. Though the knowledge made my heart drop, I knew that if this was what was best for her then I would gladly have her as a friend. Though I knew I would always want more, I was strong enough to never ask more than friendship from her.

"Can you hear me now?" she called out to the sky, yet she didn't seem crazy. Not in my eyes. When I lost Bella I had constantly found myself talking to no one. I did it because it made me feel like she was still here somehow. Yet the silence that followed after my sentences had always painfully brought me back to reality. It only made my state worse. That is what it was doing to Alex; it was only making matters for her worse.

Now I understood the reason behind her pain. It was the boy-Cedric- that was causing her all of this pain. What he did to make her suffer like this? I could not imagine. Judging from her dream he left her. But I could not form any assumptions just yet.

How I longed to be able to comfort her, to help her through this pain. Though I had my family with me when Bella died I had always felt alone. Because there was no one that could really understand me. Whatever this boy had done to her, I did not want her to go through the pain alone like I had.

I continued observing her as she looked up at the sky, completely drenched.

"It's so cold tonight" she whispered. Her voice was soft like smooth velvet but it dripped with sadness. Sadness that I don't think any other human has ever experienced. It is sadness so deep, a sadness that I have lived with for a hundred years. I don't even think that it could be categorized as sadness.

Whatever traces of happiness she had this afternoon, it was long gone. There was the Alex I had met.

Unable to do anything else I just observed her. All the while she quietly mumbled words to herself. Trying to comfort herself perhaps. As I watched her I took in her scent. Trying to overcome the pain that surged in my throat, taming that monster in me. It was satisfying to know that her smell seemed to be more bearable.

"Goodnight ced" she whispered into the night, and then she began to walk into her room. I stepped back until my back touched the wall. If she turned on the lamp I would be caught. Now I decided to feel ashamed of myself for being in her room. So much for being a gentleman.

It was my night of luck, apparently. For she walked straight to her closet grabbed some dry clothes and then walked to her bathroom without even turning on the light. Once she was in the bathroom I grabbed my opportunity and quickly strode out of her room.

It wouldn't be long until I saw her again. It was already four in the morning.

And yet three more hours seemed like an eternity to me…

* * *

**okay guys lets see if you guys can notice whi ch quotes i took from stephenie meyers midnight sun storie **

**you know what i dont care if you review anymore**

**but there you have it i liked this chapter**

**-airali **


	13. my world

**sorry guys there was a part that i forgot to write. **

**i dont know how it happened it just did**

**lol**

**its alexs pov at the end **

* * *

Alexs pov

Though I slept more than I usually did, last night, all of the lack of sleep for the past months seemed to finally be catching up with me.

I was on my way to school. I had one hand on the wheel and the other holding a mug with coffee and a whole lot of caffeine in it. Let's see if caffeine really does magic.

I easily found a space in the parking lot and I pulled in smoothly. I still had time so I turned of the car and leaned my head against the headrest, and closed my eyes.

Someone tapped on the window. The sound startled me and I tipped the mug over and some of the coffee fell on the passenger's seat.

I turned around to see who the culprit of this incident had been. I was met with a laughing Edward. As glad as I was to see him I still huffed in frustration as I pulled out my wand from my bag. I pointed it at the passenger's seat. I could feel Edwards eyed on me.

"_Protego_" I murmured and then the coffee on the seat disappeared. Quickly I put my wand back in my bag and got out. I turned around and saw Edward still looking at me. I drained the rest of the coffee and then put the mug inside the car. After I locked it I turned back to Edward who still hadn't said a word.

"You all right Edward?" I asked waving my hand in front of him.

"I've never seen you use magic now that I think about it." he said thoughtfully.

I put a hand on his shoulder and talked slowly. "Then I'm glad I was here to share this special moment with you" I said in mockingly.

He chuckled then took my hand that was on his shoulder into his own warm hand.

"Good morning" he said intently.

I gave him a sly smile and pulled out my hand from his.

"Morning" I said sounding a bit awkward. "So is there a reason for why you decided to give me a heart attack as a greeting?" I said to lighten the mood.

He smiled his amazing crooked smile. Putting behind us the awkward moment, "I didn't think you'd have such a reaction."

"Of course" I said. We began walking towards school.

"Where are your brothers?" I asked.

"Uhm somewhere around the school" he said shrugging.

"Ah" I said knowingly.

"Bad night?" he asked out of nowhere.

"What makes you think that?" I asked

"The coffee you just drained and those dark shadows under your eyes speak for themselves"

"I always have shadows under my eyes" I pointed out.

"Yeah but their darker" he responded. He was observant, maybe too observant for his own good.

"Okay so I had a bad night, no different from the other nights" I said as casually as I could manage.

"So you've had other ba-"

"Can we talk of something else?" I asked not wanting to explain the reason behind my sleepless nights. "So how was _you're_ night?"

"Mine was…better than yours" I looked at him and he gave me a wicked smile.

"I'd wager it was" I said.

"I hope that coffee had lots of caffeine in it, I sense a long and boring and boring lesson for your first class" he said as we stopped right in front of my classroom.

"How boring?" I asked

"Too boring to put into words"

"Damn" I muttered. "Well then wish me lots of luck"

"I know you'll need it…good luck"

I rolled my eyes art him "thanks, see you later then" I said with a wave and then headed inside the classroom.

* * *

Caffeine is a myth!

I barely hung on to what the teacher was saying. Edward was right the lesson _was_ boring beyond existence. Then by the second class I don't even remember seeing the teacher start the class. I only woke up because Mr. Smith woke me up and began telling me off about how the classroom was not my bedroom to sleep in. could have fooled me.

I now dragged my feet to lunch.

"You sure you won't fall asleep out of nowhere" asked a voice like velvet.

"Expect anything Edward" I said smiling.

He was next to me now "good to know that the caffeine is helping"

"Yeah right. I learned today that caffeine is a complete myth"

"And when did you figure that out? When you were accused of turning the classroom into your bedroom?" he said mockingly.

"No i realized that when i fell asleep and banged my head on the table" I said as we waited in the lunch line.

"You know I don't even know why I'm in line I'm not going to eat." I muttered and then I walked away towards my usual table. I sat down and rested my head on my arms.

A few minutes later I felt slight pressure on my arm.

"I know you're tired but it would make me feel much better if you ate something" Edward said.

Slowly I raised my head and looked at him through my half closed eyes. he gently pushed his tray against my arm again.

"What are you my mother?" I said as I took an apple from his tray.

"Why do you even buy food if you're not going to eat it?" I asked and took a bite out of the apple.

"We try to blend in as much as possible" he said looking at me.

"I'll give you a tip. If you want to blend in as much as possible try at least to eat something"

"We don't enjoy vomiting the food later on Alex" he said, his eyes full of amusement.

"Eew I wouldn't either" I looked at him. He seemed content; his eyes were a strange ocher color with that golden tone.

"Is it my turn today?" he asked, I looked at his face again. He was serious now. All of the amusement gone.

"I only have one request"

He gestured with a hand for me to continue

"No questions about me. No personal questions I guess…just questions about the world I live in"

He didn't like the bargain. He raised a perfectly sculptured eyebrow and looked at me thoughtfully.

"How about I ask you anything and you get to decide if it is too personal to answer. If you feel like it is then you dont have to answer"

Well that's the best I would get out of this bargain.

"Deal" I said taking another bite out of the apple.

He began to think…

"Alright" he said and he crossed his arms across his chest and leaned back.

"Do you remember the first time I talked to you?" he asked looking at me seriously.

Of course I remember, I'm a half vampire that can remember any insignificant detail about my life.

Then again _he_ didn't know that.

"I remember" I said nodding

"Well why did you introduce yourself as melody potter?" he asked still staring at me intently.

"Because that my name" I said calmly.

"I'm not quite following" he said automatically leaning forward. His arms now resting on the table.

"My real name is Alexandra melody potter. Personally I have no idea why my parent's named me like that. I reckon they couldn't decide whether to name me melody or Alexandra so they just went for both"

He grinned. But then his expression turned questioning again. "Then why would you lie about your surname?"

How to answer that?

"Well…too personal" I finally said looking down.

i couldnt answer him that because answering that would bring more questions about my past. and that's the last thing i wanted to talk to him about.

I trust him but…it would be no use to tell him… I didn't just want to talk about it to _anyone_. I wanted to talk about it to someone that would truly understand what I am going through. Not someone that said that they understood. Truth is that the only way that one can truly understand someone else is if they have gone through something similar. If they have felt those similar feelings.

Edward wouldn't understand me, so I would rather not tell him.

"Alright" he said. His tone was kind like he wanted to make me feel better.

"Frankie isn't my brother either" I said still looking at the table. Feeling relieved that he hadn't made much of my hesitation.

"He isn't?" he asked, surprise coloring his tone.

"Nah that just something we made up when I came here" I explained "but I do have a brother"

* * *

**Edwards pov **

"Then why would you lie about your surname?" I asked perplexed.

She thought about that for a moment. Though I couldn't ear what her thoughts were I was able to decipher her expression. She was cautious, probably thinking carefully about her answer.

"Well…" she began, and then she bit her bottom lip. She was struggling. "Too personal" she said, and frowned at the table.

That was the last thing I wanted. To make her upset, behind the frown I could see the pain that my question had caused her. And I became mad with myself for my stupidity.

If I new her even one bit I knew that it would not be any better to tell her I was sorry if my question hurt her. She would want to pretend like it didn't happen, and that is exactly what I did.

"Alright" I said, instead of my previous serious tone it was now kind, wanting to make her felt better. Her frown softened a bit.

"Frankie isn't my brother either" she said quietly, never taking her eyes off the table.

That took me by surprise. "He isn't?"

How much did I truly know about Alex?

"Nah that's just something we made up when I came here" she said, and to my relief she seemed at ease again though she was still looking down at the table.

She then looked up, a slight smile lightening her features. "But I do have a brother" she said before I could ask anything else.

"he's with your parents?" I guessed, I kew her parents had supposedly died but maybe they had made that up too.

Another careless mistake. She frowned slightly. "no" she said. Though she was frowning it wasn't like the first frown. This one was more resigned, I think.

"my parents are dead" she clarified.

"I'm sorry" I said internally beating myself up.

"I was one year old when they died, so I don't really remember them" she said shrugging.

"My brother is in a witchcraft and wizardry school in England" she explained.

"England?" I asked

She smiled "that where I was born, it's where I grew up. And its were I came from months ago"

"You don't sound British" I commented

She laughed "yeah I never carried the accent, my brother, harry, teased me about that, saying I was a disgrace to British population" she had a faraway look in her face. Like she was remembering some distant memory. The thought made her smile, and it made me frustrated that I couldn't hear a thing coming from her head.

Harry? Could she possibly be talking about the same person that her 'brother' and that man –Sirius- had been talking about?

"There's a school of witchcraft and wizardry?" I asked, deeply engrossed into our conversation. I was aware that there were people staring but I wasn't paying attention to them or their minds and there was no chance that they could hear our converstaion.

"Yeah there are some schools" she said then she gave me a proud smile. "but if I may say so myself Hogwarts is by far the finest witchcraft and wizardry school" she said proudly. I grinned at her and she returned it with a beautiful crooked smile, breathtaking…. My thoughts weren't coherent at that moment….

"I am guessing Hogwarts is the name of your school?" I asked once I was able to make sense of my thoughts.

"Yes" she said

"So why did you leave the school?"

She thought for a while.

"Well… sometimes it good to take a break from it" she said

"Only to come to a different school?" I asked dubiously.

"Yeah"

I knew there was a reason behind her actions and I knew there was some story that she was keeping from me. A big part of her life. I knew she wouldn't tell me, she didn't trust me enough. I understood that but I would gain her trust. I won't push her into telling me, if she ever does tell me it will be because she decided to on her own, because she felt she was ready to tell me. I would wait for her.

Not wanting to make this uncomfortable for her, I stopped asking questions about her, and began asking more about her school. Though I ached to hear and learn more about this unusual beautiful creature sitting before me.

I had never heard her talk so much. And I loved it; I loved hearing her enthusiastic voice. It was so lovely that I had to keep focused on what she would say or else I would easily become distracted by her voice.

I didn't know if this love was a gift from Bella, or a gift from the devil himself to lead me to hell. But I knew that if this love _was_ a gift from hell, I would defy death just to be with her to keep her safe. If the devil was planning on using her to kill me I knew I wouldn't fall into the trap.

I could see how he could be using her. Every moment she was close to me she was at risk. And if ever I was to hurt her I would most definitely seek death. But I would never hurt her.

She finished explaining everything about her school just in time.

"Well you had nice timing" I said smiling at her. It still seemed unreal to me, how happy she made me. It was hard not to smile, not that i even tried. I stood up.

"Time to go back to our jail cells"

"Fun" she muttered as she got up.

"You still tired?" I asked as we began walking.

"Nope" she said calmly.

"So if you left the school then you're not learning magic anymore?" I asked her as we walked to her class at a safe distance from each other. It wouldn't be wise to put myself in more temptation.

"I'm still learning. The headmaster –Dumbledore- didn't want me to stop my magical education specially this year. So Frankie my 'brother' is teaching me"

"What do you mean by 'specially this year'?" we were almost at her classroom now.

"For a fifth year this is an important year. We take our test called O.W.L's. that means ordinary wizarding level, I believe, and they are supposedly really important and play a big part in deciding what your going to do for a living when you graduate. Not to mention that you have to study like mad to pass them. Do you have any idea how many time I have stayed up for hours studying?" she asked.

"Wow must be tough" I said it was easy to see how seriously she took them. She was responsible, and cared about her future.

"You have no idea" she muttered

We stopped just outside her class, when I had a sudden question. There was still a little bit of time.

"One more question before I go" I said and she turned to me giving me her full attention.

"At what age do you start out at Hogwarts?" I asked

She gave me a quizzical look

"It's usually at eleven, why?"

"And you're in your fifth year?" I asked

Understanding seemed to fill her eyes and she gave me a mischievous grin

"Yeeeessss" she said putting her hands behind her bad. Looking an awful lot like a mischievous five year old.

"Then how old are you?" I asked curiously

"Fiteeennn" she grinned rocking on her heels. And then she turned and went into the classroom before I could make sense of what she had said.

I walked to my classroom thinking about that. I guess it made sense; she didn't exactly look seventeen she looked to be more around fourteen or fifteen. She was a fifteen year old in a junior class. Not only that but she was also studying magic and preparing for her tests. Did she ever have free time?

Maybe she is working too hard. I thought as I took my seat next to Emmett in trigonometry .

_Busy mind? _he asked and I grinned at him.

_She's really interesting. Dude basically everything we knew about her was a lie. And we didn't know much to begin with. _

I see his point I felt the exact same way. I couldn't believe it. And I knew there was more about her that would most definitely shock us. I was ready for all of that.

_I like her, and she is hot! More power to you bro! _

I rolled my eyes at Emmett and directed my attention to the teacher who had started the lesson. I didn't pay attention the class at all. My mind was in Alex's history class. Well more like on Alex. I was surprised to see that many of the students were widely alert to her. Most of them males, I didn't like that. And the females that did pay any kind of attention to her only did so fleetingly. It was frustrating to have to see her trough the male's ungentlemanly thoughts. To have to endure their crude fantasies about her, it was infuriating

"Hey Alex" said Jason mcClenny, as he approached her desk at the end of class. I quickly turned to his thoughts as I got up to pack my stuff. His thoughts didn't help my mood. He was going to ask her out…and his ideas for a date were the most repugnant thing I had ever heard. It made me want to rip him to shreds for even thinking it.

"What do you want Jason?" she asked, clearly annoyed.

"I was thinking, you and-"

"No" she said bluntly

"No what?"

She didn't answer and just slung her messenger bag over her shoulder. She walked out of the classroom. I was now heading in her direction.

_You're not leaving so easily this time _that poor excuse for a man thought. And then he did the unthinkable. As she headed out of the classroom he grabbed her upper arm and pulled her around to face him.

That set me off and I ran as at an infuriating human speed towards her. My thoughts filled with venom.

I saw as her eyes flashed dangerously at him.

"Get you hands off of me" she said, furiously.

"You're not leaving so easily" he said pulling her closer to him. I could see Alex now; she winced as he tightened his hand around her arm.

"Get your hands off of her" I said as I pulled him away from her and slammed him against the wall. I didn't slam him hard enough for my taste because he was still alive. "if I ever see you come near her again, I will personally make sure that you die the most painful death ever" I threatened him, I let go of his shirt and he slumped against the wall. An audience had already formed around us.

I turned towards Alex, she was shaking with rage and her eyes were coal black. I walked towards her.

"Are you alright?" I asked her

"Yeah I just wish he wasn't" she said signaling to the animal that was still on the floor, looking shocked.

"Me too" I muttered angrily. I lightly placed my arm around her shoulders and led her to the biology classroom. I held my breath as she lightly leaned into me.

"Are you sure you're alright?" I said worriedly. What if he hurt her badly?

"Yeah…fatigue is catching up with me." she grinned up at me and I took a sharp intake of breath. Feeling as my throat burst into flames. At the moment it didn't bother me though, I was just glad she was unharmed.

"Thanks" she muttered as we continued walking, as she clung to my side and I still had my arm around her frail shoulders. I loved the feeling of having her close to me. She was so warm…

"your welcome" I responded " I better not see that…thing any where near you ever again" I growled, enraged at just the mere thought of it.

"yeah it would be a shame if I cursed him. I really don't want to spend the rest of my life in Azkaban just for jinxing some stupid fool"

"Azkaban?" I asked

"The wizard's prison, worst place you could be in" she said and shuddered. I wasn't sure if it was because of what she said or if it was because she was cold because of me.

We entered the classroom and she pulled away from me to sit on her seat. I felt empty when she released me. And I ached for the warmth.

"So" I said in a low voice, once we took our seats "you're fifteen?"

"Yup" she said perfectly content.

"Isn't it hard for you? I mean you have so much work on your hands and eleventh grade must be hard for you"

"I get along just fine" she said. "But yeah I'm really busy due to all that work, still that's good. It keeps my mind out of things I rather not think about. So I can't complain"

"Wow. So you say that the O.W.L's play a big part on what you are going to do for a living in the future?"

"Yeah" she said as she looked at the teacher.

"So what do you want to do for a living?" I asked curious on what her plans were for the future. Because she had a future, unlike me.

"I want to become an auror, a dark wizard catcher"

"Really?" I asked intrigued by her choice. She was brave.

"Yeah, another reason for why I really do have to pass the tests with good marks"

I wasn't able to ask her more seeing as how the class had begun. She wanted to be an auror. She wanted to catch dark wizards. So could that possibly mean she liked danger?

Well if she didn't like danger she sure did attract a lot of danger.

* * *

**alexs pov**

it took everything i had to not curse this boy. edward seemed just as angry, yeah an angry edward wasnt pleasant at all. we turned around and he put his arm around my shoulders and we started to walk towards the biology class. i couldnt help but lean into him, he was so warm and i was becoming so tired.

my arm hurt, and i kew that i would get a very nasty bruise. when we got to the biology class i let go of him to sit down. i felt so cold whe i let go of him, it gave me goosebumps

we talked un til the class started and then we walked together to the parking lot.

"wow" he said

"what?" i asked

"theres so much i dont know about you" he said incredulously

"yeah theres lots" i said. he might as well not know me at all.

i turned and walked towards my car. i looked over my shoulder and waved at him.

"see you tomorrow!" i called out. i just saw him nod.

* * *

**okay so how did i do?**

**what did you like? what didnt you like? waht could i improve on? etc **

**by the way if youre looking for other fanfics to read i suggest you read racing by _whizabeth_, broken by _liebe leben_, and my baby edward by _bellandedeward4evr _**

**_-_airali**


	14. supermassive black hole

**Alex's pov**

I didn't deserve a friend like Edward. I really don't know how I suddenly became lucky. I kept explaining him many things about the wizarding world to him and he was always so interested. I hadn't talked so much in the last couple of months as I had in this past week. I forgot all my worries and all my pains. He was my personal sanctuary, and I would find myself dreading going back home after school was over, because then it was when I had time to let my mind wander. There was no friend like Edward Cullen.

And yet I never dared to speak anything about my past or myself. I was afraid that if I did he would press for more information. He would ask questions, questions I wouldn't answer.

Still I only ever saw him in school I was always busy during the week and during the weekends, so that whatever little happiness I had when I was at school quickly evaporated when I got home.

It was now February 25 and I was stuck in snapes office in another occlumency lesson.

"Very well alex" said snape not sounding pleased at all.

"After all this time you finally managed to block your thoughts from me. Unlike your good for nothing brother" he sneered. I heard harry crack his knuckles angrily.

Not much had happened during the month. I found out that harry had gone out with Cho on a date on Valentines Day. He said it was a disaster seeing as how Cho began crying and got mad at him because he was meeting Hermione for this interview he had given. Yeah I was shocked when they said interview, he gave an interview to Rita skeeter, of all people, and it got published in the quibbler. At least that had been a success. It was so good that umbridge banned the magazine from school. Can that thing get any more demented? Ron hadn't been doing so well in quidditch though. Gryffindor lost the match against hufflepuff. On a brighter side Seamus had finally decided to believe us. On an interesting side both harry and I had, had a dream where we were voldemort and we talked to one of his death eaters. He was mad, apparently someone had informed him wrongly about bode being able to get 'it'. And then apparently another death eater Rookwood had given him the right information and put voldemort on track again. And if I thought about this dream again it still didn't make any sense. We still didn't know what exactly he was looking for to begin with. what was 'it' anyways?

"Potter" snape barked at harry. "Your turn" I took a step back as harry took a step forward.

Snape pointed his wand at harry and I prayed that he would be able to block his mind now.

Over the time we discovered that if harry couldn't block his mind then it would also affect me as it affected him. And vice versa, I guess it made sense, I mean there has always been this weird connection between him and I. if one of us is in trouble the other one can feel it. And if one of us is in pain the other one can also feel it. Funny how that works.

"_legilimens"_ said snape and right then and strings of memories filled my head. There was cedric and I at the Yule ball. That night at the graveyard, the day I told him I was a half vampire. Crashing into Edwards's car door. The door from my dreams.

And then it all stopped. I staggered back and hit the corner of a table with my back. I gasped and my eyes began watering with pain

"concentrate potter" snape said angrily. "if the dark lord invaded your mind not only do you become an easy target but so does your sister"

Yup I had to give it to him, he was right.

"don't you think I'm trying" harry spat at him.

"don't you" snape began but was cut off by a high pitched scream.

Without another word snape headed out of the office and we followed him. Outside there were tons of people gathering around and watching what was going on. Harry and I pushed through the crowd to get a better vey. Everyone was so into whatever was going on that no one noticed I was me.

Up front professor Trelawney was sobbing. There were many suitcases around her, and professor umbridge looked at her with a smug grin. That thing sacked her! How dare she?!

I mean I'm not a fan of professor Trelawney, but still umbridge couldn't sack her! Who was going to foresee my unfortunate death everytime they saw me!?

Well maybe I could do without the death part but still.

In the end professor Dumbledore came and said that professor Trelawney would stay at Hogwarts though she would not be teaching. Dumbledore had already found another teacher for divination. But that got me thinking, how would umbridge respond to this? Because she will do something to get back at Dumbledore I just know that.

* * *

"The only thing that soothes me right now is that she won't be teaching there next year." I said angrily to Edward as we sat in the cafeteria the next day. I told him that I had to go to extra classes since I had been doing bad in potions. It was lie of course but I could hardly tell him it was to learn how to close my mind, that would arise many questions for him, and Edward is awfully curious for his own good. Well we had that in common.

But anyways, I sat there across from him as I told him about what happened yesterday at Hogwarts.

"How do you know that?" he asked with curious golden eyes, talk about being curious.

"Well they say that the job of defense against the dark arts is haunted" I began explaining. Then he chuckled, people nowadays laugh without cause.

"I don't recall saying anything funny" I said sternly, he stopped chuckling but I could see the amusement clear in his eyes.

"Sorry, but did you seriously believe that Alex, that the job is haunted?" he said smiling gently at me.

"I see what you're getting at. But there is plenty of reason to believe that. It's a school of witchcraft in the first place."

His smile faded "true…I forget sometimes" he said apologetically.

"It happens to us humans" I said and he chuckled and I gave him a smile.

"Any other reasons for why that should be believed?" he asked.

"Yes, well for one, no teacher has ever lasted for more than one year in that job" I said.

"Really what happened to them?" he asked.

Okay this is where I had to be careful to not let anything slip. Only now was I realizing that harry and I were somehow involved in t he sacking of most teachers.

"Well to start the first teacher died"

"He died" he said looking at me like he couldn't believe it.

"He didn't die because the job was haunted…well…never mind point is he died" I said.

"If you know that he didn't die because the job was haunted then surely you must know why he died"

"You mister ask too many questions. He died end of discussion, moving on…" I took a deep breath "the second teacher had some severe damage in his head due to a spell gone wrong. He went crazy. The third teacher quit after it became known that he was a werewolf, you see many people believe it is dangerous to be near a werewolf, don't get me wrong it is but only in full moon other than that they are perfectly normal people. I don't know why people are so prejudiced against them. Anyway, parents would surely not be happy having a werewolf teaching their children. And the fourth teacher…well he turned out to be a crazy impostor."

"What do you mean 'a crazy impostor'" he asked in frustration.

"He was pretending to be someone else and in the end they found out. And well let's see what happens this year"

"Interesting…well let's hope she doesn't return then" he said with a smile. I smiled back and took a sip of my soda.

"Can I ask you something? Its personal and I don't know if you would feel comfortable" he said cautiously. I noticed in the past days that he was very cautious around me. Like he knew just how easily anything could hurt me. He had a good heart, he didn't mean me any harm, and I knew that. So it was no surprise that I felt so very safe when I was around him, I even felt safe from him. I trusted him wholeheartedly. And he really did want to know more about me, he demonstrated to me all the time how much he paid attention.

"Ask me but I can't guarantee that I'll answer" I said instantly cautious. There were two main reasons for why I didn't want to tell him anything about my life. One well I was ready to tell him. And second it was for the best that he stay out of my life, I don't want to drag him into my problems I don't want to put him in danger, because being so close to him was dangerous for him.

"Well you're parents died right?" he began and his tone was low and gentle.

"Correct" I said calmly trying to show him that I was alright.

"Well then where have you and your brother lived all your life?"

"after our parents died we were taken to our aunts home. She was my moms sister. She and her husband took us in, they have a son our age." I said

"that's nice of them" he said smiling.

Would have been nicer if they hadn't taken us in grudgingly.

"I guess" I responded picking my sandwich to pieces with my fingers.

"You guess?" he asked, I could feel his gaze on me and I still wouldn't look at him.

"Well they aren't the nicest people" I said

"You don't like them?"

I shook my head "neither does my brother. The feeling is mutual, they don't really like us either" I said

"Why not?" well this I could talk about

"The dursleys don't like the…abnormal, I guess you can say, so it's no surprise that they wouldn't like us. They dislike our kind"

"But how can they not like your kind I mean…your aunt grew up with a witch for a sister. Surely she must have been used to your type"

"Yeah well my aunt never liked my mom, because she was a witch. So that just adds another reason for why she doesn't like us. We are like the living memory of my mom, especially me since I look a lot like my mom" I looked up at him. He seemed disturbed he was glaring at the table.

"You alright?" I asked worriedly. He blinked a few times and then looked at me.

"Were they ever…unpleasant to you?"

I chuckled humorlessly.

"Well they certainly didn't act like we were family of them" I said with a cutting tone.

"But now your free from them right?" what was he getting at?

"I wish I have to go during summers. Thankfully I don't spend the whole summer over there. Usually we always leave early to the weasleys" he knew who they were.

"Oh" he said then he looked away, deep in thought.

"In other news I can't wait to see what Frankie has planned out for me today." I said getting up and slinging my messenger bag across my shoulder.

"I'm sure it's going to be really interesting" he said getting up as well and following me out of the cafeteria.

After school we were walking together towards the parking lot.

"uhm alex are you busy this weekend?" he asked me.

"nah my evaluation was last weekend" I said. Damn that meant a lot of studying this weekend.

"well would you like to come to my house on Saturday?" he asked.

If it meant staying near him then yes.

"sure at what time do you want me there?" I asked

"how about I pick you up?"

"works for me" I said as we stopped right next to our cars. They were parked next to each other.

"great so eleven all right for you or will you sleep in?" he smirked at me. I shoved him playfully.

"Even if I did sleep in it wouldn't be that late. Hell I'm awake at five in the morning, and that's on a good day."

He laughed and turned to open his car.

"So I'll see you tomorrow then" I said

"Actually the weather will be nice so I'm going to stay home"

"Ah sucks" I said feeling sad already. Damn so I was going to see him till Friday?

"So I'll see you Friday then?" I asked with hope.

"Sorry, it's rare when the weather is nice for so long, but it happens" he said giving me a sad smile. I pursed my lips, I couldn't say anything. I began fidgeting with my coat. Then I felt his warm hand under my chin, making me look up at him.

"Do you want me to go to your house tomorrow after school?" he said gently. I should feel uncomfortable at his closeness but I couldn't.

"If you wanna" I said looking down.

"Alright" he said. I moved in closer and enveloped him in a hug.

Hesitantly he wound his arms around my waist.

"You need to stop taking me by surprise like that" he whispered in my ear. "I'm still getting used to your scent. It could be dangerous."

I let go of him and took a step back.

"What's life without a risk?" I said seriously. Gave me a stern look and I turned and went to the other side of my car and got in. as I turned on the car I heard a tap on my window.

I rolled the window down without looking at him.

"Look at me" he said quietly. I just looked straight ahead.

I heard him sigh.

"I just want to protect you from me Alex. I didn't mean to hurt you with my words. Understand its dangerous." He pleaded. I could care less about how dangerous it was. What was danger to me anyways? I lived in danger.

"I know" I said sadly, sighing. "But I know you wouldn't hurt me"

He groaned "you trust me far too much"

"Then you should feel happy" I said with resentment as I revved the car.

"Bye Edward" I called out bluntly.

I knew he meant well, but still. I mean I wasn't going to see him for two days. I was going to miss him terribly. And he still expected me to not at least give him a hug?

I turned off the car once in the garage and then walked into the house. I walked into the kitchen and took an apple from the fruit basket. I sat on t he counter eating the apple. Just looking at the kitchen. Believe it or not I had never truly seen it. After a few minutes the doorbell rang.

I got off the counter and slowly made my way to the door. When I opened up I felt stone collide with me as Edward launched himself at me and enclosed me in a tight hug.

"I'm sorry alex I truly didn't want to hurt your feelings. I'm just scared that I might hurt you; I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. I'm not as strong as you think." I buried my head in the crook of his neck breathing in his sweet scent. I truly didn't deserve a friend like Edward.

"It's alright Edward. I was just sad; I mean I won't see you for two days. That's though to take in" I muttered my voice was muffled by his neck but I'm sure he could hear me.

"I know. I'm still sorry. And I am happy that you trust me. I just wish you wouldn't trust me on things like what I am."

"You can't do anything about it. And thanks for caring for me. Another reason to trust you" I said and he chuckled. He let go of me and I took a step back to look at him.

"Just help me out all right alex?"

"Does it hurt?" I asked him

"What?"

"Smelling me?"

He thought about this

"Yes" he sighed and gave me a guilty smile "but in a good way"

"I don't think I understand" I said.

"I'll explain it on Saturday" he said.

"Why Saturday?" I asked. Please don't tell me he's already leaving.

"Because the gives you something to look forward to" I grinned crookedly and I returned a crooked smile of my own.

"its going to be a long two days" I groaned.

He laughed.

"bye alex" he said walking out the door.

"bye Edward" I said "have fun"

"fat chance of that happening. I'm going to miss you"

"makes two of us" I said and then I watched him walk away to his car where his family awaited him with huge smiles. I got into the house once they drove away.

Well back to the hell hole. he was right now i had someting to look forward to on saturday.

* * *

**well next chapter will be very interesting**

**i'm already planning it out but it always works best when i just sit and write and let my imagination run free. **

**so i will now start typing the next chapter **

**i dont know how soon i will have it up but i hope its very soon. **

**leave reviews if you wish **

**-airali **


	15. the good left undone

**Alex's pov **

Thursday passed without incident. As he said Edward was there waiting for me in his car when I got home. He asked me how school had been but there wasn't anything to tell so that conversation ended fairly quickly. I just gave him a tour of the house and we walked around the garden for a while.

I was so glad to see him waiting there for me. As soon as I had caught sight of his serene face I felt like I was breathing for the first time in what seemed like hours. He was like a breath of fresh air to me….

Unfortunately he wasn't able to go on Friday. He was going hunting he told me. But on a brighter side Sirius visited. He was my teacher for the day and he taught me the day's lessons.

_"Sirius!" I said running over to hug him when I saw him coming out of the chimney. _

_"Hey shrimp!" he said hugging me. Then he held me at arm's length to look me over. _

_"You're looking better" he said grinning. _

_"Thanks" I said quietly. _

Everyone seemed to think so. Harry had told me the same thing not long ago. And Frankie had said it sometime last week while we had dinner. In truth I only felt I was getting better when I was with Edward. When I was out of school I felt just as bad as I always did.

* * *

It was now one in the morning and I couldn't sleep. i just wanted it to be eleven already. Finally I was able to sleep at three in the morning, only to wake up at around five thirty in the morning.

After I decide I wouldn't get any more sleep I got up and just played around with my guitar.

* * *

"Hey Frankie" I said as we made toast for breakfast.

"Yeah?" He said.

"What are you going to do today?" I asked.

"Actually I forgot to tell you that today there was a meeting with the order" he said.

"Oh will you be gone for a long time?"

"I think so why?" he asked looking over at me with questioning eyes.

"Well I was wondering if I could go over to a friend's house?" I said. He smiled happily at me.

"Of course you can when are you leaving?"

"At eleven. I was planning on spending most of the day over there" I explained.

"Perfect, that way I won't worry about you being here all alone"

"Yeah. When are you leaving?"

"Just as soon as I finish eating" he said taking his plate over to the table. I followed him there.

"In a hurry?" I asked seeing how he devoured his breakfast.

"I have to get there as soon as possible." He said in between bites. Then he drained his orange juice.

"Well I have to go" he said getting up.

"You don't mind me leaving right?" he said looking back at me.

"Nah I know you have to go" I said as I took a bite out of my toast.

"All right" he said kissing the top of my head.

And then he left. The silence was uncomfortable, and only seemed to get louder.

Only five minutes later I heard the doorbell ring. That couldn't be him could it? He said at eleven it was barely eight.

I walked over to the living room with the toast in my hand.

I opened the door to reveal Edward sheltered under the porch. The rain was pouring down in buckets. He gave me a crooked smile while I just stared at him with the toast in my hand and in my pajamas.

"You said eleven" I said.

"Something told me that it would be fun to come earlier. And it is, nice pj's" he said eyeing my dark grey flannel pants and my black long sleeved shirt.

"Why thank you. I like them too" I said standing back to let him in.

"Thanks" he said getting in. he took of his raincoat and I took it from him and hung it on the hangers.

"So did you come just to make fun of my pajamas or what?"

"Nah I just wanted to see you" should that bother me? If it should well that's too bad because it didn't bother me at all.

"At least I'm not the only one" I muttered and he chuckled.

"Sit" I ordered. He raised an eyebrow at me but still sat down.

"I'll be right back just let me get changed" I said. He nodded and I ran up the stairs.

I changed quickly not even bothering with my hair or eyes seeing as how I really didn't have to keep up pretenses with him.

I was finished changing and brushing my teeth in ten minutes.

I dashed down the stairs to see him sitting on the couch still as stone.

"It's not normal to be so still you know?" I said sitting next to him.

His serious face broke into a smile as I saw him come back to life.

"But I'm not exactly normal you know? Even as a vampire" he said

"I see your point" I said. He looked me over, Taking in my casual appearance.

"Nice" he said approvingly as I rolled my eyes. "But I like your red hair and green eyes better" he said looking at me.

"I like it too but this is what I look like" I said shrugging.

"Wait so you change appearance at will right?" he said.

"Correct, it's good to know you listen" I said.

"And this is what you really look like?" once again not sure what he was getting at.

"Well it's what I look like right now. Sometimes when something happens like some life changing event or just something that affects you deeply, my appearance changes. Naturally I have red hair and green eyes. like my mom." I added.

"Your mom must have been really pretty" he said smiling. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Want to see a picture of my parents?"I said getting up.

"Yeah" he said.

"Come" I said taking his hand and pulling him with me to my room.

As we walked into my room I let go of his hand and he sat at my bed while I looked through some drawers. Then I pulled out the red leather scrap book that hagrid had given harry and I on our first year.

"Here" I said handing it to him.

He opened it and smiled at what he saw.

"Your mom was beautiful" he said.

"Thanks" I said looking at the picture. My mom and dad smiled and waved at us.

"You do look a lot like her." He said not looking away from the picture.

"And my brother looks a lot like my dad too. Except his eyes, he has my mom's eyes." I said, turning the page to show him a picture of harry and I smiling and waving at the camera.

"Your right. How old were you here?"

"Eleven almost twelve" I said.

"I assume that is your uniform" he said looking at me.

"You assume correctly" I said.

"You look so different." he murmured looking back at the picture and running his long pale fingers over the picture.

"It's the hair and eyes" I indicated getting up and putting some books back on their shelves, as he continued to look through the pictures.

"And this one?" he asked. I turned to look at what he was talking about and saw him looking at the picture frame on my bedside table.

My throat went dry.

"Uhm" I said in a rough voice. He looked at me with worry.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked" he said putting the picture back on the bedside table.

"No…uhm…that was taken last year. At the Yule ball" I said quietly.

"Oh" he said.

For a few minutes we were quiet. Now he is sure that there is something seriously wrong with me.

"So you ready to go?" he asked suddenly behind me.

"Yeah" I said glad that the silence was over.

The drive to his house was quiet and short. Well about ten minutes away. Maybe less. As we made our way through the forest I watched the road remembering the way to his house, I would remember.

The house was massive; it was very nice and probably very old. But there was something about it the displayed such…grandeur. And it gave the feeling of protection.

"Your house is so…impressive" I said not able to say anything else regarding the big white house.

He gently laughed. "Thank you tell that to esme, she will love to hear that"

I smiled and then I realized that I would be meeting his parents. By the way he spoke of them I could see he loved them very much, and they sounded like nice people.

"I'll make sure to do that" I said as i followed him to the porch.

If I thought that the house was impressive from the outside then there were truly no words to describe the inside. I just loved it, it felt so very welcoming.

And there were Edwards parents sitting on the white couches. As soon as they saw us they got up and made their way towards us.

"Alex these are my parents Carlisle and Esme, mom dad this is Alex" he said gesturing with his hand.

"It's nice to finally meet you Alex, Edward has told us so much about you" said esme walking over to give me a hug.

"I've heard a lot about you too. Your home is very beautiful" I said sincerely.

"Thank you I'm glad you like it. You are welcomed here any time" she told me with a beautiful smile.

"Thank you" I said. I looked towards Edwards's father and he gave me a smile.

"Hello alex it's nice to finally meet you" he gave me a hand and I took it.

"It's nice to finally meet you too dr. Cullen" I said.

"Call me Carlisle"

"Carlisle" I said nodding. Both of them were as stunning as their children.

"Alex" I heard a booming voice that made me jump. I looked to see Emmett walking down the stairs and holding Rosalie's hand.

"Hello Emmett" I said.

"Hey!" he said walking towards me and enveloping me into a tight hug.

"Cant…" I gasped unable to talk.

"Emmett!" Edward shouted and immediately I felt Emmett's grip on me loosen and my feet found the floor.

"Sorry I forget" he said but he was grinning.

"It's understandable" I said weakly. I looked at Edward and he was glaring at Emmett.

"Hello alex" said Rosalie and I turned towards her.

"Hello Rosalie" I said shaking her hand.

"Hi Alex!" said a chiming voice. Then I felt someone hug me.

"Hi Alice" I said smiling as she let go of me. She was just a few inches taller than me.

"It's so good that you finally came, you have made us wait for too long" we all chuckled at Alice's excitement.

"Hello jasper" I said shaking his hand

"Hi alex how are you"

"Meh okay I guess" I said shrugging.

"Alright then I will now take her away…give her a tour of the house" Edward said.

"Fine just don't steal her for the whole day. We want to get to know her too" esme said.

"Alright mom" Edward said. He took my hand and showed me all around the house.

"And this is my room" he said as he opened the door.

It was really nice and very big.

"Its nice" I said and then I saw the glass wall. I'm guessing the whole side of the house had glass. The view was beautiful

"Thanks…it has a nice view" he offered.

"Yes it really does" I murmured not taking my eyes away from the breathtaking view. Edward came to my side and stared at the forest as well. After a while I turned away to inspect his room.

"I'm guessing you really like music" I said as I looked through the many cd's he had everything.

"Yeah I do. It's very relaxing"

"Yeah it is"

I sat at the edge of his bed and looked around.

"I really do like the house" I said to him as he sat at next to me. "It gives this feeling of protection…."

"Thanks it's been here for so long…when we came back we made a few changes fixed a few things but it has stayed pretty much the same for a hundred years"

"Wow" I said. Then I looked at him. He had a peculiar look that I just can't describe.

"So are you going to tell me" I said looking for something to talk about. His gaze suddenly became questioning.

"Tell you what?"

"How my smell affects you" I said.

He took a deep breath. This wasn't something he would like to talk about, that much I could see.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to" I said looking away. I felt his warm hand on my cheek as he turned my head to face him. He seemed to be deciding something.

"We hunt on animals, but the temptation of human blood is always greater, harder to resist. My family and I…we manage the thirst; we have grown used to it. Animal's blood doesn't really quench the thirst…but it keeps us strong. But your smell-to me- it's maddening. It's hard to ignore, other humans blood is nothing to me compared to yours. That's first day I saw you, if I didn't live the way I do, if I hadn't preyed on animals for the past two hundred years, I would have killed you right there in that instant. Even then I could have slipped. It was one of the reasons for why I left the classroom that day. Your smell makes my throat burn like no other scent has ever done. Even after all the time I have spent with you I am still getting used to it. If I let my guard down for one second I could easily kill you" he was talking so fast, like he must wanted to get this conversation over with.

"Do I smell like this only to you?"

"Yes, luckily, any other vampire would have killed you if you smelled the same way to them."

"But why do I smell this way to you?"

"No one exactly knows but it could happen to any vampire. They call it La tua cantate. Because your blood sings to me" he said smiling.

"Can it happen more than once?"

He was quiet for a few seconds before answering "yes" he said.

"Has it happened to you before?"

"Yes only one other time, but the smell wasn't as strong as yours"

It was mere curiosity what made me ask "and what happened?" and I regretted it. As soon as I asked that his face turned dark.

"She died" he said bluntly.

"Oh" I said and didn't ask anything else. I was quiet.

Did it hurt him to know he had killed her?

"Alex look at me" he said slowly I turned to look at him his eyes were fearful.

"I won't ever hurt you" he whispered. I leaned towards him and hugged him.

I looked up at him "I know" I whispered. As he looked at me his gaze went soft and he began to lean In. I was frozen. What was he doing? His lips were inches almost grazing mines when I realized that I couldn't let this happen. All of this had to stop. I leaned back just a bit, but it was all it took for him to stop. I turned my face away from him.

"I'm sorry" I whispered in a shaky voice. "But I can't let this happen…it's not right. Edward…I don't feel the same way" I didn't dare look at his face; I wouldn't be able to take what I would see. Why did I let it come to this?

"It's alright alex. I understand" he said.

Liar, how could he understand if he didn't know my reasons?

"I have to go" I said getting up and hastily making my way to the door.

"Alex" he said suddenly in front of me "I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you or hurt you, believe me I-"

"I know Edward…I just didn't expect that. Can you take me home?" I said looking down at the floor.

"Of course" he said. His voice made me hurt, he sounded hurt and sad. That was the last thing I wanted to do. But I knew that the damage was already done. We walked in silence down the stairs where the whole family was. they heard, I knew.

"Bye alex" they all said but the tone was sad.

"Bye" I said not looking at any of them. I felt shame for what I had just done. I truly didn't deserve to live. This just showed me more how much of a monster I really am.

The ride to my house was very quiet. Sorrow hanging in the air, suffocating me.

He parked the car and turned off the engine.

"Thanks" I whispered and made to get out of the car.

"Alex" he said grabbing my hand to stop me. And then I was reminded of when I had done the same thing, wanting to make sure that he would still be my friend. It was that same desperate tone I had used and it stabbed me deep in the heart, just wounding me more than I was. It was a wound that would never heal, would never scar.

"I'm sorry I really am" he desperately said. I would have thought he was on the verge of tears but I knew he couldn't cry.

"Edward this has to stop. I can't be your friend anymore" I whispered. I couldn't hurt him anymore.

"Alex please don't say that" please don't make this harder for me.

"It's not fair for you Edward" I said

"Alex what you're doing isn't fair"

"Edward I just want to…save you from what I am from my world from my problems…from me" I said looking straight ahead at the road.

"Has it occurred to you that I don't want to be saved? I just want your friendship Alex"

"You wouldn't want my friendship if you really knew me Edward. You don't know what I have done. But if you knew you wouldn't want my friendship"

"That's not true…but I do want to know you. Why won't you let me?"

"Because I'm afraid" I whispered

"what are you afraid of?" he breathed as he took my face in his hands and forced me to look at him"

"I'm afraid of you rejecting me, I'm afraid of hurting you, I'm afraid of putting you in danger, I'm afraid of having to tell my story…"

"I don't want you to be afraid Alex. I-"

"Edward please help me out don't make this harder for me. Let me do something good for you. Let me rid you of me. I'm no good for you Edward, I can't be repaired I can't ever be happy or be what you want me to be. There's so much I can't do for you and you don't deserve that"

"What could you have possibly done alex to think like this" he said furiously. "Alex you don't know what it is to have committed a sin. You don't know what it is to have truly done something horrible. You're just starting to live Alex you haven't seen anything of life. I've seen two hundred years of it. _I_ have seen much more"

"You can't say that Edward. You don't know me nor will you ever know me. So just forget about me. Forget I ever came into your life; don't become pained because of me I'm not worth it at all. I hope you have a good…existence and when I see you at school I won't bother you at all. I'll be just another human to you."

"You can believe that if you want but I can't"

"Bye Edward" I said opening the door.

"Don't leave me" he said in a shaky voice. "I need you"

I got out of the car and ran over to the porch where I was sheltered from the rain. I opened the door of the house. As I turned I saw Edwards and I will never forget that face. He looked like a burning man the suffering was clear in his eyes. I knew that no human could go through what he was going, because they would die. Seeing at his face I knew that I was far from going to heaven when I died. But I knew that I deserved to go to hell. I truly deserved the pain I was getting. Suddenly death seemed much closer than I had anticipated it.

* * *

**all right i'm already writing the next chapter! **

**-airali**


	16. hate me

**Edwards pov **

No, no, no, NO! What have I done? I just ruined everything!

"You can't say that Edward" she said in a cold voice. "You don't know me nor will you ever know me. So just forget about me. Forget I ever came into your life, don't become pained because of me, I'm not worth it at all. I hope you have a good…existence and when I see you at school I won't bother you at all. I'll be just another human to you." Does she know what she is asking me? Is she thinking any of this in her head? No she's not. If she was she would have known that what she was saying made no sense.

I would never see her as just another human. I will never forget her because she _is _worth it. And her leaving me _will_ hurt me; it already is hurting me with just those words.

"You can believe that but I can't" I told her in a very quiet voice. i couldn't find it in me to raise my voice. She was going to leave, I ruined everything.

"Bye Edward" she whispered as she opened the door. Her face showed no emotion and her eyes were coal black.

"Don't leave me" I said and my voice shook in fear, she was going to leave me I lost even the friendship I had with her. "I need you" I whispered. As she turned around her eyes glazed over giving her that dead look I knew only too well. She didn't say anything else. She just got out of the car and gracefully made her way to the house. Leaving only her sweet scent to taunt me.

_Please don't leave me not you too. _I wanted to run to her and not let her go. But I couldn't do that, she needed her space, I had to respect her wishes. And though she was leaving for all the wrong reasons I had to admit that it was good she left, well good for her anyway. She was safer this way.

She turned to close the door, but her eyes strayed towards mines, her eyes were pleading and then they went cold. She closed the door and I knew that she meant what she said. She didn't want to be even my friend anymore, though I felt like she had been lying when she gave me her reasons for wanting this to end.

I don't know how I found it in me to be able to drive but suddenly I was already getting out of my car and heading towards my house.

As I walked through the doors I was embraced by soft gentle arms. I hugged my mother back and buried my her in her shoulder.

"she hates me" I whispered to her.

"no she doesn't, she's confused that's all" she said soothingly

"no she's scared and she hates me that why she left, and I ruined I did this it is all my fault" I hugged her back tightly. I sought for comfort but I couldn't be comforted. No one could make me feel better. Only Alex had that power.

"Edward what makes you think she hates you?" Alice said quietly.

"I shouldn't have done what I did, I knew she didn't feel the same way and I still did it."

I didn't realize that I was being guided to my room. It was like my whole body had gone numb. Soon enough I was sitting on my bed with my whole family around me. Their thoughts furious, worried, and sad.

"You did nothing wrong Edward" Rosalie hissed. "its her problem if she is stupid enough to let you go"

"How can you say I did nothing wrong?!" I bellowed at her. "I knew she didn't feel the same way and I still went t ahead and tried to kiss her. I should have known better!"

She glared at me; I could care less I've lived for two centuries getting friendlier with that glare.

"Dude she's just trying to make you feel better!" Emmett said sounding a little bit angry.

"Well calling her stupid won't make me feel better!"

Seeing as how he wasn't able to control my feelings, jasper walked out trying to rid himself of my emotions.

"Edward calm down" Carlisle said softly. I looked up at him and he put a hand on my shoulder.

"Son nothing is as easy as it looks. But things will work out in the end. If she truly is the one for you things will work out. Give her time; she may just be overwhelmed by what happened maybe something is happening to her that is making her react like this. She seems to be going through a hard time as well."

No I knew what I had to do. I had to leave her alone; it was probably the best for her. I had to keep her from having the same fate as Bella.

Was this what it felt like to Bella when I left her?

"Maybe it's for the best" I said quietly. "I don't want to ruin her life like I did with Bella."

"She seems to have the same thoughts" Alice said, she had no doubt seen my conversation with Alex. "Her reasons indicate that, though I can't imagine why she thinks she is putting you in danger, she seems harmless"

"I'm going hunting" I said getting up.

"You just went yesterday" Emmett said.

"I just need to get my mind cleared" I lied.

_Your not going hunting_ Alice said.

Of course she was right. Alex was the only thing in my mind. Maybe I could be her friend but it doesn't mean I couldn't make sure she was safe from afar.

I sat on a tree branch watching her as she paced around her room. I watched as she threw things around the room in fury. I wanted to go in there and make it better but she wouldn't appreciate that.

Her scent lingered in my clothes and I breathed her in. appreciating the burn that was ripping in my throat. It was a small comfort to know I had finally mastered the pain. It was the only thing that could comfort me now, even if it was just a little bit.

I turned my attention back to her just as she grabbed her hair in frustration and let out an earsplitting scream, just as she screamed the French doors of the balcony cracked and then exploded into a million pieces.

I almost gave in and went towards her.

"I'm the worst excuse for…anything!" she shouted "a good for nothing bastard!"

She walked towards the balcony she looked up at the sky her face getting drenched with rain.

"I know I'm doing the right thing" she whispered. She sat on the edge and swung her legs over the balconies border. She wouldn't dare would she?

She just sat there still. I was tense, ready to catch her when she fell.

She was completely still, much like that time when she was in her car. She was as still as a statue, she even seemed lifeless.

There was so much conflict going on in her gaze. And all I could do was stay here and wonder what she was thinking. Because she gave nothing away, nothing to even let me imagine what she could be thinking.

She closed her eyes after a while and let out an involuntary shiver. She was dripping with water and she was paler than ever her skin translucent. It was hard to believe that just a few hours ago she had been looking…healthier, much healthier.

I faintly heard her soft sigh. And through the rain I heard her soft whisper.

"Not today Alex" she said softly to herself.

"Not ever Alex" I whispered just as softly. I couldn't let her throw her life away like that.

She swung her legs over to the balcony and hopped to the floor. The rain was calming down. I watched as she began to clean up the room. Picking up everything she had thrown around and putting it back into its place. She moved through the room quietly mumbling to herself, but it sounded to me like she was very silently singing.

She was done fairly quickly. She walked over to her bedside table and took her wand. She walked back to the balcony and then turned around and pointed her wand at the pieces of glass on the floor.

"_Reparo_" she murmured and the glass pieces all flew back together and into the door frame. With nothing to indicate that the doors had ever been shattered.

She walked back to the balcony's border and stood on top of it and then took hold of the thick tree branch. I jumped off the tree from where I had been watching her. To be ready in case she fell.

But she was able to manage by herself. Very soon she was sitting on another tree branch. She looked down at the ground and took a deep breath.

"I could have easily gone out the door." she scolded herself. And I could help the soft chuckle that escaped me. Luckily I was too far away for her to hear me.

Very slowly she made her way down the tree. Then I remembered she didn't seem to like trees.

Once her feet were on the ground she set off towards the woods. Right towards me, though she didn't know that.

Quickly I walked away from where I was and hid behind a big tree.

She walked around aimlessly, I could see. I followed silently behind her smelling her as I went enjoying how much it hurt. She seemed to feel someone else's presence. Many times she turned around and looked around expecting to find someone. Her grip on her wand never loosened.

We walked for hours nonstop. It surprised me that she wasn't at all tired. She was human after all, but she never showed any sign of wanting to stop. We were very deep in the woods now. I trusted that no one in my family was out hunting, they had already gone with me yesterday. Nevertheless I watched out checking to see if I heard any thoughts that weren't mine. But Alex and I seemed to be the only ones in here. I didn't even hear any animals.

It was around four in the afternoon when she finally stopped walking. I had been walking a far distance behind her when she disappeared through some bushes. I decided to climb the nearest tree, that way I wouldn't make any noise by walking through the bushes.

Once I was situated in a branch I saw where she had come. I was surprised I had never come across here. It seemed like a small meadow not quite like the meadow I liked to go to. It was more beautiful. There were only a couple of trees in it. Then there was a stream I could see the water was crystal clear, but with the very little light the came through the green forest it made the stream get a green and blue color. It was a beautiful sight. Like a small Eden garden. The sound of the water sent waves of calm through me.

She liked this place to I presume. She sat down on the edge of the stream. Pulling her knees up to her chest, and placing her chin on her knees. She slowly extended her hand and plunged it into the water. I couldn't see her face, which deeply bothered me. But she continued playing with the water unaware of my presence.

Of course this had to happen. She wasn't meant for me. I could never deserve such perfection as her. I didn't deserve anything. And she deserved everything, especially someone good enough for her, good enough to love her. But was anything good enough for her? No, no man could ever be good enough for such a goddess. But she deserved the best there was. But that wasn't me, it would never be me. But I would always be with her, in a sense. I would always watch out for her from the sidelines, and I will be happy for her.

It was dark already when she got up and headed home. It was much too dark for any human to be able to see.

"_lumos_" I heard her say and then her wand tip lit up. Giving her enough light to make her way back home.

I would have thought she would have gotten lost, but she was able to find her way back home without any trouble. In three hours she was already back home.

It was about nine now. Almost ten when she finally made it through her door step.

"frankie?" she croaked out.

I heard thundering footsteps.

"where the hell were you Alexandra!" I heard frank bellow. He had been dead worried. Her thoughts indicated that. Though it made me mad to hear him scream at her like that, I couldn't blame him. What she did was irresponsible and he had truly been frightened for her.

I saw her from frank's mind she seemed perfectly calm.

" I was out walking around in the forest" she said quietly and then shrugging.

Frank assessed her appearance.

_Please tell me this isn't happening again. she seemed to be getting better. _

He definitely noticed that something was once again wrong with her. She seemed so hollow, once more.

"alex do you have any idea how worried I was? I almost called over the whole order to look for you! I was out all around town looking for you!"

"I don't see why you would need to have the order come looking for me. Besides its not like it really matters of voldemort comes for me." She said bluntly.

Voldemort?

"May be you don't care but _we_ do melodie"

"voldemort really is the last of my worries" she sneered. What was going on with her? Never had I seen her be so…rude.

"Alex what you did was irresponsible" he said ignoring what she had said. "You know it was-"

"Wrong?!" she said cutting him off. Using that mocking tone in an ice cold voice. "Yeah maybe it was so what?! I could care less right now. You know I can't always be doing the right thing. Come to think about I have never done the right things. Why do you care if I'm home late? Why do you care if something bad happens to me? It doesn't matter! If it doesn't matter to me why should it matter to you or anyone else? Just leave me alone!" she screamed the last sentence at him and then made to go up the stairs.

"alex wait" he said grabbing her by the arm.

"what?" she said pulling away from his grasp.

"whats going on? you seemed in a good mood in the morning" he said calmly.

"well good things never last…trust me I know. Don't worry about whats wrong with me. Theres always been something wrong with me and its no different right now"

"you know why I care about you alex? Because I love you as if you were family. I knew your parents alex and I promised as well as other people did, that we would always look after you one way or another"

"well don't. I'm not worth it, harry is, but I'm not"

"you know alex you think too little of yourself" he said shaking his head

"no Frankie. You guys just think too much of me. And you know despite all the mistakes I have done, in the end I'm not the one whose wrong about myself. You guys are the one wring about me" she walked away then.

_When will her pain end? She really doesn't deserve this. That hate she has for herself…its going to kill her. _

His mental voice showed despair. Much like how I felt as I heard him think that.

I went around the house to the backyard again. I saw alex in her room her face buried in a textbook and taking notes.

It was like that for almost the whole night. That worried me, I knew she had not slept much last night and she didn't sleep much tonight either.

I didn't go into her room while she slept. She wouldn't sleep long today, I could tell, and I couldn't risk being caught.

She truly did loathe herself. She was determined to be unhappy it seemed. And I was determined to make her happy. But that was hard if I couldn't really be near her. Besides I wasn't the one to make her happy. Yeah she had been content when she was with me, but she was never truly happy. All I could do was helplessly watch her.

And I couldn't leave her. No that was impossible for me now. I wasn't strong enough to leave her, ever. There's a point we pass from which we can't return and I had already passed that point. Because of that I could turn my back on her and find the will to leave.

* * *

**aww poor edward **

**next chapter is in alexs pov **

**by the way i need help to come up with a good summary for this story so if you have any suggestions please tell me**

**:)**

**-airali**


	17. you found me

**alexs pov **

I was the most wretched thing in this world. Not even when I did the right thing was I able to keep people from being hurt.

I rarely talked to Frankie anymore. I was so ashamed of what I had said. I had been beyond rude. I should be thankful he is even putting up with me.

On Sunday I refused to leave my room and kept up the rudeness with him. I think he got mad when I wouldn't go to dinner. I hadn't eaten anything since Saturday morning. Oddly enough that never bothered my stomach. I think it might be related to the whole half vampire situation. The point is he got Sirius and even Harry to come and try to get me out of my room the calm way.

The calm way didn't work so Sirius just went downstairs while harry and I talked. still he wasn't able to make me eat, or really open up to him.

Edward was all that was on my mind that weekend. And let me tell you that took away from my studying time. I could care less though; I couldn't bring myself to care since the pain was eating me inside. Luckily we never moved on to the difficult way. And I still didn't get out of my room.

Monday at school was the worst. I purposefully got late to school so I would not have to run into him or any of his family.

Now my only question was…how was it that before, Edward and I never seemed to cross each other's paths until lunch, and now I saw him during the changing of classes all the time?

Everytime I saw him in the hallway I just lost myself in the crowd. I knew he could still see me, but I don't think he would attempt to go towards me in the crowd. And I didn't even go into the cafeteria anymore. I would stay in my car listening to music. I truly was the perfect definition for a coward. I tried getting my biology teacher to move me from that seat but he didn't like me enough to do so. So I was stuck for a whole hour every day sitting next to him. He tried to talk to me on Monday but I just ignored him. He didn't try again, good for him bad for me. Life couldn't get any more miserable could it?

yeah it probably could...for me anyway.

Unfortunately I had made that grave mistake of getting too attached to him, now we were both suffering the consequences. I mean I didn't care about me; I deserved what I was getting and more. It was Edward who worried me.

The few times I did observe him (while he wasn't watching) I saw him paler than what was normal for him, and the dark shadows under his eyes seemed like bruises. They had a…well nasty purplish color. He wasn't feeding regularly, I knew that by just looking at his eyes. And he was always so still. Like he was made of stone, he might as well not be in the room at all. way to pretend to be normal edward.

Still i shouldnt remember that _I_ did that to him.

That was all I noticed, heaven knows how much damage I had caused.

That Monday I apologized to Frankie....

"I just don't understand what is wrong now" he said once I had apologized.

"it's always been the same reason Frankie" I lied.

"it seemed like you were getting better" he said shaking his head.

"No it's not getting better. If anything it's getting worse" I admitted.

"I know what your answer will be but I have to ask" he said leaning forward on the table and putting his hand on mines which was resting on the table. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Actually you _can_ do something. Please don't get paranoid like Saturday. I really do need space, and I just want to get away from everything sometimes."

"You're asking for too much. How can you expect me to not freak out? Yes were far away from voldemort but that doesn't mean you're out of danger. How about we do this, you can go wherever you want but you have to be home by eleven."

"Okay that sounds fair" I said.

"and you have to take this" he said and he pulled out a brand new iphone from his pocket.

"So you've been thinking about this huh?" I said with a humorless chuckle.

"yeah I figured it would be better if you had a fast way to communicate with me. Like it?"

"Yeah…thanks…for everything you've done for me. It really was wrong of me to speak to you like I did Saturday"

"It's alright let's just forget about that" he said with a smile. I leaned over and hugged him.

* * *

In that week the students at Hogwarts had also been introduced to the new divination teacher. To my surprise I found out that Firenze was the new teacher. He was the centaur that saved harry and I from voldemort in our first year at Hogwarts. Though teaching at Hogwarts came with a price. It seems like he had been banned from the forbidden forest by the other centaurs.

The week was beyond painful. Whenever I did have time, I spent it at the stream I had found on Saturday. There was such a charm about it. it was beautiful and I just loved it, it was a nice place to be at when I wanted to just let my thoughts run free. It calmed me and made me…numb.

And so February ended.

**Edwards pov **

She had me going crazy on Sunday. I watched her all day long and watched as she refused to go to breakfast. Frank let it pass and the whole day she was locked up in her room. However it wasn't so easy for him to let it go when it was time for dinner. He asked for her to come down and eat something. She hadn't eaten anything since yesterday in the morning. When she made it very clear that she wasn't going to eat, I saw as he left through the fireplace. I can only imagine what my expression must have been when I saw him being eaten by the emerald flames. Minutes later he was back, followed by that same man that he had been talking to when I had eavesdropped on them. Sirius. What connection this man had to Alex, I did not know. She had never gone into details about her life,which didn't surprise me at all, but it did bother me.

A few minutes later a boy appeared at the fire as well. He was a tall, skinny bespectacled boy. He seemed to be around 14 and 15. His head was covered by a mop of unruly jet black hair that stuck out the back.

I had seen this boy before. In a picture that Alex had shown me. This was Alex's twin brother, Harry. As I saw him I noticed a couple similarities between them. Like their eyes, it was the most noticeable trait between them. They were that same brilliant shade of green I had seen in pictures of her. The same almond shaped eyes, though Alex's were a bit bigger. Right now though the shade of green Alex had was nowhere near the shade they had once been. The old green they used to be was more amazing by far. I could see that as I looked into her brothers eyes. They had the same small, delicate, pointed nose. The same long and absurdly dark eyelashes. But something that really caught my attention was the behind his bangs a small lightning shaped scar was on the left side of his forehead, Identical to Alex's. That was strange. All in all he was a good looking boy I suppose. He looked much more grown than I had seen him in the pictures. As he talked to frank and Sirius I noticed that I couldn't hear anything coming from his mind either. The third person whose mind I could not read. I was getting the feeling that maybe it wasn't them, maybe it was just me. It was unlikely but this was so strange. His facial expressions were much easier to read than Alex's though. He wasn't as guarded as she was. The worry for his sister was clearly displayed on his face.

His bond with alex was clearly very strong. He and Sirius both attempted to make her eat something, and to get her to talk to them. She was very stubborn. And in the end sirus left the room to give her and harry some privacy.

"Mel…what's wrong?" he gently asked. She shook her head looking away. if only I had just left her alone she wouldn't be going through this.

"Melody…we've always been close…you're the only family I have left. You and Sirius. But you're my sister we have always been there for each other, we have always been close. We have always told each other everything. Why can't you tell me now? Since that incident in June…we grew very distant. You barely talk to me. I miss my sister Alex. I want my sister back. i need my sister." His voice trembled as he said the last sentence.

"oh harry" she whispered. He scooted closer to her and hugged her as she buried her head in his chest.

"I'm sorry. I should know that all of this hasn't only affected me but you too. I never think of anyone but me. I'm so fucking selfish."

"You really don't know yourself at all alex" he said shaking his head incredulously.

"I've done so many bad things harry. You have no idea how much I hate myself. All the pain it's just in me mocking me. I'm hurting so many people."

"Alex you have to understand that like it or not you can't always keep everyone happy. Yes it makes us sad to see what you're going through but we understand that everything that's happening is hard for you. You most certainly aren't selfish. We all love you alex and were here for you no matter what."

"I'm sorry for keeping you away. but I can't help it." she whispered.

I wasn't the only cause for her pain. But it still killed me to know that I was causing her further pain. It surprised me that the way she felt about herself was the exact same way I have always felt about myself. But what was her reason?

* * *

On Monday it finally seemed to sink in that she had meant what she had said on Saturday. And even though I knew that she didn't want to know anything about me anymore I couldn't keep from making my presence known to her. I would purposefully find myself in the same hallway as her when we changed classes. She noticed obviously, and whenever she saw me she tried to blend into the crowd. But what she didn't know was that no matter how much she hid amongst the humans, she would never get lost in my eyes. In my eyes she would always be the only person in that hallway. She could never get lost.

The week passed in the same fashion. And I was always there hidden in the forest but still stalking her. Where had my had all my dignity gone? This was against all my morals. Never would I have had such indecency two hundred years ago. Yes I was ashamed of myself, but my pain clouded my shame.

And so the rest of the month passed. My family was utterly worried about me. More to add to my anguish. Why was it that it was always me that cause my family sadness and pain?

I watched as alex once again became the same girl I had met. Her skin turned to that same unnatural pale color that almost seemed gray. Her bones were more noticeable than before. On the very last day of February she passed out. What angered me was that frank didn't even take her to the hospital. Though she was glad he hadn't. But he did force her to eat a large meal.

"alex if this happens one more time I will take you to Dumbledore so he can examine you and tell me if I should take you to st. mungos." He warned her. To which she mutely agreed.

Every weekend she would take her bag filled with her Hogwarts school books and she would go to that stream she had found. She enjoyed it, and then she would study for a while then seemed to give up on it.

She wouldn't get any better. I realized that when she fainted. They say time heals all wounds, but this didn't seem to be the case with her. Maybe it did but sometimes we just can't heal all on our own. I know I wasn't able to do it on my own; Alex helped me to heal from that wound. I wanted to help her too and I would. I had already set my mind. I would help her even if it was just as a friend. I just had to find the right time to step in.

**Alex's pov**

It was the middle of march and nothing seemed to get better.

"you should consider going on to teach them about patronuses" I told harry just as I followed him to the common room. I had come for my evaluation and was staying for the weekend. I had just helped him in the lesson for the D.A. they were doing real well.

"I reckon your right. Would you help me though?" he asked.

"Sure just make sure to make the next lesson on the weekend"

"Perfect" he said smiling at me. I gave back a weak one.

That night as I lay in my bed in the girl's dormitory I heard Hermione call me. I thought all of the girls were asleep.

"Yes Hermione?" I said

"Something else is hurting you. It's not just what happened in June anymore." It wasn't a question.

"What makes you think that?"

"You seemed to be doing just a bit better. And then all of that just crumbled. And you got even worse if possible. What's hurting you now?" I felt her sit at the foot of my bed and I sat up.

"Never you mind Hermione. It's the same reason but…I don't know. Their wrong. I don't think time really does heal wounds. It only seems to open more in me."

"Do you want to talk about it?" she said. She meant well but it irritated me that she asked that.

"No I don't" I said bluntly.

"If ever you feel like you want to talk remember that there's plenty of people around you ready to listen to you"

_But there not the one's I want to talk to. _

"Thank you Hermione" I whispered and I leaned over and hugged her and she did the same.

* * *

It was Wednesday and I sat in my car during lunch listening to some cd. The soft melody of the piano was soothing.

A sharp tapping on the window brought me back from wherever it is I had been. I turned my head towards the window and saw none other than alice Cullen standing there. She went around the car and got into the passengers seat. She turned towards me, and gave me a pleasant smile.

"Hello alex" she said, her tone matching her smile. But her eyes they were dead serious.

"Alice" I said and nodded in her direction.

"I took my chance to talk to you since Edward is away hunting." She began. I grimaced at the sound of his name. "He would have never allowed me to come near you. Something about leaving you alone…" she said obvious disapproval I her voice. And anyways what was he? Her father?

"Anyway" she continued "I'm worried about him. He's so depressed Alex. Your decision isn't doing him any good."

"What exactly do you want from me?" I said looking through the windshield.

"I want you to be friends with him again. This isn't doing any of you any good"

"It doesn't matter if it's not doing me any good Alice."

"But what about Edward? Are you thinking about him? You might think I'm overreacting but he needs you Alex? I mean it. He was already depressed before you came. And once you arrived he changed. And now he misses you he won't talk to any of us." Her tone was pleading and anguished. Great thanks to me the whole family was suffering.

"Alice if you knew about me you wouldn't be asking me to be your brother's friend again. Alice I don't want to put you guys in danger. Because if anything happens to Edward…I won't stand that Alice. Please can't you understand that?"

"No because I don't know how you could put us in danger. We are really strong Alex. Were hardly in danger of anything."

"but so are they" I whispered. Of course she didn't know who _they_ were. "In ways you can't imagine. And that is what frightens me. It's not fair to you guys. I don't want to drag you into my problems"

"Alex together were strong we won't let any of our family be hurt. Rest assured that none of us will be hurt but please give something in return. Just be his friend Alex. Or are there any other reasons for why you don't want to be his friend?"

"Alice it's not fair to him. I can't…what happened up in his room…I don't want to lead him on. I can't give him what he's searching for…I just can't."

"He doesn't care alex. He just wants you to be he's friend. He wants to be close to you." She said in a quiet voice.

"But that's not right" I argued "it's not fair for him I can't do that to him"

"What you are doing is not right for either of you. Think about that." She said gently. Then there was a gust of air and the quiet sound of the door closing, and then I was all alone.

I couldn't do what she asked me. Nothing good would come out of it. As sorry as I was I couldn't do what she asked me…

Sure enough when I stepped into biology Edward wasn't there. And he was there the next day. Friday was sunny so he was definitely not there. I felt even more alone if possible without him sitting there.

* * *

On Saturday I left to the meadow at nine it was raining a lot. But by the time I arrived to the meadow it was only drizzling. Once the drizzling stopped I dried myself with my wand.

Like I had done everytime I came here I sat at the edge of the stream playing with the water.

My life would be so different if I hadn't spoken those words to cedric

_"you know what why doesn't alex take the cup she deserves it more" argued cedric _

_"yeah makes sense" said harry as he held me. My leg was broken. _

_"That won't be happening" I said. "I didn't want any part on this and after all cedric deserves it, neither harry nor I wanted any of this" in truth I was afraid of taking it alone. I wanted this to end…but I had a bad feeling…._

_"Just take it!" I shouted at him. My leg was in serious pain. _i watched as the three of us fought. Then a sound brought me out of the memory. Everything around me blurred and I was suddenly back at the stream.

I turned towards the sound. Edward was slowly walking in through the bushes.

"Hey" he said just loud enough for me to hear. I nodded in his direction.

"I had a feeling I'd find you here" he said sitting on a rock much too far from me.

"let me guess alice?" I said turning around to face the water. I was well aware of alice's strange ability to see into the future.

"not exactly" he said. His tone was almost fearful. What was he afraid of?

**Edwards pov**

The last thing I wanted to do was upset her. I was afraid of hurting her further. But I just had to apologize for what Alice had done. Alice had no right to go and talk to her about that. I was beyond furious with her. If jasper hadn't been there I might have actually lost it completely.

**Alex's pov**

"I know it's not right for me to stalk you but…I have" he admitted. Yes I should be creeped out. "Well I know you spend a lot of time here"

"Oh" was all I managed to say.

"I'm sorry" he said sighing.

"What could you possibly be sorry for?" well he could be dorry for stalking me to begin with.

"For what Alice did. She had no right to do that" now i see what alice meant when she said he wouldnt have allowed her to talk to me.

"She cares for you. If I had been in her place I would have done the same exact thing" I said trying to sound reasonable.

"It still wasn't right." he said anrily.

"Don't give her a hard time for it. She didn't mean any harm." he didnnt answer.

"You've been gone for a long time" I commented.

"I went hunting for two days. My brothers literally had to drag me out of the house. And it was sunny on Friday" he said much more calmly. he was being extremely careful with his words today.

"I'm sorry to hear that you refused to hunt" I said. And I had a feeling I was the cause of that.

"Why would you be sorry?"

I shrugged.

We were silent.

"I should go now" he said I heard the light sound of his footsteps.

"Look at this stream" I said.

"What about it?"

"Look at how freely it runs. I'm sure you have seen the ocean before." I said to him. I wanted one last attempt to show him how much trouble I was.

"It's beautiful." He offered.

"but awfully deadly" I whispered. "you see it but you never think of how many lives it had taken. Its deceiving. It means trouble. Danger…"

"it doesn't matter to me." He said. I saw from the corner of my eye as he settled on another rock.

"well that was a bad analogy but... what I'm trying to say is that I'm really not the best person for you to be around with"

"has it occurred to you that I am dangerous as well?" he said, sounding reasonable.

"Not really. But I know you could be dangerous. If you wanted to. The thing is… right now you're not dangerous. You don't want to be dangerous. So you're not." damn he's good at sidetracking.

"I could kill you at any moment." He contradicted. "I could slip right now and drink that blood that is driving me so crazy"

"will you?" I said turning to him.

"no" he answered much too quickly.

"then I trust you're not dangerous"

"you shouldn't do that" he said quietly and with disaprovement in his voice.

"do what?"

"trust me so much"

"well I can't help it."

"I trust you too then, so then can you blame me for wanting your friendship?" thats noot the path i wanted to go through again.

"ugh! Edward please don't start again! its not safe for you please understand that!" I said getting up and pacing around

"no I cant understand that." He stated calmly. "seriously alex the fact that you think your dangerous is funny" he said but he didn't sound amused at all.

I stopped on my tracks and glared at him. he stared back with that stupidly annoyingly calm face.

"but all right lets say you are right and those are your real reasons…I know that's not the only reason for suddenly ending everything. There is a bigger reason. And I do believe I deserve to be told why you are depriving me of your friendship."

"please stop that" I said quietly.

"stop what?" he said dropping the calm facade and replacing it with an expression of confusement.

"being so…polite" I said. Not only was his calmness making me angry but also his politeness. It wasn't making me angry with him. it was making me angry with _me_.

"I cant help it, its how I was raised alex" he said sounding amused.

"you know what you said what you came here to say now you can leave."

"why should I leave? I like it here" he said comfortably.

"ugh! What do you want from me Cullen!"

"an explanation potter" he said amused once again. giving me a speculative look.

"this isn't fair for you Edward! Cant you see what I'm trying to do? Edward what happened back in your room-"

"was an accident alex. I acted on impulse and I regret it" he said. Amusement gone from mhis eyes to be replaced with none other than regret.

"it doesn't matter Edward! I- we cant go in that direction. Because-"

"because you don't feel the same way" he said so quietly I wasn't sure if he actually said it. he looked down. "i know" he said more quietly.

"I don't know exactly what you feel Edward but…"

"I understand alex, but seriously I just want to be your friend, that's all I ask for from you" he said he still wouldn't look up.

"first of all it wouldn't be fair for you as I have said so many times. And second of all I don't want this to turn into-"

"what are you afraid of melody?" he said raising his head but closing his eyes. never had he called me by my second name. he closed his eyes like he was trying to have patience.

I didn't answer. What _was_ I afraid of?

I was afraid of him, developing any type of feeling that wasn't friendly or brotherly. But why did that make me afraid. I knew I was afraid of something but I didn't know what.

Could I be afraid of liking him in any other way than a friend?

No

Definitely not

I could never return his feelings. That's what I was afraid of, hurting his feelings. Yep that makes perfect sense.

"it's just, I don't want to hurt you" I whispered.

"being without you hurts" he said quietly, opening his eyes.

"but being with me will be much more painful"

"I don't believe that" he said confidently.

"god edward!" I screamed at him. "how can you be so calm when I'm here almost burning with fury!" I bellowed. But he didn't even flinch

"are you mad at me?" he said sounding sad.

"no I'm mad at myself" I grumbled.

"and why is that?"

"I don't know Edward all right? I don't know" I said impatiently. I resumed my pacing. Walking back and forth quickly.

"alex I under-"

"don't! fucking. Say. That. You. Understand!" I couldn't help the wave of anger that washed over me. I heard a deafening crack and then one of the rocks exploded turning to nothing but dirt. I took deep breaths and tried to calm myself down. It didn't help at all.

"I'm tired of everyone saying that they don't understand! You don't understand anything about how I feel Edward Cullen! Because you don't know what I have gone through! You don't know pain like I know it! you don't wake up every morning yearning for the day death will come and just take you away to hell!"

He was quiet.

**Edwards pov**

I watched as she became enraged. I kept up the calm facade I had but inside I was slightly scared of this amazing creature, how far could her anger go?

I remained quiet. She was going to talk, I knew it. after all how much time can you keep something so hurtful locked inside of you? Not much, but many die thanks to it.

She was so wrong. I know pain perfectly well, i've lived with it for a good part of my life. Maybe I 'don't wake up' but every day, until some months ago, I wished to be burning in hell. I may know more than anyone else how she feels. It hurt to acknowledge this. She didn't desrve to go through that, what could have possibly happened to make her receive the bad end of the stick?

"you don't know anything!" she screamed once more. And I heard some other things exploding somewhere in the distance. Probably some trees. She stopped her pacing right in front of a tree and began to kick it and punch it as hard as she could, screaming in fury. Hurting herself I heard a sharp crack and her knuckles split. She staggered back and fell to the floor sobbing. I walked over to her quickly only to cringe away when I smelled the blood.

She cradled her bloody hand with the other one that was an angry type of red. Her cheeks were stained with tears.

This couldn't be happening. Control yourself Edward. You can ignore it, please ignore it. she needs you right now.

She trusts me. I can't betray her trust.

Never had I needed so much self control. Not when bella was bleeding to the point of death because of james. Not that first night on our honeymoon. No that was nothing compared to how much control I was trying to have now. I wasn't breathing and yet I could_ feel _the blood.

I slowly walked towards her and sunk to the ground behind her. Very slowly, watching my every move, I took her body and pulled her to my lap and cradled her as she cried. Sobbing so hard it sounded like she was choking.

"the worst part is that I-I am th-the rea-s-s-son why h-e-he's dea-d" she cried into my chest. I felt her tears and her warm blood seeping through my shirt.

My heart dropped at the last word.

It all made sense.

But it also plunged me into a much deeper pain than the one I had been in when bella died.

He died. She was in love with him and he died. It hurt because this girl, she deserved nothing but happiness yet she got the same fate I did. She received the same amount of pain I got. I knew exactly how she was feeling, and it was agonizing to know that this delicate, extremely breakable girl was dealing with the most extreme pain known to…life.

"do you want to talk?" I said quietly. tasting the smell of the blood on my tounnge. _stop thinking of it. ignore it._

"it was on june…" she whispered in between sobs.

Everything went blurry out of nowhere and a swirl of colors going around us. Then the colors mixed together to makes shapes. Everything rearranged itself and I was now standing with alex at my side. I looked at the scene before us and saw three people.

_Cedric was holding alex on one side while harry supported her on the other side. Her leg was broken. All three of them were sweaty and dirty, covered in dirt and in alex's case, blood. _

"_alex please don't make me see this" I said turning to look at alex. As much as I didn't want to see this I figured she wouldn't be able to talk about it. _

"_I haven't seen this since the day it happened" she whispered tears rolling down her cheecks silently._

_I looked ahead as well._

"_how about all three of us take it" alex said, panting. _

"_all right, its fair enough" cedric said. _

"_no" I heard alex whisper next to me. _

"_yeah" harry said. _

"_on the count of three then" she said. _

"_one" began alex. _

"_two" said harry. _

"_No!" I heard Alex scream beside me. _

"_Three" said cedric and suddenly I felt myself being pulled and then I landed on grass. _

_I looked around. We were in a graveyard. _

"_The cup's a portkey" said cedric confused. _

"_Harry" Alex said her voice shaky. "we've been here before"_

"_What?" said cedric getting up to look at harry and alex. Alex's eyes widened in horror. _

"_cedric get back to the cup" she said urgently. _

"_what?"he said walking towards her to help her up._

_She couldn't repeat herself. She screamed as if she were dying, her screams were mixed with harrys who had sunk to the floor and was pressing his hand to her forehead._

_This was all happening very fast but I saw it in slow motion. _

_A short man walked towards them holding a bundle as if it were a baby. _

"_cedric leave!" alex said in between her agonized screams. It was too much I sunk to the floor. I couldn't bear to see her like that. Alex was standing next to me sobbing. This was driving me crazy. How is it possible that after so much torment I am still alive._

"_kill the spare" said a horrible cold voice that sounded inhuman in every possible way._

"_avada kedabra!" said the other man pointing his wand directly at cedric there was a flash of green light coming from his wand followed by two horrendous screams, both were alex's. I felt the alex next fall, crying a river of tears. I knelt down and hugged her as my whole body shook. _

"_please alex get us out of here." I pleaded. _

"_I cant" she cried. _

_The scene changed and we landed in a field. There we many people around us and everyone screamed and cheered. Alex let go of me and crawled over to where she was, still holding cedric and crying. _

_As she sat next to his body, through the tears I saw the adoration, the love she had for him. Painfully aware that she would never look at me like that. She extended her hand towards him and tried to touch his hand but she just went through it. Like a ghost. _

"_My fault" she whispered in his ear. _

We were back again. she cried harder.

"that-s t-t-the worst p-pa-rt. He die be-be-because of me. I could fe-e-el it, that so-me so-mething bad was going to hap-p-pen. And I still asked h-i-im to c-ome with me!"

"you couldn't possibly know that he was going to die alex. It's not your fa-"

"DON'T TELL ME IT'S NOT MY FAULT!" she screeched trying to push me away from her. I just clung to her frame tighter.

"I'm tired of everyone saying that! You're no different than the others! This is why I didn't want to tell you because you don't know what I'm going through!" she shouted.

"I do know how you feel" I said sounding like I was pleading. She couldn't judge me like that. And I wanted to show her how wrong she was.

She shook her head in denial. I rubbed her back as I let her let it all out. She sobbed and cried with such emotion, it made me jealous that she could cry and I couldn't. her small body trembled as I held her. All the while she kept murmuring things to herself. Making her sound like she was crazy.

When she ran out of tears and the murmurs died down all that was left were quiet sobs and her trembling body. I took that as my opportunity.

"remember when I told you that only one other person's blood had affected me a lot?"

Still sobbing she slowly nodded .

"well she had moved here to forks in her junior year much like you. And oddly enough I met her in biology as well. Like you I couldn't read her mind. She captivated me in ways no other person ever had. Though I was aware of bad it was for me to be near her, especially her, I still did it. I regret doing it but at the same time I don't. pretty soon I had fallen in love with her, and, though its still unbelievable to me she returned the feelings." It was easier than I thought, talking about this with her. But I guess I had already accepted the fact that there was no point to live in the past. I had already let go. Leaving the past in the past and moving on. and talking about this seemed to mark some kind of closure to all of it.

"we faced many obstacles. Each of them reminding me of how wrong I was for her and how she deserved better. I left her trying to let her go. It was a big mistake. But I didn't want her to become like me. I didn't want her to become some soulless creature. But she wanted to be like me she wanted to be with me forever, so I had to leave. It almost destroyed that both of us. So I came back and grudgingly agreed to turning her into a vampire, only if she would marry me first. She had issues with marriage you see. I used that against her, so she could think about it, it would give me more time to talk her out of the whole vampire thing. But she agreed…" I felt a knot at my throat. Making everything else go away even the thirst. Know it was becoming hard to talk.

"but she said that before I turned her I had to…she wanted a real honeymoon you see…she wanted me to…make love to her" I said the last part in a whisper. I knew alex was listening though she showed no signs of it.

"I was so afraid of that. I was positive that It would be impossible and I would kill her. But like you she trusted me far too much. She said it was the one human experience she wanted to have. Against my better judgement I agreed." I rested my head on alexs thin shoulder.

"I didn't think it was possible" I whispered. "but there were certainly legends about it. she became…pregnant" a single sob ripped through me and my body began shaking much like alex's.

"well can you imagine how bad that was?"

"yes" she said softly, her voice still holding traces of the crying.

"that thing would be like me. A monster, and it would kill her. I immediately took her back to Carlisle to try to get it out of her. But when we tried to she didn't let us. She wanted to have that monster. She thought it was a _baby_. But she was wrong. That thing grew bigger and bigger everyday. Breaking my poor wife further. When the time came it was killing her. It was now or never. But being the fool I am I wanted the morphine to spread so she would not feel any of the pain. when I bit her it was much too late. In the end they both died."

We were both quiet.

"when did that happen?" she said quietly, in between a sob.

"around a hundred years or so" I said sadly. A hundred years without my bella. Maybe all the pain was worthwhile after all. It brought me to this magnificent broken goddess, that now rested in my lap.

**Alex's pov**

I had judged him too harshly. I knew that, and I regretted it. we were more alike than I thought. And I didn't like knowing that he had gone through the same thing. He had lived with this much longer.

"you've been alone for a long time" I said burying my face in his neck where it was much more comfortable.

"as have you" he murmured quietly.

"I think I've been lost for a long time" I said I had forgotten that I was not the only one with problems in this world. I had thought only of my sorry self. I had been very lost.

No longer did I feel like this was wrong. It's as if by talking about everything I had somehow eased the pain.

"and I wish to help you find your way back home alex. But I need your permission first."

"I'm sorry" I said. He could never know how truly sorry I was.

"for what?"

"for coming here and complicating your life."

"don't be. I would not have it any other way. Up until I met you I was drowning in my own anguish. But you came and you helped me. I overcame my pain. I still live with that knowledge that it is my fault that she died but, I've learned to live with it. I realize that what happens now is what matters."

"you just need to let go, living in the past wont bring him back. Learn to accept that it wasn't your fault alex. He wouldn't want you to be like this you know? He wants you to be happy."

He was right. This isn't what cedric would want for me. He would want me to be happy. No matter what I chose if it made me happy he would accept it, I knew him that much.

But what would make me happy?

I felt pressure at the top of my head. Edward buried his face in my hair.

And then it hit me. He was exactly what I needed. He was the reason why I had become more depressed these past few weeks. He was the reason why it hurt too much to be away from him.

I don't know if Edward was heaven sent but he really was my salvation. We both need each other.

I need to love and be loved in return. Is that really a crime? Is it wrong of me to want him?

I do not think so.

I will always love cedric no matter what. And I wasn't taking any of that love away from him. I was making more room for Edward, a whole new heart to give him. i only pray that he will want it.

But he was right. I couldn't live in the past anymore.

"what do you want alex?" he whispered against my hair.

I couldn't find any words to tell him what I wanted. But I acted on some instinct that now seemed foreign to me. I turned my head and lightly breathed in his sweet scent. Letting it fill me. I kissed the side of his neck softly. He went rigid and the pressure from my head lifted. I felt his soft gentle hands pull me back. I looked up at him. and he looked into my eyes searching for something.

"I want someone to live for" I whispered, not just someone. i wanted to live for _him._

Hesitantly I leaned in closer to him. this was right, I knew it.

he didn't move, I couldn't read minds but I knew that he was afraid to misunderstand my approaches. He didn't want a repeat of last time.

As softly as I could I brushed my lips against his. His eyes slowly closed and he leaned in closer.

It was like my first kiss all over again. But it had a story of its own. Edward wrapped his arms tighter around my torso and I clutched his now ruined shirt. Not bothering about the pain I felt in my split knuckles.

**Edward's pov **

I leaned in closer now, kissing her back gently as well. Though I had loved Bella's kisses, Alex's felt like…the first taste of wine after a long journey through the desert. And I wouldn't trade this for anything in the world. She kissed me just as gently, a bit hesitantly.

Nothing mattered at the moment. Just her and me, we were the only ones in this world. _Our_ world. Maybe this _was _my second chance after all and I would not commit the same mistakes again. i wanted her to love me. but i would just have to be patient. and if i could wait for a hundred years for her then surely i could wait a bit more. but right now i was in perfect oblivion.

Too soon I had to end it. The fire wouldn't stay away forever. And her right hand was still bleeding.

I pulled her away but just as her lips left mine I felt a smile in her lips.

"I'm home" she whispered into my ear.

She had no idea that as she whispered this I had become alive once again.

* * *

**okay this took me such a long time because i kept erasing chunks of it and replacing them with something better. **

**i tried my best to make it as emotional as possible. maybe i wasnt succesful but this is my first fanfic after all, have mercy. **

**still nothing is too easy in a world like this. and i have a few surprises!**

**review guys**

**-airali**

**p.s i need help writing a new summary if you guys have any suggestions could you please tell me?**

**i already got one that i really like but i want to see more. so please hhelp me out a bit **


	18. goodnight my angel

**sorry for the delay **

**it has been crazy and couldnt update yesterday since i was out the whole day**

**aw and thanks to all the new people that added this story in their alerts and favorites i appreciate it !**

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**Alex's pov **

While he held me I put my chin on his shoulder and stroked his hair

"Alex" he whispered in a way that raised some kind of alarm in me.

I pulled back to look at me. He had his eyes closed and he wasn't breathing at all.

"I think I should take you to Carlisle or something. You're still bleeding and I seem to be becoming more aware of that by the minute. I would also like to point out that that's not good at all"

I gave a slight chuckle. "Not good at all" I repeated and gently let go of him and stood up. He did the same.

"I'll take you to my father" he said smiling slightly. But he wasn't able to hide how uncomfortable he was.

"Nah don't worry. I'll go to Frankie; he'll be able to fix my hands. And it will be a much faster recovery." I said. I walked over to the rock by the stream and got my messenger bag along with my wand.

I put my wand in my back pockets smiling to myself as I imagined what moody would have said if he had seen it.

"What's funny?" he asked curiously.

"Nothing" I said waving my hand dismissively. I started to make my way back; I had barely taken five steps when he stepped in front of me.

"I got a faster way to get there" he said grinning wickedly.

"Of course you do" I said rolling my eyes. His grin just grew bigger.

"Come on before something bad happens to my self control" he said as he walked towards me. Gently he took my arm and pulled me. He easily put me on his back.

"Hold on tight alright?" he warned.

"Why do I have the feeling that this scene is just too similar to another one of your memories?" I said. He was quiet for a second.

"You have to tell me how you do that." He murmured. "And yes this moment is too similar to another one of my memories." He said, his voice was strained.

I secured me arms around his neck and my legs around his waist and then I leaned in and whispered "go" into his ear.

In less than a second he was running. Well if it can be called running, it felt more like flying. The same feeling I got when I flew in a broom.

He never seemed to grow tired of the running though. In fact he seemed to be excited.

Very abruptly it all stopped. We were at the edge of the forest. I could see the garden of my house.

"That was amazing" I breathed. He chuckled, as I slid off his back and straightened my clothes.

"Did you like it?" he asked turning towards me. His eyes shone with the excitement running had caused him.

"Loved it" I said truthfully. He cupped my cheek with his hand.

"I really don't want to leave you" he murmured.

"I know…how about you come by tomorrow early? I'll introduce you to Frankie. And I think he should know that you know about us." I said the last part hesitantly.

"Don't you think he will be mad?" he said noticing me hesitance.

"He probably will but it will be just a tad hard to keep it from him. It's best for us to live without too many secrets"

He chuckled. "Yeah I reckon your right." He said. He leaned down and gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek.

"Get your hands fixed please." He said "and I will see you tomorrow at ten in the morning. That good?"

"Perfect" I said. I walked towards the house, he stayed behind, I could feel his gaze on my back. I turned around.

"Edward?" I said looking at him. He was frowning but as soon as I spoke he smiled at me.

"Yes?" he said politely.

"Thank you…for…everything. You don't know how long I've waited for you" it was true.

"I've waited longer. But in the end it all pays up" he said. It was true, in the end it all pays up. I smiled at the thought and then turned and ran to the house, all the way into the kitchen doors. I walked in and heard the TV turned on. Everything seemed different, like I was looking at the world through the eyes of someone else.

I turned and saw Edwards's tall pale figure creeping around in the forest. Then he disappeared as he took off running. He will forever be my sanctuary.

**Edwards's pov**

She was more than I could have ever asked for. More than I could ever dream of, if I could actually dream. I allowed myself one last glance at her before I took off hunting. Her blood was still in my mind so I needed to calm down.

I was very far away from her house. Closer to mines, I caught a deer and then I felt something hit me as I drank from it. I looked up quickly; Alice was on my back playfully growling.

"Wow she really must have you up in the clouds. You didn't even hear my thoughts" she said.

"Alice can't you see I'm busy?" I said pretending to be annoyed.

"hush, you've probably drank more in these past days than you have in your whole life…by way you should be thanking me" she said getting of my back and putting her hands on her hips expectantly. I stood up grinning.

"Why is that? Exactly"

Ugh for giving you an excuse to go and talk to her. And you owe me an apology for being so mean to me!

"You should have seen that coming" I accused. "But yeah I guess it was out of line for me to be so disrespectful."

"I forgive you" she said happily.

Come on they all want to see you she thought pulling me along with her.

"Wow Alice can't keep from talking huh?"

"It was too important to not tell them" she defended.

And by the way I know what you are going to talk to them about. It might be a bit difficult.

"Thanks for the heads up" I said as I ran along with her. "but I saw that coming."

We walked through the front doors and into the dining room. Everyone was already sitting with big grins on their faces. Their thoughts were all positive, even Rosalie's.

Esme stood up and engulfed me into a tight hug.

"I'm happy that everything worked out in the end" she murmured. "Poor girl, she truly was going through her own personal hell"

"Yeah she is" I muttered. We both took our seats.

"So you told them everything Alice?" I said irritated.

"I couldn't help myself" she confessed.

"Just don't let Alex know that you guys know. I don't know how she might take it. I'll tell her myself" I said. They all nodded.

"I have one request. But I'll go ahead and ask. Did you tell them what it was Alice?" I turned to look at her.

"No" she said in a fake hurt voice.

"All right, I'm going to Alex's house tomorrow morning and I will be meeting her brother. She is going to tell him that we are in on their secret and I just wanted to be able to let him in on our secret."

"Absolutely not" said Rosalie, all happy thoughts gone.

"All right Edward, the thing is…how can we trust him?" said Carlisle.

"Well I figure that since we know his secret then he should know ours, not too mention it will take a lot of weight off Alex's back"

"Yeah and while were on it why don't we just tell the whole world what we are. It will take a lot of our backs that way. We won't have to hide so much anymore." Rosalie said sarcastically.

"Really Edward are you seriously that stupid?" she said.

"Babe" said Emmett, trying to calm her down.

Edward how do you know we can trust him jasper asked.

"His secret is just as big as ours. I don't think he would dare tell anyone. Look at it this way if he tells we tell the volturi about them. And that is not in his best interest so there's a big chance he won't say anything. Of course we would never do such a thing but he doesn't know that."

Yes it all makes sense. And everyone seemed to agree. Except Rosalie of course, jasper was a bit hesitant.

"Edward this is extremely dangerous." Said jasper. "What do you see Alice?"

"Edward is depending on our responses. I can't see anything until we all make a choice."

"No" said Rosalie in a hard voice.

"You know what it doesn't matter he's going to know we are different when he sees me, and eventually he will find out." I said.

"Well we can't decide just like that. We all need to take time to think it over" Carlisle said.

I would love it if he was in on all of this. It would really make everything much easier, specially for Alex of course Esme would like the idea.

"Alright, I'm seeing Alex tomorrow in the morning-"

"Liar" said Alice simply. I grinned.

"Well Alex is going to see me tomorrow in the morning" I amended looking at Alice, she nodded.

"And she is going to tell frank that we know what they are. Now I really don't think he is going to take it so easily so it would be great if I could tell him that we are vampires, that way he won't be so unhappy with Alex"

"Alright we will make our final decision at?" Carlisle broke off looking at me. I looked at Alice.

"It seems like she will fall asleep sometime around eleven" she said squinting her eyes as if trying to see something that was far away.

"Alright before eleven then" said Carlisle. I nodded in acknowledgement and headed to my room to do my homework.

**Alex's pov**

"So how did that happen?" said Frankie calmly as I walked into the living room where he was watching TV, he eyed my bloody knuckles curiously.

"I got mad" I said looking at the coffee table.

"Continue" he said in that too calm voice of his.

"I punched a tree" I said in a matching tone. It was like talking time, it was all very casual. It sounded funny to my ears.

"I see"

Still looking at the coffee table I raised my hand to show it to him.

"I think I fractured them" I stated, you'd think I'd be able to feel the pain huh? Yeah I felt it but it wasn't that bad.

He sighed and I looked up- he motioned for me to sit next to him as he took his wand off the coffee table.

I swiftly walked to the couch and sat next to him, wincing when he grabbed my hand to examine it.

"You look different" he said and glanced my way for just a second.

"About time, I was getting bored with the way I looked….how do I look different?"

"Your cheeks" he said putting his attention on me. I raised a questioning eyebrow at him.

"There's color in them" he explained

"Yeah I ran on the way back" I lied. Well I didn't do the running, hell I might have gotten a broken leg or something.

"Figures" he said as he pointed his wand at my knuckles and muttered something I couldn't hear. He did the same to each one of my fractured knuckles and one by one I felt the pain ease.

"Thanks" I said when he was done. I lifted my hand and examined it. Besides the dried blood it looked fine.

"I'm going to go wash this off" I said getting up.

"And I am going to make dinner" he said getting up as well.

"Need help with that?" I said as we both walked into the kitchen.

"Are you going to eat?"

"Nah I'm not hungry"

"Oh then that's fine I'm only going to make dinner for me. But if you do get hungry later there's some food in the fridge"

"Cool" I said as I rinsed my hands "by the way are you going to be here tomorrow?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I just want to spend time with my favorite brother" I teased, he chuckled.

"I'm telling harry you said that. Gonna break his heart" he said laughing.

"As if, Nah is it alright if I bring a friend over?"

He laughed.

"And here I actually thought that beneath the joke you actually meant it when you said you wanted to spend time with me"

"Aw I do. That's the thing, my friend wants to meet you, I talk a lot about you and they wanted to meet the great Frankie parker"

Well I guess I did talk about him, so it wasn't entirely a lie right?

"Okay?" he said sounding confused. If only I could read minds…

"Don't worry it will all make sense tomorrow" I assured him as I leaned against a counter.

"You are so weird Alex. One day you are all depressed the next day you seem in much higher spirits. Its mind boggling"

"We girls are complicated. That's why you guys think about it really hard when you're going to marry"

"Makes sense" he said as he focused on not burning the food.

"So why did you come home so early?" he said

"Frankie did you not see my knuckles?"

"Oh right"

"And it's good I came back because…" I pointed at the French doors.

"It's raining" I said.

"So that has never stopped you before" he said amusedly.

"True."

We talked as he ate and then he helped me to study for my O.W.L's. we practiced some hexes. It came to an end when he caught me off guard and he sent me across the yard and crashed into a tree. By then it had turned more into a duel rather than a lesson. Thus getting carried away and I getting blasted into a tree.

It was around ten when that happened. We walked into the house with him still apologizing and me laughing my ass off. Plus we were covered in mud.

As I took a shower I looked through today's events. Wow it was a rollercoaster of emotions. But in the end it felt like I was being rejuvenated. There was no doubt in my mind that this is what cedric wanted for me.

Frankie's good mood might not last though. I do not think he will like the idea of Edward knowing what we are. I'm going to get hell for it tomorrow.

Once I was ready to go to bed I actually felt a bit tired. I trudged down the stairs to s ay goodnight to Frankie, except the man wasn't there. I walked back up the stairs and heard a noise coming from his room. I pressed my ear to the door; I just didn't expect it to not be closed properly. I pressed my head a bit too hard and the door opened and I nearly fell to the floor.

I straightened up and looked at Frankie. He was hidden under the covers and snoring lightly. It was a funny sight, a grown man that looked like a little kid sleeping like that.

Very quietly I closed the door and made my way to my room.

Once I was in I closed the door and turned off the lights. There was just enough light from the moon to let me make my way to my bed.

As soon as I settled myself in the covers I fell asleep. Yeah I fell asleep rather quickly but I wished I hadn't slept. Umbridge was in my dreams tainting them. I was barely about to step forward and slap the damn toad when she turned her wand on me and a deafening sound rang through my head, overtaking me in darkness and consciousness.

I opened my eyes. I was facing my bedside table and the clock read two in the morning.

Will I ever have a peaceful night?

I sat up and heard a ruffle. I looked around the room curiously. I knew it was definitely not my mind playing tricks on me. I saw a very faint shadow and I turned to it.

"Hi stranger" I said perfectly calm. I could have easily turned on the lamp but I decided not to.

"Sorry" said an embarrassed voice. But I knew that voice only too well.

"Caught ya red handed" I said smiling. He gave a small embarrassed laugh. Then I saw him move towards the French doors. The moonlight hit him, allowing me to see his silhouette

"Don't go" I whispered. He stopped with his hand on the handle. I heard the loud thunder then I understood that's what had awoken me.

"How's your hand" he said quietly.

"It looks exactly like it should" I got out of the bed and shuffled my feet over to him.

The light of the moon made him look like a ghost, but it made him even more breathtaking. I glanced at his expression and chuckled. If he could blush he would be so red right now.

"What's funny?" he said looking at me, the embarrassed expression still plain on his face.

"You're embarrassed?"

He huffed "well I don't know about you but if I had woken up to find someone watching, me sleep I would have been pretty freaked."

"It all depends on who it is." I said shrugging. He turned his body towards me.

"Are you alright?" he asked taking my hand.

"Is there a reason for me not to?" I questioned.

"I saw you're little game with frank, he got you pretty hard." He winced as he seemed to remember the event.

"Oh that…yeah he did. I'm fine though…..stalker" he chuckled.

"You also should have eaten something"

"What are you my dad?"

"No just a man that cares a lot about you"

"Hmm that's nice"

"I should get going" he said turning to the door. I took his hand.

"Cant you stay?" I pleaded.

He turned and looked at me for a while. Then he sighed.

"Thanks for asking" he said sounding relieved.

"Why?"

"Because I didn't want to leave." He said and then swept me into his arms and put me on the bed.

"Good. Don't you have anything better to do besides watching me like a hawk?"

He laughed quietly and sat on the edge of the bed as I got under the covers.

"No not really even if I did I'd much rather observe you... So what woke you up?"

"The thunder" I said laying down. "And just when I was going to have a go at umbridge. Damn I wanted to slap her." I sighed.

"You have vicious dreams don't you?" he said amused

"Only sometimes" I yawned.

"Go back to sleep Alex" Edward said observing me.

"You promise not to leave?" I said sounding like a small girl. His lips twitched fighting a smile.

"Cross my heart and hope to die" he said drawing an x right over his heart.

"Wow Edward you're killing me." I said rolling my eyes. His quiet laughter shook the bed.

I lifted the covers and signaled him to get in. he smiled at me but shook his head.

"You'll get cold" he explained.

I gave him a confused look.

"Remember my skin is ice cold" he said slowly as if he were talking to a five year old.

"I don't know what you're talking about, you're always so warm" I said.

"What are you playing at Alex?" he said giving me a curious smile.

"I mean it, you're always very warm"

He frowned and placed a hand on mines.

"How does that feel?"

"Warm" I said simply.

"Huh that's funny; usually to a human our skin would be ice cold. Maybe it's because you're a witch"

I hoped it was because of that.

"So…" I patted the spot next to me. He chuckled and kicked off his shoes and crawled in under the covers next to me. He pulled me close to his body.

"How does that feel?" he murmured.

"Heavenly" I said burying my head in his chest and smelling him.

"I love you Alex" he whispered.

I froze. He loves me?

Did I love him?

It had been so long since I was last told by a special someone that they loved me. And I never realized how long I had been waiting to hear the very same words being told to me.

What I didn't realize was how long I had waited to hear Edward murmurs those two words to me.

So did I love him?

I looked up at him. His eyes were closed, as if he were praying. I reached up to stroke his soft bronze hair.

"I love you Edward" I said in a firm, sure, tone.

And I knew I had never spoken truer words.

**

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**dont remember if i said this already but it is quite obvious that i am not stephenie meyer so i wont bother with the disclaimers **

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	19. vampires will never hurt you

**gah! i'm doing this update quick my prayers have been answered and i got an internet signal **

**god i cant wait to get internet so i can stop stealing it **

**lmao **

**goah you guys i'm tripping balls i got so many people adding my story in their favorites story alerts and what not **

**thank you all it is mind blowing **

**reviews are even more mindblowing and if i had balls and you guys reviewed they would fall off for sure **

**anyway here you go!**

Alex's pov 

As I was pulled out of my first peaceful sleep in months I was met by the most exquisite scent and something warm encompassing me. I stayed like that for a few minutes. Yesterdays events flooded my hand and I became aware of who was hugging me.

I smiled at the memory of yesterday's discovery.

"I love you" I whispered as I nuzzled my face into his chest. Those three words made the gray day seem bright.

"Those words make me the happiest man on earth. I never thought you would say them to me" he said in his smooth velvety words. He took one of my hands which were tucked in between him and me and interlaced it with his hand, he brought it up and I felt his lips on my knuckles.

I looked up at him. His eyes were closed as he inhaled.

"How are you holding on?" I said grinning.

"Spending the night here really helped" he said smiling back. Just then I noticed he had changed.

"Did you really stay?" I said eyeing his blue button up shirt.

"I left for a couple of minutes to change. But don't worry I was only away for ten minutes."

"Good" I said nodding. He chuckled and pulled me closer him.

"You have no idea how much _I _love _you_" he murmured.

"I do" I said.

"That's what you think"

A sudden thought came to my mind

"Is Frankie awake?" I asked as I turned to look at the alarm clock.

It was eight in the morning.

"He left to buy some things. He left not long ago actually"

"Okay" I tried to break out of his grasp but he wouldn't let go.

"Edward?" I said.

"No" he said stubbornly securing his hold on, making at tighter but still gentle.

"I really should be getting up now"

"You're not leaving are you?" he said playfully.

"I would never even dream of it. I love you too much….I'll never leave you" I said seriously

He took a look in my eyes finding answers to his questions. He nodded and let me go ever so slowly.

I got up and ran into the bathroom brushed my hair and teeth. I washed my face and ran out to the room without looking at Edward and took out a black t-shirt a grey sweater with black stripes on the sleeves and black skinny jeans.

I ran back into the bathroom and changed.

I got out quickly and saw that my bed was already made and Edward was sitting on the desk looking through my school books.

"This is really interesting you know?" he said as he flipped a page of my history of magic textbook.

"You sound like Hermione" I said as I picked up some of my stuff that were scattered.

"Frank is on his way back" he said looking at me. "I'll come in an hour all right?" he said getting up and he hugged me.

"All right" I said "take the book if you want you could learn a thing or two about my world"

"Yes I could" he said smiling. I stood on my toes and reached up him he understood what I was trying to do and he put his hands on my waist and leaned down to press his lips to mines. I put my arms around his neck and kissed him back. He pulled away gently.

"He's going to be here in two minutes" he whispered right next my ear.

"Fine" I muttered and he smiled and pecked me on the lips and was gone along with my textbook.

I sighed and walked over to my bedside table and took my wand. I put in my jeans back pocket and headed downstairs.

Frankie was just coming in as I was walking down the stairs.

"Morning Fra-ow!" I said jumping around and holding my foot.

"There's still glass there?" said Frankie amused.

I looked down and sure enough a huge shard of glass was on the floor.

"How do you possibly miss something that big?" I said as my foot began bleeding.

"Well why are you walking around the house barefoot?"

"Why should I not walk around the house barefoot?"

"This is ridiculous just come over here so I can fix it." I limped to the kitchen and sat on a chair as he worked over the big gash on my foot.

"What's for breakfast?" I asked.

He looked up at me shocked.

"You hungry?" he asked as if he couldn't believe it.

"Well I am a human being" I said rolling my eyes.

"Okay how about waffles?"

"Is there peanut butter?" I asked

"Yeah"

"Jelly?"

"Of course"

"Chocolate syrup?"

"Yes"

"Frank we have a deal"

Once he was done we began preparing breakfast. There was an awkward silence between us all the time. But hopefully that would all go away soon.

"So" he began as he ate and I smeared peanut butter on my waffles.

"When is your friend coming?" he said.

"A little less than an hour" I said as I tried to get the last of the peanut butter from the container.

"Why?" I asked

"Sirius is coming"

"Awesome they can meet then" I said and just then I accidentally flicked some peanut butter with the spoon and it hit Frankie in the cheek.

I couldn't help but laugh. Instantly I was met by something hot hitting my face and Frankies laugh. The waffle he threw at me fell right on my plate.

"You suck" I accused as I got up to wash the syrup of my face.

"Oh well, anyways so yeah. Who is it by the way?" he said.

"You'll see" I said drying my face with a kitchen towel.

Once we were done eating I helped him clean up.

All the while I was mentally preparing myself for Frankie's wrath when he got the big news. And now it had to be a double wrath. I wasn't counting with Sirius coming. I wasn't preparing myself for two angry men and that made me nervous. They wouldn't dare toying with Edwards's memory would they?

Just as that thought crossed my mind and I entered panic mode the doorbell rang.

"Your guest is here" said Frankie as he finished the last plate.

"At what time is Sirius coming?"

"Pretty soon"

Good then we won't have to repeat.

"Okay" I said as I walked to the living room.

"Alex he's not going to come here the muggle way" he told me just as I headed for the living room.

"Don't worry Frankie I've got a plan"

Boy did I have a plan

I quickly opened the door. Panicked and desperate to see Edward again I opened the door rather quickly. And there he stood smiling crookedly.

Why did I not discover my feeling for him sooner?

I smiled and got on my toes to kiss his cheek.

"Miss me much?" he asked amused.

"I'll always miss you when you're gone" I bowed.

"As flattering as that is I hope its not true"

"I'm telling you this now I'm nervous"

He gave me a reassuring smile his eyes gave him away though he was just as nervous as I.

"Don't be, what's the worst that could happen?"

"They can erase your memory"

His face fell. If I wasn't so panicked I would be laughing my face off.

"Lets pray they don't do that though" I said attempting, unsuccessfully, attempting to calm him down. I took his warm hand and pulled him inside. He followed quietly.

What is he thinking?

"Frankie" I called and he came out from the kitchen. He seemed surprised at first then his gaze turned towards our interlaced hand and a huge grin took over his face.

Let's hope that grin stays in place after we tell him the big news.

I could imagine his face literally falling off when he found out. I smiled at myself as I imagined that.

"Frankie this is Edward Cullen" his eyes flashed to my face with questioning eyes. The smile was still there though.

Oh so he remembered that I mentioned them.

"Edward this is Frankie" I said and suddenly I didn't want to say anything else.

"It's nice to finally meet you Mr. Parker" said Edward stepping forward to shake his hand. Frankie shook his hand.

"Merlin! You're freezing cold boy" he said half laughing. Edward gave an apologetic smile in turn.

"And call me frank or Frankie. I feel old when they call me Mr." Edward gave me a sideways glance and we smirked at each other. Edward should be saying that to Frankie.

"So what brings you here today?" asked Frankie pleasantly as he led us to the living room and we all took a seat.

"Well first of all Alex has told me about you and I really wanted to meet you and there are some things she and I want to talk to you about"

Frankie arched and eyebrow upon hearing this and gave me a short look before focusing on the both of us.

"And what would that be?"

Nervously I sought for Edwards and hand and I once I found it he it an encouraging squeeze.

I got ready to talk when suddenly the fireplace burst into emerald flames. I gave a slight screech of fright and then realized what was happening and laughed at my stupidity.

Frankie closed his eyes in dread.

Edward gave nothing away.

Sirius stumbled out the fireplace.

And I almost shitted my pants.

Merlin please let Edward get out of this house with all of his memory.

"I heard a shriek sorry if I scared you a-"he looked up as he dusted himself and paled when he looked at Edward.

"As cliché as this sounds I can explain" I said.

Frankie and Sirius looked at me expectantly.

"Where to begin" I said to myself.

Being straightforward would probably be the best.

"He knows what we are" I said

Fury took over both of their features at the same time. Would they dare to try and kill me?

"Alex" growled Frankie.

"I didn't tell him" I defended." he found it out on his own"

"Giving him a riddle or a clue does not count as him finding it out on his own melody Alexandra" said Sirius as I flinched at my hideous full name.

"I didn't" I said.

"Let me explain" Edward said talking for the first time since Sirius came.

"And what's your name?" said Sirius rudely.

"Sirius" I scolded. Before I could say anything else Edward took over.

"I'm Edward Cullen. Would it be appropriate of me If I referred to you as my girlfriend?" he said the last part to me.

"Very appropriate indeed" I said trying to match his tone. Sirius and Frankie exchanged a look of surprise.

"I think it will be more understandable if I was being truthful with you" he said looking back at Frankie and Sirius.

Had he being planning on telling them or what?

"Not long ago I placed Alex in a very dangerous position" he didn't like remembering this I could tell. The shame was definitely there in his eyes.

"And to defend herself she had to use magic. I'm glad she did or else she could have died that night." His hand tightened around mines in a protective manner.

"How was she in danger?" asked Frankie.

Out of all the questions this had to be the one he chose to ask?

"See my family and"

What the hell we weren't going to tell them this

"We are vampires" he said

Quiet

Did he talk about this with his family?

The silence was broken by Sirius

"Don't lie boy. Vampires don't exist" said Sirius.

"Yeah and neither do witches nor werewolves but that isn't stopping us is it?" I said half laughing.

When they didn't laugh I decided to make them believe this.

"It's obvious there not gone or else Edward wouldn't be here. He really isn't lying."

"Prove it" said Frankie speaking to Edward.

"He'd rather not" I spoke for him.

"Why not" Sirius said bluntly. I heard Edward give a slight hiss and I took his hand in both of mines. He looked at me and I gave him a reassuring look. He took a deep breath and looked towards them.

"Alex found out about me the hard way and you have no idea how ashamed I am about that incident. I almost killed her while I hunted." He admitted closing his eyes and taking deep breaths.

"We both knew there was something different about each other. It was a matter of time before we found out" I said.

"If you are a vampire then why is Alex still alive? You've had plenty of time to kill her. You had a chance to do so in that forest with no witnesses at all" accused Sirius.

"Sirius" I said in a warning tone. He better calm down.

Edward looked hurt for a moment and then his expression turned firm and determined.

"I would never harm Alex. I have very strong feeling for her and I wouldn't be able to live at all if anything was ever to happen to her. I love you goddaughter like you can't imagine" he said firmly never once leaving Sirius face, never once hesitating.

He really did love me.

"My family is different from other vampires. We only hunt on animals. We try to keep the little bit of human we have left this way. We don't think it is right to take the life of a human being-"

"Yet you would have killed melody if she hadn't stopped you" said Frankie.

"Yes it's our instinct. Over time we get better at ignoring a human's scent. But the thirst for a human is always there. And I have been denying my thirst for many years now I'm fairly good at ignoring a human's scent. Unfortunately there is a time for a vampire in which there is a human whose scent is just too…strong for us. It is called La Tua Cantate, or a singer. And it is nearly impossible to resist. For a vampire that preys on humans it would most likely be impossible. In that sense I'm stronger. Miraculously I was able to resist it. The longing is still there though and it will be there forever….that night in the forest…it is very dangerous for any human to come across us while we are hunting. Because we don't think, we just do. So it is even more dangerous for Alex. And that night she came across me at the wrong time. As you can see she was unharmed….not thanks to me though. But I can promise you that I will never put her in such danger again. She isn't like the other humans. I am extra careful around her. I love her and I will do anything in my power to make sure she is safe.

"How can she be safe around you if you continuously want to kill her" said Sirius.

"I know that and trust me that the moment she tells me to go I will leave her. Unfortunately I cannot bring myself to leave her on my own account. I have committed that mistake and it didn't end well. I don't want a repeat of it"

"He isn't going anywhere" I murmured. "At least if he does leave it won't be because I told him to it will be on his own account"

Both Frankie and Sirius looked at me, both with the same unasked question clearly displayed on their face.

"He's the only one who understands me" I said pleading them to understand. "He makes me happy. And he is what I want. I love him"

"Are you sure about this Alex?" said Frankie, he was worried about this.

"I can assure you I'm not being dramatic when I say that I'd rather die than be without him" I said with a small smile.

I felt Edwards arm snake its way around my waist and pulling me closer to him.

The gesture didn't go unnoticed by Sirius and Frankie.

"Alex this is dangerous" said Sirius.

"You've said it before Sirius, what's life without a little bit of danger?" I pointed out.

"You're in enough danger as it is" he argued

"I don't care"

"I don't want to see you hurt Alex"

"Then let me be with him"

"It's your choice Alex" he said defeated. And I felt like I could now breathe.

"I made my choice" I said confidently.

"Okay then….and since there wasn't a proper greeting can I get a hug?" he said.

I got up letting go of Edwards hand and almost ran to him and hugged him.

"Thank you" I whispered

"It's good to see you alive again" I let go of him and I felt Edward behind me. I turned and gave him a smile which he returned with a crooked one of his own. Then he looked at Sirius and held out a hand to him.

Sirius took flinching a bit at the cold touch. "Take care of my goddaughter"

"Trust me I will" promised Edward as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"So when did this start?" said Frankie signaling to the both of us.

"Yesterday we told each other everything" I said

"Everything?" said Sirius raising an eyebrow.

"Every-oh" I said.

Not everything…did I really want him to know more about my sorry life?

"I was kind of hoping I could leave that out" I said looking at the floor.

"What are you talking about?" said Edward

"Alex he deserves to know your situation" said Sirius gently.

"I don't want to drag him in this any further Sirius, I don't want anything to happen to him or his family"

"Melody we understand but you cant hide It forever."

"Edward you should sit down. A long story is on its way" said Frankie.

We all sat down again.

"Okay what are you all talking about?" said Edward. No one answered.

"Alex?" he asked.

I sighed and took a deep breath.

"My parents were murdered when my brother and I were one year old" I started. "They were murdered by a dark wizard named voldemort." I paused trying to think out my next words.

"Why?" asked Edward

The golden question

"Because he wanted to kill harry and me" his embrace tightened. It wasn't enough to hurt though.

"You were just a baby" he whispered.

I still can't understand that. But I remember that night all too well. It was last year that I had been getting the memories of my life as a baby with my parents and I remembered that night as If it were yesterday. Many times I have had nightmares thanks to that.

"I still don't know why he wanted to kill us….no one does."

"Then how come he didn't kill you?"

"He tried. But my mum didn't have to die. She could have lived, she had the choice but she died for us. Trying to protect us, supposedly that left some kind of magical protection on us. So strong that voldemort failed when he tried to kill us. And that was something big. He is one of the darkest wizards of this time. He was widely feared and no one stood a chance against him. However thanks to that protection he wasn't able to kill us. Instead the curse rebounded upon him and…he became just a…spirit. He was weak…so he fled and he left my brother and me there in the ruins of our house. With only this"

I raised my red bangs to reveal the scar on my forehead. Gently he touched it and gently added pressure to it. Many thoughts were going on in his head that was evident. Horror and disbelief were some of his emotions, anger was another one.

"So we were taken to my aunt and uncle as I have told you before. We never knew what we were until Hagrid arrived to the house on our eleventh birthday and told us everything. But you see one way or another every year since our eleventh birthday we manage to come face to face with voldemort and narrowly escape death. In our first two years he tried to get back to his body. Both times harry and I stopped him with the help of Ron and Hermione. In our third year we met Sirius" I nodded at him and we both smiled as we remembered that day.

"We also met my dads other two best friends. And one of them was the one that betrayed us and gave away our hiding place to voldemort. Sirius was put in Azkaban under the belief that he was a servant of voldemort. It wasn't true it was Pettigrew. But Sirius paid 12 years in Azkaban because of him, until he escaped prison. Pettigrew ran away though, we couldn't turn him in. so their still looking for Sirius and he can barely go out."

I stopped to give Edward time to take it all in. he was looking straight ahead. No emotion in his face.

"Go on" he said

"Last year things changed. Two other schools came to Hogwarts for some tournament. I got to know cedric better that year."

A knot formed in my throat.

"Only people that were 16 could enter the tournament. Harry and I were 14. Yet somehow we got in. and we didn't even want to be a part of it. But we couldn't go back anymore. So two of the contestants were from the other two schools and the other one was cedric. Harry and I were basically forced to participate. It was odd; we couldn't imagine who would put our names into the cup that would select the winners. Still we got through the first two tasks all right. The third task it was a maze, whoever got to the cup first would win. Weird things were happening in there. One of the contestants was possessed and he tried to attack cedric. And then harry cedric and I made it to the cup. As I'm sure you remember" I said my voice trembling as I spoke.

"Yes" said Edward softly

"It was a trap. It was done by one of the teachers who worked for voldemort. That teacher had submitted our names so that we would participate. It was planned all along. We got into this tournament to bring back voldemort. But only he knew this, he and voldemort. When we were at that graveyard they took some of harry's blood and then Pettigrew used that and other things to bring voldemort back to power."

I heard a sharp intake of breath. I looked up and Edward had his eyes closed in a pained grimace.

"Go on" he whispered.

"He came back. He was stronger and he can kill us now. He has the same protection that we have now. Yet once again we made it out alive. I still can't understand how my life has been pretty long. It seems all harry and I ever do is attract trouble and death."

"That's true" Edward said in a strained voice.

"This summer, harry and I were attacked by dementors. Dumbledore thinks they must have been sent by voldemort. And despite what harry and I said about seeing voldemort come back everyone refuses to believe it. There are only a few who actually do. The rest just says that harry and I are looking for attention. Anyways this year we were introduced to the order of the phoenix. It was created by Dumbledore. Many people are in it with the purpose of destroying voldemort. Sirius and Frankie are part of it. My parents were part of it too"

"I see"

"There's also this weird connection between harry's head voldemort's and mines. When he is really angry harry and I can feel it. Sometime we feel immense pain. And In December remember I left early?"

He nodded.

"I was sleeping and I had like a…vision"

Edward looked at me with a confused expression.

"There was a snake. It was voldemort snake. And…it bit Mr. Weasley, Ron's father. Harry the weasley and I were immediately sent to Sirius house that night. Harry had seen the exact same thing. And we were scared. It had actually happened. Mr. Weasley could have died that night had we not seen it. But this was a bad thing. That we could see into voldemort mind. He could find out about it and use it against us. Since then harry and I have been getting occlumency lessons with snape. It is supposedly to learn to close our minds to voldemort so he won't use this against us."

I tried to think of anything else.

"That's pretty much it" I said looking at Sirius and Frankie to see if I missed something.

"Edward voldemort is at the peak of his power right now and he is highly dangerous. He will stop at nothing to see both Alex and harry dead. They run great risk outside of Hogwarts and out of forks. Voldemort is aware that Alex isn't in the school. One of the teachers, snape is working as a supposedly double agent. And he is making voldemort believe that he is on his side and all of that. He has told voldemort that Dumbledore told no one were you would be going only Dumbledore knows. Nevertheless voldemort is looking. But he'll never think of the United States let alone Washington or a small town as forks. This was the perfect place to bring her for her to recover from her past. And we were right, for she has found you. And we could not be happier. Thank you" said Sirius.

Edward gave a small smile and nodded. He was still disturbed by what I told him.

"if ever I can be of any help my family and I are always willing to do so"

"NO!" I said as they gave me a look that said 'are you alright?'

"all you need to do is stay here and be there for me and that's all okay?" I said firmly. He smiled and kissed the top of my head.

"Ever since they were babies Alex and harry have become very famous amongst the wizarding world. Because of them voldemort left. And once people realize that he has come back I just know that they will think that it will be harry and Alex who will end him for once and for all" said Frankie. Thank you for the pressure.

"Well let's not get ahead of ourselves." I said "school is enough pressure without you telling me that"

"Speaking of school how's that studying going?" asked Sirius.

"All I know is I better get good grades" I said.

"Edward?" said Frankie

"Yes?" he said politely.

"You said you've been controlling you thirst for many years…how old are you?"

"About two hundred and ten years old. You loose track after a while."

"Wow so all of you family is about that age?" asked Sirius

"Were all from different time periods were adopted you could say. Carlisle our 'father' is the oldest he is about five hundred years old. We never age. We live forever"

Forever, should I tell him about my situation? How would he take it? I should give it time…

An hour later we were out of the house. We left Frankie and Sirius to talk alone. Now we were on our way to his house.

"It went better than I thought" I said as we sped down the road.

"I know" he said chuckling "I was half expecting to walk out of the house without my memory."

"I expected the same" I said laughing.

"I'm happy this went so well, we don't have to hide anything from them now"

"It will be much easier" I agreed.

"Your family isn't mad at me for what happened the last time I was at your house right?" I said cautiously.

"They love you Alex trust me all they care about is that I'm happy. They don't care about what is in the past. You've got nothing to be afraid of." He assured me as he parked right in front of his house.

"Hope your right" I muttered. He turned of the engine and turned towards me. Taking my face in his marble hands gently. He looked at me for some time.

"Your eyes are beautiful" he whispered his warm delicious breath hit my face and I blinked a couple of times trying to clear my head.

"Their black" I said rolling my eyes.

"Not anymore they are their original shade of green." He said. Kissing my nose. "I thought you would have noticed. You're hair is also redder." he whispered.

"Harry will be so happy." I said sarcastically.

"You party pooper Alex" he said chuckling before kissing me.

I kissed him back eagerly. Our lips moving in perfect rhythm. Melody and harmony.

He pulled back just then, with a peaceful smile on his face.

"Heaven knows I don't deserve someone like you" he said getting out of the car.

Isn't that what I should be saying?

Before I could open the door Edward was already there opening it for me.

"Thanks" I said taking his hand and then I followed him towards his house.

As we entered the house his family was there waiting to greet us. Everyone was in their place just like last time. It was as if we were actors and we had messed up the scene and now we were doing it all over again.

"Hello Alex" said esme pleasantly with a big smile in her face and bright happy eyes. "It's good to see you again we were afraid you wouldn't want to put a foot in here ever again" she walked over and gave me a hug while I returned it.

"I apologize for that incident" I said to everyone. "Especially to Edward I know it must have hurt him"

"You don't have to apologize for anything" he murmured hugging me from behind.

"Sure sure" I said waving a hand dismissively. Everyone chuckled.

"It's nice to see you all again" I said to everyone and they all said hi back.

"So how did it go?" asked Alice brightly. I didn't have to read minds to know what she was talking about.

"Are you sure you don't know that answer?" I asked as Edward led me to a couch and sat me on his lap. The rest took a seat as well.

Alice grinned. "Yes but the rest don't"

Everyone was watching me waiting to hear how it all went.

"It all went better than I expected. Edward still has his memory and Frankie and Sirius both will keep quiet." I said happily.

"What do you mean by Edward still having his memory?" asked Emmett.

"I guess panic hit me at the last minute and I thought of all the possible things Frankie and Sirius could do to Edward when they found out he knew our secret."

"And thankfully there was no memory erasing" said Edward. We all laughed.

"All in all everything went rather well" said Edward.

"Oh well that's good we have all been extremely nervous about it. Except Alice of course" said jasper poking his wife in the side playfully. She giggled.

"There's also one thing you should know, Alex" said Edward in a serious tone.

"You're a girl?" I asked. Emmett burst out laughing and the others jus smiled.

"No" said Edward smiling as well. "Yesterday while we had our little talk Alice couldn't stay out of it. And like I said before it's hard to keep secrets in this family. They all know everything you told me last night"

They all gave me rather apologetic looks. Yesterday or any other day it would have angered me. Now I was happy they knew me better. I had a feeling that I would be seeing a lot of them.

"That's okay. When I leave you should also tell them what we told you today" I said rather hesitantly. Was I making a mistake?

I hope not.

But I probably was.

What do I do then?

"I will" said Edward smiling.

"So Alex what do you have planned for this weekend?" asked Alice. What was she thinking?

"Uhm I have to go to school and get my evaluation done. Plus I promised my brother I would help him with a lesson on Saturday"

"What is he a teacher?" asked jasper

"He's just teaching this group of students how to defend themselves and all. Seeing as how the defense against the dark arts teacher refuses to do so"

"Oh yeah we heard something like that" said Emmett. I'm not surprised he did.

"Yeah well. It's going to be a busy weekend for me"

"Oh that sucks…the next weekend then" said Alice brightly. And they all gave me looks of pity.

"Next weekend what Alice?" I asked.

"I'll take you shopping with me!" she said excitedly.

Something told me I shouldn't feel excited.

"I'm guessing I have no say in this"

"No" she responded.

"Alice maybe it's too soon" said Edward. Bless him he was trying to get me out of this one. "Besides I want to spend a weekend with her too"

"No you already had her all of this weekend"

"Yeah but it-"

"What am I a toy?" I said over both of their voices. Everything went quiet.

"You're going" said Alice with a final tone. She sounded so funny but I couldn't bring myself to laugh.

We spent the rest of the day talking and I found I could connect well with everyone in the family. I got along just fine with everyone and I was having…fun.

Edward seemed to glow with happiness through the rest of the day.

If he was glowing with happiness then I was shining.

Too soon I had to go.

I was saying bye to everyone when esme came up to me and hugged me.

"Thank you for bringing my son back to us" she whispered sincerely. If she could cry then she would have been bawling her eyes right now.

"It's him I should be thanking right now" I responded. I felt Edward interlace his fingers with mine. I waved goodbye to everyone and followed him into the cloudy night into his Audi.

"So do you want to go eat somewhere or will you eat at your house? Normally I wouldn't ask, I would just take to out to eat but since you have company right now…" he said.

"Don't worry I'll have dinner with Sirius and Frankie, they might want to talk to me about some things." I said. He smiled and then drove to my house.

I looked at him as the light of the dashboard hit his face.

"Are you happy?" I asked noticing his smile.

"of course" he said as if it were obvious.

"About what?" I asked curiously.

"Well first that you are here with me second, you love me, third you got along with my family. I could keep going on and on you know" he said sending me a smile.

"I have a question" I said

"Go on"

"Why is your first reason that I am here with you rather than the fact that I love you" I said. Was that wrong to ask I felt like he would think that I wanted to be the first to him.

But I don't even think I'm making sense even in my own thoughts.

"Because I would do anything for you to be with even if you didn't love me. Well when I say anything I don't mean stealing you and forcing you to be with me." He said half laughing.

"But the fact that you would be here with me because you want to even without you loving me, that would make me infinitely happy"

I took hold of his hand and kissed it. He gave a peaceful sigh.

"I'm glad that's not the case though because I do love you….like you can't imagine" I said.

"I cannot put to words my feelings for you. They wouldn't do it justice"

"I'm glad I make you happy. Just like you make me happy. You deserve it" I said.

"As do you" he said raising our interlaced hands and putting the back of my hand to his granite cheek.

We got into a comfortable silence then. Both perfectly content in each others happiness. Then he stopped the car. It had been an incredibly short ride.

But neither one of us moved nor showed any sign of wanting to. But after about five minutes he broke the silence.

"I know what my limit is Alex, and it would be wise for you to stay longer." He whispered in shame.

"I understand don't feel bad. Hopefully you will overcome that soon" I said.

"I can give you a goodnight kiss however" he said and before I knew it his lips were on mines softly touching mines. I leaned forward and kissed him just as he pulled away.

"I'll go to your room later if you want me to" he said smiling.

"I do want you to come but only if you feel like you can" I wanted him to be comfortable in my presence not in agony.

"I'll be much better by then" he promised.

"See you, then" I said opening the door and getting out.

"I love you" he said and I smiled.

"The word love is not enough for me to tell you how I feel." I responded "but I guess I'll have to settle for that. I love you too." I pecked him on the lips and then got out and ran to my house shielding my head from the rain with my arms. Once I was under the shelter of the porch I turned and saw his pale figure waiting for me to in.

I opened the door and got in.

Sometimes patience is what one truly needs to heal. Patience, time, feelings, tears, family, friends, and a lot of strength.

Without it I hate to think of the hole I would still be in.

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	20. dont let me go

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i finally finished this chapter and i'm working on the next one

**i want to speed things up but i CANT this story is not one can speed up so bear with me. **

**oh dear lord i got like thre reviews! **

**thats alot for me **

**lol**

**but i got even more story alerts favorites so thanks so much guys you are awesome!**

**Alex's pov **

"Something is bothering me" Edward said as he stroked my hair. I was instantly alert.

"What?" I asked. I kept my gaze on my school books all piled on my desk.

"Voldemort" he said simply. Yet he said the name with so much hate and disdain you would think voldemort had done something to Edward.

"What about him?" I said.

"I can't get over the fact that he has not only tried to hurt you multiple times but he has also tried to kill you multiple times"

"That's the story of my life. I don't know I'm starting to think that's what he lives for. But how does that bother you?"

"He wants to kill you. Anyone who even dares to think of doing harm to you angers me" he growled.

"I got over it you know…it doesn't scare me anymore. Don't worry you'll get used to it." I assured him.

"And if I'm being truthful with myself. I'm a bit hesitant about you leaving my sight for the whole weekend."

I snickered. "I'm going to be alright. I'm perfectly safe in Hogwarts especially under the protection of Dumbledore" I said with pride.

"Yeah but have you noticed how everytime you come across voldemort it's while you're in school? Even if it is the safest place on earth?"

Oh he got me there.

"Well let's say that I'm under the best protection I can get. It's no ones fault that my brother and I just love to come across trouble. It runs in the family after all. And there is only so much a person or spell can do to keep us safe."

"Exactly, I'm going to be so paranoid this weekend. Especially because Alice can't see what's going on in your future. It disappears when you go to Hogwarts or use magic. Do you have any idea how worried I'm going to be?"

"You know I have to go" I tried to reason with him. The last thing I wanted was for him to be pulling his hair out in worry the whole weekend. "If it makes you feel better I promise to stay away from trouble"

He snorted when I said that.

"And yet you are going to help your brother with an illegal club that could result in your expulsion from the school. What do you call that?" he asked.

"Family curse?"

His quiet laughter shook the bed. I turned around and nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck.

"Okay then how about this, I promise to be careful so that I won't get caught and get into trouble"

"I reckon that's the best promise I'll get" he said sighing.

"You know this is important to me and all of the clubs members" I mumbled against his skin. I smiled as I heard his breath get slightly uneven. "It's for a good cause."

He gave a defeated sigh. "I know" he murmured and kissed my head.

"Don't think about the upcoming weekend" I said. "Think of something else" I said in a soothing voice. I looked up at him and stroked his hair.

"I can't think of anything with you sounding so…delicious" he smirked. I couldn't help but laugh when he said that.

Instantly his hand was on my mouth covering it.

"Alex I know he is in there!" called Frankie. My heart sped up as I heard him. "You two better be behaving" he scolded.

I looked up at Edward. "I thought you were watching out for his thoughts?" I hissed, damn he caught us! The thought made me blush with embarrassment, something I very rarely did.

"I was, but he jumped to conclusions too fast it took me by surprise." He sounded just as embarrassed at being caught.

I got off the bed and walked ever to the door. "Wait here" I told Edward, as I got out of the bed.

Quickly I walked barefoot towards Frankie's room. I was embarrassed I just wish I knew why? We weren't doing anything bad after all. I knocked on his door and Frankie's amused voice spoke.

"Come in"

I opened the door and blushed harder when I saw him staring straight at me. He was sitting in his bed holding a book that said _creatures of the dark_.

"Uhm" I began.

"Just make sure all you're clothes stay on" he said chuckling. And I almost matched my hair color.

He looked at me again and burst out laughing.

"What?" I almost wailed.

"You face almost matches your hair! Even your eyes turned red from embarrassment!" he laughed harder and I felt like the heat in my face was enough to instantly warm the house.

"We aren't even doing anything bad" I muttered looking down.

"But it's at your age when the hormones are raging mad" he said laughing slightly.

"Merlin!" I said and turned and left. I waked into my room as fast as I could and as soon as I closed the door I felt Edwards warm arms close around my waist.

"At least he wasn't mad and he didn't kick me out" he said trying to make the both of us less embarrassed.

"At least" I agreed.

"Goodnight alex! And you too Edward!" said Frankie followed by his maniac laugh.

I looked up at Edward and we both burst out laughing.

"Come on Alex there's school tomorrow and you need rest" said Edward once he calmed down. He cradled me in his arms easily as if I didn't weigh a thing and carried me to the bed where he laid me down gently.

"Ugh you sound like a dad" I complained as he slipped under the covers as well.

"I'm glad I'm not your dad or I wouldn't be able to do this"

Before I had time to take in his sentence his lips were on mine. Acting on instinct my hands went to his hair and began to massage his scalp as I kissed him back. He angled his body so that he was hovering over my body.

He moaned into my mouth and then pulled away.

"Frankie's right" he muttered as he rolled off of me, "it's at this age when the hormones are out of control."

I laughed at that.

**Edwards pov**

I needed to calm down.

As much as I despised myself for thinking this, the bad thing about having had a sexual relationship before was that it was hard to abstain from it later on.

As soon as I thought this I became disgusted at myself. I sounded like a hormonal teenager.

Alex's voice brought me back from my ungentlemanly and disgusting thoughts.

"Edward?" she said once her breathing was back to normal

"Yes?" I asked as I looked up at the ceiling.

"Sometimes when I go to sleep" she began. Her voice sounded unsure. "I…dream things…things that aren't normal" upon hearing this I turned my gaze towards her.

"Are these the visions you talked about earlier?" I asked.

"Yeah something like that. But I'm not supposed to be dreaming these things….Dumbledore says they could be bad and voldemort could take advantage of it. I'm supposed to be blocking these things from my head but it's so hard" she looked down and began to play with her hands.

"What can I do?" I asked putting my index finger under her chin and making her look up.

"If at any time, while I sleep, you see something odd about me. Anything that might mean I'm dreaming….wake me up"

"I will" I promised. She smiled and kissed my cheek. Then she buried her face in my chest tucking her hands in between us. I wrapped my arms around her and within seconds she was asleep.

I looked at her taking in every detail about her sleeping habits. The way she curled into a small ball. How when she moved she made odd noises in the back of her throat like the way babies do. The way her lips pouted and how her hand would stiffen at times as if they were claws or she was holding something and then relax again. At times she would grasp my finger tightly. She literally slept like a baby. At time's I could hear her slightly hum a song. I couldn't recognize the tune but it was beautiful all the same.

How could such a beautiful girl go through so much pain, so much loss.

Voldemort was brought back to my mind and my thoughts turned murderous. He was the reason behind her suffering. He was the reason for why she lost her parents and had to grow up with her uncles who she despised so much. He is the reason for why she had suffered so much these past months and I wanted nothing more than to see that man dead.

I couldn't even call him a man. He wasn't a man; he was a monster, a demon.

And yet this demon was the reason I met Alex…

As good as the day had been voldemort had been in the back of my mind all day long. I wouldn't allow myself to think too much of him for I didn't want it to reflect in my expression. I was for the most part happy. Alex got along great with all of my family and that made me immensely happy. They liked her too and Alex liked them too. I was sure there was no happier man on earth than me. But he was always there in the back of my head.

When I dropped Alex off at her house I went back to my family and explained to them her situation. They expressed concern for her and Emmett was angry.

"Just let him try and get near her" he said menacingly as he cracked his knuckles. I couldn't help but smile.

I truly didn't deserve this girl. I felt so unworthy of her and yet it made me happy to know that she chose me despite my unworthiness and that she claimed to need me. And she loved me.

But it also worried me that she seemed to believe that she needed me. What if this didn't last?

No I couldn't allow myself to think like this. The day I leave her it will be because she will tell me to, because she will know that she doesn't need me. I shouldn't worry about that.

"So close" I heard Alex say. Her face was frowning, and she gripped my index finger tighter. "Almost there" she breathed. There was so much longing in her voice.

"Alex" I said gently shaking her. She shook her head and tugged on my finger.

"Alex" I repeated shaking her again.

It was till the fourth time I shook her that her eyes shot open and she sat up.

She looked around and her eyes fell on me. They seemed to darken and she shoved me.

"Why the hell did you wake me up!" she said angrily. I could only give her a confused look. She hissed slightly then looked away; she took a few deep breaths then seemed to relax.

In truth I felt a little hurt at her reaction.

"I'm sorry" she said sounding ashamed. "I didn't mean to get mad at you. It's just I was so close to the door"

"Sorry I woke you" I said quietly.

"Don't be, you did exactly what I asked you to do. Thanks, I wasn't supposed to be dreaming about that. And you're not the first one I've gotten mad at for waking me up like this. Hermione used to do it too. I don't know I've been having weird mood swings this year, Dumbledore assumes it's because of the connection between harry's head mines and voldemort's. We can sense his moods sometimes." she seemed deep in thought. "It's scary" she added quietly.

"I can imagine" I said leaning forward and hugging her from the back. I pulled her against my chest and she turned around to face me.

"I really am sorry" she murmured.

"Its fine" I said how could I not forgive her? "You should go back to sleep" I suggested as I stroked her soft hair

"What time is it?" she asked looking at the alarm clock.

"It's four in the morning" I replied pressing my cheek to her head.

"Nah I won't be able to sleep I already slept four hours. Ever since last year I'm lucky if I sleep for five hours. I don't know why…I used to sleep a lot."

"That's odd" I murmured

She raised her head and placed her lips by my ear.

"You want to know a secret?" she whispered.

I was a little taken aback by her sudden change of mood but played along anyway.

"Okay" I said a smile building up on my mouth.

"I'm in love" she whispered. And my whole body tingled with happiness.

"Who's the lucky man" I murmured.

"I can't tell you but I can give you a clue."

"All right" I said grinning like a fool.

"He is tall, pale, handsome, amazing eyes, alluring voice…I could keep telling you things about him and I would never finish"

"I give up" I said. She giggled

"May I have another clue?" I asked.

"Yes" she said and she lunged at me, and glued her lips to mine. Her nimble fingers buried themselves in my hair and gently pulled at it.

Her warm intoxicating breath clouded every coherent thought I had. I kissed her back just as eagerly my tongue traced the outline of her lips and she moaned and granted my tongue access to her mouth.

I grasped her shoulders tightly, and pulled her closer.

Not good enough. I wanted more.

Our tongues seemed to be dancing as we fought for dominance. And after a while she tried to pull back.

Her efforts were futile. I only growled and slid my hands down to her waist, pulling her closer to me, wanting to get lost in her.

She tried once more to pull away and I only held her tighter, unaware of anything. The apocalypse could have arrived and I wouldn't have noticed.

Her hands left my hair and she put them on my cheeks. It only fueled me further and I held her in an incredibly tight hold well tight for her. I didn't notice that till much later.

And I wanted more.

How would her blood taste?

Her whimper brought me crashing back to earth.

I immediately released my grasp on her and she tumbled to the bed. She coughed and wheezed like an asthmatic person. She grasped her throat and tried to catch her breath and return her heartbeat to normal.

I backed away as much as the bed allowed and I buried my face in my hands regaining my breath and feeling like a terrible monster. I was trying to tame that horrible thing inside of me that was begging me to get just a taste of that delicious blood.

What was I thinking? No, why wasn't I thinking? I could have hurt her. I could have killed her.

"I'm sorry" I whispered "please forgive me" I pleaded.

"For what?" she said once she was able to breath normally again. "You did nothing wrong Edward" she said gently.

"How can you say that" I hissed.

"Because you didn't its fine really" she tried to assure me but I didn't listen.

"No Alex it's not fine, I could have seriously hurt you. I could have killed you" I cried.

"But you didn't Edward. Don't you dare blame this on yourself "she warned.

I quickly put on my shoes.

"You're leaving?" she asked sounding upset, much to my dismay.

"I need to clear my mind Alex" I explained. _I need to get away from you as fast as possible to keep you safe_

She didn't answer. I turned to her and raised my hand to stroke her cheek. She turned her head away.

"I'll see you at school" she said angrily and she got up and walked into her bathroom.

I felt awful and I considered waiting for her to get out. But I didn't want to push the limit. So I quickly left.

I would apologize for my carelessness at school.

**Alex's pov**

I gave him the impression that I was mad at him then good, because I was.

I was just mad at him for different reasons than he thought.

I didn't want him to blame himself for what happened, it wasn't his fault. Accidents happened right? Edward was too hard on himself.

But I did feel bad about being mean to him but he was gone already so I couldn't apologize.

Would it always be like this?

I sighed as the question popped into my head.

As a punishment for my actions I had an extremely cold shower. Yeah I was a masochist, so? My sides hurt a lot though.

And I saw the reason for it when I got out of the shower.

As I looked at my bare body I could see parts of my sides already bruising, mainly my shoulders and my waist, where Edward had held me.

Great it was going to be one hell of a day. I don't even want to imagine how Edward would react if he found out about this.

I put on my clothes very slowly. My teeth were still chattering as I dressed in a gray and black sweater with jeans and my chucks.

Dammit!

I still had time.

I settled for cleaning my room and bathroom. All while I cleaned I tried to move fast without wincing. I just hoped Edward wouldn't notice, he isn't exactly blind so him not noticing almost sounds impossible.

Almost

Still after a while I settled for a slow pace. I wasn't getting anywhere with my method.

I went down the stairs wincing at the movement. Incredible I wasn't bruised at my legs and yet it hurt to walk!

"Hey kid!" said Frankie as he made some eggs. "How did you _sleep_" he gave me pointed look.

"Hush" I said as I tried to reach a cereal box from the cupboard. I hissed at the movement. My efforts were futile I still couldn't reach it, it was too high up.

"Frankie help" I gasped.

"Sure, what's wrong?" he asked as he took down the box.

Crap if he noticed then Edward definitely will.

"I don't know I think I slept wrong" I said.

"Oh poor you. Where's Edward?"

"He left early I don't know why" I said shrugging and regretting it.

I drove extremely slow, slower than an old lady without glasses. I was trying to prolong the moment of seeing Edward. Then again if I made it late to school then I would have to walk quickly to class and I don't think I can handle that.

As soon as the thought crossed my mind I stepped harder on the gas pedal.

Once I parked I reached over to the passenger's side to get my big.

Major mistake.

"Holy mother fucking shit!" I yelped in pain. I sat up straight again and let out a low hiss.

"Alex?" Edward's worried voice said as he opened the car door.

Ah fuck my life!

I closed my eyes and put my head against the headrest.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I….forgot my wand" I quickly lied.

"Alex" he said in a reproaching tone that told me that he knew that I was lying.

"What?" I said opening my eyes to see him. His exquisite face was much closer to mine than I expected.

"Tell me Alex?" he pleaded.

"Really I forgot my wand" I said. He shook his head in disbelief. I undid my seatbelt thankful he hadn't asked me anything else. He gave me his hand and I took it as he helped me out of the car.

"Alex" he said putting both arms against my car on either side of me. I looked up at him and saw his pleading expression. "I'm sorry about what happened earlier today, I'm sorry if I got you mad and I'm sorry for my thoughtless acts. I'm sorry for choking you-"

"You say sorry too much for you own good" I mumbled looking away.

"Please forgive me for putting you in danger" he said pleaded. "Sorry doesn't justify what I did I know but-"

"Edward you did nothing wrong, seriously. You have nothing to be sorry for I'm not complaining you know? Really you acted on impulse I completely understand that."

I put my hands in his waist and pulled him into a hug. People passing by looked at us amazed.

"You always find a way to justify even my less honorable acts melody" he said sighed as he hugged me back.

"You're just too harsh on yourself." I mumbled.

"I really am sorry though it was irresponsible of me"

"I'll kick you the next time you say that" I threatened and his eyes became bright with amusement.

He grabbed me by the waist and got my bag and walked me towards that school. Everyone stared at us as we walked by them. I could care less, right now I was trying to catch up with Edward's graceful steps and he held me by the waist which hurt a lot. My eyes watered in pain.

Once we stopped in front of my first class he turned me and his expression turned concerned as he saw my eyes.

"What's wrong Alex?" he asked holding me at arms length by the shoulder.

Cullen! Please move your hands!

"I don't know I'm an emotional person" I lied.

"When did you become such a bad liar?" he asked

"Liar, I'm not lying are you lying to me about me lying to you? Because if you are that makes you the liar not me" my weak attempts at causing him confusion were useless.

"I will figure out what's wrong Alex, you've acting weird"

"Try you won't find anything" I challenged. I rubbed my eyes clean of the tears that had formed.

"Do I get a goodbye kiss?" I asked. He smiled and kissed my cheek.

"You can't be serious right Edward?" I said raising an eyebrow. He chuckled and quickly pecked me on the lips.

"I will see you later" he told me before walking away.

Obviously avoiding him today would be impossible. He was outside of my classroom when I got out. And it was much the same the whole day. He didn't ask again about my odd behavior but he did seem to get impatient at my slow pace. He seemed pretty close to just picking me up and carry me around to my classes.

We sat with his family that day, Emmett was so entertaining.

And now Edward was driving my car. Alice and the rest had taken his and he was driving towards my house.

When he parked he turned to me a determined look on his face. I couldn't help but gaze at him and think of how nice that shirt looked on him. Everything looked nice on him anyways.

"What?" I said when his expression processed in my mind.

"Okay tell me what has been going on with you all day long?"

"Nothing has been going on with me" I said calmly. His determined expression turned to one of hurt.

"Don't you trust me?" he said quietly.

"I do" I said trying to sound reasonable.

"Then why wont you tell me?" he asked looking at me from under his eyelashes. This boy wants to kill me.

"There's nothing to tell" my uncertain tone gave away my lie.

"Alex" he breathed leaning closer to me. My breath caught, why does he have to be so irresistible? "You know I trust you?" he whispered.

"Yeah" I said gulping.

"Then why won't you trust me? You know you can tell me anything" his lips brushed against my cheekbone and I blinked four times trying to clear my head from his alluring scent.

"I know" I said sighing. He pulled back with a look of satisfaction. Sensing I was going to tell him.

I already had my bag in my hand. I opened the door and quickly got out grunting in pain at the sudden movement.

I took one step and he was already behind me holding me by the waist.

"Where do you think you're going?" he said playfully and he lifted me and threw me over hi shoulder. He ran over to the door gracefully and in one second we were in and he seated me in the couch. I couldn't help the howl of pain that erupted from me when he gently sat me down.

"Alex?" he said frightened.

I had my hands on my waist as I closed my eyes and tried to push away the pain.

I felt his hands move mines aside and he lifted my shirt.

I heard a horrified gasp and his hands left my shirt.

"No, no, no what did I do?" he moaned in pain.

"You did nothing" I said angrily.

"Look at yourself melody I hurt you. That's why you've been like this all day. Oh my god no" he put his hands on his face as he kept muttering profanities at himself.

"Edward" I said gently and I reached to move his hands away but he wouldn't move.

"Edward its fine really I'm just-"

"How can you say it's fine?" he growled angrily. "Can you not see what I did and I know I caused much more damage to you!"

"Calm down Edward trust me, I don't know what wrong with me right now I know the pain isn't much I'm just over reacting" I tried desperately to make him feel better. I didn't want to see him like this.

"Alex why are you tying to make me the good person here?" he said looking up at me, the anger and pain still evident in his eyes and expression.

"Because you did nothing wrong" I said as I slid myself off the couch. Trying my hardest not to wince, but nothing escapes Edward. He frowned upon seeing my grimace.

I took his face in both of my hands making him look at me.

"Edward I know things like these are going to happen; only time will make it get better. Edward it's not like you broke me or something you know? Their just bruises they will go away"

"The pain-" he began to argue but I cut him off.

"Edward I've gone trough worse pain. Once in my second year I lost all the bones in my right arm. It's nasty business regrowing them. This is nothing compared to that, I'm just being a sissy" I said.

He didn't look convinced at all. He just closed his eyes, pain and sadness etched into his face.

"I'm sorry Alex" he whispered shaking his head. "I am the most worthless, despicable-"

Though I knew it wouldn't hurt him I slapped him.

"It hurts more to hear you talk like this about yourself than the bruises" I scolded.

"Please Edward let's not talk about this." I whispered in a gentle tone I brushed aside the locks of hair that fell on his face. "Don't think about it forget it, for me" I wrapped hands around his neck and nuzzled my face in his neck.

"I can't ever forget something like this Alex" he said exhaling sharply.

I grunted in an annoyed tone.

"But I wont bring it up for your sake" he said as he sighed. Ever so gently wrapping his arms around me. "But now I'm much more afraid of holding you" he admitted miserably.

"Don't be" I murmured against the skin of his neck. "And don't worry time will help us perfect our impulses."

"This won't happen again" he vowed. I kissed him under his jaw.

"Thank you" he whispered.

"For what?" I asked.

"For loving me"

"You over react to much" I said rolling m eyes at him.

"I just don't want to hurt you" he tried to reason.

"Thank you" I said.

"For what?"

"Loving me"

* * *

**as always feel free to tell me what you think **

**ih an by the way** **it was brought to my attention by the awesome bellacullen2312 that you had to be 17 to enter the triwizard tournament**

**she is so right i dont know what i was thinking lol **

**okay then....**

**-airali**

* * *


	21. i dont want to miss a thing

**alright sorry for the delay guys **

**omg i'm so happy i got many reviews for the last chapter thanks to allthose who reviewed **

**thank you to edwardandbella4ever for volunteeringto posting this chapter ****but as you can see i gothitby luck and my moms boyfriend lent me his laptop and i wa able to steal a signal **

**lol **

**thanks a million to auriane **

**i loved ur review thank you so much for even liking it you hhave no idea how happyyour review made me and now i really do want to become a writer **

**i promise that if i ever write a book i will dedicate it to you **

**but for now this is the least i can do **

**this chapter is dedicated to you**

**it isnt much but i hope you like it **

**onward **

* * *

alex's pov

"Where are my robes?" I muttered angrily as I ran around the room like a psycho.

"I'm sure their somewhere here" said Edward as he calmly helped me to look for them. If only I had his patience.

I ran around looking for them as I attempted to put on my shoe at the same time. Instead I crashed into the bedside table and fell back before Edward got to me. He'd had his back to me so he didn't see my stumbling.

As soon as my body collided with the floor though Edward was beside me sitting me up gently.

"Are you alright?" he asked checking me over to see if I hurt myself.

"No I'm fine thank you" I said as I shoved my foot into the shoe.

"You didn't make sense but I found them" he said raising his hand to show me the black cloth I had failed to see in his hand before. I gave a sigh of relief.

"Thanks so much" I said taking them and standing up.

"Where did you find them?" I asked as I put them on.

"On a shelf in your closet" he said amused as he sat in the edge of the bed.

"Of course" I muttered, as I fastened the buttons.

"So what happens if you're late anyway?" he said as he watched me get ready.

"I don't know but the last time I was late McGonagall gave me a look that told me that I didn't want to know what would happen next time I was late"

I went to my closet to look for my bag. I still had to gather all my books.

Why didn't I do this yesterday?

Edward tapped my shoulder and I turned to look at him.

He was holding my bag already full of books with a mocking smile.

"Thanks" I muttered taking it. "And wipe that smile of your face" I grunted but couldn't help but smile as well.

He chuckled. "Something told me you wouldn't do it last night so I took the liberty of arranging them for you while you slept." He said still smiling.

"I seriously don't know what I would do without you" I said seriously as I took the bag and slung it over my shoulder.

"and I seriously don't want to find out" he chuckled as he began pulling me downstairs, where Frankie was quietly waiting as he sat still on the couch, The emerald green flames already dancing happily on the fire.

"Ready!" I sang.

**Edward's pov **

Her happy mood seemed to have a big effect on me. I knew, however, that as soon as she left the worry would come crashing into me.

We walked towards the fire. Seeing Alex use magic or just seeing magic didn't yet fail to amaze me. I felt so weak next to her when I saw her practicing with Frankie.

It wasn't a bad thing. I actually somehow liked the feeling. It showed me she was strong and capable of taking very good care of herself. And it gave me some sense of security that she was going to be all right this weekend. It never stopped me from taking care of her though.

She turned towards me to say goodbye.

Good thing it was only for the weekend.

She frowned as she looked at me. I tried to put a happy face but heaven knows what she had found there.

"Calm down" she said for what felt the millionth time. She raised her hand to stroke the length of my cheekbone. I gave her an apologetic smile.

"There are so many reasons for why you shouldn't worry." She murmured.

I heard Frankie leave the room thinking something about giving us some private time.

"And what are those reasons?" I asked softly.

"One I'm not going to die" she said.

She had a point. I was overreacting. But I am not to blame. I had lost too much in the past and I was not willing to take chances now. Alex was in enough danger to make me go paranoid. Whenever I told her how worried I was she would just wave it off saying that I really shouldn't be worried, that it wasn't like she was going to walk in front of voldemort with a sign saying 'I'm here now kill me'.

I tried to see it her way but I couldn't. I really did admire her courage after everything she gone through she is still sane. Better yet she has known so much hate for years yet Alex doesn't know how to hate. She had a very pure soul.

"Second you can bet I'll be coming back." That made my spirits rise even though I was aware she planned to come back Monday morning.

"Third I am as safe as Alexandra melody potter can be" we both frowned right after she said that. If she had still managed to face voldemort within the school grounds then she wasn't as safe as I would like her to be.

"Stop whatever you're thinking about that" she said moving her hands to place them on my temples and add slight pressure to them. I closed my eyes as I savored the feeling of her warm hands on my face.

"Four, you know this is regarding my education which is highly important especially in times like these" I silently nodded.

"Five is do you get my point?" I smiled at that.

"Can you blame me for worrying?" I argued back as I opened my eyes and placed both hands on either side of her face.

"I guess not" she sighed.

"And I see your point but still" I said.

"Please calm down." She gave me a pleading look "I want to come home to find my boyfriend not a paranoid freak?"

"Are you calling me a paranoid freak?" I asked chuckling. She gave me grim grin.

"I'm saying you might become a paranoid freak if you keep worrying too much." She said in a reasonable voice. "Not that it makes a difference, paranoid or not I'll still love you but still…"

I laughed. That's good to know.

"I promise to at least try to not worry" I said kissing her. She closed her eyes and gave a content hum.

"I think I've know you enough to conclude that you will still be very much worried over the weekend" she said wrapping her arms around my neck.

"Weren't _you_ worrying about getting late to school?" I said giving a mischievous grin. Her eyes seemed to be on the verge of popping out as the sentence quickly sank in.

"Damn your right" she tried to reach my lips and I leaned in to kiss her. She gave me an urgent kiss putting her hands on the back of my head and pressing me harder to her, then immediately ended it and called Frankie.

"Bye shrimp" he said walking in and giving her a hug.

"Bye" she said hurriedly, and then she walked into the flames that matched her eyes to perfection, gave us one last smile before shouting.

"Hogwarts!" then she disappeared and the worry seemed to collide with me and posses me.

"Don't worry" Frankie said as if he had read my thoughts. He sat down on a couch and I sat in the one opposite of him.

"It's hard not to" I said sincerely.

"I suppose so" he said.

"Don't _you_ worry?" I asked, though I didn't have to. His thoughts were very calm and sympathetic towards me.

"No I don't, she is under the care of Dumbledore so she is very safe. Granted, she has faced voldemort in the school grounds two times before. But both times Dumbledore had not been present in the school."

"Yet they still managed to lure Alex and her brother _and_ cedric out of the school last year and they almost got killed by voldemort" I said trying to keep my voice even. Just thinking about all this made me further more nervous.

_Guess you really are in love if you're worrying so much about her going to school _

"She's the best part of my life" I muttered looking at the floor.

_Correction. I notice things Edward and I can conclude that she _is_ your life. _

I gave a half laugh. "She is my life" I repeated smiling like a fool. I was momentarily overtaken by the joy those words brought to me. "How can you expect me not to worry about my life?" I asked still smiling.

He smiled as well.

"Trust me everyone is watching her and harry. No one ever takes their eyes off of them. Besides right now voldemort doesn't want to make himself know to the public. Not yet, so it is not in his best interest to attempt to penetrate the wall of Hogwarts under the watch of Dumbledore."

I had nothing to say to this. But this weekend was going to be excruciatingly long.

**Alex's pov **

I was met by professor McGonagall as I came out of the fireplace.

"Good you're just on time" she said as I dusted myself off.

"Yes, good evening professor" I said politely.

"Good evening. Now run along I need to go talk to professor flitwick" I hastily made my way out of her office and went towards the dormitories where I hoped harry was.

I met various people on my way there.

"Neville" I said as he walked by me. He turned around abruptly.

"Alex!" he called enthusiastically. "You look better!" he added, I rolled my eyes but couldn't help but smile.

"Have you seen harry?" I asked.

"He headed to the great hall with Hermione and Ron to eat not long ago" he said. "I was headed there as a matter of fact"

"Great! So you don't mind if I join you?" I asked.

"Not at all" I walked towards him and looped my arm through his and we made our way to the great hall.

As I walked I noticed how much I had truly changed. Not physically but emotionally. Before, as I walked down the corridors of this very school I half expected to see Cedric's ghost around the corner. Even months after he was gone I still expected to see him. Fear and pain always was with me, and at the turn of every corner I only found emptiness nothing more.

The fear was now gone and the pain was very well hidden, it wasn't a threat anymore. As of now I didn't expect him but I expected the emptiness that would no longer hurt me. It was just a mere scar now. And I know that's how Cedric would have wanted it to be.

"It's good to see you in such bright spirits" Neville noted when we were close to the great hall.

"It's good to feel in such bright spirits" I said, breaking out of my thoughts.

I was eager to see harry and tell him about my good fortune. I wanted him to know about Edward. I also missed Edward terribly though it had only been minutes. The past week we had been inseparable. He would stay and watch me practice with Frankie. He would help me study when it didn't require magic. And every night he stayed with me always waiting for me to wake up.

Neville and I entered the great hall and I searched the Gryffindor table for harry Ron and Hermione. Immediately Hermione's bushy hair caught my attention. She sat across from harry and Ron. All three were talking animatedly.

"I'm off mate" I said to Neville then waved goodbye and ran towards my brother.

"I'm starving" I said shoving harry aside to make some room for me.

He turned around perplexed. He took a look at me and his expression went from amazed to ecstatic.

"Alex!" he said and hugged me. I returned the hug.

"There, there, harry, it's no reason to try to suffocate me" I said patting his back.

He let go of me and gave me a long and happy look. Hermione and Ron had the same expressions.

"But seriously I didn't eat anything at forks." I eyed the food hungrily.

"How?" harry asked.

He didn't need to say anything else I knew what he was talking about.

"Sometimes you need a little help to heal" I said giving him a pointed look.

And it was one of those rare times that I was able to hear his thoughts, a gift that was usually only granted to us when we were in danger or scared. It was a bond we had had since we were little.

_Who?_

I smiled at my brother's quick mind.

_Someone really special_

He thought about it for a second. Then he enveloped me in another hug.

"I'm in his debt then. He gave me my sister back" he murmured.

Only when he pulled back and brushed away the tears did I realize I was crying.

"I've _already_ paid him with my heart" I whispered. "And it is the best choice I have ever made" I regretted nothing. He gave a delighted smile and kissed my cheek.

I ate rather quickly then we all made our way to the common room.

"So who's the guy?" Hermione asked as we took a seat in the empty common room.

"Edward Cullen" I said "he goes to school with me."

"So he's a muggle?" asked Ron.

I nodded. But my feelings gave me away; my feelings however, weren't something Hermione and Ron could detect. Harry however saw right trough my lie.

_What is he?_

_**I'm not supposed to tell anyone else harry. You have to promise me not say it to a single soul harry not even **__**Ron and Hermione. Edward trust's me with this secret. **_

_I promise _

**Vampire**

His eyes snapped to mines. Seeking for the confirmation and I know he found it for he abruptly turned away.

**Can we talk later?**

He nodded as he looked at the fireplace.

"Since when?" asked Hermione.

"I'd known him for months now. But if you're talking romantically barely last week."

"A muggle?" asked Ron again.

"You have something against muggles boy?" I asked raising an eyebrow at him.

"No I just see it odd." He said indignantly.

"Does he know?" asked Hermione curiously.

Should I tell her? Harry had turned around and all three were looking at me expectantly.

"My silence already gave me away anyway" I muttered before nodding.

Hermione gasped.

"Why? You know he can't know about us melody" she said in that reproaching tone that made me feel like she desperately needed to become a mother.

"I know but I couldn't keep it away from him. I love him and I can't keep the biggest part of my life away from him" I said, trying to make her understand that.

"Love is a strong word don't you think?" she said frowning. I gave her a defiant look.

"I do know that Hermione thank you very much" I snapped.

"What about cedric?" she said, then seemed to regret it. Both Ron and harry glared at her.

"I won't forget him and I still love him very much. But I can't stay in the past forever can I? Not unless I have a death wish" I said coldly.

"I'm sorry" she whispered "it wasn't my intention to bring it up. I'm really sorry Alex" she pleaded. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down.

"It's fine Hermione, really, but trust me when I say that I have no doubt that I love him. If you met him Hermione you would understand."

"Then we all hope to meet him soon" said harry. I looked at him and smiled.

"Thank you" I said.

I kept talking to them about Edward.

That same night I walked out of the girls dormitory and was met by harry at the end of the stairs.

We walked together and silently to the empty common room. Everyone was currently sleeping.

Edward sat in a comfortable chair by the fire and I sat on the floor leaning against his legs.

"Now explain this situation" he said calmly.

"Well what can I say we met in school and I found out he was a vampire some time ago. And he found out about me that same day"

"How did it happen?" he asked sensing my uneasiness.

"I was walking through the woods at the wrong time and well I used a shielding spell to protect myself from him. He tried to attack me" I added the last sentence in a barely audible voice.

"Why?" he asked sounding alert.

"He was hunting and I crossed him when he is most dangerous."

"Do you really not care for you life at all midget?" he said irritated.

"Leave me alone. He hunts animals not humans"

"That's interesting" he said

I figured he didn't need to know the part of Edward being specially attracted to my blood.

"Does he know about you?" he asked. I knew what that meant.

"No" I sighed.

"Are you planning on telling him?" he asked as he took my hair in his fingers and gently pulled at it. A gesture he knew I loved, it always relaxed me.

"I don't know. I'm afraid of what he will think" I confessed.

"If he really does love you then he wont care" he said reproaching me for my thoughts.

"I know that but…I don't know…there's just some thing s better left alone" I said sighing.

"I can't say I agree with you decision but I won't bother you with it. But you know he will notice that you don't age eventually."

"I know I'm working on a plan for that" I groaned at the reminder. In truth I hadn't thought about that during the whole week.

"Good then" he said. "So you really like him?" he asked tentatively.

I smiled to myself. "More than that" I said then I reached behind me and found his hand. I thought about the memory of Edward and me at his house.

"You love him" harry said as we pulled out of the memory.

"Love is the correct word mate" I said hugging his leg. He laughed at my childish gestures.

My evaluation was good as always. But those two days had been unbearably slow. Nevertheless I was happy to spend sometime with my brother and my friends I hadn't done that in ages.

Soon it was Sunday and we were in the room of requirement teaching the members of the D.A. how to make a patronus.

Everyone talked to me comfortably again. Before they had been afraid to even give me a look of pity, they couldn't know how I would react; I would scream at them or burst into tears. All of that seemed long forgotten though.

Everyone was practicing excitedly.

"Like this Seamus" I said walking towards him. I demonstrated how to make the patronus.

"Just focus on the happiest memory you have" I told him. I watched as he attempted it again. He had a bit more progress.

"You're getting somewhere just -" I was cut short when I heard the door open and close. We all turned towards it but I didn't see anyone come in. I walked towards harry as I saw many people surrounding him.

I muttered excuse me's as I tried to make my way to harry. When I finally got there I saw a house elf with his eyes filled with terror.

That can't be good.

"Harry potter sir…" dobby squeaked as he trembled. "Harry potter sir…dobby has come to warn you…but the house elves have been warned not to tell…"

He made a go to the wall but I caught him in my arms before he could beats himself up. Harry came towards me and the struggling elf.

"What happened dobby" he said almost fearfully. He took hold of dobby's arms as he tried to hit himself with them.

"Harry potter…she…she…" he tried to hit himself with my arm harry took both of dobby's small hands into one his and held dobby's head up.

"Who is 'she' dobby?" I asked urgently, though I already had some kind of idea of who we were talking about. And surely harry did too.

"Umbridge?" asked harry in horror.

Dobby nodded and I held him tighter as he struggled to beat himself again.

"What about her? Dobby- she hasn't found out about this- about us-about the D.A.?"

Dobby's expression confirmed it. What are we still doing here then!

Harry heard that thought.

"Is she coming?" I whispered already knowing the answer.

"Yes Alex potter yes!" shrieked the elf.

_They need to go harry!_ I thought wildly.

Harry looked up at everyone who was immobilized.

"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? RUN!" he screamed and that broke their trance. They all made a go for the exit.

Harry yanked dobby away from me and took my hand and pulled me out of the room of requirement. I ran as well thinking of running to the owlery. It wasn't that far away…

"Dobby-this is an order" harry said speaking to dobby. "get back down to the kitchen with the other elves, and if she asks you if you warned us, lie and say no!" harry said as we sprinted along the corridors.

"And I forbid you to hurt yourself!" I added.

"Thank you" dobby squeaked as harry let go of him and he ran off.

We split up so that it wouldn't be so suspicious but as soon as we began to head in opposite direction he fell and I followed.

Just what I need!

"Trip jinx potter!" I heard Malfoy's disgusting voice say gleefully then he called _her. _

She came breathless but smiling evilly.

Then Umbridge dragged both harry and I to Dumbledore's office.

I guess this is the bad feeling Edward had been referring to.

We walked into the headmaster's office and we saw that it was full. Fudge -The minister-, and Kingsley and another auror were there along with Percy Weasley, professor McGonagall and Dumbledore who sat behind his desk seeming perfectly calm. As if this was a mere business meeting. The portraits of the head masters and mistresses were wide awake today. Some began to whisper when we came in. Harry and I pulled ourselves free of the toads grasp.

"Well, well, well" said fudge, my head snapped to his direction. He had a nasty grin on his face.

"They were heading back to the Gryffindor tower" Umbridge said.

Correction I was going to the owlery and Harry was going who knows where.

Could her voice get any nastier?

"The Malfoy boy cornered them"

"Did he, did he?" fudge said approvingly. "I must remember to tell Lucius."

I looked at Dumbledore, but he didn't look back. What is he trying to show with this serene mask?

"I expect you both know why you are here?" I heard fudge ask.

I cut harry off before he could fully answer. Never taking my eyes off Dumbledore, I saw him focus on something past were harry was and I could have sworn he shook his head just a fraction of an inch to each side.

"No" I answered. Everyone looked at me.

"I beg you pardon?" fudge said, giving me an incredulous look.

"No" I repeated.

"You _don't_ know why you are here?" he asked.

Harry seemed to have catched up.

"No we don't" he said firmly.

I looked around the room, trying to make it seem like I really didn't know why I was still here.

"So you have no idea" fudge said sarcastically. I looked at him again, with a perfectly normal innocent look. "Why professor Umbridge has brought both of you to this office? You are not aware that you have broken school rules?"

"School rules?" I scoffed "no"

"Or ministry decrees?"

"Not that I'm aware. How many new one have you made since I last came anyways?" I said mockingly.

Harry nudged me.

_SHUT UP!_

I huffed and looked away.

How are we going to get out of this one anyway?

"So it's news to you, is it? That an illegal student organization has been discovered within this school?"

Their better informed than I thought? Ah damn I'm definitely getting expelled now. This is not what I wanted.

"Yes it is" said harry seeming just a bit too innocent.

"I think minister" said Umbridge in that voice that gave me Goosebumps-not in a good way- she sounded utterly delighted. "We might make better progress if I fetch our informant."

Oh yes I want to see this traitor for myself.

"Yes, yes, do" said fudge, giving Dumbledore a malicious look. "There's nothing like a good witness is there, Dumbledore?"

"Nothing at all, Cornelius" Dumbledore said gravely.

We waited in silence for a few minutes and then Umbridge came back with none other than cho's friend Marietta.

I didn't think she could go so low. She hid her face with her hands but I knew it wasn't from shame.

"Don't be scared, dear, don't be frightened," Umbridge said softly. Well I don't know what was wrong with her but she should be frightened. "It's quite alright, now. You have done the right thing. The minister is very pleased with you. He'll be telling your mother what a good girl you've been. Marietta's mother minister is madam Edgecombe from the department of magical transportation Floo network office- she's been helping us police the Hogwarts fires, you know?"

"Jolly good, jolly good!" fudge said delightedly. "Like mother like daughter eh? Well, come on, now, dear, look up, don't be shy, let's hear what you've got to- galloping gargoyles!"

"Whoa!" I said backing away. Oh yeah she should definitely be frightened.

When she raised her head I saw her face was disfigured with angry close-set purple pustules that ran across her nose and cheeks and formed the words SNEAK.

Bless Hermione.

Marietta wailed when she heard our reactions and wailed then covered her face again.

Oh bless Hermione again.

"Never mind the spots now dear" Umbridge said impatiently. "Just take your robes away from your mouth and tell the minister-"

Marietta gave a muffled wail and shook her head frantically.

"Oh very well, you silly girl, _I'll _tell him"

I sighed and zoned out. This was giving me a headache.

I can't deny that a small part of me was scared. Getting expelled was the last thing I needed and I couldn't see how harry and I would get out of this one. What was Dumbledore planning on doing? Or had he already lost his mind?

"I think you will find you're wrong there Dolores" I looked at Dumbledore.

What did I miss?

"Oho!" exclaimed fudge, making me jump. I looked at him with wide eyes. "Yes, do let's hear the latest cock-and-bull story designed to pull them out of trouble! Go on, then, Dumbledore, go on-willy widdershins was lying, was he? Or was it the potters other identical twins in the hog's head that day? Or is there the usual simple explanation involving a reversal of time, a dead man coming back to life, and a couple of invisible dementors?"

What repressed feelings can do to a person right?

I heard Percy laugh.

"Oh very good, minister, very good!"

Kiss up.

"Cornelius" spoke Dumbledore, turned my sight to him. Surprisingly he had a gentle smile on his face. "I do not deny-nor, I am sure, doe neither harry or Alex- that they were in the hogs head that day nor that they were trying to recruit students to a defense against the dark arts group. I am merely pointing out that Dolores is quite wrong to suggest that such a group was, at the time, illegal. If you remember, the ministry decree banning all student societies was not put into effect until two day's after harry and Alex's hogsmeade meeting, so they were not breaking any rules in the hog's head at all."

Oh I would have never thought about that. But how did this help?

I wasn't the only one speechless. But Umbridge was the first to break the silence.

"That's all very fine, headmaster" she said with a sweet smile. "But we are now nearly six months on from the introduction of educational decree number twenty-four. If the first meeting was not illegal, all those that have happened since most certainly are"

"Well," responded Dumbledore. What is he getting at? He stared interestedly at his interlocked fingers. "They certainly _would _be, of they _had_ continued after the decree came into effect. Do you have any evidence that these meetings continued?

Does he not see Marietta! That sneak is live proof of what we have been doing!

"Evidence?" Umbridge repeated. "Have you not been listening, Dumbledore? Why do you think Miss Edgecombe is here?"

My point exactly!

"Oh, can she tell us about six months' worth of meetings?" Dumbledore said raising his eyebrows. "I was under the impression that she was merely reporting a meeting tonight"

"Miss Edgecombe" Umbridge said turning to her. "Tell us how long these meetings have been going on, dear. You can simply nod or shake your head; I'm sire that won't make the spots worse. Have been happening regularly over the last six months?"

Dead end. I could feel Harry's uneasiness and it was affecting me as well.

"Just nod or shake you head" said Umbridge "come on, that won't activate the jinx further…."

Still she would not talk. He r eyes looked oddly blank, and then she shook her head, taking me by surprise. I don't think I was the only one with this reaction.

"I don't think you understood the question, did you, dear? I'm asking whether you've been going to these meetings for the past six months. You have, haven't you?"

She shook her head again.

"What do you mean by shaking your head dear?" Umbridge said sowing hints of impatience.

"I would have thought the meaning was quite clear" professor McGonagall said harshly. "There have been no secret meetings for the past six months. Is that correct Miss Edgecombe?"

Marietta nodded.

At least she is playing along now.

"But there was a meeting tonight!" Umbridge said furiously. A bit more and she could probably go into hysterics.

"There was a meeting, Miss Edgecombe, you told me about it, in the room of requirement! And potter was the leader, was he not, both of the potters organized it, the potters- _why are shaking your head, girl?" _

"Well usually when a person shakes their head" McGonagall said coldly. "They mean 'no'. so unless miss Edgecombe is using a form of sign language as yet unknown to human-"

She really did hate Umbridge.

Umbridge seemed o have lost all civilized sense. She pulled Marietta to face her and began shaking her hard. I made to move towards her but in that very second Harry took my arm to stop me and Dumbledore was up with his wand raised. Boy did he look angry. I did an awkward cringe when I saw his expression.

If looks could kill, Umbridge would have already fallen flat on the ground.

Umbridge immediately leapt back from Marietta waving her hands in the air as of she had been burned.

"I cannot allow you to manhandle my students, Dolores" Dumbledore said.

"You want to calm yourself madam Umbridge," said Kingsley I that deep slow voice of his. "You don't want to get yourself in trouble now"

"No" she said in a breathless voice. "I mean, yes- you're right shacklebolt-I-I forgot myself"

Marietta didn't seemed disturbed by this at all she was still too busy covering the ugly pustules.

"Dolores" fudge said trying to settle this whole situation once and for all. "This meeting tonight- the one we know definitely happened-"

"Yes" she said. "Yes… well, Miss Edgecombe tipped me off and I proceeded at once to the seventh floor, accompanied by certain trustworthy students, so as to catch those in the meeting red-handed. It appears that they were forewarned of my arrival, however, because when we reached the seventh floor they were running in every direction. It does not matter, however. I have al their names here, Miss Parkinson ran into the room of requirement for me to see if they had left anything behind…we needed evidence and the room provided…"

Shit.

It was the paper that everyone of the clubs member had signed. Every single name was in there.

"The moment I saw the potters name on the list, I knew what we were dealing with"

Oh how nice.

"Excellent" fudge said smiling as he read the names on the list. "Excellent Dolores. And…by thunder…"

He looked up at Dumbledore who was still standing with his wan held loosely in his hand.

"See what they've named themselves?" fudge said quietly. "Dumbledore's_ army."_

My insides went cold.

Dumbledore took the paper and examined it. He looked up smiling.

Why is he smiling!? This isn't something to smile about!

"Well, the game is up" he said. What game? There is no game! "Would you like a confession from me, Cornelius- or will a statement before these witnesses suffice?"

I know I'm not the only one confused here.

"Statement?" fudge said sounding as confused as I felt. "What- I don't-?"

"Dumbledore's army, Cornelius" Dumbledore said still smiling happily. "Not potter's army. _Dumbledore's army_"

"but- but-"

But is correct minister.

Then he seemed to understand.

"You" he whispered.

"That's right" Dumbledore said, sounding much too pleasant.

"You organized this?"

"I did" Dumbledore said.

"You recruited these students for your- for your army?"

"Tonight was supposed to be the first meeting merely to see whether they would be interested in joining me. I see now it was a mistake to invite Miss Edgecombe, of course."

Marietta nodded.

"Then you _have _been plotting against me!" he yelled.

"That's right," Dumbledore said cheerfully.

"NO!" both Harry and I shouted. Both McGonagall and Kingsley shot us warning and threatening looks.

"no- professor Dumbledore!" Harry said.

"Be quiet, Harry, or I'm afraid you will have to leave my office." Dumbledore said quietly.

"Yes shut up potter" barked fudge. My eyes narrowed and a growl built inside of me. Harry put a reassuring hand on my arm. "Well, well, well- I came here tonight expecting to expel the potter and instead-"

"Instead you get to arrest me" Dumbledore finished for him. "It's like loosing a nut and finding a galleon, isn't it?"

"Weasley!" cried fudge happily, he had lost it, I'm sure. "Weasley, have you written it all down, everything he's said, his confession, have you got it?"

"Yes, sir, I think so, sir!" Percy said scribbling wildly in his notepad.

"The bit about how he's been trying to build up an army against the ministry, how he's been working to destabilize me?"

"Yes, sir, I've got it, yes" Percy said triumphantly.

"Very well then, duplicate your notes, weasley, and send a copy th the _daily prophet _at once. If we send a fast owl we should make te morning edition!" Percy ran out of the room like a kid running towards his presents on Christmas. I have never seen him this happy.

Fudge turned back to Dumbledore. "You will now be escorted back to the ministry, where you will be formally charged and then sent to Azkaban to await trial!"

"Ah," Dumbledore said gently. "Yes. Yes, I thought we might hit that little snag"

What?

"What snag? I see no snag, Dumbledore!"

"Well, I'm afraid I do" said Dumbledore apologetically.

"Oh really?"

"Well- it's just that you seem to be laboring under the delusion that I am going to- what is the phrase? 'Come quietly.' I am afraid I am not going to come quietly at all, Cornelius. I have absolutely no intention of being sent to Azkaban. I could break out of course- but what a waste of time, and frankly, I can think of a whole host of things I would rather be doing.

"So" fudge sneered "you intend to take on dawlish, shacklebolt, Dolores, and I single-handed, do you, Dumbledore?"

"Merlin's beard no!" Dumbledore said still smiling. "Not unless you are foolish enough to force me to"

"He will not be single-handed" McGonagall said plunging her hand in her robes.

"Oh yes he will Minerva" Dumbledore said sharply. "Hogwarts needs you!"

All Harry and I could do was stare helplessly.

"Enough of this rubbish" fudge said pulling out his wand.

"Dawlish, shaklebolt! _Take him!_"

There was a streak of silver light in the room and then a sound of something like a gunshot which made even the floor tremble. I felt a hand force both Harry and I to the floor and there was a second flash of silver light. I wasn't able to really process much of it in my mind. I began to cough in the dust.

A figure fell to the floor in front of me then a shriek and a thud, then someone cried " no!" the sound of breaking glass, frantic scuffling footsteps a groan and then it all went quiet.

McGonagall had forced us to the ground where she herself was crouching.

My heart was thudding in my chest. I saw a tall figure walking toward us.

"Are you all right?" Dumbledore said to us.

"Yes!" McGonagall responded. We all got up.

The whole office was wrecked. And fudge, Umbridge, dawlish, and shaklebolt were all on the ground unconscious.

Fawkes- the phoenix- was flying above them in circles, softly singing.

"Unfortunately, I had to hex Kingsley too or it would have looked very suspicious." Dumbledore said. "He was remarkably quick on the uptake, modifying Miss Edgecombe's memory like that while every one was looking the other way- thank him for me, wont you, Minerva?

"now they will all awake very soon and it will be best if they don't know that we had time to communicate- you must act as though no time has passed, as though they were merely knocked to the ground, they will not remember-"

"Where will you go Dumbledore?" McGonagall whispered. "Grimmauld place?"

"Oh no" Dumbledore said, a grim smile taking place in his thin face. "I am not leaving to go into hiding. Fudge will soon wish he'd never dislodged me from Hogwarts. I promise you…"

"Professor Dumbledore" I began.

What the hell was I supposed to say? That I'm sorry? No that wouldn't do. Words could never express how horrible I felt. He had just been kicked out to save Harry and I from expulsion! What was I supposed to say to that?! I'm sorry? That hardly seemed like the correct word.

But Dumbledore cut me off before I could say anything else.

"Listen to me Alex, Harry," he said urgently. "You must study occlumency as hard as you can, do you understand me? Do everything professor snape tell you and practice it particularly every night before sleeping so that you can close your mind to the bad dreams- you will understand why soon enough, but you must promise me-"

Dawlish began to stir. I turned to look at him, but Dumbledore grabbed my wrist to make me look at him.

"Remember-" he said to both Harry and I "close your mind-"

As his fingers closed around my wrist pain shot through my scar and I know it was the same for Harry, we felt the exact same. We both felt that horrible urge to strike Dumbledore. The way a snake would strike at his prey. We both wanted to bite him, to hurt him…

"- you will understand" he whispered.

Fawkes swooped low over us and Dumbledore let go of me and grasped Fawkes long golden tail. A flash of fire and then both the phoenix and Dumbledore where gone.

"Where is he?" fudge said getting up to his feet. "_Where is he?"_

"I don't know!" Kingsley shouted getting to his feet as well.

"Well he can't have disapparated!" Umbridge said. "You can't inside the school-"

"The stairs!" dawlish cried and then ran out the office followed by Kingsley and Umbridge.

"Well Minerva" fudge said dusting himself. "I'm afraid this is the end of your friend Dumbledore."

"You think so don't you?" responded McGonagall.

"You'd better get those three off to bed" he said nodding towards Harry Marietta and I.

As McGonagall led us out I heard one of the portraits talk to fudge.

"You know minister, I disagree with Dumbledore on many accounts…but you cannot deny he's got style…"

I couldn't help but smile as I heard this.

**Edwards's pov **

"Calm down Edward she'll be here tomorrow" esme said as she came up to me from behind and began to rub my shoulders.

I sighed. It had been a long Saturday I went hunting but got done fairly quickly, much to my dismay. And I really don't know what I had done the rest of the time. I missed having her in my embrace, and I missed that scent of hers that made my mind go numb.

But most of all I missed _her._

"I know mom…but I just got her last week and she has to leave for the weekend. It doesn't seem fair" I said.

"I'm sure she misses you just as much" she said chuckling.

Does she?

**Alex's pov**

I hugged Harry goodbye the next day early in the morning.

"We screwed up big time" I muttered as he hugged me.

"I know" Harry said miserably. "He'll be back though" he said confidently.

I nodded

"Alex?" he said.

"Yes?"

"I love you sis"

"I love you too, see you"

I walked into the fire and turned to look at him.

"You'll meet him soon enough" I said. "Forks!"

**Edward's pov **

I paced around Frankie's living room as we both waited for Alex.

"I am pretty sure she is going to come back in one piece Edward. Unless…well Alex never does normal things now that I think about it"

Before I could respond the fire burst into emerald flames and second later I recognized Alex's red head.

I ran to her and pulled her out into an embrace. She let out a gasp of surprise then wrapped her arms around my waist.

She was unharmed. And a small part of my mind scolded me for thinking that something bad would even happen to her.

But happiness was the dominant emotion. I inhaled her scent; there was no doubt about my self control today.

I put my finger under her chin and made her look up. Her green eyes were bright with happiness. I leaned down and kissed her. Savoring the feeling of her, she seemed to warm my cold and dead body.

**Alex's pov**

He kissed me with such urgency tat it seemed like it had been a year since I had seen him rather than a weekend.

I kissed him back just as eagerly, realizing how much I had truly missed him. As soon as I began to kiss him back I knew I was home.

"I hate to break this up but you didn't say hi Alex" Frankie said.

Edward smiled against my lips.

I pulled back to look at Frankie.

"Do you not see I'm busy?" I said annoyed. Frankie smiled and walked towards me to give me a hug. It was an awkward hug seeing as how Edward still hadn't let go of my waist.

"Eddie I'm not going to steal her" Frankie said.

Edward grimaced at the nickname. "Sorry but I can't take any chances" he said shaking his head.

"Uhm Frankie have you heard?" I said quietly. Both Edward and Frankie turned to look at me.

"Heard what melody?" he said sitting down. Edward did the same and sat me on his lap before I could move to sit beside him.

"Dumbledore had to leave Hogwarts yesterday"

Everything was quiet for a moment.

"Explain?" Frankie said, all humor gone, only to be replaced by seriousness.

I got myself comfortable; I wrapped my arms around Edward's neck and kissed his cheek quickly. Then I went in to tell last nights events.

**30 minutes later**

Frankie left to talk with Sirius about this. We didn't know if the order had already been informed.

"Are you mad at me?" I murmured hiding my face in his neck.

"And why would I ever be mad at you? This wasn't your fault" Edward said gently and he placed a kiss on my shoulder.

"Every time Harry and I try to help we ruin it. Why can't we do anything right!"

"This isn't any of your fault" he said firmly. "How were you to know that, that girl wasn't to be trusted?"

"I know but still"

"Why are you so intent on making yourself miserable for things you didn't do?" he sighed frustrated.

"It's in my nature" I murmured kissing his neck. "I missed you a lot" I added.

"I missed you too, like you can't imagine. I don't think Emmett will ever want to hunt with me again. He said I was a nervous wreck and no fun to hunt with anymore the trip lasted only three hours"

"You shouldn't have done that" I said reproachfully. "But we can't do anything about it now." I shrugged. I could feel his smile.

"You know what we can do?" he said, the tone in his voice gave me Goosebumps.

"Continue what we started in the living room?" I asked sounding hopeful.

He chuckled" yes, before we were so rudely interrupted"

"If that's what you want" I said and without a second thought I crushed my lips to his. He responded just as eagerly, but careful, always careful.

And then I knew how I would hide what I really was from him…

It wouldn't be easy but I would do anything to keep this from him, something told me that it was better this way.

* * *

**okay there it is **

**it wasnt one of my best chapters but i felt likeit was important i think i might skip a couple ofmonths forthis story now to get to the goodparts.**

**but i wonnt be getting inntertnet for about two weeks so i probably wonnte updating anytime soon unless bellaandedward4ever is willing to help me **

**:)**

**oh and thanks a million to you tori for nomminatinng my story to the sparkle awards **

** i hope i actually get votes **

**lol**

**once again thanks for all the reviews i love you people **

**-airali **

**p.s: for those that asked there will be a twist in this story and edward will find about alex's vampire side **

**just be patient please!**


	22. i promise

**Alex's pov **

Things at Hogwarts weren't so good. Especially not Umbridge.

I don't think her welcome to her new position was very warm. Especially from Fred and George. Harry told me that they set of enchanted fireworks, they attacked Umbridge and filch. I would have given anything to see that.

* * *

"You're late" snape said as Harry and I walked into his office. I really didn't want to go today. I was planning on not going but Edward seemed to understand the importance of coming to these lessons so he more or less kicked me into the house's chimney and sent me here. Along with the help of Frankie of course.

Neither Harry nor I responded. I had just been witness of a fight between him and cho and he was mad. Not a good way to start occlumency lessons.

"So" snape said after dropping the last of his memories into Dumbledore's pensieve. "Have you both been practicing?"

"Yes" Harry and I said in unison.

"We shall see, you" he said pointing to Harry. "Wand out"

I stepped aside as both of them got ready. Already I knew that this lesson would be a failure. Harry was too angry to pay attention.

Before we could stop though malfoy interrupted us, saying something about finding Montague inside a toilet.

Great our lessons are now omitted so I came here for nothing.

Snape left with malfoy to go help out. Harry was more mad now. Malfoy now thought Harry and I had remedial potions. Now he would surely make fun of us.

"Come on" I said leading the way out of snapes office. But I sensed Harry wasn't following. I turned to see Harry watching the pensieve curiously.

Instead of scolding my brother and telling him to get away from the pensieve I, unaware of it, gave in to that damn curse of curiosity set upon my brother and I. So that his curiosity became my curiosity.

I walked over to Harry and he looked up at me with a suggestive look.

What was the harm in taking a peek right?

Maybe it was something about the department of mysteries. Something that could help us solve our dream….

_I don't think it will take long to look through them_ I told Harry as his mind opened up to me and I could hear his thoughts about how much time it would take snape to get down here.

_**True**_ he agreed.

We walked closer to the table with the pensieve. Harry prodded the contents with his wand and they began to move very fast. After a moment of hesitation Harry signaled for me to go first.

_Snape will have our head If he finds out about this _I thought. But excitement ran through my veins. Or it could also be classified under recklessness both feelings seemed the same to me.

I held my breath and then sunk my head into snapes thoughts and memories. I was falling and everything around me was black and spinning.

Then I found myself in the great hall. Seconds later Harry was right next to me.

He looked around me and gave me a confused look.

"Their his thoughts" I said defensively.

We looked around. Instead of the four huge house tables there were many smaller ones in which one student per table sat. They were taking their O.W.L's.

I began searching for snape. Soon enough both Harry and I found him he was behind us. A younger snape was scribbling in his piece of parchment. He was skinny and very pale with lank greasy hair. I moved closer to him to see what he was writing. I was surprised to find the he was taking his defense against the dark arts O.W.L. Then he must be fifteen years old too.

"Five more minutes!" I recognized professor flitwicks voice.

I felt someone tug on my sleeve. I looked behind me to see Harry pulling on it but he wasn't looking at me. I followed his gaze and my eyes landed on a mop of untidy black hair. Untidy black hair the stuck up on the back of the head of the owner.

Unconsciously I walked toward my fifteen year old father. If I didn't know any better I would have thought he was my brother. They weren't kidding; Harry really did look like my dad, except the eyes. My dad's were hazel.

Harry seemed to share my excitement. My smile grew bigger when I saw my father yawn and disturb his hair with his hand. He turned and smiled at someone. I followed with my eyes and my happiness seemed get bigger. Sirius was sitting four seats away. He gave my dad a grin a thumbs up. Three seats behind him lupin was sitting looking over his parchment with a slight frown marking his face. Wormtail didn't go unnoticed. But my joy was too much to even be mad at that rat.

The time was up and all the students began to file out of the great hall. I was happy to know that snape didn't stray to far from my father. I wasn't ready to leave him and his friends. Harry and I followed excitedly and listened to their conversation as the walked to the school grounds.

They settled under the shade of a tree on the edge of the lake. The same tree under which cedric and I had spent countless of times playing around…

Snape had sat down on the grass in the shadows of a clump of bushes and was still examining and O.W.L paper. Harry and I sat down and observed the four friends. Lupin was reading some book while Sirius just stared around at the students looking bored. My father was playing with a snitch he nicked. With wormtail looking at my dad catch it in awe. I observed how my father repeatedly ran a hand through his hair and look at the girls by the waters edge.

He put away the snitch when Sirius told him to. Sirius made a comment about being bored and then something seemed to catch my father's attention.

Harry and I turned to see what they were staring at.

It was snape.

He was getting up putting the paper in his bag as he began walking my father and Sirius got up and walked over to him. Lupin and wormtail stayed behind. Wormtail was watching and lupin pretending to read.

Something told me no good was going to come out of this.

"All right, snivellus?" my father said loudly.

Snape attempted to take out his wand but my father already had his and shouted, "_Expelliarmus!_"

Snapes wand fell in the grass behind him.

Sirius laughed. "_Impedimenta!" _he said pointing his wand at snape and he was knocked off his feet.

"No" I whispered. Harry didn't hear he was too entranced in what was happening.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

"How'd the exam go snivelly?" my father asked.

"I wasn't watching him; his nose was touching the parchment." Sirius said. "There'll be great grease marks all over it, the wont be able to read a word of it"

I heard people laugh. Why are they doing this?!

"you-wait" snape panted as he tried to get up with the jinx still operating on him. He spoke with that loathing voice I was used to hearing. "You- wait…"

"Wait for what?" Sirius said coolly. "What are you going to do snivelly, wipe your nose on us?"

Snape cursed and a stream of hexes followed out of his mouth. I couldn't blame him for that; I would have done the same no matter how useless it was.

"Wash your mouth" my dad said coldly. "_Scourgify!" _

Soap bubbles came out of snapes mouth choking him.

"Leave him ALONE!" I turned towards the voice and staggered back a bit. Then realized it was my mother I was looking at, not myself. I was like an exact copy of her. Except my hair, she had thick dark red hair that fell to her shoulders. Whereas my hair went just under my ear, was a bit redder than hers with strands of black and it was messily sticking out in every direction. No doubt inherited from my father whom I noticed had raised his free hand to run it through his hair again.

"All right Evans?" my father said with a tone more pleasant and deeper. He likes her and she seems to hate him…oh boy…

"Leave him alone" my mother repeated with an expression in her almond shaped eyes that showed evident dislike. "What's he done to you?"

"Well" my dad said, "it's more of the fact that he _exists_ if you know what I mean"

Is this really my father I see?

"You think you're funny" she said coldly, "but you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, potter. Leave him _alone_"

"I will if you go out with me, evens," _smooth_ dad. "Go on…go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old snivelly again."

"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid" she said.

"Bad luck prongs" Sirius said bringing my attention back to him and snape. "OY!"

Snape had gotten a hold of his wand and directed it at my father. There was a flash of light and a gash appeared on my dad's face. With another flash of light my dad had snape hanging upside down in the air. Revealing his legs and underwear.

God this was awful.

"Let him down!" my mom said.

"Certainly" with a jerk of my father's wand, snape fell to the grass but Sirius wouldn't let it go. "_Locomotor mortis!" _snape fell to the grass once more.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" she shouted again taking out her wand.

"Ah, evens don't make me hex you" my dad said.

He wouldn't do that would he?

"Take the curse off him, then!"

He sighed deeply then muttered the countercurse.

"There you go" he said. "You're lucky Evans was here, snivellus-"

"I don't need help from filthy little mudbloods like her!"

So this is one of the reasons I hate him.

"Fine" my mother said coolly. "I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, _snivellus" _well he had it coming.

"Apologize to Evans" my father said furiously, pointing his wand at snape.

"I don't want _you_ to make him apologize" she shouted to him. "You're as bad as he is…"

"What?" he yelped," I'd never call you a –you-know-what!"

"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can- I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it . You make me sick"

She turned and began to walk away.

"Evans!" my dad shouted. "Hey, EVANS!"

No response.

"What is it wit her?" he said trying to sound uninterested but failing miserably.

"Reading between the lines" Sirius said. "I'd say she thinks you're a bit conceited, mate"

"Right" my father said, looking mad. "right-"

With another flash of light snape was upside down again.

"Who wants to see me take off snivelly's pants"

Just then I felt a hand enclose my upper arm it hurt.

"Hey!" I said turning and expecting to see Harry holding me. But what I found was what would surely be the death of me. The adult snape was looking down on me and Harry, whom he also by the upper arm. His face was paper white and mad.

"Having fun?"

Everything around me dissolved as I felt myself rise to the air. Snape never let go of either of us. Then I felt my feet hit the floor of his office.

"So" snape said gripping our arms so tightly I thought they were going to fall off. "_So…_been enjoying yourselves huh?"

Harry spoke for me. I was too terrified to even open my mouth. I didn't think he would let us out of this office alive.

"n-no…" Harry stuttered, trying to free himself of snapes death grip.

I don't think either of us has ever been as scared of snape as we were now.

"Amusing man, your father, wasn't he?" snape said shaking both Harry and I. I winced in pain, but was determined to not let a sound escape my lips.

"We-didn't-"I began but snape pushed Harry with all his might. My brother fell hard on the floor.

I gasped and snape turned to me.

"You will not repeat what you saw to anybody!" snape bellowed at both Harry and me.

"No" Harry said. Moving towards snape and I to get to me. "No of course I w-"

Snape let go of me with such force that I stumbled back and collided with a shelf on the wall a jar fell beside me and I cut my hand.

"Get out, get out, I don't want to see neither of you in this office ever again"

Harry helped me up quickly and we almost ran to the door out. Just as we were leaving a jar exploded over Harry's head. Once out we ran all the way up three floors. When we stopped I slid down a wall catching breath and cradling my cut hand.

"I think" I said in between breaths. "That we are lucky to have made it out alive" I was sweating like mad.

"Yeah" he responded just as breathless as I. "are you alright?"

"No" I gasped and held up my hand for him to see.

"Right. Wanna go to the hospital wing?" he panted.

"Yeah" I couldn't go like that home. The gash was pretty big and it stung a lot.

* * *

Twenty minutes later madam pomfrey had removed the shards of glass and put something on it that stung badly. Then she bandaged it and said in two days it would be nothing more than a scar. Great now I have to explain to Frankie and most likely Edward too, how I got cut so badly.

Harry and I walked around the grounds for a bit.

"He didn't do anything to him" I whispered. "He was just there and he humiliated him" I didn't think my father could have been the type of person. I had always been proud of him. But know it was like my image of him was horribly tainted.

"I know" was all Harry could say. He and I knew very well what it was like to be in snapes place. And to think that our father had been one of those people that just picked on people because they felt like it was horrible.

People always said he was a great man. Had they all lied to us?

With a pang I realized that snape was right, my dad was as arrogant as snape had painted him to be.

"It's time for me to go" I said quietly as I looked up the darkening sky.

Harry raised his green eyes to meet mines.

"Are you all right?" he asked concerned.

"Nothing more than a cut and a bruise Harry" I assured him, but that wasn't what he was talking about. I sighed in defeat when he continued to stare.

"No not really, I'm just as confused and hurt as you are. But there's not much I can do"

"I suppose your right" he said. "Come on I'll walk you to McGonagall's office."

"Kay" I said. He took my bandaged hand in his gently and we walked together back into the castle.

"How are things over at forks?" he asked as we walked through the corridors.

"Good actually not much to tell"

"You and Edward?" he asked.

"Other than his hunting trips and my coming here, we are inseparable" I said with a smile.

He smiled in content to. "How often does he go hunting?"

"He goes for a whole weekend twice a month every time I come here for the weekends. And three times a week, always at night though."

Out of all of the Cullen's he was the one hunting more frequently. He refused to take any chances with me. When he said this all I could do was roll my eyes at him.

"When are you putting that brilliant plan of yours into action?" he asked. I groaned. Leave it to Harry to remind me of something like that.

"I thought Hermione was the nagging one?" I asked.

"I'm just wondering" he defended. "No pressure"

"I think it's too soon." I explained. I had thought about this for a long time. "Maybe in a year" I said.

"You're forgetting that he most likely won't say yes the first time it will take a lot of persuasion and probably a lot of time."

"You know what I will know when the time is right. For now I don't want to think about it"

"Don't you think he'll notice you're not menstruating?"

"Bloody hell Harry!" I stopped on my tracks horrified. "How the hell do you know that?"

He thought about it for a few seconds then shuttered.

"I honestly don't know" he said shuttering once more in disgust. "But stick to the point. You're going to be what, sixteen, seventeen and your not menstruating that's a bit odd don't you think?"

I never really thought of that. You'd think it would be weird to talk about my brother about that but hell we were the only family we had as we grew up and that bounded us really, _really_, tightly.

"Yeah…I don't know Harry obviously I need to think about this some more" I said. "To tell you the truth I haven't dwelled on that too much. I will just as soon as all of this is over. All the O.W.L's madness. On the bright side we don't have to worry about occlumency anymore"

"True"

We stopped outside McGonagall's office.

"See you mate" I said hugging him. He hugged me back tightly. "I want to believe that he had a very good reason for what he did" I whispered into his ear. "But even if there isn't, I think deep down he was still a Good man"

"Yeah, it still bother's me though" he said.

"Me too" I pulled back and kissed his cheek. "Love you"

"Me too" he said smiling. "Say hi to Frankie and Edward for me"

"I still want you to meet him" I said.

"Me too" he said sincerely.

"See you then" I said turning to walk into McGonagall's office.

* * *

I stumbled out of the fireplace as I dusted myself off.

"Welcome home" said a voice like velvet. Then he enveloped me into his warm embrace that I could just melt into.

"Mhhhm" I said inhaling his sweet aroma. It clouded my thoughts and left me dazed for a bit.

Of course his sharp eyes ruined my peace.

"What happened to you hand?" he murmured in concern.

"I had an accident in the common room. I fell and broke a jar I was holding then I went and put my hand on the glass on accident." I lied smoothly. It would be a shame if I had lied so much in my life and I sucked at it.

"Let me see" he said pulling away.

"Its fine Edward, I went to the hospital wing and got it all fixed it's healing now"

He took my bandaged hand into his gently and kissed it.

"Harry say's hi" I said making him look back up at me. His actions where much more than what I truly deserved and I felt bad for lying to him.

"Mhhhm" he murmured. "I really want to meet him you know." How did he manage to make his voice smolder like that?

"I know, he does too." I said with a smile.

"You hungry Alex?" I heard Frankie ask, he came out of the kitchen holding a big spoon.

"Yeah sure" I said taking Edward hand in mines. "What are you making?"

"I'm keeping it simple, just some soup"

"Perfect, you need help?"

"I'm done, come on you two. And while were at it you can explain what happened to your hand"  
yes I knew it would be impossible to hide it from them.

Frankie just shook his head and laughed as I recounted my made up story.

"So how did your occlumency lesson go?" asked Edward as he watched me eat.

"Uhm" I hated lying to him, he didn't deserve it. But if I told the truth he would be nagging me and telling me to go back and tell snape that the lessons must continue.

"No progress whatsoever." I said in a bored tone.

He frowned "how can Harry find it so hard when you already got the hang of it?"

"I haven't been doing well either lately." I defended Harry, it was true every time I had class I found I was doing worse than the last time. "It's getting harder to block snape"

"Are you clearing your mind every night?" Frankie asked in between spoonfuls of soup.

"That's hard too" I said and Edward and Frankie gave me a disapproving look.

"But I'm trying" I amended with a smile.

"Do you want to go to my house tomorrow?" Edward asked as he stroked my hair that same night. We were in my room under the covers. He had an arm wrapped around my waist and the other hand was stroking my hair lovingly. It felt so comforting.

"Yeah I haven't gone in a long time" I said already looking forward to the visit.

"I know esme misses you" he said with a smile in his voice. I turned around to face him.

"I miss them too… how was you day today Mr. Cullen" I asked in a formal tone.

He shrugged. "It would have been much better with you with me Ms. Potter"

I smiled at him. I was selfish for thinking this but I liked it went he said that he needed me. It didn't bother me because I knew that I would always be there for him.

**Edward's pov **

She was more than what I could ever have asked for, more than what I deserved.

I was well aware that I wasn't good enough for her, but when I was with her I for got all of that. I was content as long as she was happy.

We had easily fallen into a pleasant routine and I felt like I really had a life now. Despite her strong scent I was happy to find that I was stronger too. Her scent didn't result as uncomfortable as it used to be (though I hunted regularly now). I could be next to her without a problem at all. I was on my guard however; whenever our kissing got too carried away her scent came back as strong as ever. I never let it go that far anymore.

Everyday after school we would hurry up and finish homework and then I would help her study for her O.W.L's. I watched with amusement as she became frustrated when she couldn't remember something.

She in turn was always making sure that I was alright with helping her. Making sure I was content, though I constantly told her that all I needed was her to be happy.

The next day I picked her up from her house early and took her to my house where esme was cooking breakfast for her.

The day was nice so I couldn't really take her anywhere else for breakfast. Which was just fine with her, or so she said.

"You know I could have just had breakfast at my house" she said pleasantly as she looked out the window. The cool air hit her cheeks turning them slightly pink as well as her nose. She was like a perfected porcelain doll.

I took her hand in mines and pressed it to my cheek then kissed it.

"You need to eat something other than cereal everyday love" I said chuckling.

"I just don't want esme to go through any trouble-"

I snorted at that. Esme was ecstatic to be able to use her kitchen. "Trust me esme is more than happy to be cooking"

I just hoped she hadn't gotten too excited and made a banquet. Alex had a small stomach.

I parked my car in the garage and went to her side of the car before she could get out. I opened the door for her and helped her out of the car. Then I led her out of the garage and into the house, never letting go of her warm hand. I was glad to know that to her I didn't feel cold. I could hold her to me in the coldest of nights and keep her warmer than a blanket. Something I would have never been capable of with Bella.

Esme obviously heard us arrive she was already setting a plate on the table for Alex.

_I didn't go overboard with this Edward I know she doesn't eat much_ esme said happily. And I smiled, my mother was observant.

She glided out of the kitchen with a warm smile and embraced Alex in a loving hug.

Every time I saw this type of exchange between Alex and my family I exploded with happiness inside. Feelings like these would never go away, and I didn't want them to either.

"You have been gone for much too long Alex. I missed you" said esme looking over Alex, content to see that she looked healthier than the last time she had seen her.

Alex had slowly been gaining more weight. She was still skinny but she looked healthier. Her skin was still pale but it was a healthy pale, and the bags under her eyes were gone so that there was nothing more but mere shadows under he eyes. She was the girl I had seen in the pictures again. And I only seemed to fall more in love with this new Alex.

"I know esme, and I'm sorry; I will most definitely visit more often. I missed you and Carlisle too" she said with a beautiful crooked smile that never failed to leave me breathless.

"I made you breakfast" esme said happily and took her hand and guided her to the kitchen. I followed quietly behind them.

"You shouldn't have esme" Alex said sounding slightly embarrassed.

"Nonsense I was more than happy to do so. I haven't cooked in the longest" she said laughing lightly. The last time she cooked, Bella was still alive….

I shook my head free of those thoughts. It was all in the past now.

Alex seemed to like the breakfast for which I was grateful. I wasn't sure how good it would be seeing as how it didn't smell too good to us.

"How is Frankie?" asked esme. She and Carlisle had met Frankie and Sirius. Not long ago and they got along very well. Carlisle had so many questions to him about their world he was delighted to learn more about witches and wizards.

"He's good" Alex said after swallowing her food. "I told him I would be here early and he went over to have breakfast with my Sirius."

"Tell them I said hi" esme said.

"I will, by the way the food is amazing"

"I'm glad you liked it" esme beamed.

"Hello Alex!" Alice said running into the room and hugging her.

"How's it going Alice?" Alex said. She was now finished eating and esme got up and took her plate. Alex didn't notice as she was already in deep conversation with Alice.

I excused myself from the kitchen and walked over to the living room where my old piano was at. I hadn't used it since…

I hadn't used it since a hundred years ago. Surely it was out of tune. I spent the next 30 minutes tuning it and listening to the beautiful voice coming from the kitchen.

Once I was done I sat on the bench. I had no clue on what to play. No piece seemed adequate.

After Bella died I remember I would sit here without moving just staring at the ivory keys and remembering the countless times we had both sat on this very same bench, as she listened to me play for her. I hadn't played he lullaby in so long. But I didn't want to either. That song was only for her and never to be touched again.

I don't know how long I sat there staring at the keys. I never even noticed that Alice and Alex had stopped talking.

Soft hands brought me back to sweet reality. As I felt Alex's arms slowly wrap around my neck and I felt her kiss the back of my neck all of those sad memories left me. Only to be replaced by the miracle that was Alex.

"I do recall you telling me you played piano" she murmured in my ear. Her voice was like nothing I had ever heard before. Far better than a symphony playing in perfect synchronization.

I took one of her hands and kissed it lightly, running my lips on the soft skin of her wrist and taking in the sweet scent. I could feel her blood running through her veins as I pressed my lips to her wrist and kissed it as well.

"Would you like me to teach you?" I murmured against her wrist.

"Why not" she said unwinding her arms from around my neck and sitting on the bench next to me. I wrapped an arm around her waist and leaned over to kiss her lips lightly.

"I missed you" I said sounding breathless.

"Hmm I did too" she said against my lips I felt a smile form there. This woman drove me crazy like no other woman ever could.

She pulled back and examined the ivory keys. She reached over and pressed on each of them several times listening to the notes.

"Ever played piano?" I asked her. She shook her head and dazzled me with a brilliant smile.

"But it shouldn't be hard. It's all in knowing the notes" she said confidently. I gestured for her to proceed.

She began to press on random keys making sounds that didn't go together.

She pursed her lips, a small frown coloring her face. I was about to help her when I saw her expression soften into a small smile and I heard the random notes slowly weave together to create a beautiful melody.

To say I was awed was an understatement. Obviously she was improvising she was looking at keys very concentrated on what she was doing so that it was obvious that this was the first time she played the piano. Even so for her to be creating such a complicated song when she hadn't even been helped seemed utterly impossible. Yet here she sat creating the most beautiful melody I had ever heard.

She glanced up at me and she gave another heart warming smile that encouraged me to join her. I suddenly knew what to play. As my hands danced along with hers on the keys she became the melody and I the harmony.

Our hands slowed down as we felt the song come to an end. It was like we were slowly descending from the cloud we had been in while our hands seemed to work magic on the piano.

I stopped playing and Alex played the very last notes with a pleasantly relaxed smiled. As she hit the last not I heard soft applause come from behind us.

_Beautiful _thought esme.

"That was beautiful Alex and Edward" said Carlisle, we both turned to face Carlisle and esme. Everyone was there with huge smiles. Even Rosalie and jasper were managing to smile.

"Thank you Carlisle" she said rising from her seat and gracefully walking over to hug Carlisle. He hugged her back with as much warmth as esme had when she hugged Alex. I got up as well.

"So that was the first time you played piano?" he asked as I walked over and wrapped an arm around Alex's waist.

"Yes sir" she said.

I heard Emmett whistle. "You picked a talented one Eddie"

I grimaced at the name. "I know Emmett" I said

They all chuckled and Emmett and rose and jasper walked over to greet Alex. Jasper no longer worried me; time was all he had needed to get used to our lifestyle. And the past hundred years he certainly had gotten better at it.

Later that day Frankie and Sirius joined the get together. The day couldn't get any better. We had an amazing time and I felt complete. My family was here along with the girl that gave my life meaning and the newest members to our family. Because that is what they were now. They were family.

**Alex's pov**

Sirius, Frankie, and I said goodbye to the Cullen's. It had been a wonderful day but just like all the good it things, it had to come to an end.

"Will I see you tonight?" I asked as Edward kissed me goodbye.

"Of course" he said smiling. "As soon as you go to bed I'll be there"

I gave a content nod, and then ran towards Frankie's black Honda. The nice weather was gone only to be replaced by heavy rain.

"Did you have fun Alex" Sirius asked from the passenger seat. I was sitting in the back looking at the rain.

"Loads. I'm glad you came" I said. Surprisingly I hadn't thought about what I saw yesterday in the pensieve. I wanted to ask Sirius but I didn't want to ruin the happy mood. So I decided I would ask him some other time.

"I am too I needed to get out of that house" he said jokingly but I knew that beneath the joke he meant it. That house was suffocating him.

He resumed his conversation with Frankie and I resumed my marveling at the beauty of the rain.

* * *

The Easter holidays came and I was shocked to find that there we were six weeks away from O.W.L's exams.

"I just can't believe it's coming so fast" I said to Edward.

It was another rare sunny day. Edward and I were sitting on my bed as the sun warmed us. I couldn't get over how mesmerizing he looked in the sun. The way his skin sparkled it was incredible.

He was helping me study on history of magic. This was the one subject he could really help me with. He learned lots of things as he helped me and he seemed to like it.

"Time is going by so fast" I murmured as I took a bite out of the chocolate egg Mrs. Weasley had sent me. I knew that time going by so fast had a great deal to do with Edward. I lost track of time when I was with him.

"It is" Edward agreed. He looked up from the textbook he was reading to look at me. "Nervous?" he asked

"Of what?"

"Your exams"

I thought about that. "Yes" I said truthfully.

"If you keep up the studying you'll do a great job" he comforted me.

"You know you're the only reason I haven't lost my mind yet" I said casually.

"Just glad to be of use" he chuckled.

We continued the studying session for two more hours.

* * *

With the end of the holidays at Hogwarts they announced career advice for the fifth years. We had to make an appointment to meet with the head of our houses to discuss career options.

"Anything in mind?" Edward said as we walked hand in hand to the lunch line.

"Actually yeah…I've been thinking about it since last year. I want to be an auror" I said in a low voice. Both Harry and I shared the same dream.

"You sure?" he asked skeptically.

"Yeah and I have a great advantage due to my being a metamorphmagi" I said with a smile. It seemed like all I did lately was smile. I couldn't help it, Edward made me feel happy.

He didn't say anything. He didn't fancy the idea of me taking part in something like that. He most likely thought it was too dangerous.

* * *

My meeting with McGonagall had been monitored by Umbridge, much to my dislike. Harry however had already told me that she was probably going to be there. Then he told me how she was there for his meeting and McGonagall and Umbridge had ended up arguing when Umbridge said Harry had no chance of becoming an auror.

I could feel the tense mood in McGonagall's office. The only time Umbridge interrupted however was to point out that my criminal record was just as bad as Harry's and it would be difficult for me to get a career in that field. McGonagall paid no attention to that.

* * *

A few days later Sirius visited and I couldn't take it anymore. I had been wanting to talk to him about what I saw in the pensieve.

"Sirius can I talk to you privately?" I asked. Edward and Frankie gave me a wondering look.

"Yeah sure" he said getting up off the couch. He led me to the kitchen then he turned to look at me. Waiting for me to get on with it.

"I wan to talk to you about something I saw about my dad" I began.

Sirius gave me a sad smile. "Yes Harry wanted to talk about that too"

"Ha-wait what? You talked to Harry? How?"

"I'm guessing he snuck into umbridge's office to talk to me"

"How did he manage?"

"Well I found out that Fred and George made a scene that very same day then they left on their brooms" he said chuckling.

I couldn't help but laugh too. "I'm not surprised. The times I've talked to them they seem to be more bored with the school. What exactly did you mean by causing a scene?"

"Installed a portable swamp in one of the schools hallways. It's seems like its still there. Umbridge doesn't know how to get rid of it."

"You're better informed than I" I said.

"Yeah well Fred and George told me."

"Oh" then I remembered what I wanted to talk about with him. "Why did he do that?"

Sirius sighed heavily and sat down on one of the chairs. I sat on a countertop.

"Like I explained to Harry, Alex, we were young idiotic kids."

"Harry and I are the same age you guy's were then but we don't go around hexing people just for the fun of it."

"Yes. It's not something were really proud of but it's something we grew out of as the time passed. Your father was a good man melody"

It gave me some comfort to hear that.

"My mom hated him" I muttered looking down at my hands.

"It's incredible how alike you are to your brother. He asked the very same questions as you are asking"

I looked up at him wanting an answer.

"She didn't hate him. She was annoyed by him. After all he was immature, he calmed down in his seventh year though. That's when they began to go out. As for snape…well they never like each other to begin with. It's like hate at first sight, like what you and Harry have against that malfoy kid"

I thought about that.

"Alex, don't let the image you have of your father be tainted by what you saw in the pensieve. He was young and when people are young they do stupid things. Some bigger than others but we all make stupid mistakes. Even you have made them"

I couldn't argue with that. It was true, I probably judged my dad to hard. What he did wasn't right but he was young and we are not all that same at that age.

"Your right" I said. I felt that weight I had lift off my shoulders.

"Now about those occlumency lesson young lady-"

"Sirius I'm not going back to ask him to give me lessons again if that's what you're thinking"

"Okay it's time for us to step in" said Frankie walking into the kitchen, followed by Edward who didn't look remotely happy.

"What's going on Alex?" he asked standing by me.

I shot Sirius a dirty look. "It's not like he wasn't going to read my mind anyways" he defended.

"Why aren't you getting occlumency lessons anymore Alex"

I sighed and told them what had happened. I just didn't tell them what I had seen in the pensieve. Luckily they didn't ask.

"I told Harry that he has to go and tell snape to continue the lessons but knowing your brother he probably wont so next time you go you have to tell snape to continue. Do you understand melody?" said Sirius in a voice full of authority.

"Yes Sirius" I said bored and rolling my eyes.

"Melody listen to him. It is important that you continue with these lessons. You can't on any account stop these lessons. Sis you not hear what-"

"I get it Frankie!" I said annoyed. Edward put a hand on my knee trying to calm me down. "Yes its important yes Dumbledore told us to keep practicing. I get it okay no need to nag me about it. God"

I slid off the counter and made to leave to my room.

"Goodnight" I muttered and walked away to my room.

They were crazy if they thought I was going back to that office. That would be like going to mock death.

I slammed the door harder than necessary and kicked off my shoes and got in under my bed covers not bothering to change.

I was on no account going back to that place ever again.

"Should I be worried that you lied to me" Edward spoke in a quiet voice. I just felt worse about lying to him.

I didn't answer just hoping that he would think I was asleep.

I felt the covers around me being pulled and I held on to them harder. He was stronger so he pulled them away from me. So that I was left looking at his hurt expression.

"I watch you sleep every night Alex don't you think that I would know if you were asleep or not?"

"I can always hope" I said turning away. I didn't want to have to see his disappointed expression.

"I'm sorry" I whispered.

Edward was facing me in a flash. Holding me close to him.

"I know why you did it Alex but I want you to trust me. I want us to trust each other. It would really mean a lot to me Alex"

God Edward what would you do if I told you about me?

Maybe the reason why I didn't want to tell him was because I really did want to be like him. It would make things so much easier for us. And if I was to tell Edward what I was then he would definitely not turn me into a vampire. He would argue by saying that I was immortal already so there was no need to turn me to a complete vampire.

Being immortal wasn't enough for me. I wanted him to kiss me without hurting; I wanted him to hug me without being afraid of hurting me. I want to be his equal. But I knew with Edward that would be too much to ask for. That's why it was best to not tell him what I was, more in my favor. I would convince him. I knew it.

"I know Edward, I'm sorry" I hugged him back pulling myself closer to him. That's all I could manage to say. I couldn't tell him that I wouldn't do it again because I knew that I would. I couldn't make any promises because I would surely break them. But what if he made me promise?

Then I would have to break many promises.

"What else have you lied to me about Alex?" he murmured.

"Nothing else Edward. I've been truthful with you" I lied.

To tell him about the cut in my hand was just asking for trouble so I figured it was best not to say anything about that.

"You sure?"

I was quiet for a second "I promise" I said feeling like shit.

I kissed his jaw and he looked down at me.

"No more lies okay?" he said

"I promise"

He smiled and kissed me. But he ended it too soon. I didn't want it to be like this for eternity, I knew what I wanted. And I was going to convince him.

* * *

"Edward do you have my history of magic book?" I asked as I packed my trunk with everything I would need for the next two weeks. It was Friday night and I was about to leave for Hogwarts. Our O.W.L's were starting on Monday and would be going on for two weeks.

He handed the book quietly to me. He hadn't been particularly happy that I was going to leave for so long. And truth be told neither was I. but we knew this was coming for a while.

I put it in my book bag which was now officially full. Then I went around putting in my trunk any quills or ink bottles I found.

"Okay" I said putting my hands on my hips and looking around the room. It was just as clean as the first time I saw it. "I think that's all I'm going to need"

Edward nodded silently. I went over to my bed where he was sitting and I put a hand on either side of him. My face leveled with his then I leaned in to kiss him. He met me halfway there putting his hands on either side of my cheeks and closing the distance between us. As my tongue traced his lips he pulled back.

"Go change" he whispered breathlessly.

I took my uniform which was next to him and walked into the bathroom.

This was the first time I stayed at Hogwarts for longer than three days this year. I wasn't nervous; I knew that the memories would only bring happiness to me. Happiness of what used to be, I'd be okay. I knew it.

I walked out of the bathroom fixing my robes. My trunk was gone; Frankie must already have sent it to Hogwarts. I held out my hand for Edward to take. Instead he took me into his arms and carried me down to the living room.

He set me down on the floor but instead of letting go he hugged me.

"Cheer up. I'll make sure to write to you all right?" I said.

"Okay" he said with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "God I'm going to miss you like you can't imagine"

"I am too but hey you need to have some space so you don't grow tired of me" I joked.

"You must have lost your mind if you think I would ever grow tired of you" he said.

"I'm just saying"

He pulled me in for a final kiss before I left. He said everything that needed to be said in that one kiss.

"I'll see you in two weeks" he whispered against my lips. His breath leaving me completely confused.

"Oh right…two weeks-yeah" I said after a while. He laughed.

"Bye Frankie" I said going over to hug him.

"See you in two weeks" he said hugging me.

"Yes you will" I said grinning.

Edward helped me into the fireplace where the fire was already burning.

"Good luck on your exams" he whispered.

"Thanks"

I had one more glance at his sad expression before I left

* * *

_Dear Edward, _

_I already miss you and it's barely Monday. Damn I don't think the air has ever felt this tense in Hogwarts before. We are all doing last minute studying I'm nervous my first exam is for charms I hope everything goes by fine. Then tomorrow I have transfiguration tomorrow and herbology Wednesday, Wish me luck. _

_I love you_

_Alex._

Charms went by smoothly thankfully. I was sure that I did a very good job on both the written exam and the practical one. The same could be said for transfiguration and herbology.

* * *

_Dear Alex, _

_I'm sure you did fine on all of the exams you've been studying nonstop. I miss you too I think I'm driving my family crazy with my crazy mood swings. It will all be better when you're back. What are the next exams? _

_Everyone here says hi and they wish you good luck. They all miss you too of course. _

_Love you and cant wait for you to be back in my arms. _

_Edward. _

* * *

_Dear Edward, _

_I'm pretty sure I did well so far. I had defense against the dark arts today and I am almost positive I got an "outstanding" O.W.L! I did very well for the practical exam too. The examiner seemed delighted, Harry had the same luck and they asked us both to do a patronus charm for an extra point! I don't think Umbridge was too happy. I don't have any testing tomorrow on Monday I have potions and Tuesday is care of magical creatures. I don't think I'll have many problems with those. We'll see, Hermione doesn't seem in a good mood. She is sure she did very badly, though I can't see that happening, still we try not to push her buttons. I miss all of you guys too tell them all I said his and I miss them too. Have to go Hermione is giving me a look that says get 'get back to studying!'_

_Love you, _

_Alex._

I didn't do so badly in any of them. Not even potions for which I was grateful. I know I did very well in care of magical creatures. It wasn't really a hard class. I knew hagrid was anxious I knew he'd be proud of me if he had seen my exam.

* * *

_Dear Alex, _

_Glad to hear you did well on them I can only imagine how anxious you are right now. I know you did well on everything so far don't worry love. Frankie seems to be growing tired of being our personal messenger, oh well I think he will have to endure it. Emmett dragged me out of the house to go hunting and I got my fair share of mountain lions. You're letters are bring relief to me. I hate it that Alice can't see your future. It makes me anxious, but I trust you are well._

_Missing you, _

_Edward. _

* * *

_Dear Edward, _

_I did well on everything so far, except divination. But that's okay I always knew I wasn't going to do well on that one. I take pride in knowing that Harry and Ron didn't do any better at least I'm not alone on that one, and I can drop that class next year! The examiner wasn't too happy when I predicted the he was going to get beheaded, I just hope it isn't true. Harry read the lines in his examiners hand wrong and told her that she should have died last Tuesday. I was laughing my head off at that. And Ron said that he could see in his crystal ball an ugly man with a wart on his nose….when he looked up he saw the same man…it was his examiner. I have my astronomy exam tonight at eleven pm… should go well…love you so much!_

_Alex. _

* * *

_Dear Alex, _

_You have no idea of how much everyone laughed when they heard bout your divination exam. Especially Emmett, I'm sorry to hear you didn't do so well, but like you said at least you get to drop the class next year. I'm interested to know how you did in astronomy; I know that one was a bit difficult for you but I trust you will do just fine. Watch out when you come home Emmett will be bothering you about your divination exam, there's no stopping him. _

_Love you,_

_Edward_

* * *

_Dear Edward _

_The expected has happened. Oh god it was horrible, they tried to sack hagrid in the middle of the night! Harry Ron Hermione and I saw it all from the astronomy tower. They attacked him and tried to stun him. I've never seen hagrid so enraged. He knocked everyone except on of the attacker and Umbridge! Unfortunately McGonagall had four stunners straight to the chest. I'm worried, it could have been deadly. Thankfully hagrid ran away I just hope he is alright. I don't think I did so well in the exam after that but everyone is talking about that incident. I really can't figure out the best death for that woman, nothing seems like a good enough punishment for Umbridge! I know she won't come back next year I just know it. I'm almost done; my last exam is tomorrow in the afternoon. _

_Hope everything goes alright. _

_Alex. _

* * *

I did some last minute studying for history of magic, or I tried. I didn't sleep through the whole night and neither did Harry. At two o'clock we all went into the great hall to take the exam. I was nervous; I was so tired I was sure that I was going to forget many things. I sat next to Harry and we were told to begin.

I turned over my paper and looked at it for a long time. I shook my head clear of whatever I was thinking and began to write down and answer. I forgot some things but thankfully it wasn't much. I smiled at myself when I read one of the questions.

_What was the dispute between vampires and wizards and what was the outcome of the war? Be specific _

It would be a shame for me to not know that.

I came across a difficult question and I began to look around the room as If I might find the answer written on one of the walls or something. I sighed loudly and let my head fall on the desk with a big thump that hurt my forehead. I squeezed my eyes shut in concentration. But as I thought more about the question the more my mind got out of focus.

Harry and were walking down the corridor of the department of mysteries. It was time, this time I was positive we were going to pass. The black door opened and there was a circular room….good but there are so many doors…..okay through the second door… keep walking…..

Okay Harry now through the third door…hurry…we have to hurry. I began to jog. Okay we were in the room with the shelves with the glass spheres….good we were close….close to what?....keep jogging…number ninety-seven…turn left…okay good…along the aisle between the two rows…almost there Harry…were almost there…who's that?

Harry what's that shape on the floor? Harry it's moving…oh no…

"Take it for me…" Harry and I said at the same time, with the same cold inhuman voice. " lift it down, now…I cannot touch it…but you can…"

What's going on?

The black figure moved and I raised what I thought to be my own arm with my own wand. But this isn't my arm….it's much too white….and that isn't my wand…

_"Crucio!" _

The man on the floor screamed in agony. He tried to stand up but he fell writhing in pain. Harry and I laughed. But I couldn't see Harry anymore and he couldn't see me…

I lifted the unknown arm and the curse lifted. The man was motionless.

"Lord Voldemort is waiting…"

What? What am I doing?!

The man slowly raised his head. How dare he try to defy me!

"You will have to kill me" Sirius whispered. I will…I will…

"Undoubtedly I shall in the end" I said in that cold voice that gave me chills. "But you will fetch I for me first, black…you think you have felt pain thus far? Think again….we have hours ahead of us and nobody to hear you scream…" I screamed as I lowered the wand…as voldemort lowered the wand…I was glad to hear it was my own voice screaming.

My scar…my scar! It's on fire!

I fell to the ground screaming, I wasn't the only one… I could hear my brothers screams some distance from me. Feeling the same pain as me.

I opened my eyes in alarm. Everyone was looking either at Harry or me. And professor tofty was helping Harry up. Harry had a wild and frantic expression that I'm sure mirrored mines.

Shaking I scrambled to my feet and followed Harry and the professor out of the room. I listened to Harry's protests silently. We had to leave; we couldn't stay in the great hall, not now.

"You two stay here" said the professor with a sympathetic smile. "Get some time to calm down and come back into the great hall. It's just the pressure of the examinations."

"Uh no" I said shakily. Harry looked at me. "I think we've both done as much as we could"

The professor looked at Harry and hurry nodded agreeing with me.

"Very well, very well" the professor said gently. "I will go and collect your exams and you two just go and lie down."

"Yeah" Harry said nodding too much. "Thank you"

I waited for the professor to go back into the great hall before I took hold of Harry hand and ran with him over the threshold into the great hall, running up the many staircases.

"Come on we need to speak to McGonagall," I said in a steady voice. We ran up to the hospital wing. We burst in causing madam pomfrey alarm.

"Where's professor McGonagall?" Harry asked ignoring madam pomfrey's question.

I almost lost my mind when she told us that she had been transferred to st. mungos this morning. Where was the order when we needed them?! My heart was beating frantically against my chest terror was overpowering me and I didn't know what to do.

The bell rang and I heard students walking out of classrooms. I tugged on Harry's hand and muttered incoherently that we should go. My chest hurt badly and I wanted to throw up.

Harry led me out of the hospital wing and I followed blindly. I didn't know what was happening. But the panic seemed to sprout from my heart and extend to every corner of my body.

_We have to talk to Ron and Hermione. _Harry thought. I only nodded in agreement. I was vaguely aware that we were running once more finally we found them.

"What happened?" Hermione asked when she caught up to us. "Are you both all right? What's wrong with Alex?"

I blinked twice and recollected myself, trying to think coherently.

"Where have you two been?" Ron demanded.

We all went into an empty classroom. And there Harry told him what we had seen.

Harry made one thing clear to them. He and I were both going to the department of mysteries no matter what. I didn't care how risky this was but I had to go.

* * *

**i love the rain. not only has it kept me from having p.e as i should be doing right now but it has also allowed me to update **

**dont know when i'll put up the net chapter but i'm already writing it **

**thank you so much to katrina for the review she sent me, i loved it thank you so much and i'm glad you are liking the story **

**and thank you so much for all the others who reviewed the last chapter **

**if you are really liking my story dont forget to vote for it in the sparkle awards **

**-airali**


	23. how to save a life

**sorry for not updating soon enough **

**i'm so close to getting internet at my house **

**right now i'm updating at school **

**Alex's pov **

Hermione's questions were getting to me. What is she thinking Sirius is being tortured and were sitting here arguing!

"Hermione I don't care how the hell any of this happened all know is that we have to go there now! So stop arguing!"

She was silent but I could see she still wanted to argue about this.

"But what if this is all a trap-"

"I DON'T HAVE TIME TO SIT HERE AND FIGURE OUT IF THIS IS REAL OR NOT DAMMIT!" I made to walk out of the classroom but Harry wrapped his arms around my waist and held me back.

"Exactly how the hell do you expect to get over there Alexandra?"

I put all my weight on him and he dropped me to the floor.

"Just hurry up and think of something" I said as my eyesight went blurry from the moisture on my eyes. I stayed at the floor and wrapped my arms around my knees and hugged them to my chest.

I really don't know when Luna and Ginny joined but they all decided we were going to go into umbridge's office and check to see if Sirius was in Grimmauld place.

We quickly put the plan into action. They would help cause a distraction and Harry and I would sneak into umbridge's office and use the Floo network.

Harry and I hurried over to the dormitories to go get the invisibility cloak then we hurried back to the corridor where umbridge's office was, everyone else was there.

We put the plan into action and everyone was off.

"Get over here" Harry said and he threw the invisibility cloak over the both of us.

"Okay Alex" Harry whispered as we moved forward. "I'm going to check and see if Sirius is there at Grimmauld place if someone is coming you will hear the signal. It's a chorus of weasley is our king if they see Umbridge coming"

"All right" I whispered back. Harry opened the door with the knife Sirius had given him for Christmas. And we went into the horrible office of Umbridge with the nasty cats.

Quickly Harry pulled of the cloak and took the Floo powder and stuck his head into the fireplace. I walked over to the window and peered down at the grounds with my wand out

"Grimmauld place!" I heard Harry shout.

I was extremely impatient. I didn't see the point of this. It was obvious that Sirius wasn't over there, we are just wasting time! The minutes passed and I thought it was awfully quiet. Just then umbridge's door burst open. Before I could react Umbridge was at the fire place pulling Harry out by the head.

Malfoy took my wand and stood behind me making sure that I didn't try anything funny.

They took Harry's wand from him as well.

"With whom have you been communicating?" I heard Umbridge say. She had Harry by the hair and was bending his head back to the point I thought she was going to snap his neck.

Furious I made to go towards her but Malfoy caught me and wrapped an arm around my neck almost choking me.

Despite her question Harry didn't say anything. Minutes later more slytherins came in each one them holding on person. Ron, Luna, Ginny, Hermione, and Neville.

She ordered one of the slytherins to go get snape.

Of course! Snape! Why didn't we think of this earlier? He's from the order he can help us!

"You're choking me you fucker!" I said after a moment of silence. I could feel my head getting lighter.

Harry's head snapped over to look at me and he looked ready to kill.

"Let go of her!" he barked.

"Mr. Malfoy release her. We don't want you to be charged with murder." Umbridge said in a sickly sweet voice.

Malfoy snickered and let go of me. I gasped and drew in a ragged breath, Harry went over to me checking to see if I was fine.

Right then the slytherin walked in closely followed by snape.

"You wanted to see me, headmistress?" he asked looking around at all of us.

She wanted veritaserum to question Harry. But he had no more. Umbridge only seemed to get more enraged by his response.

Harry and I thought desperately of what we had seen. Hoping he would read our mind.

As he turned to leave Harry spoke desperately.

"He's got padfoot!" he shouted. "He's got padfoot at the place where it's hidden!"

Snape stopped

"Padfoot?" Umbridge asked eagerly. "What is padfoot? What does he mean snape?"

I looked at him. Pleading him with my eyes but his cold eyes just stared at me with no emotion whatsoever.

_Please understand, please…_

"I have no idea" he said coldly and my heart froze and dropped. He looked at Harry.

"Potter when I want nonsense shouted at me I shall give you a babbling beverage."

And he was gone like. Our last hope had just left.

I couldn't help but scream in frustration.

Umbridge seemed just as frustrated as I.

"Very well" she said pulling out her wand and looking like she had lost her mind. "Very well…I am left with no other alternative…this is more than a matter of school discipline…this is an issue of ministry security….yes…yes

"You are forcing me potter…I do not want to, but sometime circumstances justify the use…I'm sure the minister will understand that I had no choice…"

"The cruciatus curse ought to loosen your tongue"

"It's illegal" I argued sounding lifeless.

"What Cornelius doesn't know won't hurt him" Umbridge said panting slightly.

I watched in horror as she pointed her wand to me. She was hoping one of us would speak up either from the pain felt or the pain the other would feel from having to watch the other suffer.

"He never knew I ordered dementors after the potters last summer, but he was delighted to be given the chance to expel both of them all the same…"

"You" I growled. "You sent them after us?"

"Somebody had to act" she said now pointing her wand directly at my forehead. "They were all bleating about silencing you two somehow-discrediting you- but I was the one that actually _did _something about it."

She took a deep breath and I squeezed my eyes shut.

"_cruc_-"

"NO!" I heard Harry and Hermione shout at the same time. I opened my eyes and Harry took me by the shoulders and shielded me with his body.

"Harry!" Hermione cried desperately. "We'll have to tell her!"

_Don't be stupid Hermione!_

"Well, well, well," Umbridge said triumphantly. "Little miss question-all is going to give us some answers! Come on then, girl come on!"

I heard Ron protest.

"I'm-I'm sorry everyone," Hermione said sounding like she was crying. "But- I cant- I can't stand it-"

"That's right, that's right girl" Umbridge said. I gentle pushed Harry away to be able to see. He looked down at me and I gave him a reassuring smile.

"Now then with whom was potter communicating just now?"

"Well" she began. _No Hermione_ "well, he was _trying _to speak to professor Dumbledore"

I catched on to what she was doing.

"Dumbledore?" Umbridge asked. "You know where Dumbledore is then?"

I stepped in.

"Of course not" I said angrily. "Can you blame us for trying though? We tried the leaky cauldron in diagon alley and the three broomsticks…hell we even tried the hogs head!"

"Idiot girl, Dumbledore won't be sitting in a pub when the whole ministry's looking for him"

"We needed to tell him something important!" sobbed Hermione as she hid her face in her hands.

"Yes?" Umbridge said sounding completely mad.

"What was it you wanted to tell him?"

"We wanted to tell him it's r-ready!" Hermione choked.

"What's ready" Umbridge said shaking Hermione slightly. "What's ready girl?"

"The…the weapon"

"Weapon? Weapon?" she said excitedly. "You have been developing some method of resistance? A weapon you could use against the ministry? On professor Dumbledore's order of course?"

"Yes" I said playing along, going so far as to put on a scared expression. "But he had to leave before it was finished and now we've finished it for him, and we can't find him to tell him" I said in a low scared voice.

"What kind of weapon is it?"

"We don't r-r-really understand professor" Hermione sobbed. "We j-j-just did what p-p-professor Dumbledore told us t-t-to do…"

Umbridge straightened up.

"Lead me to the weapon"

Oh we would…if we had a weapon!

"I'm not showing…_them_" Hermione said looking at the slytherins.

"It is not for you to set conditions" Umbridge said harshly.

* * *

But in the end we had it our way. Umbridge made Hermione Harry and I go with her. I didn't know what Hermione planned on doing but I followed silently. Umbridge walked behind us pointing her wand straight at us.

My curiosity only grew as Hermione led us into the forbidden forest.

Deeper and deeper we went into the forest and I was growing anxious.

What would happen when she realized that there was no weapon?

_You do realize this is the trail we took in our second year that led us to aragog and his family of spiders?_ Harry said nervously.

I realized he was right. Hermione couldn't possibly know this. She hadn't been with us that time.

"How much further?" asked Umbridge sounding tired.

"Not far now" Hermione said loudly. "Just a little bit"

Right then an arrow flew over Hermione's head and hit the tree next to her. Ah crap they heard us.

I heard hooves all around us. Umbridge screamed and pushed Harry in front of her like a shield.

Centaurs surrounded us. Their bows raised with many arrows pointing at us. Hermione looked triumphant. What the hell? Their going to kill us!

"Who are you" a voice said. I looked to see a chestnut bodied centaur walking towards us. His bow raised. Harry moved to stand in front of Hermione and me, shielding us. Umbridge had her wand raised and pointing at the centaur. Though she was shaking a lot.

"I said who are you human?"

"I am Dolores Umbridge"" she said terrified. "Senior undersecretary to the minister of magic and headmistress and high inquisitor of Hogwarts!"

"You are from the ministry of magic?"

"That's right!" she responded. "So be very careful! By the laws laid down by the department of regulation and control of magical creatures, any attack by half-breeds such as yourselves on a human-"

_Mistake!_

_"What _did you call us?" Said another centaur angrily. I recognized him, his name was bane.

"Don't call them that!" Hermione said furiously. Umbridge however didn't hear her.

"Law fifteen states that 'any attack by a magical creature who is deemed to have near human intelligence, and therefore considered responsible fir its actions-"

"Near human intelligence?" said the chestnut centaur. "We consider that a great insult, human! Our intelligence, thankfully, outstrips your own-"

"What are you doing in our forest?" said another centaur.

"_Your_ forest" Umbridge said sounding just a bit indignant. "I would remind you that you live only because the ministry of magic permits you certain areas of land-"

An arrow flew dangerously close to her head and she shrieked and covered her head. Some centaurs laughed at this.

"Whose forest is it now human?" bellowed bane.

"Filthy half- breeds!" she screamed. "Beasts! Uncontrolled animals!"

"Shut up!" I screamed at her

She pointed her wand at the chestnut centaur and screamed, "_Incarcerous!" _

Ropes flew out of midair and bounded the centaur's torso and arms. He cried in rage and attempted to break free as the other centaurs charged. Harry pushed both Hermione and I to the ground as the centaurs leaped over us making a great deal of noise.

She tried to stun one of them and she screamed loudly. I felt Harry move beside me and I looked to see that Umbridge had dropped her wand and he was trying to get it.

As he stretched his hand though a centaur stepped on it and snapped it in half.

"Now!" I heard someone say and I was pulled up to my feet and so was Harry and Hermione. I saw Umbridge been taken away by bane. She was still screaming and struggling. But eventually her screams died down ash she was taken away.

"And these?" said another centaur.

"They are young" said another one. "We do not attack foals"

"They brought her here Ronan" said the centaur that was gripping my arm. "And they are not so young… he is nearing manhood, this one"

"Please" said Hermione breathlessly. "Please don't attack us, we don't

Think like her. We aren't ministry of magic employees! We only came here because we hoped you'd drive her off for us-"

Bad choice of words Hermione.

"You see Ronan? They already have the arrogance of their kind! So we were to do your dirty work, were we, human girl? We were to act as your servants, drive away your enemies like obedient hounds?"

"No!" she said quickly. "Please- I didn't mean that! I just hoped you'd be able to-to help us-"

"We do not help humans" said the only griping me. "We are a race apart and proud to be so…we will not permit you to walk away from here boasting that we did you're bidding!"

"Were not going to say anything like that!" Harry shouted. "We know you didn't do anything because you wanted to-"

"They came here unasked; they must pay for the consequences!"

I heard the approval of many. We weren't going to get out of this one alive…

"You said you didn't hurt the innocent!" I shouted desperately. "We haven't done anything to offend you or hurt you"

They didn't listen just then there was a horrible noise that made the centaurs drop Harry, Hermione and I. They got their bows and arrows ready as the biggest creature I had ever seen as he ripped off the ground two thick trees, or maybe it rivaled a dragon, in size.

But this thing was no giant magical lizard, oh god no this was a huge giant…man?

The centaurs back away pointing their bows and arrows at the giant.

"Hagger!" he kept bellowing.

"Harry I think he's trying to say hagrid" Hermione said amidst all the chaos.

"Why am, I not surprised to know hagrid is involved in this!" I said not taking my eyes off the giant.

The giant saw us

"HERMY, WHERE HAGGER!"

"I don't know!' Hermione said scared. "I'm sorry grawp I don't know"

His name is grawp?

"GRAWP WANT THAGGER!"

Grawp swung his hand and Hermione screamed and stumbled then fell. All Harry and I could do was stand there petrified.

The centaurs took control and they began to shoot arrows at him. Grawps blood fell on us as if it were rain.

We helped Hermione up and ran as fast as we could to the trees grawp seemed beyond mad and was smashing trees and whatever he found. Then grawp seemed to be leaving and the centaurs followed in after him.

"Oh no" Hermione said sounding worried. "Oh, that was horrible. And he might kill them all"

"I'm not that fussed to be honest" Harry said sincerely.

"I usually don't oppose to whatever new monster hagrid decides to have as a pet but this is seriously out of line. What did he mistake it for a bunny or something?"

"It's his half brother" Harry said.

"oh well I think you guys forgot to tell me all about it"

I felt my scar throb and I remembered what had to be done.

"okay you guys checked for Sirius I think we have already wasted enough time, what the hell do we do now!" I said mad.

"We have to get to the castle" Hermione said.

"No we need to get to the ministry Hermione. For all we know Sirius could be dead!"

"Shut up Alex! Shut up right now!" Harry said mad now.

"Well we can't do anything without our wands." Hermione said trying to calm us down. "And anyways melody how are you planning on going all the way to London"

I opened my mouth but someone else spoke.

"Yeah we were wondering the same" Ron said as he walked toward us along with Ginny Neville, and Luna. They didn't look too well so it was obvious that there was fight between them and the slytherins to escape.

Luckily they got our wands back

"And how are we going to get there?" Ron said. After they had explained everything.

"Well, we'll have to fly wont we" Luna said.

"I've got a broom!" said Ginny.

"Yeah but your not going" Ron snapped. And that's when he Ginny and Harry had an argument.

"There's no damn time for this. Ginny just stay here-"I was cut off by Harry.

"You're staying here too" he said firmly.

"What the fuck Harry, shut up!" I said annoyed.

"No I do recall you promising Edward you were going to stay safe, time to keep that promise"

"You know what I'm not going to argue with you but no matter what you do I'm going like it or not"

"Were all going" Neville said.

Ten minutes of arguing later everything was set.

Luna had a brilliant idea and now we were all mounting a thestral each.

I buried my hands in the mane of the thestral I was on.

"This is mad" Ron said faintly. "If I could just see them"

"You better hope it stays invisible" Harry said darkly.

As Harry's thestral took flight, the others soon followed. I very nearly fell off. I wrapped my hands more securely on the mane of the thestral as it flew with a speed I had never experienced. The air was biting at my flesh and my cheeks soon went numb. I closed my eyes and lowered my face to the thestral's mane.

Soon we had left Hogwarts and hogsmeade behind.

_Please let him be alive, please Sirius hold on_

Edward would have probably died if he knew what I was doing. I was suddenly grateful that Alice couldn't see my future.

After what seemed like ages to me, despite my deep thinking, the thestral began to slow down. Then it began to descend, I held on tighter to keep from slipping forward.

Sure enough I could see London now, the animal landed softer than I expected and as soon as it stopped moving I slid off much like everyone else.

I looked around and I saw the vandalized telephone box.

Harry led us to the telephone box were we all crammed inside.

_Almost there Sirius hold on a bit more. _

Once again I seemed to barely take in my surroundings; my only thought was to get to the department of mysteries fast.

"Whoever's the nearest on to the receiver dial-"

"I got it" I said and with a little effort I was able to raise my hand and dial the number.

"Welcome to the department of mysteries" said a voice. "Please state your name and purpose.

"Harry potter, Alex potter, Ginny weasley, Ron weasley, Neville longbottom, and Hermione granger. Were here to save someone unless your ministry can do it first." Harry said impatiently. The nametags came out and I took them and passed them out not caring who got which.

After more of the lady's talking the telephone booth finally began to descend, into the ministry of magic.

No wonder voldemort got in unnoticed; the atrium that was usually bustling with witches and wizards was completely empty. Everything seemed deserted. The door of the telephone box burst open and without warning everyone stumbled out. We sprinted down the deserted hall quickly we went inside the lift and Harry pressed the number nine.

We all waited in complete silence. But there was panic around us; all of us worried about what was ahead of us. I just hope everyone got safely out of here.

The gates of the lift slid open and the voice of the lady announced we had arrived to the department of mysteries.

I jogged to the black door with the others following. I had dreamed of this door the whole year and now I was finally here.

After one last failed attempt of Harry to try to leave some people behind Harry and I walked forward and just like in our dreams it swung open by itself. We walked over the threshold with everyone following. Our wands were held tightly in our hands, ready for whatever came our way.

I recognized the circular room. The candles were the only source of light and they were burning blue.

"Close the door" I murmured, my voice much more composed than I expected it to be.

As soon as they closed the door there was only haunting darkness then only thing we could see were the flames and it's reflection on the floor.

There were so many doors…

Without warning the flames began to rotate. The wall was rotating. This made things all the more difficult. Now we didn't even know which one would lead us out.

"We have to check each door" I said, realizing that there was no other way.

Harry described what it looked like through the door, in our dreams.

As we checked many doors I had the nasty feeling we were being watched.

We opened another door it slightly resembled a courtroom where our trial had been held over the summer. But instead of a chained chair there was a dais where there was a stone archway with a white veil that didn't look like any material I had ever seen, it looked like some strange silk that was see through…the oddest thing I have ever seen. It moved as if there was a breeze in the room, its movements resembling those of a small stream of water.

"Whose there?" Harry said out of nowhere. He jumped on the lower bench. Instinctively I turned to look at the veil. It moved quietly, I felt some type of presence around it. Somewhere close to it I swear I could hear a faint murmur…was I imagining it?

Harry and I went down the benches until we reached the stone bottom of the sunken pit.

The veil remained moving, as if somebody had just passed through it.

"Sirius?" I called. But I knew he wasn't in here. And he wasn't behind the veil. So why did I feel like I should go and see what was behind it?

Someone was there, I knew it…. I could feel it ….just behind the veil.

I could hear the people behind me talk but I couldn't make out what they were saying. The whispers grew more pronounced, they were real, I knew it. They were whispering to me…I think…

"Sirius…your right" I heard Harry say.

Something pulled on my wrist. And I noticed I had been walking towards the archway.

"Wait" I argued not taking my eyes off it. "Let go…I have to see…"

"Alex we have to go for Sirius" I heard Harry say.

"No wait- I need to see what's there…let go of me... I need to go through the veil Harry!"

The echoes of my voice brought sense back to me and my survival instincts caught on to me. I stopped and stared at the veil, it no longer felt inviting…

_Get away from the veil_ said a voice that sounded and awful lot to Edward's… but it was nowhere near as beautiful and soothing as Edward's.

I turned to look at Harry. He was holding my hand with a frightened expression.

"We have to get Sirius" I whispered. Harry nodded.

"Come on" he said.

I allowed myself to be pulled out of the room, ignoring the worried looks the others gave me. I looked back at the veil before we got out. And it seemed to be begging me to go back towards it.

We tried another door and I felt a sense of relief when I recognized the room.

"This is it" Harry and I said at the same time.

Without checking to see how accurate my dreams of this room had been, I moved forward without stopping.

_So close Sirius _

"Come one it's through here" I said stopping in front of another door. My heart was pumping faster now. I could feel it pound in every inch of my body. Making me hyperaware of everything that was going on.

I pushed gently on the door and swung open. This was definitely the room, the one that resembled a church with many shelves holding the glass spheres.

But it didn't seem like there was anyone in here.

"Row ninety-seven" I whispered as I ran through the aisles.

Everyone was being cautious. I became more and more anxious as I neared row ninety-seven.

_He's not dead. Harry and I would have felt it…he's not dead_

"Ninety-seven" Hermione whispered.

We all stopped and looked down at the aisle except there was something horribly wrong.

Sirius wasn't there.

I stared down at the floor where I had seen him writhing in pain, and listened to my brother's confused mutterings. The boy was still in denial.

He's still alive, I know it. But if he isn't here…was he ever here to begin with?

A bad feeling settled deep in my chest and it made my whole body ache, my head pound and my heart almost stop. I recognized this feeling. It was the same feeling that had taken over me that day at the grave yard when I realized it was a trap.

It was terror. A terror so big I could feel it on my very bones.

I felt a hint of confusion that was certainly not part of my feelings. I turned to Harry, trying to figure out why he was confused.

I turned and saw him and the others looking up at a shelf. I followed their sight and I saw an orb that said:

_S.p.t to a.p.w.b.d_

_Dark lord _

_And Harry & Alexandra potter_

I felt my face contort into a frown.

_"Take it for me" voldemort…or I…had said. "I cannot touch it but you can" _

Is this what he was talking about? Why couldn't he touch it?

Harry reached for it and I looked at his arm as he went for it

"Harry I don't think you should touch it" Hermione said making Harry stop.

"Why not?" he said, "it's got to do with Alex and I doesn't it?"

"Don't Harry" Neville said. Without looking away from Harry's hand I tilted my head towards him.

"Take it" I whispered. "It won't hurt you"

I knew I was right. I don't know how but it was just an instinct I had. Whatever that thing was it wouldn't cause Harry or me any harm.

I felt everyone's eyes turn to me. And I nodded in assurance. Harry reached for the sphere once more and took it down from the shelve slowly. I noticed I was breathing heavily, as if I had just run a marathon. Still my eyes didn't leave the sphere as Harry lowered it and held it between him and me. I looked up at him to see him frowning at the little ball.

"Very good, potter." Said an ice cold voice I instantly recognized. "Now turn around, nice and slowly, and give that to me."

I turned abruptly to find Lucius Malfoy and a dozen death eaters appearing from thin air.

We all moved together instinctively as the death eaters surrounded us.

"To me, potter" said Malfoy in a dangerously soft voice. He held out his hand for the sphere.

Please let this all be a horrible dream. I half expected Edward to wake me up any time now and comfort me while I told him what I saw and he promised to protect me from everyone who dared to try and hurt me.

"Where's Sirius?" Harry demanded.

Just hearing the death eaters laugh confirmed my suspicions. I just wished I had heard Hermione earlier today. Because this was a trap, Sirius was never here, we saw what voldemort wanted us to see and we believed it. And now not only were we in trouble but we had just put our friends in the line for death. All because we didn't listen.

"I want to know where Sirius is!" Harry said angrily.

"_I want to know where Sirius is!" _Mimicked a woman that was beside Malfoy.

"You've got him" Harry said and I was able to detect a note of panic in his voice, though no one else did. "He's here I know he is"

"_The little baby woke up fwightened and fort what it had dweamed was twoo" _said the woman in a horrible mock-baby voice.

"Don't do anything" Harry told us. "Not yet-"

The woman let out a scream of laughter that startled me.

"You hear him? _You hear him? _Giving instructions to the other children as though he think of fighting us"

"Oh you don't know the potters like I do bellatrix" Malfoy said. "They both have a great weakness for heroics: the dark lord understands this about them. _Now give me the prophecy, potter" _

Prophecy?

"I know Sirius is here" Harry pressed. "_I know you've got him_"

The death eaters laughed once more.

"He was never here" I said to Harry, it was time he understood this. "Trap" I whispered so only he could hear me, but I didn't dare look at his expression.

"Listen to your sister" Malfoy said. "Maybe she can teach you about the difference between life and dreams" he said. "Now give me the prophecy or we start using wands."

_Keep them talking. _I told Harry, realizing I had access to his thoughts. _Keep them talking while I think. _

"Go on, then" Harry challenged. He raised his wand to level with his chest and we all followed.

I tried to clear my head from the panic I was having. Handing them the prophecy was not an option, they would kill us all when we did. How do we get out of here alive? This was all Harry and my fault so we had to get the rest out of here safely…problem is we are nowhere near being safe. We were easily outnumbered and these were fully grown wizards with many more years of experience, not to mention killers. What are we going to do?

A smashing noise that brought me out of my thoughts. Several prophecies' fell to the floor. And to white figures rose from the broken glass like white smoke and spoke. They spoke at the same time so that we couldn't make out what they said.

Smash the prophecies… of course.

_Harry when I tell you, smash as many shelves as you can. _

_Brilliant, okay just hurry up, my luck will run out soon. _

Without loosing any time I slowly felt around with my foot for whoever was close to me. I never took my eyes off the death eaters. I felt a foot and pressed lightly on it.

"What?" Hermione whispered.

"Dumbledore never told you that the reason you both bear that scar was hidden in the bowels of the department of mysteries?"

My head snapped to look at Malfoy.

"What?" what I said loudly. "What about our scar?"

_"What?" _Hermione hissed but I ignored her.

"Can this be? " Malfoy said delighted. I couldn't help but glare in annoyance when the death eaters laughed.

I heard Harry hiss to Hermione to smash the shelves.

"Dumbledore never told you" Malfoy said. "Well this explains why you two didn't come earlier. Potter, the dark lord wondered why-"

"-when Alex says go-"Harry told her

"- you both didn't come running when he showed you the place where it was hidden in your dreams. He thought natural curiosity would make you want to hear the exact wording…"

"Did he now?" I asked calmly. "Interesting, so he wanted us to come here and get it? Alright but why?"

"Why? Because the only people permitted to retrieve a prophecy from the department of mysteries, potter, are those about whom it was made, as the dark lord discovered when he attempted to use others to steal it for him"

"Okay I get it but why would he want to steal a prophecy about us?" I asked as if this was just a nice chat between friends, though it didn't feel like that at all.

"Haven't you ever wondered why the dark lord tried to kill you two when you were just baby's?"

"Why couldn't he come and get it himself?" Harry asked

"Get it himself?" bellatrix shrieked and let out a maniac laugh.

"The dark lord, walk into the ministry of magic when they are so sweetly ignoring his return? The dark lord, reveal himself to the aurors, when at the moment they are wasting their time on my dear cousin?"

_Almost time_ I told Harry. _We strike when they talk _

"So he's got you doing his dirty work for him, has he?" Harry asked. "Like he tried to do with Sturgis…and with bode"

"Very good, potter, very good…" Malfoy said. "But the dark lord knows you are not unintelli-"

"NOW" I bellowed

I heard six different voices shout "_REDUCTO!" _the curses hit shelves in different directions and at once the sphere fell and smashed to pieces as many shadowy figures rose and all talked at the same time.

"RUN!" I heard Harry shout.

We all ran at once as the shelves fell and death eaters shouted in surprise and some in pain.

_Take the prophecy they all think I have it _harry said tossing me the crystal sphere. I caught it with ease as we ran back the way we had come. We ran out the door and slammed it shut.

_"Colloportus!" _I heard Hermione gasp and the door sealed itself.

"Where- where are the others?" I looked around me.

"Shit!" I screamed in frustration. Ron Luna and Ginny weren't with us

"They must have gone the other way" whispered Hermione.

We began to hear voices coming from the door Hermione had just sealed.

"We'll split" I heard Malfoy say. "And don't forget be gentle with the potters until we've got the prophecy, you can kill the others if necessary."

I paid no attention to the rest

"come on I said shoving Hermione Harry and Neville. We began running out to the circular room we were almost there when I heard a death eater open up the door Hermione had just shut.

We all hid under the nearby desks and I clutched the sphere tightly to my chest as I tried to calm down my erratic breathing.

The death eaters began to search under the desks. Not to far away heard Harry shout a stunning spell I got out from under the desk and saw a death eater point his wand, I knew he was aiming to kill.

Rage boiled under my skin as I he began to say the curse.

"_EXPELLIARMUS!" _I said aiming at the death eater. He turned to look at who had just disarmed him.

"_STUPEFY!" _Hermione cried and he fell to the floor. I growled and made my way towards the unconscious death eater, wanting nothing more than to kill him.

"No Alex there's no time for whatever you want to do!" Hermione said pushing against me.

"Fine!" I growled

"Get out of the way, Harry!" we heard Neville shout and we both turned to see Harry running towards a death eater who was running further ahead. Both heading back towards the hall of prophecies.

Harry flung himself sideways as Neville shouted "_STUPEFY!_"

He missed instead it hit a cabinet close by and the cabinet fell to the floor and the glass it contained flew everywhere then it went back to the wall repaired then fell again…it didn't stop breaking and repairing itself.

The death eater picked up his wand.

_"STUPE-!" _

_"STUPEFY!" _I shouted before he could finish. It hit him straight in the chest and he fell back to the bell jar beside him. His head sank through the surface of the bell jar.

"_Accio wand!" _Hermione said and I saw Harry wand as she catched it. Then she tossed it to Harry.

"Thanks" Harry began.

"What the hell!" I said shocked at what I was seeing.

The death eaters head was shrinking! As it shrank it turned to a baby's head. Then it began to swell and turn back to a mans head.

"It's time" Hermione said. "Time_" _

"Time is what we don't fucking have right now!" I said. Right then we all heard a shout come from another room.

"RON?" Harry shouted "GINNY? LUNA?"

I looked back at the death eater who had managed to get his head out of the jar. I raised my wand and pointed it at him. But Hermione stopped me; I turned to look at her.

"You can't hurt a baby!"

She can't be fucking serious! That _baby_ just tried to kill us!

"Come on!" Harry said

He led us to the door that was opened at the other side of the door. I heard another door open and two other death eaters ran in.

"_Impedimenta!' _I heard them cry.

I ducked at just the right time as I instinctively covered my head with the one arm that wasn't holding the prophecy. Everyone else was knocked backward off their feet.

"WE'VE GOT THEM" said a voice "IN AN OFFICE OF-"

"Aggh!" I growled pointing my wand at him. "_Silencio!" _the man continued speaking but nothing was heard coming from his mouth.

_"Petrificus totalus!" _Harry cried as I turned to see a death eater pointing his wand at me. The spell hit his square in the face and he toppled backward.

"HERMIONE!" I turned to see my brother on the floor next to an unconscious Hermione.

_Please let her just be unconscious_ I thought

I hurried over to Hermione. She was still warm, and she still had a pulse. I let out a breath of relief. I heard Neville

"Whaddid he do to her?" Neville asked coming over towards us. He had a bloodied nose and broken lip.

"I dunno she's still alive though" I said and I instantly felt a wave of relief emit from Harry.

"Neville we need to get you and Hermione out of here so you can raise an alarm or something." Harry said.

"And whad are you going do do?" Neville asked.

"Alex and I will look for the others"

Neville refused, and we weren't in any position to argue about it, so he carried Hermione as we crept out towards the door to the blue lit hallway.

The door behind us closed and immediately another opened three people fell out of it.

Something was wrong with Ron. He looked…he looked drunk and he could barely stand.

"What happened to him?" I asked.

They didn't know, but Ginny seemed to have a broken ankle. Luna helped Ginny up and Harry and I got Ron. The prophecy slipped a little, I tightened my hold around it. If this thing broke they will kill us all.

"Which is the exit?" I asked. All the doors where the same, the chances on finding the door fast were very slim.

We made our way to one door but the one across the hall burst opened.

"There they are!" shrieked bellatrix.

We ran towards the door as stunning spells went everywhere around the room. We were over the threshold just in time.

"_Colloportus!" _I hissed pointing my wand at the door. We could hear the death eaters just behind the door. There were more doors in this room, more entrances for them. It was the brain room. Panicked Harry Neville Luna and I went around the room sealing all the doors.

"_collo-aaaaaaarrgh!" _I turned abruptly to see Luna flying through the air and hit the opposite wall she lay unconscious on the floor.

"Get potter!" bellatrix screamed. Death eaters made their way over to us; they still thought Harry had it. Very discreetly I slipped the crystal ball into the pocket of my robes.

"RON!"

My head snapped in Ron's direction. Everyone stopped in their tracks to see the horrifying image before our eyes. The tentacles of the brain he was holding wrapped themselves around his arms and they kept going to his chest.

"NO-N-NO!" Ron fell to the floor thrashing and struggling to get the tentacles off of him.

_"Diffindo!_" Harry said pointing at the string-like tentacles but nothing helped.

The death eaters came back to their senses and they attacked once more, successfully stunning Ginny.

_I'll get them away from you_ I thought.

If they saw me running away they would figured had the prophecy and would come after me.

_No!_ Harry thought.

But it was too late, I was already sprinting away. They all ran behind me throwing stunning spells in my direction, but never hitting me. I ran through the door the death eaters had come in through. I was running when the floor seemed to be pulled out from under my feet and I was falling down steep stone step after steep stone step. I was back at the room with the stone archway and the veil.

I groaned in pain and instinctively curled into my body as I tried to regain the breath that had been knocked out of me. My head pounded from the force of the fall. Death eaters came from every direction, I could hear them laughing at me. Ignoring the pain my body was in, I got up and grabbed my wand, the prophecy was still-thankfully- unharmed. I walked back looking in every direction trying to find a way out but my back hit the archway. All of the death eaters looked at me, all pointing their wand at me. I was vaguely aware that my nose was severely bleeding and there was a gash on my cheek.

"Game over" Lucius said. "Now hand over the prophecy like a good girl"

"You have to let the others go first though" I said, as I put my hand inside my pocket and gripped the glass sphere.

"You are in no position to bargain" Lucius said. "There are ten of us and one of you-"

"She's not alone!" Harry called. He walked over to me quickly and raised his wand at them.

_You're supposed to be helping Ron! _

He ignored me.

"Perfect" bellatrix said with a wild air around her. "Why don't we use her dear brother to persuade her?"

"We are not to touch them bellatrix, they are the dark lords only" Lucius said sharply.

"I wont kill them…I'll simply persuade them a bit."

_Whatever happens don't give it to them melody _

I was beyond panicked now, they were going to hurt him… lord what do I do?!

"_Crucio!" _I felt pain as the curse hit Harry, but the pain he sent my way wasn't anything compared to what he was probably feeling.

I fell to the floor as Harry screams mixed with my own.

Then the pain was gone only to leave my whole body shaking and aching.

"Now give us the prophecy potter or we go get your friends and kill them before your eyes!" bellatrix cooed.

_Harry I have to!_ I cried inside my head desperately.

Just as the thought crossed my mind a door burst open. The death eaters turned to look and without looking to see who it was I scrambled to Harry's side and got him up and we ran off the dais and out of the way. Spells shot in every direction.

"Duck!" Harry called. And we both fell flat to the ground

"How's Ron!" I asked

"I had to leave I couldn't get it off him Alex, and they could of hurt you!" Harry said pleading with me to understand.

Beside us the stone floor exploded as a spell hit it.

"Come on!" Harry called he ran ahead thinking I was following.

I began to get up but a hand pulled me from the ankle.

"Gah!" I screamed as I fell back to the floor, I heard a crack and pain as a river of blood flowed from my nose. I turned and saw a death eater on the floor pulling me by the ankle towards him.

"Give me that prophecy!" he growled.

He pulled at my leg harder and I screamed as he dragged me closer to him, with my other foot I found his face and kicked him repeatedly in the face until he was unconscious.

"Are you all right" Harry coming over to me.

"No! Let's go" I said I put my hand on the stone floor to get up but just then my hand came into contact with a ball. I moved my hand and saw Moody's magical eye there.

I screamed in fright I turned to look at moody who lay on his side with blood coming from his head.

The death eater that had attacked him was now looking up at us, his face twisted into a horrible grin. I scrambled around trying to find my wand just as Harry raised his own wand.

"_accio-" _I turned to see the death eater being thrown backward. He hit the stone wall with and incredible force.

"Edward!" I screamed as the many shouts towered over my own screams.

Edwards face was contorted into a mask of fury as he looked at the death eater that lay on the floor. I wasn't sure if he was alive or not.

Edwards head snapped to me as he heard me call him. In less than a blink of an eye he was next to me.

_NO, NO, NO! He can't be here!_

"Are you-" he stiffened and he raised a hand to my face. I felt his fingers touch my top lip and ten he raised his fingers to examine them. They were filled with blood. He stopped breathing and his already dark eyes turned deadly black.

"Edward?" I called nervously.

"Alex! Get away from him!" called Sirius.

I saw Edwards's scared hungry expression as I scrambled away from his grasp.

"Edward" I whispered.

"Come on Alex!" Harry said pulling me away. "It's not safe"

"_Accio proh-" _we turned to see another death eater pointing his wand at me.

Sirius came out of nowhere and rammed into him. They began dueling; he raised his wand to curse Sirius.

_"Petrificus totalus!"_ I shouted pointing at the death eater. It hit him right on the chest and he froze and fell back.

"Nice one" Sirius called as he forced our heads down to avoid a spell. A flash of green light narrowly avoided me and I looked across the room and saw tonks falling to the ground. Bellatrix smiled in triumph.

"Now you two take the prophecy and run" Sirius called and then he dashed to meet bellatrix. I turned searching for Edward, if something happened to him it would all be my fault. If something happened to him I would die.

I found him neatly ducking out of the spells a death eater was throwing at him. The fight was equal, Edward had the agility and strength, but the death eater's magic was equally powerful.

"He'll be fine Alex come on" Harry called pulling me away. As we ran a man lunged at us we all fell backward. I took out the prophecy and held it tightly to my chest to protect it.

"Give me the prophecy potter" bellowed Lucius in my ear, his wand jabbed me in my ribs.

"Harry!" I screamed, he turned and I held out the ball and chucked it at him before Lucius could grab it. He caught it and made a run for it. Lucius pointed his wand at Harry.

"_Impedimenta!" _I said pointing my wand back over my shoulder. Lucius was blasted off of me. I turned and saw him smash into the dais were bellatrix and Sirius were having a heated duel. Lucius pointed his wand at Harry who was coming my way to help me get up and out of here. Before he could strike lupin jumped between Harry and Lucius and deflected the curse.

"Harry, round up the others and GO!"

Harry nodded and lupin left to battle another death eater.

I got up and ran towards Harry who was now running away from a death eater, he kept sending curses behind him but none hit the death eater.

"_Stupefy!" _I shouted. Harry caught up with me.

"Give me the prophecy" I gasped as we ran to the door across the room.

He fumbled with the sphere and attempted to hand it to me. A curse flew over my head, as a reflex reaction, I covered my head with my arm and knocked the prophecy off of Harry's hand. The crystal sphere fell and smashed into a thousand pieces. A misty figure rose and began to speak, but nothing could be heard over all the chaos around us.

"Damn! I'm sorry Harry" I said.

I didn't hear what hew said just then our salvation came through a door.

"_Dumbledore!" _I cried as I looked up at the doorway from the brain room. Relief washed through me as I saw his face, white with fury.

Some death eaters saw and made a run for it. Dumbledore pulled them back with spells easily.

I saw Edward close by, fighting with another death eater. Loud animalistic growls erupted from deep inside his chest as he ducked a green jet of light that very narrowly missed him.

"Edward" I gasped and made to go towards him.

"Get back here" Harry said pulling me back.

"Come on" I heard Sirius shout; I turned and saw him still battling with bellatrix. "You can do better than that!" he taunted her.

Her second jet of green light hit him on the chest.

In my mind everything stopped.

his eyes widened in shock.

Without thinking Harry and I ran to the dais. As we ran Sirius body fell through the veil…just like that. The last expression that took over his features was that of fear and surprise. It was the very last image I had of my godfather as he disappeared behind the veil.

Somewhere far away bellatrix screamed in triumph and I kept running to the dais.

"She can't go through the veil Edward!" I heard someone call. Immediately something stopped me from running through that veil.

"NO!" I growled. "NO! SIRIUS! COME BACK! COME BACK DAMMIT!

"I'm sorry Alex" Edwards's soft, pained voice murmured in my ear. I turned towards him.

"SHUT UP!" I growled- a sound almost identical to the one he had while he fought the death eater- I punched his rock hard chest in anger.

"He's gone" he whispered to me.

"SHUT UP! DON'T SAY THAT! YOURE LYING WE CAN STILL GET TO HIM. JUST DON'T SAY THAT TO ME!" I bellowed hitting every part of his body. He held me tightly to him though. "He's not gone!" I screamed. "SIRIUS! SIRIUS!"

"He's gone Alex he can't come back" Edward pleaded.

"Damn it Edward why are you trying to hurt me?! Fuck you Edward! He's not dead!"

He's not gone he can't be gone! Why is everyone saying he's dead? Dammit why isn't he coming back?!

I was vaguely aware of Edward carrying me away. I looked over his shoulder at the archway. No one came out of it.

No one would come out of it ever.

Edward sat on a stone bench next to Harry and he cradled me in his arms. Not quite knowing what to say.

Anger directed at Edward took over me. Though I knew none of this was his fault but my own.

He wasn't breathing at all, I could tell. He ducked his head to nuzzle my face. I turned away before he could reach my face. My eyes were trained on the veil. He wasn't coming back. He's leaving me too, just like mom and dad. Just like cedric…

I yell of pain brought me back to earth. Kingsley lay on the floor howling in pain as bellatrix ran away. She was running out of the room. She was escaping.

I made to get up from Edwards grasp but he tightened his hold on me.

Harry had already become free of lupin's grip and was running in her direction.

Before anyone could think something else I pressed my wand to Edwards's ribs. The movement was so abrupt and sudden Edward had no time to know what I was doing until I shouted.

_"Stupefy!" _His grip instantly slackened and I jumped off and ran in Harry's direction as Edward slumped down the benches. Shouts directed at me came from behind me, shouts I hardly paid attention to. Adrenaline ran through my body as I ran after my brother. Bellatrix needed to pay for what she did. And she was going to pay with her worthless and miserable life. I ran to the circular room where the door behind me closed and the room spun.

_Ask _I heard Harry's mental voice tell me.

"Which is the way out?!" I called and the door opened.

Wasting no time, I ran to the lift that was just closing at the moment. I ran inside it and crashed into the wall.

Harry was there and he helped me up. We ran out before the doors of the lift opened completely.

Bellatrix was almost on her way out. She saw us and aimed a spell at the both of us. We ducked it just in time. We found cover behind a fountain. Quiet fell upon the atrium. She had stopped running.

She wasn't gone.

"Come out come out" she cooed in her mock baby voice. "What did you two come after me for then? I thought you were here to avenge my dear cousin.

"Did you _love_ him, little baby potter?" she continued.

The overwhelming hatred bubbling inside me only intensified as Harry's hatred rolled off of him and came towards me in strong waves. It was almost maddening.

Driven by the same intense feeling. Both Harry and I shot out from behind the fountain and shot at her.

"_Crucio!"_ we said in a perfect chorus.

She screamed and was knocked to her feet. Even so I knew that the curse had worked to its fullest power. She confirmed it for us.

"Never used an unforgivable curse have you?" she said maniacally "you need to _mean_ them! You need to really wan to cause pain – enjoy it- I'll teach how it's done. A lesson wouldn't hurt either of you"

We ducked in time and her curse hit the fountain a piece of it fell off.

"You cannot win against me!" she shouted. "I was and am the dark lords most loyal servant, I learned the dark arts from him, and I know spell of such power that you, pathetic little kids, can never hope to compete-"

"_Stupefy!" _I yelled

She deflected it so fast that it almost hit me. It hit the statue and another piece fell off.

"Give me the prophecy potter" she said dangerously.

"Well you're gong to be disappointed to find that you won't find it anymore."

Pain centered on my scar as the words left my mouth.

_He knows, he knows and he is mad Harry_.

"He knows" Harry said, "And he isn't very happy"

"What are you talking about?" she stammered and for the first time tonight she sounded afraid.

"It smashed" I said. "It slipped off my fingers and fell to the ground. You should have seen it. A million pieces scattering on the floor. It was fantastical"

The pain intensified. I put my fingers to my temples and massaged them. Though I knew that would not work.

"LIAR" she screamed in terror. "_Accio prophecy!" _

"Wont get nothing from us Bella" I taunted her. "It's gone…poof!" I laughed.

"You're lying" she screamed once more "MASTER PLEASE! DON'T –DON'T PUNISH ME!"

"Oh he can't here you from here" Harry called.

"Can't I, potter?" said a high cold voice that made my insides freeze. I never realized I had closed my eyes until I opened them. Living death seemed to stand before me. A face so horribly disfigured that it looked more like a snake than a human face. Voldemort had his wand pointed at Harry and me. A year ago I was face to face with him, and that night I lost the person I loved so much, the one who I already had a life planned out with. Tonight I lost my godfather. Would I loose more tonight?

"So you smashed my prophecy?" he asked softly his slit pupiled eyes stared pitiless at us. "no Bella, their not lying…I see the truth looking at me from their worthless minds…after so much time my death eaters have let the potters thwart me again…"

She sobbed and pleaded for forgiveness. "Master you should know-"

"Be quiet, Bella" he said in a quietly. "I shall deal with you in a moment. Do you think I have entered the ministry to hear your sniveling apologies?"

"But master- he is here- he is below-"

She was talking about Dumbledore. But he ignored her, his eyes never left Harry or me.

"I have nothing to say to either of you." He said quietly. "You have irked me too often, for too long, _AVADA KEDABRA!_"

Since cedric died all I've wanted was death. So then why didn't I want this right now?

Edward was the answer. I didn't want to die; Edward was the greatest gift the world had to offer me, even though I didn't deserve him. I hoped that every single thing he had told me had been a complete lie. Because if it had all been true…it would be the end of him…

The golden statue of the wizard was suddenly in front of us it raised its arms protectively as the curse just glanced off the statues head. For that one second my heart stopped and then restarted.

"Dumbledore!" voldemort breathed.

Dumbledore stood in front of the golden gates. A spell was shot at him from voldemort. But then he was gone, only to appear behind voldemort. Everything was happening so fast that I could barely register it all in my mind. The other statues of the water fountain sprung to life and one went after bellatrix, successfully bringing her down to the floor. Heaven knows where the others went, because at that moment the statue protecting us began pushing back, away from the fight.

"It was foolish to come here tonight tom" Dumbledore spoke calmly. "The aurors are on their way-"

"By which time I shall be gone and you dead!"

Voldemort shot another killing curse and Dumbledore deflected it with a very powerful spell that made the ground shake.

I found refuge in Harry's arms. He held me tightly to him as we heard the spells being shot at the two people.

"You do not seek to kill me, Dumbledore?" I heard voldemort call. "Above such brutality aren't we?"

"We both know that there are other ways of destroying a man tom" responded Dumbledore "merely taking your life would not satisfy me I'm afraid."

How can he keep his calm like this?

More sounds of spells and then a blast of fire. I covered my ears and closed my eyes.

Why can't this be one of my nightmares? This is our entire fault. If anything else happens to anyone else….oh god why are they even fighting to protect us?!

I opened my eyes and looked at what was happening. The water from the fountain was enveloping voldemort as if e was in a ball full of water then he disappeared the water fell back into the pool.

"MASTER!" screamed bellatrix.

Harry's grip on my shaking form loosened and we both got up on our feet, completely sure that it was over and voldemort was gone.

"Stay where you are!" Dumbledore called to us. For the first time since I had known him he sounded afraid. And his tone made my insides squirm in fear.

I heard footsteps come our way. I turned and saw Edward coming out of the lift. My heart almost jumped out of my chest as I saw that he was unharmed.

Soon that relief was gone. Replaced only by excruciating pain that was splitting my head open. My body was in pain, but I felt like I was outside of my body. I felt like my very soul was in excruciating pain. Like my very soul was being burned in a fire that was sure to disintegrate any man that came within ten _miles_ of it.

I wasn't dead…no death was nothing compared to the amount of pain I was in. I was finally paying for all my sins.

Someone was with me, a horrible creature that was taking over me causing further pain upon my already tarnished soul.

We were one.

_"Kill me now Dumbledore" _I said in my new high pitched and cold voice. "_Death is nothing, Dumbledore, kill the girl…." _

"_Make it stop!" _I roared finding my own voice again. "_Kill me now!" _

Images flashed trough my mind.

My parents dead, Sirius going through the veil, cedric's motionless body. Every single painful memory of my insignificant life flashed before me, tearing me apart. Further plunging me more into the flames that were worst than the ones of Hades himself.

_Cedric_

_I came out of the black lake coughing out water Harry and I had been last to get out of the lake during the second task. _

_"Come here" loving hands grabbed my face and kissed me desperately. _

_"Here" he said handing me his blanket and taking me towards madam pomfrey._

Another memory flashed through my mind.

_I played the piano expertly with Edward as my harmony. I glanced up at him and he gave me a dashing smile and swiftly kissed my lips. _

_I was finally breaking, paying for cedrics death and for putting Edward in so much danger. _

Even through all the pain I was able to find traces of happiness in me. I was getting what I deserved and those memories were some of the best in my life.

A deafening scream back me back to the burning reality. The monster disentangled itself from me. My soul met with my body and my body convulsed in pain. Soon I realized that I had been the one screaming. With one last painful stroke of the fire I became more aware of my surroundings.

The first thing I felt besides the violent spasms and the ache in my body was two strong and shaking arms holding me tightly to someone's body.

The first thing I smelled the sweetest smell known to mankind.

The first thing I tasted was blood.

The first thing I heard were pained sobs coming from the person holding me.

And the first thing I saw was my dear Edward. On the floor cradling my form in his arms and sobbing into my neck his body shaking uncontrollably along with mines.

He had meant everything he ever told me. And I had come so close to destroying him.

"Will you ever forgive me?" I whispered.

He gave a gleeful cry into my neck.

"Thank you!" he cried quietly. "Thank you god! Thank you melody! Thank you!"

He searched desperately for my lips; I met him halfway there and wound my fingers into his feather-soft hair. Pulling him closer to my face.

With each kiss came a murmured thank you from him and a murmured sorry from me.

"Alex" he whispered desperately. He took my face in his hands and made me look at him through my unshed tears.

"You're never going to leave are you? " he asked, his tone made him sound half crazy. I could only imagine all the pain I had put him through tonight. "Promise me you're never going to leave me Alex not like that, you'll always be with me and you'll never let me fall. You'll never steal yourself away from me like that again. Promise me"

"I'll love you forever Edward, I'm never letting you go. I promise" I said finally letting tears spill over.

He buried his head in my neck and silently sobbed into it as I cried on his shoulder.

A little distance away, Harry was being helped up by Dumbledore. Ministry officials were coming from the fireplaces.

Gradually we both composed ourselves. Edward got up and put me back on my feet.

All I heard was. "I saw him" and "he was here! You-know- who was here!"

"Alex?"

Before I could look Harry had me crushed against his chest. Edward didn't let go of my hand.

"You're okay?" he asked taking my face in his hands and searching for any serious injury.

"I'm okay" I muttered and he kissed my forehead repeatedly.

"you're not" he breathed. "I'm pretty sure your nose is broken"

"Harry" I said pulling back and taking his hand with my free one. "Harry this is Edward. Edward this is Harry, my brother"

Harry and Edward looked at each other.

"It's great to meet you Edward. Thank you…for everything you've done for my sister. For giving me my sister back"

"I'm honored to meet you Harry, thank you for putting her life before you and for loving her the way she deserves her brother to love her." Edward said with truth ringing in every single word.

"We can discuss that after I have sent Harry and Alex back to Hogwarts" Dumbledore spoke to fudge.

Edwards arm immediately wound possessively around my waist and I hugged myself to Edward.

"Th-them here? What's all this about?" blabbered fudge

"I'll explain everything" Dumbledore repeated. "When they are back at school"

He turned towards us.

"Alex I need you at school, there are some things I have to talk about to you and Harry."

I tightened my hold on Edward. Everything that had happened was crashing down on me.

Sirius is dead.

"Edward, I need to talk to them privately you and frank are to go back to forks and I'll send her over once I am done talking to them. Please this is an urgent matter. Otherwise I wouldn't be taking her away from you"

How did he know about Edward?

I felt as Edward hesitantly loosened his grip on me.

I turned to him.

"I'll wait for you at your house" he whispered to me.

"I love you" I murmured burying my face in his chest.

"Tonight my feelings for you have only become more than words could ever describe, my beautiful Alex."

"Alex come on "said Harry taking my hand.

"Bye" I whispered to Edward.

Harry led me over to the portkey, where Dumbledore stood. He pointed his wand at me and I felt my nose get fixed.

"I'll see you in half an hour" Dumbledore said quietly to us. We touched the head of the fountain that was acting as a portkey. "One…two….three" and then we were pulled and everything underneath us disappeared.

**

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**okay personally i think since i'm going through the trouble of possibly getting in trouble at school for using the computer for non school related things i at least deserve a review from all of you **

**lol **

**p.s: to that reviewer who signed as Anon Y. mus. lmfao that just made me crack up i most certainly enjoy flames **

**they form a great part of my day **

**also to the reviewer named dani **

**yes i agree i have alot of grammar mistakes and i'm sorry for that **

**so then i will ask if there is anyone interested on being my beta please pm me **


	24. will follow you into the dark

**okay you guys boring authors not but i must do this **

**when i posted last chapter well i cant say i got many reviews. i was incredibly dissapointed. not long ago i re read the chapter and i realized that it was a piece of crap **

**lol **

**so it wasnt the readers i was dissapointed with i was dissapointed with myself for not being more original. i dont blame you guys for the lack of reviews, in fact i apologize very deeply, but to those of you who did review that pitiful chapter thank you all from the very bottom of my heart. i wont re write the chapter but i promise to be more original with next chapters. **

**when i saw how bad it was it motivated me to write this chapter i'm sorry for taking a long time but everything happens for a reason **

**once more forgive me and hope you enjoy this chapter. **

* * *

Edward's pov

"Oh yes I took divination too. I know how Alex feels. My exam was horrible" Frankie said to all of us. He had come to visit, he really got along well with all of us and he claimed that he didn't have anything to do.

"Oh man I would give anything to have been able to see her do her exam" chuckled Emmett.

Poor Alex, she wouldn't hear the end of this.

She was probably just finishing her last exam right now. I was glad this was the end. It had been the longest two weeks of my life. The only positive thing about this separation was that we would have more time to ourselves when she came back.

These two weeks I had managed to calm down the nagging worry that had been about to overtake me. Today though, it seemed especially hard to ignore it. Was it possible for a vampire to get a stomachache? Because I had one right now. I was worried so much I had a stomach ache!

Was it wrong of me to be almost positive that this bad feeling is due to the fact that something bad is going to happen?

"Edward what's wrong with you today you've been so…odd" esme asked walking over to me. Everyone looked at me in concern.

"I just have a really bad feeling about today" I admitted. Jasper finally understood my feelings.

"I'm sure she is fine Edward" he assured me.

I shook my head. "Something's wrong…I can feel it"

"Edward if it is something very bad the order will be alerted. Don't fret" Frankie said.

I shook my head and looked out towards the glass wall.

Unable to do anything else to calm me down the rest continued their conversations.

_Is it really that bad?_ Carlisle asked me.

I turned to find him standing right next to me. I nodded in response to his question.

_Well think positively, she's not unprotected. _

"I want to be with her" I said quietly.

Carlisle took a seat next to me.

_At this point anyone who questions your affections for her is surely demented._ He thought, I couldn't help but smile at the thought.

"What the-"

Carlisle and I turned our heads upon hearing Emmett.

A silvery mist appeared in the middle of the room. We all stared at it in astonishment. Minutes later I recognized it as a patronus. Alex had shown me hers not long ago. I was instantly on my feet along with Carlisle and we all gathered around the patronus which was taking the form of a four legged animal.

"I have to go" Frankie said urgently.

A doe took shape and opened its mouth to speak in the voice of a man.

_Snape?_ Thought Frankie.

Could he mean professor snape?

"Meet at the headquarters the potters might be in danger" the doe said. Then it dissolved into thin air.

Something inside me exploded with overwhelming fear.

Everyone was quiet; they all processed what they had just heard. But I understood it perfectly the minute it was spoken. Alex is in trouble, no she is in danger.

"I'm going" I said trying to keep my voice calm.

"Edward this is for the order I can't take you" he said.

A furious growl escaped me and I threw the first thing my fingers made contact with. The glass coffee table smashed against a wall into a million shards.

"Edward calm down" Carlisle tried to reason.

"My girlfriend is in trouble you think I'm just going to sit here and wait?!" I shouted.

"Edward I understand your concern but-"

I lunged at him and pinned him to the ground before he could react. I ignored the panicked calls of the others.

"Listen to me right now. I don't give a damn on whose job it is to protect her. But you will sure as hell take me to her right now before I rip you to shreds!"

Hands grasped at me and forcibly pulled me away from him.

"Edward please calm down" esme pleaded as I struggled against Carlisle's and Emmett's hands. Jasper tried to calm me down but was unsuccessful.

All of this argument is just taking away precious moments off of Alex's life. For I knew that danger meant that she was closer to death than life.

**Alice's pov **

"Edward they'll bring her back" esme said as Edward fell to the ground shaking. He pulled at his hair and let out an agonized cry.

The only time I had seen him so…battered, was when he had found Bella in that studio, almost dead.

Edward didn't even know if Alex was in danger for sure and he was already breaking down. But something deep within me knew that Alex was in grave danger. And Edward sure as hell felt it too.

**Edwards's pov**

"Please" I pleaded to Frankie. I was degrading myself but Alex could be inches from death and I couldn't allow that. Her life meant more to me than anything else in the phase of the universe. Her life is my life.

"Come on were wasting too much time here" Frankie said.

"Thank you" I whispered. I was on my feet in a heartbeat.

"Be safe" esme said placing a kiss on my cheek. "Make sure she is fine alright"

"I will" I vowed.

The rest wished me luck in their minds. I nodded and walked over to Frankie.

"Take hold of my arm" he ordered.

I took his arm and he spun on the spot. Then everything around me disappeared and I felt the darkness enveloping us crushing me. Never had I experienced anything like this, it was uncomfortable.

Just as it came it was gone. I took a gulp of unneeded air and found myself in a street. It was beginning to darken and there wasn't anyone around.

_The order will have my head for this_ Frankie thought. He set off in a run and I followed after him with ease.

_Please alex hold on, be strong, for me. _

"Here" Frankie said, coming to a stop in front of two houses. "I know I shouldn't have it with me but it came very useful tonight"

He handed me a slip of parchment. I read the thing elegant writing on it.

_The headquarters of the order of the phoenix may be found at number twelve Grimmauld place, London._

_Trust me you need to know this _he thought though he didn't think of why.

He took the piece of paper and then set fire to it with his wand.

He came to a stop in front of a house marked with the number eleven. The next house was number thirteen.

_Think about what you just read_ he thought

As soon as I did a door began to appear between the two houses. I watched in shock as a house began appearing from thin air. Never would I become accustomed to such things.

"Hurry" muttered Frankie. I strode behind him and followed him into the house.

We walked into a dark hallway lit by oil lamps.

I heard worried thoughts and voices talking as we headed to the door where the voices came from.

"Snape explain what is going on." A woman's voice demanded moments before Frankie opened the door.

"Frank, about time you got here" I recognized Sirius's voice but it was laced with a fear that I had never before heard in him.

I walked through the room and everyone became quiet. All their eyes turned to me.

_What are you doing here!_ Sirius thought.

The rest had confused thoughts.

There was a woman with spiky purple hair, a heavily scarred man with a black eye and the other eye an electrical blue. This I deduced was mad eye moody; the woman was tonks I assumed. The bald black wizard must be Kingsley. Leaving only who I assumed to be Remus lupin and professor snape.

"Who is he?" said a black haired man whom I assumed to be snape.

"This is Alex's boyfriend, Edward Cullen" Frankie said.

Boyfriend sounded like such and inadequate word.

Everyone's stunned expressions turned to Frankie.

"It doesn't matter he isn't supposed to be here" snape spat.

" I came here for Alex, I wont be leaving until I make sure she is safe and I see it with my own eyes." I hissed. We cant waste more time.

"I'm afraid, Edward" Sirius said, "that I agree with snape. This isn't the place for you to be in"

"My place is to protect her and make sure that she is out of harms way" I said coldly.

"You're a muggle" growled mad eye moody. I couldn't answer to this.

"Everything said in this house is to never leave this house mad eye. so if any of you repeat what you have heard from this point on to anyone who is not in the order there will be major consequences" warned Frankie.

_I'm sorry Edward but I must tell them_

"I understand" I told him.

"Edward is not a muggle, he is a vampire"

Awestruck faces looked at me.

"It doesn't matter what I am. What's going on with Alex and her brother?" I said urgently.

Everyone snapped their heads back towards snape.

"Snape what is going on?" Sirius said.

Snape gave me one cold look before turning to the rest of the people in the room.

"I think they've gone to the ministry" he stated.

"WHAT!" Sirius said horrorstruck.

"Earlier today they caught the potters and some others trying to use the Floo network. I was called by Umbridge and Harry told me something quite cryptic. He said that they had padfoot at the place it was hidden."

As he said this I saw what he made out of this sentence. They thought voldemort had Sirius at the ministry of magic. Sirius and the rest figured out the same.

"When did this happen?" tonks asked.

"About two hours ago that's when I called in to make sure that Sirius was here. Then they went into the forbidden forest with Umbridge then and they didn't come out"

"They left" whispered Frankie.

"We have to go to the ministry immediately."

"I think" snape said turning to face Sirius. "That you and the boy should stay here so that they can inform Dumbledore on the matter."

A growl built up in my throat.

"I am not going to stay here while Harry and Alex are out there fighting for their lives and you know what? Neither is Edward"

"This isn't the time for you to want to prove yourself black" hissed snape. "Dumbledore needs to be informed"

"Well that's not a problem at all. I'll just tell kreacher to tell Dumbledore what is going on"

"Do as you wish, I'll search the forest maybe there still there. But I doubt that boy will be of any help"

"Just look for them at the forest" I said coldly.

Snape narrowed his eyes at me.

_I wonder if Dumbledore is aware of this_ snape thought.

"Hurry then" he said and with that he walked out the room.

"First of all, you have to realize that it is dangerous to have a vampire in a place were there will most likely be spilled blood." the man I assumed to be Kingsley spoke.

I hadn't hunted in a long time. My eyes were black. Could I resist?

Yes I could.

"I can control myself" I said speaking quickly.

"Let's stop wasting time" tonks said hurriedly.

They all stood up and walked out of the kitchen in a file.

Sirius and I were the last ones.

_Thank you for coming_

"I wasn't going to stay home doing nothing" I replied. He smiled and put a hand on my shoulder leading me out of the room in a fast pace. Well fast for him.

"Edward if they are there" Sirius said as we ran out of the house. "Don't kill. I don't want a massacre, especially because the less blood there is the better"

"I wont" Alex didn't deserve a killer. But I would definitely make them regret to have even thought of harming her.

Once we were out of the house Sirius gripped my shoulder tighter and instantly I felt darkness crushing me again. And then I everything around me came back. But we were now in a huge atrium. It was completely deserted.

"This way" said Sirius as everyone broke off to a run.

As I ran I was hit by her scent. I was so close to her, my heart felt like it would soon start beating. That protective instinct built inside me and propelled me to hurry.

_Edward please slow down_

I did as asked but I wasn't able to recognize the person that had talked I was too fixated upon her scent.

Her scent led me to a small elevator-like room. The other catched up to me and soon we were on our way to the department of mysteries.

Her scent hit me harder here and I slightly struggled to keep my mind.

_Wait for me darling be strong _I thought

We quickly went in through the door.

What I saw before me almost drove me mad with utter despair. How was I to find her now? There were so many doors!

It was a circular room with blue fire for light. Doors were situated on all of the walls.

When the others entered the room the door shut. Just as it was shut I heard a sound that gave me joy and excruciating pain.

My Alex was screaming.

She was alive. But was she in pain? Was she hurt? Was she dying?

I dashed to the door were her scream had emitted from.

Through many rooms I ran and the path seemed endless. Another scream went through my stone heart and shattered it.

I finally got to the end of the hall, with brutal forced I smashed the door opened. A group of wizards turned in my directions with wands raised.

My mind processed the scene before me faster than they did. And in that one second I saw her. Some small tinge of relief came over me. I would only be completely relieved when she was out of here and safe.

She wasted no time in pulling her brother up and running away just as curses were shot at me.

"Duck!" I heard Harry cal and they both fell to the ground for protection while I dodged curses.

A spell was shot dangerously close to her and I growled in fury. Just as this happened Sirius entered the room followed by the rest. They all wasted no time in attacking.

I ran towards Alex dodging out of spells as I went.

A spell shot in my direction missing me by inches and then an unknown wizard was in my way.

I heard a scream emit from her shortly muffled by a crack.

Ducking out of the way of another spell I caught the man in my way by the neck and pushed him across the room with a force just enough to knock him out and cause some serious pain.

It took all of my strength not to slaughter him.

I turned towards Alex. She frantically looked at the floor trying to find something. Her brother was about to raise his wand when heard another man. I turned and saw him pointing at Alex with his wand.

And then I was there right before him and pushing him into a wall. Several of his bones cracked it didn't satisfy me but it would have to do.

I distinctly heard her cry my name over the other voices shouting in the room. I heard only her and her beating heart. It was the most beautiful sound in the world, her heart.

Unaware of my movements I was suddenly before her gazing into her beautiful, frightened eyes and drowning in a pool of mixed emotions that I truly had never felt before. It was good and bad fused together.

I began to ask her something when I saw the trail of blood going down her nose.

It was like the most delicious red wine was being put before me, and I was an alcoholic.

Her lips moved but I couldn't hear her. I couldn't see her.

_Don't do it_

_**Drain her dry **_

_Control yourself!_

_**Do it **_

The internal battle within me was agonizing. I wasn't breathing but I could remember her smell, remember the smell of her blood as it seeped through my shirt….

I felt warmth leave me; I never realized that I had been touching her. She had obviously pulled away in fright.

"Edward" she said hoarsely. I looked down at my hands. Two fingers were stained with ruby red blood. I licked my lips and I could taste the blood in the air. That raging fire built in my throat and slowly began to expand through my body.

I wasn't in control.

"Come on Alex" someone said. "It's not safe"

_No it wasn't safe. _

_But please don't go._

Words of a spell broke me out of the spell I was on. I saw as Sirius jumped in to protect the two siblings.

I fought the urge to cry out in pain from the fire the licked my organs and instead I moved away from her. Away from the blood that made me suffer like this.

Instead I focused on the poor excuse of a man that stood before me. His wand raised and shouting spells I had never heard of.

In a burst of adrenaline I dodged every single one of his spells and got him by the throat.

His wand dropped to the floor as I shoved him against a wall and he tried to fight me off. His attempts were pitiful.

"How dare you even think of touching her?" I growled. He tried to push my hands away my hold on him tightened; but not enough to kill him.

His eyes shifted to something behind me. And I was able to hear the thoughts of a man.

_Avada kedavra!_

Just as the words left his mouth I moved away. The curse hit the man square in the face and he fell limp to floor.

No sound came from him, his life ceased to exist.

I turned to the man that had tried to kill me. He was enraged and he shot spell after spell at me.

Alex's scream made me look in her direction. She was on the floor with a man that was on the floor as he pointed his wand to her ribs.

Something hit me hard on the chest and my back hit the wall I slid down the wall as several pieces of the rock wall fell with me. I looked to see frank fighting with the wizard that had been attacking me seconds ago.

I got up and pushed the man to the ground.

"Go help the rest" I bellowed at frank.

I raised the man several inches off the floor and then pushed him back down with enough force to crack his skull and make him pass out.

"_Dumbledore!"_ cried Alex.

Indeed when I turned there was a wizard that looked absolutely furious and dangerous. He pulled back all the rats that tried to run away with ease.

I intercepted on that was lucky enough to avoid Dumbledore's spell.

This one was faster than the others. Instead of shouting out the spells he thought of them. That was difficult because there were so many panicked minds in this room. It was hard to focus on what this wizard thought. Consequently a jet of green light shot inches from my face.

I tried harder to focus on his mind, I tried harder to get closer to him but he presented a real challenge.

The mans eyes widened and he was suddenly pulled back by an invisible force. He joined the rest of the death eaters that Dumbledore had rounded up.

I turned to the remaining battle, hoping to see Alex far away from it. What I saw however made me numb for just a moment.

Sirius fell right through that veil that was in the middle of this room. Not a sound came from his mind as he fell and disappeared forever.

I saw Alex running towards the archway through which Sirius had just disappeared.

"She can't go through the veil Edward!" cried lupin, who already had Harry in his arms and was struggling to keep him there.

The numbness inside of me washed away and was filled by the pain that Alex would surely be in after all of this.

She was so close to the veil.

In a heartbeat I was behind her holding her struggling body to mine.

She cried for Sirius to come back.

"I'm sorry Alex" that was all I could possibly say to my hurting angel. If I could take the overwhelming pain she was suffering right now I would do it without even thinking about it.

"SHUT UP!" she growled in a voice that suited that of a lion. She punched my chest with her small fists I anger.

Heaven help me, if I could cry I would be a river of tears right now. This angel shouldn't even know the meaning of suffering.

"He's gone" I whispered. It was the worst thing I could say to her right now but I had to make her understand that going behind that veil wouldn't do any good.

"SHUT UP! DON'T SAY THAT TO ME! YOU'RE LYING; WE CAN STILL GET TO HIM! JUST DON'T SAY THAT TO ME!" as she struggled I didn't even dare to try and breathe her scent to grow accustomed. But I knew I would have to. That fire was licking at my insides again, overwhelming me with pain I had never before felt in the presence of hr scent.

"He's not gone!" she screamed in a much weaker tone, and she called his name, a tinge of hopelessness filled it.

Once again I tried to make sure that she wouldn't go through the veil.

"He's gone Alex" I said in the softest plead I could manage. "He can't come back"

"Damn it Edward, why are you hurting me?! Fuck you Edward! He's not dead!"

That tore me up. How could I try to keep her safe? How could I try to keep her from hurting if my very presence right now was a danger to her and my words were cutting her deeper than she was already damaged.

With a heavy heart I carried her to the stone benches, right next to where her brother was.

I should be getting as far away as I could from her right now. But I realized I couldn't. I couldn't trust her in the state that she was in. and though I was doubting my self control I knew deep within me that the fire inside of me could burn me alive and I would never so much as lay a hand on her. For now she was safer with me than alone.

The beautiful broken angel in my arms breathed heavily. I lowered my head to hers and she turned away before my face came into contact with hers. I tried to ignore the crack forming around my heart. Would she finally run away from me? Would she resent me for this? Was our future gone? Did we ever have a future?

Her eyes were trained on that veil as if hoping that Sirius would come out of it any minute.

A cry of pain made me look in the direction of its source. Kingsley was on the floor and a witch was laughing and running from the room.

Harry freed himself from lupin's grasp and went after her. The slight movement of Alex's body made me hold her tighter to me, restraining her. Her movement was so fast I didn't anticipate it.

I felt something hard poke my ribs. I barely felt its tough and then I heard her say

"_Stupefy!"_

I felt my grip on her become loose. I lost control of my limbs and my body toppled off the stone benches. Then for the first time in over a century everything went black.

Gradually I became conscious again. I was not awake however. Instead I deduced that for the first time in what seemed like an eternity I was dreaming. How wrong I was.

My feet moved of their own I accord, I did not know where they were taking me but it wasn't in me to question my instincts.

This place and me…it was all surreal. Everything was mysterious unknown. I didn't even feel like myself. my body felt weaker somehow, my strides weren't as graceful or fast anymore. My eyesight wasn't as good as it once was.

I was not aware of having stopped. And what I saw before me startled me.

A young boy of about 17 looked at me. Warm green eyes stared into my black ones. Pale but healthy skin gave him protection. Pink stained his cheeks slightly and his features still had traces of his childhood years, they were scarce but definitely there.

I stared at my human self in amazement. How could I have forgotten myself? Forgotten who I used to be. The human Edward stared at me in shock, dressed from an era I still remembered all too well.

I felt something hitting the inside of my chest. Unbelievingly I put a hand over my heart. Sure enough it beat with a healthy strength.

I looked back my image on the mirror suddenly the old Edward looked to something on the side of this dark room.

I followed his line of sight and my eyes fell upon a glowing figure.

I was already besides the figure when I realized that my feet had moved of their own accord.

The figure was a human a small one. My mind dripped with curiosity, as I turned the person around anguished green eyes looked at me. These were ayes that should not have looked at me that way, eyes that should have had light in them instead of the dullness that clouded them.

"Help me" my broken angel choked out.

I could hear her heartbeat, it was as loud as a drum and the sound bounced of the walls making it sound louder. Gradually the sound of that drum slowed down and her eyes began to droop.

She was dying right before me and there was nothing I could possibly do to save her.

I had never wanted to be a vampire so much in my life.

With a sudden gasp for air I resurfaced back into reality. A reality in which I was a vampire and Alex was in danger.

"Edward, are you alright?" said lupins voice right next to me.

"Where is she?" I demanded as I sat up. I relished the speed in which I moved.

"She went after bellatrix and Harry dumble-"that's all I heard before I sprinted out of that room and followed Alex's scent. Like lightning I followed the scent out of the department of mysteries and all the way back to the place from where we had come in.

"Stay where you are" I heard a man call.

When the doors to the elevator opened as I got out I was met by a beautiful girl's relieved expression. I knew right there that she had never meant any of the things she had said. No matter how true they might have sounded to me she thought otherwise.

"Alex" I whispered, finally feeling my heart being able to breathe again.

All in one second it began to get compressed again.

Her expression went blank and her whole body stiffened as she slowly came to kneel on the floor and then fall over.

"Melody" I shouted, suddenly next to her I took her into my arms as she began to tremble uncontrollably.

"What's happening to her?!" I cried to an old man that looked at her in horror.

The sentence barely left my mouth when the most horrible sound in my world catched my ears.

Alex let out an earsplitting scream like nothing I had ever heard before and she writhed in my arms. Twisting her body as if she were being possessed.

I was useless, I had no way of helping her, and I had no way of making it better. I was failing her by allowing her to be hurt before my own eyes.

"HELP HER!" I cried to anyone who could possibly hear me.

If there really was a god up there I prayed for him to rid her of this pain. God could not possibly allow one of his angels suffer like this.

Her eyes snapped open but they weren't green. They were completely white a demonic look contorted her features into a malevolent grin. A grin that belonged to Satan.

She opened her mouth. But it wasn't her voice that spoke. It was an awful combination of her voice and the horrible voice of a man. A voice that indicated that she was possessed.

_"Kill me now Dumbledore_" said the demonic voice. _"if death is nothing kill the girl"_

"NO!" I cried in despair and moved my body to shield her struggling form.

The old man looked horrified. Fear was clearly displayed in his eyes.

The voice screamed a sound worse than nails scraping a blackboard. The voice slowly began to change until melody's voice won over.

"Kill me now!" she begged "MAKE IT STOP! KILLL ME NOW!"

I would have given my soul to Lucifer just to keep her from the pain. Words cannot describe what that moment was like. No man will ever know how much I suffered that night. How much I wished I could be in hr place. How much I despised myself for not knowing what to do.

That memory is forever engraved in my mind and will forever haunt me.

"She's going to die we have to do something!" I screamed.

"I can't" the old man whispered. "I can't do it"

Alex twisted and writhed in ways that seemed impossible. Her screams filtered the room and were magnified by the echoes.

"Edward!" she gasped clutching my shirt. Her blank eyes looked at me. "Make it go away! Kill me now! I'm burning! Kill me now! MAKE IT GO AWAY!"

And for a second I rid myself of my selfishness and the option to do as she asked passed through my head. I had just gotten her and now I had let her go. If a really did love her I would end her pain right now.

Her eyes rolled to the back of her head and the convulsing became more violent.

Hopelessness at what I was going to do made me break down.

I rocked her back and forth sobbing into her neck and singing her lullaby. Only prolonging the time in which I would end her life to give her the peace she deserved. With the people she loved, at least she wouldn't be alone in heaven, because that's were all the angels belonged, in heaven.

"I'll make it go away, beautiful melody" I whispered into her hear.

I would have to break my promise to Bella because I could not possibly stay alive after I did this. Because the moment Alex ceased to be I would cease to be too.

The precious memories of this burning angel flashed across my head, as I situated my lips on her neck and put one hand on the back oh her delicate neck. A simple twist of my hand would bring her eternal sleep. And me eternal damnation in the raging inferno.

My movements faltered as her memory stopped on the scene were we played piano.

She let out one final scream and I buried my face into her neck and sobbed.

I didn't know if I had already moved my hand and silenced her or if her pain had beat me to it and taken her, but it was suddenly quiet and she shook in my arms. I myself was shaking so it was me that was making her shake like that.

Why could I still fee and hear a heartbeat then?

"Will you ever forgive me" she whispered in a strained voice.

It was all I needed to fall over the edge.

Though I was about to kill her angel god had answered me. He let me keep this angel instead of taking her away from me.

My words of thank you felt like they weren't enough.

My lips made contact with hers, and her responding lips could have made me faint if I had been human. Her scent was precious to me and I relished the small burn at my throat.

With each kiss I thanked her for not leaving me, for being strong, for loving me.

With urgency I pulled back and took her face in my hands, needing to see into those pools of green that left me breathless. Unshed tears clouded her eyes as she looked back at me.

"You're not going to leave me are you?" at this point I would get on my knees and beg her not to leave me. "promise me you're never going to leave me Alex, not like that , you'll always be with me and you'll never let me fall. You'll never steal yourself away from me like that again. Promise me."

She could never make me do what I was going to do. She just couldn't, I was ashamed of what I was so close to doing. It's something I could never confess to her. She wouldn't want me if she knew.

"I'll love you forever Edward, I'm never letting you go. I promise" as her tears spilled over I became sure that this horrible nightmare was over. She was crying a natural thing for a human. It was a sign that she was alive and that made me forget all my pains. This horrible nightmare that had seemed eternal was finally over.

* * *

**hopefully this chapter is worthy of many reviews but that is all up to you.**

**thank you to the four reviewers who reviewed my last chapter u guys are awesome **

**and to _vampwiz_ thanks a million for your review it completely made my day and it's what made me re read the last chapter and write this one. thanks for the motivation and hope to hear from you i'm so glad that you think i'm doing a good job with the pairing. **

**:)**

**-airali **


	25. dismantle repair

**heres the next chapter **

**sorry to have made you guys wait so long. as always thanks for all of you guys that are loving my story annd are sending reviews my way. **

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edwards pov 

How I had allowed her to be taken away from me yet again was beyond me. And now repenting for letting her go I paced anxiously before the fireplace, just waiting for her to come back through it.

"Edward go hunt, you'll be of no comfort to her if you are thirsty." Franks tired voice said from the couch where he sat.

I ignored him and his mind and carried on with my pacing.

"What's taking them so long" I muttered frustrated. I could hear my family racing towards the house. Wanting to know what had happened of course.

"Dumbledore must have something important to tell them Edward be patient" frank tried to soothe me but his mind was grieving for his loss.

Sirius had been like a father to Alex, now he was gone, and all I could do was be there to help her through with it. Knowing that I could do no more than that made me feel utterly useless. I had promised to protect her from harm's way but I wasn't doing a good job at keeping that promise.

_Where is she?_ Alice's thoughts where the first I had heard the others thoughts mimicked hers. Of course she wouldn't have seen why Alex wasn't here.

There was knocking at the door and Frankie muttered a soft and tired come in.

All of them filed in with worrisome eyes.

"She's with her brother and Dumbledore" I said, stopping on my tracks and looking at my family.

"Is she all right?" esme asked, her arm was hooked through Carlisle's.

I wished Alex and I could be in that position.

"Physically I suppose so…" I mumbled quietly. "Sirius is dead"

Many thoughts ran through their heads and none of them were positive.

"Death eaters attacked them" Frank said rubbing his face. "They wanted a prophecy that they had. It got ugly and then Dumbledore came and voldemort showed up as well."

"Dear" whispered esme.

"The ministry took over after, but voldemort escaped" I added not wanting to recount more of those horrible memories that would forever haunt my existence.

"Can you see her coming Alice?" I asked.

"You know I can't Edward" she said softly.

"She'll be back as soon as she's ready Edward. Meanwhile go and hunt" Carlisle encouraged.

"No" I said stubbornly.

"Edward this is stupid, what good are you going to be if you are too thirsty to be close to her? Don't be careless Edward you're putting her life in peril" Rosalie said. She had never spoken truer words.

But I couldn't leave now. What if she came back while I was away?

The silver mist that came into the room answered my question. It quickly formed the shape of some type of bird I had never seen and it spoke in the voice of albus Dumbledore.

"I'm sorry but Alex has chosen to remain here in Hogwarts for a few days. She feels the need to be here with her brother. I'm sorry Edward"

With that the bird dissolved and took with him my hope of having Alex in my arms tonight.

"This cant be happening" I groaned covering my face. "I need her"

They had no inkling of how much I needed her.

"Give her some time" esme said coming to my side. "She needs to come to terms with what has happened."

"I want to be there for her." I mumbled. "I almost lost her and now I can't be with her"

Perhaps this happened because I wasn't meant to be with her. But what good would it be for me to leave her if that would only cause more damage to her fragile self. I talk of leaving her as if such thing were possible. I am too weak to leave her. Tonight's events only weakened me more.

I would be with her until the day she took her last breath.

* * *

A week had come and passed and my sanity was beginning to go with it as well.

I had not hunted at all; instead I isolated myself in Alex's room lying on her bed. I had stayed like that for the whole week. Her scent was everywhere but I knew it wouldn't help me when she came home.

My mind began to see reason by the end of the week. I couldn't delay my thirst anymore.

I stole myself away from her sickly sweet scent and set my mind to feeding so that I wouldn't worry Alex when she got here. She hated it when she saw me thirsty.

Once I was filled to the point where I felt like I would vomit from so much blood, I returned to her house. I was overjoyed to hear two heartbeats and only one mind, in the house.

Impatiently I knocked at the door and heard heavy footsteps that told me it was Frankie, approach the door.

_I knew he wouldn't be away for too long _he thought as he opened the door.

"How long has she been here?" I asked as he let me into the house.

"A little over twenty minutes" he took one look at my eyes. "Glad that you fed or else I wouldn't have allowed you anywhere close to her" he said with a sad smile.

I didn't respond my eyes were focused on the second floor.

"Go Edward, she's not herself right now and she needs you"

He didn't need tell me twice I was at her bedroom door in an instant. I quietly opened the door and closed it behind me. She wasn't there, instead the doors from the balcony were open and rain and wind poured in. I made my way to her silently and quickly. She was staring at the rain as it fell on her beautiful and unmoving face. I took her into my arms and cradled her to me as she buried her face in my chest. That awful ache I had been feeling this past week vanished the moment we made contact.

"Come here" I murmured against her hair. I carried her back inside and kicked the doors closed. She did not argue or say anything as I settled us on her bed I wrapped my arms around her fragile body. She curled into me and held onto my shirt.

Silence was the best form of comfort right now. Words would be insufficient; there was no need for them. I would wait until she wanted to talk.

I stroked her wet hair and kissed her head as her mind no doubt drowned in many thoughts. Although this wasn't the happiest setting, I was happy to have her back in my arms.

Taking in her scent -which was only more concentrated by the rain- I welcomed the fire spreading throughout me. I could manage it right now.

She shivered in my arms and scooted closer. For a second I feared that she was cold at my touch. I took her freezing hands into mines.

"Am I making you cold?" I whispered.

She shook her head and intertwined her fingers in mines. Slowly she brought our hands to her lips and kissed the back of my hand. Her lips were like velvet against my granite hands. They were warm and tender against my cold and hard skin. And she brought life to my cold and dead heart.

We stayed like that for an immeasurable amount of time. After a while I remembered she was still wet from the rain.

I made to move out of the bed but she held on to me.

"You should get changed" I whispered.

A shake of her red head was her response.

"I don't want you getting sick"

"I love you so much" she whispered pressing her face on my chest. I felt her warm tears seeping through my shirt.

I didn't need her tears to see that she was hurting and I was useless.

**Alex's pov**

Sirius was gone, the same way my parents had gone, and cedric.

Who else was going to leave me?

Frankie? Harry?....

Edward?

What happened last week was a reminder that I was not meant to be happy. It was a reminder of the terrible danger Edward was in. And my ignorance had cost Sirius his life. Bellatrix wasn't the murderer here, I was.

I had also endangered my friend's life, my brother, and my Edward. I should have never let him get into my life.

"I love you too" he said pressing me harder against his hard body. "You don't know how desperately in love I am with you"

More tears ran down my face in response to his words. He shouldn't love me; he shouldn't even look my way.

Last week at Dumbledore's office I realized just how much I was putting Edward in danger by being involved with him.

_Flashback _

_"Why did he attack me?" I said when silence fell upon Dumbledore's study. "Why me, it could have been harry but he attacked me" _

_Not that I wanted it to be harry, but I wondered if there was a reason for him choosing me. _

_"When you are born a twin, Alex," Dumbledore said. "There is always a connection especially with wizards, but the bond between you and harry has become more than just an average twin bond. Now I'm sure you remember the events of October 31, fourteen years ago" _

_How could I not remember it? Ever since I was attacked by that vampire I have been haunted by the night that my parents were murdered. _

_"Do you remember who voldemort pointed his wand to?"_

_I searched through my mind trying to see who he had directed his wand to. _

_"Me" I said after a moment. _

_"Exactly" Dumbledore said. "I think that voldemort intended to kill you first. When he attempted to kill you that bond between voldemort and you was established but there was that natural bond between you and harry that helped in connecting all three of you to each other. Even so it was you he attacked directly and therefore it is easier for voldemort to invade your mind rather than harry's, nevertheless harry is still bonded to you and voldemort and he felt what you felt."_

_"But then that means that he marked me as his equal and not harry"_

_"Are you forgetting that you and harry are bonded? Therefore that means that by marking you he also marked harry as his equal" _

_"Is the prophecy true then? Will it end in the death of one of us by force?"_

_"I'm sure Alex, that you have come to learn that the future is not set in stone. But do you truly think that voldemort will stop hunting you down after a while? Or that you won't want to take revenge for everything he has done to you?" _

_He was right. I would not rest until he was dead at my feet, and neither would harry. We couldn't live while the other existed, it was impossible. _

_But who would stand in the end?_

_End of flashback_

Dumbledore was right. The dark times where here and Edward was in the middle of all of this. He would never stand aside while he watched me be so close to my own death. He would try to fight for me and I couldn't allow that. What was I going to do?

"You shouldn't" I whispered. "I'm the worst person you could have ever loved"

"You're the best thing that has happened to me in so long. And you are the best part of my eternal life and it will always be that way." He took my face into his hands and looked at me with determination and honesty. "And I will never leave you. I'll always stand beside you Alex so don't even try to end things right now"

Edward didn't need to be able to read my mind. He always seemed to know what went on inside my head. Sometimes I wondered if I really was silent to him.

"It's not safe for you Edward. I don't want you to leave me next" I looked away from his eyes, I couldn't lose track of my thoughts right now.

"That's not a good enough reason for you to leave me Alex. I won't let you leave me for my safety." Through his calm tone I could hear that edge of panic in his voice.

I pulled away and got off the bed.

"This isn't a damn game Edward" I said pacing around. "People die Edward you saw that last week. People are dying and now everyone knows voldemort is back and he's at the peak of his power. Chaos is growing and anyone that is involved with me or harry is in deep trouble. Voldemort is not going to let you stand in his way. Anyone that stands in between him and harry and I is dead. This has to end now"

"It doesn't matter whether you leave me or not melody. Get this through your head, I won't stand aside and watch you be hunted down. I'll give my life to protect you. So let's not make this harder on us than it has to be" was that pleading I heard deep in the confines of his seemingly calm facade?

I looked at him and sure enough I could see the plead in his eyes. His heartbreaking expression reminded me that I needed him. That it would be impossible for me to leave him like this. Especially if he looked at me the way he was looking at me right now.

"Why can't I stand to be away from you?" I said kneeling right in front of him where he sat at the edge of the bed.

"Do you hate that?" he asked pulling me up from the floor and sitting me on his lap.

"It makes me mad to know that I can never do the right thing when it comes to you"

"I don't want you to do what you think is the right thing" he said stroking my hair. "Would my departure from your life really make you happy?"

No, it could never make _me _happy. I would be happy for him, but I wouldn't be happy.

"Do you want me forever?" I said ignoring his question.

"For as long as you shall live melody." No trace of hesitance in his honey voice.

"Just while I live?" this was the best time to bring up the subject I've been waiting for.

He was silent, like he new the direction my mind was going in.

"I'm going to die someday Edward; maybe tomorrow maybe in two hundred years…with the life I lead it's hard to be sure I'll live to see the next day"

"Don't say that" he said shaking his head in denial.

"It's true and you know it."

"You still have many years to go" he objected.

"And when my time is up? What's going to happen then Edward?"

"This is how it's meant to be Alex you have to die someday"

"Do you want me to die?"

He turned his head sharply towards me and for a moment his expression frightened me.

"Don't you ever say that to me again" his voice was unsteady.

"I don't have to die" I said softly. His posture stiffened and his face rid of all emotion.

"I could be like you" I continued "live with you forever"

He didn't even look at me. I knew this was going to be hard for him. After all hadn't he gone through the same thing with Bella?

"Edward" I put a hand on his cheek and guided his face to meet mines. His head turned at my touch but his eyes were distant and guarded.

"Before I just wanted death to come and take me already." I pressed on. "Nothing could be worse than what I was living. Now Edward, the worst thing that could happen to me is…loosing you. And I'll lose you if I die"

"That's what I fear the most" I whispered.

Sadness colored his features and he looked down at me.

"You'll never loose me. I'll always be yours" his words were low and hard to hear.

"I don't want to die" I whispered.

He looked at me with furrowed eyebrows his sad expression turning to a frown. "Don't be afraid" he murmured. With his thumb he wiped away my tears. It was no use for they kept coming. "Death is nothing to be afraid of. It's merely the cousin of sleep"

"I don't want to lose you" I repeated. I couldn't lose him; death should not be the reason for our separation.

""you'll never loose me"

"I will when I die, and I don't want that"

"I'm not planning on spending more time than you in this life"

I did not like that he thought this way. I wasn't worth dying for, but I could never ask him for the same thing Bella asked. I saw what it did to him. I could never ask him not to take his life, that would be heartless; and I couldn't be that selfish.

"That doesn't mean we'll be together in death" I sniffed and shook my head. "What if there's nothing after this life and we just disappear forever, what if we just cease to exist? I don't want that Edward. I want you…forever"

His expression turned soft and he bent his head and stroked my cheek with his own.

"No melody" he softly whispered in my ear.

I bit back a sob and my eyes pooled with tears again.

I expected his answer. I knew it would be hard to convince him. But I didn't think it would hurt this much, hearing him refuse. I felt like maybe he didn't want eternity with me. I couldn't blame him, I mean not even I would like to spend eternity with someone like me.

But maybe this wasn't only about me.

Could it also be about Bella?

**Edwards's pov**

I was too blunt with her; I realized it after I said it. Her body twitched as she suppressed a sob and her heart beat became uneven.

She stood up, I tried holding onto her hand but she pulled away from my touch. Instead she silently walked over to the French doors and looked yonder.

"Alex" I said softly and gently, my tone pleading for forgiveness. I didn't want her to misunderstand me. In reality I never once thought that she yearned for immortality. I never saw any sign of it. Or perhaps I was too ignorant to notice what she really wanted.

"Melody" I tried again. I got up from the bed and stood behind her but still kept a distance, not sure if she wanted to feel my touch. I was making her unhappy enough as it was.

How could I explain to her why I was against this?

Melody had changed me greatly. But she had not changed my beliefs on the matter.

This was Bella all over again. But I knew better now and if ever there was even the slightest possibility of her being like me I knew I would take a different approach than the last time. I knew what I couldn't do this time.

I couldn't say that by taking her life and soul I would be taking her chances at a normal life. With or without me Alex would never have a normal life.

If I was to change her she would be better protected against all the dangers she faced.

She would be safer…

As soon as I began to see reason to her requests, the images that I had tried to bury in the deepest confines of my long memory resurfaced before my eyes.

_Alex's writhing form full of something much worse than agony._

_Her body convulsing as her eyes rolled to the back of her head. _

"_Kill me Edward" she spoke, but it wasn't her voice. This voice was menacing, daring me. It was the voice of a demon that was on the verge of destroying my only reason for living. _

I silently gulped and trembled slightly as I tried to keep my mind from remembering.

How could the thought of changing her even cross my mind?! That's what I was here for, to protect her and keep her safe.

By turning her I would be no better than that monster that had possessed her.

I couldn't possibly know if turning her would be much more painful than all that torture she suffered last week. But I knew when she felt that venom burning her inside out she would hate me more than ever. Everytime she felt that burn in the back of her throat, she would resent me.

What about when this fight with voldemort was over? What would happen later? She would be free and completely safe. She would be doomed to nothing more than a monotonous never ending life. She deserved so much more than an eternity of vampirism.

But how could she have something better with me tainting the picture? I knew she could leave me any time she wanted to. She would leave me if she could convince me. She would do it if it meant I was safe.

But I couldn't let her go. She was the only danger to me, the only one who could really inflict harm upon me. I had given her a dangerous weapon to use against me, and that was my heart. I would never regret it, even if she did use it against me and hurt me. It wouldn't matter because despite all I would always love her.

And because I loved her could not take what she offered me. I couldn't trade her life for an eternity with me. I couldn't be that selfish. It would be like her giving me a hand and instead taking her leg. She had given me what she could give me of her heart and I would take her life.

That wasn't right. It would be unforgivable in the eyes of god, if he was up there.

**Alex's pov **

"Melody" he pleaded.

"Why not Edward?" I said in a sharper tone than intended. "Give me one good reason for why you refuse"

"I could never take your life melody, you don't deserve this" I could feel his warm breath on my skin.

I didn't deserve to be with him? Was that only Bella's privilege?

"You were willing to take Bella's life" I said quietly. I couldn't hide that tone of resentment in my voice.

It happened so fast I didn't even realize what had happened. Suddenly I was turned around and he crashed his lips to mines. So many things went into that kiss I just wish I would have been able to decipher that hidden message

Too caught up in my thoughts I didn't respond to the kiss. Seconds later he pulled away and hugged me tightly to him.

"Please don't ever compare yourself to Bella" he whispered his voice broke at the end.

He was right. I could never compare myself to her. I didn't know her but I knew that she would easily outshine me. She would always be his first and only love. He would always love her more than he could ever love me, and I accepted that.

That wasn't the case for everyone though. I loved cedric dearly, and I loved Edward….

I daresay that I love Edward even more. Maybe it's because now I literally depended on him to stay alive. If I didn't have him I don't know what I would have already done. I love him with every inch of my heart soul and my whole being. I gave him everything I had and more.

Bella beat me to him though. She came a hundred years earlier than me and she was the one that got to keep all of his heart.

But if he and I were planning on living together for as much time as we had then I had to make sure he changed me. No matter what the cost was he had to change me.

"Why not Edward?" I said looking up at him and clutching his shirt. "If you really love me Edward then please do it… please for me. Am I not good enough to be like you?!"

That was low, even for me. He thought the same, because his eyes burned with anger and I flinched back from his angry gaze.

"Is that really how you think I feel for you?" he had never talked like that to me. I regretted talking to him about this at all. Maybe this relationship just wouldn't work. I was selfish enough to think that I couldn't be with him if bella was still very present in his mind. Just that thought sent my heart into overdrive and made my stomach churn. I felt like I wanted to throw up.

"Then I don't know how to show you that I love you" he said. I felt a gust of air and looked up.

He was gone and the French doors were wide open.

I did the only thing I could think of. I climbed down the balcony and ran, I ran as fast as I had run last week from the death eaters. I ran towards the only place I felt like I was alone. The only place that made me feel like I was the only person on earth.

The rain drenched my clothes and slightly weighed me down. My feet splashed muddy puddles and stained my clothes. My heart beat uncontrollably and my lungs contracted from so much running. And still I did not stop. I ran like I was running for my life. And trust me I had ran for my life many times before.

My mind was completely wiped of any thought as I ran. I reached the creek and tried to stop. At the speed I was going the movement was so abrupt I slipped and fell into the ice cold water. Kicking upwards I went back up and gasped for air. The current was strong, and I heaved myself out of the stream not without great struggle.

As soon as I was out I laid there on the muddy ground and curled into a small ball and let the tears out. Every now and then letting out anguished screams.

All week I had tried to be strong. Unlike harry who had just lost it at Dumbledore's office I kept it all bottled up. But with tonight's incident I just couldn't keep it in anymore. Silent tears wouldn't help me now.

Sirius was dead. The only family I had left, besides my brother, was gone. I would never see his smiling face; there would be no letters of his to wait for in the summer. In many ways I had lost a father.

Then there was Edward. So many things were wrong there. I couldn't do the right thing for him, which was leaving him. I was putting him in great danger. He refused to make me like him and Bella was still very much in the picture.

That just hurt me and made me feel like an even bigger monster. When I decided to form a relationship with Edward I was very well aware of his past and I knew that like me he wouldn't really get over Bella. She would always be present; I had never given it much thought though. He had made it very clear to me that he loved me far more than anyone was capable of loving, and well she was in the past much like cedric.

But he showed me today that I was only second best to Bella. She was the one that had come closest to being worthy of his love. I was not even close. Today I saw just how insignificant I was next to her.

I had always known it but I had never really thought about it. After what happened today I would always have that thought in my head. It would always be there hurting me. Because I was selfish enough to want Edward to give me the love he had given her even though I was well aware that, that was not possible.

It was useless to pine after something that wouldn't happen ever. Would leaving him be better then? Would it keep me from hurting?

How could I think that? How can I be here just thinking of myself? How would Edward react to this? What would he do if I left him?

He told me if I ever let him he wouldn't know what to do. But is that really true? Would it really truly hurt him? Would he forget me easily? Does he really love me? Or does he in some way feel like I'm tying him to me?

It made sense. It fit together if I thought about it. That's why he didn't want to change me. I really wasn't worthy of being like him, or being with him for that matter. With every thought the conviction in me became stronger.

I would rid him of any duty he felt he had towards me. I wouldn't be hurting him if I cut all ties with him. And he would be safe, which is all I want; his safety and happiness are what matters to me the most.

I wasn't strong enough to do that. But for him I would find the strength. For him I would give my soul to the devil.

But for the time being I had to rid myself of all this weakness. I had to mourn, there was still a lot of pain in this road and I had to get rid of the pain my heart to let more come in.

I still had a lot to go. How much, I wasn't sure but I knew just where it would end.

With voldemort in a place much worse than hell.

**Edward's pov**

I had never been mad at Alex. Not even last week when she had ran away to the ministry.

I didn't think it was possible to be mad at her.

Today I was proved wrong. How could she possibly think she wasn't worthy of my love? How could it ever even pass through her head that I loved Bella more than I loved her? It didn't matter that I couldn't read her mind; I knew that was exactly what she was thinking. How could she want the life I lived, if it could even be called a life.

But was I really mad at her? No I couldn't be mad at her; it wasn't her fault that she thought this way. It was my fault for not showing her how much I loved her.

Did I ever even give her a reason to compare herself to Bella?

Tonight I did.

Yes I had agreed to change Bella but the only thing that had really changed my mind was that there really was no safe way around the volturi. I was pressured by them into changing her. It was really the only thing that made me comply. It really was set in stone, Alice had seen it since before I even realized I was in love with Bella and it had stayed like that.

But now, there were no volturi to force me to change her. Just her mere wish to be like me, and I couldn't do that. It was against everything I believed in her and it wasn't what she deserved.

How can I tell her this and make her see that it's not because of Bella that I won't change her?

I ran through the forest barely making any noise, trying to get rid of the anger inside of me. Suddenly the vibrations of my phone broke my concentration. I came to a complete stop and pulled out my phone to see that it was Alice.

This better be good, I thought as I answered.

"What Alice?" I asked angrily.

"She's going to leave you" she said getting right to the point.

"What?" I said as the air was suddenly knocked out of me.

"I saw her, well you two and she was leaving you, saying something about it being for the best"

"When?" I whispered. This couldn't be happening, did I mean nothing to her?

"Tomorrow" she simply said.

"Why?"

"I don't know"

"Is she home?"

"She's out by the creek; get her home quick, she fell into the stream"

I snapped the phone shut with too much force, I heard the screen crack as I raced to the creek. Less than five minutes later I saw her. A dirty little ball curled up right at the edge of the creek; she shook as sobs filled the air.

I shouldn't have left like that. I must have given her the wrong idea, but dammit she was so absurd.

Quietly I made my way to her and scooped her into my arms.

"Please don't leave me" I whispered. "I'll get on my knees and beg if I have to but please don't leave me, I need you"

"Will you change me?" she said quietly.

She was so stubborn, if I said no would she leave me?

"Please alex" I whispered, trying to make her hear how hard this was for me. "Don't do this to me"

"I'm being a monster" she sobbed.

"You're not, you're just being unfair"

"Alice saw what was going to happen didn't she" she said quietly as she unsuccessfully tried to suppress a sob.

I nodded "do you love me alex?"

"How can you question that?"

"How can _you_ question _my_ love?" I reciprocated

"Because it would make sense if you felt nothing for me"

"That doesn't make sense to me" I said shaking my head.

"Do you love me?"

"I will never be able to show you how much I love you, it's too much to put into words and too much to show"

She was silent.

"Please don't leave me" I begged.

"Would it really hurt you if I left you?"

"You have no idea how much that can destroy me"

"I won't leave you"

"Are you doing this just because you feel the need to make me feel better or because you don't want to leave me either?"

"Both" she whispered.

She wound her arms around my neck and kissed me. Eager to feel her love I kissed her back.

Not breaking the kiss I stood up and began running. Minutes later I was climbing with her up to her room. I set her down on her feet and she kissed me again.

Needing to regain my control I broke the kiss and whispered.

"Get ready for bed, I'll be here"

She turned her big green eyes to me. Her beauty didn't fail to leave me breathless. She examined my face, searching for any sign of a lie, I'm sure. She must have been satisfied by what she saw for she hurriedly walked to her closet and got all her things than with one last glance at me she disappeared through the bathroom.

I think until all of these problems are solved I would always live in fear of Alex's next moves. Our relationship was on the edge, one little thing couldn't drive her to leaving me. She would use any excuse she got to try and leave. I knew she loved me and her intentions were good, but it hurt to know that the girl I loved more than my own life was using any excuse to get away from me. I had to do everything I could to keep her at my side.

I was so immersed in my thoughts that I was startled when the bathroom door opened. Alex noticed and smiled a little. I took a look at what she wore, her simple blue flannels and white t-shirt were innocent enough, yet she was still mouthwatering. Her damp hair only flattered her outfit further.

Itching for physical contact I swooped her into my arms and carried her to her bed. She made no noise as I tucked her in and then joined her. I turned to look at her she was on her side and her hands tucked under her cheek.

"I love you" I murmured and stroked her cheek.

"I love you" she repeated back with a small smile.

She pulled on my shirt signaling for me to scoot closer.

"You were gone for too long" I murmured.

"Harry-"she began explaining before I cut her off.

"I understand. You don't have to give me any explanations. I'm always here for you love"

"That's more than I could ever ask" she kissed my jaw, a shiver ran down my spine at her touch. Every little touch of hers brought an immeasurable amount of pleasure to my heart.

"You know I'm not going to give up" she whispered in my ear.

"I know" I sighed. She kissed behind my ear and settled back down.

"You can't just tease me and expect no punishment" I said playfully.

"_You_ punish _me_? You're funny" she said but there was no humor in her voice.

I pulled back an inch to see her face. Of course things wouldn't be normal right now.

"Does that face have something to do with Sirius?" I said softly.

"I miss him" she whispered.

"I know sweetheart, I know. But these things happen for a reason"

"But this wasn't supposed to happen; in fact this wouldn't have happened if I had just listened to Hermione. I could have stopped Harry from going to the ministry.-"

"Don't blame this on yourself" I interjected.

"Then who do I blame Edward? No one else is at fault except Harry and me"

"It's no ones fault"

She shook her head" it's always someone fault"

"Sweet girl" I murmured and kissed her forehead. "Don't trouble yourself further with those memories. What's done is done"

"And we can't go back" she murmured.

"Exactly" I said. "Besides," I took a lock of her hair and began playing with it. "I don't think Sirius would have wanted you to shut off from the world. He wants you happy."

"Sirius hated that house" she said, making me unsure of whether she was listening to me or not.

I gave her a questioning look. "Grimmauld place" she clarified.

"Ah" I said realizing it was the house where the order had met.

"It was his mother's house. He disliked his family greatly. He said that house was a constant reminder of them"

And with that she began to tell me everything that had happened seven days ago. She told me absolutely everything including the prophecy.

"I'll always be by your side" I whispered after she finished. "I'll be there protecting you"

"You can't protect me from everything" her words slurred as sleep began to overtake her.

She was right. I couldn't protect her from absolutely everything. Something was bound to slip between my fingers one day. I would have to look out for that day.

I felt her small hand touch my cheek, immediately taking my attention.

"It's more than enough for me, to know that you love me"

"I love you" I whispered for what felt like the millionth time that day. But I would never get tired of reminding her. Every time I uttered those words to her I felt that surge of happiness I had felt when she accepted me. It was as if every time I said 'I love you' my love to her was rejuvenated and stronger than the last time.

She smiled and then fell into a deep sleep.

While she slept I had plenty of time to worry for her.

I was back to thinking about how I could not change her.

She groaned. I turned my head towards her, thinking that maybe she was waking. On the contrary however, she merely turned to lay flat on her stomach and positioned a loose fist at her lips. She took the position of a sleeping baby.

That's what she was. She was only just a child. For heavens sake she was fifteen! How could she possibly know what she wants?! Sure she may think she knows, but at fifteen she was still not mature enough to make sense of what she asked for.

I hope that maybe with the years she grows out of the idea.

* * *

The days passed by. The first weeks passed in a slow fashion. She tried to at least look happy for us. Truth be told it hurt more to see her trying so hard than having her completely shut off from the world.

On the third day I couldn't see her like that anymore.

"You don't have to act for anyone" I said softly to her that night.

"I feel like I owe them that much" she explained.

"You owe no one anything Alex; we all understand what you're going through. We know it's not easy for you. We completely understand"

"Thank you" she murmured.

"Were all here for you" I assured her.

"Does this mean I have to go to school?" she asked worriedly. I chuckled. School was the least of her worries, like us it was just pretence in the human world.

"Actually I think it would be best for you to take a few days off"

"I think the same too" she agreed.

* * *

She did go back to school that Monday though. Exams were happening in school and she didn't feel like repeating the year.

Slowly she began to go back to her former self. She was constantly going to Hogwarts to check in on Harry. He seemed to be having a harder time but was still coping well.

* * *

"what's going to happen now?" I asked her.

She stopped playing with the water at the edge of the creek to look over her shoulder at me.

"What do you mean?" she stood up and sat next to me. She took my hand and began to play with my fingers.

"I mean the school year will be over next week. What are you going to do?"

"You say it as if I'm all alone on this" she said quietly.

I panicked, thinking that I had said it all wrong.

"No of course that's not what I meant." I quickly amended.

A soft chuckle emitted from within her.

"Relax" she said briefly kissing my lips. "I was kidding"

I smiled in relief. I had been really careful with my words lately. Afraid that what I said might offend her. It never did she would just roll her eyes, kiss me, and said I overreacted too much. If I was honest with myself, sometimes I just did it so she could kiss me. I loved it when she tried to reassure me. She tended to stroke my hair or give me sweet kisses. Little gestures like that always made my insides squirm in pleasure and they never failed to make me smile.

This time it was no different. A smile overtook my expression and I pressed her into my side where she wound her arms around my waist and laid her head on my shoulder.

"Well believe it or not I have things at Hogwarts that must be packed. I'll have to leave two days before"

I didn't like that one bit. I had talked to Dumbledore without Alex knowing and he assured me that if there was anything amiss that he would surely inform me. That made me feel slightly better. But if it were in my power I would follow her everywhere to make sure that she was fine. Unfortunately I wasn't able to do that. Besides she needed space as well.

"And after I have to go back to the dursleys" she said obviously not happy about that.

That was unexpected I did think she would have to return to them for the summer. That news was devastating.

"Do you have to go?" I asked softly.

"I'm afraid so" she said, equally sad. "Dumbledore explained the reason to us. There is a kind of protection in that house. Voldemort can't touch us there, and we have to go at least once a year to get that protection. It will last until we are adults, which is at seventeen. Then the protection will break. It's vitally important that I go back to them."

I guess I could comprehend that. But that didn't mean I couldn't go with her.

"I'll follow you" I promised.

"Edward" she laughed. "What will you possibly do in London?"

"Maybe not much during the day but I'll be with you at night."

"Remember I share a room with my brother. I don't think he'll feel comfortable having you there while we both sleep"

Damn she was right.

"So I won't see you for the whole summer?"

"I'm afraid not" she mumbled. "At least not while I'm with the dursleys. When we go to the weasley's you'll be able to visit me every day if you want to"

My family and I had decided that we would get involved with the order of the phoenix. Much to Alex's dismay. With this decision Dumbledore also explained to us that we must tell everyone in the order what we are. Of course they all vowed to never spill our secret. I could see the honesty in everyone's mind. They definitely made us feel very welcomed. Specially the weasley's. I could see why Alex likes them so much. They were such decent people.

"of course i'll be visit you every day. So you will be leaving back to London with harry and the rest?"

"Yes"

"I'm starting to miss you"

She smiled. "If you're going to miss me I can't imagine how I'm going to feel. Dudley isn't my favorite person to be stuck with in the summer"

Quite frankly I wasn't too keen on the idea of her having to go with those dreadful people. But if that ensured her safety than I was not left with any choice but to agree that she must go.

"Let's just make the most of this last week"she asked.

Suddenly she hopped on my lap placing her legs on either side of my thighs.

"How do you suggest we make the most out of it?" I smirked. Her smile became mischievous and she pushed me backwards. Or at least tried to push me down.

"Come on" she whined as she kept pushing me.

I laughed and in one swift movement flipped us over so that she was lying on the grass and I was on top of her.

The sun came out suddenly and hit my skin. Rainbows were reflected onto Alex's skin.

She stroked my cheek interestedly and I couldn't take any more of those sweet touches. I attacked her mouth and she gave a surprised squeal but quickly joined in on my fun.

I couldn't help the small chuckle that left me as her kiss got hungrier. Surely she didn't think it would go too far.

I reached my limit and quickly pulled away only to place a small peck on her lips.

"Okay that's enough" I said breathless.

"It's never enough" she muttered as she got off my lap.

She sat down next to me and hugged her knees to her chest and looked sadly out the water. She hadn't mentioned anything about it since the night she came back. But she had warned me that she wouldn't let it drop. She kept true to her word.

I stared at her. But of course it wasn't enough; after all I was fully aware that the relationship I was giving her wasn't the best. It was hardly a satisfying one.

"I'm sorry" I said quietly

"Me too" she sighed.

The rest of the day was comfortable. She tried to make me forget about that. But it was always there in the back of my mind. It always reminded me that I was not good enough for her.

**Alex's pov**

A year ago I had been broken beyond repair. A year ago I was leaving Hogwarts without a life. A year ago I had been dead.

Now it was the end of the year once more and I was healed.

I had come to realize that I only had a few summer clothes. Of course Alice had quickly taken it upon herself to get me a whole wardrobe of summer clothes. I would never talk about lack of clothes in her presence ever again.

And even though she had not met my brother she had also taken it upon herself to buy him clothes.

"Alice he doesn't even know you" I said as she packed my bag.

"He will though. I better see him wearing those clothes or else."

"I'll make sure to tell him" I grumbled. "Alice I don't see why you need to pack so many clothes"

"Just let me be" she said. I laughed quietly and left her to do her the packing. She was driving me insane with all the clothes talk. So I figured I'd rather go to Edward.

I walked down stairs where everyone was talking comfortably. I ran into Rosalie on my way down.

"Alice get to you?" she said with a smirk.

"Yes" I said with a laugh.

"Come for a walk with me." She said. "Away from nosy people" she added and looked to Edwards's way. I turned my sight towards him and he gave me a sheepish grin.

"Alright" I said and followed her out of the house and towards the woods.

"Hop on" she said when we reached the edge of the woods.

Careful so as not to ruin her clothes I climbed on her back and she took off. The motion didn't last much for in three minutes she stopped.

"They won't hear us here" she said as I slid off her back.

"You're not going to try and kill me are you?" I joked.

"No, I actually like you" she said sitting on the ground. It was an eerie sight. Here was what could possibly be the most beautiful woman on earth, clad in expensive clothes and she sat on the dirty ground of the forest. It was not something you saw often.

"So what is it you wanted to talk to me about?" I asked and took a seat next to her.

"I hear you want Edward to change you" well wasn't she straightforward.

"Something tells me you're not thrilled with the idea." I said noticing her tone.

"Well your right. I'm not thrilled." She said, her gorgeous face turned to a frown.

"May I ask why that is?"

"Because you don't deserve this life. Take it from me Alex; this isn't exactly a very happy life"

"You have Emmett" I pointed out.

"And trust me he's the only thing that makes this worthwhile"

"Exactly" I agreed. "I know that if I'm with Edward it won't matter to me that I have to live as a vampire for the rest of forever….tell me one thing Rosalie"

"Yes?"

"What makes you so opposed to me being a vampire?"

She sighed and look in front of her.

"I wish I had the same opportunity as you. You have the opportunity to live. I would give anything to have that option. And seeing you throw it away, it hurts almost as much as when my own life was taken"

"What happened to you Rosalie?"

She sighed. "It's a long story"

"There's time" I said. "Unless you don't feel comfortable telling me"

"I don't mind. You know everyone's story you should know mines too"

Life, I realized, had been very unfair to Rosalie hale. I felt for her. Truly I did. But that still didn't change my mind on the subject. She trusted me enough to tell me her story; it only seemed fair that I tell her my secret.

"Trust me Rosalie I see where you come from, I truly do. But I have reasons of my own. Mainly because I myself don't think I'm giving up anything"

She gave an incredulous laugh. "What do you mean Alex? You're giving up everything!"

"Not exactly" she gave me a questioning look. Yes I think I could trust her.

"How well can you hide your thoughts from Edward?" I asked. That was uncalled for; I could see it in her features.

"Fairly well I guess."

"Good because what I'm about to tell you, Rosalie, he cannot know."

"Your secret is safe with me" she assured me.

"I was bitten by a vampire almost two years ago."

I read her face and saw that she did not believe me. To prove it I pulled down my shirt enough for her to see the bite marks on my shoulder. She gasped.

"That's not possible" she whispered.

"It doesn't seem possible but it is."

"But you have a heart beat"

"I know… truth be told I don't know why that is. Have you noticed that it's unusually slow though?"

She became quiet, focusing on the sound of my heart. She looked up at me slowly.

"I can tell you for sure though, that I haven't aged since then, I'm still physically fourteen"

"How did it happen?"

"I'll be honest I can't remember anything from the incident. But I know I was attacked. That's for sure, I woke up at the hospital wing the next day and Dumbledore explained to me what had happened."

I went on and told her everything that I could remember. She never once interrupted me.

"See Rosalie? I wouldn't really lose anything"

"Alex why don't you tell Edward about this?" she asked.

"Because he will use it as an excuse to not change me. Edward is looking for anyway to keep my humanity. If he finds out that I'm half vampire he will surely want me to keep whatever I have left of my human self."

"Yeah that sounds like something he would so. Try and save as much of your soul as possible."

"My soul?" I asked unsure if I had heard correctly.

"Edward believes that our kind is soulless, and damned. It's the reason why he was so against changing Bella" she explained.

I was taken back to a few months ago when he had told me what had happened to Bella.

_"I didn't want her to become a soulless creature" _

That's what he had said. But it had never occurred to me that this was the reason for why he refused to change me. He feared for my soul. Guilt flooded within me as I realized that I had unjustly accused him of loving Bella more than he loved me. I really did cross the line.

"Oh trust me he has a soul" I muttered. An image of a dementor flashed through my head. "And I'll prove it to him"

"How?" she chuckled.

"I have ways."

"So you can look into people's memories?" she asked slightly awed.

"Yeah, I don't get to use it much though." I smiled. "Not many people know about it."

"I promise to take this to the grave" she said. "Cross my heart and hope to die."

I laughed along with her. But it quickly died down.

"I can't believe I accused him of loving Bella more than I did"

"You did that?" she asked in disbelief. I gave her a look of shame.

"When I asked him to change me, we got into an argument….when he said that he wouldn't change me I more or less accused him of loving Bella more than he did me. Of course he can never love me the way he loved Bella. But it was still wrong of me to blame him for that. It's not his fault"

"Guess not. It's not because of Bella. That's for sure. But it seems pretty reasonable for you to think like that. Edward, I daresay loves you more than Bella. Well truth is I never understood what he saw in her."

"She sounded like a lovely person" I offered.

"She was nice; still she was never my most favorite person. I was a bit hard on her at first"

"A bit?" I knew Rosalie enough to know that when she disliked someone she had no problem showing it.

"Well a lot. Vanity does that to me"

"Vanity?"

"She made me jealous" she shrugged.

"I cannot ever imagine the gorgeous Rosalie hale to be jealous of anyone"

"Shut up I don't need any more boost on my self esteem." I laughed. We talked a bit more before we decided to make our way back.

* * *

"Hello" I said crawling into the bed next to Edward. The Cullen's had left a while ago. Edward decided to stay with me especially since this was my last night before I left for London. Edward decided to take me out to dinner.

And now here we were in my room. Edward embraced me and pulled me next to his warm body.

"Thank you" I murmured.

"For what?" he asked. He had one hand over my stomach and he rubbed circles onto it with his thumb, effectively sending Goosebumps throughout my body.

"For dinner" I said. "I had a great time"

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." He said and put a chaste kiss on my lips. Before I knew it he was back into his original position as if he hadn't even moved.

"So what did you and Rosalie talk about?"

I chuckled. "Rosalie was right. You are nosy"

"I'm not nosy I'm just curious."

"We discussed my humanity"

He was quiet. Oh so now he didn't want to know anything else?

"She tried to change my mind. Apparently she is just as opposed to it as you are. Just for different reasons."

"Was she successful?" there was no hope in his voice, indicating that he knew the answer.

"You know me better than that."

No answer. His face was stoic. Even in the darkness I could see it.

"Is it about my soul?" I mumbled.

Slowly-well for him- he turned around and gently laid a hand on my cheek. "You're soul is much too precious for me to so brutally tarnish it"

"I'm sorry" I whispered.

"For what love?"

Love…had he called Bella love?

Focus Alex.

"I accused you of caring more for Bella than me. I shouldn't have even thought about that. I understand how special she is and I should never even have mentioned her"

"I do love you Alex, I love you no less than I loved her. Trust me. She was never the reason to my refusal though."

"I understand now. I'm sorry"

"Sometimes we make mistakes. And I only fed that thought when I didn't explain the real reason to you."

"Edward…you do have a soul" I said quietly.

"I find that hard to believe."

"Hey…look at me." I sat up and looked down at him. I placed my hand on his cheek and replayed the memory of a night almost three years ago when harry Sirius and I had come so close to losing our souls. I saw everything as I remembered that night. Edward watched those black cloaked dementors in horror as on swooped in dangerously close to my thirteen year old self. My form blurred as the dementor sucked on what seemed like only air. My terrified eyes began to lose sense.

I felt a hand take mines. I looked up at Edwards nervous eyes.

"It's only a memory Edward" I assured him.

Edward looked down at me and embraced me.

The scene changed to one that I had seen in professor McGonagall's head.

Barty crouch jr. sat bound to a chair in mad eye moody's clothes.

"Watch" I whispered to Edward and pointed to the door of the office we were in.

As soon as I finished the sentence the door swung open to reveal another dementor. The hair on the back of my neck stood up and a chill ran down my spine as the dementor swooped in towards crouch and seemingly kissed him. All that was heard was a brief scream and the sucking of air. All that was seen was a brief flash of light and then the dementor retreated to reveal an empty shell of crouch. No emotion in his eyes posture or expression. He was more or less dead.

Everything blurred and we were back to my room.

"You don't know what it is like to not have a soul." I said quietly. "Or to be on the verge of losing your soul for that matter. Last summer I almost had that same fate."

"Horrible creatures" he mumbled. Only then did I notice his strong hold on me.

"You have no idea. When you get anywhere close to them…you really feel like there is no hope. No happy memory is left in you. It's a horrible feeling Edward."

I looked back at him. "You have as much a soul as I do. Don't ever question that"

"It's hard to accept that. I've been thinking that way my whole existence. But thank you"

I dipped my head to kiss his lips and straddle him.

I would not touch my mortality subject any further tonight. I had to take baby steps and make him see that it really was the best thing.

His hands roamed down to my hips and he gently squeezed me. Then turned me so that he hovered on top of me. I pulled his face down towards me and began kissing his throat. I felt him shudder at my touch and a small moan escaped him. Further encouraging me to keep going. My hands made contact with his chest and ran my hands over it.

He connected his lips to mines once more but removed my hands from his chest. Just a few more seconds before he pulled away.

Five seconds later he made us pull apart. Both of us were breathing hard.

"You better prepare for when I get back" I whispered.

"Why?" He whispered back.

"Because when I get back I'm going to have a hard time keeping my hands to myself"

"That's perfectly understandable…after all who could possibly resist me?" he joked.

"I know I can't" I murmured and tried to steal another short make out session from him. It worked. He put his hand behind my head and pressed my face to his. I let out a moan when I felt his tongue trace my lips.

I let out a small laugh into his mouth as I straddled him.

He pulled apart and I almost whined, until he glued his lips to my neck. It tickled and I gently pulled at his hair.

"I love you" I panted.

He pulled back and looked at me. I knew he wasn't perfect, but he's the closest anyone will ever get to perfection.

"Do you really?" he panted.

"No" I breathed, "Love cuts it short… I adore you I….I'm speechless. Because there are no words to explain how I feel for you. My feelings are too big for words."

He granted me a longer make out session before I fell asleep. I have to admit that I had been lucky.

* * *

"I can't believe the year is over" I whispered. Edward held me close to his body. I remembered the beginning of the year. Everything just came back to me, the good and the bad things.

It was useless to try and not cry. They were happy and sad tears. For all the good and bad things.

"I know." He whispered. "The wait for you was worthwhile"

"Alex," called Frankie. "Time to go"

"Okay" I smiled.

I said goodbye to all of the Cullen's and told them I'd be seeing them soon. Alice was slightly upset with me for taking out more than half of the clothes she had packed for me. It all vanished when I reached her. I gave my best puppy face and she just hugged me.

"Okay I forgive you" she said. I laughed. I had been given not one, but two sisters this year. I smiled in happiness.

"I love you Alice" I said and kissed her cheek.

I said bye everyone else and then went back to Edward.

"You sure you don't want me to go to London with you?"

My smile fell and I took a deep breath. He wasn't joking; he really did want me to tell him to follow me to London. I wanted to do the same. But I couldn't just let him there unable to go out in the day. That's exactly why he lived in forks, so he would be able to go out during the day. I couldn't do that to him.

So I shook my head. "No you should stay here with your family. I'll be back soon"

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"God Edward" I murmured. "You put me to doubt"

"So that means?"

"It means that you're a vampire. Waiting should not be that unnerving to you. I'll be back so soon you won't even have time to miss me."

"But I already miss you" he countered.

"Yeah I miss you too." I admitted with a small smile.

"Alex" called Frankie.

"Fine" I muttered.

"I can go?" he asked like a little kid.

I gave a playful stern look and shook my head.

"Edward I love you" I said he leaned down and kissed me.

"Don't say that right now" he shook his head. "It feels like your saying goodbye"

I had hurt him that night I had decided to just blow off everything we had. He was so afraid that I would leave him one of these days. It hurt me to see how insecure I had made him.

"Only for a few short weeks" I muttered.

"God you two hurry up she's not going away forever Edward" Emmett said.

I chuckled but Edward looked at me seriously.

"You're not going away forever right?" I shot a glare at Emmett for his comment.

Edward worried me, he was very tense. I was fully aware of how hard this was for him.

"I'll be back" I promised. With one last kiss he helped me into the fireplace.

My eyes locked with his.

"Please be safe" he said.

"Me?" my eyebrows bunched toggethere in a questioning look and I put my right hand on my collarbone. "I'm always safe" sarcasm dripped from my words.

He smiled slightly.

"Hogwarts!" the flames engulfed me and I was taken back to Hogwarts.

* * *

It wasn't easy, being back at Hogwarts, I had coped well because Edward had been there trying to cheer me up. Just seeing him try had been enough for me to evade the sadness in my being. But those two last days in Hogwarts they hadn't been very pleasant. However this was a process I had to go through.

Being back at Hogwarts. Hearing Dumbledore's end of the year speech and hopping back on the Hogwarts express so that it could take us back to London. It made it feel like forks and everything that happened there had been a dream.

But if it really had been a dream I know that I would not have been able to sit on that train and laugh and joke with my friends and brother.

As the Hogwarts express came to a stop at kings cross station I took a deep breath.

Harry put his hand in mines and squeezed it. I looked at him and he smiled at me.

_We'll be back at the burrow sooner than you think _

We had gotten better at having conversations inside our head.

_I hope so._

Soon we were off the train and through the magical barrier back to the muggle world.

We expected to be met by the dursleys just like every year when we went back. However we were shocked to see not only the weasley's but also lupin tonks, and mad eye moody.

Harry, Ron, Hermione and I walked over to them.

Turns out they had come to have a little talk with the dursley's, as mad eye so nicely put it.

They more or less warned the dursley's not to bother us or else. The dursley's were definitely intimidated because they did not say a single word to us throughout the whole way. Not even an insult. That was an improvement.

I knew that the wait until I saw Edward would be long and not very happy.

I just didn't know that there would be more bumps in our relationship.

* * *

**okay you guys i appreciate anything you have to say **

**even if u have to say this was a pile of shit like this person told me one time. **

**cracked the shit out of me, that one did. **

**anyways, yeah.**

**-airali **


	26. sooner or later

**i really am sorry for taking so long but i'm on the verge of failing three classes and i cant let thhat happen**

**thats all i can say **

**sorry**

**and thanks a million for all of your reviews they really do make my day **

**enjoy**

* * *

"Edward!" I ran toward him the moment I saw him apparate with Frankie. He looked up at the sound of my voice and spread open his arms just as i jumped on him.

"You're here" I whispered breathless, kissing every inch of his face I could reach. He in turn turned his face up towards me so that he could kiss me back.

The whole summer had been drastically slow and painful. Images I had tried to keep away from my mind visited me during my sleep. The Dursleys hadn't appreciated that one bit, but were too scared to punish me. In some other time I would have beaten starved and probably overworked.

Sirius was on harry's and my mind constantly. There was very little talking between us, instead we shared our grief silently

Now I was back into the place I felt I belonged, in Edwards arms, and I was ready to forget all about that horrendous summer. I hugged him tight to me as if trying to create one out of the two of us. Edwards arms wound around me tightly his hands holding me possessively by the back. I could feel his fingers digging into my back as he too pressed me closer to him.

He pulled back then but I hadn't had enough I continued to kiss him desperately.

"Alex... please" he breathed.

That stopped me. Of course, he hadn't seen me in a very long time; this was very hard for him.

Not taking my eyes from his I let go of him and planted my feet back on the ground. His eyes were shut tightly and set on a pained face. He tired to control his breathing but I saw how he deepened his breaths. Inhaling my smell, no doubt, trying to get accustomed to my scent again.

I raised my hand and stroked is cheek, trying to get his features to relax.

It's crazy how I thought that when I saw him again he would somehow look different. But he remained just as breathtaking and youthful as ever.

"I missed you" I whispered gently. His face visibly relaxed under my touch and at my words.

He opened his honey colored eyes, behind the struggle and pain in his eyes, the softness and adoration was noticeable.

"So beautiful" he whispered to himself. He ran his soft hands against my face caressing with his touch.

His touch.

I had missed that a lot more during the long nights. I missed his feather light touches and the loving kisses. I had stayed awake for endless nights imagining him next to me, singing me to sleep. I would have that back when the summer was over.

His nose lightly skimmed my face as he breathed. I giggled when his nose ghosted over my neck.

"Better?" I said.

"Much better" he said and nodded.

"Where are the rest?" I asked. He straightened up and wounded his harm around my waist, brining me close to his body.

"Their hunting, but they'll be coming later on, shall we?" he gestured with his hand towards the burrow. Silently he led me over to the house where Frankie had gone to give us privacy.

"Do I at least get a hello?" Frankie said as soon as Edward and I crossed the threshold. I smiled at him and went over to hug him. I felt Edward close at my side and he placed a hand at my back.

"Give her some space Edward" Frankie scolded.

"she had enough space while she was away" Edward said, his tone was playful but I knew that he really meant it.

"Who said I wanted space anyway?" I smiled.

Everyone laughed. I was the happiest I've been in a long time.

The whole day Edward and I had been joined by the hip. It felt so good to just have him right by my side all the time. I couldn't deny that I wasn't dependant on him. It made me aware of just how unhealthy that made our relationship. But it's in our nature to love what is harmful to us. If anything, it was the unhealthiness of our relationship that kept us so tightly bound to each other.

These thoughts pondered in my head as Edward and I sheltered under a tree that was out in the weasleys garden.

Catching myself in the middle of my thoughts I realized I shouldn't be thinking that. I should just be happy that I was back in Edwards arms and that it would be that way for the rest of the summer. When the school year at Hogwarts started I had to go and see what would be going on with my new schedule. So I would most likely be there for one week until I was able to go home.

Home.

Hogwarts had once been my home. But everything was different know. Edward had become my home. Wherever he was, that was my home.

"What are you thinking?" he said picking up my hand and kissing my knuckles.

"I'm thinking about how i wish that we were in my room right now" I interlaced my fingers with his and pulled our hands away from him only to kiss his hand in return.

"Why?" he asked with a smile.

"Because I like the privacy it gives us. Here I feel like I'm being watched."

Don't get me wrong, I definitely wanted to be here and be with my friends and brother. But I also wanted to be with Edward alone. However the summer was nearing its end, and then I wouldn't see neither harry nor Ron and Hermione as frequently as I would be seeing Edward. Therefore it was without any sacrifice that I stayed here and enjoyed the company.

As a light breeze passed through and disarrayed my hair i turned to look at Edward, who hadn't given me a response.

His eyes held wonder and awe as i set my gaze on him.

"Alex" he whispered. "I have seen so many wonders. But do not doubt my words when I say that I have never looked upon anything as beautiful and glorious as you"

His sincerity didn't fail to make my heart stutter and then make it beat at its fastest speed.

My mouth tried to form some type of response, just anything that could match that spell that his words had casted upon me. Edward made it impossible when he leaned in to brush my lips with just his breath.

My hands tangled in his hair and I brought myself closer to him, my lips close enough to feel the heat of his lips but not touching them at all. A kiss wasn't needed for us to be left breathless at the close proximity between us.

When he gave up and pressed his lips softly against mines I had won the small battle we had unknowingly fallen into.

"You're mine" I almost panted when he paused the kiss to let out a few uneven and unnecessary breaths.

"I'm yours" he pledged.

But how true were his words?

* * *

The days passed and Edward was always there. He had really gotten along with everyone and the whole order had accepted what he and the Cullen's were and welcomed them with open arms. All was good and it was more than I could ask for.

The rest of the Cullen's visited often too. And had apparently been visiting since even before harry and I had arrived. They were amazed at the many things the wizarding world held. When they saw how quidditch was played I recall Emmett saying that baseball had nothing on quidditch.

"Oh and you haven't seen a real game." I said as I landed right next to him.

It wouldn't be good for Edward to see a real game though. If he ever saw me really playing and saw the balls we actually used his heart would probably come to life and then suffer from a cardiac arrest.

"Oh it gets better?" he said his eyes comically widening.

"Way better" I said remembering the quidditch world cup.

Had it really been two years since that day?

_As soon as Mr. Diggory called out Cedrics name some shape fell from the tree, it was inches away from me. _

_I let out a startled yelp, took a step back, tripped over a root and fell backwards. _

_Cedrics apologizing face came into my view as he began letting out a stream of sorry, forgive me's and I didn't mean to. _

_"Its fine" I said once he had helped me up and i had brushed off the dirt from me. "It's all well" I said half laughing at my antics. _

_Sensing that I was fine cedric gave me the first of his many smiles, his warm gray eyes made my stomach churn and it wasn't in the unpleasant way. _

_"Come on" I said averting my gaze elsewhere. "Or their going to leave us" _

* * *

Alice had been initially determined to make harry's and my birthday into something big. Harry and I, however, had been determined to make this as quiet as possible.

"Okay but you are going to have to pay back" Alice said when it had been decided that there would be nothing big.

"That means?" I prompted.

"It means you better prepare yourself because i plan on using you as my personal doll" she said with a smile that couldn't mean anything good.

**Edwards pov **

Harry and I strolled around the garden. Alex was inside already getting ready for bed. Already I had said my goodbyes to her for the night. Right now I needed to talk to harry since we had never gotten around to doing so.

It had been their birthday today, and as promised it was a quiet affair. I'll admit that I would have liked something better for her, for both of them. But it was really nice and they seemed to enjoy it. I just wish that they wouldn't have brought up the topic of the disappearances. There birthday shouldn't be tainted by such sad news. I didn't have to be jasper to feel how the mood had noticeably changed when they hit the topic. The last I wanted was to see Alex's preoccupied expression on her birthday.

Harry buried his hands deep into his pant pockets kicked pebbles as we walked. His scent i noticed was very similar to Alex's, but it was cleaner. It was like the purified version of her scent, and this one didn't make him thirst for it.

"Did I ever thank you?" he began.

I knew what he was talking about. "Yes, there's no need to thank me. I love her and I am sure you don't doubt that.

_I'd have to be mental to doubt it_ he thought.

"There's something bothering me" he said.

_She's too dependent on you it's not normal._

i sighed. "That worries me too" I said in response to his thought.

"Huh?" he said confused. "Oh right" he muttered

_You read my thoughts _

I nodded although I was sure he didn't see it.

"When she was with Cedric" he began, "I never realized just how much she relied on him until he was gone and he took her from me. By then great damage was done...now I can see it clearer Edward. And it worries me, if something happens to you...you have to understand that Alex is capable of anything, especially for those she loves." he turned his gaze to the sky, "I shudder to think of what she could possibly do if anything were to ever happen to you"

"She won't do anything for someone who's not worth it" I said firmly. Almost like and order.

"But to her you are worth it Edward and nothing you could ever say, no matter how much you can possibly hurt her, in her mind you will always be worth it."

And deep inside me I knew his words were true. But fear was something that would be forever engraved in our relationship. It shouldn't be, but there was no way to avoid pain. It appeared to come in the package of our love.

"After Sirius died" his words sounded half strangled. "How did she react?"

I remembered those painful days. "She tried to cover her feelings. But she was trying too hard, and it didn't benefit anyone. She was very unresponsive at times, but she rarely cried. Why?"

"Because she let it all out as soon as she arrived to the Dursleys. At nights she didn't sleep for fear of nightmares, she opted for looking out the window while she cried. It was torture to see her like that, it seems like every time she is beginning to get better something happens that just tries to bring her back down"

His mind took him to a particular memory that seemed to give my heart a painful squeeze.

_Harry came into a small room, already the sky outside the window was painted black. _

_A sob pierced the silence and he directed his eyes toward a corner of the room where a small bundle was curled up and shaking. _

_Wordlessly he walked towards her and tried to pick her up. _

_"No" she said annoyed and wriggled away from him falling back to the floor. "Leave me" she hissed through her sobs. _

_"I would never leave you Alex" harry said quietly._

_"Why not? Mom and dad left, Cedric left, and now Sirius left too...they didn't care. Why should you care?" _

_He sat next to her, resting his back against a white wall. _

_"They left me too Alex" she wasn't the only one that had suffered. "And you left me too for some time. So I beg you now Alex. Don't leave me again. You're the only person I have left, you're my only family" _

_She didn't say anything for the rest of the night, the only sounds that came from her lips was when she sobbed and took sharp intakes of air. Harry fell asleep next to her, in a seating position. But he distinctly remembers some time during that night that Alex had crawled onto his lap to continue her mourning. He picked her up and settled her into the small bed that they had been sharing. She turned towards him and curled into him in an almost feline way. Harry stroked his sister's hair until she fell asleep. Only to be awakened shortly by a bad dream. _

"She has needed you a lot these past few weeks and that might have helped her to rely on you even more. But I think that maybe if she hadn't been away from you for some time then she wouldn't have been able to just let go and let it all out. She would have been able to mourn. And that wouldn't have been good"

"I think so too" I agreed. "I hope that through all of that pain she had to experience. Some good was done to her"

"Well...I suppose there's nothing to do for now but just...let things come as they may."

"I don't like that. But i see there is no way around it." I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

"I know that Alex's future is very unpredictable but...what are the plans for the both of you Edward?"

_If he plans to be with her permanently then he is going to have to change her_

"I don't have to change her to be able to be with her" I said, struggling to keep that relaxed facade.

"Yes but then you're just thinking of yourself and you're not thinking about what Alex wants"

"How can you say I'm thinking about myself? I'm doing it because I don't want to condemn her to the life I have. It's not fair for her. I don't want to hurt her that way or any way. If I was thinking about myself I would have changed her ages ago. There's no doubt about that.

"Either way Edward, you're not thinking about her and what she wants"

"Alex doesn't know what she wants" now I was angry, " she's only fifteen, about to be sixteen she is too young to know what she wants for the rest of her life."

"You underestimate her Edward. You treat her as if she were just some silly teenage girl that is just acting on impulse. But you forget her past and you forget that she has had to grow up sooner than any person of her age should have to. She is not one of those girls so you shouldn't regard her as such. She's smarter than what you make her out to be"

I could see that harry too was older than his years though he didn't show it at times.

"Don't you think I know that?" I hissed.

"I don't really think you do" he fired back.

"How can _you_ stand here and telling me to destroy your only sister's life like that? What kind of a monster would do that?"

"I probably think more of her happiness than you do" he snapped. I sharply turned around, forgetting myself I pulled him by the collar of his shirt.

"Don't you dare say that I don't think about her happiness you know nothing, you're just an ignorant child too stubborn to listen to anyone."

His wand was already pointed at my neck.

"Let go of me" he said dangerously calm.

I released him and took deep breaths to recollect myself.

"Think about it Edward. She'll never be truly happy if you keep her human."

His thoughts became choppy, like he was trying to hide them from me.

_Halfway there anyway_

And what in the name of the lord was that supposed to mean.

"What was that?" i demanded.

"What?" he glared.

"What you just thought"

"That is none of your business. Thoughts are meant to be personal Edward so be the gentleman you can be and respect my thoughts"

With that he turned around and headed back inside the burrow. his train of thought seemed to have completely changed and i saw that he want mad at, annoyed maybe, but he liked me. Although I was really angry at the moment I was glad that he didn't think any less of me. That last thing I wanted was to have Alex's brother as an enemy.

But what had he been thinking that he felt the need to hide from me?

**Alex's pov **

"I'm ready!" I said and bolted down the stairs. I stopped at the foot of the stairs, busily looking down and smoothing down my hair. I had woken up slightly late and everyone had been waiting for both Ron and I.

"I'm ready" I panted then looked up to see everyone with huge smiles.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Where not going to leave without you Alex" harry said laughing. "There's no need to rush"

"Ron's not even ready yet." Hermione giggled.

"I wonder if Ron should have been the girl and i the boy"

"I love you like you can't imagine Alex but I wouldn't go gay for you if you were a man" a silky smooth voice spoke behind me, making me jump and gasp.

I turned and saw a smirking Edward next to me?

"What are you doing here?" I blurted.

His expression dropped at once and seemed hurt and worried.

"I didn't think you would mind." he mumbled.

"No, no, no, it's not that it's just- well you knew we weren't going to be here today didn't you?"

"Oh I just want to see some glimpse of the world my girl lives in you know." he said with a slight smile. "But I can leave if you want me to."

"I would be mental if I wanted you to leave." I said and stood on my toes to kiss him. He looked down at me and smiled as he leaned down to caress my face and kiss me.

He pulled away almost instantly; of course I forgot we had company.

I turned to look at everyone. They all smiled and began walking around and talking amongst each other. Harry seemed deep in thought as he leaned against a wall with his hand deeply immersed in his pockets.

_What are thinking? _I asked.

_Never you mind_ he said and i saw him smile. I returned it and pulled Edward over to a couch were I curled in his arms.

"Where are the rest?" i asked.

"Surely you didn't expect all of us to come, especially someone as immature as Emmett."

"Ok I think I see you point."

"Besides that would have been too many people." He added.

"Right." I looked at him; he wore a navy blue button up with black jeans and black dress shoes. a very normal outfit if you ask me, but he just took of the word normal from that outfit and turned into...wow.

"Woke up a bit late today didn't we?" he said fixing a piece of red hair back into place.

"Yeah, I don't know what happened." usually I'm awake much earlier.

"Good dream?" he teased.

"Any dream that has you in it is good. i said kissing his chest.

"Wish I could dream" he absentmindedly ran his fingers through my hair.

"So you can dream of yourself?" I looked up at him with a grin.

At my words his face turned into disgust and he said, "No" dropping his polite tone. He sounded just like a teenage boy when he said that.

"If I could dream it would be of you and only of you. If I could do that I think it would be more bearable when you leave."

"It's not the same." I said. "i dream of you when I'm away and it doesn't help me at all"

"Not you, but were different aren't we?"

"Yeah I suppose."

"I'm ready" called a breathless Ron. He stopped on the last step to catch his breath his chest heaved as he bent over.

"Jeez take it easy Ron, there's no fire" i teased.

"Did you hear my mom; she made it sound like there was."

Everyone laughed and began filing out of the house.

i stood up with Edward at my side, he turned me towards him and began zipping up my sweater.

"It's cold outside." he murmured.

Sure enough when we stepped out the wind was chilly. I instinctively shrunk closer towards Edward for warmth.

We had expected the extra security that we were going to get for our trip to Diagon alley to be some aurors. But we were pleasantly surprised when Hagrid met us at the leaky cauldron.

"Hagrid" I said and disentangled myself from Edward's arms and went to hug the giant man that smiled down at us.

"Hey there" he said enveloping me in his massive arms, I was sure I all but disappeared before the eyes of the others. "How are ye?" he asked taking a step back.

"Alright I suppose" I said.

Hagrid greeted everyone else, giving them all warm smiles and telling them that Dumbledore thought he was fit to be our bodyguard.

"Hagrid" I said as Edward came forward and wrapped his arms around my waist. "This is Edward."

Hagrid turned towards Edward and there was the friendly smile that signaled that already he liked Edward. My man was charming without even having to speak, and i knew that he knew it too even if he didn't like to recognize it.

"So this is the famous young lad" Edwards hand stretched forward to shake Hagrid's massive hand. The handshake that was exchanged would have shaken the whole body of human, but Edward didn't even budge with the heavy handshake.

"I've heard lots bout yer" Hagrid he said warmly.

"Likewise" Edward said with his charming smile that I'm sure won over many hearts.

"Good things I hope" I beamed at Hagrid.

"Only the best" he assured him wholeheartedly

Diagon alley had changed so much since the last time we had been here. It was almost a ghost town and to be frank it kind of scared me. Many shops were deserted and not a single person on their own. It was all dull and colorless; too unlike the first time I had been here six years ago.

I stopped right in front of ollivanders shop which was more or less destroyed. I wasn't the only one looking aghast, Hermione and Ginny both looked horrified.

"My god" I silently whispered to myself. Unconsciously my hand around Edwards tightened.

"Where are people going to get wands now?" Ron wondered.

"From someone else I suppose" answered harry.

"But Ollivander was the best" I said quietly.

Unlike harry who hadn't been sure if he liked the old wizard when he first met him, I had instantly liked him. In his odd way he was nice. The last time I had seen him he had been evaluating our wands for the Triwizard tournament.

"Come on now" said Mrs. Weasleys nervous voice, she was desperate to get this over with, that much was noticeable. "Hurry along and don't stay behind please"

We all walked and Hagrid walked right behind us, sticking to his job as bodyguard with pride.

Seeing as how the stores weren't even crowded we finished the shopping in record time. Despite the condition that Diagon alley was in, Edward looked everywhere in sheer amazement and wonder. I struggled but eventually he allowed me to buy him two books. He glared at me but it was soon forgotten when I pouted pleadingly at him. He sighed and kissed my nose. He was discontent, I could feel it, but he really needed to drop some of that pride of his. While I was there I got some books that I was sure that Carlisle would like.

When we walked into madam Malkins store to buy our robes we were unpleasantly surprised to see Malfoy and his mother there. They didn't seem too thrilled either. No doubt they hated us even more since we put Lucius Malfoy in Azkaban.

Edward and I went separate ways from the rest to keep up pretences. But I stayed close enough to hear what was going on.

"Remember that boy I told you about"

"That's him isn't he?" Edward said.

"Yup. That's Draco Malfoy. Lovely boy isn't he?"

"Hardly, how can a person be so hateful?"

"Ask him, he may be able to answer that."

I heard when he insulted Hermione. And just like harry and Ron I made to pull out my wand. Edwards warm hand stopped me from getting it out of my pocket however.

"Let's not cause a scene" he tried to reason. He was right; this was hardly the time and place.

_Calm down_ I all but ordered harry. His wand was raise but i knew him, he wouldn't do anything unless Draco did.

We got what we needed from there and madam Malkin all but kicked us out of her store.

What all of us were really interested in seeing was Fred and Georges store, it was hard not to spot, it was the only store that was crowded and seemed alive. I saw that there was mostly Hogwarts students in there.

"Edward come here" I said and pulled him to the side.

"Hey" Hagrid said ready to carry me inside the store himself.

"Relax I just don't want anyone to recognize me" I explained to the both of them. "If they see Edward and me together questions might arise and I want to avoid that.

Five minutes later I walked in as a tall brunette with a round face chubby cheeks and gray eyes. I was completely unrecognizable people didn't stare because they knew who I was; no they stared at the man that was holding my hand. Edward looked at me so often that it made me laugh.

"Why do you keep staring?" I said as we looked through shelves of treats to make you skip classes.

"This is odd" he explained. "You might as well be a different person, but you smell the same and I can't hear you. And I know it's you but this is just...odd."

"What can I say, I'm full of surprises"

"Maybe that's why I'm so, as Emmett, would say, 'whipped'"

I chuckled. "What does that mean?"

"It means I'm head over heels for you." he leaned down and kissed my temple. "It's not hard to see why" he whispered in my ear. I shivered and pulled away trying to control the way my heart seemed to do back flips.

"Well I see now that you have no reason for a love potion" said a voice behind us. I turned and saw both Fred and George side by and grinning at me from ear to ear. They wore royal blue robes, the both of them. It was evident that they were making some good money.

"Who told you?" I asked.

Fred and Georges eyes bugged out in fake disbelief.

"Alex?" Fred said pretending to be shocked.

"Oh well this is odd" added George playing the embarrassed part.

"Yeah I had just come here to see if I could get a date from the pretty brunette"

"And instead we get a brunette that not only has a boyfriend but is also a fake"

I laughed.

"Fred, George this is Edward Cullen, Edward this is Fred and George Weasley." I said indicating with my hand.

Fred and Georges faces turned serious.

"We don't care if you're some pretty vampire, you mess with her or hurt her and we will end you" Fred said.

They made it sound like a joke but something told me they meant it.

"I wouldn't worry if I were you" Edward said smoothly.

"Were warning you now Cullen" George added.

"If ever I do hurt her I will personally make sure that you guys carry on with that promise."

The twins nodded satisfied.

"Well you guys seem to be doing well" I said trying to move on to a lighter topic.

"Yeah, but we couldn't of done it without you or harry's help." said George.

"Which is why everything is free for you" Fred said.

I shrugged, "it's not like it was harry's or my money, it was Cedrics."

"Rightfully, I suppose."

"I'm glad you made a good use of it" I said.

"Look around and don't be afraid to take what you wish."

"Mind if I take some things for the Cullen's?"

"Not at all, help yourself. Now if you would excuse us we are going to go greet your brother. Alex, Edward" they nodded in unison and walked away.

"Interesting people" Edward said.

"Their heart is in the right place. i missed them a lot. They were the first Weasleys we were introduced to in our first year. That same year while harry and i had been in the hospital wing unconscious they tried to bring us a toilet seat.

Edward looked at me with questioning eyes.

"Long story" I said to make things easier.

He nodded and shook his head as if in disbelief.

"Well Alexandra potter, you certainly live in a very interesting world."

"Oh and you didn't see this place when it was alive" I said.

"I wish I could have, do you remember that first time you saw this place?"

"I could never forget that day" I smiled at the memories. "It was my birthday, and harry and I had just learned of what we were, Hagrid was the one that brought us here as a matter of fact.

I became so engrossed in the memory that suddenly everything around Edward and I blurred and we were taken back into that day.

An eleven year old Harry and I walked hand in hand moving our necks so fast, as if trying to see everything at once.

"You were so young" Edward said next to me.

"Yeah" I smiled. Though the streets were overly crowded Hagrid had no problem getting is through the sea of wizards and witches.

I felt myself being shaken and my concentration broke, instantly Edward and I were pulled back into the actual time.

"Alex" Harry called shaking me. I blinked twice and looked to see that Ron and Hermione were next to him.

"What?"

"We just saw Malfoy." harry said.

"Joy" I frowned.

"He looked like he was trying to be sneaky" Ron said. "Wasn't doing a very good job if you ask me"

"Go and check it out" I said. "Edward is not leaving my side and not all of us are going to fit under the invisibility cloak. I'll listen through your thoughts" I told harry. They agreed and then as discreetly as possible they pulled the invisibility cloak over them and slipped out of the store.

"Do you really think it's a smart idea to leave without anyone knowing?"

"Hey be happy that I'm staying here for your sake okay? I mean why would Malfoy need to hide? Oh he's up to something. Come on" I led him over to another shelve but in reality I was paying attention at what harry was seeing.

"Can you hear their thoughts?" I asked Edward.

"Now and then but their far away and with so many people in here it's not that easy.

"Right"

"Can you?"

"Yeah nice and clear. Let me get all of this and I'll fill you in."

Few minutes later Mrs. Weasley approached us.

"Have you seen harry, Ron, and Hermione?"

" yeah, Fred and George took them to the back room." Edward said. "They wanted to show them something."

"Oh" she looked around. "Why aren't you kids with them?"

The combination of Edward and kid was laughable, but I suppose that to Mrs. Weasley he was only a kid even if she knew he wasn't.

"Oh were looking for something for Edwards's family" I said. Mrs. Weasley smiled warmly at us and then sauntered off with Ginny.

"We should be partners in crime" i said grinning at him. He let out a silent laugh. "Do you feel just as bad as I do about lying to her?"

"To be frank, yes"

"Yeah I don't like it either" I saw through harry's mind as Hermione unsuccessfully tried to investigate.

The days passed by and I was constantly thinking about Malfoy.

* * *

"But it makes sense" I said to Edward the day before I left to Hogwarts.

"Alex!" I internally groaned at the person that had called me. I had nothing against fleur but she made me mad when Edward was around.

"elo Edvard!" she said cheerily surprised. " I did not know you vere ere" she batted her eyelashes and gave him a brilliant smile.

Isn't she going to get married?

"Fleur" Edward said politely. Oh but that wasn't enough for her, she strolled over to him and hugged him and kissed both of his cheeks. My eyes flashed angrily and I felt my temperature rise.

Fleur turned to look at me and i worked to compose myself.

"mrs. weazley vantz to know if you ave everything ready"

"Yes fleur." I muttered. She smiled kissed my cheek then walked- almost danced- back into the house.

I looked at Edward he looked at me amusedly.

"Shut up Edward Anthony, this isn't funny" I brusquely walked away. In a second he was there blocking my way and pressing me to his chest.

"Have I ever told you that I love it when you're jealous?"

"Let me go" I said angrily.

He pulled us down and leaned against a tree. Quickly I climbed on top of his so that I straddled him. As roughly as I could I put both of my hands on his cheeks and made him look at me.

"You are mine" I growled, and kissed each of his cheeks.

"I'm yours" he didn't hide that tone of elation.

"Only mines and forever mines" I kissed his jaw and his eyes closed.

"Yours and eternally yours"

"You will never look at anyone else but me" I kissed both of his eyelids.

"Only you" he whispered, was I really leaving Edward Cullen _breathless?_

"Fleur delacour means nothing to you" I ran my hands through his hair and kissed his temple.

"Nothing"

"And you only love me" I kissed behind his ear. A hiss escaped his mouth and the back of his ear was replaced by his soft lips.

"I love you" he panted.

"Mines" I murmured, barely coherent.

"Yours" our kiss blocked any other words. Desperately passionate we explored each other's mouth and reveled at the feeling of each other's lips.

Fire seemed to spread throughout me, with the intensity of our emotions.

I pulled away gasping for breath. Equally breathless, Edward leaned forward and ran his tongue over my lips.

He hummed in pleasure, and cradled me in his arms. i rested my head on his shoulder and for some moments we both worked on controlling our breathing.

"You know I only have eyes for you" he said once we were both controlled.

"Well she obviously has eyes for you and she's going to get married."

"That's where you're wrong, her thoughts towards me are friendly and that's all. She adores bill. She has all the love and devotion to him. Besides she too old for my taste.

I didn't fail to catch his double meaning. He was rarely like this but I liked the perverted Edward. I mean I'm a teenager so I can't be blamed.

"Your such a pedophile" I laughed.

"So?" his fingers ran up and down my spine.

"Why Mr. Cullen don't forget you are dealing with a hormonal sixteen year old, something undesirable might happen to you." I whispered in his ear.

"And who said it was going to be undesirable?"

"Usually rape is undesirable."

"It's not rape if you like it" his teeth lightly grazed my collar bone and I let out a small strangled noise.

"But you forget where we are" he said, and his teeth abruptly cut contact with my skin.

I let out a frustrated sigh. Now how did he expect me to live through this next week at Hogwarts?

"Going back to the matter at hand" he said so casually that I almost believed that we hadn't had mind boggling kiss.

"I was saying that it makes sense if Draco turned out to be a death eater. I mean look at all the signs. It all fits."

"But why would Voldemort accept a wizard that hasn't even finished..." I could almost hear his thoughts shift gear.

"you think he could be spying for Voldemort" it wasn't a question, it was a statement.

"Exactly"

"Okay so far it makes sense, but now tell me how could Voldemort use Draco as a spy? I have it understood that he is not exactly best friends with Dumbledore how could Malfoy get any information without Dumbledore finding out?"

He was right, and he gave me something else to think about for the rest of the week.

* * *

Edward was there the next day, saying that he would go with us to see me off.

So the next day we all hurried and went to say goodbye to fleur who would be staying at the house. She kissed all of us goodbye and as soon as she kissed my cheek I pulled Edward out of the house before she could even make a move to kiss him goodbye.

"That wasn't nice" Edward said but he was smirking.

"Oh well" I said and made him get into the car before me.

As we hurried through kings cross station I asked.

"Is Edward going to be able to pass" as far as I knew only wizard could pass the barrier.

"Oh yes, Muggles are the only ones that can't pass through the barrier and Edward isn't a Muggle, he's a vampire" Mrs. Weasley said.

"Okay Alex you go first" Mrs. Weasley said.

On cue one of the aurors that had accompanied us came to my side opposite of Edward and was about to steer me towards the barrier.

"I can take her" Edward said with authority in his voice. The auror looked suspicious. I wasted no time and took Edwards arm as he took my trolley. "So we just run at it?" Edward asked me quietly.

"Just run" I said. I broke into a sprint and he kept pace with me. as we got close enough to crash into the barrier we went through it and found ourselves at platform nine and three quarters.

"Come" I said leading Edward out of the way so that the rest could pass. Edward looked in awe at all the wizarding families saying goodbye to their children. Some dressed in normal attire and others already in their uniforms.

"The rest of the family would like to see this"

"Wouldn't they rather stay away from the temptation?"

"Yes but this is different, it's a whole new world. And it's your world"

I smiled as I looked around. It was almost time to go.

"Guess I'll see you in a week" I sighed and looked down at my shoes.

He put a finger under my chin and made me look up.

"We've gone through a longer time apart"

"Doesn't matter, to me any length of time away from you feels eternal."

"So I'm not the only one then"

I smiled and hugged him tightly.

A whistle sounded and everyone began boarding the train.

I took a step back.

"I'd kiss you but I don't want to draw attention." I explained he gave me a resigned sigh and a nod.

"I'll se you in a week"

"Okay, meanwhile I think I'll be at the Weasleys and have some bonding time with them" he smirked at me; he sure as hell wasn't referring to the Weasleys.

"Don't you dare Cullen" I said warningly. He laughed at me, and that broke my resolve. I pulled him down and he was quick to kiss me. It was brief but it was enough to satisfy us for now. "You are dangerous" I said.

He helped me heave my trunk onto the train; well he more like heaved it up himself. I got onto the train just as the doors closed. Quickly I got my trunk into the compartment harry was in. I pulled down the window and looked outside, Edward was right there next to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. He saw me and waved at me.

I quickly got out of the train and ran towards them. I hugged Mrs. Weasley.

"Thanks for having us at you're house Mrs. Weasley" I said. She hugged me back.

"You're welcome dear it was a pleasure having you and you're brother there."

I pulled away and hugged Mr. Weasley.

"Goodbye Alex stay out of trouble"

"I can only try" I said.

I turned to Edward and offered him my hand. He took it and led me back to the train.

I could see in that inside it killed him to let me go, the last time I had been in school I had ran off to the ministry and nearly got killed, but he also knew that he just had to let me go he could always be there.

I stood outside the train door and looked up at him. He kept his eyes on me as he leaned down and kissed the back of my hand.

"I'll be seeing you soon" he said.

I didn't answer as I stepped into the train and walked back to my compartment.

The train began moving and I sat back. He shouldn't worry, the action usually started at the end of the year.

* * *

The week hadn't been the best but I had a good time, last year I had gone straight to forks rather than spending the first week here, so I won't lie when I say I kind of missed it.

Harry had a stroke of luck as professor Slughorn allowed him to continue in potions, and had even more luck when he found a curious, use potions book that helped him do better in the class. The so called half blood prince must have been one hell of a wizard.

* * *

I had arrived at forks Monday morning it felt great being back home, I had missed everything about it.

Now it was night and Edward and I were by the creek. I was wearing three shirts and two sweaters plus Edwards coat to keep me warm. To top it off Edward was hugging me so that I could be warm.

"How is this relevant to Voldemort and helping you and harry survive?" Edward asked after i showed him the memory that Dumbledore ad shown us.

"I don't know how he thinks it might help us, but I think we'll find out in due time. But that memory I just showed you, those people are Voldemort's family"

He gestured for me to continue.

"The girl Mereope, she's Voldemort's mother. The young man that they had talked about, the one on the horse, the muggle, he was Voldemort's father. It is Dumbledore's belief that Mereope was in love with him so she gave him some type of love potion or something along those lines, and that's how she left and married him. Then in time she just stopped. He left her and their son and never looked back."

"That..." he tried to find words. "That is cruel."

I nodded in agreement.

"How do you that?" Edward asked.

"What?" I said unaware of what he asked.

"The whole memory thing. How you can show me your memories. Is that normal in wizards?"

I grew slightly wary. "no, it's just something I've been able to do since I was small" I hated lying to him. Soon I would have to talk to him about my current status as a witch. "I don't know why"

"Hmm that's odd" he believed me, I didn't want to lie to him anymore but my god he is stubborn.

Edward carried me as he ran through the silent Forrest. He climbed up to my room with the agility of a cat. He his intense gaze never left my own as he pulled the covers back and carefully placed me on my bed. I really had missed this bed.

He sat down I pulled myself onto my knees, so that he had to tilt his head back to look at me. I placed me hands on the sides of his head and leaned to capture his lips. It went slow but the Edwards hands traveled to my layers of clothing, and with each layer he took off the more urgent our kiss became. He stopped when the only thing that was left on my body was my sleeping clothes which had been under all my layers.

He gently pushed me back onto the bed so that he could adjust himself in a way that allowed him to hover over me and lean in for a kiss.

As I granted his tongue access into my mouth my hands ran down to his shirt he was too caught up in the kiss that he failed to notice me unbuttoning his shirt.

He only noticed when I ran my hand through his bare chest. His eyes snapped opened and he unglued his lips from mine.

"I can control myself Edward" I said irritated.

"It's not you I'm worried about" he muttered, I couldn't help but giggle.

"Loosen up" I said. "You and I both know that nothing is going to happen tonight"

"Or ever" he said with a heavy sigh.

"Excuse me?"

He looked at me with pleading eyes. "Please understand melody that I could never put you at risk, I already made that mistake once and it very nearly destroyed me. I won't allow it to get even close this time."

"Wait so in short words are you trying to tell me that you're never going to sleep with me?" he really wasn't expecting me to live like this forever was he?

"Well technically-"

"I'm serious Edward"

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry Alex."

"No Edward that's just really bloody mad, do you really think that's the best for both of us?"

"Yes, I'm not taking any chances melody"

I couldn't believe this, he wasn't humoring me, he was actually serious.

"And this brings us back to my request" I said.

"Melody" he groaned and closed his eyes.

"Edward, I know I don't want to live my entire life a virgin."

"You're a virgin?" his eyes opened.

"Of course I am" I said.

"Oh I just would have thought- well you know what with Cedric and all-"

"Be serious Edward I was only fourteen"

"Well you'd be surprised to hear that now even ten year olds are sexually active"

"That's not right"

"I agree" he said.

"Edward don't avoid the topic" I sat back and crossed my legs and arms.

"Edward I really think it would be better for the both of us if you changed me"

"No" he said brusquely.

"But have you heard yourself Edward? You just said we would never be together as a couple"

"It's for the best"

"No it isn't, not for me at least"

"I'm really sorry Alex, I know you deserve much more than this but, that's all I can offer you"

"You're lying and you know it" I whispered angrily.

"I'm not lying Alex I've made my decision and that's final"

"I think I should have a say in this, after this is my life you're deciding"

He took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Alex-" he began, but I had enough for tonight.

"Goodnight Edward" I said angrily. I laid back down on the bed and pulled the covers over my head and turned my back to him.

I heard him sigh.

I felt his arm snake around my waist so I shook it off.

"I'm sorry" he whispered, I didn't answer and eventually I fell asleep.

* * *

It was snowing when I woke up the next day and I was sure I had moved closer to Edward while I slept because my upper body rested upon his chest.

I inhaled his natural scent and hummed. I was too groggy to remember that I was annoyed with him.

"Morning" he said quietly.

His voice reminded me of last night. Abruptly I stood up from the bed and muttered a good morning as I made my way to the bathroom.

Okay maybe I was being a git but if this is what it took to make him change me then so be it.

It went like that the whole day. He would tell me something and I would answer him in short blunt sentences that always ended the conversation. And it killed me every time I saw his hurt expression. I was surprised I managed to keep it up for the whole day. But by the end of the day I was on the verge of giving in.

I lay down on the bed and turned my back to him.

"Are you going to be like this forever?" he asked quietly.

"Don't you think I have a right to be?"

"Yes you have every right…I'm sorry Alex but it's the only relationship I can offer you"

"Rubbish" I turned to him. "It's the only relationship you _want _to offer me, believe me there's a difference"

"I want what's best for you"

"A life of virginity is the best for me?"

"What is it that worries you, being a virgin for all your life?"

"No, you know how I fell Edward I already told you. I want to be with you in every way possible is that hard to comprehend?"

"Cant you see my side in this?"

"Yes you don't want to damn my soul but I recall showing you what it was like to really loose you're soul"

"Are we about to start on this again?"

"We wouldn't have to If you just agreed to turn me. Okay Edward so you want to just be with me until I die but I want to live with you forever what are you going to do? Force it to be you're way or run away like you did with Bella?"

I regretted it as soon as the words slipped out of my mouth. It really wasn't necessary for me to go that far.

"I'll only leave when you want me to leave Alex"

"You're taking advantage of the fact that I will never ask you to leave to force me into a life I don't want"

"It's working"

"But I'm not happy"

"Not right now but with time"

I crawled onto his chest and gave him a chaste kiss, he leaned in for more but I pulled back.

"I love you Edward" I whispered." And I will love you forever, but I will also resent you forever for depriving me of what I want.

He had no answer to this. Edward whom always had an answer for everything didn't seem to have answers for many things that I had lately been saying.

I got back into my place and turned my back to him.

"I wish you could see that you could do so much more than me" he whispered.

I pretended not to hear.

As I had thought many times before, this was no longer about him finding out about what I was. It was probably never even because of that. Maybe it was never about him finding it out that I was a vampire, that was just probably some weak excuse to be changed. Because now I knew that it was because I really did want to be with him forever and death shouldn't be the reason for our separation. If he ever found out I was a half vampire then he would use that as another reason to not change me and that's why I wasn't telling him that. But sooner or later he would find out. And I was desperate to be changed before he noticed.

* * *

I walked through the woods screams pierced the night but they had no bodies to claim them. Many people screamed and shouted, it was verbal chaos.

There were only two people with me, and they were at the very edge of the woods. Unable to see anything but their black shapes as they embraced, I moved forward to try to distinguish them. They were in such an embrace that from the distance it was hard to make one apart from the other.

"Hey!"I shouted at them. Two heads turned at the sound of my voice amidst all the other screams.

I was closer and I could smell a scent oddly familiar.

Only ones face became clear as I drew neared and it was that of a man. Both shapes were showered in light that came from outside the woods but it was only him I could see.

"Edward?" I asked. I had all but drowned the sound of all the other screaming people.

The figure he embraced was a few inches shorter than him and very obviously feminine.

As soon as his name left my lips it seemed like I was walking backward, they were suddenly becoming very distant and were both fast disappearing.

"Edward!" I screamed. There were no more screams but my own.

"Edward!" tears fell down my face as I realized he was leaving and not even looking back anymore.

"Edward!"

"Alex!"

It was his voice. How could I hear his voice when he was so far away?

"Edward!"

"Melody, wake up"

My eyes snapped open I was tense and my hands gripped the sheets as if for fear of falling if I didn't hang on to them.

I looked around the room until my eyes found what they looked for. Edwards face was close to my own. His eye were worried and panicked.

"Please don't go" I whispered, I was crying now.

He took me into his arms, lifting me off so that he could sit me in his lap. My body shook and I sobbed as I clung to him.

"What are you talking about silly girl?"

"You were there and you were hugging someone- you- you were leaving with her"

"Who, melody?"

"I don't know…it was a woman but- I –I don't know."

"Shh shh" he cooed. "It was just a dream melody. None of it is real, I'm here and I won't be leaving."

"Edward I'm s-sorry I k-know I'm being mean and I don't deserve you but-"

"Stop"

"No but I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"

"Stop"

"I'm a wretched person-"

Gently he put his hand over mine to quiet me down.

"None of that is true Alex; don't ever even think about it."

"but-"

"Shh" this time it sounded like an order. I sobbed.

"Never degrade yourself like that, you hear me? Don't ever do it. Now listen to me Alexandra, I will never leave you, not for anything in the world. Not as long as you still want me to be here. Is that clear?"

I nodded like a child being scolded by a father.

"It was just so real?" I said that very same night.

Edward held to him as he hummed to me trying to make me go to sleep.

"Don't think about it precious, just sleep" he said.

But I didn't sleep. I was too scared of that dream. If there was anything that I hated more since I fell for Edward was the thought of being alone. And that dream made me feel like I was completely alone.

In fact I didn't sleep the next day. Or the next, so that by the fourth day Edward had to threaten me with putting me to sleep by force.

I dreamed that dream again and I woke up scared and screaming, that day I kept Edward as close to me as possible but I was mad at him for making me go to sleep.

School and afternoon classes helped me to take my mind off the dreams. And I dreaded the night so much that sometimes I refused to even go up to the room at night.

I had to sleep, after two weeks of almost no sleep I had reached my limit, Edward hadn't hunted because he was there watching over me.

He was worried; I could see it in his eyes. Always carefully observing me and always making sure that we were in physical contact. Only in school when we had separate classes were we forced to part ways. But I knew he was looking over me through peoples minds.

* * *

Three weeks and he hadn't hunted. He was growing nervous. He didn't want to leave me but he didn't want to expose me to himself in such a dangerous way. He couldn't go while I slept because I made him promise he wouldn't leave me while I was asleep. Not even to hunt.

A month and a half later he reached his limit when in my sleep I bit myself and began to bleed. In his efforts not to attack me he destroyed almost the whole room and a couple of trees.

He made Alice and jasper come, Frankie allowed them to take me to their house while Edward hunted. They put me in his room hoping that maybe being there might help my fright. Jasper stayed with me, trying to lull me to sleep, but his efforts were wasted on me. He barely managed to calm me down. Edward was back a few hours later, but I could see he was in dire need of a long hunting trip.

Things didn't get better. The nightmare got worse, and every time Edward had to go I almost kicked and screamed and begged on my knees for him not to leave me. Even to me it was getting ridiculous however I couldn't seem to stop myself. When I had to leave for Hogwarts I came back that very same day. I wasted no time over there so I became really disconnected with my friends, not something I was proud of.

They suggested I see a psychologist. I refused.

Finally Frankie decided to just give me a posion to make me go to sleep. It guaranteed me dreamless sleep. With the nightmares so fresh in my mind, it was hard at first for me to stop being so paranoid, but as the nights progressed I began to calm down.

* * *

"You know what I think?" I walked behind Edward and wrapped my arms around his neck as he worked on his homework. He looked up at me with a relaxed smile.

"What do you think?"

"I think you need to spend some time with your brothers"

He took my wrists to lead me around in front of him. I sat on the edge of the table, but he wasn't having that he pulled me onto his lap.

"By 'time with my brothers' you mean?"

"I mean that I have kept you with me too long and you deserve to go on an extended hunting trip."

His expression became serious and slightly unsure.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, you need time for yourself, and I need to go to Hogwarts and see what I've been missing with harry, Ron, and Hermione."

"Yeah your right, about the last part anyways. About me needing time for myself, I've had enough of it. One hundred years to be more specific. Now all I want is to be with you as much as possible."

Yeah because according to him he only has a few years to be with me. I could have told him this but I was in no mood to argue with him.

"Alright, but if you change your mind just tell me alright, I'll stay if you want me to."

I wouldn't lie to myself; I was a bit apprehensive about this. But I was also sure that I was being unreasonable, just me and my insecurities and we both needed this.

"Yeah I'm sure, what's going to happen? Nothing it's just me being silly over nothing"

"Thank you"

"For what."

"For thinking about me even though you shouldn't. Have I ever told you that I really don't deserve you?"

"Yeah you've told me, and I've ignored it. And that's exactly what I'm going to do now"

* * *

Everything went fine and I think being away from Edward for the weekend helped me to calm down my nerves a bit.

* * *

"Just where do you think you're taking me today Edward Cullen?" I said as he gently pushed me into his.

"To see my family, they've been dying to see you and they want to see for themselves that you are actually better"

I smiled, it was so hard to see them sometimes, right after I got home I began lessons and then homework from both Hogwarts and high school and then some that only left me two weekends every month to see them.

I got ready in record time.

"Come on" I said hurriedly.

"Wow you must be excited to see them" he smiled.

"Yeah I am I haven't seen them in a very long time"

I knew how much it made him happy to see me get along so well with his family, even with Rosalie. He had said that Rosalie found it hard to warm up to people."But who could ever resist you're charm?" he had said.

"They miss you too" he said suddenly he brought me into his arms and carried me down to his car.

"You're a bit slow for my taste" he explained as he set me into the car. "Although if I think about it, you walk faster than the average human"

"Well I guess I tend to run so much that walking at a normal rate just doesn't do it for me anymore" smooth liar I am.

We talked animatedly throughout the ten minute drive; I hadn't had a day this pleasant in a very long time.

As soon as he had turned off the car he was at my side already opening my door.

"Thank you" I smiled. He pulled me in for a kiss, I was surprised but I soon followed along. I pulled away when it got too heated.

"Why?" he said discontent.

"Because you're family can probably hear us"

"So? He tried to capture my lips again; I ducked out of the way.

"So I don't want them to hear, it's embarrassing"

"You're embarrassed of kissing me?" he asked feigning shock.

I pulled him along with me as I walked up to the porch's front steps.

"No, now you're just turning my words around because I never said that"

I opened the door as he turned me around to face him, a mischievous smile fixed in his face.

"Edward!" a voice called.

Before I knew it I had been pushed away from Edwards arms. There in his arms was a woman that was fervently kissing the very same lips that moments ago I had kissed.


	27. love:the torment and delight of my heart

**it is amazing that after all this time i have finally got a beta **

**a million thanks to istas isi! she is my saviour for my horrible grammar. **

**enjoy it people!**

* * *

Alex's P.O.V

Time didn't stand still. There was no time for me to react to what came next. Suddenly this woman had stiffened and pounced upon me. I never even had time to pull out my wand.

I hit the porches wooden fence with this woman still on me. My vision became clouded but I saw her face draw nearer to my neck. I'd seen her somewhere.

Growls filled the Cullen home—they came from more than one person. And that was all I heard before I slipped into darkness.

**Alice's pov **

I couldn't understand how I hadn't seen any of this happen. I never saw Bella arrive until she was already at the door.

Everyone was speechless when she launched herself at Carlisle, who had opened the door.

Bella was dead. This wasn't possible. There wasn't time for an explanation though. The moment the door of the house was closed, Edward arrived with Alex. He had obviously been too caught up with her that he didn't hear our warnings.

"Emmett, get her." Carlisle ordered. Though he tried to remain calm he was panicked. Alex could die from the blow.

Jasper and Emmett both ripped Bella away from Alex's limp body.

Edward was already at Alex's side fiercely protecting her. I don't think he had recognized who her attacker was yet.

Rosalie was at his side too; both of them growling. She crouched defensively in front of Alex and Edward, daring Bella to come any closer.

"We need to get her inside quick and Bella needs to be away from here—Alex is bleeding." Carlisle said to Edward.

"B-Bella?" He said hesitantly, all hostility was gone as he turned to look at the person that nearly killed Alex. She didn't take him into notice she was too overpowered by her instincts to make any sense of what was going on.

"I'll take her to Frank. I'm sure he's going to be able to tend to her faster. Maybe they can close the wound without stitches or something." Rosalie said.

"Good idea." Carlisle agreed. "I'll call him to alert him."

I don't think Edward heard any of this exchange as he still stared dumfounded at Bella who still struggled against Emmet's and Jaspers hold. She eyed Alex with crazy hunger.

Rosalie picked up Alex's small body and was about to leave when Edward stopped her.

"Where do you think you're taking her?"

"Away from that beast that just tried to kill her." Rosalie hissed. "Let me guess, now that she's here you're just going to forget all about Alex?"

Edward's nostrils flared in anger and his eyes flashed dangerously. He made to take Alex away from Rosalie, but she moved her away.

"No." she hissed coldly. "All you're ever good for is hurting people. And that's what you're going to do her; you're going to hurt her. Besides, I'm sure there are better things for you to do right now."

She ran off into the woods. Edward made no move to follow. Instead, he turned towards me, a sad look in his face. Rosalie's words really did get to him.

"Will she be alright?"

"I can't see anything Edward…" I said softly. "But I'm sure she will be. Carlisle is going to go too, so she's definitely in good hands."

This didn't cause him much assurance; he obviously wanted to be there with her.

I saw Emmett loosening his grip on Bella. Bad idea.

"Don't let her go Emmett!" I warned. "She's going to follow Rosalie if you release her." Emmett nodded and secured his grip on her.

"Let her go." Edward said softly.

"Edward I saw her-"

"Jasper, try to calm her down please." He continued ignoring my protest. "Alice, Esme, could you help me clean all the blood?"

"Yes Edward." Esme said quietly, she and I began to clean off Alex's blood.

"Bella?" I'd never heard such tremor in Edwards's voice. For years he hadn't been able to even hear the name, let alone say it. And now he was talking directly to her. This must seem like some sort of dream to him. It seemed this way to me. The idea of having my sister back here after she was dead to us for so long seemed like the most wonderful dream.

Bella seemed to return to her normal self when he called her name.

She had changed since I last saw her. Her skin was paler than ever and her chocolate brown hair was long and luscious. Her eyes, which had once been warm brown, were now the darkest of blacks. I could see some of the old Bella in her; otherwise the transition from human to vampire had greatly changed her. The biggest change being that her body wasn't deformed by a hybrid baby.

But how did this happen? We buried her! She wasn't breathing, she was dead!

"Let her go." Edward said.

Emmett and Jasper looked towards me.

"I don't see her trying anything." I said and nodded.

The moment she was released she ran towards Edward. This time he caught her. There was no hesitation when he kissed her. I suppose that somehow we all understood. But Rosalie's words seemed to ring in the air. Maybe she was right.

We all turned to look at each other.

Don't get me wrong, I guess if he was happy then we were happy for him. And as unbelievable and shocking as it was that Bella was alive, we were all overjoyed to see our sister again. But none of us approved of what he was doing right now.

Simply because this would break Alex.

Quietly we all slipped inside the house to allow them some privacy.

Carlisle stood at the foot of the stairs, with a disappointed look fixed in place. He sighed.

"I will go to make sure Alex is alright. Although I'm sure I'm not needed there." He kissed Esme and was out on his way.

We could hear Edwards shaking voice from here.

"Yo-you're…you're here." Sobs followed his words.

I couldn't help but glance out the window. They had sunk to the ground; Bella had him in her arms as he lost control and sobbed into her neck.

"I've looked for you for a century..." said Bella's sobbing voice. "Just when I had lost hope I find you here, where it all began…"

His body shook and she lovingly stroked his hair. "You're here…" he kept whispering.

In that moment his future along with Bella's and Alex's disappeared. As used as I was to the disappearance of Alex's future I knew I wouldn't be able to see it for a long time.

We all went into our rooms to give them as much privacy as we could.

After two hours Carlisle was back and Edward and Bella were more composed.

"There's a lot to talk about." We heard Edward's soft and loving voice say. His voice though it was happy and unbelieving it held preoccupation. "And I think everyone else is hoping that you'll explain."

We heard them come in.

She was still our Bella and although she had just tried to kill someone dear to us, we couldn't judge her; she was hungry and got out of control. It happened even to the best of us.

Her timing was just really bad.

**Edward's P.O.V.**

No words could ever describe what I felt when she was in my arms. She was where she belonged after a century. Something inside me snapped and I forgot everything and everyone except her. For so long I had dreamed of her somehow living. It had been so hard for me to understand that she was gone. But somehow, God had found it in him to give her back to me. To this day I still do not understand how he could be so good to me.

My Bella, I don't know how, but she was alive and she was here. That horrible ache in me had vanished; she was back in my arms.

There was a problem that didn't allow me to be completely happy though.

That ache had been cured about a year ago.

Bella's soft lips weren't the ones I had known. These had a shape of their own, unlike my Bella's, which just seemed to mold to mine. Her body, it wasn't soft, it wasn't vulnerable. It was strong and independent. Her scent, she smelled like one of us, there wasn't a single trace of that scent that had constantly kept me on edge.

She had changed.

Alex.

Alex's limp body came into my mind.

Guilt and worry washed away any good feelings I had.

Trying to be subtle, I pulled away. She took my hand. Her wedding ring lay there on her ring finger. Whereas my wedding ring; I had disposed of in a surge of anger.

I led her into the living room—swirls of emotions filled the room. I led her towards a couch and made her sit down. Her beautiful face looked at me expectantly. I smiled, kissed her cheek, and went to the other side of the room. I hated the lack of contact with her. I had been without her for a century and now that she was here I still couldn't be with her. Her hurt expression only helped to build up my guilt.

Too perturbed to sit down, I leaned against the rail of the stairs and looked at my wife as she began to explain what had happened in the last century.

"I thought I was going to die. I don't know how it happened but suddenly I was in the dark. I couldn't move. It was as if I had been paralyzed. After what seemed like an eternity, I felt the fire. It was just like when I was attacked by James."

Even now, after she had been turned into one of us, her mind was still silent to me. But I could see she was remembering.

"It went on like that; I don't know how long it was. But I screamed, no one answered. Eventually I stopped screaming—there was no use. I was surprised when the fire began to subside. I knew what was happening to me. When I opened my eyes though, it wasn't what I expected. I expected to be met by my family and my husband. Instead I was in a casket, buried deep in the ground."

I closed my eyes at this. How could this have happened? We had all been sure she was dead when in reality I left her to fend for herself ten feet under the ground. Rosalie's accusations seemed to be correct. I was only capable of causing pain.

"I got out. I was quick to understand what had happened so I made sure to make the grave seem untouched. Then I hurried here expecting to find my grieving family. All I was met with yet again was emptiness."

A dry sob escaped her and Esme went forward to embrace her. I should be the one doing that.

"I have to say I lost a lot of time here. I was confused as to why you would just leave like that. Finally, I decided to go up to Denali; I was in high hopes of finding you there. I was disappointed to find that not only were you not there but neither was any of the Denali's. That's when worry and despair kicked in. Unsure as to where you could possibly be I roamed around. Just earning money and going here and there in search of you. My hope was lost long ago. I wanted one last visit here. So I came, unsure however, whether I should arrive to the house or not."

She stood up and crossed the room in a second.

"As it turns out," she looked at me closely, lovingly, she looked at me the only way she had ever looked at me: with love. "It was the best decision I could have ever done. I'm home and back with my family."

This is what Alex's dreams had referred to. Bella was the woman she had been so afraid of.

How was Alex right now?

Bella's hand touched my face. "Oh how I've missed this Edward." She whispered stroking my cheek. For a century I had longed for her touch and now when I finally had it, I was forced to pull away. I took her hand into mine and softly kissed it.

"What have you done all these years, Bella?" Carlisle said.

_Keep your mind straight dude. Remember that your relationship with her isn't that simple right now. _Emmett mentally warned. I gave a curt nod and with a heavy heart I slowly slipped away to sit at the piano bench.

She began telling stories about what she had been doing for this past century and the rest contributed their own stories. Throughout everything I was quietly observing.

I loved Bella as much as before, but I also loved Alex. I don't know what I would do without her. Even now with Bella here, I don't think I was ready to let go of Alex and I highly doubted that I ever would.

I didn't need Alice to know that my future was at crossroads, as I watched I became perfectly aware that I could not have both, I had to choose. And it was impossible to choose between the two most important people in my life.

I had failed Bella, I had always told her she would be the only one I would ever love. I lied to her and abandoned her all these years. What kind of a husband was that?

I was also letting Alex down. I had worked so much to earn her trust—worked so much for her to not doubt my love to her. But with what was now happening how could she not doubt my love for her?

Alice straightened and her eyes became unfocused. I searched through her mind to see what she saw.

"_My head…" Alex groaned. A bandage was wrapped around her head and she had a hand shaped bruise on her neck. She tried to sit up, her face screwed up in pain. _

"_No." Rosalie said and firmly put a hand on her shoulder to gently push her back down on the bed. "You need to rest."_

"_I don't want to rest." she said stubbornly. "I'm perfectly fine." _

"_You are not!" Rosalie said sternly. "Now drink this." She handed her a little flask filled with purple liquid. _

"_What is it?" Alex eyed it—she was well aware of what it was. _

"_You know what it is, now drink it." _

"_I don't want to sleep." Alex shook her head stubbornly and looked out the window, it was night already. _

"_I highly doubt he's going to come." Rosalie wasn't being gentle about the matter. She herself felt too irritated to be nice when it came to me. _

The vision ended. Everyone in the room looked at me and Alice. I shook my head at them.

I had to go and see her tonight and I couldn't leave Bella here and let her find out about Alex by my family.

"Bella." I spoke. Her head whipped to stare at me—a beautiful and hopeful look grazing her flawless face.

"Yes Edward?" she said softly.

I stood up and motioned with my head for her to follow me. Eagerly, she stood and came to my side and took my hand.

"I'll race you!" She said and was off before I answered.

Long gone were the days when I had to carry her through the forest.

I turned to look at the others. They all gave me a single sad smile. With a nod to all of them I set off after Bella.

I followed her scent all the way to what, to this day, still remained as our meadow. She sat in the middle of it.

How did I pass a century without her?

It wasn't raining today in Forks. The moonlight hit the meadow and Bella's skin. She was a vision…she was like a ghost. And in a way she _was_ a ghost to me. I still couldn't get past the idea that she was alive.

She smiled at me and patted the spot next to her. I sat down without hesitation.

"You don't seem happy to see me." She said taking my hand and playing with my fingers.

"Maybe it doesn't seem that way, but you have no idea of what it feels like to know you're alive and you're here." There was more that I yearned to say and do. But I couldn't fail Alex more than I already had. I couldn't betray her like that.

"You've changed Edward." she whispered. "Do you not love me anymore?"

"No." I said quickly. Her face was momentarily shocked. "No, I mean, I do. Bella I love you as much as I loved you the day of our wedding. I never stopped loving you."

"Who was that girl?" she whispered. "That one with the red hair—the one I attacked?"

I closed my eyes as I was about to do the hardest thing I'd ever done. I didn't want to tell her, but she had to know the ground on which we stood.

"Her name is Alex Potter…I met her a year ago."

She sobbed and shook her head; just with those words she seemed to know what was going on.

As she covered her face with her hands I enveloped her in my arms.

"I'm sorry." I whispered into her hair.

I had never wanted death more than I did now; for I didn't deserve either of these girls and they didn't deserve someone as worthless and horrible as I.

"Why?"

I had known that it was wretched of me to ever love again. When I realized what was going on I had felt extremely guilty because my love was meant to be Bella's only. No one else had a right to have what she still had to this day. Yet Alex managed to pull me in and take my love with that broken expression and that suicidal heart.

"Nothing justifies what I did Bella." My voice quivered with emotion as I tried to explain to her what had happened. "She came here so vulnerable and depressed. There where similarities between you and her that just- they-they drew me in. I don't know how but…we understood each other. We helped each other to live again…I tried to ignore it, but when I least knew it, I was too tied up with her. Please forgive me."

I didn't deserve to beg to her. But if she was the same person I knew she would forgive me in the end. I took advantage of that.

"Does she know?" she struggled to control her dry sobs.

"She's a witch—she knows."

She said nothing about this.

"It makes sense that you would move on Edward. I do forgive you-"

"No!" I said angrily. "No Bella! I don't deserve your forgiveness or your love or anything that's not loath from you! I don't deserve it! Just for once I wish you would say 'no' to me Bella! I wish you would make me pay for my faults."

"I can't do that Edward." she said quietly. "I'll always forgive you because I can never hate you. I love you so much that there's no room for me to hate you. The same way you could never hate me."

"I tried…" I looked up at the sky; I desired to be as peaceful as the sky looked. Just to escape the messy tangle that had become of my life. However this wasn't a matter I could run away so easily from. "There is no justification for what I did, but I have never forgotten you. She's just as special to me but she can't take your place."

She leaned in to me and hid her face in my neck. I held my beloved for years it seemed.

This is how it should have been, just her and me. Alex shouldn't have even had a small part in my life.

What should and shouldn't be, however, was meaningless. What mattered was what it was. And the fact was that Alex was in my life, and she was a big part of it, and I was too enamored by her to have a clear future with Bella.

Yet despite all this I did not hate Alex I did not resent her for keeping me from Bella because in the end it wasn't her fault. I most definitely did not regret falling in love with her. I didn't regret meeting her.

"I suppose I'm sorry for attacking her." she whispered. "Her blood…it was just too… It was impossible to resist."

"Have you been feeding on human's Bella?"

"No." she said incredulous. "I know better than that. I have had great practice at resisting humans. But I've never smelled anything like her. I think she could be my singer- is that how you felt with me?"

"Yes…it seemed impossible to resist but I was able to do it. If I wasn't so good at controlling myself I wouldn't be able to be near Alex."

"She's you're singer too?" she frowned.

"Yes, Emmett once told me that he'd had two. And one was stronger than the other. The same applies to you and her. Her scent is more potent. Harder to ignore, for me at least."

"What other similarities are there between her and me?"

"Just that one and like you I cannot hear her thoughts."

"That's interesting."

"It is…" I let the sentence hang in the air. Taking a deep breath I looked around. I was anxious to know how Alex was. I wanted to be with her, to hold her and reassure her. Yet the mere idea in itself seemed like I was hitting a new low. Being here with Bella telling her how much I still loved her and then going to a wake Alex to hold her through the night and reassure her if there be need for it. The mere thought put my self loathing into action.

"I'm going back to the house." She said and softly stroked my hair.

My eyes closed at her touch. So soft, so caring so unlike anything I deserved.

"If it matters that much, I suggest you go and see for yourself how she's doing."

She didn't sound happy. But it was to be expected. How could she be happy about this? It would be perfectly natural for her to loathe Alex right now.

"I need to see her."

I had to make an effort to make her see that alex mattered to me a lot. That I could not be at ease with a simple reassurance that she was all good.

"I see that." she responded, she stood and without another word she gracefully ran off, back the way she had come.

I will never be able to atone for this sin of mine because surely hurting both Bella and Alex was counted to be a sin. But there wasn't enough punishment in this universe to make me pay, that truth greatly disturbed my already disturbed mind.

I stood and raced all the way to Alex's home. My feelings were too mixed to make any sense of them. But I felt the distinct relief that washed over me as I smelled Alex's scent and heard her steady heartbeat.

Deciding to take the shortcut I climbed onto the balcony. Before I could enter the room where I now registered a sleeping Alex was at, Rosalie came out. A fierce glare fixed in place. She closed the French doors silently and looked at me

"What are you doing here?" her cold tone only helped to fuel the irritation that had sprouted within me the moment she stopped me from going any further into that room.

"I don't see how that is any of your business Rosalie."

"She's like my sister." she crossed her arms.

"She's my mate!"

"Last time I checked, Bella was you're mate. If you really cared for Alex as much as you claim to care then you would have followed over here to make sure that she was alright."

"That's exactly what I'm doing right now—making sure she fine."

"She knows."

"Well of course she does! What—you thought that I thought you wouldn't meddle? I don't even want to imagine what your words were. Move over Rosalie, I'm going to fix the mess you have caused."

"You don't fix things Edward. You break them. And I won't let you break Alex anymore than you already are."

I drew closer to the doors; she crouched defensively and growled at me.

"Rosalie…" said a soft voice from inside the room. I broke the glaring contest between Rosalie and me and looked up to see an unnaturally pale Alex standing in front of the French doors.

"Please let him come in."

This only angered me more. Alex should not be asking for Rosalie's permission.

Rosalie was fuming but said, "Fine." sharply. And then ran away to the house. Violent thoughts infiltrated her mind as she ran.

I walked into the room; too much of a coward to look into those eyes that I knew would be sad.

She walked over to the bed and sat on it crossing her legs.

"You lied." she whispered.

I wasn't expecting those words. I followed her and sat next to her silently awaiting for her explanation. my anger towards rosalie had already vanished.

"You said it was going to be alright. But nothings alright right now."

"I'm sorry."

But what was sorry to her? They were just words to her, they had no meaning.

"I am too." She raised a hand to her bandaged head and rubbed her temple, closing her eyes.

"How bad was it?" I should have been here when she had awakened and I should have been the one to have told her.

"Cracked skull, concussion, two broken ribs—the usual for me." she shrugged. She was good at this- the physical pain- though she really shouldn't be. She removed the bandage from around hear head. I didn't argue—it's not like she needed it. Her hair fell to her shoulders, it was white. Not white like an aged persons white hair, no, hers was paper white, like snow.

"I should have been here." I said to myself.

"I understand why you weren't—it's alright."

"It's not alright Alex!" Here I was, blowing up on yet another girl. I pulled at my hair in my frustration and bowed my head in shame. "Everything has gone so wrong." I muttered.

I could see as she reached out to touch me, her hand stopped in mid air and a second later she pulled it back.

I mentally pleaded for her to touch me, to hold me and comfort me and not doubt me.

"You should be sleeping." This was too much for her right now. She needed rest.

"I can't. The potion isn't helping…I keep waking up." I glanced at her bedside table; two empty flasks littered the table. Just one flask filled with potion was left. I reached for one of them.

"Here." I said giving it to her.

I don't know why she didn't argue. Perhaps she wanted to rest, or perhaps she just wasn't in the mood to argue. Nevertheless she drained it.

I collected her in my arms where she momentarily stiffened and then relaxed. I settled her into the bed where I lay down. As she had done countless times she scooted over to me hiding her face into my chest. But her movements were much more timid. As if afraid I might reject her.

She definitely did doubt my feelings for her.

I put my hand on her cheek and guided her face to meet mine in a kiss.

I placed as much fervor and love as I had into our kiss. My heart broke when I felt her warm tears make contact with my cheeks.

"Don't cry my angel. It breaks me further." I softly whispered and brushed away her tears. More and more tears fell as she silently cried.

What else could I do? I couldn't reassure her and tell her it was all going to be alright, because things weren't going to be fine.

So I did the only thing I could do right now. I sang her to sleep.

I stroked her hair as words of honey fell from my lips.

_Goodnight my angel time to close your eyes_

_And save these questions for another day _

_I think I know what you've been asking me _

_I think you know what I've been trying to say _

_I promised I would never leave you _

_And you should always know _

_Wherever you may go no matter where you are _

_I never will be far way _

_Goodnight my angel now it's time to sleep _

_And still so many things I want to say _

_Remember all the songs you sang for me _

_When we went sailing on an emerald bay _

_And like a boat out on the ocean _

_I'm rocking you to sleep_

_The water's dark and deep inside this ancient heart _

_You'll always be a part of me_

_Goodnight my angel now it's time to dream _

_And still so many things I want to say _

_Someday your child may cry_

_And if you sing this lullaby _

_Then in your heart there will always be a part of me _

_Someday we'll all be gone but lullaby's go on and on _

_They never die that's how you and I will be _

The potion worked its magic and slowly her eyelids dropped.

I stared at her for a long time. She looked disturbed and fatigued.

"What am I doing to you?" I whispered as I lowered my head to bury it into her hair. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths of the scent that I had, with a lot of pain, grown to love.

**Alex's P.O.V. **

I remember waking up. I didn't, however, open my eyes. I remember having woken to a sweet honeysuckle smell.

I pressed my face closer to Edwards's shirt and sniffed him. I loved how he smelled—the scent was comforting.

"Hmmm…" I hummed in content.

"Well good morning my little puppy" Edward said softly. His soft playful mood almost made me feel like this was just some normal day.

I wish that were true. My night had been dreamless, yet it had been restless. I could feel it in my body I was stiff due to all the tension.

"No school today?" I muttered. My voice was raspy due to the sleep.

"No, you need to rest."

"Thanks, but I doubt that I'll get proper rest anytime soon." even now I felt like I'd barely gotten any sleep.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I'm stressing you out."

"Stress is part of my everyday life, don't worry."

"We have to talk don't we?" his tone was hard; it was clearly something neither of us looked forward to.

"Yeah, I guess we do." But instead of talking I got up and went to my closet to grab the first clothes I could find. Then I headed into the bathroom to shower.

**Edwards P.O.V.**

When I heard the shower turn on I got up, intent on going back home for a quick change of clothes. Though at this moment home is the last place I wanted to be in. I didn't want to be deterred and Bella would definitely keep me there.

_Stay there _Alice's thoughts called to me.

She was heaven sent. She climbed onto the balcony with a bag that contained my clothes.

"I thought you'd rather not stop by at the house right now."

"Thank you, Alice. What would I do without you?" I embraced her.

"Yes I do wonder that." she said grinning. She glanced at the bathroom door. "How is she?"

"She's composed…right now."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know, Alice." I sighed and rubbed my face with my hand.

"I'd like to tell you you're going to do the right thing. But no one knows what the right thing is right now."

"Thanks Alice." I said sincerely. "How are things at home?"

_Do you really want to know?_

I nodded.

_Bella's a mess. This wasn't the welcome back she was expecting. I'm sorry, I don't think even she planned on coming here last night. I didn't see it, it was a spontaneous decision it seems. _

"Yeah I realized that. You would have called me otherwise."

She agreed. She looked towards the bathroom again and then back to me.

"Get changed. She's going to come out soon."

On cue the water stopped running.

"Thanks Alice."

"I love you brother." she hugged me again.

"I love you too, little sister." I ruffled her hair. She playfully slapped my hands away.

"I'll see you later."

She was gone in seconds. I could hear Alex pulling on her clothes. Quickly I pulled out the jeans and button up that Alice had packed for me. Apparently, there would be no rain today.

I was ready when she came out. Her hair was still white, but it was wet. She wore a white long sleeve shirt with a pastel blue jumper over it and jeans.

I could help my gaze as it ran over her petite form. Her soft curves were hidden by the jumper which flared under the bust. Yet the color of the material set off the color of her skin in a lovely way.

She noticed my appreciative look and rolled her eyes, turning slightly pink. Desire flooded within me as her cheeks flushed pink.

"Come on." She said taking my hand. "I'm hungry."

"I'll take you to eat." I offered.

"No thank you. I don't feel like being in public."

We walked down the stairs hand in hand. Frankie was already going around the kitchen making breakfast.

"Oh you're up!" he said when we walked in. "Hello Edward." he said.

He knew what was going on. It had been going around in his mind all morning. It was a wonder that he wasn't cross with me right now.

"Good morning Alex. How's your head?"

"I feel better. My ribs feel slightly bruised." She took a seat on one of the chairs. I leaned against the counter and crossed my arms.

"Yeah well that was a nasty accident you had. It wasn't going to all just go away just like that. It'll be gone by the end of the day."

How nice of him to just pass this off as a _nasty accident_ when clearly it was much more than that.

"Breakfast is ready Alex, alright? So you help yourself. I'm off to the ministry. Got some work to do, so I won't be home until late."

"Alright, Frankie. Thank you." She said as he came over to kiss her cheek.

"I'll see you later Edward. Take care of her."

"I will Frankie. Have a good day."

"Thank you."

He went to the living room where we heard him leave.

There was a moment of silence before Alex made to get up—no doubt planning on getting her breakfast.

"Stay." I ordered and began sprinting around the kitchen getting a plate serving her pancakes then filling a glass of milk for her. I set it all on the table along with the peanut butter, jelly and chocolate syrup. I had come to learn that she preferred that instead of the traditional honey and butter.

"Thanks." she said looking at her plate. I took a seat across from her and observed as she took small pieces of pancake and slowly ate it. She seemed to be deep in thought and only half aware of her movements.

She wasn't even done with the first pancake when she set down her fork and announced that she was full.

"I just can't stomach anything right now, Edward." She explained when she saw my disapproving look.

"You should try at least to finish it."

"I did try and I'm full."

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "But you're going to eat lunch no matter what."

"Deal. Can we go to the creek?"

I was gone in a second and seconds later I was back with a forest green trench coat, and gloves.

She stood when she saw me and smiled at the sight of me holding her things.

"Thank you." she said as I helped her into her coat. Then she took the gloves and placed them on her hands.

I took a step back to give an appreciative glance. The trench coat covered her jumper and flared under her waist. My eyes ran over her neck. A purple bruise formed from where Bella had grabbed her.

"You look lovely." I said embracing her and kissing the bruise. "Well you look especially lovely, because you always look lovely."

"Stop, you're making me blush!" she giggled. Indeed she was blushing.

"That's good; you've been looking pale lately." I teased. I took her into my arms and ran out through the kitchen door into the forest.

**Alex's P.O.V.**

As Edward effortlessly ran thought the forest carrying me, I realized with a pang that this could one of the last times that he ran with me.

I had been a mess since I woke up yesterday and Rosalie had told me what was going to be. Especially because I knew I would be the one leaving.

Though Edward and I made an effort to talk normally and act normal, the tension was in the air. And neither of us could hold this conversation off any longer.

We reached the creek where Edward sat down with me on a rock close to the stream. He cradled me in his arms.

"Your blood has the same effect on her as it does to me you know."

"That explains the sudden attack." I responded. His hand absentmindedly ran over the bruise on my neck. I tried to get up but Edward held on to me.

"Stay with me." He pleaded. I caught the double meaning of that. Mutely, I nodded and relaxed in his hold.

"I was surprised," He began, "When I found out it was her. It all seemed so…surreal…Like I would wake up from this dream soon."

He thought it was a dream…I thought it was a nightmare. How ironic.

"How did she survive? You said you buried her."

"I don't know. My only guess is that the venom kicked in late. She says she went through the motions of becoming a vampire after that. Then she dug herself out of the dirt. By then, we were long gone. I tried to go on my own, but the rest wouldn't let me, fearing I would try something to go. She looked for us throughout the whole century. Only now did she find us again."

I tried to gather my thoughts and find something to say. It was just a lot to take in. My boyfriends formerly dead wife suddenly arrives tries to kill me and then says she was never dead. Why did she look so familiar?

"Are you happy Edward?" My voice was so quiet that a human wouldn't have heard me correctly. Being Edward though, he heard perfectly.

"On the one hand, I'm ecstatic I mean-" He stopped himself abruptly.

I was the last person he wanted to tell this to. But I wanted—no—I _needed_ to know. I sat upright on his lap and raised my hand to guide his face to turn and look at me. His eyes wouldn't meet my own; sorrow was set deep in them.

I stood up from his lap sat on the ground. I looked up at him with an invitation. It was my turn to comfort. He accepted and stood. I spread my legs apart so that he could sit between them. He did so and then rested his back on my chest. The back of his neck rested on my shoulder. He pulled my hands forward so that he could entwine his hands with mines.

I leaned forward to kiss his temple.

"Please tell me and be honest. I won't judge you Edward. Trust me."

Conflict arose in his eyes as he speculated me.

"I do trust you." he said resolved.

"Then tell me the truth." I placed an assuring kiss on his hair. He sighed when he felt me breathe in the sweet smell of his bronze locks. He took my right hand and kissed it.

"I was beyond happy when I realized who it was. It was a swirl emotions: confusion, fear-"

"Fear?" I interrupted.

"I was afraid that I was imagining it—that I had gone…'mad' as you like to say. I felt worry, but the dominant emotions were happiness, disbelief and-"

I knew the next word that would come out of his mouth.

"Love…" His voice was quiet—nervous. But there was no hesitation.

My heart couldn't help but tear a bit at the word.

Love.

It was the torment and delight of my life, it seemed.

He wanted to say more I reckon but he stopped himself.

"Speak your thoughts." I encouraged in quiet whispers.

"To this day Alex, I love her just as much as I did that first time I realized that I was in love with her. I love her as much as I did on our wedding day. And I love her as much as I did that last time I was with her a hundred years ago."

"No." I said firmly. Yet my voice was soft and loving. "You love her even more. You've lived without her—in pain—for a century, Edward. You know what life is like without her now. I know you would never give her up. You cherish her even more now that you've lost her once."

He was quiet.

"Am I wrong?" I said softly in his ear. His eyes fluttered as he exhaled and he closed them.

"I don't love you any less…" he whispered.

_But you love me no more than her_ I thought.

"I'm guessing she's not safe to be around?" The change of topic was abrupt and it seemed to throw him off for a second. He recovered quickly though.

"She feeds on animals, but I would prefer it if you would be with me when you see her."

Does he expect me to stand before his own wife while he protects me from her? I didn't think I wanted to meet her anyways.

He said he loved me. It was clear he had no intent on letting me go…_yet._ Eventually, I knew I would end up losing. For all I know, next week I could be packing to Hogwarts.

The thought sent waves of pain throughout me. It seems that good things can never last for me. It didn't matter. Even if I had one more night with him, I would feel like the luckiest girl in the whole universe. I already felt lucky enough to have met him and have been loved by him. One thing was for sure: the pain wouldn't be as bad as it had been with Cedric.

Maybe most of the pain with Cedric's had been because there was actually a future for us. We could have had so much together. And it was ripped away from us when he died. I was left empty handed—with nothing bright to look upon. No traces of sun to brighten the never ending gray days.

With Edward there was no future. Edward wasn't dead. I would be empty handed, but I knew that I would be giving so much for Edward's happiness. Edward would be happy with her. Anything that made Edward happy- up to some level- made me content.

"I love you Alex." He whispered when I became quiet. "Never forget that."

"I'm scared Edward…" I cried. I could tell I would be doing that a lot for the next few months. "I'm afraid of the future—not knowing what's going to happen."

"I am too, Melody. I'm terrified, but please don't desert me right now. There's one thing I'm most scared of right now and it's you leaving me."

Edward was there for me when he had needed me. Now it was my turn to be there for him and help him through the hard times he was going through. Even if it meant that he might send me away in the future. I owed him that much and I didn't want to leave him yet. I wanted as much time possible with him.

"I'll be here for you Edward." I promised.

"Thank you." He leaned his head back and I met his lips. I grew slightly panicked when I realized that our kisses were numbered. This propelled me to get a hold of his hair and kiss him desperately—as if I would get much needed air from his kisses. Tears ran down my cheeks when I realized it wasn't enough. My body trembled as loud sobs ripped throughout my body. Edward quickly switched our positions. Ugly sobs overtook me as I buried my head in Edward's neck.

"Y-you know…I still can't believe it when you said you loved me that first time…"

"Oh Alex…" He murmured, hugging me tighter and kissing my head.

"I love you too, Edward." I cried. "I love you so much that right now I'm hurting. I love you so much…"

I repeated the same thing over and over as I cried.

I was startled when I felt Edward's body tremble.

"Edward I-"

"Don't say anything Alex, please."

"I'd die for you Edward."

"I wouldn't let you." His voice was unsteady.

"I wouldn't ask for your permission."

"I'd stop you."

"I'd evade you."

"How?"

"I'm a witch."

"I'd threaten you."

"With what?"

"My death."

I took in a breath. He wouldn't do such a thing…would he?

"Surely there is a place for you and me in the afterlife?"

"And if there wasn't?" he challenged.

"We'd be together in spirit." I wish I could believe my own words.

Edward picked me up and carefully set me down on the ground where he laid next to me and held me close to him. I'd never noticed, but it had begun to snow. I remember looking into his eyes for an immeasurable amount of time. He stroked my cheek delicately and softly whispered for me to go to sleep.

**Edwards P.O.V. **

Alex slept with her head nestled into the crook of my arm. It seemed like it was the most peaceful sleep she had gotten in months. Here, in this little wonderland filled with snow, she looked like an angel: her white hair blending perfectly with the snow, spots of pink tainting her cheeks and tip of her nose then the rest of her skin pale—a perfect sleeping angel in the arms of a demon. She was a vision in white.

She was my angel, only mine. I couldn't give her up. So then what was I to do?

Time would tell I suppose.

For the mean time I observed as her chest rose and fell with each breath. I ran my hands delicately over the soft skin of her cheeks; they felt like satin. Unlike I, who was like rock, she felt like a life size rag doll…yet she seemed as delicate as a porcelain doll.

**Alex's P.O.V.**

I awoke when I felt Edward's nose skim across my neck. I drew in a slightly startled gasp.

"I'm sorry." He said still running his nose by my throat. "I didn't mean to wake you."

I let out a shaky breath, "We should get home."

"We should." He agreed, but didn't stop his motions.

"Edward?"

"Hmmm?"

"What time is it?"

Sighing he kissed my throat and pulled back. He looked at his watch. "It's five-thirty seven"

With a gasp I stood up. "I'm supposed to be at Hogwarts at six!"

Edward stood too, "Must you go today?" His voice was pleading.

"Yes I do. Lesson with Dumbledore remember? I have to be there."

"You'll come back right?" That's where his fear came from? Did he believe I would just leave him like that right now?

"Of course I will. Don't worry about that."

He stared at me then nodded. "I trust you."

"Thank you." I kissed his chest. In one swift motion, he picked me up and began running.

* * *

"You've been awkward all day." Harry said, coming to sit next to me in the empty common room. It was midnight and I had decided to stay for the night. I figured I needed time on my own to think. And I'm sure Edward wanted time with Bella.

It was still so odd for me; knowing that there was someone else in Edwards's life. It was odder knowing that Edward was married and that technically I was the "other woman".

"Have I?" I said tearing my gaze away from the fireplace.

"Yes you have. What's the matter?"

"The usual drama." I sighed.

"There's nothing usual about you Alex." He teased.

"It's Edward." I said abruptly. Heaven knows that I needed to talk about this.

"What did he do?" He was quick to get defensive.

"Oh he didn't do anything…he's just involved in the problem. He's a big part of it might I add."

"What is it?"

When I finished recounting Edward's past and what had just happened, all Harry was concerned about was me being too close to Bella.

"That's not the big picture Harry."

"It bloody hell is for me! Do you really think you should go back to Forks?"

"For now, yes. I'll probably be back in a few weeks. All I know is that I won't be living in Forks for long."

"What makes you think that?"

"Come on Harry. In the end, he's not going to give her up. I'll be the one out of luck." I said, "Regardless of what you say or he says or anyone for that matter says, Edward loves her more than he can ever love me. It makes sense. She was his first love—they married and all. But that's not the biggest thing. Edwards a good person—too good actually—so he tends to think of others more than himself. Edward's dead set against me becoming a vampire.

"He's already doomed Bella's life, so to say, by turning her into one like him. I'm positive that he thinks this. He's married to her. There's nothing binding him to me. So it's obvious he's going to keep the one whom he already has 'ruined' and leave the other escape from that same fate. He's going to think that it's the best for me."

A moment of silence.

"You really know him like the palm of your hand." He said quietly.

"I love him, so I'm observant."

"This hurts you more than you're letting show, huh?"

I hugged my knees to my chest and rested my chin on them.

"It's killing me…" I could only manage to whisper. My voice was too weak to go any louder.

He put his arm around my shoulder, "I'm sorry to say that this time, I can't say that everything is going to be alright."

"You see the same ending don't you?"

"I see you leaving on your own account. I know you sister and Edward would be mad if he ever personally sent you away. On the bright side, we need a good seeker right now."

Despite my stress and tears I laughed. Leave it to Harry to have his mind on quidditch. Truth be told, I missed playing.

"That sounds good." I said.

We heard someone's footsteps descend the staircase.

"Oh, Harry," Hermione stopped at the very bottom of the stairs looking slightly surprised, "I didn't think you'd be here. I saw Alex come down and got worried when she didn't come back up."

"Yeah, we should worry when she gets up from her bed at night. It usually means she's up to no good!" I gave a small smile.

Hermione glanced at me and saw my blotchy face. "Oh dear." she said.

"Hermione I think you should talk to her." Harry said, "You're better about feelings than I am."

"Hmm, I know that. Boys are so tactless!"

I don't think she was necessarily referring to all boys…more like one specific boy.

"Uhm…yeah, well goodnight." He turned and kissed my cheek, "You going to be okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm a big girl. Thanks for listening."

"I love you." One last hug and he was then saying goodnight to Hermione and going back to his dormitory.

"So which boy were you talking about?" I asked when I heard the dormitory door close.

Hermione quietly studied me, "What do you mean?"

I gave her an assuring smile, "Come one Hermione. I know you weren't referring to _all_ boys."

"It isn't of importance. Are you okay?"

"It's of importance to me. I need to keep up to date with what happens around here remember?"

"Really, it's nothing. What's the matter with you?"

"Just some problems back at Forks." I said averting my gaze elsewhere.

"What happened?"

"Does this have something to do with Ron?"

Her eyes flashed angrily at the name. "No! This had to do with you not telling me what's wrong with you!"

"Hermione you are always listening to my problems, I think that for once you should relieve yourself of them and not take in more!"

She sighed, "He's a fool. I just…I loathe him sometimes…"

"You loathe _her_—not _him_."

"Oh how I despise her!" She said suddenly, "She's just so…she's like gum—always sticking to his side!"

I laughed at that. I had seen the way Lavender clung to Ron. She wasn't in love—she was obsessed.

"How can you laugh?" She scowled at me.

"Because you're right—she does stick to him like gum on the bottom of his shoe! Don't worry…nothing lasts forever and they surely won't last any longer."

"She's all over him!" She said indignantly.

"Yes and you're jealous."

"I am not!"

Had it been someone else, she would have outrageously denied it. But she couldn't lie to me and she knew it.

"I've never been jealous before." She said quietly. "I don't know what it feels like."

"It feels like what you're feeling."

"How do you know?"

"I've been jealous before."

"Who would you ever be jealous of? If anything girls are jealous of you. You're beautiful."

"I'm flattered." I said, rolling my eyes.

"You _are_ beautiful." She repeated much more firm. I rolled my eyes again.

"_You're _beautiful, Hermione." I said taking the spotlight off of me.

"I'm not." She said looking down.

"Krum certainly thought so—McLaggen thinks so."

"Ugh." She closed her eyes at the name. I was well aware of her plain dislike for the boy.

"And I know that Ron thinks so. Or else the idea of you with Krum two years ago wouldn't bother him so much."

"Then why can't he see what's in front of him?" Tears fell from her face.

"It's not the right time." I said simply.

"So, meanwhile, I have to just sit here and drown in…jealousy?"

"You don't have to…you can try to move on."

"It's a horrible feeling—jealousy."

"Yeah, it is."

"When have you ever felt jealous?"

"Before, when I was with Cedric, remember Cho Chang had a thing for him?"

"You were jealous of her?" She seemed shocked.

"We had been hanging out for some time—Cedric and I—and I would see the both of them laughing together sometimes. They taught me jealousy."

She shook her head incredulously, "I would have never imagined that."

"I know. And with Edward, I've not been jealous until recently."

"When?"

"Over the summer."

"The summer? Who-" A knowing look crossed her features and a smirked bloomed on her tear stained face. "Fleur? Really Alex? Did you forget she is going to marry?"

"No I did not. But still I couldn't help it."

"Are those the only times you've ever been jealous?"

I thought about that.

Was I jealous of Bella right now?

Yes I was. Because she had what I could never completely have. She had Edward and his love. But with all my other emotions going wild I barely had enough time to think about jealousy. Now that I had been granted the chance I felt the impact of it.

The first time one experiences jealousy, it is overwhelming. It had been like that when I saw Cho with Cedric two years ago. This was even worse.

"Yes." I said emotionless, or at least I tried to sound that way.

"When?"

"Right now."

She looked confused. "Wait…could this have anything to do with your problems right now?"

I nodded.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

And so for the second time in this night, I told what was currently happening at Forks. When I finished, she seemed deep in thought.

"What are you thinking?" I said quietly.

"If he chooses her Alex… he's going to make the biggest mistake of his life."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because he's going to lose someone truly special. Alex, I've seen it with my own eyes, he adores you. He's over the moon with you. Not even my parents love each other as much as you two do. I don't see how he can love her more than he loves you. But I will say this: if he chooses her it won't be because he loves her more, but because he doesn't. It will be because he's going to feel compelled to stay with her."

"I think the same way. Edward likes to think with his head first and then with his heart."

"Things will brighten up for you Alex. After so much unhappiness, you deserve to have something good in your life."

"You guys _are_ the good things in my life. And so is Edward. But if I lost him and you guys, there would be no meaning any more. When the time comes, I'm going to need your support."

"You always have it." She said, hugging me.

I broke down again. I just wanted to go back to him and make time stop.

"I don't blame him—I completely understand him…" My voice shook. "But it's going to be horrible when the day comes in which I have to say goodbye. I don't think I could live through that!"

"You're strong Alex, don't let him break you."

That was impossible. He had complete control of me. He could break me into a million pieces if he wished. Without knowing it, he was already breaking me.

* * *

The next day I stayed until after dinner. It was somewhat nice to get away from that problem infested town. But I was already desperate to get back. And so, with haste, I said goodbye to Harry, Ron, and Hermione and was on my way to McGonagall's office to go back to Forks.

"Edward's going to have your head when he sees you." Frankie said the moment I appeared in the living room fireplace.

"Did I do something?" I said stepping out.

"Yeah, you stayed over even though you promised him to come back that very same day."

In that moment, the door burst open and in came a demented looking Edward.

"Don't leave." He said when he had me trapped in his arms. "Don't ever leave me like that!"

"Edward, it was only a day!" I said trying to get away from his grasp to breathe.

"Why didn't you tell me? I thought you-"

"I promised you I wasn't going to leave…I just needed some time to think. But I'm back okay? I won't be leaving you I promise."

It hurt to see that I made him so vulnerable.

He roughly pulled my face up so that he could capture my lips in a desperate kiss. I never minded when he was rough—it was rare. It was so different from his normally careful touches. But this time, I just couldn't put enough into the kiss. I was the first to pull away. The action seemed to have hurt him but he settled for encircling my waist with his arm and pulling me close to his chest.

"Well I can see there won't be any rolling heads, so I'll be leaving you two. I'm in my room if you need anything." Frankie said and headed up the stairs.

"I missed you." He said burying his face into my hair and inhaling.

"I did too, a lot." I placed my hands on top of his which rested on my waist and squeezed them. "I'm sorry for scaring you."

He let out a small hysterical chuckle. "Only you have the power to make me go crazy Alex. Because that's what happened to me today. I was crazy."

"I thought that you would want some time with Bella." Jealousy licked my heart like a flame at the very sound of her name.

His mood turned somber. "It was hard to have a conversation with any one, given the state you had me in."

An apologetic smile was all I could give. It was all he needed to pull me in for another kiss, this one much happier and equally urgent. Brightening my mood, I returned this kiss with as much fervor as him.

* * *

November passed in a tense atmosphere. We entered December and I decided to stay with Edward for his sake rather than going to the Weasleys. I had every intention on going so he could be with Bella, but he said he would like it better if I was here.

Things were complicated. Edward was torn between spending time with Bella and time with me. He always felt guilty with each other. Soon enough, for both of our sakes, I asked him to not go to my room at nights. He was hurt, but he understood. We went to school as always and Bella stayed at the Cullen's house. I hadn't seen her since the day she arrived. I had no urge to meet her.

Soon all of Edward's kisses and touches, though I had formerly loved them, now made me uncomfortable. I could tell he tried his hardest to act like there was nothing going on, but it wasn't something we could hide. I felt used every time he kissed me even though I had seen through his memories that through all of this time, Edward hadn't so much as held Bella's hand. The only time had been that day she came back. That brought more guilt to me. I was keeping them away from each other.

With everything going on in Forks, it was a breath of fresh air every time I went to Hogwarts. It was only natural that I jumped at the idea of going to Slughorn's Christmas party. I really needed some time away. Seeing as how Ron hadn't been invited, and I would sure as hell not go and ask some guy to the party, I decided to take Ron. To say he was grateful was an understatement.

At the party I quickly realized it had been a mistake though. He and Hermione had a horrible row. On the upside we knew that Malfoy was now for sure up to something. And Snape was part of it too.

**Edward's P.O.V.**

I snuck into Alex's room almost every night, today was no exception. She would be really upset with me if she woke up to find me here next to her.

She had grown distant. I couldn't blame her. I was driving her away every time I went to Bella. Likewise, I hurt Bella every time I rejected her advances.

Alex hugged a pillow close to her body as if it were a person. She had begun to do this when I stopped coming. How I wish she could hug me close to her instead.

My head turned sharply to the French doors as they opened.

Bella entered the room. And it didn't matter that I loved her—I moved to cover Alex's body with my own and hissed dangerously at Bella. She stopped, surprised at my reaction.

"Leave." I growled.

"I can control myself Edward." She said. My hostility had hurt her feelings. "I just want to see the object of your obsession."

"No." I wouldn't allow such danger to come near Alex.

It wasn't right for Bella, Alex, and I to be in the same room alone. I already felt guilty enough but this was just betraying Alex more than I had already done so.

"She's so small. I can't see a thing of her with your body. You completely cover her." She stood on her toes trying to look over me.

"Leave Bella. I won't allow any harm to come her way. You are not to come near a ten mile radius from her."

"What will you do if I don't leave? Would you really kill me?"

No I wouldn't kill her. I could never be capable of that, but I would protect Alex to death.

"Leave."

"Just let me see her."

Giving her a warning stare, I moved just enough to allow her a small look at her. Bella drew a bit closer to look at the small human nestled in my arms. Alex groaned and her small hand reached to tug at my shirt.

"She's a beauty Edward." Bella said clearly unhappy. "Didn't she have red hair?"

Her hair though still white it was short again, it had been easy to pass it off as if she had dyed it.

"She changes appearance at will." I said staring at Bella. I was wary of her right now. I couldn't hear her, I wasn't sure if she would try anything.

Having enough, I once again moved to cover Alex from Bella's view with my body.

"She looks so young, how old is she?"

"Sixteen."

"Really?" Her eyes widened at the revelation. "She looks fourteen."

She did look too young to be sixteen—I had noticed this before.

She looked around the room. Her eyes fell upon something beside me. "Who's that?"

I turned to see what she talked about and was met with a happy Alex and Cedric.

I will admit that once I was slightly jealous of the boy. I felt like he held all of Alex's affection. But I quickly got over it and accepted the way things were. After all I was glad to see that at least it looked like I made her really happy.

"Her ex-boyfriend." I said very calmly.

"She must love him if she still has a picture of him on her bedside table even though she's with you."

"She does love him. However, he died."

"Is this why she came here?"

"Yes."

"Does she love you?"

I didn't question Alex's love; she had shown me how much she loved me in almost every way possible.

"Yes." I said solemnly.

"Are you sure?" Her tone implied something else.

"Don't go there Bella, please."

"Edward, I'm not trying to make you hurt, but it seems to me like she's using you to forget him."

"She would never do such a thing. You don't know her."

"Edward… I'm going fight for you. I'm not willing to give you up. I still loved you more than my very own life. I will get you back no matter what I won't lose you to her. I don't even think she can love you as much as I do."

"Please leave." I said quietly.

There was only the sound of the closing door.

Bella's statement forced my thought to the direction I was trying to avoid.

In the end only one was going to stay. And the decision lay upon my shoulders.

I stroked Alex's cheek and a troubled smile appeared on her red lips.

"Please don't let me go." I whispered.

Despair gnawed at me. Everything had happened so fast I couldn't make sense of my thoughts or my feelings.

**Alex's P.O.V.**

"Will you come to see my family?" Edward said though the phone a day before Christmas. It was morning and I had just finished eating.

"Uhm…" I hesitated.

"She's out hunting." He said, already knowing the reason for my hesitance. "She's gone with Alice."

"Alright then, I'm on my way there."

"I'll pick you up."

"No, I want to drive my car. I haven't done so in a long time." He always took me to school.

"Alright." Said his disappointed voice.

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

Snow coated the streets of forks and it made the Cullen's home look like a dream. I parked my car in the garage.

Edward was already there, leaning against his car.

He opened my door and helped me out. As we kissed I felt like I hadn't felt in the longest time. It almost felt like things were back to normal.

"How are you?" He asked as he placed a hand at the small of my back and led me into the house.

"Alright—pretty neutral."

"Neutral." He repeated to himself.

"ALEX!" Emmet's booming voice called. Before he could envelope me into a crushing hug, Edward had pulled me behind him.

"Hey!" Emmett said indignantly.

"Don't break her." Edward scolded. He had been seriously worried as I had lately gotten thinner. Even he was afraid of holding me too tightly. So his hold on me was very loose most of the time.

_Overprotective fool_ was all that I could think. The thought always made me smile.

"I won't, but I want to hug my sister."

I walked around in front of Edward and hugged Emmett. He raised me off the floor and pulled me close to him.

"I've missed your presence in this house."

Everyone had joined us and were happily smiling.

"Emmett." Called Edward's warning voice.

"Fine." He scoffed and set me down.

The moment my feet touched the ground I ran to Esme and hugged her. She was startled, for I had never done something so abrupt. I had learned not to surprise vampires, but I couldn't help it. I hadn't seen her since Bella came.

"Oh Esme, I missed you." I whispered.

"I have too Alex, I felt like I had been missing a child." She hugged me tightly.

I moved on to Carlisle and hugged him too.

Finally I greeted Rosalie and Jasper.

We had a great time. All of us talked and put each other up to date. Esme had recently begun a new project in Seattle. She seemed very pleased.

It was the happiest I had been in a long time.

* * *

I was in the kitchen drinking some water when Edward came out of nowhere and began kissing my neck.

I giggled and chocked on the water.

"Jerk." I laughed when I stopped coughing.

"Hmm," He said I felt his tongue run over my throat, "You taste especially delicious today."

I heard wolf whistling come from the other room.

"Edward!" I laughed and tried to pull away. He wrapped his arms around my waist and put playful kisses all over my face.

"What's up with you today?" I said when I had finally gotten his attention.

"I'm happy." He shrugged.

I heard music come from the living room.

"Come. I came to see your family, not to make out with you in front of them." In spite of myself I made him lean down so I could give him a brief kiss that soon turned not so brief.

As we came out of the kitchen, happily hand in hand, I was pulled away from Edward and was suddenly waltzing around the room in Emmett's arms. Music came from somewhere in the room as we twirled all over the room and everyone laughed at the scene.

I had trouble keeping pace with him, so I constantly stomped on his feet—not that it had any effect on him.

"Come one Alex, work with me." He whined, concentrated.

"I can't!" I said. "You're too graceful!" I heard chuckles come from everyone. Suddenly the arms were replaced by less bulky ones. Jasper had taken hold of me.

"Hop on." he said. I placed my feet on his and he led me through the whole room.

"Hands off my girl, Jasper." Edward said. Without breaking the dance I was passed off into Edwards arms. Unlike the rest he slowed down so that I could fall into his step. Soon he went a bit faster and we gracefully glided around the vast living room.

"Get your own!" He called to Jasper.

I laughed at his childish behavior.

"You're very good at this you know." He murmured in my ear.

"Thank you; mind you, I haven't done this in a very long time."

"Where did you learn?"

"Cedric taught me." I said.

"Oh." He said, "He must have been a good teacher."

I didn't respond. I never liked to discuss Cedric with him. I felt like I hurt him when I talked about him.

"Will you show me?"

"No." I grinned.

"Why not?"

"There's no need to look back upon such memories. I'm too happy right now; you know it's still a touchy subject for me."

"You right, I'm sorry." He smiled. "There's no need." He dipped me unexpectedly. I couldn't help but laugh at his joyous expression.

Suddenly the door opened Alice and Bella entered the room and everyone stopped. Edward immediately pulled me upright. I held my breath as I took in the breathtaking creature that was Edwards's wife.

Edward stepped in front of me as everyone else moved in front of me too, to cover me from sight and harm. I couldn't see anything but the Cullen's backs.

"Calm down, she won't hurt her." Alice said slightly irritated.

"You wound my feelings. I've grown used to her smell Edward—you always arrive reeking of her smell." She tried to make it sound like a joke, though there was no joke.

"Come on Alex, let's get you home." Rosalie tried to guide me out of the house.

"Don't you think you should introduce us?" Bella asked.

"No." growled Rosalie.

"I think you should." I said quietly.

"Come Alex." Edward took my elbow.

I should just agree. But I didn't want to leave and make her feel like she had scared me away.

"No, don't you think you should introduce me to your wife?" I said. Edward frowned at me and silently begged me to not do it. I didn't budge.

"You know better than that Edward." Bella added.

Edward sighed but moved back enough to allow me to see her. When my eyes made contact with her own, I gasped. Not because they were devastatingly beautiful, not because they looked so much like Edwards own eyes.

It was because I remembered.

_The night was dark and cold and I walked along the edge of the forbidden forest, angrily kicking rocks as I went. _

_I was asking for trouble by just being near here, but I wasn't thinking about that. I was too furious to have any rational thoughts. _

_The last two weeks hadn't been kind to me I was getting hate from almost everyone in school for having 'cheated' my way into the Triwizard tournament along with Harry. Just now, I had finished having an ugly argument with a stupid Ravenclaw. _

_I quietly muttered curses under my breath as I began to go into the forest. I wouldn't go in too deep. I had said this to myself. After all, all the real danger was deep in there. I walked aimlessly in the black forest, not daring to make some light. The last thing I wanted was to attract unwanted creatures. _

_I walked angrily throughout the forest until I had calmed down. _

_I stopped to look around the forest. Everything looked exactly the same. _

"_Great!" I said to no one. _

_A laugh came from somewhere in the forest. I jumped in fright. My mind began to imagine what it could have possibly been. You never know what you may find in here. _

"_Harry?" I called out though I was sure it wasn't him. The laugh rang again. It was a woman. Maybe a centaur… The sound sent Goosebumps on my skin the voice was dangerously sweet and it frightened me. _

"_Who are you?" _

_There was silence—it was just as unnerving as the darkness. Unable to stand anymore of this blindness I uttered "Lumos." _

_The wand had barely cast its light when a woman's face showed up. There was an intake of breath from me and then she was on top of me and biting into the back of my neck. _

My body flinched when I was abruptly brought back to reality. Instinctively I shook my head as if to clear my thoughts and met the cold gaze of Bella Cullen.

"You!" I growled.

She had taken my life and now she was taking Edward from me. Rage bubbled in me and my hand twitched toward my coat pocket where my wand was.

A hand wrapped itself around my wrist. My eyes flashed towards Edwards who had noticed the slight movement in my hand.

"Let's go." he said gently.

"No!" I said pulling my hand away, but to no avail since Edward did not release me.

"Shouldn't you be dead?" Bella said.

"No, you should have been dead a hundred years ago."

**Bella's P.O.V.**

She thought she could come here and take my husband from me? She was sadly mistaken. I had fought too hard for Edward. I married him, I rejected my best friend, I changed for him, I looked for him for a century only to have him taken away from me by some insignificant human? I don't think so.

For so much time, I had looked at Edward and noticed how plain I was next to him. I had wanted to be turned, to be an equal to him and now that I was finally worthy of someone as beautiful as him, I would let it be taken away from me by this girl.

When I had seen her that day, I attacked her. I was surprised to find that it was the very same girl that I had attacked two years ago.

That night I would have finished her off had I not heard two more people arriving. This whole wizard thing was so new to me; I had aimlessly wandered into the small town of Hogsmeade. Of course it didn't come as a surprise that I was amongst witches and wizards. True, I didn't know that they existed, but I'd seen too much in my human life to not believe it.

_I was thirsty and I had wandered around the outskirts of the town. I came across an old abandoned shack. Curiosity had filled me so I went in. No one had been there in some time, but I could still faintly smell the different scents. One of them stood out the most to me. Despite its faintness, it was the most wonderful scent I had ever come across. It was hard to resist it. Mindlessly, I began to follow the faint traces until I was led to an underground tunnel which I eagerly followed. That's where the scent disappeared. The earth had taken it away, which meant that this person had a long time since they had been here. _

_It didn't all go to waste; I was met with a splendid castle. I had never seen anything as such. It was beautiful. What struck me the most was that it was inhabited by millions of humans. I could hear many heartbeats and smell a wide diversity of scents. None as incredible as the one I had been following though. _

_Filled with awe and curiosity, I went into the edge of the woods and went around observing everything around me. After some time I decided to head inside the woods. Maybe I would find something to calm down the fire in my throat. It was almost unbearable and that scent was still very present in my mind. Very soon though I smelt that very same smell I had been in search of. _

_I ran towards it, my throat burned with such intensity that I had never felt before. I stopped to see a small red haired girl who was very clearly lost. _

_I laughed malevolently as I realized that she wouldn't find her way back. _

_She jumped and pointed a wooden stick in front of her, but her magic wasn't enough for my fast movements. I also had the darkness to my favor. _

"_Harry?" She called with a tremor in her voice. I laughed again at the poor girl. _

"_Lumos." She said and immediately her wand tip ignited. I moved fast and launched myself onto her. She had no time to react, but as I fell on her she twisted in such way that I bit the back of her neck. Regardless of this I drank. Her blood was sweeter than any animal—it was sweeter than the past five humans I had killed on accident. There was nothing in this world as good as the taste of this girl's blood. _

_My head snapped up when I heard the footsteps of two humans. They were very close to me by now. There wasn't much left of the girl, but it still was a pity that I had to leave her. I could see a light approaching I had to leave for I might not run with the same luck. I didn't know the extent of a wizard's power and I didn't want to find out tonight. I left the way I had come. And I never stepped foot there again. _

I didn't think she would have survived—there was almost nothing left of her blood. I didn't see how she could have changed into a vampire with so little blood.

I looked at her. She wasn't a vampire, yet. But were it not for her heart beat she could have passed off for one. If I looked back to that day then, I will admit that she was a pretty girl, but still no prettier than the average human.

Now as I saw her I noticed the changes. She was too lovely to be an ordinary human. I couldn't pin point what the change had been, but there had definitely been a change in her appearance that made her appear as an angel. Yet I saw flaws. A scar that was placed upon the right side of her forehead, her eyes were slightly too big for her small face. Permanent dark shadows took residence under her eyes. Her top lip was very slightly bigger than her bottom one. Yet these flaws only served to enhance her childish beauty.

Next to Edward, it was hard to decide who was more beautiful.

And I cursed her for not dying that night. But it was of no matter—I wouldn't let her take my husband from me. Edward was mine only.

**Alex's P.O.V.**

My breaths were heavy as I continued to glare at Bella. She looked me over quickly before giving me a taunting smile.

"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you." She said.

I took a step forward and was instantly picked up and swung over Edwards shoulder.

"Put me down!" I screamed as he walked out of the house. When he didn't respond, I began hitting his back.

"Enough Melody!" He said sternly he stopped in the garage. As soon as he set my feet onto the ground I slapped his hands away and got into the car angrily.

I was enraged. How could I not? That monster was the reason for which I was stuck at fourteen. Not only did she take that from me, but suddenly she comes here and tries to take the reason for my existence from me. I wanted to kill her and put her ten feet under the ground, which is where she should have been for the past century.

I forgot to lock the other side of the car. By the time I realized this, Edward was already inside.

"How do you know her?"

"I don't know her. Now get out."

"Alex ,I know that you do."

"She's you're wife! That's how I know her!"

"Tell me the truth!"

"Get out of the car Edward." I said turning on the engine. He didn't move but kept glaring at me.

"I have a right to know."

"You have don't have shit over anything that has to do with me! Now get out of the car or so help me I will get you out myself!"

We both fell into shocked silence. Never had our arguments turned into something like this. Already, I could see the barrier Bella was forming between my relationship with Edward.

I felt warm fingers brush my cheeks. I felt the damp of my tears and I bit back sob.

"I'm sorry." Said his normal gentle voice.

"Whatever." I hastily wiped away my tears.

"We promised, Alex." He said trying to be reasonable. "We promised to tell each other everything."

I shook my head. "They were just words Edward. I have learned not to trust meaningless words maybe you should try the same."

"Those words weren't meaningless to me."

"All words are meaningless. They aren't to be trusted….get out."

I looked out the windshield as he leaned over and kissed my head.

_You said you loved me. But in the end those words won't matter anymore. _

"Won't you tell me?" He quietly begged.

"If you really want to know Edward, then ask your wife. I'm sure she remembers more than I do anyway." My voice was bitter and full of hatred.

Edward quietly stepped out of the car.

"I'm sorry." He said once more. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"Yeah well like I just said…they're just words Edward."

Without a second glance at the wounded man I was leaving behind, I pulled out of the garage and left the Cullen house. My hands shook on the steering wheel as I came to the realization that I had more or less been kicked out of the house by Bella, and that was because I was taking her place. There wasn't room for me in there. The same way there wasn't room in Edwards's heart for me.

Love, I thought bitterly, the torment and delight of my life.

* * *

**okay so hows that?**

**you make sure to tell me **

**:)**

**-airali**


	28. tainted love

**well a million thanks to my beta istas isi you are amazing **

**:)**

**well you guys enjoy **

**

* * *

******

Edwards P.O.V.

My eyes beheld her as she retreated to her car and soon left the house and me behind. Regret stupefied me and made me incapable of moving as I kept looking at the empty driveway that she had just departed.

Curious as I was to now she knew Bella, I was more concerned about the intensity of our argument. We had argued before, but never like this. I had never lost my temper and shouted back; usually that was just her. I had never been angry at her, but today I was.

How could she not have told me something as important as this? What else has she been hiding from me? Why would she do it?

I felt as I did when I first met her: Always full of questions. It wasn't a feeling I enjoyed. It was unnerving and maddening. I shouldn't be going through this though. Alex should have told me about this—she had promised. So many times I had asked her to trust me and to tell me everything; I don't think I ever did anything for her to not trust me. To say that it hurt wasn't an understatement. I didn't know what to do anymore for her to trust me. It seemed hopeless to try anymore. Yet I wasn't capable of giving up on her so easily.

But if she wasn't going to tell me how she met Bella, then I would have to find out from someone else. Finding my legs I hurriedly made my way back into the house. My family all looked at me worriedly; all of them worried at the scale that our argument had reached.

"How do you know her?" I looked directly at Bella and attempted to compose myself and rid my face of any expression.

She knew better than to stall for she immediately answered. "She came across me while I hunted. Obviously you saw the effect she has on me. It was hard to resist." Her careless tone said she didn't even attempt to try and resist. My nostrils flared. Otherwise it was impossible to recognize my anger towards both women at the moment. She glanced at me and immediately averted her gaze to the window behind me.

"I'm surprised she wouldn't have told you. To tell you the truth, I thought she was dead. There was so little blood left."

An image of Alex passed through my thoughts. Her small body lay on the forest floor at complete mercy of the sadistic vampire crouching before her. Never had she been as pale as she was now. A pulse barely ran throughout her. Her heart was slow and faint. She had already passed out. She still held that odd beauty of hers, but now it wasn't odd. It wasn't indescribable. It was extreme human beauty. Never had she seemed so human. Her lips were as white as her skin; the soft shiny hair I had known wasn't so emphasized.

I'd seen pictures of her younger self, of course, but I had passed off her sudden change as something associated with puberty. It no longer seemed like that was the reason.

The image vanished.

_Had I just seen into Bella's mind?_

Before I could ask she answered, "It's my gift. I'm a shield."

Ah, I had heard of those before. I didn't let the knowledge distract me.

"What made you stop?"

She looked at me. "I heard others coming…wizards. I left her there because I figured that with so little blood she wouldn't survive. Doesn't seem like that worked."

"But she isn't a vampire." Carlisle said. For a moment I had forgotten my family was here.

"She's only half."

Rosalie was the last person that I would have thought would know, but she was the one that answered Carlisle's question.

"How do you know?" I looked at her. She had a deep glare etched in her face. I myself sent a glare her way, demanding her to talk.

"Because she told me." I wanted to tear the smugness from her tone.

"Why would she tell you?"

How could Alex confide something this big in her but not in me? What the hell was I doing wrong?

"Maybe because she's closer to me."

"Please," I scoffed. "Are you going to tell me you're her lover?"

"Edward, it's not my fault she doesn't trust you enough to tell you something like this. Really, I don't blame her. Hardly anything passes through your thick skull. You would never understand it."

"Why didn't she tell _me_?" Alice quietly spoke.

"Because you would have told Edward. Come on Alice, we all know how hard it is for you to keep your mouth shut; especially since you're so close to Edward." Jasper growled at Rosalie and Emmett immediately tensed—ready to defend his mate. The anger was all around us and if we didn't control ourselves someone would get hurt.

"Enough!" Carlisle said firmly. Esme looked alarmed at the hostility that the whole family was emitting. "Rosalie, if you're going to say something, do so in a civilized manner."

"There are a million things I want to say," She glared at me and Bella. "But they're not worth the unneeded oxygen I'm going to waste."

She began to head out.

"Rosalie." My voice was sharp. She immediately turned and gave me a warning glance.

_Do not talk to me in that tone. _

Ignoring the thought I said, "What did she tell you?"

"You think I'm going to tell you?" She snorted. "Go and solve this with her."

And that is exactly what I would do.

From the corner of my eye I saw Alice stiffen. I searched her mind to see what she was looking at—it wasn't hard.

Alex was pulling to the side and screaming angrily.

"Just my bloody luck!" She said when the car turned off. "Fuck!" She kicked the dashboard angrily.

I blinked as the vision came to an end. I knew where she was stranded and I was already going out the door.

"Edward!"

Bella was immediately in front of me. The rain fell on her face as she looked up with a begging expression.

"Please, just stay with me…I missed you."

A part of me wanted to accede and stay here to make her company and love her the way she deserves to be loved. That part of me longed for me to be her loving husband—the one I had promised to be. But there was a domineering part of me that told me that one, I needed to go and help Alex and two, I needed to talk to her and get everything sorted out.

"I…" It was hard to say no to her, given the way she was looking at me. "I can't..." I finished by exhaling. "I have to talk to her now."

Before she could say anything else I fled like a coward and ran towards the direction in which Alex was at.

Why would she be there anyway? It was far beyond where her house was situated.

As I came nearer, I saw her Volvo. Alex was sitting back with her arms crossed and staring blankly at, I suppose, the rain. Once again I noticed she had failed to lock the car, therefore I easily slid into it. She made no acknowledgement that she had noticed my entrance. She didn't even blink.

"Out of gas?" I tried to lighten her mood, though it would be awfully difficult.

I had always been able to easily ease her anger towards me. This time it was easy to tell that it wouldn't be like that.

"Why did you come all the way here?"

Again, there came no reply from her pursed lips.

I took a hold of one of her hands and kissed it, but she immediately snatched it back.

"Stop it." Her tone was annoyed and it hurt. She had never stopped my advances in such a cold way.

"Talk to me." I pleaded.

"I'm thinking _Anthony._" She said sternly.

"Yeah, and it drives me crazy not knowing what is going on in there. The least you can do is talk to me."

"Well, I'm not going to."

"You're doing it right now."

"Get out of here."

"I was under the impression you needed gas." I smirked. It got me nowhere.

"I'll call Frankie. Right now I want some alone time."

"And right now I want an explanation." I tried to keep calm, but she was making it extremely difficult for me.

"I don't have to explain myself to you." She snapped.

"Why would you tell Rosalie and not me?"

"Because Rosalie understood me, whereas you wouldn't."

"How do you know that?" What wouldn't I understand?

She snorted. "I know you too well Edward." She turned to glare at me. "It would have been just another excuse not to turn me."

I laughed cynically. "So this is what it's all about in the end? About your mortality?"

"Yeah, I bet it looks like that to you."

Not wanting to see her face, I settled for watching the droplets that fell against the windshield. "Maybe I'd look at it differently if you explained yourself."

"You wouldn't understand." From the corner of my eye I saw her look down and shake her head.

"Then help me understand."

"Edward," She paused and took a deep breath. "I'm mad, I'm tired, I'm hungry, and I'm in no mood to talk to you or be in your presence right now."

I suppose I deserved that and the hurt that ran throughout me. I'd done so many wrongs to her and she would obviously blow up eventually.

"Can I take you home?" It was the least I could do after what I was putting her through.

She hesitated for a moment, but in the end she acceded and allowed me to help her out of the car and rush her into mine.

The ride to her house was quiet. I stopped the car at the driveway and turned to look at her. Already she was making her way out of the car.

"Alex." Her hand stopped on the handle; hesitantly she turned to look at me.

"I'm sorry." It was an earnest apology, but it wasn't enough to be rewarded with indulgence.

She sighed and then got out of the car. As she arrived to the door she turned around, and returned my small smile with a sad one of her own and quickly disappeared through the door. I sighed and listened for a bit. Frankie wasn't home and I could hear Alex rummaging around the kitchen.

After a while she turned quiet and sat on the couch. With that, I headed back to where her car was to bring it back to her.

**Alex's P.O.V.**

I gave up on the idea of cooking something the moment I opened the drawer with spoons in it. I settled for just taking an apple and curling up on the living room couch.

It was hard being with Edward. I had never felt so defenseless. Not even against Voldemort had I ever felt as weak as I now felt against Bella. I should have left the moment she came back, but I would do just about anything that Edward asked of me. I would bring down the stars for him. And so when he asked me to stay with him I did so without a second thought.

The decision was slowly but surely killing me. But we always choose what is bad for us. It is, unfortunately, in our nature. Edward wasn't good for me, nor was I for him. We knew it, yet we went above and beyond that. Now, at least, I was suffering those consequences. A part of me regretted meeting him. He would bring about my destruction. Cedric's didn't do it; he was the one to fill the cup. Edward was the drop that would spill it.

With every day that passed, it was getting more painful being around him. And now, with what just happened…Edward wouldn't hate me for keeping it from him. No, he was much too good for that, but it hurt him—that much I knew. And that was enough for me to beat myself up and cause me further torment.

How would I look at him when he said goodbye? Because he would choose the better woman for him and Bella was the better woman. She had changed for him, she didn't hurt him with her mere scent and she had already taken his heart—he would definitely choose her over me. How was I expected to live through that? Just how many times a can a heart be broken and still be expected to beat? I do not know, but I know that if I keep taking the wrong decisions I will soon find out.

And through my tormenting thoughts, I remembered that first day I saw him. The murderous yet frightened look he had managed to give me before he hurriedly exited the room.

The memory of that fateful day made my bad side overtake me and it made me hate Edward Cullen for being put on my path. I hated to love him and I hated him for loving me in return. At the moment he had become the worst thing that could have ever happened to me.

In that moment I hated everyone around me. I hated Cedric for leaving me; I hated Frankie for offering to bring me here. I hated Dumbledore for agreeing. I hated everyone that encouraged me to go. I hated Sirius for leaving Grimmauld Place. I hated Alice for asking me to be Edwards's friend. I hated Rosalie for being so supportive. I hated everyone that had approved of Edward, because they hadn't cared enough to see how much he would mess me up; Because not one of them tried to keep me from him. I hated Harry for listening to me. I hated him for taking spontaneous decisions that I would always back up. I hated my parents for bringing me into such a miserable world when all I wished for right now was death. I hated Voldemort for all he took from me and for all the times he had failed to do me in.

Yet, despite all the hate inside me, I didn't move a finger. I let it all burn at my insides and eat me alive as I had often done in my greater days of solitude and sorrow. Because as always, I deserved the feeling I was getting. Because of all the people that I hated in the end, it was me whom I hated the most. I hated myself for every one of my idiotic decisions. I hated myself for hating so many people. I hated myself for blaming everyone for my own faults. Hate is a sin, and I had to pay the price with this pain. Boy was it proving hard to endure it.

Frankie was my salvation; a few hours later he returned from work.

"What you watching?" He asked when he arrived.

"Television." I said lamely.

"Oh." He began to make his way upstairs when I heard him stop.

"How about turning the TV on?" There's the sarcasm that made me pop a small smile.

"I don't want to watch what's on TV." I said.

"Okay, let me go dump my things in my room and then you and I will talk. I can sense the need for one."

I didn't say anything. There wasn't a need to talk; it was the last thing I wanted to do. But my hate had toned down with the hours. Talking was the least I could do seeing as not too long ago I had hated him with all my heart.

He was back quickly. He settled himself next to me wrapped and arm around my shoulders. I felt mean when I shook off his arm, but I couldn't stand any sort of contact at the moment.

"Okay…" He said when I shook him off. "Does you're ill mood have something to do with a certain penny head?"

I almost laughed at Edwards's nickname.

"Yeah you could say that."

"What happened?"

"Ugh," I groaned. "It's just…well, I officially met his wife today…"

"He took you to see her?" The disbelief in his face was comical.

"No," I scoffed. "But we ran into her at his house. And you know I just had an argument with Edward and well, I just don't want to see him right now."

He gave a low whistle. "Never in a million years did I think I would ever hear you say that. Your argument must have been pretty bad."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Are you hungry?"

"No, I'm tired." I lied and headed upstairs to my room.

For hours I laid on my bed trying to form coherent thoughts, but they were all over the place. None were clear enough to make any sense of and when they did become clear I suddenly changed my train of thought to thoughts that had no relation to each other whatsoever. If Edward could hear my thoughts he would go mad right now.

The dark engulfed the light as night fell on the town of Forks. In the time I had been scattered on my bed, I had only heaved myself from it to change my clothes and grab another apple. Then I took my previous position. I felt better now. I wasn't mad—that was definitely something.

I truly was tired, but now I wanted to talk to Edward. My bad side won battles but not wars. Now I wanted Edward at my side. I wanted his embrace and his kisses.

I debated whether I should call him or not, but then a thought came to me.

I seriously doubted that he had done as I had asked and stayed away from my room. He must have come sometimes. There were times when I woke up at night and had the strange feeling that I was being watched. No doubt it was Edward.

So this time I stayed awake, waiting to see if he would come. By midnight I had begun to lose hope. Then sometime around one as I was drifting into a light slumber I felt a gush of cold air. Having my back toward the balcony doors, I smiled.

I knew my Edward like the back of my hand.

**Edward's P.O.V. **

I was sure that she was sleeping, or else I wouldn't have gone up. But as soon as I entered her room, I realized that the deep breaths that indicated she was asleep were gone. Instead, I heard her heart beat speed up and her breathing remained even but not deep.

Surely she knew who it was, but I still turned back to make my way out. It was the second time she caught me in her room when I was unwanted. What was happening to me?

"Stay." She ordered when I opened the door again. Her soft yet commanding voice sent shivers down my spine. Was she still angry at me? I hoped not or else I wouldn't hear the end of this.

I kept my eyes on her shape as I closed the door. She hadn't moved a single inch. If I was human I would have thought she was sleeping.

"About time you got here. I was beginning to think you wouldn't come." I was surprised to hear that there was nothing negative in her voice—just tired happiness. I became relaxed and overjoyed instantly. It was amazing how such little things she did could make me burst with happiness. To this day I couldn't understand how this innocent little witch could have so much control over me.

She turned her body and looked at me. The hardness that I had last seen in her eyes was gone, and just a guilty pleading look was left behind—one that no angel should wear.

She patted the spot next to her. Very willingly, I rushed into her bed and held her to me. It had been too long since I had been able to do this. Her actions around me had become hesitant and unsure. She hadn't held to me like this in a long time and I wasn't surprised to find that I had been in dire need of this love that she had kept from me.

For now, I felt like the old Alex had come back and I hoped she would stay. The hope was useless though, because I knew that she wouldn't remain for long. Tomorrow she would be back to the unsure girl she had become.

"I'm sorry." Her voice was low and steady.

"Don't apologize…just explain to me why."

"To tell you the truth…I don't know why I didn't tell you at first. But then I realized that if I told you, you would say no when I asked you to turn me. Why would you say yes if there was no need? You would do anything to make me keep as much of my humanity as possible." She looked up at me with wide eyes. "Isn't that true?"

She knew me too well. I wanted to tell her no, that it wasn't true. But I knew that it was true and so did she. My silence confirmed her thoughts.

"But if you got what you wanted, then why would you want to turn into a full vampire?"

"Because I'm still vulnerable to you. You could still easily end my life. You know it—my smell is a constant reminder of it. It's something that you would have to battle for eternity. It would be a constant barrier between us and I certainly don't want to have to go through that forever."

I could see her reasoning now. And I could understand why she would feel the need to keep this from me.

"I don't want you to hurt forever Edward." Her voice became a mere whisper. "I don't want you to be in pain every time you kiss me—every time you're near me. I don't want that."

"I prefer my pain to yours Alex. I would never want to share the life I have with you because it's hard. I know it; I lived through the hardest years and you don't deserve that."

"You and I have very different views on what I do and don't deserve. Moreover, if you lived through it then I can do it too… I understand the consequences that my choice will have, but all I want is to be your equal and to have a healthy relationship with you."

She was too blinded by what she wanted to see—that it wouldn't be all rainbows. She wouldn't hate me for subjecting her to my life. She was too good to hate me, but it would kill me to see what I had done to her.

The thoughts distracted me from forming response to what she had said.

"I don't regret not telling you. I just regret that you found out. You weren't meant to find out…ever." Well, at least she was being honest now.

I would have expected so. I never thought she would think of telling me. In her mind it probably didn't matter.

"I'm glad I found out. It's unnerving knowing that Rosalie was aware of this but not me."

"Well I had to tell someone. And it would have made Rosalie understand why I was doing it. She was upset about my decision."

"I'm upset at your decision of not telling me."

She looked down with an apologizing smile. "I can't please everyone."

Despite myself I chuckled. "I suppose that's true. But you could have pleased me instead of her."

"That's selfish Edward!" She playfully scolded me.

"It should come as no surprise to you to know that I am essentially a selfish creature."

Her look became measuring as she ran a soft finger down my jaw.

"It's in the nature of any organism to be selfish Edward. You're selfish, I'm selfish. There are just those that…embrace that flaw more than others. You're not one of them. If you were, your selfishness would have compelled you to kill me in exchange for my blood…"

A shudder ran through me at the thought of it.

"You just have to learn to master your selfishness. Very few are capable of it, but you are very nearly there. I can see it in you."

With a soft speculative smile, I leaned towards her face and softly ran my nose and cheek over her lovely face, pressing soft kisses on her cheeks, forehead, and eyelids. Her warm breaths connected with my cold skin and created a wonderful feeling. Her heartbeat sped up as my breath fanned across her face, she softly inhaled it.

"Deceiving little witch." I murmured in a teasing tone against her satin skin. "What have you done to me? Your beauty blinds me and makes me helpless. It leaves me at you're complete mercy."

She turned her face to place a soft kiss upon my cheek. "I'm afraid I have stolen you. You are no longer your own person; you are a part of me."

Reaching the corner of her crimson lips I whispered. "I love you as my own flesh…"

I understood now what Edward Rochester had meant when he uttered those words. I knew how he had felt. I couldn't help but think that our situations were fairly similar. Oh the irony.

She turned her face to meet my lips in the most emotional kiss we had shared since Bella returned.

"In fact," I whispered against her lips, "I do not even love my own flesh as much as I love you."

"I was truly blessed and cursed the moment you crossed my path Edward Cullen." She said with a short laugh. "To love you is to love pain but it is also to love, Love itself. I'll take it all—the good and the bad—if it means I can have you and love you for even one more hour…"

Somewhere deep inside me I knew this worried me greatly. But in that moment the feelings on the surface were the ones I gave into with immense pleasure.

We spent a bit more time basking in loving touches and words that we had denied each other for far too long. We hadn't felt this free in a very long time.

Finally, after singing for her, she drifted into a calm slumber. Her head rested on my chest as my arm wound around her to keep her close to my body. A relaxed smile painted her lovely expression. I thought about what she had told me tonight. She didn't deceive when she said she loved me, for if she did she would not be willing to give into a painful life just so I could be free of pain around her. How could God let this little creature remain with me when she was in so much danger of becoming a demon like me?

Bella's face came into my thoughts; an image of who she had been and what she became all because of me. Would I do that for Alex too?

With repugnance, I reminded myself that it was not the time to consider ruining Alex's life further. Given the circumstances, I doubted she still sought for joining me in a full life of vampirism.

No, I could not allow myself to have such thoughts when there were bigger things at hand.

**Alex's P.O.V.**

"It really is a small world." I said as I swallowed a piece of strawberry filled crepe. I had finally taken him up on the offer of taking me to breakfast. "To begin with, I never knew who my attacker had been until Bella arrived."

"What do you mean?" He interrupted scrunching up his face in a questioning expression.

"I had no recollection of what happened when she attacked me. I just remember waking up in the hospital wing, which isn't uncommon for me" I smirked at myself and Edward shook his head in mocking disbelief.

"Dumbledore explained to me what had happened and he told us of the existence of vampires. Harry knows about my situation too, naturally. After I realized how deep my feelings ran for Cedric, I told him too."

I pursed my lips and frowned. I shouldn't have told him that.

"I think the reason you don't feel cold to me is because of that. It's also the reason for that thing I can do with memories. But it really hasn't affected me negatively."

"Isn't it odd that you could remember anything, but you couldn't remember that night you were attacked?"

"Yeah, I thought about it often, but I could never come up with a reasonable explanation for it."

"So you remembered when you saw Bella?"

"Yeah, I remembered my reason for being there…and I think Bella's own memories helped me piece together my own."

"Why were you there?"

"I was taking an angry walk. I had just had a major discussion with some Ravenclaws that were insulting me because they were under the belief that Harry and I had cheated our way into the Triwizard tournament. That year almost the whole school turned on us. So being the reckless fool I am, I walked into the Forbidden Forest. Boy, did I learn my lesson that night!"

I sighed as I began having 'what if' thoughts.

"I will tell you this Edward: I disliked your wife to begin with, but now I hate her."

"That's to be expected." He ran his hand through his hair as he looked down at the table. "I wasn't expecting you to be best friends with her. Definitely not, but this revelation apparently seemed to worsen the situation…"

"I'm over it. What's done is done and there's no point to mope about it."

I could feel Edwards gaze on me as I used my fork to play with a stray strawberry.

"Exactly what made you mad yesterday?"

I didn't expect him to ask me that. I set down my fork and rested my elbow on the table and leaned my head on my hand.

"Well to begin, I was mad that you stopped me from causing her some serious damage. But really, I just felt like you were kicking me out of the house when you carried me out. It made me feel horrible."

"I didn't mean-"

"I know." I cut him off. "I know you were just trying to avoid a fight. Don't worry, I'm over it. It just made me mad at the moment. I didn't have coherent thoughts. You would never kick me out of your house; you're too much of a gentleman to do that. And I forgive you for not letting me hurt her."

"The thought of you physically hurting a vampire is comical you know." He smirked.

"I bet it seems comical to you lot." I sighed and leaned back. Looking around the restaurant, I caught the waitress eyeing Edward suggestively. "Okay I'm done can we go?"

Edward raised a stern eyebrow at me and nodded over to my unfinished food.

"If I eat it, I'm going to throw it up." I warned, but still picked up my fork ready to take another bite. Edward's hand stopped me.

"Fine." He said in defeat. I grinned widely at him and he rolled his eyes.

And then the damn waitress arrived almost running. Her big appreciative smile was set on Edward as she asked if we were done.

"Yes were done." I said brusquely and Edward left the money on the table. I immediately took his hand and began to make my way out with him following.

"Have a nice day!" She called. I took a deep breath as Edward politely responded to her.

Chuckling, he wound his arm around my waist, pulled me in and kissed my head.

"Come on my little time bomb." He teased.

He watched as I put on my seatbelt. When I looked up at him he was grinning.

"You like it don't you?" I said, guessing the reason behind his coy smile.

"What?"

"You like to see me jealous."

"Of course I do. It brings me great pleasure to see how possessive of me you are." I laughed and shook my head at him.

"Would you accompany me to the mall?" he said. "I've been meaning to go for some time now."

"Then why didn't you ask Alice? She would be delighted to come."

"Yes, but Alice would bring along a camping tent with her."

I laughed. I could believe it. "Okay then."

"Seriously Edward? More music?" I said as we headed into the music store.

"One can never have enough music."

"True."

As he became immersed into the latest music I wandered away from him and looked around. I wondered if he'd noticed, but the man loved his music so there was a possibility that he hadn't thought it likely.

"Hi." Said a male voice from behind me. I turned to see a friendly looking guy with mousy brown hair and plain black eyes. I'd say he was sixteen at the least. "I'm Erin."

"Alex." I said smiling as I shook his hand.

"Nice…you like Franz Ferdinand?" He nodded over to the shelf I had been observing.

"I'm not familiar with them to tell you the truth."

"Oh they're good. You should listen to them."

"Thanks."

I could tell he was looking for a something to start a conversation with me. Seeing as how I liked him and I was in a good mood I decided to help him out.

"So, are you alone?" I asked turning back to him. He responded enthusiastically, happy that I was cooperating, I suppose.

"Nah, I come with some friends, but I ditched them. They're over there."

He pointed to the store across from here, a comic store, but I couldn't see the friends he was talking about.

"You're not a comic's guy?" I guessed.

"I am, but I like music much more. What about you, are you alone?"

"No, she's with her boyfriend." A slightly menacing but otherwise calm voice said from behind me. Edward came to my side and wrapped his arm around my waist. Erin's eyes roamed to where Edwards arm was at.

"Erin, this is my boyfriend, Edward." I said, though I doubted that Erin wanted to know. Edward nodded tersely at him.

"Oh…" He said. Just then, someone called him from outside. We all turned to look and we saw who I suppose were his friends. Erin turned back to me and smiled. "Well I have to go, but maybe I'll see you around?"

"Yeah, maybe, nice meeting you."

He smiled again and glanced at Edward then left.

I turned and smiled hugely at Edwards scowl. "I see why you like it when I get jealous." His mood was slightly uplifted, but he was still irritated as we went throughout the mall.

"What's wrong with you?" I said after some time.

"Everyone's staring…" He grumbled.

"I would have thought you would be used to that?"

"Yes, I'm used to the staring girls…and the occasional guy, but you just can't help but draw attention to yourself can you?" He jokingly glared at me.

"Oh, so this is the reason we barely ever come to the mall, huh?"

"No, I love to show you off!"

I laughed.

"But it's time to go home." He said and we walked out of the mall.

Edward parked his car on the driveway and turned to look at me.

"Close your eyes." He said. Giving him a suspicious look, I did as I was told. Seconds later I flinched as something cold made contact with the warm skin at my neck.

Then I felt his lips on mine. "I don't know what you're going to think of it, but I thought you should always carry him with you." He whispered. "Open your eyes."

He smiled and gestured for me to take a look in the mirror.

It was an ornate silver key, with a silver heart sitting on top of it. It was held by a long thin silver chain. It was beautiful, but I didn't understand what he had meant. He sensed my confusion and he leaned over to me.

"May I?" He said reaching to the chain. I nodded and I observed as he pried open the heart on top of the key. It was a locket, I realized. He gestured for me to look at it. A knot formed in my throat when I saw a smiling Cedric inside of it. I had reached the point where I could look at Cedric's pictures without breaking down. Every time I saw his face, something inside me pulled, but it didn't make me so sad anymore. Right now, the source of my emotion was that it had come from Edward.

"The necklace was just a container for the real present, the wrapper you could say. I talked to Frank so that he could get me a picture of Cedric. It took some time, but finally we got a response and a picture from his parents."

"Oh Edward…" I whispered. The other side of the locket was empty. "And where are you?"

"I'm here." He said smiling.

Taking his hand I placed it upon my heart. "You're here. But I still want you in here." I pointed to the necklace. Before he said anything else I leaned in and kissed him.

"Merry Christmas..." He murmured against my lips. With a gasp I pulled back.

"It's Christmas!" I exclaimed, shocked that I had forgotten. Edward laughed.

"No normal human forgets that it's Christmas Alex."

"Vampires do?"

"Well after many decades it blurs…especially when there's nothing to ask for."

I kissed him again and smiled. "Thank you. I loved my incomplete present. You were one picture short."

He laughed. "I wasn't sure if you would want me there."

"Are you mental? Of course I do. Come on, I've got presents to wrap. I forgot to send them out. Damn, I need wrapping paper."

"Frankie has some, come on." We hurried out of the car. I definitely wasn't expecting anyone in the house, so I was shocked when I opened the door and found all the Weasleys (except Percy and Charlie) were in the living room along with Remus, Harry, Frankie, and Hermione.

"Merry Christmas!" They all sang. Edward and I smiled and went to greet everyone. This would have been perfect if the rest of the Cullen's could be here, but I knew they wouldn't be. They wouldn't want to leave Bella alone and they wouldn't have brought Bella either.

"Oh Alex, we were waiting for you two!" Mrs. Weasley said with a warm smile. "I prohibited this lot from opening their presents so we could wait for you two."

My eyes widened and I looked at Edward.

"Would you excuse us? Alex actually forgot to send out the presents from both of us. We'll go get them."

There were a couple of groans of protest. Edward hurried me up to my room.

"Take out the presents I'll go get the wrapping paper." Without wasting time he left the room. I began taking out armfuls of presents that we had gotten a month back. We had decided to shop early for them as there wouldn't be much later on.

Edward came back in record time with tape scissors and rolls of wrapping paper. We both sat on the floor and began to wrap. When I finished the first, he already had three done. Frankie came shortly afterward and taught me a simple charm to make the presents wrap themselves. We finished in a total of five minutes. We all high fived each other when we were done.

As Frankie left the room, I took my backpack and dumped it of its contents and began stuffing the Cullen's presents in there. Edward and I had decided to hold the gifts we had gotten for them in Diagon Alley until Christmas.

"Edward, could you run over to your house and give them these?" I asked as I packed them. "Tell them I wish them a Happy Christmas."

A somber mood settled in the room. The Cullen's should have been here celebrating with all of us. Yet, one person was keeping us apart.

"I'll tell them. They wanted to be here, and they wished you all a Happy Christmas." He said. I nodded. Edward took my face in his hands and tilted my head so I would look at him.

"They love you, but they couldn't leave her either." He said gently. It pained him to not be able to celebrate with his family either. That made me feel like I was keeping him from his family too.

"You should stay with them." I said. He sighed and shook his head. "Really, you should. I think you've neglected her too much."

"I'll go and take the presents, but I'm going to come back." He promised.

"Edward, you already spent the whole morning with me! I think you should be with them too."

"There will be other Christmases." He said.

Maybe he didn't mean it like that, but it sounded to me as if that meant that we wouldn't have any more Christmases together. It was most likely true, so I accepted, wanting to make the most out of this day with him. He took the bag and left through the balcony.

I sat on the edge of the bed and tried to rid myself of the sad thoughts. Edward was back around ten minutes later and he helped me carry the presents down to the living room where everyone was waiting excitedly.

"About time you got down here!" Fred said.

"Be quiet." I chided playfully.

We all eagerly opened our presents.

"Alex?" Edward said from next to me.

"Yeah?"

He motioned for me to come closer then he took a hold of my necklace and opened it. He easily fitted a small picture into it. When I looked at it, there on the other side was Edward wearing a radiant smile.

"Alice felt like you would want it." He explained.

"Oh that Alice!" I said smiling. "What would I ever do without her?"

"She was upset."

My expression turned concerned. "Why?"

"Because you never told her of your human status."

"I didn't think she would be hurt…"

"Yeah, well she thought you trusted her."

"I do, but Rosalie was rather upset with me for pressuring you about turning me. I had to make her see why."

"See, you have to explain that to her."

"I will."

"Other than that, she loved her present. She's just wondering where and when she's going to wear it."

"Well, I have it understood that all the Cullen's are invited to Fleur and Bill's wedding."

"She'll be ecstatic."

I turned around to grab a parcel and handed it to him.

"My present to you." I explained. I noticed his stern look and quickly covered his mouth so he wouldn't say anything. "It's not as great as what you gave me. I had no idea on what to get you, but I tried my best."

"I don't recall seeing this parcel…" He said.

"That's because I wrapped it a long time ago." I grinned.

He looked down and began tearing off the paper. He laughed when he saw it.

"You really didn't know what to get me, did you?" he teased. I smiled and shook my head.

When I went to Diagon Alley, anything that I saw that he would possibly like, I bought. He didn't notice because he thought it was for me. I had gotten him two books. One of which was Hogwarts, a History. Not being able to contain myself, I had bought blood flavored lollipops for all of the Cullen's. I got him a couple of journals, quills, and ink bottles. It was my knowledge that he enjoyed writing and actually kept a few notebooks that had parts of his life recorded.

"Thank you." He said kissing my nose. "I think this is the best I got. Although Emmett's whoopee cushion is pretty close to being the best." He grinned.

I laughed. Only Emmett would think of that.

"What did you get him?"

"Boom in the box."

I burst out laughing. Fred and George decided to make the traditional jack in the box into a more grown up toy. When they winded, it exploded in the persons face and caused a ten minute blindness that would scare a person to death. A really mean toy for those that couldn't take it, but it was meant for people like Emmett.

"Do you think it will work on him?"

"Well the explosion will startle him. I don't know about the blindness, but in any case I wrote him a note saying that it will go away. I just hope he reads it before he opens the box."

"I think you just declared war on him!"

He laughed and agreed.

The rest of the day was pleasant. When it was dinner time, Edward made sure to fill my plate to the brim and he along with everyone forced me to eat everything. Fred and George wanted me to actually lick the plate clean.

Harry pulled me aside to tell me of his earlier meeting with the Minister of Magic. To that, I had nothing to say except to congratulate my brother for his smart response.

_How are things with Edward? _

_**Same, but I'll talk to you about it later. Let's just enjoy the rest of this Christmas. **_

When they all left, I asked Edward to take me to his house. He was hesitant about it.

"Please." I begged. "I'll even leave my wand if it makes you feel better."

He agreed on that one condition.

When we went into the house, everyone chanted a loud merry Christmas. I said hi and thanked everyone for their presents and they did the same.

I gave a startled jump I heard a thundering crash and laughs. Edward and Emmett where having a heated fight that Edward seemed to be having the upper hand in.

Esme pulled me back away from the fight.

"Boys!" She shouted just as they broke her coffee table. They both stopped in mid punch and looked up. Immediately, Edward went upright and calmed down, but the excitement in his eyes wasn't tamed. The same went for Emmett.

"Not in the house or with company." Carlisle said sternly.

"This is war Masen!" Emmett said using Edwards's real last name to give emphasis.

Despite the commotion they had caused, everyone chuckled.

"Gave us a fright when Emmett shrieked that he couldn't see!" Carlisle laughed.

"And like you asked, Edward, I caught it on tape." Jasper waved a video camera at him.

"Perfect!" Edward said delighted.

I looked around and noticed Bella descending the stairs. Her eyes locked with mine and immediately turned away. She went over to stand on Edwards's side. Edward tensed and didn't move away, but didn't touch her either.

"Hello Alexandra." She smiled unpleasantly.

"Bella." I nodded curtly. "Alice, can I talk to you outside?"

Alice looked surprised; not expecting this but still followed me out.

"Edward told me you were upset?" I said as we sat on the chairs at the porch.

"I never planned on telling Rosalie. In fact, I wasn't going to tell any of you—not even Edward. But Rosalie was so upset at my decision that I wanted to show her that there was nothing to be upset about. And in a way, I was hesitant. Not that you would tell Edward, but that you might slip and he would read your thoughts. I didn't know if you would think that I should tell him, and if you disagreed with my choice of not telling him, then it would have been easier for you to accidentally slip. The last thing I wanted was to hurt your feelings. I'm really sorry."

"All is forgiven. I felt worse when Rosalie said that you thought that I would go snitching to Edward."

"Not snitching, _slipping_." I said. She laughed and hugged me.

Edward and I left shortly after that.

It was a good Christmas. Definitely better than last years'. It was my first and last Christmas, it seemed, with Edward. Despite this, I slept with a broad smile on my face and held my necklace to my chest.

Two weeks later, Edward, Alice and Jasper left for a hunting trip on the weekend. Deciding that I was too lazy to do anything, I sat down on the living room and watched movies while I ate junk. Frankie had been called in to work for the morning, so I was all alone.

"Hello." A soft voice said behind me.

As I let out a horrible jump and scream, I tilted the popcorn bowl towards me and its contents spilled all over me. A mocking laugh rang behind me. I turned sharply and saw no one. Immediately, I felt the couch sink.

There on the couch sat Bella, looking perfectly at ease. She smiled at me sweetly.

"How did you get in?" I asked coldly. My gaze flickered over to my wand that was on the coffee table. She seemed in control…or at least I really hoped she was in control.

"You really should get into the habit of closing the balcony doors in your room. Although, I must say that, it wouldn't stop me or any vampire for that matter."

"Can't you knock like a person with manners?"

"You wouldn't have let me into your home."

"I will let you know that I am more polite than you think. I'm certainly more polite than _you_ because I would have let you in."

It wasn't a lie either. I would have been interested in knowing why she decided to grace me with her presence.

"Is there something you wanted?" I said turning back to the TV.

"What do you think is going to happen?"

"Okay, you have my attention." I took the remote and turned off the TV.

"Do you think that he is going to pick you?" Her expression wasn't a sneer or anything of the sort. It was sincere and soft. It was as if she talked, not to an enemy, but to a friend. It was as if she were gently trying to convince a dear friend that the boyfriend that dumped her wasn't worth it and that she could do so much better. That's the way she talked to me. Despite the positions we were in, there was no animosity between us at that moment.

"No." I said looking down at my hands.

"Then what are you still doing here child?"

"He asked me to stay."

"And how is that helping you or him? It's only tormenting the three of us. Though, I doubt that you care whether I'm hurting or not."

"I'm not heartless you know!" I said, annoyed at the way in which she depicted me. Granted, I didn't like her. It didn't mean that I didn't care how much she was hurting. She didn't deserve what she was getting because though I hated to admit it, she was a much better person and than me. She went a hundred years looking for her husband and she comes home to find him in the arms of another. I pitied her misfortune and I she didn't deserve all the pain she was going through.

"Damn…I see why Edward likes you." She muttered.

"I bet that makes this talk harder for you."

"It makes it hard for me to hate you."

"If it helps, I hate you…to some extent."

She laughed.

"But I see where you're going." I said to her, trying to bring her back to our previous and more devastating conversation.

"I'm better for him. You know it as much as I do."

She was right in that too.

"With me, he won't hurt. He won't be in danger—none of them will be in danger. I belong to him and he, to me. I gave everything I had for him Alex. I gave my life to have eternity next to my husband."

"I know that."

"Then why won't you leave? Don't make any more memories to take with you Alex, because it will only hurt more when you leave."

"Why do you love him?" I cut her off. She seemed taken aback but still answered.

"What kind of a question is that?"

"Just a question. Why do you love him?"

She scoffed and looked away. "I don't know."

"No person can love another if they don't know why they love them. It may seem like that, but it's just an obsession."

"Why do _you_ love him then?" She retorted.

That was too easy, but if I didn't phrase it right it could be unclear.

"Because…he sees past the millions of flaws and makes them seem like they're nothing. He makes me feel like I actually deserve something good…he loves me despite everything else. Not to mention that he knows what it's like to lose someone you love. But that's not really the biggest thing.

"I could tell you all the reasons for why I love Edward and I would never finish…but I think that the main reason is because he's extremely far from being perfect, but even to me it sometimes seems like he's the closest thing there is to perfection. I love him so much because he's never going to hate me or think badly of me no matter how much I mess up. There's more, like I said, but those are the main reasons."

"It's time for you to leave." She said shaking her head.

"Yeah." I agreed.

Her expression turned calculating, as if trying to see something in my eye.

"Will you?" Her tone was weary.

"Will I what?"

"Will you leave?"

There was anger now. In one moment the easy conversation had changed into a ticking time bomb. All just because I told her she was obsessed. Well _excuse_ _me _for speaking my mind.

"I don't know…" Truly I didn't know. I had to do a lot of thinking.

"Think about how much better off we'll all be without you." Oh, now she was trying to anger me.

"I still don't know."

"Alex, do you have hopes that Edward will choose you? Let me tell you that Edward doesn't tend to put himself before others. He won't want to ruin what's left of your so called life, whereas I am already doomed. He already took mine and married me. He can let you go easily—there's nothing to tie him down to you. It's not the same. He's going to pick me."

"Yes, but I wonder if he's going to do it out of pity rather than love." I said coldly. Aware of what was coming next I lunged myself off of the couch and grabbed my wand just as she tried to jump on me. My hand wrapped around the handle of my wand just as her hands caught me. In a swift motion I turned my body and pointed my want at her throat just as she was about to take a bite out of me.

She stopped; her face was inches from mine. Her eyes trailed down to my wand.

"I'm the reason Edward learned what love is." She said in a low dangerous voice. "The first love is always the most beautiful Alex, because everything is new and fresh. He will always love me more than you. The only reason he fell for you was because he took pity on you. I have it understood your boyfriend died. He only took notice because you were a stupid, depressed girl."

I pressed the tip of my wand harder against her granite skin.

"Get out of my house." My voice shook with anger.

"Get out of his life."

"Why are you still going on about that? You and I both know that I'm going to lose anyway. I know it so well I won't even fight for Edward, Bella. Because we all know I will lose. I don't see where your insecurity comes from."

"Because Edward is always with you!" She shrieked. "He will barely talk to me; my husband hasn't kissed me since the day I came back! But he will kiss a little slut like you!"

"Get out of my house and control yourself Bella or so help me I will curse you."

"I'd like to see you try." With her eyes, she challenged me. She dared me and I wasn't going to back down.

The door barged open and in came Rosalie and Emmett. Both were charging at us so fast I barely saw them. Before I knew it, I was struggling against Rosalie and Bella against Emmett.

"Where's Edward?"Rosalie shouted to Emmett.

My wand was still in my hand. I continued to struggle, but managed to point it at Bella without either Emmett or Rosalie noticing.

Bella took my life and now she was taking Edward from me. Forget what I said about not hating her—I wanted her dead!

"_Crucio_!"

It hadn't worked with Bellatrix, but that was because I had never hated anyone so much in my life. I meant it this time; I wanted to make her feel just a fraction of what I was feeling. Her pained screams filled the room as she crumpled into Emmett's arms.

I didn't notice when he entered the house, but suddenly my wand had been snatched from me and I stared into the glaring eyes of Edward.

The moment the wand was out of my hand, everything, including Bella's screams, subsided.

And for that second I could see the hate in Edwards's eyes. Hate and anger that were directed to me. I knew I had truly lost right then and there. That small fire of hope was extinguished with one look into his cold eyes.

A sound distracted me from Edwards frightening stare. Bella whimpered and shook against Emmett's body. I felt no pity for her—no more. I'd gone through much worse than that.

Edward rushed to her side and took her into his arms. She sobbed and hid her face into his neck.

"Have you lost your mind Alex?" He hissed.

"No Edward." My tone was simple and dangerously calm. "I simply lost my patience."

Turning my head over to Rosalie I tried to shake off her restraining hands. When she didn't budge, I told her to let go of me. Edward nodded at her and she removed her hands from my arms.

"Give me my wand." I told Edward.

"Not until Bella is out of here."

"Well get her the fuck out of here! Just who the hell does she think she is to come into _my house_ without any invitation? She asked for it and she deserves what she got!"

"Alex calm down." His tone was softer and soothing, but I was too mad to register its effects.

I never noticed when the rest of the Cullen's had arrived, but Esme was on my side and she put a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

"Please…" She said.

"No Esme! Not only does she force her way in here, but she also comes here and tells me to leave this place because everyone would be better off without me because Edward has her back, and then she calls me a slut! I won't stand any of it anymore."

Bella jumped out of Edwards arms. And Edward was already in front of me in defense.

"Well it's true! Nobody here needs you. He's got me back now! You're just a nuisance that is causing this family to fall apart. A stupid little girl who knows nothing about what it is to love!"

"Don't talk to her like that!" Edward warned her.

"Okay, everyone needs to cool down and stop shouting." Carlisle decided to interfere.

I was about to explode. Moving away from Edward I headed up to the stairs and let out an earsplitting scream of anger. In my anger I heard something explode downstairs.

"I'm done." I growled as I got into my room and started snatching clothes out of the closet.

Edward stood at the door jamb watching me angrily shove things into my trunk. I tried to pay no attention to him, but his eyes never left me. It's like his gaze was burning holes into my back.

Finally, I had enough. "What!" I shouted at him as I turned to glare at him, but the moment my eyes touched upon his expression I was unable to hold my glare. Instead, I quickly looked down at the floor, unable to see his paralyzed expression.

"You said you wouldn't leave." It was an automatic sentence with no emotion behind it.

I turned my back to him, suddenly afraid of what I was doing to him.

"I think…you trust me too much…"

"You pro-"

"Empty." I cut him off hastily. "Just empty promises Edward…that's all you'll ever hear from me."

I was a liar and a bloody good one at that. My promises were rubbish, meaningless. It was time he understood that.

I kept going around the room getting things from here and there, carefully avoiding his eyes. I had enough memories to haunt me for a lifetime. The last I wanted was to have that shattered expression of his in my mind for the rest of my life. Roughly I wiped away a tear that had slipped out and I quietly sniffled as I kept packing things.

As I closed my trunk, that was now completely full, I struggled to close it. I became aware of Edward standing behind me. I felt his hands grab at my waist and his breath hit my neck as he leaned in closer to me. Goosebumps arose in my skin as I felt his lips at my neck. One of his hands left my waist and gently tilted my head back so his lips could reach my throat. My breath came heavy as he made his way up my jaw and neared my lips.

On instinct, I closed my eyes and tilted my head to the side to meet him. He hugged me around my waist as he tenderly kissed me. I turned my body for better access, fully aware that this would be the last kiss. The moment I turned, I realized how desperate he was becoming as his kiss became rougher. He put a hand behind my neck to bring me closer.

It was the most horrible kiss we had ever shared. Because on his part, his kiss was begging, urging pained and desolate. While on my part, my kiss was a final goodbye.

And I thought…his family is down there waiting to see how things turn out. His wife is down there probably burning in misery at the knowledge that her husband is just upstairs kissing another woman. Edwards enraged expression came into my mind and I quickly pulled away from him. I pulled away from his embrace all the way across the other side of the room.

"Please…" He pleaded.

I shook my head. "Don't beg Edward…you can do much better than that—you can do better than me…you _have _someone better than me."

"Don't hurt me like this…"

My eyes flashed angrily towards him.

"_Me_ hurt _you?_" I mocked and abruptly became serious. "I think our pain is mutual Edward. You're not the only victim. For months I have endured everything Edward—the fact that when you're not here you're with her. I don't blame you for that because it's your duty as a husband, but you know what Edward? You could have sent me away that moment! You could have just told me to go and never come back, but instead you were selfish and you asked me to stay. You asked me to stay and be a burden to everyone to stay and mess up your family—your matrimony.

"You asked me to stay and burn to the ground as I watch you ultimately choose her…" I paused for a moment and before he could start talking I continued, "Maybe I'm being selfish by leaving you right now, but you were more selfish by asking me to stay here. I'm leaving to let you be with your wife. I'm not leaving to run away from the pain—it's useless to try; it's the one thing that I can't hide away from like a coward."

Never had I talked to him like that. I'd always done my best to keep from hurting him and now I was more or less throwing knives at him with no mercy. I had hit a new low and I wasn't proud of it.

"So don't make it out to be like you're the only one getting hurt. When I know that next month you'll be all smiles with her and I'll be all but forgotten…and I really hope that that's true because then I'll know that my departure was worth it."

"You're wrong." He said quietly I didn't miss the way his voice broke at the end.

Putting my hands on my hips I arched an eyebrow and said, "Excuse me?"

"If you think I'm going to be happy about your departure, you are very sadly mistaken…I've shown you nonstop how much you mean to me. You ought to know that what you say is an impossibility."

Though his body trembled, he reached over to my trunk and easily shut it and locked it.

"But I know I'm hurting you…and I prefer my pain rather than yours. If leaving is what's best for you…" He took in a sharp breath and slowly exhaled, "Then…it's best that…you leave…"

And just like that my heart seemed to disappear. I could almost see Edward feasting upon it…tearing and clawing and mangling it.

I walked right up to him and gently placed my hand on his cheek. He lowered his agonizing gaze to my own blank expression.

"You have, no idea…how much I curse the day I met you." the words were harshest I had spoken in my life, but they were set in the most loving and gentle tone ever spoken by me. Yet, it was still another low blow for him.

I moved around him and made my way to the door. With my hand on the handle I heard his voice quietly speak to me for the last time.

"I don't." He had said. It made me hesitate. Would he really be better off without me?

For just a fraction of a second, my mind seemed to change its course. I shook it clear and left what had once been my room as well as the person I had once been completely devoted to…the one that would be in my very last thought before I died.

I met Frankie at the stairs. He had known this day was coming. He prepared for it. I kissed him goodbye and he told me he would make sure my trunk arrived at Hogwarts.

I said goodbye to the Cullen's. Some, with a heavy heart, wished me luck. Others tried to make me stay. I hardly paid any attention to who said what. None of it mattered anyway. In a corner I saw Bella looking angry and guilty at the same time. She avoided looking at me, but I still talked to her.

"You won't love him like I do…no one can. And you're definitely not worthy of him. But if you're the best there is out there…then don't disappoint me and make that man up there the happiest one on earth."

She nodded and quietly murmured a thank you.

As I walked to the fireplace, I felt as if someone had injected morphine into my heart and it was slowly spreading throughout my whole system creating a numbing feeling. When I arrived to Hogwarts I headed to the common room in a daze—completely unaware of what went around me. In the dormitory, a bed awaited me. A bed I could climb into, but could futilely hide in. No matter in which corner of the world I was in, I would never be able to hide from my problems. _I _was my problem. How was I supposed to hide from myself?

After everything I'd gone through, I still hoped I was wrong. I just wanted to sleep and forget that last year even happened. I wanted it to be a dark fairytale—some figment of my imagination. But damn it! Forgetting was an impossibility for me. All my memories were more vivid than any humans; I daresay possibly more vivid than a vampires. Only now was I realizing how much of a curse this ability was. I'd be forever plagued with the mistakes of my pitiful life.

**Edward's P.O.V.**

Did Carlisle know all the pain I would be subjected to after he turned me into what I am now? For two centuries, it had been blow after blow. Perhaps I had just been a mistake…never meant to happen or exist. I would have much preferred that to this.

Was this how Bella felt when I left her? I didn't think so; it was too much for a human to stand. Surely she would have died on the spot if that had been the case. Maybe this was happening as a payback for what I had put Bella through? Yes, that was plausible.

The reasons however, were of no matter. What was rotting me to hell was the fact that she was gone. I tried to convince myself it was for her own good, but it was so damn hard. I wondered if I was demonstrating the depth of my love to her by letting her leave or if I should have just kept her from leaving me.

"Edward?" Bella's voice seemed to set me into a raging inferno. She was the reason Alex had left. It was entirely her fault. And now she dared to taint Alex's presence in this room with her own presence.

"Leave." I growled.

"Let me help you, I'm you-"

"I KNOW YOU'RE MY DAMNNED WIFE! YOU DON'T NEED TO REMIND ME EVERY SECOND! GET OUT OF HERE YOU'RE NOT WELCOMED IN THIS ROOM! DON'T YOU EVER DARE COME NEAR IT!" My head pounded with rage. She became shocked and scared and quickly ran away dissolving into a heap of dry sobs on her way.

Alice, Carlisle, and Esme wanted to come up here and give me a piece of their mind, but they would just get it worse and they were aware of it.

Had my sanity finally taken flight? It sure seemed that way to me. I felt paralyzed.

My family saw I had no intention of leaving the room and so they worriedly left me behind with Frankie, who paid no attention to my presence. Her scent was all around the room. It was the closest I could be to her right now and I'll be damned if I ever leave this place. The scent was more concentrated on her bed covers, on her pillow and on a sweater that she often used that she left behind. I found some sort of sanctuary in her bed, holding her sweater to my nose and closing my eyes pretending I was holding her.

The world had crashed all around me and this was the only safe place left. Here, I let myself weep over my loss. I comforted myself with the thought that she was better off and where she belonged. And I…I would count the days until I saw her again…even though it was highly unlikely I would ever be in here presence again.

But I would wait.

**Hermione's P.O.V.**

For my first apparition class, I didn't do half bad. I actually feel like I made some progress, which is more than I could say for others. Just as I had passed Harry and Ron, I heard McLaggen call to them.

"Oy, Potter!" My attention was instantly his. "What's going on with your sister now?"

"What are you talking about?" Harry said warily. I stopped on my tracks and went back towards them.

"I'm saying that she just walked into the common room looking like a dementor kissed her."

"That's not funny!" I snapped at him.

"I'm not trying to be funny!" He defended, "Many people said 'hi' and she didn't answer a single one of them. She just silently walked up to the dormitory."

Harry and I looked at each other. Harry was quick to point fingers.

"Edward." He hissed as he began to jog to the Gryffindor common room. I gave Ron a brief look and we both followed after him.

"Baubles." He said to the fat lady. Sensing his urgency she immediately swung open and we followed in.

"Harry wait!" He began to head up the girl's dormitory and completely forgot what would happen. As the stairs disappeared, he went sliding down. He unsuccessfully muffled a growl as he looked up in the direction of the dormitory. Some people chuckled at the scene.

"Don't worry, I'll go and try to get her down." I said. The moment my feet touched the stone slide that had formed, they went back to being the stone steps.

On instinct, I looked to her bed to see if she was there. That's exactly where I found her; under the covers, curled into a little ball and facing to the window.

Assuming she was asleep, I walked over to my bed right next to hers and faced her. My eyes widened in surprise as I saw she was awake and staring blankly out the window.

"Alex?"

"It's over…" She said numbly. "He's gone, it's over….it's over…"

She kept repeating this and I seriously worried about her sanity. I don't think she was talking to me—it didn't even seem like she was aware that I was present.

"What happened?"

"It's over…" She shakily whispered.

"What's over?" I gently murmured.

"It's over." She repeated.

"Does this have to do anything with Edward?"

She blinked and abruptly sat up.

"Edward?" She looked around the room as if looking for him.

I went over to sit in front of her and made her look at me.

"Alex, he's not here." I said as gently as possible.

Her eyes lost that glazed look they had a few seconds ago and she blinked twice.

"Hermione?" Had she really not been aware of my presence? "What happened?"

"That's what I want to know. _What happened?_"

She lay down on her side again.

"Why is there sun but, I can't see a single ray of light?" She whispered.

"He chose her?" I guessed.

"He chose her the moment she came back…" Her eyes pooled with tears and I observed as she tried to keep them at bay.

"What happened?"

She drew in a sharp intake of breath that sounded like a strangled sob.

"I snapped…he wasn't going to send me away anytime so-oo-on…" Her tears made clean trail down her paled cheeks and disappeared under her jaw. "So I left…"

"_You left?"_

She nodded once and bit back a sob. I couldn't help myself as I embraced her; hoping that I could give her some kind of comfort.

"You did well." I whispered. If she had stayed, it would only have been harder for her when Edward made his final decision.

"But it feels so horrible!" She cried.

"I can only imagine…how did Edward take it?"

"It's like I had struck him…I suppose I did, figuratively of course…" She heaved another sob and her whole body shook with the force of it. "I told him I regretted meeting him…"

I bit my lip. That was wrong of her—to tell him something like that and hurt him deeper.

"Do you?" I said quietly.

"I- I do…and I don't…" She roughly brushed away the tears that disappeared under her jaw. "But he probably thinks I hate him."

**Third person P.O.V. **

Indeed, many miles away, Edward wallowed in piercing sorrow…remembering over and over Alex's last words to him.

_"You have no idea…how much I curse the day I met you…"_

It was what he was most scared of: Her hating him. Although, somewhere deep in his heart, he had always known that one way or another she would end up loathing him. No matter how good fate seemed to have been at times to Edward, fate was just a demon…a demon that allowed him to indulge in the most sacred thing this world had to offer before violently ripping it away from him.

Edward had never been friends with fate.

If he had been friends with it then he would have died in 1918.

* * *

**remember you guys that reviews are always appreciated **

**:)**

**-airali**


	29. my immortal

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**okay i delayed my othe story to get this chapter out **

**to those reading a lifetime in a week dont worry i am already working on it. **

**i will try to have it done as soon as possible.**

**meanwhile this chapter is much shorter than the normal ones but it was still necessary to add it **

**next chapter will be edwards pov **

**enjoy!**

* * *

**Alex's P.O.V**

"Hey." Hermione appeared through the dormitory door. "Your wand arrived."

Oh…how could I have forgotten it? It was like forgetting an arm.

"Right…" I mumbled.

"Are you sure you're not up to going to class?" She said timidly.

Given the state I had been in since yesterday when I left, she was afraid I might blow up on her like last night. Harry had told her to tell me to come down so he could see me, when she told me I screamed at her and told her I didn't want to be bothered.

"No, I like it here." Was my mumbled response.

I heard a sigh and retreating footsteps. After a while, I began to drift off to sleep. I awoke with a start and reminded myself that sleep allows for dreams…and dreams aren't good.

Dreams aren't always safe.

* * *

January and February passed with absolutely no incident. And if there was an incident it must not have been big enough for me to take notice.

"ALEXANDRA!" I jumped in reaction to the shout and looked around wildly. "Over here."

Harry gave me a stern look. "I called your name at least five times!"

"Uh…I wasn't paying attention…" I eyed my breakfast in distaste, my stomach churned at the sight of food.

"You never do." Ron grumbled. I blinked and ignored the comment.

"Was there something you wanted to tell me?"

"Yes: stop looking at that plate like its poison."

"Here…" I pushed it to Ron. "I'm full."

"You didn't eat anything." Hermione said through pursed lips.

"Right." With that I got up took my bag and left the Great Hall rather quickly.

* * *

"Where are they?" I vaguely wondered the same as Hermione. They were already late to breakfast; Ron would never be late to breakfast, especially on his birthday.

Wow…I actually remembered.

Something woke me up from my normal catatonic state. A sudden sense of panic that certainly did not belong to me settled in the bottom of my stomach.

_Harry?_ I thought, wondering if he could hear me.

_Please Ron don't die!_

I was on my feet instantly. That boy had better not be joking…on second thought he better be.

Hermione watched me, taken aback. She wasn't the only one looking at me weirdly.

_Where the hell are you!_ I mentally shouted.

_Slughorns. _

"Come!" I said to Hermione. Immediately I ran out of the great hall and towards the dungeons where Slughorns office was located. I could hear Hermione's footsteps behind me.

Forget the courtesy, I barged in there and found Harry holding an unconscious Ron. Slughorn stood at the side looking too stunned to notice our entrance.

"Ron!" Hermione said and hurried to his side.

Well, he was breathing and nobody was scrambling to get Madame Pomfrey so for the moment it was somewhat safe to remain calm.

"What happened?" Hermione cried.

I glanced at Slughorn, "Professor?"

He jumped and noticed me for the first time.

"Would you mind getting some help?"

Recognition set on his face. "Oh right, of course!" He hurried out of the office.

Hermione and I listened as Harry recounted the story.

"Do you realize how heavy the security in this place is?" I said when he finished, "It's almost impossible to sneak in something that's poisoned."

"Yes, but it _is_ possible." He countered.

"Why would Slughorn have something like that on his hands?"

"It was meant for someone else he said." harry glanced at Ron.

Madame Pomfrey and McGonagall hurried into the room along with Slughorn and they carried away the still unconscious Ron.

They didn't let us in until much later. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley had been told and they wasted no time in arriving. Fred and George also came.

Harry recounted the events so much, that I knew his words by heart now. When Mr. and Mrs. Weasley left to talk to Dumbledore, everyone began to voice their opinions. Hermione and I were the only ones quiet. She sat by Ron's side not taking her eyes off of him. The sight made me a bit uncomfortable. I settled next to a window and ignored everything else.

"Alex?"

I blinked and looked toward Fred.

"Huh?"

"What do you think?" He said with slight irritation.

"Uhm…I think…whatever Harry thinks…" I turned back to look out the window, but I couldn't help to hear their suddenly quiet voices.

"Does she not care at all for what's going on?" I don't think I'd ever had either of the Weasley twins mad at me…well, now I couldn't say the same.

"Give her a break she's going through a tough time." Ginny said.

"Edward?" One of them guessed. I bit my lip and sighed loudly. They immediately went quiet.

A moment later the doors of the hospital wing opened. I turned my head briefly and then turned back when I saw it was Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. As they thanked harry for saving Ron's life, I felt a hand snake around my shoulders.

"Cheer up." Said Fred.

"Yeah, he wasn't that good looking anyway." George joined in. I made a noise close to a chuckle.

"But if you want us to"

"We can take care of it" they glanced at each other mischievously.

"Alex?" I turned in response to Mrs. Weasley.

"How are you dear?" She approached me with a gentle smile.

"Uh, great?" She smiled and enveloped me in a hug.

"The Cullens are devastated." She whispered in my ear. "They say Edward-"

"Mrs. Weasley…I'm sorry for being rude but…I don't want to hear any of it."

"Oh…" I could tell she was slightly surprised at my carelessness. "Of course…I'm sorry."

"No, I am." She gave me another hug.

"Things will look up for you." she said with a final squeeze.

"Sure…" I nodded indifferently. "Uhm…I'm really sorry- about Ron- but at least he's well now."

"Oh, yes. He'll recover. If it hadn't been for Harry…" She shook her head.

"Yeah…that boy's a real hero." I smiled.

* * *

When I got into bed that night, instead of wondering why Dumbledore and Snape had had a discussion-as I'm positive Harry was wracking his brains for an answer- I wondered what Mrs. Weasley had been on the verge of telling me. I scolded and congratulated myself for cutting her off.

Just like every night, I wondered what was going on in Forks. And like every night, I grasped my necklace in a loose fist and held it tight to my chest. I would take whatever little part of him I could have and consider myself lucky for it.

* * *

The next day as I sat in the great hall, a handsome brown and white barn owl landed on the table. One leg had stepped into the bowl of cereal that I was considering eating.

"I guess that's a no…" I muttered to myself. I looked up in surprise when the owl stuck out his foot for me to take the letter tied around him.

Harry and Hermione looked up curiously.

There was only one person that would send me a letter right now. I eagerly untied the parchment. When I was done, the owl turned and stuck its beak into Harry's breakfast then it turned and went back the way it had come.

The roll of parchment was actually too heavy to just be one sheet. I unrolled it and saw several sheets come out.

"Looks like someone had a lot to tell you." Harry said eyeing the sheets.

"Uhu…" I looked at the letters and noticed there were different signatures in each. I searched for the one with Frankie's signature and began to read it.

_Dear Alex,_

_Just because you left doesn't mean you're not allowed to write to me. How are you? I miss you here. I'll admit it is really odd coming to an empty house. Remember when you came here for the first time? I was really nervous you wouldn't like it here. I was remembering that right now, which is why I thought of writing to you. How are things over at Hogwarts? It must be odd staying there for so long when you spent all of last year here. So have you gotten lost in the tricky passageways?_

I smiled a bit at that. I had gotten lost once or twice when I roamed around the castle without aim.

_Things here have been very gray to tell you the truth. I see the Cullens regularly and we tend to visit Molly and Arthur a lot lately. I suppose they're all well in some sense, their vampires after all, but emotionally…well none are too well. When I mentioned that I was going to write to you they wasted no time in writing a note for you. Your departure was so sudden and there was so much they wanted to say. You'll find a total of six letters without counting mine. I hope they cheer you up because I don't think you're all that good right now. Take care and answer me soon I really miss you and want to hear from you. Love you kid. _

_Sincerely, _

_Frank. _

I sighed and passed the letter to Harry because he looked like he really wanted to know.

Frankie was right, I could still write to him. It was the least I could do after he so willingly took me into his home. I decided I would write back to him tonight. I folded the other letters and stuffed them into my bag as I was going to be late for class.

"You guys coming?" I said looking at both Harry and Hermione.

"Yeah." They both said. Harry handed me the letter back and we made our way out.

I struggled to pay attention throughout all of my classes. All I did was wonder what time it was. Then in my defense against the dark arts class, a sudden thought struck me.

Doesn't time tend to go slow when you're waiting for something? These past two months had felt like five years each. So then, just what was I waiting for? Lately it seemed like I was living with no purpose, like I was just living for the sake of it. I wondered if this was the closest it felt to losing your soul.

Then I was pulled from my thoughts when Snape asked me a question I did not know. He enjoyed taking away ten points from Gryffindor for it. I couldn't bring myself to care when I was shot dirty looks from a few Gryffindors. Not even Snape made me mad anymore. That truly meant that I was seriously out of it…out of everything actually.

I walked up to the hospital wing with Harry and Hermione conversing at my side.

All the day I had been vaguely curious to read the letters of the Cullens. Did Edward write to me?

Frankie said there were six letters. I hadn't counted them, but I was sure he was right. I definitely know that Bella didn't write to me. And well, I don't think the rest of the Cullens really had any reason to not want to write to me. Unless they were upset that I left. Edward and Bella had the more reason to not want to write to me. Yet a small part of me couldn't help but hope that he did.

Madame Pomfrey allowed us to see him. He looked delighted when he caught sight of us.

"'Bout time you lot came. I don't fancy solitude you know."

We all settled into seats next to him and conversed. Well they did, I listened. Ron mostly complained about how he wanted to leave already and how it wasn't fair that he still got homework after he was poisoned.

"Well, he sounded like he was having the time of his life…" I mumbled when we made our way out. Hermione and Harry snickered.

That night as Harry and Hermione did their homework; I pulled out the letters and read them one by one. They all brought sad melancholic smiles to my face. When I finished each of them I sighed and rubbed my face.

I caused this family so much trouble; the least I could do was answer this for them. Besides I really wanted to talk to all of them. It probably wasn't a smart thing to do. Maybe I just needed a clean break, but writing to them made me feel an inch closer to _him_—it was impossible to let him go completely.

So I did what looked more right to my mind. I picked up my quill and began to write one long letter to them. I figured that Frankie would read it out loud to everyone.

* * *

"There's a game today?" I stared at Harry who was coming down the boys staircase, clad in his quidditch uniform.

"Yeah. If you knew what went around you, you would have probably have realized it sometime ago." He responded none too happily.

I instantly felt guilty. Now that I thought about it I did vaguely remember Harry being hounded by McLaggen about quidditch.

"I'm sorry." I made my way out the common room with him. Hermione had left early.

"You know what annoys me?" He stopped and turned to look at me. "He's not even dead and it was you who decided to come here. So I don't see why you're all going around and moping as if it were the end of the world."

Ouch, that hurt.

"Yeah well, of course you wouldn't understand any of what I'm going through right now since you're too obsessed about Malfoy to pay any attention to anything else!" I snapped and walked away. "Good luck to you." I said coldly.

Despite my anger I still walked to the grounds to the quidditch field that was slowly getting filled with eager students.

It had been a long time since I had seen a game.

I found Hermione and took the seat she had saved for me.

"You look in a bad mood." She commented turning with a brief look at me.

"Harry got mad because I forgot there was a game." I mumbled.

"He's just been in a bad mood because of McLaggen."

"Yeah, well I kinda did have it coming…"

"Why?"

"The way I've been acting since I came."

"That's not your fault." She said firmly.

"If you say so…" I sighed and looked out at the pitch. I wished I were still playing.

Hermione turned me around roughly. "You can't help being like this! It's none of your fault and it will get better with time."

Did I want it to get better?

No

"And it would help if you cut all contact with the Cullens. It isn't healthy for you." Her eyes wandered from my empty expression. "You should get rid of that thing too."

My hand flew to my neck and wrapped around the locket.

"Keep dreaming." Still holding the locket I turned back to the pitch were the players were arriving.

I observed as Harry walked forward and shook the Hufflepuff's captain hand.

_My mind went to a rainy day about three years ago. It was so cold my face felt stiff and hot. Still, I stood in the quidditch field with the rest of the team, my teeth were chattering. Oliver wood stepped forward and so did the Hufflepuff captain. _

_I'd heard of Cedric before, but I really had never paid any attention to him. Well, I didn't really have a reason to do so. But seeing as this was the opposing seeker, I took the moment to observe him. Tall and lean with handsome chiseled features. His gray eyes were friendly, not a look that I usually encountered in a quidditch game. His fine brown hair was slightly messy. He caught me staring and smiled at me. I smiled back and slightly waved. _

I blinked and noticed the game had begun, I realized that this was the first Hufflepuff vs. Gryffindor game I had been present at since I met Cedric. Of course by now he would have already have left the school. Still, I felt a small wave of melancholy.

The game was a disaster. That McLaggen was going to get a piece of my mind and my fist. I froze when the bludger hit Harry right in the back and he fell off his broom. A scream began to build in my throat and was halted when I saw the two beaters catch him.

I rushed down to the field as they set him down on the grass and a small crowd began to form. "Out of my way, move!" I roughly shoved people aside.

Harry lay unconscious on the grass. Teachers hurried over and he was carried off to the hospital wing. I decided I would deal with the scum later and I followed them to the hospital wing.

It wasn't anything big, just a cracked skull that was easily mended. Hermione and Ginny caught up with us a few minutes later.

"How did it look?" asked Ron. He made a poor attempt at disguising his delight that McLaggen had so brutally rained on the Gryffindors parade.

"Well, if I get past the fear, Harry actually looked pretty funny." Ginny said.

Hermione shot us a dirty look.

"He could have gotten really hurt!" She said eyeing the unconscious Harry.

"But he didn't, so lighten up Hermione." Ron said.

"Besides, now it's for sure that McLaggen will not be returning to the team. And he still hasn't had to deal with me."

"I'm pretty sure that the whole of Gryffindor house is giving him a hard time right now…" Hermione said. "Don't get yourself into trouble Alex."

We talked a bit more and then Ginny announced she was leaving.

Not long after that I caught Harry beginning to stir and groan.

"Well, hello beautiful." A tight smile was fixed in my face.

"Well, you sound happier…" He grumbled.

"I just feel sympathetic." More _pa_thetic than_ sym_ actually, but I've been feeling like that for a while.

"Why? How badly did we lose?"

It occurred to me that I never did here the last score. I turned in question to the others.

"Are you sure you want to find out?" Ron warned.

Harry's expression answered that for him.

"Well mate, final score was three hundred. And it was twenty to sixty."

I let out a breath and grimaced.

"I will end him…" He muttered.

"Makes two of us…" I mumbled.

Madame Pomfrey went bustling around and pushing Harry back on is pillows. Harry argued when he was told he would have to stay here until Monday, but was quickly quieted down.

"Ginny was here to see you." I said casually. I leaned back on my chair and observed my brother as his expression brightened and went deep in thought. I think only Hermione and I noticed this.

After that, somehow we touched the topic of Harry's obsession with Malfoy and how it was probably getting a bit out of hand. Then Madame Pomfrey came in and kicked Hermione and me out.

Hermione and I walked throughout the corridors with only the sound of our echoing footsteps.

"Did you see that?" She said, bringing me out of my empty head. I looked around trying to see what she was talking about.

"No, I mean did you see Harry's face?"

"Oh!" My mouth formed a perfect 'o' and my eyes got big. "Uhm, when we mentioned Ginny?"

"Yeah, I reckon he likes her." She said smirking.

"Who would have thought, after Ginny secretly pined after him for so long."

"That's good, for the both of them."

"Harry went out with Cho right?" I said looking straight ahead, my eyebrows were furrowed.

"Just a date and it didn't end too well; they ended up arguing about something."

"What?"

"I don't know, he didn't exactly tell us."

"Hmm interesting…"

"What's really going on in your head?"

"Nothing goes on in my head anymore. And what does go on in there quickly disappears."

"Which makes me wonder how you're keeping up in your classes…?" Oh that Hermione.

"To tell you the truth…I don't know. All I know is that I haven't fallen behind and that's good."

"I suppose."

We worked together on our homework.

"Funny how neither Harry, Ron, nor I wasted any time on dropping Divination class." I commented.

"I thought it was rather funny. But I did feel awful when we dropped Hagrid's class…"

"I know…he wouldn't talk to us that first week."

"Oh and you didn't stick around for the worst. Only after Harry threatened to knock down his door did he talk to us."

I put my teeth together and pulled back a side of my lip as if to say "damn".

"Well," I dropped my quill on the table and stretched. "To tell you the truth, this is the most alert I've been in a long time and it's made me quite tired."

"Oh, well then I'll see you tomorrow."

"You're still going to work on it?"

"Oh, yeah, I got a bit more to go…" She said not sounding enthusiastic.

"Oh well, good luck to you." I waved and quickly made my way up.

I got into my cold bed and curled up to make myself warmer. The night was the hardest part—I always felt awfully lonely despite the fact that I shared the dormitory with four other girls.

It was some time after that I managed to fall asleep. The last thing I remember, was noticing how there were so many stars in the sky.

* * *

I woke up in the middle of the night due to a fitful sleep. I remember getting out of my bed barefoot. I quietly padded down the girls staircase and headed to the boys. Everyone was sound asleep as I entered Harry's dormitory. As quiet as a mouse, I moved to his bed and pulled out his trunk. No time was wasted as I pulled out his invisibility cloak and covered myself with the strange material.

Before I knew it, I was out of the common room and walking through the dark empty corridors. I wasn't sure of where I was going, but my feet seemed to know. As confused as I was when I stopped in front of a classroom, I still entered it. It was completely empty—there weren't even any desks.

This whole scene felt awfully familiar. Like déjà vu. At the far end of the classroom, I noticed a…mirror?

I slowly removed the cloak and let it pool at my feet. My walk was painfully slow, but I wasn't capable of going any faster. I stopped on my tracks when I was able to catch my reflection…?

"What happened to me?" I said to the empty room.

It was me but…different. I was suddenly eleven again.

_The mirror of erised _

What the bloody hell is going on?

Was I back in time or something?

Hesitantly I made my way closer to the mirror.

What is happening?

My reflection aged and became my fourteen year old self again. A figure was next to me—taller than me. As I got closer it became clearer.

Edward smiled at me with his arm around the waist of my reflection. My fingers trembled as they ran over my waist to see if he was next to me.

"What?" I whispered. Tears pooled in my eyes as I looked at my crying reflection. Edward turned to look at…at my reflection and he tenderly brushed away a tear that had fallen.

What hurt the most was that he wasn't even there. Just an illusion—I believe that having the knowledge that it was an illusion made it worse.

I sobbed and cried, but nevertheless sat on the cold floor and watched as Edward did the same. It could have been hours, I don't know, but it must have still been too early because the sun never came out. I could stare for an eternity at this mirror. I remembered Dumbledore mentioning that things like that had happened before.

Then he opened his mouth and mouthed something inaudible.

"What?" I whispered.

I faintly heard someone call my name at the same time he spoke again. It wasn't his voice I heard though. It was a female voice.

Then it got louder and everything got darker.

I was on my side when my eyes opened slowly. My mind was already aware that I had dreamed it all up.

"Alex get up, you're late!" Hermione said.

Her face came into view and turned preoccupied when she noticed my glower.

My mood was sour for the rest of the day. Especially when I realized it was Sunday and Hermione had just woken me up so we could go see Harry and Ron.

That night I was scared to sleep, yet I still wanted to have that dream again. I was horribly disappointed, for I had a dreamless night.

Truth be told I think that dream only served to mess me up further.

On Monday, Harry and I headed to Dumbledore's office.

"You've been cranky." He commented on our way there.

"Yes, I feel cranky."

"Why?"

"Never you mind. So what's this sudden interest in Ginny?" Anything to have the conversation steered off of me.

"What do you mean?" Nervousness doesn't help elusiveness dear brother.

"I mean that I noticed how you act when they talk about her or when you're around her."

"Oh, I didn't know you noticed things anymore. You're more of a vegetable nowadays." His tone was too mean to be teasing.

I worked to keep my flaring temper within me. "Whatever."

"Yes I like her. Are you happy?"

"No not really…why haven't you done anything about this?"

"It isn't any of your business!" he snapped. Well, if I had the right to be mad then so did he.

We stood outside Dumbledore's office.

"Act happy." He warned and then knocked the door.

I was more curious than happy throughout the meeting. Harry and I were thoroughly embarrassed when we heard Dumbledore's disappointment over our failure to get the memory from Slughorn.

If I'm being honest I had all but forgotten it. I had been too depressed to attempt anything and Harry had been too distracted as well.

"Hey Alex?" He said as we walked back to the dormitory.

"Yeah?"

"Don't you think you could get it?"

"I think he likes you more than me." Already I knew what he was talking about.

Really, Slughorn had mentioned that I looked a great deal like my mother, but said I was like my father. I think he said it because I was fairly acceptable in potions class whereas Harry was truly remarkable with that book of his.

Was Slughorn trying to say my dad had no especial talents for potions? Yeah, I think that's what he tried to tell me—also that he had seen better. It was very obvious he preferred Harry over me.

"No, I mean with that memory thing you can do?"

How could I have been so stupid! The thought had never occurred to me.

"I probably can, now that you mention it. I'll try. I'm not all that experienced with looking through people's heads. When I do, it's usually involuntary. It might be especially hard if Slughorn's trying so hard to forget that memory himself."

"Just try." He pleaded.

"Of course, but you have to try to get it out of him too."

"I know; I'll work on that." He promised.

We talked to Hermione and Ron about it. They both said we needed to focus on this instead of other less important things. We all turned to look at Harry then.

* * *

The days passed, each day bringing summer closer to us. I tried my hardest to get the memory, but it was proving difficult. It was one thing to just suddenly see a person's memory than actually search for it in their head. I found that it was better if I had eye contact, but every time Slughorn caught my concentrated stare he turned away.

So I settled for practicing on Harry for a while. He got annoyed sometimes because he said that while he worked, sudden, unexpected memories popped into his head. Clearly, that told me that the next step would be to look through his head without letting him see what I was looking at.

Often, Hermione would ask me why I was staring so intently at Harry. I would just blink and come up with something about how I thought he had something on his face or whatever.

As difficult as this was proving to be, I could see some of the improvement.

Then one day, over breakfast, we got a note from Hagrid. Aragog had finally died. Harry and Ron didn't seem to mind at all. They were all just really worried about Hagrid.

I was worried too and although that spider had attempted to feed us to his children, I was still in awe of that creature. It really was no secret that Hagrid and I loved such creatures, although I was reasonable and he wasn't.

That day Hermione and Ron had their apparition exams along with other students. So the potions class was just mostly empty. Slughorn let us do any potion we wished to do. I settled for a quick and easy potion that left me with plenty of time for the rest of the class. I sat back and observed Slughorn as he worked on some papers.

After a while I began seeing brief memories—nothing really spectacular. The memories were abruptly cut off when Slughorn turned his eyes on me and I looked down at my cauldron.

Just then, class ended. Feeling rather annoyed I packed my things a bit too forcefully.

I heard as Harry attempted to get Slughorn's attention. Slughorn was out of the classroom before Harry could even finish his sentence. I don't think he liked it when I snickered at him.

"So you were really concentrated today." He commented as we walked out.

"Yes, but I didn't pick up anything special. This is proving harder than I thought." I tightened my hold on my bag as it began to slide off my shoulder.

"It occurred to me that I should use some of that Felix potion I have."

"Why did you not think about that earlier?" How can he and I be so slow? "Do you realize that, if we had figured that out earlier, we would probably already have that memory? And then I wouldn't have to get constant headaches from so much concentration and useless memories!"

"It's always about you isn't it?" I blushed when I saw his steely gaze.

He was right though. Somehow I always ended making things about myself lately.

I was quiet throughout the rest of the day.

We all gathered around the boy's dormitory and watched as Harry took a gulp of Felix felicis. Even I could feel the exhilaration that coursed through my brother's veins.

Ron and Hermione panicked when Harry said that he was heading to Hagrid's. I didn't see how it connected, but trusted that his instincts would guide him.

And guide him they did. Throughout that night I felt as Harry's exhilaration lessened.

I sat in the common room with Hermione and Ron as we all waited for the arrival of Harry.

_I got it! Alex I got it! _

"What!" Hermione and Ron gave me funny looks.

_Meet me at Dumbledore's office. Hurry!_

"He got it!" I said to the other two.

"Really?"

"Yes, he's heading to Dumbledore's office right now. I'll see you guys later."

It was amazing that I didn't meet anyone along the way. I would have been given a long detention.

I gave the password to the gargoyle and went up two stairs at a time. I completely forgot to knock and instead barged into the office. Dumbledore and Harry stared at me.

"Uhm…" I could feel the warmth that flooded through my cheeks.

Instead of a reproach, Dumbledore asked me to close the door and join them quickly.

He was pleased none the less.

_Good job!_ I told Harry.

* * *

Now, how a human being would dare to rip his soul into seven parts was beyond me.

I thought about Edward and his belief he had no soul. Well, to him, I have to say that if he had no soul he wouldn't be so good looking. The proof of that was Voldemort, who with one small piece of his soul, already looked like a devil.

How could he have done something so horrible? Wouldn't it hurt…a lot? It was obvious he was a sucker for pain.

I think Harry's shock matched my own when Dumbledore said he would take us when he found the next horcrux. After so many people told me I was too young or made me feel too defenseless, it was nice to finally hear a 'yes' for a change.

The next day I could sense Harry's delight when he was informed by Hermione that Ginny and Dean had broken up.

Once again days began to pass, blurring and mixing into each other, where I could no longer tell when one ended and the other began. I was vaguely aware of the school spirit lifting as the next quidditch game loomed over the horizon.

It was just another empty day, probably Monday…or Friday. I headed to the Great Hall alone. I had no idea where the others had gone. Then I felt an uncomfortable feeling inside of me. I quickly realized I was scared, but the feeling wasn't mine.

What's going on with Harry?

As If I had invoked him, Harry appeared from around the corner—a frantic look set deep in his green eyes. They widened when he saw me and he ran fast toward me.

"Take it!" He said breathless and urgent. He shoved a book at me.

"Harry what-"My words got stuck in my throat when I saw his wet and bloody robes. "Bloody-"

"Hide it!" He said. "Hurry!"

"What?" What did he do now?

"Hide the book, anywhere! Just hide it—where no one can find it." He began to push me away.

"Okay, okay!" I said annoyed. Wasting no time, he sprinted upstairs. Students turned to look at him bewildered.

Hide it? Where the hell am I supposed to hide it?

_The Room of Requirement _I mentally slapped myself on the forehead. Of course.

I ran up to the seventh floor that I had come to a lot in my last year.

_I need to hide Harry's book…I don't know why, but I do. _

_Show me a place to hide this damned book._

_I need to hide it where no one will find it._

When I stopped, I saw the door. I looked around to make sure no one was looking, but this corridor always seemed to be empty for a very odd reason of which I wasn't aware of.

I got in and almost forgot my purpose in here when I saw it.

It was huge! And it was almost completely full with all sorts of things. I couldn't help looking around as I walked. My oh my, this place had history.

Where could I hide this book and still remember where it was…wait; I have perfect memory. I'm going to remember every inch of this room no matter how much I try not to.

I shoved the book into a cupboard with a dead something in it.

Wait, what if Harry was the one that came to look for it?

This probably wasn't the only cupboard so I needed to make it stand out.

"Uhm…" I moved my hands in exasperation as I looked around. Then, I finally picked up a bust of someone really ugly and placed an old wig on it that sported a tiara.

Okay, now it's time for explanations.

I sprinted off to the common room where I waited for Harry. Forget eating right now, my stomach churned when I remembered the blood on Harry's robes. Just what trouble did he get himself into now?

"Do you realize you could have killed him?" I said my voice was almost low enough to be considered a whisper.

"Yes Alex." He said through gritted teeth. "I realize that."

Well it was good that he understood that. I refrained from scolding him, seeing as how if I were in his place I'd be seething. And besides, the scolding part was Hermione's job and she was mighty good at it. Ron defended Harry, but was bummed. Apparently, Harry had detention now and he wouldn't be assisting the next game. Now_ I _was worried about the team's fate.

Not standing everyone's sour mood, I announced I was going to sleep. It was most likely a lie; sleep was hard to come across nowadays.

"Oh, Alex!" Good. So Harry wasn't mad at me after all.

"Huh?" I stopped with a foot on the stairs and turned to them.

"Would you mind?"

I looked around in question. "What?"

"Playing in my place."

My expression crumpled in indecision. "I don't know Harry…"

"You're the best Alex, please." He had gone through enough shit already, how could I say no to him?

"Alright…uhm when is it?"

He looked at me in a way that made me feel stupid.

"It's Saturday."

"Right…okay." I raced up the stairs and heard a distant chuckle.

What the hell did I just get myself into? I hadn't played in three damn years. I didn't even feel the excitement that usually accompanied me when a game was coming. Would I ever feel anything that's not emptiness again? Would I ever have feelings that are my own and not Harry's?

* * *

"How are you feeling?" Harry asked as I sat on the table next to him.

"I'm not." I said looking in disgust at the food filled table.

"Yeah, I suggest you don't eat."

"I wasn't planning to."

I looked up to see my brother's saddened face.

"Hey, if it helps, I don't wanna play this game as much as you don't want to go to detention."

He didn't crack a smile. "You'll be great. You always are."

I turned away and discreetly shook my head.

It was horrible to part with my brother. He looked extremely depressed at the situation. I guess we all felt that way.

As soon as I went into the air, I began to feel the panic. What the hell was I thinking? What if I lost? Damn.

The other seeker was Cho Chang. I don't think she really liked me much, though she didn't show any of that dislike.

Luna commentated for the game again. I looked for the snitch, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible. Now and then I looked at the score; so far we were doing really well.

"LOOK OUT!" I turned and moved out of the way just as a bludger passed right where my head had been.

"Careful!" Ginny said as she passed by.

I looked over to see what Cho was doing. She was looking around anxiously.

My god, when is this damned snitch going to show itself?

In a sudden turn of my head a brief flash of light came my way. I did a double take and sure enough I saw the snitch extremely close to Ron.

Cho was looking in a completely different direction. Trying to get her not to notice me I zoomed on my broom towards Ron. His eyes widened when he saw me come at him at full speed. The snitch fluttered over to the bottom of one of the hoops. I turned my broom so that I went lower and towards it. Then the next thing I see is Ron's foot slamming into my nose. Warm blood began to run down.

"I'm sorry Alex!" Ron said in alarm.

"It's fine!" I growled. I lost the snitch and my nose felt like it was broken.

I flew a good distance away from Ron and listened as Luna announced my nose incident.

To top things off Cho was now observing me. I looked down to look for it and then it passed right by my foot. I turned and sped off in pursuit of the snitch. Then Cho was right next to me. Pushing me away.

"Hey!" I pushed her back. The snitched turned sharply and I went along with it—effectively hitting Cho with the end of my broom and throwing her off track.

I was almost there; I extended my hand towards it. And then my fingers wrapped around it. At the same time I felt a crushing blow to my stomach and I began to fall. Thank god I hadn't been too high up. I landed on my back. For a few minutes I couldn't move or breathe at all. Stars clouded my vision.

Before I passed out I thought:

_At least we won the game…_

I groaned in discomfort and opened my eyes. I didn't even have to wonder where I was. This was like my second bedroom.

"There's our hero!" My eyes turned to see the whole team crowded around me.

"What hit me?" I groaned.

"A bludger…and Ron's foot." I saw Ron turn red.

"It's not a real game if the seeker doesn't receive any injuries right?" My voice was hoarse. The team chuckled. "Shouldn't you guys be partying? We won."

"Yeah, we just wanted to see you first."

"Well you saw me now go."

"Thanks Alex." Ginny said; she grasped my hand. "We would have lost if you hadn't agreed to play."

"If that's what you really think."

A few minutes later they all left and I was left alone. Perfect.

Madame Pomfrey informed me I had a broken nose, three broken ribs and a neck fracture I obtained when I fell. I think I set a new record.

She also said I would be good to go tomorrow which, considering all my injuries, was amazing.

About two hours later, I had a really pleasant surprise.

Harry and Ginny came in, both sporting huge grins and holding hands. I raised a questioning eyebrow and they just shrugged.

"Congratulations sister." Harry said sitting next to me and ruffling my mousy brown hair. "I heard you were spectacular!"

I began to say something, but was cut off by Ginny.

"She was amazing—you should have seen her! She was even better than you! And that's saying something."

We laughed at her. "Harry wouldn't have gotten a broken nose, broken ribs, and fractured neck. Which, I might add, is really bothersome. Nope, he doesn't go over two injuries per game."

I was happy for them. They were obviously really happy. After they left telling me they would see me tomorrow, I began thinking of Edward. My hand went to my neck and with horror I realized it wasn't there. I began to prepare myself for screams, a fit and crazy running around, but then I noticed that my necklace was there on the bedside table with a note.

_I found it on the field. The clasp must have broken during the game, but I got it fixed. I know it's something you would kill for so here you go. _

_-Ginny _

I sighed with relief and quickly put it around my neck. It didn't belong there, but I was sure as hell not going to return it.

I looked at Edwards's picture for hours and eventually some sleep came for me.

I probably would have gotten more sleep, but my neck and ribs ached.

* * *

_Dear Alex, _

_Emmett gives you a high five for winning the game. It sounds like it was extremely good. We're all glad that you're recovering and at least the games are over, so that should keep you from getting hurt any further. Well things here haven't changed one bit so I won't bore you with repetitions. I would have never thought that Harry and Ginny would end up going out, but I suppose I'm happy for the two of them. How are you doing in school? Last time you told me it was hard to pay attention. Is it getting any better? Because really you can only keep your good marks for so long. So watch out for that. It should be anything but difficult for you. Fred and George keep asking about you so what do you think I should tell them? That you're alright? Or that you are suicidal (really hope it's the first)? Hang in there kid, the year is almost over. Answer as soon as possible and take care. The Cullens send all their love to you and hope that you are well. We all love you over here. _

_Sincerely,_

_Frank_

It still amazed me how easy it was to talk to Frank. He was so lighthearted about everything. He was a very good friend and his letters brought me great comfort. I immediately began to write a response.

I snickered as I heard Ginny talk about Harry and something about a tattoo.

"What do you got there Al?" Said Ginny, straining her neck to see, although it was useless since she was sitting on the floor and I on a chair.

"Letter." I said not breaking my concentration.

I left to sleep many hours later. There was no one else in the common room left. As I sat in one of the armchairs, I looked at the room, inspecting every corner. Was this what I would be condemned to in the future? When every one of my friends had moved on from this life, would I be in a room just looking at every single item in it every corner, just for the simple fact that there was absolutely nothing to do? I wouldn't move forward—I would only be stuck and alone.

Well, that is if I survived whatever I had ahead of me with Voldemort.

With a sigh I got up and left to have an unwelcome sleep.

* * *

"Hey Alex!" I heard and saw Harry running towards me.

I turned back around to observe the lake and waited for him to arrive.

"Yeah?" I munched on the toast I had gotten from the kitchens.

"Dumbledore wants us." He said.

"Well," I stopped to take the last bite and threw the crust to the lake, something would eat it soon. "Then we shouldn't make him wait."

We both sprinted back to the castle.

"Do you know what it's about?" I was beginning to lose my breath.

"I think he might have found a horcrux." He panted. "Although I'm not enti-"

A there was a crash and a scream. Harry and I both stopped startled. We turned around the corner and saw Trelawney sprawled on the floor looking more comical than ever.

I half wished we hadn't stopped to help her up. I needed no more reasons to hate Snape.

I should have been mad when I heard it, but I was more numb than anything. Despite Harry's rage, I just couldn't bring myself to feel anything about it. Surely the anger would catch up with me later?

My heart raced with Harry's fury as he shouted at Dumbledore.

So much in my life would have changed if Snape hadn't told Voldemort, but the only thought that stood out in my dense mind…was that I wouldn't have met Edward had my life been any other way.

Was that good or bad?

How could he have become the center of my universe so fast? I felt weak and pathetic.

I needed to free myself of that hold he had me in. I needed to stop feeling so weak and pathetic and unable to look after myself.

There was fear inside me, but I still agreed to follow Dumbledore's every order. And with that, I set off with him and my brother.

****

* * *

**maybe it's not much to you guys, but reviews are still very much welcome**

-airali


	30. a lack of color

** it has been to long and profoundly apologize to anyone that was itching to read more **

**this is rather short but i need to add it **

**i'll try and update soon(but i make no promises)**

**enjoy**

**-airali**

_Tick, tock, tick, tock._

It kept marking each passing second, taunting me as every minute passed. Screaming at me that it was another hour and she still wasn't back. A month had already passed by and I had not lost the hope that one day the bedroom door would open and she would come bounding towards me with a tear stained face—that she would take me into her warm, comforting arms and tell me that she will never ever leave me again.

I had not lost that hope.

_Tick, tock, tick, tock. _

Until now.

I was disconnected. It was like watching myself from third person point of view. My arm reached for the small clock that stood on the bedside table. With a simple flick of my hand the clock smashed against the opposite wall. It crumbled and the wall was marked.

The noise was gone and that's all that mattered. My eyes maintained themselves on the remains and I came to the realization it was the first sign of movement I had done in a while, besides breathing.

Was I waking up? It didn't feel like it. I felt like I was in a nightmare, for I was well aware that the moment that I truly did wake up, it would be because she was back in my arms.

I blinked and turned my head. There was something off about this room.

The smell.

I raised my head off of the bed and smelled the air although I didn't need to. I already knew I wasn't being deceived.

For a month, the only thing that had held me prisoner in this room had been the sweet aroma that went in through my nostrils and left a fiery path throughout my whole body. Now, as I inspected the room, I realized it was gone. My scent had overruled it and kicked hers out of the room. The same way I had, unaware of it, kicked her out of my life.

Nothing else was left of her; this was a stranger's bedroom. A bedroom I was not familiar with.

A desolate cry became stuck in my throat and choked me.

What's going to happen? What am I supposed to do now? I couldn't forget her, I would never forget her, but what was I supposed to do? Drag her back here by force?

I would never do that.

How is it that I left Bella and, despite all the pain that I put her through, she still wanted me? Whereas with Alex, I never left her—I never even dreamed of abandoning her, yet she left me and most likely hated me? But of course, a moment was all I could ever expect to have from perfection. Nothing more.

She had to leave for me to realize that I chose her over Bella—that Alex was not the one that I could possibly live without. What good was it now? I couldn't do anything about it now. Even if I did, would I do it? Could I possibly abandon Bella when she was my burden to bear? Leaving her would be against everything I am. It would go against the way in which I was raised. It would go against my morals.

But staying with her would be going against my heart, for I was well aware that although it felt like it was on razors edge, it was still there—beating with a small glow of hope that only fades when everything is completely lost. Hope can drive a man insane; I was nearly at that point. The point in which you know not, which is reality and which is fantasy. It is no lie that I had often clearly heard her soft endearing laugh. Often I had heard my name clearly being whispered by her affectionate voice. And often I had found myself vividly remembering her velvet-like touches against my skin.

Now, all that seemed to be gone by the simple absence of her malicious essence.

_It's time to face reality brother. _

Alice's fleeting thought intersected my troubled mind before disappearing completely. She was right. It was time for me to face the situation at hand. I had to apologize to my family, for I had done a great rudeness to them all.

I had to at least push my agonizing thoughts of Alex as far as possible in my mind. At least while I settled all the other problems.

I didn't have the need to move. I had not moved in a month except for the constant contraction and expansion of my lungs. Yet, that didn't mean I would not have that uncomfortable sensation of stiffness. Just before I left though the balcony, I took a single last look at this stranger's bedroom.

The short run to the house had no effect on me whatsoever. All my moves were automatic, mechanical, empty.

Before I was even over the threshold, Esme's arms were tightly wrapped around my neck and she sobbed dryly on my chest.

I was supposed to feel remorse right now, wasn't I?

But damnit! I was devoid of any emotion. All the pain was too great to allow me to focus on other feelings.

"Sometimes…" She whispered, her hand stroked the back of my head tenderly. "You have to lose the one you love to realize just how much you love them."

That wasn't true. I was well aware of how much I loved Alex even before she left.

"Edward…Carlisle once told you, that if she was the one then things would work out." I pulled back from her. Her lips trembled from suppressed sobs. She raised her hand and stroked the side of my face.

It didn't feel like Alex's touch.

"This could be a test Edward. If you're strong, then one way or another, she will come back. She has to if she really is the one meant for you."

Her words sprung no inspiration in me. I simply numbly listened. I became aware of the rest as they descended from the staircase. I received sympathetic embraces, none of which I truly felt.

"I bet she needs you just as much as you need her."

She wouldn't have left if the was the truth.

_We'll let you talk to Bella._ Carlisle thought at me. I nodded at him and they all began exiting the house. I watched with disdain as they all began to head out, hand in hand with their partners. Jealousy licked at my insides—their relationships had always been perfect and simple.

"Wait." On cue they all turned and looked at me. "I have to apologize for the rude way in which I treated you all this month. It was out of line."

"All is forgotten Edward." Esme came forward and kissed my cheek again. She gave me a tender look and then left with the rest.

I was alone with only Bella in here. I never did think I would be able to put off this moment for too long. Old machines in my brain seemed to come to life and begin working. Sending me messages telling me what I had to do now.

My feet felt as if were bound to heavy chains as I walked up to my room where I knew she was awaiting me. My heart seemed stuck at my throat, ready for me to vomit it out. And, for the first time in two centuries, I felt tired and drained of any energy.

My hand felt heavier than my own body as I opened the door of the room.

There she sat, on the couch, looking at me through eyes so full of mixed emotions that I was forced to cast my eyes to the ever so immaculate golden carpet. Her gaze burned holes through my bowed head and created a sensation of worthlessness that mimicked to perfection the very core of my being.

I was utterly lost for words. Had I created any mental speech of what I was to say to her, it would have all gone to the gutter in that one fraction of a second in which her eyes connected with mine.

Shame washed through me as I remembered my last words to her before now. With raging madness, I had almost literally told her how much I had regretted marrying her. For if I had known and lived then, what I know and have lived now, I would have most definitely never even considered marrying this innocent woman. Despite the numerous ways in which I had come to harm her, and despite the way in which I had so greatly failed her, the deep love she claimed to have towards me remained strong and unconditional. Who could possibly not want someone like her? And yet here I was—wanting someone that was clearly not her.

"Edward…" Had she been human, she would have been an ocean of tears. But now she could cry, wail, and moan all she wanted, but not a single tear would fall. This is what she wanted right?

I don't know if she was the one that came to me or if I went to her, I wasn't watching, but suddenly she was clinging to me, her arms tightly wrapped around my waist. I don't recall moving a muscle.

"I love you." She murmured. I left her to believe the best of my silence. I couldn't answer without hurting her. Instead, I searched in her the scent I was missing so much, the same scent which I feared…but I didn't find it in her.

Now, with her in my arms, and with Alex gone—possibly forever—it was painfully plain to see who I truly wanted and loved.

I loved Bella. She had been so much for me, but I had learned to accept she had left. In a year, I had learned to put her in my past. Despite the fact that she was here now…to me…she was still in my past, I couldn't live in the past. Alex was my present and I desperately wanted her to be my future.

She had to leave for me to realize what I wanted; now it was too late. The only thing left to do was my duty. There was no going back.

"Why are we allowing her to come in between us?" Her soft voice was a cue that my part was next.

"Bella…" I could hardly recognize my own voice as I spoke. I placed my hands on either side if her beautiful face…and it felt so wrong. "We're going to work on us."

Bella's eyes lit up and mine slipped into a coma.

She stood on her toes and her lips reached to mine. Seconds later, I realized I was supposed to respond. I had shared many firsts with Bella: first love, first kiss, first girlfriend…I just never thought I would ever share with her an unwilling kiss. At this moment I was proved wrong.

Screams of frustration built up and infiltrated my lungs. How did my life take such a wrong turn in such a short amount of time? I would be condemned to this for the rest of my existence. Maybe this was the only possible way to atone for my sins. It seemed like the perfect punishment.

"Thank you." She breathed against my mouth. It wasn't the voice I wanted to hear. Her hands wrapped around my hair and she pressed her forehead against mine. "We're going to get the life we wanted."

This wasn't the life I wanted.

"Bella." I took her by the wrists and made her pull back. "I want to make this work… but I need…some time. I need to make sense of what's happening and…this isn't the best of moments and I really just need…time."

"I understand." She placed a chaste kiss and talked again. "I'm going to be there for you always Edward. And we'll make it through together, like we used to. You're my husband and I'm going always be with you."

It took great effort to suppress my grimace. I looked at her and nodded.

Maybe Bella saw that I was unhappy. How could she not? Everyone else noticed. Perhaps she just found some minor excuse to justify my dull existence.

Esme talked to me once, while she and I hunted. She didn't agree with what I was doing. She didn't think it fair for me or for her. I didn't listen. I didn't listen to anything anymore.

January and February passed by, and had I taken any time to pay attention to Bella, I would have been amazed by all of her patience with me. Some part of me hoped that, some day, she would just get up and leave. I realized I was wrong. She was as stubborn as ever.

The rest of the family spent an increasing amount of time with the Weasleys. I never received any news from Alex, but I never did ask about her. I simply wondered and ached. That is until they started to write to her.

"Ron was poisoned." Everyone was immediately attentive to Frankie's news. I turned my head slightly from the book I was trying to make sense out of. News about Ron might mean news about Alex.

"How?" Esme's eyes were wide and worried.

"Molly told me it happened today, in the morning. It's his birthday and apparently he ate some chocolates with some sort of love potion in them—"

"Why would he do that?" Emmett interrupted.

"I don't think Ron was aware of it. Harry took him to Slughorn's—the potions teacher—so he could give him some antidote. So, they got it all fixed, and then Slughorn invited them to drink butterbeer or something of the sort. It turns out that it was poisoned."

"Only Ron got poisoned?" Alice asked.

"He was the first to drink apparently."

"How did they save him?"

"Harry used some antidote. I'm glad he was rather quick to think. Afterwards, Hermione and Alex arrived and they got Slughorn to go get someone."

My ears must have grown an inch at the mention of Alex. I turned my head to face them. Bella didn't fail to notice—a frown etched her features in reaction.

"How could it be poisoned?" Carlisle asked. His worry showed on all of our faces. "I believe I heard that the security at the school was good…"

"No one knows how it got slipped in."

"Do you think they were trying to poison the Potters?"

Rosalie's question made me stiffen. They all noticed and Frankie quickly negated this theory.

"Slughorn said it was going to be a present to Dumbledore. So that's who it was aimed for."

If it had been so easy to slip that in then it would be equally easy to try and hurt Alex.

"Edward, Alex is safe." Frankie attempted to assure me.

"I'm not so sure about that." I stood up and left the house.

The creek was empty…of course; I never expected to find her here. It was like she had never even set foot in this place.

I sat on a rock at the edge of the creek. It was still an amazing place. Alex's presence just enhanced it.

Was she truly safe at that place? Would she be better off here, under the protection of seven vampires and a wizard? It was difficult to decide, although, it really wouldn't make a difference.

What was she doing right now?

A picture began forming in my mind. She was probably at the hospital wing, clad in her black robes. She probably looked radiant as she sat there around her friends, discussing today's events.  
_"You have no idea…how much I curse the day I met you…"_

The sentence still stung me—another slash on razors edge.

"Edward?" I turned like a snake ready to attack. Bella stood at the edge of the opening of the creek. Her stance was wary.

What was she doing here? Only two people were allowed to be here and she wasn't one of them! Was she determined to taint every single place that reminded me of her?

"Leave!" I said coldly and turned back to glower at the water.

"Edward, talk to me…"

I was suddenly before her. I roughly grabbed her jaw with one of my hands and hissed, "You aren't welcomed here. Get out!"

She stared in complete shock when I released her jaw. She choked back a sob and fled.

How dare she infiltrate mine and Alex's place? She had no right to be here. No one did.

The days had passed. It could have been months, but I cannot be sure. Everyone went around in their own business. Bella was upstairs talking to Alice, perfectly aware that I was present in the house.

"I just don't know what to do anymore! I really wouldn't be surprised if she did something to get him this way."

Then came my rage. The closest thing to me was the piano, and breaking it would not be a good idea. _She_ had touched the same piano many times before.

"Bella, she did nothing to him—they both fell in love. I'm sure she's not coping well either." Alice was frustrated. She loved Alex as much as she loved Bella. Surely she didn't enjoy the constant daggers Bella threw at Alex.

"They're not in love." She said quietly to herself.

I hit the piano keys with my fist (not hard enough to break it). She stopped the moment she heard the noise.

_Frankie's coming! _Alice and I knew what that meant: Alex had written back again.

Alice ran down the stairs and opened the door. Seconds later, I heard a loud crack indicating he was here. The whole family knew this sound. They all gathered in the living room.

It all went as usual: they greeted him and he sent a polite nod my way which I returned just as politely. It seemed like an eternity before he sat down and began to read the contents of the letter.

I repressed my grimace when Bella came to stand behind me with her hands on my shoulders.

"Dear Frankie –and all of the Cullen's," Frankie began. "Your letters really get me through these tedious days, so keep them coming. This time, I do have stories to tell. I take pride in saying that I actually paid more attention to what's going around me this time."

Did this mean she was having a good time? I hoped she was.

"We won the house cup!"

Frankie's words were cut off by a loud whooping Emmett clapped his hands and cheered noisily.

"That's what I'm talking about! I knew Harry and the rest could do it!"

"Emmett, shut up." I said annoyed—wanting to hear more of what she wrote.

He made a face at me, but remained quiet.

"I'm sitting in the a bed at the hospital wing as I write this—"

Panic made my body become stiff and turned my insides cold.

"The reason being, that I played in Harry's position. He was unable to play the next game for cursing Malfoy, so he asked me to play in his place. Unwillingly, I agreed to do it. Really, the game went very well…until Ron kicked my face and broke my nose."

On cue, Emmett's boisterous laugh reverberated all around the room and even Jasper grinned. I was beside myself in worry. How serious was it?

Bella's hands began massaging my back. I fought the impulse to shake her away.

"On accident of course. Quidditch isn't known for being a safe game after all. Still, it was all good. I was still coherent…until I caught the snitch and the bludger hit my stomach. After that I fell off my broom and passed out.

But we won!

I'm better now. I just broke my nose, three broken ribs and I fractured my neck. She patched me up, but said I needed to stay until tomorrow. Gryffindor must be partying right now. And Harry must be ecstatic, especially now that he has a girlfriend. He and Ginny got together today after the game, so you all should congratulate them. I can't wait for tomorrow. I hate spending time in here. What's going on over there? Of course, there's not much to do at Forks, but life with the Cullen's is always interesting. I love you all, Alex."

Frankie closed the letter and looked at us. They were all smiling at her words.

She wrote as if nothing was going on. As if she didn't know I was in such a bad state because of her. As if there had never been anything between us.

I heard what I wanted to hear, so I stood up from the piano bench, from where I had been perched at, and headed up to my room.

"Edward."

I hated being alone in the house with Bella.

"Yes?" I stared at the picture of Hogwarts. I had finally begun to read the book Alex had given me. I looked at its pictures and I imagined Alex walking through the castles corridors. Bella's face came into view and she was biting her lip.

I didn't fight her off as she put her hands on my cheeks and pressed her mouth to mine. I'd hurt her enough. Instead, I blindly put down the book and kissed her back, trying to at least fool her. Her tongue pressed against my lips—reluctantly, I opened my mouth to hers.

It was horrible—kissing someone and thinking of someone else. It would always be like that for me.

Being too caught up with my mental image of Alex, I thought nothing of it when she got on top of me on the couch. She moaned—I remained quiet.

The first time I kissed Alex. The memory was crystal clear. Her eyes were scared and unsure, her movements as hesitant as I felt. Her lips had been white and dry from so much cold, but it was the happiest moment of my life. Better than the day of my wedding, better than my first kiss with Bella. Maybe because she had been the one to kiss me, because I had been sure that I could never have anything with her. With Bella, I had known she had affection for me. I had been completely blind regarding Alex's feelings, therefore I had been beyond elated when I felt her lips against my own.

Flesh against my own skin made me cringe away from her and push her off of me.

"What in—"

I was out the bedroom door in two seconds.

"Edward!" I heard her call; I ignored it. Then she was at the front door, blocking me.

"Edward what's—"

"Move, I don't want to talk right now."

"Well if you want this to work—"

"I can't…" I breathed hard and pinched the bridge of my nose. "I can't do that just yet."

"Why not? You asked for time. It's been months and you don't seem willing to work on us!"

"Things aren't as simple as you make them out to be. Move out of the way Bella."

"No! Why are you pining after her so much—"

"I love her!" I roared. She flinched.

"What about me?"

I took a deep breath. There was no need to shout. I just needed to sit down and talk this out with her. I planted myself on the sofa and covered my face with my hands. Beside me, the couch sunk and I felt a hand, which I badly wanted to shake away, at my leg.

"Edward if she loved you she wouldn't have left you."

Another reason to not want to be with Bella. This wasn't the same girl I had known, the one I had loved. Bella would have never thrown dirt at anyone the way she was doing it with Alex. Every word she spoke about Alex was poison.

"I left you once. That didn't mean I didn't love you."

She grimaced, I'm sure she was remembering that time in her life. I wondered how clear those memories were to her.

"But you came back."

And she wouldn't. Had Alex ever really loved me at all? That was just a new thought to torture me.

"I still love her." I wished she would just stop talking; her words just hurt me more.

"Are you sure? Maybe she did something to you…"

I laughed—a cold steely chuckle that made her uncomfortable by the look on her face.

"Even if she doesn't return my feelings, I know her enough to be sure that she wouldn't do something of the sort. And it's more difficult than you make it sound.

Besides, it really doesn't matter anymore whether she felt the same way about me as I do her. What matters is that I still love her. And I still need more time if you want this to work."

"And how much time is Edward? Years?"

"What if it is?"

"I'll wait." I knew that stubborn face. She wasn't lying.

"Then do not pressure me."

I stood from the couch and left the house.

I didn't know what I would get out of this, but still I ran to Frankie's house. He would be awake. I opened the door and saw him sitting on the couch looking through a book. His head turned up alarmed.

_Edward!_ He mentally sighed. _What in the world—_

"I need to see her." I stood there breathing heavily, although I had no reason to.

"What?" He set his book down looked at me quizzically.

"I need you to take me to her. I need to see her. I need to talk to her." More like beg her to come back. I had no problem getting down on my knees for her.

"Edward, take a deep b—"

"No! I don't know what to do without her! I'm nothing! I can't make sense of anything around me. I _need_ my best friend back…"

She was everything to me. She was my family, my life, my best friend, my companion. She was my soul mate in every sense of the word. I've often heard that no one dies of love. I felt like I was proving all the people that believed that wrong.

"Edward, I can't just take you over to a school so you can grovel! Be serious Edward, get your mind clear!"

"I can't, not without her."

I pulled on my hair in frustration. "It's just…it's not only affecting me…it's affecting the entire family. We all need her." The horrible choking sounds, I realized, were mine.

"Come on mate, just…here, sit." I allowed him to guide me to the sofa. "Edward, this is what she decided. We need to respect her wishes."

"I need her…" I was unable to raise my voice above a whisper.

"I reckon she does too, but it's going to take a while for her to break. She's a tough cookie."

"Wish I was like her. It's just…I can't get her out of my mind at all. Every little thing is a reminder of her. Even Bella—I look at her and I compare her to Alex. Even my damn books remind of a time in which she was looking through them. I'm going crazy."

"I can't even…begin to imagine what you must be going through…but you have to bear it and wait for things to get better."

"I don't think they will. I think I just lost her forever."

"Don't think that way."

There was a knock on the door we both looked at it.

"It's my family." I sighed and ran a hand over my face.

"Come in!" Frankie called.

Esme was the first to enter. "I'm sorry, it's just that Bella said she didn't know where you were and you don't have your phone on you."

"Oh, yeah, I'm sorry." I mumbled looking anywhere but them.

I felt her embrace and I knew they had heard most of our conversation.

"Edward…" Alice spoke, "Don't lose hope, she could come back."

"What if she does? What happens with Bella?"

"Edward, you've tried to please others for too long! Now it's time for you to choose your own happiness. If she does come back, and you choose Bella, you're going to live like you are right now. Frankly, I don't think that's much of a life for either of you."

I remained quiet. Their gazes made me uncomfortable.

"But you won't choose Bella if you are ever given the option." contributed Rosalie.

"It doesn't…even matter." I looked at them all and stood up. "She's not going to come back anyway. She's gone."

Before anyone could say any more, a silvery mist I knew too well came into the room and quickly formed into a weasel. It stood on its hind legs and spoke with Arthur Weasley's voice.

_Hogwarts been attacked! _

The room momentarily spun.

"Alex…" I was the one to whisper.


	31. cant be saved

**hey guys **

**i hope you all had an awesome thanksgiving and ate lots of turkey **

**i was quite thankful to my beta for handing me back this chapter yesterday **

**she really is the best **

**i hope you all like this **

**i already started the next chapter and am looking forward to getting all of the words inside my mind to the computer **

**enjoy!**

**-airali**

* * *

**Alex's P.O.V**

My heart beat in time with the chatter of my teeth as Harry and I stood in the cave, both completely soaked and observing, as Dumbledore examined every inch of the cave. I was completely grateful when Dumbledore seemed to remember Harry and me, and got us dry.

"Professor?" I began tentatively, "What exactly are you looking at? I mean for obvious reasons, it's a wall but-"

"Don't be fooled by appearances Alex." He pressed his fingertips to the wall and felt it the way a blind person would feel Braille text. "You have to know that Voldemort would never make the entrance to something as important as his soul so plainly seen—no, he's much smarter than that."

"So there's a hidden entrance somewhere in here?" Harry asked.

"Most definitely. Oh yes, there's magic all over the cave…" he walked around the whole cave touching some places here and there. "And it is here." His hand rested on a rock wall on the left side of the cave. I didn't question how he knew it. The tone in his voice told me that he was right.

Harry and I watched attentively as he stood back, pointing his wand at the wall. A brilliant white light appeared, marking an arch on the stone. Just as we began to think he'd actually opened it, the light went out and the arch disappeared. So what were we supposed to do? Dance and praise it?

Dumbledore lowered his wand and resumed the close inspection of the stone wall. Both Harry and I were silent for fear of breaking his concentration.

"Oh, surely not." He murmured so soft I barely caught it. "So crude..."

"What is it, Professor?" Harry spoke from beside me.

"I rather think," As he spoke he drew out a small silver knife from inside his robes, "That we are required to make payment to pass."

He explained his reasoning behind the theory. How much more sadistic could Voldemort get?

I winced as I saw Dumbledore swiftly run the knife down his arm, making blood splatter in the process. It hit the wall and the outlined arch reappeared. This time it opened.

I never noticed when Dumbledore healed his arm. I was too focused on observing what was inside the opening. I had no idea on what to expect from the place except danger. My heart seemed to register it too, for the beats sounded slightly uneven to my ears. I could see nothing but complete darkness.

Dumbledore walked in and Harry and I quickly followed while lighting our wands to see what awaited us inside.

I hadn't known what to expect but I didn't expect to see this. We were in some sort of…cavern I was not sure if it was too dark to see the ceiling or id it was simply too high to see. We stood at the edge of a pitch black lake that seemed too calm to be inviting, too cold. On the center of the lake was some sort of minute island. It was illuminated with a slight green glow all around it. Besides our wands, it was the only source of light in the vast darkness. I felt like I could cut it with a knife from how dense it seemed to be.

Dumbledore walked and warned us not to touch the water. Inside me some instinct warned me, telling me they were dangerous waters, highly dangerous considering the wizard that put them here. It seemed like every small sound we took was a thousand times magnified in the quiet darkness and it put me on edge. We walked but I didn't know what we were searching for. I highly doubted that the horcrux was just there on the ground.

My gaze turned up to the small island.

_Is it here?_ I questioned myself, not expecting Harry to hear. But he did and he voiced my thought to Dumbledore who assured us that it was.

I was desperate to leave this place, though not empty handed.

"I think" I spoke and my own nervous voice echoing momentarily scared me, "it's there"

They turned and looked to where I was pointing.

"But how do we get there?" Dumbledore mused.

I didn't think Harry's summoning charm was going to work, and it didn't. I was fast beginning to learn how much of a challenge Voldemort was and soon I understood just a bit more of how his mind seemed to work. My heart sped up when I saw the waters reaction to the summoning charm, more like the thing in the water's reaction. Jumping back in fright I hit my head on the back wall a bit too hard.

So how the fuck were we supposed to get that horcrux? Surely not swimming….I tried to not imagine the many creatures that could be invading the water right now, probably observing us. I dint question Dumbledore when he asked us to step back, that he thought he found the place. I didn't understand him but I would soon find out anyway.

I had no idea of what he meant when he said that magic leaves traces, all I knew was that he had found a boat and now we had to cram inside of it with me sitting on Harry's lap.

Something moved in the water and it made me gasp in terror. I gripped Harry's arm and pressed myself closer to his chest. There was an arm sinking into the water. I had no doubt of what I saw.

"There's-there's" my voice trembled "people, in the water" my heart pounded in my ears, almost making me deaf to anything else. I was sick and I wanted to vomit. It was marble white, like Edwards skin color…

Harry gasped and I followed his sight. A complete dead body floated inches under the surface. I immediately tore my eyes from the awful sight. Dumbledore's calm reassurances and explanations did nothing to make feel even close how he seemed to feel. I admit I was scared, and Harry was too, but I did not regret coming along. Who knew; maybe later on we would face much worse things. I trusted we would get out of here alive with Dumbledore, yet my thoughts went to Edward and the way he had looked the last time I saw him. I covered my face with my hands—trying to get rid of the bad memories.

After what seemed like ages, the boat came to a stop and Dumbledore helped me out of it. Harry followed out carefully. It was a small island—maybe as big as my own room. The greenish light that seemed to emanate from the whole island only came from a stone basin.

Approaching the basin, I saw it was filled with some sort of green looking liquid. Whatever it was, it was not safe. So the fear that overtook me when Dumbledore said he had to drink it was completely understandable.  
Dumbledore's electric blue eyes met with Harry's and mine from across the basin.

"You remember the condition on which I brought you both here with me?"

Realizing what he was about to say, I began shaking my head.

"No. No we-we can't—wh-what—"

"I warned you, didn't I—that this might be dangerous?"

"Yes but—" I looked as Harry began to protest.

"Well then, you have my orders," He began shaking back his sleeves ready to begin drinking.

"Why can't I drink it instead?" Harry asked. I didn't like that idea any more than the previous one. I would rather take it, but I could conform to sharing it with Harry.

Harry dropped it when he saw that Dumbledore would not allow such thing. And then his piercing blue eyes met my dull black ones—searching for reassurance that I would follow his orders. I looked down at the potion, unable to hold his powerful gaze.

"Alexandra, look at me." I couldn't ignore his request and I attempted once more to look into his searching eyes.

"You must promise that should I stop drinking this potion, you will help to keep me drinking."

I realized as he said this that I was shaking. I wanted to say no, but then he would most likely make me leave.

"This is important Alex." He said softly.

I could not speak, so I nodded and I felt moisture run down one of my cheeks.

I didn't listen to what he said next. I simply looked down at the basin and watched how, with every time that the cup sunk into the potion, there became less and less liquid in the basin.

What if he dies? What if this…thing kills him? Harry and I would be responsible for his death. I didn't think I could cope with the death of another loved one.

"Alex! Alex!" I flinched when I heard Harry's panicked voice shout at me. Then I registered the shouts reverberating throughout the cavern. My head turned on instinct towards Dumbledore, who had sunk to his knees and was sobbing. For how long did I zone out?

Never had I seen Dumbledore, a man that was always calm and composed—a man from which reassurance always seemed to emanate, so frightened and broken.

In my panic I didn't catch what Dumbledore was mumbling. But I did hear Harry trying to reassure him and trying to make him drink.

I uselessly watched until Dumbledore completely fell and began crying and screaming like a child for it to stop. I rushed to his side placing his head on my lap.

"Calm down Professor!" I cried. "It's all right…" I turned to Harry who was already rising to fill the next cup.

"KILL ME!"

Harry came down to my side to try and give him more.

"Stop it!" This time it was me screaming. "Leave him alone!"

I tried slapping away the cup, but Harry held on to it tightly.

"We promised!" He bellowed at me.

"You're going to kill him!" Again, he tried to bring the cup to Dumbledore's sobbing lips and I tried to make him drop it. And then I felt something strike my cheek, leaving it stinging and hot. I looked in shock at Harry, who didn't give me a single glance, as he took advantage of my shock to give Dumbledore the potion. Rivers of tears ran down my cheeks as I gingerly touched my fingertips to the spot where my brother had struck me.

"Alex!" I hadn't noticed when Harry stood up again to refill the cup, and I didn't notice when Dumbledore began rolling off of my lap and towards the lake. Without standing up, I threw myself towards his body to keep it from going into the water.

I held him in place and shook him when I realized he wasn't awake anymore.

"Pro-professor!" I shouted. "No, no, no! You can't be—no!"

Harry's expression was horrified and he tried to make him wake up.

My heart took a fresh breath when Dumbledore's eyes flickered open and he asked for water.

"Harry will get you some water, Professor." I assured him. I watched as Harry attempted to fill the cup with water.

"What's going on Harry?"

"The water..." He explained. "It's disappearing."

"What do you mean it's disappearing?"

"It just disappears out of the cup!"

I glanced down at the silent black lake. Now I understood how those things could begin to attack us.

"Water!" He screamed again. Harry glanced at me and I shakily nodded.

"Be careful." I whispered.

Harry went to the very edge of the rock and dove the cup into the water. My loud gasp rang in the cavern as I saw that when Harry's hand came back into view a white hand was gripping his forearm.

Bodies emerged from everywhere in the water. And Harry was being pulled into the water.

"Harry!" I uselessly screamed. If I went after him then Dumbledore could fall. If I didn't…

I took a firm hold of my wand—inferi where rounding up around Dumbledore and I.

"_Stupefy!" _The inferi I was pointing to fell back, but the others advanced. I couldn't fight them off—there were too many. I shrieked when, behind me, I felt an icy hand take a hold of me. The inferi's fingers curled around my arm painfully.

I felt Dumbledore's head leave my lap and I wasn't sure whether it was because he had gotten up, or because he had been pulled away from me. At the moment I was too preoccupied with the inferi that were grabbing at me, to notice anything else. They pulled and scratched at me and I futilely attempted to get them off of me by shouting different hexes.

Crimson flames lightened the cave and my attackers released me. I looked at Dumbledore. He was standing with his wand pointed upwards and expelling the flames from the tip. Without a second thought, I scrambled to the water where Harry had disappeared and jumped into it. For a moment the icy water paralyzed me, but I was quickly able to regain my senses and looked—for it was deeper than I thought. The lower I went the more inferi I saw—all cowering from the light the fire was bringing. And I saw Harry there in the arms of an inferi. He could barely struggle anymore. It was darker down here and the inferi were rounding up on me. I grabbed Harry by his shirt and began going up, kicking the inferi that tried to hold on to Harry.

Cold hands gripped and squeezed at my throat. I struggled to get the body away from me. The fire neared me and the inferi quickly fled along with the one trying to pull Harry. Quickly, I reached the surface and made it to the edge of the rocks.

Looking at Harry, I pressed on his stomach and he spluttered water from his mouth.

"Come on!" I said, quickly pulling him to his feet and hurrying over to Dumbledore who had already taken the locket. We all squeezed into the boat once more. The ring of fire that Dumbledore had created followed us to keep the inferi from coming close to us.

Harry in his shaken state looked at me, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah…" I busied myself by warily eyeing the water. I felt his fingers at my neck from where that thing had grabbed me. I winced; its nails had dug into my skin and made me bleed.

We reached to other side and I quickly and carefully got out of the boat and helped both Harry and Dumbledore out. He was very weak and when he was out of the boat, he dropped his hand and the flames came to an end. No inferi came after us and the boat disappeared under the water.

Both Harry and I helped guide Dumbledore back towards the entrance. I did not feel well when Dumbledore congratulated us for doing well. I didn't think we'd done any good.

Harry rubbed his bloodied arm across the wall and once again the entrance opened to us. Together Harry and I guided him back into the cold water.

"It's all right sir," Harry and I tried to reassure him. "We'll be back soon."

"I'm not worried." Said Dumbledore in his weak voice, "I've got the both of you."

I'd be worried if I was in his place. Nonetheless we made it out of the cave safe and then, both placing as much concentration as our mind allowed it, we made it back to Hogsmeade safe; All of us in one piece.

Panic came back when Dumbledore sunk to his knees. I was positive we had been successful with the apparition so it wasn't because of that. Harry began talking of going up to Hogwarts to go get Snape and I happened to look up at the sky.

No…

With a shaky hand I gripped at Harry's shoulder.

"Harry it's the dark mark!" I whispered and pointed up at the sky. I felt Harry's own horror add up to my own and overwhelm me.

"We need to—"

A door nearby opened, effectively cutting me off.

"Albus what happened?" I recognized Madame Rosmerta's voice.

"Rosmerta, when did that appear?" Dumbledore ignored Madame Rosmerta's question as he gripped Harry's shoulder to try and get up. Quickly, I tried to help him up.

"Must have been minutes ago, it wasn't there when—"

"We need to get up to the castle as soon as possible." Dumbledore said in a slightly stronger voice.

Madame Rosmerta gave us some of her old brooms. Harry and I were just about to get on them when Dumbledore stopped us.

"Alex, go with Harry on the same broom. Harry, cover the both of yourselves with the invisibility cloak."

And quickly Harry and I did as we were told.

While on the air, Harry and I carefully watched out for Dumbledore should he fall off his broom, but he seemed steady enough.

I tried to keep my thoughts away from anything related to the dark mark staining the night sky. But such attempts resulted impossible.

What was going on in there? But more importantly who had been…killed?

We neared the castle and I heard Dumbledore speak words of which I could not understand. But as soon as we crossed the castle I understood he was undoing his enchantments that protected the castle. We dismounted the brooms in the astronomy tower; the mark was directly above it. However, there was no sign of a struggle in here. Nothing at all….

"Professor what's going on?" I asked. Did something even happen? My gut told me that something had happened or was about to happen.

"Go get Snape." Dumbledore said. "Tell him what happened. Do not speak to anyone or stop. Do not remove your cloak—hurry."

"But sir—"

"You both swore to obey me—go!"

I was close to Harry's own feet as he hurried over to the door when we heard footsteps running up to where we were. Dumbledore motioned for us to step back and as we did so the door burst open.

"_Expelliarmus_!"

Draco Malfoy had entered the room and disarmed Dumbledore who stood right by the window. I tried to move to disarm him, but I realized that I couldn't—I couldn't move a single muscle, but it wasn't out of fear or shock or any of the sorts. This was all of Dumbledore's doing for Harry was incapable of moving as well.

Dumbledore, was very pale was still, but very calm about the whole situation. Which was more than I can say for myself or Harry.

Harry…Harry had been right. Malfoy had been up to something and nobody had believed him…If I'd helped him out to try and find something that would discover Malfoy then maybe, just maybe, this wouldn't be happening. But what the hell was Malfoy's purpose? Surely it wasn't to kill Dumbledore. He would never be capable of doing such thing…could he?

Of course he could. He almost killed Katie, he poisoned Ron, and I still question if he could be capable of murder?

_Harry we have to do something!_

_**But what? Neither of us can move!**_

A desperate cry was stuck in my throat as I was unable to open my mouth to let it out.

Some sort of hope flickered inside me when I heard that the Order was here battling the death eaters that Malfoy had somehow managed to smuggle in. Having a slightly better ear than Harry, I could distantly hear the commotion that seemed to be happening close by. As the conversation between Malfoy and Dumbledore progressed I listened closely and observed how Dumbledore's strength seemed to slightly leave him.

"Someone's dead." That's what Malfoy had said, "One of your people."

My stomach became sick and I felt faint. Yet, my knees wouldn't give out although they wanted to—badly. My heart hammered against my chest so hard, it felt like I was close to having a heart attack.

Shouts grew louder and the sound of spells breaking things could be heard. Whichever group it was, they were getting closer to us.

_Please Malfoy, please don't do this. Please. _

I was ready to get down on my knees and beg if that's what it took—anything that would let Malfoy see the error of his ways.

And then I saw just how scared of Voldemort Malfoy really was. I saw what propelled him to do this and for the first time since I had met him, I felt sympathy towards Draco Malfoy. And I subconsciously swore to myself that if he took Dumbledore's help and turned his path on the right course, I'd forget any rivalry between him and me. I was ready to forgive and ask for forgiveness in return.

But when then a swarm of death eaters entered the room, I saw that it was clearly not meant to be. And any sympathy that I had held for him in that one moment was replaced by the familiar feeling of ultimate hate.

And Snape…Snape, he was behind it all! We told Dumbledore and he said he trusted Snape! He trusted him! He fucking trusted him and Snape took advantage of that!

"_Avada Kedavra!" _His voice was cold, merciless—it held everything that Snape was.

_No!_

_**No!**_

And Dumbledore—he disappeared out the window.

They began leaving—all of them hurrying out of the room. I never noticed when the spell that left me paralyzed, left my body. I simply collapsed to the floor. The whole room was spinning. The cloak slipped from around me.

"He's not dead…" I mumbled to myself. At the same time that Harry tried to cover me. It was too late the last death eater leaving the room saw me curled on the floor. I looked into his victorious eyes and his wand raised, ready to strike at me.

"_Petrificul Totalus_!" Harry had cast aside the cloak and pointed his and directly at the death eater who instantly froze and fell to the floor stiff as a board.

Harry looked at me for a moment before running after the rest. It was my wakeup call and I shakily got up and picked up my wand. I ran after them as fast as my legs could carry me. Given the state of disbelief and anger I was in, it was no wonder that I would have fallen down the stairs. Yet, the adrenaline running through my veins made me get up before I barely even reached the bottom of the stairs and continue running. I dodged people and curses as I passed—my eyes trained only on my brothers back.

"Alex!" I didn't look back as someone shouted after me.

People began coming out of their dormitories all of them doing nothing but slow me down as I had to aggressively push them out of my path.

Soon we reached the entrance of the castle and I sped up. The cold air hit my face and made my body temperature rise. I spotted Hagrid in the distance trying to stop the death eaters.

Harry collapsed and I jumped over his body. I looked back and saw two death eaters hot on my heels.

Ducking from a jet of red light I blindly pointed back with my wand.

"Stupefy!" I heard the one of them fall and then I heard Harry hex the other death eater.

_Get up!_ I shouted at him.

Snape and Malfoy were getting closer and closer to the gates…

A sudden red jet passed me and barely missed Snape. Snape turned to face us and I continued to run while Harry kept Snape busy.

I raised my wand as I ran and pointed it at Malfoy's back.

"_Mobilicorpus_!"I bellowed. Malfoy shouted as his feet left the ground and I sharply turned my wand to the side using it as if it were a remote control to control Malfoy movements. Turning my wand to the left an invisible forced picked him up and smashed him against a nearby tree. A crack was heard indicating that something was broken. I turned my wand downwards and he went face front to the ground.

I lifted the spell and ran at him. He was barely conscious when I climbed on top of him and began pummeling his face with my bare fist. Blood ran down the broken nose and his mouth bled. He picked enough strength and threw me back, taking me by the neck while I threw kicks. I kicked him deep in the gut and he released me, letting me fall to the floor painfully. I was just about to get another go at him when a sharp force hit me on the middle of my back and everything began dimming. The golden light of fire illuminated my gaze for just a moment and then I was gone.

It only felt like it had been minutes I had been asleep before I was brought back. I was still on the grass so that must have meant that not much time had passed. I felt someone lightly smack my cheek.

"Alex! Alex, can you hear me?" I heard Harry's voice call my name worriedly.

"Harry!" I whispered, "Harry, he's dead! He dead, Harry. He's dead, he's dead…" Tears ran down my grimy face and I began moving my stiff body.

"Wha' she sayin' Harry?" I recognized Hagrid's gruff voice speaking very close to me. "Who's dead?"

"Dumbledore." I mumbled a bit louder and stronger.

"Wha'?" I opened my eyes and saw Hagrid shaking his head incredulously. "No, don' say that Alex. How could tha' have happened?"

"Snape killed him."

"We saw it." Harry added.

"No, no. You musta have gotten it all wrong is all."

He really didn't believe us.

"But—" I began again, but Harry hushed me and instead helped me to my feet. Hagrid would understand in time. Harry supported most of my weight as I was rather shaken by everything that had just happened.

"Maybe I should carry yeh?" Hagrid said noticing my weak stance.

"I'm fine…" I whispered it was all I could manage.

We all walked in silence back up to the castle. Harry noted that people were beginning to look around.

What're they all lookin at?" I looked up to see what Hagrid spoke about. People were gathering right below the astronomy tower, looking down at something on the floor. My breathing picked up speed and I let go of Harry. Instead, I staggered forward toward the crowd of people.

"Alex!" Harry weakly called and I ignored him.

"Move…" I mumbled, pushing people aside. I came down to my knees right in front of Albus Dumbledore's broken, lifeless body.

Flashes of a similar scene two years ago flashed through my mind. Except this time I didn't grip the lifeless body or scream. I just looked at the man before me, and silently wept for yet another great loss. His eyes were closed and for that I was thankful. I watched as Harry's hand arranged the Professor's spectacles in the right position. Seconds later I felt a slight nudge at my arm. I wiped off the snot that was beginning to run down my nose and looked down at what Harry was holding for me to see.

He had opened the locket and inside it was a small note folded multiple times to get it to fit in the locket. I looked up at him, then he unfolded it and we began to read.

_All of our work…for nothing…_

The disbelief must have been very evident in my expression, while Harry looked uninterested. I saw his eyes fill with tears and he grasped Dumbledore's hand tightly. Both Harry and I refused to leave Dumbledore, but Ginny was easily able to pry Harry off of the body.

"C'mere, Alex." Hagrid's hand began tugging at my waist. I whimpered and tried to slap them away, but he easily picked me up. I held on to Dumbledore's hand until Hagrid gently pulled it away. He cradled me in his massive arms and carried me away as I sobbed hopelessly and hid my face from the world. I realized we were in the hospital wing when he placed me on a soft bed. I shut my eyes tightly as I heard people come near me asking Harry what happened to me.

"Nothing." He said quietly. I curled in on myself and let out loud sobs that made my whole body shake. A quiet conversation went on and I didn't listen.

"Harry, why is she crying?" Said a voice after a while.

Silence, and then, "Dumbledore's dead."

An unbelieving silence filled the room and I even I quieted down my cries, reducing them to quiet sobs.

Harry recounted how he died and I felt warm comforting arms around me, softly stroking my hair. It was a familiar touch, yet it was different. But I gave in to it and curled my body into the woman's embrace, hiding my face in the crook of her neck and softly letting out the tears.

A phoenix sang somewhere in the distance—a woeful sound that reached deep within my soul and seemed to crumple it as if it were nothing more than paper. I don't know for how long it sang but we all listened until it was gone. I still hadn't moved my face from the woman's neck.

I raised my face to wipe off the snot that was threatening to run down my nose when I met the soft caramel colored eyes of Esme Cullen. That set me off into more waterworks. Soon, I felt more arms around me and I knew that most of the family was here.

"I'm sorry…" I whispered. They didn't answer but just sat at the bed giving me the most support they could.

I raised my head and looked at my surroundings. The first thing my eyes met was rich butterscotch colored eyes that bared every single emotion running through the owner's soul. I quickly averted my eyesight somewhere else. I couldn't look into the eyes of the one I had hurt so much. Even if he didn't hate me or have any ill feelings towards me, I had enough hatred towards me for the both of us.

And though my heart accelerated in a way that only happened when he was near me, I ignored the feeling. Instead my eyes settled on the two bodies resting on separate beds next to mine. One of them was Neville.

"Is he alright?" I asked weakly.

"They'll all be fine." Lupin assured me. And then my sight landed on a man I did not recognize for his face was disfigured in such a grotesque way. My breath became caught in my throat when I saw the red hair.

"Bill?" I whispered. I got up from the bed and became dizzy. I wobbled and felt hands steadying me. From the corner of my eyes I had caught Edward make a certain movement, as if to catch me, from the across the room. The distance between him and I was unsettling.

So close yet still so far away.

I made my way to his bed and realized that it _was_ him.

"What happened?" I looked to Lupin for an answer.

"He was attacked by Greyback." I couldn't look into his sorrowful eyes, so instead I focused on Bill's ruined face that was asleep.

"But…but I saw him- and- and it's not full moon. What's going to happen?"

"He won't be a true werewolf, but there will be some side effects."

I released a shocked breath and flinched when the doors opened loudly. In came a dirty McGonagall, signs of her involvement in the struggle where evident on her.

"Molly and Arthur are on their way." McGonagall announced. And then she asked for Harry and me to retell the events. Harry talked while I sat in the edge of the bed keeping my eyes firmly in the floor. His eyes burned holes into me; I could feel them never leaving me.

If Edward was here, then it was quite obvious he didn't hate me and he still cared for me. It didn't matter, because it was impossible, now more than ever to have any form of relationship with him. I didn't even try to entertain the thought. Yet, through all the grief I was experiencing, I felt some sort of happiness at knowing that he still loved me to some extent.

"I'd love to know what Snape told him to convince him." I heard Tonks say.

"I know." The words were out of my mouth before I knew it. Everyone was quiet and they looked at me. "Snape was the one that told Voldemort the information that made him go after my family. When he killed my parents he told Dumbledore that he hadn't known what he was doing and that he was extremely sorry."

"And he believed that, even after he knew that Snape had hated James?" Lupin's voice was incredulous.

"And he didn't think my mother was worth a damn either." Harry said, his fists were clenched. "Because she was a muggleborn…mudblood he called her."

They continued talking and Harry told them how the death eaters had managed to come into the school grounds.

After a while the doors opened once more and I jumped. The night's events had made me paranoid and nervous. I was a wreck and everyone could see it. They weren't far off themselves. The Weasleys and Fleur entered—all going straight to Bill. I took a glance at Fleur's frozen expression and saw that Edward's gaze was looking at the same thing. He noticed my stare and looked at me. He pursed his lips and looked at Fleur sympathetically.

I held my breath when he moved closer towards me and I shrunk away when I felt his hand snake around my waist pulling me in. Everyone tried to keep their eyes away from us. Edward simply picked me up and set me on his lap—making it seem as if everything was just fine between us. But he and I knew that our situation was beyond being fine.

He wasn't breathing and he was tense. Yet he still pressed his lips to my hair and I allowed his embrace to comfort me as much as it could. I felt too drained to resist what I wanted.

I watched and listened as Fleur indignantly demanded to know why Mrs. Weasley thought that Bill would not get married to her. Once again I was jealous of Fleur, for she had what I couldn't have. But I supposed happiness wasn't meant for everyone.

We all watched as both women finally seemed to accept each other and cried in each other's arms. And then Tonks spoke up.

"You see!" We were all shocked to see her glaring at Lupin. "She still wants to marry him even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!"

What?

"It's different." Lupin was stiff, "Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely—"

"But I don't care either, I don't care!" She grabbed the front of his robes and shook him roughly. She loved him! It explained her depression and any questions we'd had about her.

Lupin stared hard at the floor. "And I've told you a million timed that I am too old for you, too poor…too dangerous…"

"Edward's too old for Alex—two hundred years older and you don't see _him_ making a fuss about it! Edward is a constant danger to her and they have worked around it. You're only dangerous once a month; Edward is a constant threat to her life every second their together, but they fight for their relationship! Look at them! The poor man isn't even breathing right now!"

Edward tightened his hold on me and I didn't say anything. It may seem like things were getting better between us, but that was far from the truth. Yet I didn't say this out loud, not if it meant that there was a possibility of Lupin accepting her.

Lupin looked up at us and I heard Edward speak. How I had missed that voice!

"I have often felt like you have regarding my relationship with Alex. I know everything that you are feeling right now, but if you love her you'll work around it like I have and you'll want to make her the happiest woman on this earth. Trust me."

I silently nodded at him. They deserved to be together and Lupin had gone through too much to not deserve to be with the one he loves.

"This isn't the moment to discuss this," He said hastily, "Dumbledore's dead…"

"Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the world." McGonagall spoke curtly. And just as the words left her mouth Edward's hand found mine and he intertwined them. I pursed my lips and hesitantly pulled away my hand—an action the only the Cullen's caught.

Hagrid entered and informed McGonagall that the body had been moved. His face was puffy and red from crying so much.

She told him to call for all of the heads of the houses.

"Before I meet with them," She turned to Harry and I, "I would like to have a word with the both of you."

Harry and I both nodded and he helped me to my feet. Without a glance toward Edward, I left the hospital wing, silently following the professor and my brother to the Headmaster's office.

I could have gone and stayed at the hospital wing after talking to McGonagall. And I could have asked him to stay with me. He would have done it. That's just how wrapped around my little finger I had him.

But I didn't.

* * *

The ceremony had just ended and I stood from where I was sitting and headed to the lake. The merpeople had just disappeared under it. Harry was talking to Ginny and Ron was consoling Hermione.

And I was alone. More alone, even, than when I'd lost Cedric.

Because the time had come for Harry and I to finally be on our own. From now on it was just him and I with no protection from anyone.

I felt a presence behind me. I recognized who it was. I'd been aware of his eyes one me throughout the entire ceremony and I knew a talk awaited us. One that would be much calmer than our last.

"Why can't you be like her?" I nodded over toward Ginny who was talking to Harry and seeming to take the departure rather well.

"I've lost too much in the past to lose you too."

"I've lost…probably more than you too, Edward and I'm not willing to lose you either." I swallowed hard and looked at his vulnerable expression. It made me wonder if he was doing it on purpose or if he wasn't aware of his expression. "Now, with what just happened, it's only a matter of time before Voldemort takes over everything. Even Hogwarts…things are going to get crazy. They'll be looking for Harry and me everywhere. The Weasleys, their already in deep trouble simply for having been our friends. Their house will have so much more security put on it and they'll have to watch for their every move. I don't want to imagine what I'll be putting you and your family through."

"They don't know us." He moved to take my hands into his. "Come back home with me Alex. Nothing's going to happen to you over there, I'll be—"

"No, Edward. I'm not trying to run away and hide like a coward. Nor do I want anyone protecting me from anything. People have done that in the past and every single one of them is dead. I do not want this to be your funeral."

"Nor do I want it to be yours. So we've reached a moot point haven't we?" His hand came to rest on my cheek and the contact that I'd craved for months made me shutter in delight.

"The only place I'm going to is Privet Drive. Afterwards, Harry and I will leave in search of…anything we can to get rid of him, once and for all."

"I can't let you do that." He shook his head, his eyes hard.

"I'm not asking for your permission." His tone disturbed me and I worked to keep my calm. "I'm merely informing you, although I really don't have to explain myself to you." I began moving away and his hand took me by the arm.

"How can all of this end, if I'm hiding away and turning my back on the world? I don't plan on sending Harry on his own you know."

"It doesn't have to be either of you, Alex. He can only hurt people for so much time until someone puts a stop to it." My eyes watered with emotion at his desperate attempts to keep me. He understood that as much as I loved him he still had no control over me and under the circumstances we were in I would not be stopped for anyone, even him.

"Tell me, if there was someone out there that had destroyed your family, killed you're friends and was putting the life of the one you love in danger, would you want to kill them?" His stare was long and hard. "Don't lie, you know you would. I know you would. You would be exactly the same as me if you were under the same circumstances. You would want exactly what I want right now."

"You're right. I would want exactly the same thing. In fact I _do _want the same things you want. I want him dead too."

"You, why?"

"Because he has hurt you. He has hurt you in ways that can't be healed. And yes like you say, he presents a threat to my family and friends…so let me go with you."

"No!" My eyes were wide with defiance and terror at what he had just said. "You're not going anywhere with me."

I do believe we bore the same expression in that moment—both of us overtaken with stubbornness.

"Why not?"

"You have no business in any of this."

"He's threatening you, he wants to kill you. As far as I'm concerned, that _is_ my business."

"Well you are sadly mistaken. This is between Harry, Voldemort and I. you will not be anywhere near me when the time to face him comes."

My voice was dangerously low and my hands were gripping his with such strength that my knuckles were white. Of course the amount of effort that I was putting was probably unnoticed by him.

"Hermione and Ron are going."

"It's different with them."

"How so? I would love to hear that explanation." And as If I wasn't beginning to lose my temper, he took a seat on the grass, and made me feel mocked.

"I don't have to explain myself to you! There's nothing between you and I!"

"Only eternal devotion, yes, that does not sound like much to me."

All negative feelings were momentarily washed away. Two major thoughts sprung into my mind and they were filled of, for a moment, this woeful scenario with a wonderful illusion.

First, Edward knew I didn't hate him and that I still loved him wholeheartedly. And second, there was no doubt anymore that he didn't love me any less than the day I had so unceremoniously left him.

"Bella's not here." I quietly said. If I wanted to change the topic of conversation, why did I have focus it on the last person I wanted to think about?

"Things with Bella will not work. I am not willing to force myself into a useless relationship with her. I have no business with her."

"What about your marriage with her?"

"Yes, I'm arranging papers for a divorce. I can't go further with my pretences. I hope, that you won't ever have to feign love to someone whom you no longer hold any emotion to. It's the most horrible feeling on earth."

"I don't plan on ever going through that."

An uncomfortable silence fell between us and even though he wasn't speaking, I could hear his question being shouted at me.

"You're not coming Edward." I sunk to the ground in front of him and looked him directly in the eye.

"Tell me, Alex, what in the world am I supposed to do if you just leave and I have no idea whether you're dead or alive? These past months I was more or less dead and I was well aware of where you were and that you were secure. Please don't put me through any more torture."

"I…I can't…"

"Why can't you?" He pleaded. I was on my feet again and he followed my movements.

"I can't take someone who won't allow me to fend for myself. I love you Edward, but you make me feel as if I were less than you. I feel useless and…" I stopped and looked down at the grass.

I felt his hand under my chin, making me look up. His tender eyes made my own brim with more tears as he brought his hypnotizing gaze closer to me and pressed his forehead to mine. And I cried.

I had missed his touch so much.

"You've had to look after yourself for so long. Let me protect you for once. It has never been my intention to hurt you in such way. " He whispered.

I shook my head. "I know your intentions were good, but there are some things you can't protect me from. Like this."

"Why does it have to be you and Harry? Tell me that."

"Because only we know how to end it all. Only we know him almost as well as Dumbledore knew him."

The warmth on my forehead left and I looked at him. He was more calm and composed.

"There's no changing your mind is there?"

I pursed my lips in a grim line and slowly shook my head.

A slight grin appeared there in his face. "Not even for me?"

Another slow shake of my head.

"And if I were to get on my knees and beg?"

"Then prepare to be ultimately humiliated, because I will walk away."

He looked down and ran a hand through his hair.

"Why the sudden relaxedness?" I asked.

With an incredulous laugh he looked up at the sky.

"Do I seem relaxed to you? I'm far from relaxed."

"I expected shouts and you trying to snatch me to Forks right this instant." I confessed.

"Oh I won't do that…yet." His smile was as honest as his tone.

"What?"

"Well, you have to go back to your aunt and uncle's. I can't simply take you to Forks right now. And besides, there is still time for me to act. You might have forgotten, but I do believe that there is a wedding to which you and Harry, as well as my family and I, are invited."

And indeed I had forgotten. And he knew I'd forgotten.

"So therefore, I know that I will see you at least once more before I'm required to act."

"You know, I do love a challenge."

"Another thing we have in common."

His hand caressed my cheek softly and his other hand was placed behind my neck brining me into him. His mouth was so close to mine I could practically feel them touch against mine. My lips trembled with need.

"I love you." He whispered.

I wanted to respond to his words in the same way.

"You know you're not getting anything out of this right?" I ended up saying.

"I'll always take what I can get."

In my moment of coherence, I placed my hand in one if his cheeks and turned my head to the side. I softly kissed his cheek and pulled away. He looked slightly taken aback.

"Then take only that; it's all I can give you right now."

"And later?" I wished I could be as hopeful as he looked.

"I'd rather not consider any other future that doesn't hold Voldemort."

I turned around and quickly wiped off the tears on my cheeks and walked towards Harry and the rest.

"Hey." They all welcomed me into their conversation.

"I seemed to have forgotten we had a wedding to attend to this summer." I linked my arm with Harry's and looked up at him. I hadn't been the only one that had forgotten it seemed.

"Yeah…" He mumbled.

"Hard to think that amongst all the chaos that's about to come, there's still going to be something as joyful as a wedding huh?"

A slight smile tugged at the corners of Hermione's mouth and she nodded.

And then a sudden thought came to me: I hoped that neither of the three was thinking about horcruxes, for Edward would surely catch it.

I chanced a glance at Edward, who was now with his family, looking like he was forcing himself to talk. I wish I could hear what he was thinking right now.

And I couldn't even warn Harry about not thinking about them, for Edward would hear me, whether it was verbally or mentally. He would hear me in Harry's mind.

The only thing I could do was try to make them think about something different.

"I don't think they'll be happy about having us go back earlier than were supposed to."

Ron chuckled. "They'll go bonkers when they see the both of you."

"Just one more time," Harry said, taking a seat by the edge of the lake.

"Besides, I think Dudley grew out of the habit of hitting us."

Harry smiled. Dudley had barely directed a word towards us since he was attacked by those Dementors.

Conversation under the circumstances we were in was hard. We all wanted more than to be quiet and let our thoughts wander.

I looked back towards the white tomb and felt my heart constrict painfully.

"I'm going to miss him so much." I whispered. No one answered, but they silently agreed.

"Are your things packed?" Harry asked after a while.

"Everyone's things are packed, Harry. The train should be arriving soon I think."

_How's Ginny?_

_**She'll be fine; she's a tough girl. **_

_I know, made things all the more easier huh?_

_**And Edward?**_

_He's a determined fellow he is. _

_**So are you. And if he's as stubborn as you then he might be a problem… **_

_He can hear you. _

_**I know, he can hear you too. **_

_I'll throw him off one way or another. Don't worry. _

_**But I do. **_

_Then don't. _

I sighed and looked in to the lake. Cedric and I had spent countless weekends here. For a moment, I wished I knew where his parents had buried him. Would I feel him close to me if I were to stand at his grave? And how would I feel about that?

And then I shook my head. I was hurt enough as it was without me reopening an old cut.

I turned and then did a double take when I saw Ron angrily looking towards something, except his angry expression seemed comical. I followed his trail of sight and saw he was glaring at Percy, who was quietly talking to the minister.

I snickered at him and Ron shot me an ugly look.

"Shut up." He mumbled. I laughed quietly and shook my head.

Through all of our quiet time, I was well aware of Edwards's eyes on me.

I felt a hand creep onto my shoulder and I flinched, catching Harry, Hermione, and Ron's attention. We all turned to look at whoever was behind us. Professor McGonagall looked at us through raw red eyes.

"The carriages are here." She said. "Your things are already waiting down at the station."

We all simultaneously stood.

"Goodbye Professor." I said and I tentatively inched towards her. I hugged her briefly and she returned the hug. Professor McGonagall had never been so sentimental, I think.

"Good luck Potter." She said.

She understood, and she knew we wouldn't come back. It's simply one of those feelings people had sometimes.

We walked to the gates of the castle where the carriages with the Thestrals were. Once inside, I turned and put my knees on the seat and looked at the castle through the window. I remembered the first time I saw it. We had been on the boats that time. I remember thinking it was all a very impossible dream. Someone inside the carriage was looking at me, I could feel it. Whether it was Hermione, Harry, or Ron I didn't know.

And then once on the train, I looked to out the window and was met with Edward standing right outside it. I stood up and opened the window.

"I'm tempted to pull you out of there right now," He admitted. "But I know my plan would never work."

"No, it wouldn't." I agreed.

"Take care of yourself, until I'm there to do it for you."

"You need to learn to accept that I'm not a damsel in distress Edward Cullen."

"I know that, but sometimes I wonder if you have any regard for your own safety."

The train began coming to life.

"Being me you can never be safe, no matter how much I try. I told you I was nothing but trouble."

"I suppose that's true. That's why I exist, to help and protect you."

"Get it through your thick head, Cullen," My humor was not very well at the moment, so I may have sounded a bit sharp, "You can't ever keep me safe, no matter how much you try."

I could see Emmett snicker at Edward and give me the thumbs up. I shook my head and grinned in spite of myself. The bus began moving and I waved at Edward as it began leaving. Edward stood there watching; he simply raised his hand for a moment then let it drop. I stole one last glance at the great castle that had for so long been my only true home. My time there was up.

I had no home anymore.

* * *

Of course, we soon realized that leaving Privet Drive would be harder than we thought. And we also didn't think of the danger the Dursleys would be in. We needed the Order's help.

* * *

**Edwards P.O.V**

"What do you mean complications, Frank?"

She was right; she really wasn't safe from anything.

"Listen Edward, getting them out of Privet Drive is much harder than it looks. This is a chance for you-know-who to attack them while their unprotected. Their cornered because you can bet that he will have people there, waiting for them to attempt to get out before their birthday. So already, leaving before time is a big no. Now, if they wait till their birthday—"

"I know, I know!" I said through clenched teeth. Voldemort would be waiting at the doorstep to take them on their birthday.

"Isn't there some other way?"

"The Floo network will be monitored, so they can be intercepted and that's too dangerous. They can't apparate because they are still underage. They're cornered."

I shook my head and paced, muttering blasphemies under my breath.

"Stop pulling at your hair, Edward. I don't think Alex would like you bald."

I growled at Emmett. Did he not understand the seriousness of this? Of course he did! But the big oaf just had to try and make everything funny even when it wasn't.

"But they have to get them out Frankie." Esme spoke. "One way or another, we can't just allow them to be taken away."

"We know that Esme, and believe me, the order is wracking their brains to come up with an effective plan to get them out."

"How unprotected would they be if they flew out?" Carlisle asked.

"Very unprotected—"

"Yes, I would expect him to have death eaters out there in the air right now." I muttered.

"Can't you disguise them?"

"It won't stop them from an attack. They can't be disguised because they know who we are, so if they see two random people they don't know, then their obviously going to go for them. So the plan dies there."

"Confuse them." I spoke.

"How…?"

Just then, the door to the Weasley home opened and the whole Order came into the already crowded kitchen. My family and I stood and gave our seats to the rest as we had no need for them.

They had all come to discuss the same: how to get the Potters out of their uncle's house without them being hurt.

There had to be a way to get them out of there. But I understood now, that it would be impossible to get her out of there unscathed.

"I see Frank has explained the circumstances." Mad eye barked as he took a seat.

"There has to be a way." I muttered and pulled at my hair again. Esme's firm hand fell on top of mine and made me release the locks of bronze. "What was your original plan?"

"We told Harry and Alex that Mad Eye would be coming to take them for side along apparition." I nodded at Arthur. I was well aware that they had gone to the Dursleys to speak to the whole lot.

"Yes, but damned Thicknesse has now made it impossible." Mad Eye hit the table in anger with his fist. "They'll be arrested if they try any source of escape requiring magic. The only option left is flying."

"Let's not forget about their aunt and uncle." Bill said, shoving his hand into his pockets.

"What about them?" I demanded.

"Any protection their home has will be broken when Harry and Alex leave—because it will never be _'home' _again." He emphasized the word home. Of course neither of the two had ever considered that place home. I could imagine the relief they must be feeling about leaving that house once and for all. "So the moment they leave, the Dursleys will be unprotected as well and I wouldn't put it past you- know-who to take them. They would be great bait to attract Alex and Harry."

"Yes," Arthur acceded. "They might not like them, but they will not stand aside for them to get murdered—no matter what resentments there may be between them."

He was right. Alex and Harry weren't bad people. They wouldn't allow harm upon the family.

"So they must be taken away as well."

_This is more complicated than it seemed. _Jasper thought. I looked at him and nodded.

"So then that means," Lupin continued, "That the timing of their departure has to be simultaneous so that by the time the spell is broken, they will all be either safe or on their way to safety."

"Let's get one thing straight." Emmett spoke raising his hands. His thunderous voice made everyone quiet down. I really was grateful that the whole family was equally taken into account by the whole order, so that they allowed us to give ideas and opinions about such situations. "When is all of this going to happen? The way I see it, the only way to do it is before their birthday. And if that's the case, then there's the advantage of Voldemort," A couple of them flinched at the name, "Not knowing on which day exactly their going to be taken."

"Establish a false trail." Rosalie spoke up. "Make them think they will be leaving on one day and take them out on a different day."

Everyone was quiet. Thinking about how they could work this out.

_If the ministry really has been infiltrated then surely a death eater will tell you- know- who about anything regarding the Potters. _

"That's perfect!" I turned to Frank. "Yes, make them believe it will be on another day to fool Voldemort." Frankie nodded, liking the idea.

"Care to explain Cullen?" Moody growled, annoyed.

"You all think that the ministry has been infiltrated by death eater's right?" Understanding seemed to dawn on him, through the scarred face I could see a victorious smile creeping up.

"Leak a false date to the ministry and make them think that's the day that they will be taken. A death eater will surely inform Voldemort about this."

Everyone agreed, seeing sense in the plan.

"Still we can't completely rely on that to work." Mad Eye said, his eye spinning madly. "Because I am ready to bet my remaining eye that you- know- who will still have some scum on the lookout days before the supposed date."

"Yes, but it means that there might be less death eaters and that Voldemort won't be there in person." Alice piped in. "So, already that is a huge advantage."

"Yes, yes I see."

"So if that's established, I think that getting the Dursleys out of there won't be very complicated. No one will really be keeping an eye on them. We could send one of us for their protection and have them taken to safe place where we can apparate them to a safe location."

"Yes, that would make sense."

"We can figure out the details for that later."

"How about Polyjuice potion?" The man named Mundungus Fletcher spoke up. I wasn't as associated with him as I was with the rest, but although he wasn't the best of people he brought in valuable information now and then.

We all looked at him. He must have spent a great amount of time devising the plan in his head. For it seemed very complex and likely to work.

"That's excellent." I muttered and gestured for him to explain to the rest.

"Well I've been thinking we could send twelve people to get them. Seven of them can be decoys."

"Wait," I spoke up. Hermione and Ron had crept down the stairs and were pressing their ears to the door to the kitchen. I strode over to the door and opened it. They looked up looking guilty and embarrassed.

"Ronald!" Molly spoke up.

"It's alright, Molly." I said, offering my hand to Hermione to help her stand up. She blushed and accepted the help. "I think they should be in on this. They are their best friends after all."

_Thank you, thank you, thank you Edward!_

"You're welcome." I beamed at her.

They both settled by a counter. The rest didn't argue about their involvement and went back to the matter at hand.

"Proceed." I spoke to Mundungus. Who nodded with his grimy head.

"Five people could act as decoys. Using the Polyjuice potion we could disguise them as the Potters."

"As both Harry and Alex?"

"We could disguise Alex as Harry too. They won't know if Alex is in the group at all. Because after all, I'm sure you- know- who is already aware that Alex had been staying somewhere else in her fifth year."

Had it really been that long?

"They won't allow that." Hermione spoke up. "They'll never allow any of us putting ourselves into such danger for them."

"The choice isn't theirs. It's just how it's going to be and that's it!" Moody growled. His eye began dancing wildly again.

"Expect an argument from them." Ron muttered. Nobody but my family and I heard it and we all smiled at that. That would surely be the case.

"As I was saying," Mundungus continued, not happy about being interrupted again. "Ye can get each of the Potters with another one of yer as protection; you'll fly in pairs to a safe location. I would suggest ye to all head to different safe houses—all of 'em 'eavily protected. Then ye all can use one of them portkeys to come back here."

All of us, finally content with the idea, spent the rest of the day going into the details of the plan. They would be moved in a month—the amount of time it took to concoct the potion.

"So, let's see…am I right in thinking we all are going to volunteer?" Moody called.

Two days later, they decided which house would act as the locations and who would be going to get the Dursleys, Harry and Alex.

My anxiousness would not be relieved until Alex was safely back with the Weasleys. My whole family tried to calm me down for some time, even Bella, who was no longer speaking to me. Although, I really wasn't concerned about our lack of words towards each other. But whenever I did come across her, which was surprisingly not very often, I was reminded of the papers that had to be arranged for a divorce. Carlisle and Jasper were helping to come up with a renewed wedding certificate with the current date. After that everything else should go smoothly.

The month passed incredibly slowly, but Saturday thankfully arrived before I went mad. That day, we arrived to the Weasleys home very early in the morning. The Order arrived at around the same time. Mad Eye was carrying two rucksacks that he said were full of clothes that would fit all of them once they were turned.

Just before they left, I approached Bill quietly. "Bill?"

He turned to me and smiled. "I'll do my best to bring her unharmed, Edward." He clapped a hand to my back. "But you know I can't guarantee bringing her here without a single scratch."

"I just hope everything goes smoothly."

He nodded and mounted his broom.

I stayed back and watched as the lot began taking off in broom, Thestral, and in Hagrid's case, an enchanted motorcycle.

I wished with all my heart that I could go with them right now, but at least I would be able to see her when she arrived. I would take what I could get.

Molly, Fleur, Ginny, Frankie, my family and I had stayed behind to wait for them to come back.

"Please let them be alright..." Molly whispered. Esme wrapped her in a hug.

"We have to trust they will all be fine."

Her fright was to be expected. Half her family was in grave danger at the moment.

"Come on, let's all go inside." Carlisle spoke calmly, trying to bring some peace. "It should be a while before they all return."

I looked pointedly at Jasper, who got the message and began settling calm around all of us.

"Aren't you coming?" Alice asked.

"Don't you know the answer to that?" I said, failing to offer a smile.

"Not here I don't; too much magic for me to see anything." Her frustration would have been comical in any other situation.

"Go in, I'll be out here. I need some alone time."

A long time passed and night would be settling soon. I heard Ginny coming out to the yard.

"Worried huh?" She sat on the grass, bringing her knees to her chest.

"You don't know how much."

"I do. I think they'll be fine, all of them. You have no idea on how smart Alex is; she'll be able to take care of herself."

I saw a memory of Ginny's—it had happened not so long ago. The night of Dumbledore's death. Just as Ginny dodged a jet of light she saw Alex running down a flight of stairs. Her agility amazed me as she tripped and went down the stairs. Before she reached the last step, she was up again and running. Pushing through people and dodging steps. I would have thought she was able to see the future or read minds since she dodged at the precise moments, almost as if she knew they were coming, like a second instinct.

"She's quite aggressive in times such as those." She smiled at the memory. I had to laugh at the next memory.

A great dragon was roaring before her. She tried to run from it but the dragon's tail met her and knocked her back like a doll. I could see her angry face as she raised her wand and shouted something, red jets of light shot from her wand and got the dragon right in the eye, efficiently blinding him. As if it wasn't enough, she picked up a rock and chucked it at the dragons head before she ran off.

"She really did that?"

"Yes, I think everyone laughed when they saw that. No one could believe she still paused to throw an insignificant rock at the dragon when all the other champions seemed utterly terrified when they faced their dragon. All we saw from her was defiance."

I shook my head, it sounded like something Alex would do.

"Give her some credit Edward. She's stronger than you make her out to be."

"I know that…" I sighed and began pacing in front of her. "But I can't help trying to protect her. To a vampire that has found their intended, Ginny, it's a natural instinct for them t o try and protect their mate. Ask any of my family and they won't deny it."

"I guess I can understand that." And in her mind she did understand it. She was more mature than she seemed. "But you have to understand that right now, under the circumstances their both at, protecting them isn't possible. They have to do this by themselves. They'll accept help, like in Ron and Hermione's case, but they are through with being protected. Right now, it's only because they have no other option, they either go with the plan established or they will be forced to follow it. So you better kick aside that instinct of yours because she is a very independent person."

"I know that."

Before she could say anything else a bright blue light began appearing some distance from us.

"Mum!" Ginny shouted. Everyone came out as soon as they heard her.

The light grew strong and then a rusty oil can appeared, spinning fast and then it fell to the floor. No one had come along.

"That should have been Tonks and Ron…" Molly whispered. Tears were welling into her eyes. Esme softly patted her back and we all looked at each other nervously.

"Their timing must have been bad." Rosalie explained softly.

Minutes later there was another blue light and we all looked up only to be further worried when a lonely old sneaker appeared. It should have been Arthurs and Fred's portkey.

Had it not been for Mrs. Weasleys quiet sobs, there would have complete silence. The worried thoughts of so many people were making me go mad.

And then a third blue light appeared just as the sun was setting. Two bodies were spinning fast before they hit the floor roughly.

"Alex…" A breathless whisper was all I could manage when I saw her mop of unruly red hair.

And as I strode to her, I remembered that her hair had been mousy brown the last time I saw her.

I stopped right in front of her as she straightened up. I knew something was awfully wrong the moment she looked up at me.

"You're not Alex."


	32. let go of my hand

**i am awfully sorry for making you guys wait for so long, i had alot of unexpected complications with a writers block top it off FF decided to not work for almost the whole week. i hope you dont have to wait as long for the next chapter and i am already working on it so thats good. so as a reward for all the time you have waited for i give you guys this fifty-eight page chapter and hope that you guys throughly enjoy it. also if there are any gramatical errors i im very sorry, i corrected it myself as much as i could. my beta is going through some hard times at the moment so i didnt want to bother hope. if she reads this i hope you get better soon. **

**and for the rest of you, i hope you enjoy this.**

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Alex's P.O.V

"You should practice you know?" I didn't move as harry's tired voice talked to me.

"Hmm?" I murmured as I looked up at the dark ceiling. My arm was behind my head while the other one rested on my stomach.

"That memory thing of yours," he said from the floor. It was my turn to take the bed tonight.

"What about it?"

"You should keep practicing."

At this I furrowed my eyebrows in the dark. I didn't particularly enjoy those practice sessions. It required a lot of mind work and it left me mentally drained. Unfortunately that meant that I would fall into a deep sleep. And I would prefer to pass up on that. Although having quiet time to think wasn't any better.

"Why?" I mumbled.

"Because it could come in handy. What else can you do?"

"As far as I know I can only see memories but I don't know if there's anything else."

"Well you can more or less do occlumency that must be worth something don't you think? It wouldn't be bad to know it just in case"

"I don't know," I hesitated.

"You should do it, we ought to be prepared for anything"

I thought about this quietly.

"I'll think about it," but instead of getting a response I heard soft snores coming from below the bed.

This is stupid, why am I even taking the bed if I'm not going to sleep on it? Quietly I got off the bed and shook harry awake.

"Huh?" he mumbled dumbly.

"Get on the bed," I whispered.

"Hmm," he rubbed at his eye with his fist. "Why?"

"Because I'm not going to sleep anyway."

I don't think he really paid attention to what I said but he obediently got up and deposited himself under the covers.

I moved over to the chair by the desk. We'd been here for a week and just yesterday we had received a visit from Mr. Weasley and Kingsley Shacklebolt. They explained to us the tight situation in which harry and I found ourselves in and how the Dursleys were also involved. If anything it helped to feed their dislike for us now that they knew that they were in life threatening situation thanks to harry and I. They went over the plan with us and it seemed like everything would be alright. The Dursleys would go into hiding while we left for the burrow in three weeks.

It was…surreal thinking that in just three short weeks harry and I would be leaving this place for good. I know for sure I would never set foot in here again. In truth, before I found out I was a witch I don't think I ever thought ahead of the day I would leave this place. Now it seemed very stupid not to have dreamed about this day when I was a small girl.

That didn't matter anymore. Soon we would be out of here. Suddenly three short weeks seemed longer.

I sighed and took a glance at harry's sleeping form. Lately he had almost as much trouble sleeping as I did. It was understandable. For years bad sleep had plagued us now and then. He and I dreamed of the day in which all the bad dreams would go away. For all we knew it could be years until that moment arrived.

Harry stirred and began groaning, as if he were about to wake up.

"Shh, shh, shh" I crooned and he became quiet. Then he settled back into deep sleep. I loved my brother, I really did. How could I not love the only family I had? And I felt guilty for deserting him for so long. Things changed between us since cedrics death. I admired harry, despite everything that had happened since that year he remained strong, which is more than I can say for myself. With any luck all of the time we would be spending together in the future will bring us together. I hoped so because I missed the old times.

A loud snore made me flinch.

"But if I have to sleep next to you I'll kick you" I mumbled to myself with a slight smile.

With a deep sigh, I stretched my arms and felt my joints crack. I was stressed, badly stressed -although when wasn't I stressed?-and my body most definitely felt it. My shoulders felt heavy and my back ached. I wondered if old age felt this way. It probably did.

"That's probably why uncle Vernon is always so cranky," talking to myself was most likely not healthy…

"Probably not." I mumbled.

I let out a breath and softly hit the sides of my head with my fists.

It didn't matter. I could talk to myself as long as I wanted as long as it kept unwanted thoughts locked away.

* * *

"Concentrate," harry said lazily as he flipped the page of a book. While sprawled on the small bed his body seemed to melt from laziness. And here I was sitting on a chair, my face red and about to explode from all the concentration.

"I am," I said in a forced voice.

"No I mean concentrate not hold your breath in and look constipated."

I flung a pencil at him and hit the wall instead. He groaned and rolled onto his stomach

"What's wrong Alex? A few months ago you were doing beautiful progress and now…need I finish the sentence?"

So far I had made no progress. In fact it seemed like I was going to have to start from scratch.

"Well this is shit," I muttered and slumped on the chair.

"Oh sure go on ahead, give up," he slowly flipped another page.

"How is this, in any way, going to benefit me?"

"Do you know just how far you ability goes?"

"Not exactly,"

"Then find out. What if there's more to it than just seeing memories?"

I sighed and resumed my concentration on his black mop of hair. Hours later I seemed to regain all the progress I had previously made.

* * *

Why I ever doubted harry will forever be a mystery to me.

"So right after we leave the…" an image of the burrow came into harry's view. It was the first and most accessible memory of the moment so I took it.

Over the course of two weeks I had perfected my insight into unfamiliar memories. In fact I had unburied many lost memories in harry's dusty mind. It was quite entertaining. I'd managed to examine them without him noticing that I was probing his mind.

But now, now I was moving to greater heights. I was almost positive I could do so much more than that. I'd been working on it for some time and often I was close to achieving my goal.

Today I would reach it. I could see the house perfectly depicted in his thoughts. I could see the crooked house with the overgrown grass and its many other…oddities. My mind felt like it was shriveling like a raisin under the amount of concentration I was putting. I could feel my face screwing up in concentration as I focused on the house.

Slowly but surely I felt it, a mental bond seemed to stretch from my own head to harry's mind. I could almost see it. It allowed me to tamper with this image.

"Alex?" harry called.

"Shh!" I hissed sharply. The house began fading, but just as it was fading I was losing grip on the connection.

_Hold it _I mentally whispered to myself. _Just a little more._

The house was almost gone.

"Alex!"

The straight line of connection bent and twisted under the strain of my mind. It sent shocks to my mind making my control slip further. A loud ringing made me deaf to the outside world and my lungs were constricting making it impossible for me to breathe.

_Hold on!_

Numbness took over my feet first, then the rest of my body. Stars clouded my vision and then darkness enveloped me.

* * *

**Harry's P.O.V**

I was planning ahead on what we would do after we left the burrow. And just as the thought of the burrow crossed my mind it froze there, baffling me for a moment. There was something peculiar about the image in my head. And when the house began to look like a stranger I looked up at Alex.

Her eyes were concentrated on me, her eyebrows furrowed with concentration, making her look as if she were seething.

"Alex?"

"Shh!" she said forcefully. I sat up straight on the bed her eyes seemed to unconsciously follow me. It was a bit unsettling.

_Hold on _I heard her think. It was obviously not meant for me. So I shot her one more glance and got up to feed Hedwig. I was aware of her gaze following me.

When I slipped in the owl treat through Hedwig's cage, which she ignored for she had been mad at both Alex and me for some time, I heard grunts coming for Alex. When I turned she was red in the face, her hands were in a tight fist that threatened to snap her fingers. I grew panicked when I saw her whole body begin to convulse and her eyes dilated completely turning even the whites of her eyes black.

"Hey,hey,hey,hey!" I hurried to her and caught her before she fell to the floor.

"Alex! Alex!" I tried to bring her back by shaking her roughly but instead she drew in strangled gasps. I had no idea on what to do; I didn't even know what was going on!

And just as I was about to uselessly call to the Dursleys for help I heard her ragged breath. She shook once more and then slowly her eyes seemed to go back to normal. She panted and looked at me as she trembled. A trickle of blood was running down her nose. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head a bit before she was able to draw a sentence in a scratchy voice.

"What happened?" I winced the sound of her voice sounded like it would hurt her to talk.

"That's what I would like to know," I said slightly breathless. "What happened, what were you doing?"

"So close," she whispered and coughed out bits of blood.

"Whoa," I quickly used the hem of my shirt to clean off the blood running down her nose and the blood around her mouth.

I waited about ten minutes for her to recover a bit and then I moved her onto the bed. Then she explained to me what she was trying to do. I should have been impressed by her discoveries but the heart attack I almost went through didn't leave me particularly thrilled.

* * *

**Alex's P.O.V**

"I think you're taking this too far," he said running a hand through the messy hair atop his head.

"No I'm not this is perfect harry. What if I can do even more? I know I can,"

"How do you-"

"Because I've done it before!" I brushed my newly red hair out of my forehead. "I've done it before but I don't know how. I always did it on accident. In our fourth year I would do it all the time. I looked into people's heads and I made them- I made them forget things. The things I could see in their heads I could make them forget it. Then I would make them remember. I made them think things that were not true."

Harry looked at me uncertainly.

"I'm not lying harry. I swear it's true. This- this, _thing _of mine was very out of control that year. I talked to cedric about it too. Harry I tried to control it and it seemed to work. I mean it stopped acting up so much. I just couldn't use it to my advantage; I didn't even try to master it. But it's the truth. This may sound…impossible, but once I even made cedric think he had some long lost sister. He told me he had vivid memories of her. And he described her to perfection, hell; he even said what her favorite food was. But by then I knew I could do odd things. And when he told me it was some long lost sister he barely new and he gave such accurate descriptions of her I realized that I had done that. And then one day he forgot all about her. In fact he didn't even remember thinking about her."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"I don't know. I was too confused to give you the details that you would surely ask. I would only confuse myself further, I think. I was scared. I was scared I would cause something bad but just as I began thinking about consulting Dumbledore this thing just began to calm down."

He furrowed his eyebrows and pursed his lips. I looked down at him. His shirt was stained with my blood.

"And now that I begin to gain control of some parts of it, I know I can handle all of it. And harry you're right I can work this to a great advantage."

"What are you thinking?"

"What better way of getting rid of Edward than making him forget he's even trying to keep me?"

His look was long and hard.

"I'll just make him think what I want him to think. I'm pretty much controlling what he does."

"Like the imperious curse?" his tone sounded like a mother who has found their kid stealing cookies before dinner would sound.

"I'm doing it for a good purpose you know?"

His lack of response was beginning to irritate me.

"I need you to help me," he sighed and looked at me. I put on my best pleading face and he gave in.

"Fine but we can start tomorrow. I think you've put too much strain on yourself for today.

"No! I was so close to succeeding let me try again."

"No, look at you, you're still shaking. You won't achieve anything today."

I made to sit up but he put a hand on my shoulder.

"I will sit on you if you even try to sit up."

I didn't actually think he would sit on me but he would stop me nonetheless. Besides under all the mental strain, I was tired.

"Harry?"

"What if the dreams come back?" I mumbled.

"You're tired, I don't think they will," I felt a light ruffling of my hair and then fell asleep into the first dreamless sleep since I left forks.

* * *

The next day I felt…well in truth I felt new.

Harry helped me through direct contact, it really helped a lot. And as the days progressed I was able to erase his memories for a certain amount of time. I decided I would worry about the time span later. Right now being able to erase memories without physical contact seemed to be more important.

* * *

"Hey," I closed the door behind me and gave him some of the cake I'd sneaked up. He didn't seem to have heard me; he was too concentrated in the newspaper. I quietly glanced at the paper and I saw the familiar face of Dumbledore. I felt a familiar pang in my chest and I quietly laid down on the bed, listening to everything harry was reading in his mind.

"Makes me wonder how much more we didn't know about him," I said when he put down the paper.

"Loads more," he responded quietly.

Instead of practicing that day we delved into our own thoughts.

Unlike harry I didn't wish I'd asked him. Dumbledore had always seemed like a private man to me. In fact I did not think anyone ever knew him or his life completely, but rather made their own assumptions from the rumors about him. I felt like even if we had asked he would not have told us anything. He would have been too focused on us rather than his own story. He had always been like that as a matter of fact.

* * *

"Congratulations," harry said as I threw myself onto the bed right next harry.

"There's still more to come," I mumbled, already feeling the sleep creeping over me.

"Oh really? What?"

"I have to try and do it without eye contact."

"Don't you think that's too much?"

"Nah, I won't lose anything with trying right?"

"I suppose. But we can start practicing that when we're at the burrow."

I wanted to respond but I was already dozing off, the last thing I remembered was that we would be leaving tomorrow.

* * *

"Ouch!" I turned and saw harry cursing and then sucking his finger from where a slight trickle of blood had fallen.

"Something in there bit you?" yes it sounded like a joke but if he still had the book of monsters then there was a good possibility that something did bite him.

He didn't say anything instead he left the room with one more curse.

I shook my head and smiled then turned back to my packing. I unfolded my legs from under me and stretched them out and kept taking things out of my trunk.

My fingers came into contact with what I recognized to be cedrics wand. I briefly wondered why his parents didn't burry it with him, after all a wand to a wizard was like a limb. All the same I was happy that they decided to entrust me with it. I packed it into a messenger bag that I had charmed while I was still at forks, because it would always allow me to pack in many things and it wouldn't look any bigger or weigh too much. I was glad to see it was working to my advantage this time.

Harry entered the room again after cleaning up his finger and we resumed our quiet rummaging of our things.

"I cut myself with this," he mumbled.

I turned and took the shard of mirror he was handing me.

"Hey I remember this mirror. It's the one Sirius gave us,"

"Yeah," He turned and sat at the edge of the bed. "I could have sworn I saw an eye look at me through it just right now though."

"No you're just going crazy," I handed the shard back to him. "Keep it."

He nodded and tossed it on the pile of things he would be taking.

"Can you believe were going to be out of here once and for all soon?"

"What I can't believe is that we are days from our birthday and we still can't use magic, it's completely metal!" he shook in disbelief.

"Boy!" uncle Vernon called. Now he could be talking to the both of us, he always did refer to me as a boy.

"You go," I said to harry. "I might pop a vein if I have to listen to his ranting again."

"Okay," he sighed and rubbed his face. "Be right back."

"Where's the other one?" I heard uncle Vernon call.

"She's busy," Harry responded. After that I didn't hear anything. I finished my packing just as I heard a knock on the door. That must be Dedalous Diggle and Hestia Jones. I sighed and got up to my feet. Well this was it.

I came just in time to see Dedalous embrace harry into a tight hug and eagerly shake his hand. They saw me going down the stairs and I received the same enthusiastic greetings from them.

"What do you mean a change of plans?" I questioned after they explained the plan they had for the Dursleys.

If they did a last minute change of plans then this could mean trouble. And why had we not been informed of this?

"Yes mad eye will explain the new plan to you and harry," Hestia said reassuringly. Or at least she tried to sound reassuring.

They gave us privacy to say goodbye to the Dursleys. Although hardly anything was said, there was only the discovery that Dudley wasn't as bad as he used to be. I actually shared an awkward hug with him that almost gave aunt petunia a heart attack. She kept talking about how good Dudley was. And then just like that they were gone.

Harry and I looked at each other.

"That was…odd," I began. He snorted.

"More like mental. Did you ever imagine-"

"No." I didn't need for him to end the sentence.

He buried his hands into his jeans pockets. "Well I'll go get Hedwig."

"Can you get my things?" I called.

"sure."

I began to pace around the kitchen. We'd be out of here soon and time didn't seem to speed up.

I heard harry talking to Hedwig, remembering our time here no doubt. I came to a stop and sat on the kitchen counter next to the seat. I looked at the kitchen table and I could remember where I was sitting when harry came in with that fateful letter six years ago.

A loud ripping noise of an engine made me jump. I heard harry swear and I looked out the kitchen door.

"Harry they're here!" I called jumping off the counter and heading for the door.

I never expected this many people to come. Things must have gotten really complicated that we couldn't leave with mad eye.

And indeed once the greetings were over, mad eye explained to us the situation. And I had to agree we were in an extremely tight situation.

"I get that but wouldn't it give us away if they see all of us flying to one safe house?" Harry responded to the plan that they had come up with.

And they moved in to tell us all about the plan with the Polyjuice potion.

I remembered when we took that thing in our second year. And I also remember what happened to Hermione after she accidentally put a cat's hair into it.

I wasn't particularly thrilled about the plan. It wasn't necessary to put the rest in so much danger, but like Fred said, what could harry and I do against twelve wizards that could use magic?

I watched as harry reluctantly yanked off a bit of his hair and extended his arm to dump it inside the flask. Just as his hand was over the flask I grabbed his hand and pulled it away.

"I can't take that," I said.

"Why the bloody hell not!" moody growled impatiently.

Harry looked at me in understanding. I looked around and everyone was looking at me as if I was mental.

"But Alex," Hermione began, "you've taken Polyjuice potion before remember in our second year?"

"What?" Fred and George said in unison.

"Well yeah but, things have really changed since we were twelve."

"Alex this is no time to beat around the bush," Lupin said stopping mad eye from going into a rant. "What is going on?"

I bit my lip; apparently this was as far as my secret was going to go.

"There was…an accident during our fourth year in Hogwarts and I was bitten… by a vampire."

I don't think anyone knew what to say to this. They all seemed to be trying to understand what I had just said.

"Who did it?" Hermione asked despite her look of disbelief.

"It doesn't matter who did it. I'm only half a vampire and I don't quite know whether the Polyjuice potion will affect me like all of you."

"Lupin," mad eyes electric blue eye looked towards lupin. "Do you know if it will work on her?"

Lupin's measuring eyes turned away from me and looked at mad eye. "As far as I know it won't work, I don't think it works on werewolves. If it doesn't then there's a great possibility that the same rules apply to vampires. That's the most I can say, I'd prefer not to risk it. "

Mad eye growled angrily and I was half scared for my safety.

"Do you know how much this changes the plan!" my eyes were wide and I instinctively shrunk away.

"It's not so bad!" I defended, "they can just take some of my hair instead."

"Yes but I came prepared with men's clothes!"

I looked down at the sacks that he was carrying with him.

"Here" I took my bag and began pulling out my own clothes. "They can put these on"

He didn't seem to be able to look for another excuse so he gave up. "All right hand over your hair."

I stopped stuffing the clothes from the sack into my bag and looked up. This was too much, what if one of them got hurt? I shouldn't-

"Alex!" I jumped in fright and looked at Ron who had shouted.

"Your hair potter, your hair!" mad eye barked. I hesitantly reached up to my hair and pulled out red strands of hair and dropped them into the flask. Upon contact the mud=like substance turned an interesting copper color.

I watched as they began passing the flask around and taking drinks from it. It was one thing to turn into someone else but it was a completely different thing to see others turn into you. It could probably be the most bizarre moment of my life seeing six of me.

And then came the moment for them to undress. I watched as one of them began removing their shirt and I almost threw myself onto them and pulled it back down.

"I would appreciate it if you gave my body some privacy; it's bad enough having you guys seeing it let alone the others."

Some rolled their eyes but they all took the clothes and hurried to separate rooms. As we all waited I began taking the clothes out of the sack and stuffed them into my own bag.

"What happened Alex?" I felt uncomfortable under Lupins scrutinizing gaze.

"I was attacked-in my fourth year- while I took a walk in the forbidden forest." I inspected the tile of the floor all the while I was speaking.

"What in the world were you doing in the forbidden forest all alone?" Tonks looked at me as if I were crazy.

"I honestly don't know, I was mad is all. Guess I paid for my stupidity though."

"Who did it?"

I finished stuffing the last article of clothing and I sat on of the kitchen chairs. I looked down at my chewed nails to keep from facing anyone. "I don't know."

I didn't need anyone else knowing about the crazy situation I was in. Nor did they need to know Edward had a wife.

"I can't remember anything from the attack; I just remember waking in the hospital wing." I spoke so low I doubted that anyone heard well but it didn't matter. In that moment six me's were walking into the kitchen and everyone was back to business.

Once moody told us who would be paired with who we headed outside. Standing behind bill I looked around and found harry looking exactly like me and crammed into a small sidecar attached to hagrids bike.

_**Guess I'll see you in a few. **_

_And Edward too because I have no doubt that he's there at the burrow, anxiously awaiting your arrival. _

I bit my lip to keep from beaming. Edward didn't make my problems any easier but just because he himself presented a problem did not mean I wasn't excited to see him.

_**Good luck then **_

Just as the thought left my head bill kicked off from the ground and I immediately wrapped my arms around his waist.

We'd been in the air for maybe just a minute before an alarming amount of death eaters surrounded us just as the order broke away and went off in different directions.

And then the screams and lights began.

* * *

**Third person P.O.V**

Bill cursed under his breath before he swerved the broom downwards and sharply turned to the left. Alex held on to bills waist tighter as the sudden movements if the broom threatened to throw her off.

Hexes flew in every direction. Alex turned just as a killing curse nearly ended it all for her. Five death eaters were on their tail. The wind pressed her hair down and made it hard for her to see through her bangs. So she aimed back and blindly shot stunning spells. The sudden scream from the back told her that she got one. She turned back just in time to see one of them aiming at bill.

"TURN!" She bellowed into Bills ear who swerved just as a killing curse came close to touching him.

She looked down and what she saw horrified her. Mad eye and who she knew to be Mundungus were being pursued by another group of death eaters, and then they broke away. A new figure had joined the chase. Alex was about to spit her heart out as the bill made a sudden dip and she recognized who was chasing mad eye and Mundungus.

Voldemort was suspended in the air, with no broom. Instead the hem of his robes seemed like smoke and it's what seemed to be suspending him. Alex was afraid, not for herself but rather for mad eye and Mundungus. There was nothing that she could do as she found herself trying to protect herself and Bill who found it harder to shoot blind hexes while maneuvering the broom. But she still saw, she saw when Mundungus fled, immediately alerting Voldemort that Mundungus was a fake and not one of the potters. In that second there was a flash of green light that hit mad eye just as he turned to look back. His body fell from the broom and Alex wasn't able to see where he fell as she busied herself with the following death eaters.

She felt Voldemort when he directed his eyes toward her and Bill. Her forehead burst into flames and she fought to keep her grip around Bills waist.

_We found one of them! That's the real one!_ In the midst of everything going on around her she didn't understand where that voice had come from. But the moment she heard it Voldemort disappeared from sight. It's then that she realized that harry had been caught. They knew he was the one with Hagrid and that's why Voldemort had left; to get rid of him.

As this realization crossed her mind a sharp turn made her unsteady hold break. She felt her body go opposite from the broom as she let out a yelp and she was thrown off.

"NO!" Bill bellowed, right then Alex's hand shot out and she managed to grab a hold of the broomstick.

Bill looked down and felt a flood of relief when he saw her precariously dangling from the broom.

"Keep going!" she shouted. She swung her body right at the moment that a curse flew her way.

"Don't kill her! It might be the real potter!" She heard one of them shout.

"Hold on! We're almost there!" Bill shouted down at her.

Her hand was sweaty and it was quickly beginning to slip. The desperate beatings of her heart only served to scare her further as it seemed to be the only thing she could hear.

"_STUPEFY_!" She shot a red bolt toward another death eater and he slid off his broom. Three more followed.

"ARRGH!" Her hand gave away and she fell just as a broom seemed to materialize from nothing and she landed on it. The broomstick painfully pressed on her stomach the moment she fell on it knocking the air from her and leaving her momentarily paralyzed. She recovered and looked into the face of a death eater whom she only knew by the face and not by name. He smiled triumphantly.

He raised his wand and she saw it pointed straight at Bill.

"AVADA KEDABRA!" The words had barely left his mouth when Alex, with blinding speed, launched herself onto him moving his arm. The curse hit another death eater straight on the chest. The sudden movement threw the both of them off of the broom. She could see the woods coming nearer to her and her mind began racing. She held her wand tighter and pointed at herself "_arresto momentum" _she choked out and felt as her body slowed its fall, until she hit the ground of unknown woods hard. Her mouth opened and tried to let out a sound but all she managed was a small strangled squeak.

She heard a grunt from next to her. The death eater had also survived the fall and upon realizing this she was up in a fluid motion and immediately spotted his wand laying close to him. Before he got up she ran towards it and placed her foot upon the wooden stick. There was a snap and an enraged roar. She felt her feet leave the earth as the death eater tackled her to the ground, and her wand left her hand. Her head hit the ground and she saw stars in her eyes. A hand closed upon her throat she struggled to get the man off of her and began clawing at his face but it had no effect upon him.

She laid her hands on top of the man's own hands that were strangling her and she mustered all the strength she had to focus on the man's mind. Instead of making him forget his purpose as she meant to do, a million memories began racing throughout the both of their heads. She felt her body begin to convulse and the man's hands slackened as the jumbled memories took a complete hold of him.

_Stop, STOP!_ Her mind screamed at her just as it felt like it was on the verge of bleeding and she broke the connection. The man fell off of her and looked as if he were in some sort of trance, she gasped and desperately filled her lungs with air as she got up and picked up her wand.

_"Petrificus totalus!" _the man's body stiffened and fell back. She took her chance and ran away, her breath was heavy, her lungs on fire, and her head threatened to burst. She cried when she felt herself lose control momentarily of her body. It stopped and she couldn't quite make it keep going. And in less than two seconds she gained the feeling and control of it again. She continued to run without knowing where she was going. She didn't want to dissaparate for she didn't know if Bill was still here. Every moment she kept looking back making sure no one was behind her.

"AH!" her body collided with some one else's and they covered her mouth to shut her up. She looked up afraid and saw it was Bill. Her screams subsided and he began to run while pulling her by the hand.

"There they are!" spells shot down from the sky at them and they ran and tried to shoot back.

"Hurry! Hurry!" They heard more death eaters running after them.

"S_ectusempra!_" She saw one of them fall and begin bleeding.

And though she had never done it before she was now grabbing at anything that might allow them to get out of there alive. With all the mental capacity left within her that connection she had, overtime, grown familiar to, split and attached itself to the death eaters running after them. It was difficult but her feet continued to run, although they were beginning to stumble. She couldn't make sense of all the haze clouding her brain. But she was distantly aware that the attacks from behind her and Bill had stopped. The connection flickered and seemed to lose its power before she forced it back.

"Alex!" Her body toppled forward and gave away as she lost control over it. She was stuck; she couldn't break the connection although she desperately wanted to do so.

_Alex no!_ As soon as Harry's voice ran through her mind she lost her vision and any sense of what was happening around her left. All she could see were the flickering images she couldn't break away from, all she could feel was the pain that centered on her brain. As this ability of hers took control of her entire being she lost awareness of her surroundings.

* * *

Bill still hadn't let go of her hand as she toppled forward.

"Alex!" He bellowed when she fell. He ducked away from a killing curse and picked her up and began to run. They were almost there. He could see Aunt Muriel's home in the distance; it was only visible to him. He ran with greater speed, or as much speed as the Alex's body allowed him to get. He chanced a look at her. Her eyes were rolling to the back of her head and her body was convulsing. Her hair had turned black.

"She's a fake!" That's what he heard one of them shouting in the distance. And he began running faster for now they would try to kill her instead of stunning her.

A jet of green light passed inches from her head and his heart almost stopped. Just before he was struck by a curse, he stepped on the safe barrier around the house. He didn't stop running nor did he call his aunt he simply headed to old brush that was glowing blue and he took a hold of it with Alex still in his arms.

* * *

He wasn't able to keep his balance, the moment his feet felt the floor he gave away. Alex's body fell from his grasp and rolled a bit before becoming still.

"Bill!" He felt fleur kneel next to him and wrap her arms around him.

Edward shook Alex's limp body roughly and begged her to wake up. She was alive, he could hear it, but it didn't make things any better. He desperately shook her but there came no reaction.

He looked up blindly and whispered for help for he couldn't manage to speak any higher. They all bustled around Edward who kneeled and held Alex to his chest.

"_Rennervate" _Lupin muttered. Her body twitched and then began to convulse.

"What's happening to her?" Edward said through gritted teeth.

"Alex! Alex! Listen to me!" harry called. Alex eyes opened. What Edward saw there scared him. Her eyes were completely black; the whites of her eyes where black too. She was in trance and horrible grunts and strangled sounds came from her mouth as she convulsed.

"What hit her?" Lupin question urgently.

"Nothing! I don't think anything even touched her. She just fell." Bill was at loss for words. She'd been running behind her something could have hit her without him noticing.

"Carlisle what's happening to her!"

"There's nothing to do Edward. It seems like she's experiencing a seizure. Just keep her from hurting herself."

A horrible cry came from her mouth and settled like a needle inside his heart. Then her black eyes widened and her chest heaved as if the air was being stolen from her.

"she's going to throw up." Mrs. Weasley warned. Everyone took a step back to give her some room, but nobody expected what was to come next.

At the moment that Edward was about to turn her so she could throw up on the grass, her mouth opened and he lost all sense of reason. Red stained his shirt and his white skin. The thick blood ran down Alex's mouth like a river and in one fluid motion that nobody, not even the Cullen's caught, Edward had Alex held only by the neck, her feet had left the floor.

She kicked and punched as she felt another load of blood coming and seemed to pull out of her trance when Edwards hand tightened around her throat. It was too late, he had tasted the sweet nectar he had denied himself for so long, he was gone.

It had all happened in a second, before anyone had any chance to react and in that one second Alex saw the monster from which Edward had run from for so long, she was afraid.

Her trembling hand went to his face and she tried to push it away from her but his hold tightened and she managed to release the blood collecting in her throat. It was a bloodbath and Edward drank from it as if were the manna god had sent to the Hebrews. With each drink he became more lost in the ecstasy of the sickly sweet liquid that slithered down his throat finally quenching that fire that had scorched his insides for two centuries. It was relief like no other and he sought for more. The greatest source of relief laid there right at her neck; as if by the force of a magnet his teeth came closer to her neck and she couldn't say or do anything, he was almost crushing her windpipe. His mouth was inches from grazing her warm red stained skin. She saw the teeth at her neck and she lost all consciousness.

A sudden force of unbelievable strength pushed him away but not before he sank his fingers into his preys flesh as if he had claws, he felt the tearing of flesh and the immediate flow of blood coming from the wound.

They all watched, paralyzed, as Emmett and jasper wrestled the monster away from the highly vulnerable girl whose heartbeats were diminishing fast.

Carlisle hurried and knelt before the scarlet mess she was.

"I need someone to help me close these-"

A ferocious growl seemed to shake the earth and the beast released itself and bounded back towards his prey. Carlisle was violently pushed away and he brought down the tree he hit. Now screams seemed to come from the bystanders. But there was nothing they could do; everything was unraveling so fast there wasn't time to think.

The monster took a hold of the girls hand and was inches from the wrist before he was pushed and wrestled away again. He held on to her arm and pulled roughly, and audible snap was heard as the joint on her shoulder shattered. No sound came from her. Her body merely turned with the force Edwards hold had exerted and she joined the fallen tree.

This time the rest of the Cullen's restrained and pushed him away.

"_Protego!"_ Various wizards shouted at once, creating such a powerful barrier that even when the monster broke away from the others again he was deterred by it. And now the beast was driven into madness and he launched himself onto the ones responsible for his sudden anguish. There were growls, and roars, sounds of cracks, and the trembling of the earth as the close family turned into something beyond horrible. And once more he was in their clutches, struggling to free himself.

Frankie stepped forward and pointed directly at Edwards head.

"_Stupefy!" _

It was unbelievable that even then Edward did not seize his struggles. He was slightly weaker but he was still struggling.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione pointed their wands at him too "_stupefy_!"They said in unison and Edward fell limply to the ground, completely smothered in dirt and blood. The Cullen's looked almost as bad after such a violent struggle.

"Alex!" Harry hurried to his twin sister's side; she was already being tended to by Mrs. Weasley and lupin.

Esme and Alice looked in shock at Edwards's unconscious body. Never in their life could they have imagined him to lose control in such a way. For a moment Alice had actually thought they'd have to rip him apart.

"May I pass?" Carlisle spoke. No one had ever seen him looking so grave and scared as he now was. He was embarrassed by his son's actions although he was fully aware that Edward had had no control over what happened.

Bill scrutinized him for a moment before he, with the help of others, put down the barrier.

Carlisle quickly made his way to where they were tending to Alex.

"I can hardly hear her heartbeat" Carlisle murmured. "She's lost incredible amounts of blood." He was relieved to see that they were stopping the bleeding and magically closing the wounds. Yet the danger wasn't gone. Many things could be wrong. With worry he began to attempt a rough diagnostic. There might be internal bleeding, extreme concussions. Due to the force of the attacker many bones must have been completely shattered and could have harmed vital organs.

How Edward hadn't torn her apart with that pull was beyond him. But it was probably the small amount of venom that seemed to course through her veins that made her more enduring to such a powerful attack.

"She can't die" Harry whispered. He cradled her head in his lap and pressed his forehead to hers as his tears fell on her face.

"Tell me she's going to be fine" harry looked up at Carlisle with fearful eyes. Tough Carlisle was lost for words. Not even he knew if she was going to be fine. Her heart was simply too slow and weak. She needed medical attention immediately. He looked around to see if anything could be done by their hand when Fleur arrived carrying a box full of bottles without labels.

"Thank you dear" Sniffled Mrs. Weasley as she shakily took the box from fleurs hands.

"I stopped the bleeding," she murmured Carlisle felt that she was directing herself towards him. "There could be internal bleeding." She rummaged through the box and pulled out a round purple bottle. Harry raised Alex's head so they could give her the potion. Mrs. Weasley carefully tipped the bottle and a clear liquid fell into Alex's blood stained mouth. "That should take care of it."

"Molly is it possible for you to help her?" Carlisle needed to be sure that she was in capable hands; he desperately wanted to get some x-rays done and see exactly what was wrong.

"I should be able to, no magical harm was done; things aren't as serious" Carlisle found this hard to believe for the situation seemed highly serious to him but he decided to trust her.

He looked back at his family, none of them daring to go near the girl.

"Frank?" Carlisle called quietly.

"Yes?" Frankie did not release his grave eyes from Alex.

"I think it would be more convenient if my family would go back home. We don't know when he'll be waking up and he will need to hunt when he does. We need him as far away from her as possible."

Frankie turned and looked at Edward somberly before speaking. "Yes of course."

They all looked at Alex. They didn't want to leave but too much blood was tainting the air and it was making them grow more uncomfortable every passing minute.

Carlisle stood up and walked towards his family.

" Go-all of you-, do not let Edward out your sight, we don't want him to do something he will regret. When he goes hunting all of you accompany him and don't let him wander off by himself. Be careful, he could wake up very violent."

They all nodded. They understood how important it was to keep an eye on him. He drank human blood; he might try to go for more when he hunted.

Carlisle turned to Esme who silently sobbed.

"Be careful," he whispered to her and kissed her.

"Please tell them were all so sorry. He didn't mean to, Carlisle, it wasn't his fault."

"Shh, I know honey, believe me I know. I will talk to them don't worry. It's nobody's fault."

She nodded and kissed him again. "Will she be fine?"

"I really can't say," Esme nodded and threw a longing glance at Alex, wishing she could walk to her and hug her. "All we can do at the moment is trust that they will fix it."

Before they walked away and crossed the magical security around the house he warned them once more to be careful. Then he went back towards the rest.

When he returned Mrs. Weasley was pouring a milky white liquid down her throat. "She's got broken bones, but I can't really say which ones or how many." She uncorked another bottle and carefully poured a white liquid into her mouth.

"Can that be fixed?" He asked.

"Yes the skele-gro should fix it" She responded then pursed her lips, "although it will be a painful process."

"Thank you, for helping her."

She nodded as her eyes began to water again. "There's no need to thank me. She's like a daughter to me."

Carlisle understood her; in the couple of months he had known her she had become an important member of the family. Even now that she was putting Edward through such grief she still had a place in Carlisle's heart as his daughter.

After a couple of minutes they carried her into the house. George had already moved from the couch so they could lay her on it. The twins had never looked as serious as they did now, seeing her broken body. They quickly cleaned up the blood staining her alarmingly pale skin.

Everyone was quiet afterwards and Carlisle felt the need to explain.

"My family and I," he looked at Harry as he talked, for this was his sister who was nearly killed. "Are deeply apologetic for what has just happened. Please understand that, that man you saw out there tonight was not Edward. Please understand that he had no control over this. He would never consciously harm her, he loves her. Unfortunately accidents like these tend to happen especially in their case. Alex's blood has a very powerful pull to him it's almost impossible to abstain from it. Please forgive my son."

Harry nodded. "Will she be all right?"

Carlisle looked at her sleeping form. Her face was bruising and was beginning to swell. Her nose was very crooked after being a target of so many injuries; her bottom lip was split, cuts and scratches littered her soft angelic features. He directed his gaze to her neck where, starting by her jugular and behind her ear extending to her chin and nose, four long cuts disfigured her face and pulled the left side of her face into a grimace. Her neck was already turning purple.

"She's going to need a lot of rest to regain her strength, but I trust she will make a full recovery," their magic seemed like it would fix her completely and leave no internal damage.

Harry nodded and cleaned his tearstained face with his hand. No one wanted to talk about this any longer. They were all shocked at what they witnessed, if they thought about it now it almost seemed impossible. But one look a t Alex and it was reminder that had actually happened.

"Do you think Mad-Eye made it?" George asked after a while.

"Mad-eye's dead," Bill said gruffly. He explained what had happened and how they had gotten attacked.

Carlisle listened intently to Bill and everyone else as they all speculated about who could have betrayed them. Though Carlisle knew harry had a good heart, this knowledge was further reinforced when Harry claimed that nobody in the room was responsible. Carlisle then saw the deep affection Harry held for every single person in the room.

As they all paid a moment of respect to Mad-Eye Carlisle looked at Alex who remained in a deep slumber that almost made her seem dead had it not been by the weak rise and fall of her chest.

"Harry," he spoke when everyone fell silent. "Has this ever happened to her?"

Harry hesitated. He wasn't sure whether he should talk to him about this. Carlisle caught the hesitation. "Please harry this could be serious."

Harry looked at Alex and hoped she wouldn't be mad at him.

"Just once at the beginning of the summer. But she didn't vomit."

"Do you know what she was doing when this occurred?"

"She was trying to…she was trying to erase my memory."

Carlisle hesitated, suddenly wondering if he had heard right, "excuse me?"

Harry delved into the long explanation of how she came to be what she was and then he explained how it seemed this talent of hers worked. All the while the wheels in Carlisle's mind where turning with an eerie excitement he always felt when discovering a vampire's unique gift.

"What doesn't make sense to me is why this happened," he finished.

"Has Alex always had such a good memory?" Carlisle asked.

"Since she was small it's like she had photographic memory. Of course there are many remarkable things about her."

"Like how she can always seem to confuse people," Ron said, his expression took on a faraway look.

"And convince you" Hermione added.

"Like when she convinced filch that Malfoy had been the one to scatter all that dung through one of the halls," Fred added.

"It was us," George added with a mischievous smile. Mrs. Weasley shot them a reprimanding look.

_Seems like Alex developed what could be a very potential skill when she becomes one of us_ Carlisle thought to himself. For he had a nagging feeling that she would one day be completely like them.

"I have only theories," He began and everyone listened intently.

"When someone is turned into…someone like us. The talents that they possessed are sometimes brought into this new life and enhanced. Edward for example appears to have been good at reading people; hence why he can now read minds. The same goes for Alice and jasper. Hearing you recall these talents of hers makes me think that when she was bitten these talents were enhanced. Which is why she can manipulate minds through the use if imagery. The problem with this is that Alex's mind is still very much human. I don't believe it can support so much mental strength."

"But how can she not? What she can do is more or less like occlumency." Harry argued.

This was an interesting point Carlisle had not thought about.

"Explain to me about this interesting piece of magic. I'm afraid I am not very learned on this area"

Lupin took it upon himself of how occlumency worked. Carlisle was easily able to come to more theoretical conclusions after learning about this.

"The way I see it is occlumency is much more restricted than what she can do. For example you say that she can erase memories right? Occlumency does not do that. I believe that if she were to be a full vampire she could have complete reign over not just one person's minds but many people's minds all at once-"

"That's what she was trying to do tonight," Harry cut into the explanation. "She tried to confuse them so they would stop shooting curses at them and give her and Bill a chance to escape."

"Did it work?"

Harry had seen the whole thing happen in his mind and was certain that it had, indeed, worked. But it had had bad results for her.

"She was able to confuse them. But you saw what happened then. She lost complete control over her body."

"I'd like to think that, if she were ever to fully become like us then she could successfully gain control over multiple minds."

"Complete control?"

"Maybe not in complete control but by the sounds of it I think she could have a lot of influence over ones thought and actions."

"However, given the fact that she is still partly human, I wouldn't recommend that you experiment with this gift of hers. It might seem like she was improving but it may be causing damage to her mind. It could eventually have disastrous consequences."

Harry had never thought about this but now that it had been brought to his attention it made complete sense.

A small grunt brought everyone back from their musings and they all turned to look at the hurt girl. Her eyes tightened and she pressed her lips into a thin line. She tried to move and then groaned in pain.

_Edward_ even her mental voice sounded drained.

She opened her mouth and tried to let out the name. All she let out where senseless slurs.

"Shh, Alex" Carlisle tried to soother her.

"Eeee" she grunted, trying to form the word. "Eeerr" a violent cough overtook her and she cried in pain. As she coughed blood spluttered from her mouth. Mrs. Weasley was quick and she magically conjured a bucket which Carlisle took and he helped Alex turn before she threw up more blood. Harry held her hair and rubbed her back as she dumped more blood.

Carlisle looked down to make sure she didn't choke; the blood barely had an effect of him, though it was still something to be worried about.

When she finished her weak body began to shake and he quickly helped her lay back down.

"eee-"

"Shh Alex, shh don't try to talk right now." Carlisle said.

"She wants Edward" Harry explained.

Carlisle pursed his lips for a moment. "Edward left Alex; he needed to get away because it was dangerous. He had to get his mind clear."

_What's going on? What happened to Edward? Where am I?_

Harry was confused. _**Don't you remember what happened Alex?**_

_What happened?_

"Carlisle? Is it normal that she can't remember what just happened?"

"It's very normal; I would take it to be a sign of a concussion. The slurred speech is also a symptom of a concussion."

_Edward!_

"He can't be here right now Alex." Harry said a bit firmer.

"I'll bring him as soon as I can, but he needs to recover" Carlisle said and he reached to smooth her hair back.

_Recover? _She was in near hysterics. _What happened to him_!

She stirred and let out a wail of pain. _Why does it hurt so much!_

Harry took her cold hand and grasped it tightly. _**Calm down melody everything is going to be fine. **_

But she didn't hear this for she had soon passed out again.

"She's going to be sleeping a lot for the next few days," Carlisle explained. "Her body is weak and it needs to rest," he glanced down at the cuts; they would scar badly, and she shouldn't be burdened with them, nor should Edward have a constant reminder of this day to torment him furthermore. "Can these wounds be fixed?"

"The wounds are still fresh, the skin there is tender but I should be able to remove them once they're healed." Mrs. Weasley said.

"Thank you." He said from the very bottom of his frozen heart. "For everything you have done for her."

Mrs. Weasley shook her head, slightly pink in the face. "It's nothing."

Carlisle glanced at Frankie who nodded at him.

"Well, I must get back to my family and explain to them what happened," they all understood he was referring to Mad Eye. "And they must be anxious to know about Alex."

* * *

That night while everyone tried to sleep- tried for moody's death hung above them and saddened them greatly- Alex lay on the cot in Ginny's room having a mental talk with Harry who was upstairs in Ron's room. She'd woken up in the middle of the night and seemed to remember the incidents of the day. She was awake despite her body's protests, but she would give in to sleep soon.

_I've never heard of a wand acting like that,_she said after Harry recounted the events of earlier in the day.

_**Nobody has**_ Alex could tell he was frustrated _**they all reckon it was me but I know it wasn't. I've never done anything like that. nor do I know any spell that could possibly do close to it. **_

_Maybe you did it unconsciously._

_**I know I didn't!**_

_Okay, okay I get it. You didn't do it. But then what happened. I mean Voldemort wasn't using his own wand so you can't blame the twin cores thing. _

She was met with silence as he mulled things over.

_**Dumbledore would have had an answer to this **_

She tried to squirm and then thought better of it. Her whole right side hurt.

_Yes I reckon he would. _

_**How are you feeling?**_ The sudden change of conversation threw her off for a second.

_My whole right side hurts. _

_**Well it's no wonder apparently your ribs were completely broken. The bones in your arm were shattered. And you hit a tree Alex. Did you expect to be feeling better in no time? **_

_Yes my body does seemed to be attracted to trees when its being thrown around…what happened? I remember when he caught me by the neck but I fainted afterwards. _

A sudden flashback and reminded her of the animalistic look in Edwards eyes as he looked up at her in hunger. A hunger that was completely different to the one she had seen before in him, she didn't like it.

_**Well I can't say I saw clearly, it all happened so fast. One moment he had you and the next Emmett and jasper were struggling with him. Then the next thing we know he was pulling you from the arm then you hit the tree. It was all really confusing. **_

Well then it was no wonder that she was so hurt from her whole right side.

_**Don't worry**_ he said.

_I have to worry, Harry, this is going to kill him. He's capable of doing something stupid because of this. I'm scared. I need to see him. _

_**You're going to see him soon. I'm sure of it. **_

_Wish I could be as calm as you are though. _

_**I'm simply calm about this matter because I'm not desperately in love with him**__. _

She rolled her eyes and tried to readjust her body but was unsuccessful.

_I can't believe mad-eyes gone._She didn't want to continue this conversation; Edward was in her mind enough as it was.

_**Yeah well we couldn't imagine Dumbledore dying and you see what happened. **_

_I…I guess you're right. _

While Alex didn't want to touch the subject of Edward, Harry did not want to think of Mad Eyes death either. Alex kept remembering how he was killed and Harry didn't like seeing that.

_**Carlisle reckons that you ought to stop trying to look into people memories. You realize that none of this would have happened if you hadn't tried to tamper with their heads. **_

_You realize that if I hadn't done that then Bill and I would probably be dead. At least I'm here right. _

_**Yes but look at the condition you're in.**_

_The way I see it, it's better than being dead. _

She heard Harry's small chuckle.

_**You always have to win don't you?**_

_I've lost before. _

_**Carlisle has this theory, he thinks you have control over a person's mind through imagery. You've always had an amazing photographic memory, and you're very persuasive, that and other talents of yours, he thinks, were enhanced when you were bitten. That's why you can do all of those things. But he says that you're mind is still mostly human and not strong enough to support your ability. **_

_But I was getting better at it. _

_**Yes but he says that you look fine on the outside but he's right we don't know how it's affecting your mind. **_

_That does make sense._

_**Guess that means those lessons have to stop. **_

_Right…_

_**Alex,**_ the reproaching tone registered in her mind.

_Trust me harry, I know what I'm doing. _

_**No you don't. None of this would have happened today.**_

_Yeah you're right. I would've been dead before it happened. _

_**Go to sleep Alex.**_

For a change she listened to him and slept through the rest of the night and until noon.

* * *

_**Earlier that day **_

Bella had been sitting in the library, reading a book she had recently purchased, when she heard a distinct crack that, she had come to learn, indicated the arrival of a witch or wizard.

Things hadn't been well between her and Edward. She had stopped her advances towards him in the hopes that he might realize that he was losing her and then he would pull himself together. There was no such luck. She didn't know what to do anymore so she decided to let her motionless heart guide her.

She closed the book and headed downstairs. When she was out of the house she stopped and took in what was before her eyes. The family was disheveled indicating some sort of struggle. And Edward lay at their feet completely unconscious and looking like the most beautiful corpse she had ever laid eyes upon. Yet for obvious reasons she knew he was merely unconscious. She gasped at the sight of the blood running all over his face and her eyes rolled back with delight as she caught a whiff of the smell.

"Stop that," Jasper warned her.

She struggled for a moment to ignore the smell. It wasn't like the source of the delightful smell was even there, that's what she told herself.

"What did he do?" she said in quiet horror. She was sure that he had killed her. And although she didn't like Alex she knew that the young witch's life wasn't supposed to end this way. And Edward, Edward was sure to do something stupid because of this. She briefly wondered whether he'd attempt suicide but quickly pushed the thought aside. He wouldn't be doing such a thing while she was there to prevent it.

"He attacked Alex that's what he did," Rosalie said, although she was bothered and preoccupied about her youngest sister she didn't blame Edward. She'd once been a bloodthirsty newborn and she knew how hard it was to abstain. If this _la tua cantante_ thing he had really was harder to ignore than a simple newborns bloodlust then she didn't think she'd be able to abstain from it either. Rosalie admired Edward for his strength. And although Edward had had weaker moments, he gave Carlisle a run for his money.

"Is she alright?"

"Half dead maybe," Emmett responded "but at least she's half alive."

"Why did he attack her?"

"She vomited blood all over him,"

A sudden movement from Edward kept Bella from asking for further explanations.

He hadn't even stirred; he simply opened his eyes and took off in search of something that would come somewhat close of the smell that plagued him.

"Bella!" Alice said in the distance, the whole family pursued Edward as he headed towards the town. "Block our minds to him!"

Suddenly Edward couldn't hear a single thought. His reliance on his mental ear was too great and he was left dumbfounded; but the need he felt maintained him running. Searching for any human he could gets his hands on.

They came at him from all sides, effectively blocking him. Emmett took his chance and lunged at him and struggled to pin him to the ground. He rested his full weight on top of Edward who was still struggling and Jasper placed placed a hand on Edwards's hair and the other under his jaw, he forced his face upwards and Edward stilled. His breath came in heavy pants and he looked at all of them with murder written all over his eyes. He began to growl at all of them and tried to wriggle out.

"Listen- LISTEN TO ME EDWARD!" Jaspers voice echoed throughout the woods and everyone was quiet.

"Bella you can unblock my mind please," Jasper said smoothly. Bella nodded and did as told.

And Edward saw Alex's look of terror as he held her up by the throat. He felt her panic and horror at what was going on before the shock and strength made her pass out.

Bella freed everybody else's mind and Edward saw just how much damage he had caused.

"Did I-"

"She's alive Edward," Esme assured him.

"Barely," Emmett snorted. Rosalie stomped on his foot.

It might be hard to believe but Edward was a million times more broken than Alex was at the moment.

* * *

**Alex's P.O.V**

"Have you seen him?" I was in one of my moments of coherence and wasted no time in trying to obtain news of him.

"It's only been a day Alex and Frankie was not able to come. But I'm sure he's fine," Harry tried to inch the spoon full of soup to my mouth and I moved my head away. I gasped in pain at the sudden movement.

Since I woke up my life had turned into a nightmare. I could hardly move without hurting and even while I wasn't moving I was hurting! The whole right side of my bones had apparently been fractured and as if I didn't have enough head injuries I received a nice concussion to my head.

I'd spent the entire day sleeping, being force fed, and being utterly useless.

"Don't worry Alex I'm sure he's still alive," Hermione said with a gentle smile.

"Wish I could be sure too," I muttered.

I wondered if the dead felt this heavy, even my head felt like it was a hundred pounds.

Call me stupid but I did not blame Edward one bit. Nobody did except him of course. It was an accident and accidents happen. I couldn't expect him to have complete control around me all the time and he was caught off guard this time. Something like this was bound to happen.

* * *

The days passed and I began to regain my strength. Soon I was back on my feet although I was still very sore and bruised on the face and neck. Not to mention the four humongous cuts on my neck that looked like I was attacked by a lion. My nose however…well I suppose I could ask Mrs. Weasley to straighten it. Or maybe even I can do it.

A total of three days had passed since the accident. I'd seen Frankie but he would simply say, "He's beyond himself, let him calm down"

I wanted to claw my eyes out in frustration every time he said that.

* * *

The day before my birthday I sadly watched from Ginny's room, the sun sink behind the hills. I heard someone come in to check on me. Then Hermione sat down next to me on the bed.

"Is he really going to leave me alone on my birthday?" I mumbled.

"Isn't this what you wanted?"

The comment made me feel as if I were slapped in the face. I suppose that was true but…I don't know. I'm worried about him I can't lead him to think that I think he's some sort of bad person or something of the sorts.

"I dint want it to be like this."

"You know how much easier things would be if he just stayed away until you left?" With some effort I turned my neck to face her.

"I have a plan Hermione. One that won't leave him crawling on the ground with grief when he doesn't know whether I'm still alive or not, I need him to come."

I slowly turned my head back and was surprised to see that the sun had already left.

"Do you think he'll come?"

I heard a small chuckle from her.

"Really melody, you contradict yourself too much… I think his family will eventually drag him here. If I've learned enough about him then I'm ready to bet he's scared of seeing you."

"The vampire scared of the witch…how interesting."

She ignored me and inched closer to my face.

"Those bruises look ugly." I looked away, feeling uncomfortable under such scrutiny.

"Mrs. Weasley toned them down as much as she could. My face looked all purple before," a huge yawn made its way out of my mouth and it frustrated me. I'd been sleeping too much to be considered healthy.

* * *

"Happy birthday!"

I was far from happy but I still smiled as I took a seat on the crowded table and dutifully ate a full plate of scrambled eggs.

Once I was done I excused myself to the backyard where the grass has just been cut. It was odd seeing the yard so clean, it looked foreign to me. Slowly I made my way to a tree and at a tremendously slow pace I sat on the ground.

It was odd, knowing that I could do magic outside of the walls of Hogwarts. I hadn't done one bit of magic since I woke up, I had to see for myself that I really was free in almost every way possible. Pulling out my wand I looked at it for a long time. I felt my hand tightening its hold on it and felt as if my hand had a mind of its own lifting itself and then coming down in a fast swiping motion. I flinched at the movement but I saw as ribbons of colors spurted from the tip of my wand; an old charm I had learned in my first year I hadn't used it in a very long time and the colors still caught my attention.

But as soon as I heard a faint _pop_ my concentration broke and the ribbons disappeared. Instead I turned (and winced) to look at who had just arrived. Suddenly my day didn't seem as bad. The Cullen's and Frankie were making their way towards the burrow. All of them were holding a gift and big smiles on their faces. It felt like it had been years since I had smiled and I liked the feeling. With effort I managed to get to my feet by which time the Cullen's had already reached me. I was gently enveloped by loving arms as everyone wished me a happy birthday and took a good look at my beat up face.

I saw Emmett's face and guessed he wanted to say something about it badly. It was a wonder he hadn't already blurted it out.

"I look tougher like this don't I?" Emmett burst into fits of laughter and brought me in for a none too gentle hug I winced but remained quiet.

"How are you feeling Alex?" Carlisle took me in and gently kissed my forehead. I smiled at him and hugged him back loving the warm feeling that spread throughout me as he embraced me.

"Well I'm useless right now but I'm recovering; everything's fine," Carlisle smiled and he hugged me once more.

"Well were gonna head inside," Alice said. "There's another birthday kid we must congratulate."

"Hardly a kid anymore, technically we're adults already." I could not help but sound arrogant.

Alice came to my side and although everyone could hear what she said she still leaned in and whispered into my ear.

"Work your magic on him Alex." she winked at me and I just offered a lopsided smirk as they began to walk into the house. I looked towards them as they disappeared through the door of the house.

I'd planned and rehearsed this talk with him these last four days; I just never planned out how I would start it.

When I turned to him he wasn't looking at me like I hoped. Instead his eyes were tightly closed as if he was trying to wake up from a horrible nightmare. I would suppose that this was a nightmare to him.

Slowly I walked towards him. I didn't want to push him too much because surely this was already hard enough. So when I took the first step and his hands balled into fists and his whole body stiffened I stopped and hesitated for a second before continuing my way. He never moved, it set my nerves on edge.

Standing right in front of him I took his fists into mine and slipped my fingers into the tight fists. I wished I could look up at him but the current state of my neck left me unable to do so. But I felt as his lips pressed softly to my head and remained there. My hands managed to open his hands and interlaced our fingers.

Forget staying away from him, I was going to take whatever time we were given. I could be gone by next week and I may never come back the future was more unpredictable than ever. I couldn't waste any time.

I pressed my nose against his chest and inhaled, all the while I listened as he did the same. But his breaths were slower deeper, more measured and much more guarded. His hands slightly tightened around mines.

"Don't say it," I whispered as I leaned into him. "Nobody here is blaming you for any of it."

"It was unacceptable," I hate him so much when he's so self deprecating!

"It's nobody's fault there was no way you could have known-"

"I didn't need to know! I needed more control!" Before I knew it I was alone and Edward paced a good distance away from me.

"More Edward? What more can you want?"

He made a move to come near but then turned his back.

"I want a healthy relationship with you. One where neither of us gets hurt Alex." I heard his sigh and observed as his head hung low and his shoulders fell as if he had a huge amount of weight upon them. "And when I had my chance to obtain that…I didn't take it"

And now as I thought of that, I was glad he hadn't agreed to change me. It would have completely rendered me useless if I hadn't been able to control my bloodlust.

"I…I promised myself I would never hurt you."

"That monster that attacked me…it wasn't you. When I looked you in the eye…you just weren't there." I walked back to him and softly encased one of his hands with both of mines. "The fact that you can stand being this close to me, that you can control yourself at my touch that already gives you more control than probably even Carlisle has."

He looked down and flinched when he saw the damage.

"Edward this is nothing, it's going to go away. But you know what won't go away? The miserable feeling that this memory of my birthday will always hold if you don't learn to live with what happened. Don't give me a bad time today Edward. I was looking forward to a visit from you."

He would have cried had he been human, he swept me up into a gentle hug and pressed his forehead to mines. "Why are you so good to me?" a small sob left his mouth and it made me smile.

"If you're not good to yourself then who is Edward?"

"Will you ever forgive me?"

"I would if there was anything to forgive."

I felt his lips touch mine but before I could respond he flinched away from me while hissing.

"Everything is so much harder now," his gold eyes were hidden behind tightly shut eyelids. His whole expression twisting into a painful grimace. His fingers dug into his white palms and the tendons at his forearms became more defined as he stiffened. Though his lips were parted his teeth were clenched and he took deep heavy breaths.

"Then were going to have to set boundaries. But I'm determined to spend the whole day with you Edward. Whether you want to or not." I went to take my seat back under the tree and after a moment he followed after me. His body never touched mines but I could still feel the heat coming from him. I turned to look at him although he didn't. His eyes were firmly set on the clearing of the yard.

"I forgot…happy birthday," he said.

He was trying it was plain to see .It didn't seem like there would be any smiles coming from him today. It didn't matter as long as I was near him and talking to him. Making sure he wasn't wallowing in guilt was the best birthday present I could ever get.

"Very happy indeed, despite the circumstances."

"I've missed you _so much_ you have no idea-"

"I do. Did you think I didn't care enough to miss you? You're the one thought that's always running around in my mind, it's maddening."

"I thought…when I saw that you weren't coming. I thought the worse" He shook his head, as if trying to get rid of a bad memory. And he probably was remembering the wait for my arrival to the burrow. Everything had gone so horribly wrong that day. "How many bad times are you planning on giving me before I cease to exist?"

"I never do them on purpose. There was no way around it. You really don't deserve everything I put you through…but neither you nor I will have it any other way."

He didn't respond.

"There really was no time for me to feel anything. While I was in the air I thought I would die for sure. I really don't know how both Bill and I survived. Everything happened so fast…it all becomes a blur now."

I must have been scared…but I suppose that adrenaline overthrew the feeling. But here I was, fate must really want me alive, which further proves why I had to embark in such a dangerous journey. There was no other way, this was what I wanted.

"I saw you." I looked back at him but he stared straight ahead.

"Excuse me?"

"Through harry's mind I could hear your frantic thoughts. And he and I had a small glimpse of you…"

Harry hadn't told me this.

"What did you see?" I realized that my voice was barely a whisper.

"One of them," he took a deep breath and clenched his hands. "He was choking you and you were, you were," a small humorless chuckle came from him. "You were clawing at his face and neck. Then I saw you running through the woods. They were behind you weren't they?"

"They were very close by." I nodded. "It's a miracle you know? I probably told you this on my last birthday. But after all that's happened all these. After everything that happened four days ago… I'm still alive it's kind of amazing."

"Maybe it's another opportunity…" I could see the words he wanted to say written in his face; I do not think I'd ever seen his emotions so out in the open.

"For us?" I wished he were right…but that future seemed too far away from my reach. There were other things I needed to focus on.

"I shouldn't have waited for you to leave so I could decide what I wanted. Alex-"

I twitched when he appeared in front of me so unexpectedly. His expression begged for understanding.

"I always knew what I wanted. I just…I was too much of a coward to come forward and say it. Forgive me Alex, because my cowardice hurt you and it pushed you away. I've done many unacceptable things melody..."

Slowly he leaned in and placed his hands on either side of my face. His eyes drew me in and kept me transfixed there.

"You must really love me if you are still willing to forgive what I have done and overlook it. Either that or, forgive me but, you are exceedingly stupid."

I chuckled. "It's probably both but more of the first one. It was about time you realized that."

"I won't ever be able to forgive myself Alex…but I plan to take full advantage of the fact that you do seem to forgive my flaws."

"Edward, listen to yourself! For once in your life just _listen_!"I took his hands and removed them from my face. "You think I want you to be perfect? Is that what you think I expect form you? I know you have flaws; nobody not even a vampire is perfect, I've seen that. If perfection is what I expected from you then I would have never even loved you to begin with. I don't want you be perfect, I want you like this because this is who you are. Don't try to be something you're not."

"I know you're not asking me to be perfect- but I feel like I have to in order to even considered worthy of being with you. I know you're not perfect but you're damn near-"

"Only in your eyes silly. Ask the rest of the world and they'll tell you the truth about me."

"And because that's how I see you in my eyes I need to feel worthy of your love. I understand I might never get to that goal but it doesn't mean I'm going to let you go. Not again."

I looked away and couldn't help the frown that took place… the most I had with him was days and afterwards I might not ever see him again. My throat tightened at the sudden realization.

"Please look at me."

I took a deep breath and looked back at him he himself was frowning. Using his thumb he smoothed the lines that my frown formed on my forehead.

"I wish we were under different circumstances but you have to know. Yes I'll change you if that's what you want…if it's the only way to have a healthy relationship and you're willing to do it then I will do it. Like you say you're already halfway there. But Alex…maybe it's too soon and you're still too young but I have to ask now…will you marry me?"

The words ran loudly in my head. My heart stopped before it restarted and went at full speed. My stomach lurched and I felt as if I was about to regurgitate it. I shook my head to try to get the room from spinning and winced at the movement.

"Alex?" his voice sounded far away and it took a couple of moments before I realized I had yet to answer.

_YES!_ That's what I wanted to scream out but I couldn't.

"Why are you asking me for this?" I whispered.

He hesitated and understanding sunk in. He pulled away and sat back down on my side without looking at me. The guilt taking over me was overwhelming I quietly crossed my arms across my chest and shrunk away from him.

"Is it hard to believe that I want to be with you for eternity?"

"I can't say yes Edward," he looked at me and I focused on pulling on the grass we were sitting on.

"I can't promise to marry you when I might not be able to keep it…Is this your way to make me stay? Or to go with me?"

He shook his head. "It's one of my reasons…but I do want to marry you and begin a life with you. I've often caught myself day dreaming of that day, I want that dream to be a reality. Now more than ever."

I shook my head and tried to look at the sky.

"Marriage wouldn't change things Edward…I'd still leave even if it killed me. I don't want to make things harder than they need to be."

"You're really set on leaving aren't you?"

"You know I am."

"I'm going to do everything in my power to keep you from that Alex. But I know I won't succeed, it doesn't mean I'm going to go down without a fight though. But just promise me Alex that when everything is over you're going to marry me."

"No…"

"No?"

"I can't make a promise I might not keep. I can't leave you looking forward to something that might not ever happen…I might never come back."

His hand reached out to take my arm before it stopped in midair and curled into a shaking fist.

"Don't say that," he growled through clenched teeth. "Don't even think about that. You're not-you can't- Alex-"

"Edward I don't want to talk about this. Please don't make me cry on my birthday."

I bit my lip hard as he stood up and paced.

"This is just too hard…" I sensed his eyes on me and even if I had wanted to look at him my neck hurt too much when I looked at the sky. Why was it taking so long to heal?

"But I'm not going to give up," it came more as a promise.

"As happy as that makes me…I wish you would. It would make things so much easier for me."

"Well right now the last I want is to make things easy for you Alex. I'm going to do everything in my power to be at you're side."

My eyes were watery and I was trying to discreetly remove the tears before I felt his warm thumbs clean them away.

"I'm sorry. An angel shouldn't cry on their birthday. This discussion is over okay."

The tears came faster than he could wipe them away and I wrapped my arms around him with strangled sobs escaping me.

Though his body was rigid he stroked my back and quietly made soothing shushing sounds.

"I love you so much Edward Cullen," I whispered behind his shoulder.

"I know angel, I hope you know that I love you too. I would have left a long time ago if I didn't, Alex."

"I know," I sobbed and allowed him some distance from me so he could compose himself.

* * *

"If there's one thing I know about Dumbledore is that he would never give me something that is simply a souvenir." I said as I walked with the Cullen's to the edge of the protective barrier. "He would have challenged harry and I."

Scrimgeour had left a couple of minutes ago after giving us what was in Dumbledore's will. Harry Hermione and Ron were just as confused as I was nothing of what he left us made sense. And then harry hadn't even gotten the Gryffindor sword. But how was the sword even important? It's not like it was a horcrux.

"And you say nothing happened?" The Cullen's hadn't been there when Scrimgeour had spoken to us but they clearly heard what was going on. And there was no doubt Edward saw the whole scene through someone's mind.

"Nothing happened, and like Hermione said, they have flesh memories, Dumbledore would have taken advantage of that."

"Maybe they changed the snitch?" Jasper offered.

"What would they get with that?"

"More time to try and find out what was in it?"

"No," Edward spoke. "That's the snitch, his thoughts didn't indicate anything of the sort…do you remember the day you caught that snitch."

I rolled my eyes although I don't think he caught it. "Well it's not every day you come close to swal-"

Oh my god…

I stopped on my tracks and everyone seemed to sense I'd figured something out.

"Of course" I half laughed to myself. "Nothing ever escapes Dumbledore." I raised my head enough to see their expressions. "I never caught that snitch with my hand. I caught it-"

"With your mouth," Edward realized. "You told me"

He was gone and then he was back in a second. In his hand was the golden little ball that had been fluttering around us a couple of seconds ago. It was struggling in his hand and the moment he handed it to me the snitch became still. As I lifted the golden ball to my lips I was certain that something was going to happen. For a second the cold metal grazed my lips and then I heard Alice gasp.

"Something is forming on it." If Alice saw it then so did everyone else except Frankie and I. Immediately a ball of white light appeared at the tip of his wand and lighted the snitch he and I drew closer to it while the others could see perfectly from the distance.

I recognized the writing too well, I just didn't understand what it meant. I knew he would have never made things easy for us.

"I open at the close," Emmett read out loud. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I couldn't have asked it better myself.

"Seems to me like you have a lot of thinking to do," Frankie walked forward and gave me a hug. "But not tonight, we don't want you to be falling asleep tomorrow during the wedding."

I smiled but the word wedding made me feel guilty towards Edward. After we decided to end such a problematic discussion we talked but our conversations were short, both of us needed time to come to terms with what had happened and what was going to happen. As every single thought passed by the future seemed to become more real; like it was being slowly etched into stone marking it as something that must and was going to happen no matter what. Today I could have said yes to him, I could have agreed to marry him and stay with him. The future didn't permit me, it was written and I could not change it.

When we had gone into the burrow we quietly listened to everyone else speaking. He was all across the other side of the kitchen so as to not put himself in too much temptation he had said. And then they began to talk about the wedding. His eyes had tightened in the slightest before he excused himself back to the yard. I had followed him and he heard me. With his back to me he answered my unspoken question.

"I know your intentions are good…but it hurts to know you'd rather go off and risk getting killed than marrying me and facing this with me."

I began to say something but he had cut me off.

"You don't have to prove anything to me melody. I do not doubt you; you don't need to put yourself in the hands of death just to prove yourself. I deserve to be part of this too."

When he turned around his expression did not match his angry voice. He face gave nothing away.

"Maybe it's me who I need to prove myself to. I don't want to hide behind everyone's back like before. There are so many factors that keep me from marrying you Edward but it all ultimately leads to the biggest reason of all…I have to go and that's that."

He just wouldn't give up and it began to irritate me.

"Just stop," I said before he could talk. "This will get us I ask for is peace on this day but apparently that's asking for too much with you."

The rest of the day we didn't exchange a word. I don't know whether he was angry or sad it could have been both. I found it hard to decipher his feelings.

"There's little chance of me falling asleep tomorrow that's for sure. But my mind will be very occupied tonight."

I began to say goodbye to everyone when Alice stopped me. "Wait for me tomorrow I'm doing your hair. No excuses."

I offered a tight smile. Knowing Alice she would want to treat me as if I were the one that was going to get married. "Okay Alice."

I looked at Edward who looked intently back at me.

"I just want to spend as much time as I can with you, with both of us happy…is that too much to ask?"

He pursed his lips and stepped forward to kiss my head chastely. "I'll see you tomorrow," he promised.

* * *

_**Were leaving the day after the wedding. **_

_Oh…alright. _I suppose that was the best… I turned on my cot and looked out Ginny's window. Tonight the moonlight shone directly through the window and made her light blue room give off a certain peaceful aura that, despite the sadness that I carried within me, it warmed me to my very core.

_**We really shouldn't be wasting any more time.**_

_Right…the sooner we start the sooner this will end. _

_**Exactly. Are you ready for this? **_

_I've been waiting for it for a long time, but I don't think I will ever be ready. _

_**Well we've still got until tomorrow. **_

_Yeah…tomorrow…_

I think he sensed that I did not wish to keep the mental conversation for his thoughts stopped. I didn't sleep through the whole night, my thoughts alternated between Edward and the snitch through the whole night.

* * *

There was a lot of commotion the following morning. Everyone getting dressed and putting the finishing touches to the house and everything else. The girls and I were in Ginny's room already getting ready. Alice hadn't arrived yet and I was in no mood to wait for her.

"She will have your head for not waiting for her." Ginny laughed as I began to pile the top half of my hair in a loose bun.

They'd decided that Harry and I would be disguised and since Harry was already posing as a Weasley I would be acting out the part of a cousin of fleur.

"Wont it be odd though," I said as I pinned the blond curls. "If I'm a cousin of Fleur's and I'm walking around with a Weasley?"

"Maybe…" Hermione said as she got into her robes, "but I don't think anyone is going to really be paying attention to you, Just the bride and groom."

She had a point.

"I heard Alice was going to help fleur with her hair."

"Great! Then she won't have time to worry about my hair."

Harry and Ron had already gotten ready and were out showing people to their seats.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror and wondered how much time it would take the Cullen's to know it was me. There wasn't a single trait that would give me away.

"This should be fun," I said when the silence felt awkward.

"Alex I have all of your things packed all right?"

"When did you do that?"

"Yesterday when you were very occupied."

About an hour later we were all ready and were going to go out and see if we could help.

* * *

**Edward's P.O.V**

Alice paced hurriedly around the living room the expression on her face was almost comical to me.

When the morning arrived we all retreated into our respective rooms to ready ourselves for the first party since my wedding with Bella. At the moment she was tucked away in the library making all inhabitants of the Cullen house feel irrevocable guilt. Just like everyone else I attempted to ignore the feeling as I meticulously readied myself.

The goal was to blend with all the other wizards in the wedding. And for that we had all been provided with what they called dress robes. At the current moment the most audible thought was Emmett's.

_What is this! I feel ridiculous!_

Along with that came not so polite words that made me chuckle. The clothing was odd but I'd become so accustomed to seeing Frankie dressed in a similar fashion when he arrived from work that it felt normal to some extent.

"Alice you should calm down," I spoke. "He's here."

"Why do humans have to be so damn slow," she muttered.

Just as he entered the house I heard Bella come into my room.

"Knock knock," her voice was soft…sad. She leaned on door and appraised me. Instead of the compliment I thought was going to come from her she said, "I have a bad feeling."

"About the wedding?"

She nodded. "of course it could be just my mind."

"It's your mind," Emmett strode in looking more confident in his clothes than he really was. "What's the worse that could happen? That fleur gets cold feet about this?"

"Emmett!" Rosalie's voice came from downstairs.

"Guess that means it's time to go."

He disappeared from sight and left Bella and I to an awkward moment.

"Well…" she fidgeted with the sleeve of her sweater. "Have fun."

I nodded. "we'll see you in a few hours." I made a gesture to reach for her merely out of courtesy but thought better of it.

* * *

When we arrived to the burrow, wizards had already begun to arrive. Ron, Fred, George and a short red haired boy were showing people to their seats.

"I have to go see fleur," Alice announced. "And Alex might still be inside."

_I hope she realized I'm not going to be able to do her hair_ I chuckled at Alice's worried thoughts.

I tried to locate where Alex was at the moment but she wasn't in anyone's thoughts. She wasn't out here either so she must be in the house.

The rest of us made our way towards the red haired boy that was free for the moment.

As we approached him the voice of his thoughts confused me. "Harry?"

The red haired boy turned looking bewildered he smiled when he saw us. "Didn't take you long to recognize me"

"Why are you disguised?"

"We just thought it'd be safer if no one knew we were here."

So that must explain why I hadn't seen Alex. Realizing this I looked around trying to spot her again although that might almost be impossible.

"That's her," I turned in direction in which he was pointing. A tall breathtaking blond was making her way towards us with a knowing smile placed upon her seductive, full, and pouty lips. My expression must have come across as comical for it was surely the reason her sky blue eyes seemed full of amusement aimed towards me. Just as I tried to find any sort of resemblance to my Alex, anything that would assure me it was still her, I found I was unable to hear a single whisper from her head.

Once assured that this really was her I took in her new self, her temporary disguise. The long golden curls that framed a thin well structured face. With defined angular features that were sharp. I took in her soft looking flesh colored skin that held bare hints of a rosy blush. I examined her nose the straight line of it ending with a sharp tip. The high and sharp cheekbones that gave her an air of elegance and delicacy. Her striking blue eyes were unlike anything I'd ever seen it was the loveliest of blues that were only emphasized by the long black eyelashes that created a beautiful frame for such piercing eyes. The sharp eyebrows that made her seem more serious than she really was and slightly intimidating. My eyes seemed to have a mind of their own as the wandered down her tall and perfect body, clad in blue robes that matched her eye color to perfection. No scars, no sign that my hand had ever disfigured her. This woman seemed to have been handed in by Mother Nature itself, she was breathtaking, she was beautiful…but she wasn't Alex. At least on the outside she wasn't.

"So if I'm judging your expression correctly, I take it you like it," this unknown woman spoke in my Alex's sweet voice.

"You know Alex I don't think Edward has ever been left this speechless," Emmett winked at her and she smiled. I caught Rosalie's passing thoughts and was surprised that even now while she knew this was Alex that familiar jealousy was within her, threatening to rear its ugly head. She didn't let any of it show through, however she merely smiled Alex.

Alex was looking at me now and I could not help but be brought back into her aquamarine colored eyes.

"You're beautiful," I said stroking a golden curl. "But it's not you. I'd much rather you be yourself than to disguise your appearance. Although given the circumstances…"

"It's for the best right now," She went to greet the rest of us.

"You look hot as a blonde," Emmett said and was elbowed by Rosalie.

"That was the point," she discreetly signaled towards a small group of blonde girls congregating happily and just as attractive as the person in front of me. "I'm supposed to be one of fleurs cousins and their all like half veela so I had to play the part and resemble them. They couldn't have too many unknown Weasleys. So I was kicked out. I had to have someone get me new robes, never been this tall before. Kind of weird actually."

She looked around her and frowned and pursed her lips when she looked back up she smiled.

"It's very weird to almost be at your eye level." I smiled and carefully brought her into my arms she wrapped her arms around my waist. "I think it's about to start," she said to all of us.

Just as she said it Harry returned and ushered us to our seats.

"Will you sit next to me?" I hoped she would. I wanted her next to me as my partner not at some distance from me as the person who was mine no more.

I do not believe she had planned to sit with our family and I but she acceded and took a seat on a golden chair next to me. Harry, Ron, Hermione and the twins sat in front of us. There was talking around us for a few more minutes before it was announced that bride was coming.

A wizards wedding was one of the most beautiful things about this world that I had yet to see. I caught Alex looking very thoughtful through the ceremony; a small frown took place on her forehead. I raised her hand and kissed it lightly she turned to look at me and smiled though it did not take away the slight sadness that her eyes held.

Could she be thinking of my proposal just as much as I was?

"Its okay," I whispered low enough so that only she could hear.

"I wish it were true," she whispered back.

The ceremony went smoothly; to say that we were in awe of all of this was understatement. In truth the introduction of Alex to the family had given us so many new experiences that it was truly rejuvenating to each and every one of us. This was a new episode in our existence, one we had waited for ,for so long.

* * *

**Alex's P.O.V **

"Her hair looks lovely Alice congratulations." There had been no time to greet her before the ceremony.

"Thank you," she looked at me and nodded in approval. "Who did your hair?"

"I feel insulted Alice," I scoffed at her, "do you really think I have no talent for this kind of thing?"

I heard Rosalie and Esme chuckle at my mocking tone.

"Well you learn something new every day right? You look stunning considering the fact that this," with her hand she motioned to my body, "isn't you."

"No, but it's safer this way, trust me."

"Yes well I suppose that's true."

I looked around and saw harry who had been just abandoned by Hermione and Ron.

Was that, "Krum?"

"What?" Rosalie asked.

"Oh no, excuse me for a second," I said and walked towards their table.

"Bored much barny?" I laughed when I heard what his name was and even now I had a hard time keeping a straight face.

"Hmm," he grunted. I chuckled and casually turned to look at the man who was at the table.

"Viktor Krum?" I said almost in disbelief.

He had already been looking at me and had to blink a few times when I spoke to him.

"Do I know you?" his voice was rough just as I remembered it to be.

"No but I do daresay that everyone at this gathering knows who you are…or most of them anyway."

"Oh, right."

"Come dance with me," Harry interrupted.

He took me by the hand and led me to the dance floor. I had to laugh at our situation; he was considerably shorter than I was. He was trying to tell me something but it was simply too funny in the end we just pulled away to a quiet and lonely area of the field.

"Do you remember I told you about gregorovitch?"

"Yes and quite frankly the name does not seem familiar to me."

"Try and remember and trust me you will."

My eyebrows furrowed and I put my mind to work. The images flew by through my head but in none of them did the name pop up.

I sighed and rubbed my forehead as I looked around and saw Krum looking in my direction again.

Krum! That's why harry had linked the name with quidditch! And I missed this?

"Yes, I remember he made Krum's wand right?"

"Exactly!"

"Voldemort's looking for another wand maker? What Ollivander was not good enough?"

"I don't believe that Ollivander was able to explain to him why my wand acted that way. Maybe he's looking for an explanation from someone else."

That made sense. "Do you think he'll want him to make a new wand for him?"

"Maybe but I don't think that's his main objective."

"When did you see this?" I turned sharply and saw a concerned looking Edward looking at harry.

"Nosy much?" I muttered but he made no acknowledgement of having heard me although I knew he heard me perfectly.

"In a dream," harry explained. "Were both positive that Voldemort is looking for him. His purpose is not all that clear though."

He turned to look at me. "Why didn't you tell me about this?"

_The less you know Edward the better._

"I don't know, there was so much going on yesterday that I forgot." And that was the truth. I had completely forgotten about that incident.

His frown disappeared and he offered me his hand. "May I have this dance?" His courteous tone made my heart smile and I eagerly followed him to the dance floor.

"So what exactly did you both see?" He whispered into my ear as arranged us into a slow dance in beat with the tempo of the song.

"It was just a dream, Edward; we were simply heading to a town where this man was supposedly at. Nothing more."

"What happened to harry's wand?"

"You haven't heard about that?"

He frowned and shook his head. "I only know your accounts on the matter."

So as we danced I began to explain to him everything that had happened to Harry on that day.

After I finished and he was silent to think about what I told him a sudden question popped into my mind.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"I know you guys were there when you all came up with the plan and everyone says that someone tipped of the death eaters about the day in which we would be moved. I have a hard time believing that anyone from the order would do such thing, but tell me, did you notice anything strange about any one when this plan came into mind?"

He shook his head without giving it a thought. "I'm positive nobody had such thoughts. They could have been blocking me, whoever betrayed you, but such a skill takes very long to develop I find it very unlikely that anyone would do that."

That was comforting to me. "Well it's not like it matters anymore, what's done is done and Harry and I made it here…alive."

He pursed his lips and nodded in a tense manner.

I leaned into him and rested my chin on his shoulder while my hand went to stroke the hair on the back of his head.

"It's alright love. It's in the past now." I whispered into his ear. "I love you."

He sighed and turned his head to catch my lips with his own just as the song ended.

"I love you too_, Mon Amour_"

We both laughed.

"I should teach you French sometime, I have a feeling that you would grasp it very fast."

I smiled and kissed both his cheeks. "Someday."

_Someday... if not never. _

We continued dancing, unaware of anyone in the world.

He rested his chin on my head as I lay mine on his chest.

"Alex?" I barely heard the whisper.

"Yes?"

"Do you really hate me?"

Where on earth would he get that from?

"What?"

"You said…when you left you said you cursed the day you met me"

That hadn't been the best thing to say.

"I don't hate you Edward. I could never hate you, but I can't help but think how things would have been so much easier if I'd never crossed paths with you."

Or at least for him, I have no idea how I would have survived the past two years without him.

"We can't always take the easy road you know. You have to work hard for something you want."

"Guess I'm a coward like that…how do you think it would have been if you'd never met me?"

"I can't imagine a life without you in it anymore…I would have probably returned with Bella, but I feel like I would have always felt like something was missing. I can't say for sure. But I can tell you this; I will never regret having met you."

I gave him a questioning look when he rolled his eyes. "Emmett loves to ruin the perfect moments."

As he said this I was whisked away by a different set of arms.

"You love me too don't you shrimp?"

"Oh Emmett, how dare you even ask such a thing?"

The night slowly settled upon us and by then I had danced so much that I had to take off the heels I'd been convinced to wear.

I was sitting on one of the small round tables talking to Alice and Rosalie when I saw Harry head towards a white haired old man that I recognized from a newspaper we had seen over the summer.

"Excuse me," I said standing up. "There's someone I have to meet."

I could feel their eyes follow me as I headed to the table where Elphias dodge and harry sat at. The man noticed my approach and it made Harry turn.

"Mr. Dodge," I greeted him and looked to Harry and nodded.

"Ah I would assume this to be Alexandra," I nodded and took a seat beside my brother to listen to what he had to say. That is until aunt Muriel barged in. and I had to say I did not like the woman very much I felt like slapping her every time she opened her mouth.

But I could not help but wonder whether what she said about Dumbledore was the truth or not. I could tell the woman was not to be trusted, especially if she read Rita Skeeter.

I could see the idea that was now implanted on harry's mind. An idea that he and I both shared, we both wanted to go to Godrics hollow, now more than ever. I smiled at Hermione when she popped out at our side.

"I just can't dance anymore," she slipped off her heels.

"Hmm join the club." I pointed to my own bare feet to which she laughed.

The night was almost over…and tomorrow I'd be leaving. I glanced longingly at Edward who I noticed had always been watching me. He smiled at me and I stood up and headed back to him and enjoy the little time we had left.

A silvery mist came down on the dance floor where everyone moved away and every guest turned their attention to the lynx that was forming. I looked at the patronus that was beginning to take shape and went into the crowd to get a better look.

"_The Ministry has fallen. Scrimgeour is dead. They are coming." _Kinsley's patronus spoke, leaving everyone at the wedding to process the information for half a second before the chaos began. It was hard to see clearly with so many people running and pushing me. But I clearly saw the masked figures that were beginning to apparate and the figures that were dissaparating.

This can't be happening!

"Harry!" I found myself shouting and pushing against the crowd of people. "Harry!"

I screamed when I felt a hand wrap around my arm and I looked into the silver mask of a death eater. His wand pointed to me, I pushed away the wand before he could think the words and kneed him in the middle. I took out my wand and pointed it at him.

"_Stupefy!" _

He fell and I looked behind him and found harry at a distance, I began run toward him Hermione and Ron.

Fear gripped me as I felt two strong hands grip my waist. I thrashed against the person and screamed. The last I heard from my brother was him screaming my name before I was engulfed by darkness and felt my whole body begin to compress.

Even then I thrashed and screamed.

When everything around me came back to shape the figure released me and I dropped to the cool grass.

"Melody?"

The fear I had felt evaporated now as I realized that this wasn't a death eater. But I felt the fury that was growing within me as I realized what had just happened.

My brother was most likely gone now and I had no idea where.

* * *

**Edward's P.O.V**

I knelt down to look at her as she lay on the grass with her heart sounding almost like a hum.

"Melody?"

Her breaths were heavy; her disguised body gave the slightest tremors. I reached to inspect her, frightened that my hold on her might have hurt her.

"Get away from me," she spat looking up at me through fierce blue eyes. "Don't touch me."

I drew back my hand. When I saw her running to harry I didn't think I simply took her a moment before Frankie dissaparated. Even if my thoughts had been coherent in that one second I would have done the same. Her sudden hostility was to be expected and I now had to brace myself for it.

An angry tear escaped her eye and she roughly wiped it off and sat on the ground.

"We shouldn't have left," Esme said.

Every one aside from me, who had other matters to think of, was rather alarmed at what had just taken place back with the Weasleys.

"No, believe me that it would have only been a problem. We can't have anyone even wonder what you are. It's too dangerous. I'm sure they've all ran to safety by now."

"We should leave," Carlisle placed a comforting hand on Esme's shoulder and kissed her cheek. "It seems to me like there's something Edward and Alex must discuss." Looking at Frankie he said, "if you receive any information from them we would be grateful if you informed us."

"I promise I will," he glanced at Alex and gently took her arm to try and help her up.

"Leave me," she pulled her arm away brusquely clenched her fists and placed them on either side of her head.

"Just leave her," I mumbled and spoke to my family. "I need to speak with her in private."

"I don't have anything to talk about with you," she hissed through clenched teeth. "I want you far away from me now!"

_Oh Edward you're in trouble now_ Emmett's taunts annoyed me.

I glanced at Frankie who only nodded.

_Good luck fixing this _he began to leave before Alex spoke.

"I have to go back Frankie," he stopped and looked back at her.

She was back to normal in a split second and I momentarily flinched upon looking at the reminder of what I had done to her face.

"Harry is gone by now Alex."

"Yes but we can't just leave the rest like that. What if one-"

"I'm sure they're safe by now Alex you'll only cause trouble by going back there."

"But what if-"

"Alex, Frankie is right."

She looked back to me sharply.

"Who was talking to you? As far as I'm concerned you have no business here. Fuck off!"

She could not have been any harsher although I suppose it was very well deserved. Still I would never find it in me to regret my actions.

She threw dirt at me before standing up. I took her arm, a reflex reaction, to keep her from dissaparating although holding her could not possibly deter her.

I watched as she pointed her wand directly under my cheek. Threats came from her eyes and attacked me.

"Let go of me. Have you not done enough damage to me?"

Her accusation moved through me like an electric shock. I released my hold on her and wished that the earth would simply swallow me and take me where I would pay for all the wrongs I'd committed.

"It's useless Alex. I took a lot of measures to protect this house a few months ago. You can't dissaparate. I suggest you stay here and avoid causing more trouble than there already is." Frankie winked at me discreetly.

_I don't think she'll be going anywhere alone. _

With that he went into the house and left us alone.

"This is your entire fault. You ruined everything."

"I told you-"

"I don't want to hear anything you have to say, Edward. I just want to rid myself of you."

She began to walk into the house. If we were in any other situation a situation in which I knew she would be safer without me I would have taken myself out of her life if that had been what she wished.

Unfortunately this was not the case.

"You'd have to kill me," my words made her stop but she did not look back.

"Believe me, there's other ways besides killing you."

Then, like Frankie, she disappeared through the front door, leaving me alone. Frankie was right, I was certain she would not try to leave tonight. She knew the Weasleys home wasn't safe and that they might not even be there anymore. She had nowhere to go.

There would be another time to talk, one where she would not be as angry. Even so I was reluctant to leave her.

* * *

Carlisle and I strolled through the woods alone that same night. Once I had gotten myself out of the dress robes Carlisle requested to have a talk with me.

_I'm not going to say that what you did was right, but neither was it wrong. _

"Son, I cannot say that I understand what you are going through, I've never experienced such a thing. And quite frankly I do not know how I would have reacted had I been in your place"

"Carlisle would you ever let seem go off and face such perils while you sit comfortably at your home, not knowing whether she is alive or not?"

"I see your point Edward, believe me I do. I would not like to go through that. But do you see her side?"

"How can she ask me not to protect her? You would do so too if it was the one you loved in danger."

"There's a difference between protecting someone and fighting their battles Edward. You want to fight her battles and I understand that she can't have that. She cares about you just as much as you do."

"I don't want to see her get hurt."

"Nobody wishes to see their mate get hurt, I'm sure she wouldn't want you to get hurt either. Unfortunately the pain that she will face is inevitable no matter how much you try to keep it from happening. You can't always change the future son."

"Then what do I do Carlisle? I don't know what to do anymore."

"Find a balance Edward. Help her and protect her, but let her fight her battles and protect you too. You both need to discuss the matter and reach a mutual agreement. One that will give balance to the both of you. It's the only way."

_I know you can do this Edward but first you must understand it._

Then he was gone leaving only a slight breeze behind.

Find a balance. Could I do that? With Bella I had always jumped in front of her to save her. I'd fought vampires for her safety, but those had been my battles and not hers. She had simply been dragged into my chaotic life. The situation was the exact same one I now found myself in except now I was the "victim" as per say. Unlike Bella, however, I was able to help, but I could not fight a fight that was rightfully hers. Almost everything had been ripped away by this demon that had vowed to take her life too and she and Harry had to be the ones to end it all. She had always been right, I could not protect her forever, and sooner or later she and harry would face them alone. She had to prepare for that and I was not allowing her. Instead I was shaping the future to have a tragic end.

With such an epiphany in mind I raced through the woods back to her house. At the speed I was going I almost flew, eager to have her hear me and that we could sort out this mess I had put us in.

I braced myself for more well deserved harsh words from hers. I would convince her that I now had it all right and then we'd embark in this long journey together, the way it is meant to be.

* * *

**Alex's P.O.V**

How could such a perfect day have gone so horribly wrong? I experienced a headache from all the worried thoughts going on in my mind. The violent anger that I struggled to maintain within me had long abandoned my body, only leaving irritation for Edward and remorse at what I had said to him. I had never been pleased of my inability to think before I spoke and more than once I came to regret that.

And I couldn't go anywhere. The burrow was most likely being observed. And I had no idea where Harry was. Because I was positive they were in some place unknown to me. They would never be stupid enough to go to a place where they knew death eaters might look for them.

_**Where are you?**_ I tensed at the sound of harry's voice in my mind, could he really be close enough to communicate to me?

_Where are _you?I replied hoping I wasn't already hallucinating.

_**Standing in front of a sign saying 'welcome to forks', hurry up we need to get going. **_

The beats of my heart gained speed with joy that my brother had indeed returned for me.

_I'll be there soon. _

In a second I was up and running around the room looking for any clothing I might have left behind last year. Once I had changed out of the dress robes I walked downstairs in search of Frankie. I found him sitting on a chair in the back porch looking into the woods with a butterbeer in hand.

I slowly walked behind him and placed my hand on his shoulder startling him for a moment. I could see the tension of his posture I could feel my own tension in my bones. It was everywhere, threatening to break us.

"You know where they went then?" he asked and took a drink from his mug.

"No, harry's waiting at the edge of town. He doesn't know where the house is."

Before we could say more a patronus began to form in front of us taking the shape of Mr. Weasleys weasel.

_Family safe, do not reply, we are being watched. _

Frankie let out a relieved sigh and lumped on the chair. I smiled to myself and thanked the heavens for keeping them safe.

_Harry they're safe the Weasleys are alright. _

_**Are you sure? How do you know?**_

_Mr. Weasley just sent a patronus, but they are being watched. _

_**Hurry up we have to meet up with Ron and Hermione. **_

I blinked and noticed Frankie looking at me.

"I have to go," I said quietly.

"And Edward?" I pursed my lips and looked down at the floor.

"I have no time to baby sit Edward or carry around with him. It's more stress than I need. He's better off here, safer."

"He deserves an explanation don't you think?"

"I have given him an explanation but he is just too stubborn to understand it. There's nothing else I can do but leave. Besides we don't always get what we deserve."

I deserved to grow up with my parents and have a happy childhood but I didn't and neither did Harry. Of course I would not be the person I am today if that had been the case. Did I like the person I was? I doubt it.

"Well Alex, you're an adult now. And no one can stop you from choosing your path." He stood up and embraced me. "Remember that you have a lot of people to come back to Alex. We're all going to wait for the four of you…be safe."

I didn't want to think that this might be the last time I ever saw him but it was inevitable.

"Walk just a few feet into the forest woods and you'll be able to dissaparate alright"

I nodded. "Thank you Frankie…for everything. I don't think I would have made it through if you hadn't offered to take me in."

"He'll be waiting for you too Alex, forever!" he called as I began descending the porch steps.

"I really hope that's not true. It wouldn't be good for his sanity."

And with the way things were going I doubted he'd be able to keep his mind for too long.

I did as he said and once I was a good distance away from the house I dissaparated. It was short and in a couple of seconds I was at the edge of the forest looking out to the dark and lonely highway.

"Hey" I turned my head and saw harry leaning against the forks welcoming sign. I rushed to him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Thank you, for not leaving me," I mumbled.

"Of course I wasn't going to leave you I need you with me. You and me, Alex, were in this together."

I smiled and nodded, "We should leave."

"Alex?"

My heart beat like it had run a mile and a shiver ran down my spine that had nothing to do with the cold that the rain had left behind.

Is this man stalking me? Yes he is, and right now he's making my life impossible. I suddenly felt ashamed at the way in which I was handling things. How could I have actually thought of leaving him alone to drown in torture when I knew it didn't have to be that way? When I knew I could keep it from being that way.

I turned but didn't look into his eyes. It wasn't what he wanted; he came to me and took my face in between his hands and forced me to look into his glistening eyes.

"You can't leave me like this," I blinked repeatedly, trying to keep the tears at bay.

_Can you wait harry?_

_**Just don't take too long or Hermione will go mental. **_

Edward didn't miss a second, he quickly but with great gentleness cradled me in his arms and ran deep into the forest. Less than five minutes passed and then he stopped. The sudden end to the cold air made my face grow warm, almost numb. He lowered me to the cool grass and I recognized where we were, though it looked much more different at night. The black creek was only illuminated by the feeble moonlight that managed to penetrate the trees of the forest; creating a rather haunting atmosphere. The sky threatened to shower us with its tears.

"Is your heart really so stone cold that it would permit you to leave me here to suffer for your departure?" His smooth whisper and harsh expression made a small tremor run through my spine. He wouldn't consciously hurt me but his terrible expression was enough to scare me. And his cold words stabbed my body.

"I-I" I swallowed and looked away from his hypnotizing gaze in hopes that I'd be able to form some sort f a response. " I-"

I gasped when I felt his hand grab me by the jaw and roughly, but amazingly gently for him, pull my face back to look at his. "If you had begged as much as I begged," He hissed, "and I had seen in your eyes the same torment I know you saw within my own I would not have been capable of breaking you like that."

"I wish my heart really was that cold, and then maybe I would be in so much pain right now." I tried to shove him aside but he did not budge.

"If you were in as much pain as you claim to be in you wouldn't be trying to leave."

"You left her," he looked confused for a moment and then seemed to understand what I was referring to. "You once told me it was one of the hardest and most painful things you've ever had to do. But you still got up and left. Do you think I can't do the same? Especially if I know this is the best for the both of us?"

"HOW IS THIS THE BEST FOR ME ALEXANDRA!" He was standing up now. I jumped when his fist easily damaged a tree nearby. "You're going to leave me here to simply sit and wait to hear news of your death. Tell me how is this of any good to me? Wondering everyday whether you have lived to see another day. How can you leave me to wonder whether you still roam the same earth onto which I have been eternally damned to live in or whether you are somewhere far from my reach?"

"Tell me is that worse than watching me die, should that moment come?"

"YES IT IS! At least if I was there to witness it then I would know it was time for me to move on from this place. If I stay I'm always going to be in doubt Alex, just drowning in endless torture. It would be worse than knowing you're dead because at least if you were dead I'd know you are away from any more danger and that you're no longer suffering."

He allowed his body to fall back to the grass as the first drops of water fell upon our skin.

_**Alex let's not make Hermione wait any longer she was nervous enough. **_

_Alright _

Edwards's body tensed as he heard and looked at me. Painstakingly slow he stood up and approached me, when he gently took my face into his hands I thought he was going to kiss me. His lips were inches from mine, his breath fanned across my face making me want to reach his lips with my own but his hands would not allow me.

"It's all going to be fine," he breathed, the exquisiteness of his breath almost made my resolve crumble. "It will all be fine if were together," I felt one of his hands leave my cheek and rest under my heart which must have sounded like a hum to him from the speed it was going at. I clenched my teeth together to keep from spilling any tears it wasn't the time to be weak. "What is this telling you melody?"

_It's not the heart I should be listening to. It's my mind. And it's telling me not to risk your life! Not to risk my own…_

"Its telling me…I-its saying that…that I-it's all going to be fine if I let you go."

_And it will be fine at least for him…_

And so I began to let him go by digging deep into his memories. Every memory where my image was engraved I slowly reduced it to mist and then to nothing. one by one, a hundred memories per second. He realized it, and tried to struggle. But he wasn't in the position to move away, I had the upper hand now. The past two years of his life passed before both of our eyes and then disappeared.

"Shh," I tried to soothe him. "I'm letting you go Edward," I spoke to him as I worked and he was kept in a trance. It kept my mind away from the ache my body was in. "Maybe we still don't understand each other, maybe I'm the one that has yet to understand." His hand fell from my face and to his lap where they remained limp. "But has the heart ever needed a reason? The heart never thinks Edward which is why you can't ever trust it."

He grunted as if he wanted to say something. "Please don't say anything else, it worsens the pain."

_Somewhere back in time Edward held my thrashing body seeming as if he shared the agonizing pain but unlike me he was completely paralyzed. _

My concentration went off balance and I struggled to maintain it. I was vaguely aware of the warm liquid evacuating my nose. Edward's senses were shut down; he wouldn't notice a thing.

_The memory of an angry me kicking and punching a tree slowly dimmed and disappeared. _

"It was meant to be this way all along. I don't think we were meant to be forever. Whatever my purpose was for entering your life I must have completed it." I kissed his wet hair and suppressed the shiver the cold of the rain gave me. "Maybe I needed you to get through all this time without cedric, to keep me alive until the time in which I would finally be able to go in search of vengeance. Maybe you needed me to keep you alive a little bit longer until Bella returned. But either way I'm going to make sure you walk away unharmed."

_Edward and sat at a lunch table in the cafeteria as he unsuccessfully tried to have a conversation with me. _

"I've been protected and taken care of for so long, now it's my turn Edward."

_"I didn't know the new girl was coming today," Alice's casual voice played in my head, the image was already gone, just the voices that had yet to fade. _

_"So you knew someone would be arriving?" Edwards's monotonous voice slowly died and I ceased to exist to him. _

"It's all going to be alright my angel," by now he could not hear a thing. He stared off into space as I kissed the corner of his mouth a trickle of blood got on him and I quickly cleaned it away although it would not get rid of the scent he would surely smell in a few seconds. My body trembled from the strain my mind had just been released of and I felt blood in my mouth coming from my gums. I took a few steps away to look at him from the distance. This could be the last time I'd ever see him again.

"It's going to be fine," I tried to assure myself.

I would not cry, there was no reason to cry, he wasn't dead and he would be happier.

In the moment I began to dissaparate he blinked and looked at me puzzled, he looked at me as if I were a stranger for just one second before I disappeared.

With absolutely nothing to return to.


	33. always on my mind

**Alex's P.O.V**

"Are you mental harry?" In this moment I couldn't understand the way in which his mind seemed to be working, "Grimmauld place? Do you have a death wish?"

"Shh come in and i'll explain."

I really didn't think there was an explanation for something like this. Still, I followed him through the front door and into the dimly lit hallway. After a few steps further inside a horrible voice spoke and a tall figure materialized from what seemed to be dust. I let out a bloodcurling scream as albus dumbledore spoke to us believing we were snape. Just as he spoke the figure came closer to us. I held on tight to harry as I screamed and looked away.

"I didn't kill you!" he said in a panicked voice. And then the voice stopped speaking. After realizing he was gone I slid to the floor attempting to still my tremors.

"What's going on?"I whispered when harry kneeled in front of me.

"It's for security, I suppose, mad eye must have done this to keep snape out of here."

"That was horrible," I tried to quiet down my erratic heartbeats.

"Are you okay?"

"No." I covered my face with my hands to stop the oncoming headache.

"Come on." He helped me up and I leaned on him suddenly feeling weak at my knees. When we entered the drawing room I found Ron and hermione sitting on a couch looking at me sympathetically.

"It scared us too." Ron offered.

"Always knew there was something wrong with that man. Who in their right mind would do something as horrible like that?" I threw myself onto the couch and rubbed my head.

Hermione moved from the opposite couch to sit next to me.

"What happened to your nose? You're bleeding." on instinct I raised my hand to it and realized that I still had dried blood there.

"Too much mind was involved to get Edward to back off, it's nothing."

She nodded but looked at me in slight disapproval.

"Before you begin to tell me that it was wrong for me to do something like that remember that you also erased your own parent's minds."

"I know that," she snapped, I wasn't going to say that, I simply think you shouldn't take risks like that what if something had gone wrong?"

"But nothing went wrong. As far as I am concerned that's all that-"

A cry of pain came from harry as he and I simultaneously felt a stabbing pain on our foreheads and experienced a wave of fury that did not belong to the either of us. Just as the angry feeling came, though, it left, only the pain that was centered on my scar remained and made it hard for me to concentrate on what the others were saying. Though I was aware that harry was explaining to them what had happened.

"Did you guys hear?" I said after a while. They all looked at me rather oddly. I rubbed my scar as if the pain would go away by doing so. "Your family Ron, their safe."

"How do you know?" he said sounding unsure of my words.

"Your dad sent a patronus, they're being watched though." Some of the color that he had lacked seemed to return to him as his body slightly shook. Hermione reached to touch his arm in a comforting manner.

"They're safe," was all he could whisper with a small smile.

The pain was becoming worse and I wanted nothing more than to scream out in hopes that would relieve some of the pain. Then I felt someone roughly pull me up by the hand and lead me away.

"I need to speak with you," Harry mumbled but I could sense that he wanted nothing more than for us to be away from Hermione and Ron for what was coming. I stumbled behind him until he threw me into the bathroom and closed the door and locked it. Then he slid to the floor to join me as the pain and anger let itself loose. I was vaguely aware of digging my nails into my head but there was a greater pain that was numbing the one I was self inflicting.

An anger that was not mine possessed me it buried itself deep into me and made loose reason. I was not in control of myself as my voice, cold and cruel, spoke to a death eater.

_They've escaped, again. The potters have escaped!_

Such anger felt like it would surely kill me and just as I reached the peak I gasped as if I'd been drowning and opened my heavy eyelids. Someone pulled me into a sitting position and pushed me behind the door.

"She's fine," Harry told either Ron or Hermione. His voice strained to sound controlled. "Just shaken by all of tonight's events."

I remained quiet and felt behind my head where and ugly bump was growing. I must have fallen and hit my head. There was the sound of the faucet opening and falling water splashing on the sink before I felt a wet cloth on my face

"Did you see him?" I mumbled.

"I saw him," he said through a trembling voice.

Somewhere miles from here Draco Malfoy was petrified of standing before his master and being used to inflict pain upon a fellow death eater. The wet rag felt soothing on my burning skin and I realized he was cleaning away the blood that had now dried underneath my nose. He began to draw away his hand when I reached out and took the rag from him and pressed it to my forehead.

"How are you feeling?" he whispered.

"No better than you are," I responded in an equally low voice.

After a moment of silence he said. "We're sleeping in the drawing room tonight."

"Alright," I didn't need to look into his eyes to understand what was going on inside the head. We were experiencing the same worry, the same fear, the same uncertainty.

I reached behind me to rub my neck and winced at the ache I felt when I pressed my hand to it. All the stress was evident in my body and I wanted nothing more than to sleep. I would not be troubled by nightmares tonight, I was sure of that.

Sometime during the night I remember waking up to find a fully awake Harry.

"Cant sleep?" I whispered. I was quite surprised he was able to hear despite Ron's loud snores.

"I just woke up," he said. "And you?"

"I don't know why I woke up. I wasn't even dreaming. Just lonely I think."

And then he opened his sleeping bag to allow me in next to him. I was reminded of all those times we'd slept cramped into that small cupboard under the stairs of the Dursleys house. Of course they had the decency to allow me to sleep in the living room floor once they realized that it just wasn't possible for the both of us. No matter how small I was. Oh but that mean I always had to be awake before them, they would not stand to awake and find me lying on the living room floor.

I understood that now we were both on the same level, both experiencing the same things. It's like even in our silence we understood each other better than a few years ago.

"I missed this," He mumbled. "It almost feels like were eleven again."

"Sometimes I wish we were," I confessed.

"I know."

We stayed silent afterwards and neither one of us noticed when the other one fell asleep.

**Edward's P.O.V**

"What is the last thing you are able to recall Edward?" Carlisle had always made sure to put a calm facade for the family when there was something gone wrong. He felt it was his job as the head of this family but every time I could always detect the worry he experienced inside. Now as I explained to him my inability to remember he seemed perfectly calm, like it was something he had been expecting. Yet I could not find the reason inside his thoughts. He knew something I didn't and he wasn't telling me. I was angered by this; after all I had every right to know what was occurring.

I swallowed back the impatience and responded truthfully. The last I was able to recall was rising from my bed to leave for another monotonous day of school. Yet I knew that when I came back to my senses tonight everything had changed. I could feel it I knew that that scene had happened days ago if not more. I could remember how I had felt that morning and it was a very different feeling to how I was feeling right now. I felt no loss, no misery, no pain. But rather confusion. Every horrible feeling that had possessed me in the last century had been completely wiped out as if it had not happened and it was all replaced with utter confusion.

"How many days has it been Carlisle?" I needed to know what was going on and I needed to know what was happening to me.

He sat on a rock next to the creek where I had found myself a couple of minutes ago. When I'd realized that something was wrong I called Carlisle. He was the only one I wanted to talk to right now; he was the most probable person to know what was happening to me. I remained upright and looked at him expectantly.

"Son…" _it's been a little bit over two years. _

I know a vampires mind is more highly advanced than a humans…but I could not understand what he had just thought. The idea of a vampire being unable to remember the past two years of his life was a concept I could not wrap my mind around. Had my grief been powerful enough to make me devoid of any memory from the past two years? Had I shut myself for two long years and overcome all the negative feelings I had been plagued with?

**Alice's P.O.V**

I never thought Alex would be capable of doing something like that to him. She had no right to tamper with his memories.

"He can't remember anything from the past two years?" Emmett repeated.

"Nothing, he can't remember anything that has happened since Alex arrived here. Carlisle's not going to tell him, he's already decided it. He wants to talk to us."

Esme was quiet throughout this whole discussion just looking out the window thoughtfully.

"What is it Esme?" I said walking up behind her.

"I know it was wrong," she said so low that a human wouldn't have heard a thing. "But I see that she meant no harm. She was trying to make this wait easier for him. Maybe it's better this way."

I hadn't thought about that but now that she put it that way…

Her departure would slowly tear him apart; it'd be like losing him all over again. And eventually he could give up on waiting. He could end all his pain and leave us. We'd already seen how Edwards's presence affected our family and if he was to leave…it could break us apart. Already it felt torn with Alex gone.

"What if something happens to her?" Emmett brought up. "Are we going to let him live in a lie forever if she dies?"

Rosalie glared at her husband and he wrapped his arms around her. "Anything can happen babe."

"Don't say that," she hissed. "Nothing's going to happen to her."

"We can't think about that now," Jasper said from the sofa. "She's smart and strong, we have to believe in her and that they're all going to make it."

The calm that emanated from him made our worries of Alex cease. He was right she was smart and despite Edward's thoughts, I knew she could take care of herself. I was worried, but I was proud of the girl I had come to see as a sister.

"They're coming; I suggest you try not to think of Alex. Or of what she did to him. At least not until we've discussed this with Carlisle." I noticed Bella who had been sitting on the last step of the staircase. I smiled towards her. "Think you could give us a hand?"

"Of course," she said through a small smile.

"He probably won't remember you're alive Bella"

"I know…maybe this time it will be a happier greeting than it was last time." Of course, I can remember too well her stubbornness as a human, and now as a vampire that trait of hers was only enhanced. She would take any chance she could at getting to Edward. I couldn't decide whether this was the best.

Just then the door opened and in came Carlisle and a disturbed looking Edward. He looked at each and every one of us in question trying to get answers but I'm sure he found nothing.

"I'm sure you must all be aware of the situ-"

"Who are you?" everyone's attention veered from Carlisle to Edward who seemed afraid.

"Who do you think Edward?" Bella responded as she stood up. Maybe this _was_ a good idea…but what about Alex? Was it right that while she was away trying to keep Edward and everyone else safe Edward's here enjoying himself with Bella?

"She's dead," I don't think he was talking to any of us.

"You could say that," Bella took a step towards him and he took one back. He looked at her as if she was something evil, a monster that was out to get him. "But I'm still here."

"Edward relax," Carlisle rested his hands on Edwards's shoulders. "I think you two have a lot to talk about."

"You can't be here," he sounded out of breath if he were human he would be hyperventilating. "I saw you…y-you died, in my arms."

"Come with me," she extended her hand to him. "I'll explain everything."

He looked unsure and his eyes turned to me asking if it really was safe, if it really was Bella and he was not in some sort of hallucination. I nodded in assurance, Bella seemed to catch the movement and she began to walk out the door before turning to look back at him.

"You coming?" her voice was soft as she addressed him. He looked at her and then turned to us.

"What's going on? Who is she?" I offered a sympathetic smile at Edward.

"Go with _Bella_ she'll explain everything," Esme said walking towards Edward and hugging him. "Everything's going to be all right," at least for him it would be. He probably sensed some hidden meaning in her words which explained his questioning look. "Go," Esme said. He seemed uncertain but he followed after Bella.

Once we were sure that they were out of hearing range we began to discuss the matter at hand.

"You think that Edward shouldn't know anything about Alex?" I couldn't hide the sadness from my voice. He loved her, he truly did and now he wouldn't even remember her name. She may have preferred it this way but it was not fair, to either of them.

"But it's not right!" Rosalie responded angrily. "Are you really going to force him into a relationship with Bella? He has a right to know about Alex he loves her not Bella!"

"How do you explain to him that the girl whom he suffered for the past century isn't his mate rose?" Jasper wasn't looking at any of us but rather looking at the muted TV. "I can assure you he's going to feel love for Bella especially now that he doesn't remember anything about Alex. As far as I know he believes that there's no other person for him other than Bella. If we tell him that his real mate is a witch and she's out there dancing with death and he doesn't remember because she erased his mind...how do you think he's going to take it?"

"You can't say he won't believe us," Rosalie fired back "he's going to see in our minds that were not lying to him."

"Babe I think they're right," Emmett said, "imagine what it's going to be like for him. He's going to be confused and frustrated that there's someone out there whom he supposedly loves but he can't remember her. Imagine how that's going to make him feel."

"We can take Edward to Frankie, maybe he can-"

"what good is that going to be Rosalie," I said cutting her off, "that's only going to make him insane not knowing in what condition she is whether she's alive or not. This is why she did this so he would not worry. But this may be for the bes.t"

She looked at me as if I'd grown a third head. "You're going to agree to this? You're going to let your favorite brother live in a lie? He deserves to know!"

"He deserves to be happy! And obviously Alex doesn't want to do that for him!"

"Don't you blame her for this!"

"Well who should I blame it on? She's the reason Edward can't remember a thing!"

"Stop!" Carlisle's voice rang full of authority. Our bantering quickly died down. "Now I don't agree with what Alex did but this is strictly between them. Now I think we should respect her wishes and keep Edward away from the truth for his own sake. There is no point to burden him with this knowledge."

"And what about when he finds out?" Rosalie said trying to her hardest to control her voice. "He'll hate all of us for keeping this from him."

"Babe just drop it," Emmett murmured.

"What about Alex?" Rosalie was not the one to break down, so we were surprised when we heard her voice break. "She's one of us too. More than Bella will ever be because the truth is that Alex is it for Edward. And she's out there risking her life for her world and for us. What happens to her? We just turn our backs on her when this is over?"

"We would never do that," Esme whispered. "We'll happily take her in if she wishes to return, but she's is an adult, rose. What her future is going to be is entirely up to her." Esme walked to her and embraced her; surprisingly rose returned the embrace and sobbed once. "She decides what's going to happen to her. It might hurt us but there's nothing we can do, she's faraway now."

"She's just a child," Rosalie whispered.

Esme half smiled in sadness. "Yes it does seem that way doesn't it? But she has shown us again and again that she isn't. You know her and you know that she and harry have both had to grow up faster than any other of their age. They deserve to have our support and trust….as for her relationship between her and Edward, that's something we cannot meddle in. It is up to her whether she wishes to make a life with him."

Rosalie was gone in a second. Emmett sighed and looked at us.

"It's all going to work out…" he said sure of himself. "All this drama is getting to me though."

There was the instant sound of the opening of drawers, rustling of clothes, and the sound of zippers coming from upstairs.

He shook his head and walked upstairs to go and talk Rosalie out of leaving. Luckily he would be successful. Now wasn't the time for this family to separate not even for a month.

"We just have to see where the future is going to take us." I said and sat next to jasper he immediately wrapped his arm around my waist and I curled into his embrace. Our relationship was so easy, so unlike Edward and Alex. We were lucky, we truly were. It was another reason to never take for granted what I had with him. Because there were others who had to fight many obstacles to be together, even then sometimes they didn't succeed. I didn't know where I stood. I loved Bella and Alex so much. It wasn't my place for me to take sides.

"Yes," Carlisle said. "The future does have ways of surprising even you Alice."

I nodded and then Esme and Carlisle went into their room.

The day had begun so perfectly and now it was all a disaster.

I simply didn't know what to expect from the future anymore.

But I did know that Edward and Bella would not arrive until tomorrow at noon.

**Alex's P.O.V**

Kreacher had just left with our orders to bring back Mundungus, a task to which he complied to extremely well. I briefly wondered if Mundungus would still be alive when he was brought over.

I shook my head and remembered what I had to do. Hermione was talking to Ron when I gently placed my hand on hers to get her attention. She looked in surprise and smiled at me.

"I need your help," I admitted to her.

During the night I had realized that there was no reason to erasing Edwards's memory if the Cullen's were there to explain to him everything.

"What is it?"

"I need to return to the Cullen's and keep them from telling Edward about me, I just hope they haven't done so already. The thing is, I can't do the spell and I don't think I could attempt to do it on my own again."

"What's the plan? Sneaking up on them will be much more difficult."

"I know which is why I'm going to make sure to immobilize them and then you just do what you have to do."

"You really think you can immobilize eight vampires? They'll hear us coming."

"We'll help," Harry said and Ron nodded.

"You guys still can't do anything without saying it out loud though"

"What's the point? Edward will hear it whether verbally or mentally."

"Dont worry Hermione and I can handle it."

"Yeah… are we doing this right now?"

After explaining the plan to her we apparated, with the invisibility cloak hiding us, close to the Cullen home.

We didn't talk, I'm sure they could already hear us anyway; however they didn't know who we were or what we were going to do.

I nudged Hermione when I saw rose and Alice come out of the house looking at a spot close to where we were. Hermione and I quietly poked our wands out of the cloak, the jinx chanted in my mind and a red spark shot out and hit Alice at the same time Hermione's jinx hit rose. They both fell to the ground.

Surely the others would follow out once they heard the fall.

Sure enough out came Esme and Emmett. They quickly kneeled and took the girls in their arms I couldn't hear what they were saying but suddenly they looked directly at the spot we were standing on. I felt horrible as I shot a jinx and Esme fell to the floor. None of them deserved to be robbed of their memories no matter how unhappy some could be. But I had to do it. It would keep all of them safe.

Hermione gripped my hand and instantly I felt the immediate constriction of my lungs as they were robbed of air. As soon as the feeling came it was gone and she and I were standing on the other side of the forest. Carlisle and jasper stood just where we had been seconds ago.

In the moment they turned to locate our position Hermione and I aimed and they fell to the ground.

We quickly uncovered ourselves and went to move them inside.

"Wait, where's Edward and Bella?" she said stopping on her tracks.

"Check the house," I said as I began to raise Carlisle's body with my wand pointed at him.

"They're not here."

"Okay then hurry before they get back."

She began with Emmett and I observed for a while before I turned to look at the house I hadn't been in for so many months. Of course nothing had changed everything was just as I had last seen it. Unconsciously I moved to the piano and stroked the ivory keys softly.

"Alex," I jumped at the sound of Hermione's voice and looked towards her with wide alarmed eyes.

"It's going to take longer than I expected," she said without taking her eyes off of Emmett.

"Wha-why?"

"Have you ever seen how complex their minds are? Tampering with their minds will take much longer than with my parents. Even with my mom and dad it took me a long time."

"But can you do it?"

"Certainly" she said sounding slightly insulted. "But it won't be a clean job. I can completely wipe off all memories from the past two years like you did with Edward, but they will notice that they can't remember. Adding false memories like I did with my parents can't work, with my parents I just had to change a couple of years with them I'd be doing centuries. If I add in false memories from the past two years they won't make any sense to them. It will be a bigger mess."

"Well…then just do the easiest." I turned away thinking of some way to help them when they awoke. They'd have to move, I'd prefer it if they did. A letter, no it would not keep them from investigating what had happened to them.

"We need to get Edward and Bella too," I commented as I walked around and looked out the window.

"Do you…think they're still here?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…maybe they left the family-"

"For some time of their own?" I asked but she did not respond. She was right though…Edward and Bella could have left to restart their relationship as husband and wife. It hurt, I can't deny that, but at least he was getting the peace and happiness he deserved. I tried not to think about that possibility.

"Maybe," I said although now I was talking more to myself than her. "But if they come around in the time that we are here then we ought to-"

I didn't have time to scream as I felt a horrible pull on my arm. Before I was aware of what was happening I had my right arm pressed to my back and someone's arm pressing on my throat.

"Edward wait!" I was disoriented but I recognized Bella's warning voice. "Don't kill her!"

I felt soft skin running by my neck and heard the loud yet inhalation from Edward, at the same time I felt ice cold fingers dig on the back of my neck.

Just as I began to see spots from lack of oxygen I heard Hermione's distant voice and Edwards hold slid off a loud thud was heard as he hit the floor. Edward lay behind me, completely unconscious.

"Wait!" I turned and saw Hermione pointing defensively at Bella. "I won't do anything!"

"Wait Hermione," I found it hard to raise my voice as I was trying to regain my breath. Bella walked past me and held Edward in her arms. Upon feeling the familiar licks of jealousy I looked away. "Are you going to do to them what you did to Edward?" she asked.

Instead of answering I looked at Hermione and nodded for her to continue. She nodded in understanding and looked at Bella uncertainly, I do believe this was the first time she'd ever met Bella.

"It's for the best don't you think?" I spoke as I walked to the piano bench and sat down while rubbing my face.

"This family has suffered enough." She agreed.

"I'm sorry Bella but I'm going to…remodify, you could say, Edwards mind again."

"Not all of it right? I really don't want to have to explain myself to him all over again. Can't you just erase what has happened today?"

I pursed my lips but nodded.

"How's it going Hermione?" I looked over and saw that she was still working on Emmett. This was going to be a long afternoon.

"I'm doing my best." she explained. "But I really can't rush this."

"Don't worry take your time."

I looked down at the floor while cracking my fingers. I really did not know what to say to Bella. I don't think I even wanted to say something to her.

"I have one thing to ask," she suddenly said.

"You have Edward and your family back. What more could you want?" I nearly spat at her.

"I don't want to forget," I looked at her in question and she smiled tentatively. "You're a good girl Alex. And you have brought more happiness into this family than grief. They love you and it only feels right to carry your memory. I feel as if by me remembering who you are they won't be too far away from you. I don't want to forget you."

"You can't tell them about me."

"It's not in my best interest to do so."

"Fine."

And so Bella and I waited for Hermione to who was in deep concentration to finish. Every now and then one of them would move and I had to keep them down.

"Is there any way in which I can help Hermione?" I said after the third hour had passed. Now she worked on Carlisle she only had Esme, Alice, and Edward to go.

"You're doing fine like this…actually. Can you help me with Edward? It's not that much to do-"

"Say no more" I walked to where Bella sat with Edwards head on her lap. She looked at me and I felt the side of my lip twitch.

"I find it easier to work when there is physical contact involved" I explained to her as I took Edwards warm hand into mines.

I blinked a few times when I finished and looked around to find the room spinning.

"Are you alright?" I heard her ask and Hermione turned to look at me in concern.

"Fine" I mumbled. "Just dizzy."

Hermione helped me to my seat and once I was sitting down a glass full of water was handed to me.

"Thanks," I said quietly and Bella just nodded.

"I'm almost done Alex," Hermione assured me.

"It's alright," in reality, as I said this all I wanted was to get as far away from here as possible.

One hour later and Hermione was all done.

"We should leave before they awake," Hermione said as she put her wand back inside her robes. I took a deep breath and looked at Bella.

"Guess this is it." I stuck my hands into my jean pockets and chewed on my bottom lip. I didn't expect her to hug me the way she did. I wish I could have returned the hug, it would have been the polite thing to do but I could not find it in me to do so.

"I know we might not be the best of…acquaintances, but know that I will be thinking of you and I don't want anything bad to happen to you. Despite what has taken place I understand and accept that while he may not know it you are still a part of Edward. I hope you succeed in whatever you do Alex…and…have a good life."

I nodded and vaguely wondered where my tears were. "You too."

I felt Hermione's hand wrap around mine securely.

"And Alex?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry."

I felt as Hermione covered us with the cloak as I reassured Bella. As soon as my words left my mouth we were gone.

**One month later: august **

**Third person P.O.V**

"Something's wrong with him Alice." Bella sat down on the snow just as Alice finished getting rid of the carcass of her meal.

"Of course something's wrong with him Bella. Just like there's something wrong with all of us since you came back."

When the Cullen's had awoken a month ago a lot had changed. Nothing was as they remembered it two years ago and they found themselves being nervous. This could after all be considered an attack of a vampire of some sort. There had to be a reason for their lack of remembrance right?

But all they found regarding this situation had been a note, written in writing too messy to belong to a vampire, all it said was the year they were in and to move away from forks as quickly as possible.

Hesitant as they all were they did not ignore the author of the note for it was obviously time to start fresh. Yet the whole month all of them had been on guard, not knowing whether the person that did this to them would show up again.

Upon reading and detecting the smell of the human they searched through the town for that same smell. The only place where they were able to detect it had been in a small location right next to the forest but the trail disappeared there. As if the person itself had simply disappeared there in that very spot. No matter how much they looked they found nothing.

"It's something else Alice," Bella insisted. "He just…at one moment he'll be caring and loving and then the next moment he just apologizes and pushes me away."

"He's confused Bella, we all are. And then it must be even more confusing since you arrived right after we lose all memory from the past few years."

"Are you saying he's suspicious of me?"

"I really don't know. I don't think so or Jasper would have felt it and told me. Just give him time he'll come around."

**Edwards P.O.V**

I knew that smell, there was a familiarity in it, it didn't matter how much it scorched me there came an inexplicable sense of comfort I felt from the unbelievably sweet aroma. Three times I had felt the smell, when I reawakened in the middle of the forest, when my whole family was seemingly attacked the scent permeated through the entire house, along with that scent of another human. We searched all of forks for that smell and the only place we found it was in a small lot of land next to the forest.

No one found it familiar in any way, but they were highly interested in the fact that I seemingly had another singer. It was possible to have more than one after all; Emmett was perfect proof of that. But did this mean that whoever was behind this was a human? This was something none of us could believe. A vampire must have been involved in this, Jaspers theory of a vampire with very potent gift being behind all of this was the only conclusion we could gather.

And then there was the sudden appearance of Bella, it seemed too much of a coincidence that she would appear at the most chaotic moment of all of our lives. I found myself being weary of my own wife, for after some time I became convinced that she really was here and alive. (figuratively speaking of course)

But something was off, if I would have been told a couple of years back that my Bella lived as one of my own kind and I had seen her with my very own perfect eyesight…everything that had occurred for the last century all of it would have been completely wiped off. I would have been reborn and would have started fresh with no memory of those dark years.

All of that would have happened if she had appeared before me years back, I am utterly sure of that. So then what had changed now? I couldn't find it in me to be happy enough about her return to me. That is not to say I felt no happiness at all for her appearance. But something wasn't the same, my feelings weren't the same; though I could not pin point what my feelings were either. Everything about my life seemed to confuse me since I awakened.

For the millionth time I gazed down upon the note written by the one who was behind all of the mystery.

_It's time to leave forks…I'm sorry for this but it's the best for everyone._

I did not recognize the nearly illegible hand writing yet I could not deny that there was familiarity within the words. The note had not been signed but the scent penetrated within the paper was awfully familiar… but where did I consciously encounter such an aroma?

Warm arms wrapped around my neck startling me for a moment. Then a silky voice spoke smoothly into my ear. "Hey"

I turned to meet my mouth with her own lips and hoped, like always, that I would once more experience that feeling that ran through me like a wave when she was a human. My hopes as always were futile, I felt nothing as her lips brushed against mines.

"Thinking about that again?" I saw her nod over to the note resting on the desk. Her distaste was clearly displayed across her porcelain features.

"I assume you have noticed it is not only I who seems to be thinking of this problem." This was a constant thought amongst the Cullen family.

"Why can't you accept the fact that it could have been the volturi?" she moved to sit on the desk.

"Why the Volturi just erase two years worth of memories? If they had some sort of problem with us they would have simply killed us"

"But Carlisle is their friend; they wouldn't kill him or his family."

"The volturi don't have friend's Bella, and if Carlisle posed some kind of threat to them they would get rid of him and all of us without a second thought."

I glanced at her as she looked at the note with a deep frown.

"The rest knew what happened to me," this is what irked me the most. Whoever it had been had obviously wiped my mind before the rest. Because I still remembered seeing them on the night of Bella's arrival. I remember sensing that they knew the reason behind my inability to remember. Whoever made me forget obviously returned for them the next day.

"Well whatever it is they knew it's gone now."

"Where were you when I was attacked along with the others?" The question had been swimming around in my mind for the entire month. Yet I could never bring myself to ask her about it for fear that I might sound too accusing. So I failed to understand why I had spoken now.

She looked at me for a long time; her silence was almost like hearing her thoughts. She thought I was accusing her. In fact, I had the slight suspicion that she had been having these thoughts for some time now.

"I was hunting Edward," her voice was low and hurt. "I know I arrived at the worst of times…but I would never do such a thing to you or our family."

"And where was I? I find it highly unlikely I would leave you alone to hunt when I have just been reunited with you after a century."

"Yes it is unlike you…then again you have been rather unlike yourself since I returned." She smoothly slid off the desk and began to walk away when I took her hand to stop her. In the swiftest of motions I was up and leaning over to place a gentle kiss upon her lips. I expected to feel that excitement that had always accompanied me when I would kiss her. But there was nothing. There had been nothing since the day she returned. There was happiness, of course, but not what I expected.

She must have sensed my wandering mind for she gave me a knowing look before she walked out without a single word. Feeling utterly miserable and confused I trained my thoughts on the owner of that note…

**Alex's p.o.v**

"For the millionth time Alex everything is ready for tomorrow!" to say Hermione was exasperated was an understatement. She wasn't to blame, she was just as nervous at what we were about to do as the rest of us. For all of our sakes I tried to keep my mouth shut and keep my thoughts to myself.

"Just calm down," she said in a calmer manner. "We've gone over the plan a million times there's nothing more to do." She gently rubbed my back and I tried to discreetly move away. "All there's left is to hope that nothing goes wrong tomorrow"

But there was so much that could possibly go wrong…

**Edwards P.O.V**

"Not in the mood to hunt are we?" I looked up from the remains of the mountain lion that was in my stone grasp to Emmett who was casually leaning against a tree. Even after more than two centuries Emmett still hadn't learned how to feed properly.

"Is that what it looks like?" I questioned as I disposed of the carcass. I had to admit that he was right. I wasn't concentrated in the hunting. While I had been thinking of red liquid it had not been the lions blood of which I thought. A far off memory seemed to struggle to come back to me. The memory of blood much sweeter than anything that had ever run through my aching throat. It was impossible to recall the scenario or even the feeling and taste, but I was sure that it was an unearthly taste.

"Do you know if I once fed on a human? Since you have known me?"

Emmett thought but everything in his head said that he didn't remember any situation of the sort.

"Why do you ask?"

I could have explained it to him but it wouldn't have made sense. Maybe this had taken place in the last two years of my life.

"No reason."

Though he wanted to press for more he didn't, it was probably what I liked the most about Emmett. He would listen and not press for more if he knew you weren't comfortable with it. "Are you finished?" I asked when he didn't say anything else and a calm almost awkward silence settled between us.

"Yeah lets go back home to our women."

With a somewhat forced smile I followed after him. Unlike Emmett it was not something I was remotely looking forward to. But instead I busied myself with thinking of the notes I wanted to toy with on the baby grand. It had not stopped bothering me since we left for the hunting trip and I was eager to get home and get them out of my head.

"That's beautiful." Esme came behind me placing her hands on my shoulders. "Did you just make it right now?"

"No…I think…it's familiar. I don't know how but already knew it. I made it." I turned away from the piano and looked at her; her expression clearly displayed her uneasiness about the situation we were in. We all felt the same always ready for a possible attack.

"Continue," she commanded. I smiled and eagerly did as I was told. Despite the tone of finality that the last notes carried, to me it did not feel as though it was quite done. And I spent the rest of the night trying to decipher what the next part could possibly be. My progress was very meager and I grew more and more frustrated by this. I failed to understand why this song was so difficult to finish.

"Edward?" I jumped at the call of my name and whirled around to see Bella standing directly behind me. "You've been trying to figure out the song all night you need to take a break."

"I don't understand." I finally said. "I can't figure out what comes next."

"It sounded to me like it was finished," she offered.

"No, something's missing…and yet I do not know what it is."

She moved to take a seat next to me, I trained my eyes onto the ivory keys as I spoke, "it sounded like that to me at first…but it doesn't feel finished. There's more to it, I know it."

"Does it have a story?"

Did it have a story? In all my past compositions there had been some sort of story or influence on my music. There was a story to this one too but for the first time since I began composing I could not figure out what it could possibly be.

"There is…but I don't know it. I think that when I wrote it, it was finished but the story somehow must go on now. It can't just end there….am I making sense?" when I turned to look at her she looked at me speculating.

"Slightly."

"Maybe you're right. I need a break from this tune," to prove it I began to play a melody I probably had not played since before she had died in my arms all those years ago. As her lullaby came to an end I chanced a glance at her and was rather surprised to see her emotional y expression. She looked at the piano as if she were about to cry, but of course such a thing was impossible to one like us.

"Thank you," she whispered.

I leaned in to kiss her lips, while I didn't feel the thrill I always searched for I felt her love for me and that in itself warmed me.

"Would you like to learn?" I offered.

With newfound hope in her eyes she nodded eagerly and I spent the entire morning teaching her the basics of the piano. It pleased me to learn the she was a fast learner.

The days passed and while I had my moments in which I felt at ease there were times in which I found myself being rather excessively agitated. I failed to understand such mood changes. Today seemed to be one of those dreadful days and the rest knew better than to bother me while I was in such a state.

On this day I felt a sense of uneasiness. For some reason, unknown to me, I was nervous and worried. I'd done everything I could to clear my hazy mind of such feeling as it was proving rather unsettling. However, nothing I did seemed to have any effect on the feeling. Unable to stand the worried thoughts of everyone else I took myself into my room. A few hours had gone by and all I could do was to sit impatiently on my desk chair and look out the window. I found a distant sense of serenity from this, yet it still was not enough.

Could vampires experience headaches? I was quite positive I had never experienced such a thing. I rubbed at my head in what was meant to be a soothing manner but it did not help. Such a pain this was. I'd experienced much greater pain, but in comparison to other forms of pain I'd experienced I found this one to be rather annoying. Suddenly the Alaskan view did nothing to help me; instead it made my eyes sensible to the light and only increased the annoying pain centered on a part of my head. I furiously closed the blinds and laid my body on the bed.

The door creaked open and I sensed that it was Bella.

"Edward?" Called her soft voice. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration. "Jasper said you weren't feeling well"

I made no response.

"What's the matter?" the mattress slightly sank on my right side and immediately I felt her soft fingers going through my hair.

"Carlisle" I finally called. Not a minute passed before he was quietly walking through the bedroom door.

"This is hard for even me to understand but it seems that you are experiencing a severe case of migraines Edward."

He was right that was a hard idea to conceive. Trying to appear calm I sat up and leaned against the headboard. "Is that even possible?"

"I do not know. However I don't think there's anything I can do for you Edward. Medication will not work our body rejects any substance of the sort. If this is just a migraine it should go away for sometime eventually."

What he had told me had not helped in the least. It did not lessen the pain. Sometime that night the disturbance had slightly declined. And when I finally seemed to be sinking into some sort of calm, flashes of red appeared before my closed lids. When I opened my eyes it seemed to me as if I had just been awakened by an epiphany of such great force that it lifted me out of the bed and guided me to the desk where I retrieved a piece of paper and a pencil. The movement of my hand was so fast I could hardly see it. As I concentrated in what I was drawing a shape of a person soon came to view. I drew exactly what had appeared in my mind. It came to me like a vision, a blurry vision that I could barely make out. As I drew on the page all that had protruded from my skilled hand was a mere silhouette of a female, a small female. That was as much as I could deduce. After I finished I contemplated the illustration for the rest of the night.

"Three days Edward" Emmett closed the bedroom door behind me and took place on the bed. "Three days you have been locked in this room without speaking a word to any of us. Tell me what's going on before Bella dies of anguish."

Quite frankly I could care less of how others were feeling at the moment. My own desolate heart grieved and inwardly tore me to pieces.

"What's this?"

The paper was snatched from my hand and inspected for a great amount of time. "Tell me this isn't what's got you so worked up."

Without removing my eyesight from the falling snow of Denali I took back the paper.

"You know what? This isn't my thing I'll go get Jasper" there was no need; Jasper was waiting out the door. Once in his eyes widened; no doubt feeling all the bottled emotions within me.

"What's got you in such a state Edward?" without answering I handed the paper to him. "Who is this?"

"I don't know" I murmured, my breath instantly turned a spot on the window foggy. "But she's real"

"How do you know?"

"I just do… I just do…"

"But you don't even know what she looks like this is just a distant shape Edward."

"I know but I feel close to her"

"You feel close to a drawing?"

I shook my head in exasperation. No one could understand it, not even I.

"Do you realize the emotions running through you right now?" He said as he handed me the drawing back.

"I can't understand them." My eyes were drawn once more to the picture, the immediate frustration made me close my fist and crumple the paper. "Just like I don't understand this picture"

Why did I feel such emptiness? This was something completely different from everything else. I was missing something and I suffered for it…but what am I missing?

* * *

**it's been a long time since i updated you guys and believe me i hate myself right now **

**if u guys are wondering i will finish this story no matter what **

**but lately drama has been messing with me and ive been having some problems **

**i dont think this will satisfy most of you and im sorry for that i am going to start writing the next chapter soon **

**who saw the last harry potter movie? i went to the premier and i cried alot and it made me a bit disheartened about this story but im going to be strong and finish this for all of you that are still with this story :)**

**-airali**


	34. hysteria

**excuse my gramatical erros you guys please! i was so desperate to get this submitted because i owe you guys so much for not updating sooner. **

**my deepest apologies but it's hard, four AP classes is more work than i thought it would be and if i want to make it to college i cant screw this up. i swear i will try to get the next chapter up as soon as possible. now it's getting exciting! i hope you enjoy this and please share your thoughts about this chapter with me. i would love to hear what you have to say!**

**enjoy!**

* * *

**Third person **

"My god harry what happened?"Hermione upon seeing harry hurry into the tent with Alex in his arms she immediately stood from the bunk bed and helped him lay her down on it. The bit of color she had was completely drained, even her lips were white.

Earlier that morning she and harry had set out under the clock of invisibility to look for something to eat. The last thing they'd expected was to be met with Dementors in the town. Alex didn't see it coming and the encounter seemed to have taken a rather severe toll on her. Though she was awake her eyes seemed empty as if her mind wasn't there with the rest.

"Dementors, in town"

"My goodness" Hermione kneeled by the bed and gently shook her to try and wake her from her stupor gradually she seemed to come back to her senses. She blinked a couple of times and ran a hand trough her tangled hair only to realize she had broken out into cold sweat.

"Sorry" she mumbled and slowly sat up. "They really got to me hard this time, I don't know why"

Harry knew why, out of the four she was the most tortured of them all.

Their meal that day was a pitiful one, Alex vaguely wondered for how long they'd all be able to go on in such way.

* * *

**Alex's P.O.V**

A few nights after that horrible encounter with the Dementors I was awakened by the cold of the night. Though there was a fire still burning it didn't seem to have an effect on me. I lay on my bunk for a while until I heard a small sound come from outside. It was so quiet for a moment I thought I had imagined it until I hear it again. It was the sound of something hitting against the ground, a rock perhaps. As quietly as I could I reached for my wand and stood from the bed.

It was then that I realized that Ron was missing from his bed. A small wave of relief passed through me as I made my way out the tent. He sat beside the entrance, just as I'd thought the sound was of rocks hitting the ground.

"Ron?" his head whipped around to look at me. He seemed tired and in a rather ill mood. He probably couldn't sleep either. "You okay?"

"Fine" he mumbled and looked back to the ground.

"Doesn't sound like you are fine"

"Go back to sleep"

"Don't feel like it" I moved over to take a seat next to him. Once on the ground it came to my attention he was still wearing the locket.

"Bad dreams?" he looked at me and I gestured to the locket hanging from his neck.

"Yeah something like that"

"Here" I reached to him and took the chain from around his neck and put the cold chain around my own neck. "Better?"

"Loads, thanks"

"It's fine." An awkward silence fell around us and I looked to the sky to seek some sort of conversation. To be honest I'd grown quite fond of the night sky in the forest. I seemed to find some tranquility in it.

"Pretty stars" I commented.

"Guess so"

Finally tired of our short sentences I turned to look at him. "What's got you thinking so deeply?" he looked at me for a moment before sighing and rubbing his eyes.

"I'm frustrated! I don't know anything from my family and we have not been making any kind of progress nor does it seem like we will anytime soon. I mean for how long are we going to go on like this?"

I pursed my lips and brought my knees to my chest and my arms around me legs. "Hard to say. Who knows what's going to happen in a month or in a week, hell, who knows what's going to happened tomorrow. I sure don't know and harry and Hermione don't seem to know either."

"What are they always talking about anyway?" and in his tone of voice I sensed the real reason for his bad mood.

"Dunno…to tell ya the truth sometimes I simply don't pay attention."

"Yeah we've all noticed it."

"I s'pose they're just trying to see where the next horcrux could be…it's all we ever really talk about anyways."

"That's the problem, they just talk and talk but we never actually _do _anything. Are they mental? How do they expect to get on with this if we never do anything?"

"Well what do you want us to do? What can we do Ron? You tell me"

"Well I suppose we could just visit those places where they could be in."

"Well maybe you should volunteer that opinion tomorrow instead of keeping it to yourself. Don't expect us to do all the work Ron"

"Well what the bloody hell can I do? Those two are always going around keeping to themselves and-"

"Hold on…something tells me you're not annoyed because we haven't really taken any action. This is something entirely different isn't it?"

Even in the night I could see how he turned a few shades red. I suppose he couldn't figure out what to respond because he immediately got up and walked into the tent.

"Yeah I didn't think that was it" I said to myself. Minutes later everything was quiet once more, a deep sigh went through me and I looked down at the locket hanging from my neck. None of us particularly enjoyed wearing it. It somehow didn't feel right I felt like my body was considerably heavier every time it was my turn to use it. It usually affected me rather sooner than the others and often I would find myself as far away from them too keep from storming on them. Suddenly I could not wait for the morning to come. I wanted to get it off me as soon as possible and go to sleep. I didn't want to think of the horrible nightmares that awaited me if I dared to sleep with this cursed thing on.

* * *

I couldn't quite remember how long it had been since Ron stormed off and left. But it had been for some weeks now…with him gone we hardly ever spoke amongst ourselves. I suppose there was some truth to what he said. we had nothing to go along with anymore. There was nothing at all…we had nothing and we were all alone in this.

So many emotions arose with this problem: fear, anger, disappointment, desolation, anxiety…and I often found myself desperately wishing to claw at my very flesh and reach to my soul and mangle it until I was devoid of all feeling. Such thoughts scared me for it made me compare myself to Voldemort but it was also hard for me to ignore them.

Ron's departure had caused so much tension between the three us that I found it difficult to be in their presence…to be part of their silence. But I was there curled up on my bed, some weeks after he'd left, that I heard Hermione and harry discussing a trip to Godrics hollow. I knew harry had been playing around with the idea for some time. And on the times when we discussed it I agreed that since there wasn't anything we were doing then we might as well…visit.

"What do you think Alex?" Hermione called. I turned away from then canvas of the tent and stared them.

"I think-" my voice felt unusually rough, it made me wonder how long it'd been since I had talked. "It's a good idea, we might be pleasantly surprised"

As soon as I said this I wondered what could be so pleasant about visiting the town where harry's and my life had been destroyed? I know that harry was interested because of Dumbledore's connection to the place…quite frankly I wasn't as disturbed as harry had been about not knowing Dumbledore's private life. Why go back to a painful past? Really Dumbledore had always been preparing us for this there was no time to ever really talk about anything else, although I wish it hadn't been this way. I do believe I tried to understand him more than harry did…in the end it really didn't matter, he was gone now and we had a task to finish…

* * *

**December 24**

Disguised as an elderly couple and their granddaughter, harry Hermione and I had dissaparated as concealed as we could be under the invisibility cloak. Soon upon arriving we had come to find out that it was Christmas Eve.

If I was being truthful to myself I don't know what I was expecting when we arrived to Godrics hollow. I dint know what we would see other than our parents graves. So the statue in our memory had come as a real shocker. But it was the graves that destroyed the calm façade I had been struggling to keep up.

"Alex, harry…I- I found them" Hermione's quiet and tentative voice chilled me in a way that the snow couldn't. I turned and caught harry's eyes on me from a few grave stones away. I shakily made my way to where Hermione was, nearly all the way at the back of the graveyard.

Since the day we decided we would come here I wondered what it would be like…seeing their graves. Now standing before them I felt like the entire town could hear the erratic beating of my heart. My body felt so heavy I had to get support from Hermione. The knot at my throat was so tight I had trouble breathing and my eyes got watery making the names upon the white marble impossible to read, although I had already taken a moment to read the inscriptions. My parents lay six feet below me… being here, so close to them made them seem just a bit more real. I mean sure I knew that they had been real but they always seemed like part of a dream to me; not any longer.

Suddenly reality crashed on to me and for the first time in my life I felt the loss of my parents.

Growing up I had always dreamed of what my parents had been like. I suppose I had always somehow felt the loss of them but in a considerably more subtle way than now. Maybe I had always felt this loss without noticing it, but now seeing their graves…everything I lost seemed much more real and the loss of it brought an immense pain to my chest and stomach and deep into my spirit.

How many lives I would have left untouched if Voldemort had never ruined my life. How many people would still live to this day… Sirius would have never gone to Azkaban or died…my parents would still live, cedric would have been out of Hogwarts by now…I would have never even disturbed the Cullen's with my presence. Then again what if Voldemort hadn't vanished for so many years? The world would be a much different place now; people would lose hope and faith.

But it would do me no good to think of what if's I had to focus on what was happening now…

The contrast between my cold skin and my warm tears seemed to burn my cheeks. It occurred to me that since that last time I was in forks I had not cried one bit. Maybe after all these sad years I had finally ran out of tears to spill. I feared that soon I would lose all emotion and finally become dead on the inside. I couldn't let myself fall right now, not for myself but for all those that had faith on harry and I. once I did what I had to do in this place then I could crumble and become dust for all I cared, but it wasn't the moment for that.

I backed away from the grave not being able to endure it any longer and waited until they were ready to leave.

A small noise caught my attention and I looked in the direction of which it came.

"Did you hear that?" I quietly asked.

"Hear what?" Hermione's response was quick and anxious.

"I heard…footsteps" I had clearly heard the rustling of the snow…but there was nothing to be seen there.

"Are you sure?"

My eyes didn't leave the spot from where it the sound had came "positive…"

"I don't see anything" I could feel his eyes on me.

"I'm not imagining it" I defended, but I began to doubt myself. Could Voldemort really be awaiting us here? In Godrics hollow?

"Let's go then" Hermione said looking at our surroundings and then moving towards the exit of the graveyard. I trailed behind them and looked to the grave once more…Hermione must have put those flowers there.

_It's still here?_ Harry's awe in his mental voice took me by surprise. I followed his line of sight, what I saw rendered me speechless. This is more than I had expected to see in this place. The house-though half of it was in ruins- still stood here. I suppose the effects of the enchantments had disappeared long ago. To think that I was just feet away from the place where everything was taken from harry and I raised Goosebumps in my skin and filled me with mixed emotions. Nostalgia, anger, sadness…

"Harry look" he and I both turned and saw Hermione pointing in the distance. A woman stood in the snow looking at us intently. She was clearly old with a hunched back and folded skin. The small think body was wrapped in a thick coat, her grey hair was wild around her face…she looked rather gaunt to me, very sickly. Could this possibly be the woman we were looking for?

"I think she's the one I heard" I whispered to them. "She was probably following us."

"Are you bathilda?" harry called, the old woman didn't speak but she nodded, never taking her eyes off of ours…or…or blinking. Harry turned to look at Hermione and I, he seemed rather excited but his voice was calm and controlled. "I think we should follow her" he said.

"Are you sure?" Hermione asked.

"Dumbledore might have left something with her for us"

I looked at the woman as harry spoke. She stared rather intently at us. "I don't know harry" instinctively I moved closer to him and took him by the arm. "There's something odd about her."

"Come on there's three of us and one of her and I don't think she's very fast. What's the worse that can happen?"

I tried to think of a reason, but she did seem rather…senior-like.

"Well…okay I- I guess we won't lose anything" he smiled encouragingly and began to walk. I took his arm and held it as we walked to her with Hermione next to us.

We should have known it was all a trap.

* * *

**Edward's P.O.V**

It was a serene day for me I sat around my family and listened to their quiet conversations but didn't join in. I'd been at ease for the past few weeks. Some days were better than others but my emotions were all over the place and calm as I was anything could set me off.

"Hey" from my peripheral view I could see Bella take a seat beside me. "Feeling okay?"

I only nodded and looked out into the dark. We'd moved further into Alaska, a place that was experiencing a long days of darkness. No sun whatsoever and this place was perfect for us especially in these times.

"Do you want to go out? You seem bored." I took notice of her hand on my knee and slowly I moved my leg from her grasp.

Yes I'd been bored for the greater part of my life. And in days I wondered what I was still doing here. There was something, whatever it was it was not present in this house, but something was holding me back from doing the final act that would end with me.

"No thank you" I murmured. I'd developed such an aversion to her. I knew she wasn't the one at fault. But as the days passed I found myself losing my tolerance; Becoming angry at her advances. Was it so hard for her to leave me alone? I made it clear on more than one occasion that there was nothing. That while I felt tender love for her I could not extend that feeling into one that would allow us to have some sort of relationship that was not friendship. I don't think she was willing to accept this because she hadn't given up.

And I realized with a dull ache that if she kept this up for any longer I would soon lose all emotion for this girl that was once my whole world. I couldn't understand how this could have possibly happened. I who was always so sure that my love for her would be eternal, what went wrong? When did my love for her vanish? I know she wondered the same. And she suffered for it, but saying sorry now was pointless.

So why didn't I leave? Why didn't I leave this poor girl in peace with my family and remove myself from her life? Surely she would heal faster if I was gone…so why was I not packing my bags this instant and leaving? What was tying me to this place?

Was it simply my love and my attachment to my family that kept me here? The idea was feasible, but I something within me screamed that that was not the reason. I loved them, they are all I had but they weren't the ones keeping me here. It was something else…no... It was someone else…

What happened in the last two years of my life!

"Edward?" I hardly registered jaspers concerned voice. A sudden fear had overtaken me, a fear that immersed itself deep into my bones, so deep it almost felt like I was being mortally wounded.

Through my sudden hyperventilating I was able to let some words escape my mouth. "She's in danger! Someone's in danger!"

The fear wasn't directed at me, or anyone else in this house, it was for someone else, I feared for the life of someone else!

"Edward what are you talking about!" both were at either side of me holding my arms as if trying to keep me together.

I looked around wildly, the danger was not here. But there was someone that was in grave trouble I just knew it. "Someone's in danger" I caught myself whispering and I looked around everyone's eyes on me demonstrated fear; their minds were fearful, fearful for me.

And I asked myself the same thing everyone was asking themselves. Could a vampire lose their sanity?

"Edward, honey are you feeling okay?"

No I was not feeling _okay_ I still felt this fear but I was useless. I was at loss as to what I was supposed to do about it.

"I-I- it's hard to explain" Esme stared intently and watched as I came to rest my hand upon my dead heart and clench my fists around my button up shirt. "I just I can _feel _it. I can feel it"

"What Edward?" Carlisle cut in, "what can you feel?"

"Fear…danger" I shook my head, but the feelings didn't let me clear my thoughts. "It's like someone's in danger…right now and I'm, I'm scared for whoever it is"

"But who?" Esme pressed.

"I don't know I don't know where this is coming from…it's just how I feel…"

"You said _she_" Bella added.

Why did I say she? Was it a female that was in trouble? Was there even anyone in trouble or was I imagining it?

No no I wasn't imagining it, I could be it felt too real.

"What's happening to me?"

* * *

**Third person P.O.V**

Edward's nerves were on edge for the rest of the day and he was convinced that there was someone out there that was in danger. But he heard his family thinking and he wondered whether he was really losing his mind. Was it even possible? They all worried for him and he worried for whoever was in trouble and he ached for that person. And then it dawned on him, this feeling was familiar he knew it so well from his experience with Bella. This pain was very similar to the pain he experienced in that ballet room where Bella so nearly lost her life.

Could he be in love? And if so…with who?

* * *

"His feelings throw me off" jasper spoke in a low voice despite the fact that Edward was far from hearing range. "He's depressed but…it's more than that"

"But there has to be a reason for this I mean he can't just be depressed just because…right?" Emmett looked away from the TV and turned to look at jasper in the eye.

"I don't understand it and I don't think he does either but for many months now Edwards been suffering heartache"

They all stared at him for a moment. Such a thing seemed very out of place, he had refuted Bella's approaches too much for them to still believe he loved her. But if he wasn't suffering of heartache for her then for who?

"Tell me everything he's felt" Carlisle said.

"He's lonely, in pain, he worries for reasons unknown to him…sometimes he feels angry but the anger is directed at someone not himself. Most of all he's confused but, I suppose we are all in the same state."

Everyone was quiet for a minute…forming their own assumptions about Edward.

"We won't know the reason behind Edwards's emotional problem until we can figure what happened in the past two years" Carlisle concluded.

"You think he was involved with someone?" Alice called from the foot of the stairs where she was sitting.

"I don't know…anything could have happened not only to him but to us too."

"He'll be here in five minutes" she informed, everyone quickly attended to their own business but they weren't able to hide from Edward that they talked behind his back. He could feel it and he could hear a couple of them.

"I want to go back to forks" those were the first words to come out of his mouth when he stepped into the house.

"For what?"

"I need to trace back my steps…maybe we missed something maybe that person went back. maybe I could find some sort of-of- of clue as to what happened to all of us and why I'm feeling like this…I'm not losing my mind…I'm sure of it." there was just a piece missing from the puzzle and he had to look for it.

"Edward we searched the entire town we searched school records hospital records we searched houses everything. We found nothing. We traced that scent and we were led to a dead end." Carlisle could understand Edwards reasoning but he doubted whether there would actually be anything left of that person there. "It's been five months by now any record of them- if there were any- are gone. The rain has washed away the scent completely by now. We won't find anything."

Edward wasn't completely convinced but he let the subject drop, he still needed to do some thinking.

* * *

_They left _

_ Once again they escaped when they were so very near their death. _

_ How could it be! How could they have escaped him when they were very nearly in his hands? _

_ He had to do something about this. He was very near to finding that which he had been after for the last months. And once he found it then harry and Alex potter would not ever escape him again. _

_ He had to be careful, leaving nagini alone to wait for them had proven to be…most unwise. _

_ "My lord they escaped?" _

_ "Bring Draco to me." _

_ Narcissa Malfoy looked at her husband questioningly _

_ "Now!" bellowed the terrible man pacing in front of the window of the manor. Lucius nodded at her and she left down the hall. _

_ "Your son has given me very valuable information Lucius. He has proven to be a very valuable servant…for now." _

_ Footsteps were heard approaching the room. a thin pale boy with blond hair walked in through the hall promptly followed by his mother. _

_ "My lord" his voice was hardly audible but Voldemort seemed to have no problem listening. _

_ "Tell me what you know and what you have seen of the boy. The one you saw the potter girl with." _

_**What is his interest with him?**__ it was a question that Draco would not dare ask. _

_ "I've only ever seen him twice…last summer" _

_ "And what did he look like?" _

_ "He seemed…unfamiliar with everything around him." _

_ "Physically?" _

_ Draco thought about a way to describe the strange male. _

_ "Inhuman, perfect…pale like a corpse." _

_ "His eyes- what color were they?" _

_ "I-I can't remember…it was an odd color rather unnatural looking but I can't remember," he looked at him apologetically and fearful. _

_ "Would you say he attracted attention?" _

_ "Definitely especially the female attention. He went to see her off at the platform nine and three quarters. They didn't exactly hide that they were together." _

_ "My lord" Malfoy spoke before Voldemort could speak." I think I do recall seeing a young man beside her as well. In fact…I saw him elsewhere" _

_ He struggled to remember…it had been a tumultuous day, yes, yes that was it. _

_ "Two years ago…at the ministry" _

_ Bellatrix who had been staring at everything before her unravel stood up with wide eyes. _

_ "Yes…yes, yes, yes" she walked back and forth thinking…remembering. _

_ "He never used a wand! My lord I remember the boy!" _

_ The ministry? Then surely he… and then it all came back to him. _

_ He was there; the boy had been there with her as he took over her body. Yes he could remember him quite clearly now._

_**This was no boy.**__ No, no, no this was a man. He saw it in his eyes and he was no normal human surely he couldn't be…or could he?_

_ "Does any of you recall seeing, a wand in his hand" his words were low and clear. _

_ They all looked at each other trying to remember. _

_ "No" Lucius spoke. "He fought with no wand. But his speed and strength were…astonishing."_

_**Then…it is true…they are real. **_

_Without a single word he was gone._

* * *

"Is she waking up?" the voices were very distant. "Alex can you hear me?"

She wanted to answer but found herself unable to; she had been violently trembling for a while. She was cold, she was freezing, and her head was going to explode.

"Her temperature just won't go," Hermione nearly cried. "Harry do you realize any normal person would be dead by now if they had the temperature she does?"

"Was it the venom?"

"I don't know the snake bit her badly."

"aa-a-ry" she managed to get out.

"She's awake!" she could hear them hurrying over to her side. The hand that took her was cold as ice.

"e-e-ew-ar"

"What?" harry called, the hand shook her slightly.

"w-aaard" her teeth were chattering "ee-ewar"

"I think she's calling Edward," Hermione's said in a quiet voice. A cold hand pressed her forehead in a comforting manner.

"Shh, Alex. He's not here."

_What! Where is he!_

She struggled to open her eyes ad when they finally did open everything was hazy, even her brothers face which was the closest thing to her.

Her fever prevented her from talking for the entire day. Like the day before she had been unconscious for the most part ad her fever left for short instances.

The next morning before the sun rose she awoke. Her fever was gone and she was too weak to get out of her bed. Hermione had fallen asleep on a chair beside her and seemed rather uncomfortable due to her awkward positioning. She raised a weak arm towards her and tried to shake her awake but her sleep was too deep. She heard the quiet shuffling of snow and was momentarily frightened, until she saw harry come in through the opening of the tent. They looked at each other for the slightest of moments before he went over to wake Hermione.

"How long have I been out?" her voice was hoarse.

"Two days. You awoke now and then but for the most part you have been disoriented."

She could not remember having woken not once.

"What happened? How did we get out?"

"Hermione saved us. I don't know what would have happened if she hadn't arrived at the right moment."

* * *

**Alex's P.O.V**

"Harry…I'm never going to trust your instincts again" he smiled at me in an apologetic manner. "Did we at least gain anything out of this event?"

"Well…" he reached to the floor and handed me a book.

"And why the bloody hell would I wasn't to read anything Rita skeeter has to say about Dumbledore? That's almost as bad as the snake's venom."

"Well read this," he opened the book and handed it to me on the page he wanted me to read. I must say I didn't quite have a response for him once I was done. I mean…I understood how harry felt, or at least I tried to understand. But I mean could we really judge him? He'd had a hard life thanks to muggles, and were we really going to judge him based on ideas he carried when he was seventeen?

"Were seventeen too but you don't see us wanting to make muggles our slaves do you?"

"Yeah harry but who said everyone reacts the same to a tragedy? He was different from us he reacted differently okay but you can clearly see that he changed the beliefs he had in this letter."

"That's what I have been telling him but he refuses to listen." the bed sunk next to me as Hermione took a seat and glanced at the open book in my hands.

"Harry this was his best friend, or at least they shared many ideas and got along and Dumbledore ended up defeating and imprisoning him and then he devoted his life to protecting muggles. Does that not tell you that he had a change of heart?"

He was quiet for some time. "I suppose so but I would have liked to know. Why did he never tell us any of this?"

"Maybe because he never saw it as something essential to our survival when the time to be on our own came. In case you haven't noticed we never exactly went up there to have a cup of tea. He was preparing us for the future. Recalling his tale of woe would have done nothing in our favor."

"But still…I felt so close to him." _now he's just a stranger. _

"The boy you see in this book is a stranger harry, not the man you knew." He said no more. I tried to get up from the bed but found this an impossibility. The two continuous day of high fever had clearly weakened me. Hermione helped me to walk around and change but I was not of much use for the whole day. I slept a lot; Hermione said that it was understandable. My body was weak and needed to gain energy, it didn't make me feel any better.

That night just before harry walked out to guard the tent I called him over to my bunk.

"You don't have a wand right?"

"Well not a working one at least." he seemed annoyed by the fact that I had reminded him about that.

Here I reached over to my bag and pulled out cedrics wand.

"I guess its necessary we all have a wand so…take it…but take care of it."

Harry had a small smile and he reached to me and kissed my forehead. "I'll take care of it, I promise, thank you. Do you think it will work?"

"Try it."

The wand worked decently, it probably wasn't reaching its full potential with harry but that was understandable. He wasn't the rightful owner of it but it would do for now.

I had a very fitful sleep that night. The nightmares came in and out of my head shifting from one nightmare to the next.

_ The woods were dark but I knew my way around them. I ran and I ran from something unknown to me. But I knew if it were to reach me I would surely die. The more I ran the harder it became, as if I were sunning on sand. I was ready to explode from fear on the inside._

_ "ALEX!" I ran to the voice I had not heard in months. It called to me in panic and it kept screaming my name over and over. The shadows that followed were closing in on me faster and faster. The more I struggled to run the slower I became. _

_ "ALEX!" I could see him now. Waiting at a distance urging me to him. I was getting closer and so were the shadows. If I could just reach him then all would surely be well. _

_ I was closer! I could almost smell him. From behind me a sudden coldness hit me. _

_ So close…_

_ His hand was extended to me. "ALEX!" _

_ Our hands connected just as the shadows took hold of my body. I gripped his hand so the darkness would not swallow me. But this was not a hand I recognized. This was a cold hand, unkind and cruel. Its hold was not one that brought me comfort but rather one that brought me pain. I looked up Edward looked at me through slit eyes. He smiled and exposed a set of sharp white teeth the laugh that came through that mouth chilled me to the bone. _

_ The darkness pulled me and choked me. Its hold on me burned. _

_ Fire! I was on fire!_

"NO!" I collided with the floor and rolled trying to get rid of the fire centering on my chest. My skin there was on fire!

"Alex!"

"Fire! Fire!" a pair of arms grabbed me and tried to stop me from moving. "It burns! It's burning me!"

And then I couldn't move. My body was stiff as a board.

"What's going on?" Hermione screamed but I was paralyzed and unable to talk. "Harry? Where's harry!"

I realized I was not on fire. This sudden pain I was feeling was not mine.

Harry was in trouble.

My limbs became lose and I regained feeling of my body.

"Where's harry Alex?" She came close to me, her face inches from my own.

"I don't know! I don't know! He- he's in trouble, I can feel it"

She muttered something and ran out the tent. I followed in close after her. footsteps, his footsteps were hardly visible in the snow but we followed we ran for what seemed like ages until finally we saw him…him and Ron.

"Harry!" I ran to him where he lay on the floor soaking wet and shaking in what I knew to be fear. "Harry what happened!" I pulled down his shirt to where I had felt the burn on my chest and saw that his own was etched with the shape of the locket. This is why I had felt the burning sensation. "What did he do to you" I whispered.

"It-"he was panting "it tried to kill me, suffocate me"

"Why? What are you doing here?"

"And how did _you _find us?" Hermione snapped at Ron.

They explained everything and showed us the locket. It was rather unbelievable. Why would the sword of Gryffindor be here? In the least likely of places? And who had sent that doe?

"We ought to leave" I said after they had said everything and we had walked back to the tent. "Someone might know where here."

"But If it was someone trying to hurt us don't you think they would have already done so?" harry argued.

"It doesn't matter whether they're good or bad we can't have _anyone _knowing where we are. It could get to the ears of someone unwanted"

"She's right" Hermione agreed

"Yeah she is" Ron said. So that same night we collected our things and left.

I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. I felt stronger, and so I rose from the bed and went outside with harry who continued to guard the entrance.

` "what are you doing here?" harry reprimanded me. "You just recovered from a fever you can't be out in the cold!"

"I'll be fine harry. Besides you're not the one to say that, jumping in a lake full of iced water, what were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that that sword was the only thing that would help us destroy that horcrux"

"Who could have put that sword there?"

"I don't know…did you feel me?"

"Yes…your fear awoke me. I was terrified" I whispered the last sentence.

"Just three more Alex" I smiled at the tone in his voice. I think this accomplishment had given us all renewed hope.

"Just three more" I repeated. The stars were fading as the light of a new day replaced them. today I was not so miserable.

* * *

**Bella's P.O.V**

He knew. He knew someone was missing in his life. Little things seemed to remind him about something but he wasn't quite sure if it was real or not. I expected him to remember more and more as the days passed by.

I realized that trying to get him back was useless. Edward was no longer mine, he might now remember Alex but he could not forget his love for her. His heart was hers and she unknowingly ripped it out of him and took it with her, and now Edward suffered. If only there was a way I could bring her back I would do so, if it meant Edward would be happy. Every day he seemed worse he became more depressed more hopeless…more confused. I wanted to tell him. I wanted to remove the shield from around my mind and allow him to see my memories of her.

But then he would want to see her. What if she was dead? For all I knew Alex potter no longer belonged to this world. And if Edward were to find out…he would surely die. I couldn't risk that…I needed to know about her. I needed to know she lived before I made any decision on telling him and the rest about her. I had to find Frank.

"Is something troubling you Bella?" jasper walked into the lonely library of the house. Everyone else was occupied in their own business.

"As a matter of fact yes jasper. But I'm afraid I cannot go into details about it."

"Alice sees you leaving to forks"

Damn her.

"I need to be alone…I need some time to think I need a breath of fresh air. There's too much tension in this house…and I want to visit the cemetery over there."

"When will you be leaving?"

"Right now actually. The sooner the better"

His gaze was suspicious, but that was the thing about jasper, he didn't meddle.

"Well then have a good trip. Come back soon, Alice likes you're company."

"I won't be gone long; I don't wish to spend so much time alone again."

"Right."

I left and hour later after packing anything I would need and saying goodbye to everyone. The last person to say bye to was Edward.

"You're going to forks?"

"Yes" and I remembered he'd been wanting to go and investigate further over there.

"I'll go with you"

"I'd rather go alone if you don't mind. I need some time to myself."

"I won't bother you" he promised.

"Edward I think that the best right now is that you stay close to your family. You're not exactly emotionally stable."

"I can handle myself" his tone let of the slightest bit of irritation.

"I'm going alone, goodbye"

He seemed surprised by my curt tone. He searched my eyes for some time and I grew uncomfortable and unable to hold his gaze.

"What do you hide Bella?"

I was quick to connect my eyes back to his. "What?"

"you're hiding something, what?"'

"It's nothing to do with you Edward."

"Are you sure?"

"What are you implying?" he simply shrugged and shifted his sight to something behind me. "Some things, Edward, are better left unsaid."

With that I turned on my heel and left.

* * *

I hadn't expected to find the house. But I was sure that it was there where it used to be, but just hidden. So I left a note to frank on that seemingly empty space of land.

It was not until the next day that he arrived at the Cullen mansion in forks. I had been worried he would ignore it or that he no longer lived there. But that was not the case.

"Hello frank" I had never had direct contact with the man but I had seen him more than a few times. His expression was guarded and I supposed he didn't trust me as I had had so many problems with Alex.

"I thought Alex had made you all forget." He said

"She spared me upon my own request." He seemed rather tired, dark circles under his eyes made him seem a bit ill and unhealthy. "Won't you come in?"

He did so cautiously. Once settled in the living room we stared at each other for a moment. Both of us lost in our own thoughts. He was the first to break the silence.

"Where are the rest?"

"Alaska. They're having a hard time getting used to all this confusion. They fear someone is out to do them harm."

"They're safer this way."

"I suppose you're right. How's Alex?"

He pursed his lips and a distressed expression appeared. "Safe I hope…I haven't seen her since she left forks."

"You don't know where she's at?"

He shook his head and swallowed. "Last I heard from them was in September. They infiltrated the ministry of magic and got caught. By a stroke of luck the y were all able to escape. But only barely. Had they been trapped…would have been handed straight to…him."

"vo-"

"Don't say his name" he said sharply. "They will find us in a heartbeat if you say his name"

"What are you talking about?"

"The name is tabooed. Anyone that says it will automatically be found. Never say that name out loud."

I nodded in understanding. "Is that all you know from them?"

"Yes. Other than that it's like they don't even exist. No one knows anything. There are rumors but I know none of them are true…if they truly were dead, he would already have made it known to the world. He knows that their death would cause everyone to lose all hope. To everyone harry and Alex potter are our salvation."

He furrowed his eyebrows and looked at me.

"May I ask what your interest in Alex is? I had it understood you weren't fond of her."

"She's grown on me I suppose. I understand that I can never be what she is to Edward. I can't take her place. And I admire her for her courage, for the sacrifices she has made, and for intense feelings she and Edward have for each other. She is in every sense of the word his match."

"Why do you say this?"

I sighed and stood from the couch and began to pace around the living room.

"She may have erased her face from his mind but the feelings are there. You can never erase love… I suppose it's a whole different type of magic. The feelings are there, and he's suffering from her absence in his life. Edwards…he's rotting on the inside. Every day it gets worse, and he doesn't even understand why. It's horrible to see him in so much pain. Sometimes, I think he can sense if she's in danger."

He sat up straighter suddenly deeply interested.

"Why do you say that?"

"A couple of days ago he, he just about lost his mind. He kept on saying someone was in danger and jasper says that Edward was clearly scared for that person, he was petrified. He clearly said that someone's life was in danger. He didn't know who it was. But he was very distressed about it. Sometimes he's just pacing back and forth as if waiting for something bad to happen."

"He's remembering," frank concluded.

"I believe so too. I want to tell him frank, I really do. I want to clear things up for all of them. But I'm scared that if something happens to her…if she were to die" frank looked away and shook his head. "I'm afraid it would kill him."

I walked to him and kneeled so that I was at level with his face. "I don't know what to do," I whispered.

"It's a hard decision Bella. It's a double sided knife. But I suggest that you not tell him. If he seems to be remembering then let it take its own course. If he is meant to know then he will find it out in due time. It's better they know nothing about us. They might be safer this way, at this point he will do anything to get to Alex and harry. It's good they've moved and that they can't remember. If he were to find out about their existence it would make his search for them more difficult."

"You really think this is what's best?"

"I do…give me your exact location. I want to keep an eye on them now and then. I know Alex would want me to keep them safe."

"Thank you for caring so much about my family," his heart was good. There were not enough people like him in this world and that really did touch me.

"Thank you thinking about Alex and Edward…they really are meant for each other."

"Yes…I know that. I accept that, but I still love him and I want what's best for him and if she's what's best for him…then so be it."

Edward had once told me that if Jacob was the one I loved then he would step aside and let me be happy. Because he loved me and he would do anything for me even if it hurt him. But now I was the one that had to step away.

"I said I would be back soon" I stood from where I was and he did the same. Please if you know anything about them tell me. I need to be informed, here's my number."

He took the paper I handed him and put it in his pant pocket. "I'll do as you ask…and, I know it's hard to see him like this but it is crucial you not tell him any of this."

I would trust him because he knew what we were all up against and I didn't. "I won't, I understand it could be dangerous."

* * *

_He walked through the stone hallway of the underground palace. Finding them had been easier than he expected. It was just a matter of torturing the right people. _

_ His followers walked beside him for even he, lord Voldemort, would not be able to control all vampires at once, at least not with the restricted power he had. _

_**Soon I will have more than any wizard has ever dared to dream of, and then I will have them too at my sole command. **_

_He was at an advantage. For he knew everything about them and they knew nothing. Finally he reached _

_ "Excuse me you can't be down here," a stern voice said. He raised his hooded head and allowed the attractive muggle to see what was under the hood. The sight made her gasp and stumble back. A mere flick of his wand and a flash of green light and she lay on the floor with an expression of terror marked into her empty eyes. _

_ Stepping over the woman he pushed open the large wooden doors and he and those behind him entered. _

_ "Good afternoon," he spoke in his low stone cold voice. _

_ The man sitting in the middle throne seemed perfectly calm while the rest tensed ready for a battle. _

_ "The hostility is…unnecessary," he said when no one responded. No sooner were the words out of his mouth that one by one each vampire seemed to relax, a dazed expression settled upon them. _

_ A scream was heard and a death eater fell to the floor writhing in excruciating pain. _

_ It did not take him long to see the source. For all but one small vampire was under the influence of very strong dark magic. _

_ A flick of his wand and the man's screams subsided and were replaced by her own screams. Jane dropped to the ground tasting the effects of her own power. _

_ "I too can cause pain," he whispered when she stopped screaming. _

_ "I have a very important job for all of you. It would be in your best interest to do as I command. Te prize of disobedience is…highly expensive." _

_ Not a single vampire responded they all listened to their puppeteer. _

_ "bring me the Cullen's, alive"_

* * *

**please review encourage me to get the next chapter out really soon. thanks a million to all my reviewers and just everyone thats reading this story and still following it after so much time. were nearing the end you guys!**

** -airali**


	35. authors note

**hello dear readers,**

**first and foremost I should tell all of you following this story that it has gone on to a temporary hiatus, I don't know how long it will last. i'm sorry but with the length of time that /I have taken to write it I have matured so much that I go back on it and think of everything bad about the story. It's not convincing me at all. I can't deliver to you something that is only halfhearted. **

**Because of this I must leave this story on hiatus believe me I hate myself for doing this as I find it irritation when others do this, I would completely understand any ill feelings you might have due to this notice. I'm sorry, but when I finally figure out what I will do about this I will make sure to tell you all. **

**I am terribly sorry for this inconvenience but I hope you guys find many other stories much better than this. **

**If you guys are interested I have started a new story titled "dirty little secret." If you are interested read it, again it is an Edward/oc story as I find this much more flexible, though the more and more that I think of it the more I consider of passing this story to finction press where I feel it would be more appropriately situated. **

**Once again I am terribly sorry for the inconvenience. Until later. **

**Sincerely, airali **


	36. Chapter 36

_The man's face contorts and I observe the pus-filled cuts on his face and the dark socket where his eye should have been. He would be screaming if his vocal chords had not been so damaged by his screams as he was mutilated. My mind, elsewhere breaks every connection, every memory of his, causing much more mental damage than what has been done to his body. And for a while I find nothing until I reach the root of everything he is. And I find what I look for and I have found them._

Coming soon…


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